How to get what you want every time: Harvard negotiators explain
Summary
TLDR威廉·尤里和罗杰·费舍尔是哈佛谈判项目的创始人,他们合著了一本书《谈判力》。书中强调,谈判不是关于各退一步或坚持己见,而是寻找让双方满意的解决方案。通过讲述图书馆的窗户、蛋糕分割和孩子们争橙子的例子,书中展示了如何聚焦利益而非立场、使用公平标准、发明互利选项、将人和问题分开。作者还提供了应对不公平战术和强大对手的策略,强调了建立良好关系的重要性,最终目标是找到满足双方利益的解决方案。
Takeaways
- 😀 谈判不是关于平分或坚持己见,而是寻找双方都满意的解决方案。
- 🤔 谈判的关键在于理解对方的利益而非立场,通过提问和理解来发现对方真正关心的是什么。
- 📏 使用公正的标准来解决冲突,比如市场价格、法律规定或双方同意的准则,而不是无休止的争论。
- 💡 创造互利的选项,通过集思广益和创造性思维来寻找满足双方需求的解决方案。
- 👥 将人与问题分开,保持对人的尊重,同时对问题保持坚定,避免因个人情绪影响谈判结果。
- 🤝 建立与对方的人际关系可以增加谈判的成功率,通过非正式的交流了解对方的喜好。
- 🛡️ 准备BATNA(最佳替代谈判协议),这可以增加你的谈判力量并帮助你确定可接受的最低协议标准。
- 🔍 当对方使用不公平的手段或施加压力时,识别并直接指出这些策略,以减少它们的效力。
- 💬 如果对方攻击你个人,使用谈判柔术技巧来化解攻击,例如询问他们真正关心的是什么或邀请他们提出建议。
- 🏆 谈判的目标是找到满足双方利益的解决方案,而不是赢得争论,合作是关键。
- 📚 通过阅读《Getting to Yes》这本书,我们可以学习到如何成为一个高效的谈判者,使用四步框架来指导谈判过程。
Q & A
《Getting to Yes》这本书主要讨论了哪些谈判的关键理念?
-《Getting to Yes》这本书强调谈判不是关于平分或坚持自己的方式,而是寻找让双方都满意的解决方案,不伤害彼此关系。
为什么在谈判中,我们应该关注利益而不是立场?
-关注利益可以帮助我们发现对方真正关心的是什么,从而找到满足双方需求的解决方案,而不仅仅局限于表面的立场。
在图书馆窗户的例子中,图书馆管理员是如何解决问题的?
-图书馆管理员通过在另一个房间打开窗户来引入新鲜空气,这样既满足了一个人想要新鲜空气的需求,又避免了风干扰另一个人的文件。
蛋糕分割的例子告诉我们什么?
-蛋糕分割的例子告诉我们,通过让一个人切蛋糕,另一个人先选择,可以基于公平标准来解决分配问题,避免双方对不平等的抱怨。
为什么在谈判中,我们应该避免只关注如何平分资源?
-只关注平分资源可能会忽略双方真正的需求,导致资源没有被最有效地利用,例如孩子们对橙子的不同需求。
什么是M谈判者框架的四个步骤?
-M谈判者框架的四个步骤包括:1) 关注利益而非立场;2) 使用公平标准;3) 发明互利的选项;4) 将人与问题分开。
为什么在谈判中使用客观标准很重要?
-使用客观标准可以帮助双方基于共同认可的规则来解决问题,而不是仅仅依赖个人意见,这有助于达成公平的协议。
如何发明互利的谈判选项?
-通过与对方一起进行头脑风暴,自由地提出所有可能的解决方案,然后在讨论中筛选和改进最有希望的想法。
为什么在谈判中要将人与问题分开?
-将人与问题分开有助于保持对个人的尊重,同时集中精力解决问题,避免因个人情感而损害谈判关系。
如果对方使用不公平的手段或更有权力,我们应该怎么办?
-面对不公平的手段,可以直接指出并保持专注于问题;如果对方更有权力,可以发展自己的BATNA(最佳替代谈判协议),以增强自己的谈判力量。
如果对方在谈判中攻击你个人,你应该如何回应?
-当对方攻击个人时,使用谈判柔术来规避攻击,例如询问他们真正关心的是什么,或者邀请他们提出批评,以了解他们的利益。
1964年飞盘故事告诉我们什么关于谈判的真理?
-1964年的飞盘故事告诉我们,谈判的真正目的是共同工作,找到满足双方利益的解决方案,而不是关注谁赢谁输。
Outlines
📚 谈判的艺术:寻找共赢解决方案
本段介绍了威廉·尤里和罗杰·费舍尔共同创立的哈佛谈判项目,以及他们合著的《达成共识》一书。书中强调谈判不是简单的分割或坚持己见,而是寻找双方都满意的解决方案。通过图书馆开窗、切蛋糕和橙子分配的例子,展示了如何通过理解对方的需求和利益来找到创新的解决方案。此外,提出了四步框架,帮助成为有效的谈判者:关注利益而非立场、使用公平标准、创造互利选项、将人与问题分开。
🤝 创造互利的谈判选项
这一段深入探讨了如何在谈判中创造互利的解决方案。建议通过集思广益,自由地提出各种可能的解决方案,然后在不评判的第一阶段之后,筛选并改进最有希望的想法。强调了差异性在谈判中的价值,因为正是双方的不同需求和观点能够激发创造性的解决方案。最后,提出了将人与问题分开的重要性,以保持谈判的人性化和专业性,同时避免因个人情绪影响谈判结果。
🏋️♂️ 应对谈判中的挑战
本段讨论了在谈判中可能遇到的挑战,如对方使用不公平手段、权力不对等或个人攻击,并提供了应对策略。建议识别并直接指出对方的不公平策略,发展自己的最佳替代方案(BATNA)以增强谈判力量,并在对方攻击时使用'谈判柔道'技巧,如询问对方的意见或邀请批评,以了解对方的真实需求。最后,通过一个关于玩飞盘的故事强调了谈判的真正目的是找到满足双方利益的解决方案,而不是单方面的胜利。
Mindmap
Keywords
💡谈判
💡利益
💡立场
💡公平标准
💡共赢选项
💡BATNA
💡人际关系
💡问题分离
💡谈判技巧
💡创造性解决方案
💡谈判柔术
Highlights
威廉·尤里和罗杰·费舍尔是哈佛谈判项目的创始人,他们合著了一本书《谈判无敌》,我最近读了这本书,并想和大家分享其中的关键经验。
根据书中的观点,谈判不是关于五五分账,也不是坚持我的方式或你的方式,更不是关于胜负。如果你在问谁赢了,那你已经输了。
谈判是关于找到一种解决方案,让双方都满意且不损害关系。
举个例子,两人在图书馆争论一个想开窗通风,另一个想关窗避免风吹乱纸张。馆员听取双方意见后,在另一间房间打开窗户,既通风又不影响纸张。
另一个例子,两人想分蛋糕,但无法公平分配。不管怎么切,他们都会抱怨对方的份额大。解决办法是让一个人切,另一个人先选,这样切蛋糕的人会尽量切得公平。
最后一个例子,两个孩子争一个橙子。家长将橙子切成两半,但一个孩子只想吃果肉,另一个孩子需要橙皮做蛋糕。家长若事先了解需求,两个孩子都能得到100%想要的东西。
谈判的四步框架:第一步,关注利益而非立场。问对方为什么要这样,而不是只听他们的立场。
第二步,使用公平标准。以客观标准来解决冲突,而不是争论。
第三步,为双方共同利益发明选项。像橙子的例子,如果双方了解各自需求,可以找到创造性的解决方案。
第四步,将人和问题分开。先看人,再看问题。
在谈判中,对人要温和,对问题要强硬。赞美对方,理解他们的观点,避免人身攻击。
建立良好关系有助于谈判成功。提前认识对方会让谈判更容易。
如果对方使用不公平的策略,识破并直接提出来。
如果对方更强大,发展你的最佳替代方案(BATNA),增加你的谈判筹码。
如果对方攻击你个人,用谈判柔道技巧避开攻击,关注问题而非人。
Transcripts
William Yuri and Roger fiser are the
founders of the Harvard negotiation
project they've written a book together
titled getting to yes I recently read
the book and want to share with you the
key lessons according to the book
negotiation isn't about splitting things
50/50 or insisting on your way or my way
it is definitely not about winning or
losing if you're asking who is winning
you've already lost so what is a
negotiation about then let me give you a
few examples and you'll see two men
argue in a library one wants the window
open for fresh air the other wants it
closed to avoid the wind blowing his
papers so what do you do do you leave it
half open a bit open or closed the
librarian listens to both and then goes
and opens the window in another room
bringing in fresh air without disturbing
the papers this leaves both sides happy
another example two people want to share
a cake but can't agree on how to divide
it fairly regardless of how you cut it
they will both complain that the other
side got a bigger piece so what do you
do well you ask one person to Cut the
Cake and the other chooses first since
the person cutting knows that the other
side picks first he will split it evenly
to avoid getting a smaller piece one
last example two kids argue over an
orange the parent takes the knife cuts
the orange 50/50 and gives each kid half
one kid eats the fruit and throws away
the peel while while the other uses the
peel to bake a cake and throws the fruit
into the trash if the parent had asked
why they wanted the orange both kids
could have gotten 100% of what they
wanted but they only got
50% as you can see from these examples
negotiation is about finding a solution
that leaves both sides happy without
hurting the relationship so how do you
do it how do you find those wise and
practical Solutions like the ones we
just saw here's a four-step framework
that will make you a M negotiator step
number one focus on interests not
positions remember the story about the
two men arguing over a window in the
library it illustrates a common problem
in negotiations where people focus too
much on their positions instead of
arguing about positions shift your focus
to interests the benefits of focusing on
interests are obvious but doing it can
be hard positions are clear and specific
interests might be hidden or vague so
how do you find the interests of the
other side simply ask why why do they
want what they want try to see things
from their point of view once you
discover their underlying interests talk
about them openly people listen better
if they feel understood they think those
who understand them are smart and kind
if you want them to listen to your
interests start by showing you care and
understand theirs of course you need to
communicate your interests as well the
other side might might not know them to
turn your interests into real options
ask yourself if they agree with me
tomorrow what do I want them to do step
number two use Fair standards no matter
how well you understand what the other
side wants conflicts will always pop up
you want lower rent but your landlord
wants it higher instead of arguing back
and forth use objective criteria to
decide recall the cake example when two
men couldn't share a cake having one man
divide it and the other choose first is
based on a fair standard objective
criteria are unbiased rules that don't
depend on personal opinions examples of
this can be market prices legal
requirements expert opinion or Fair
standards that you both agree on in
negotiation often people resist agreeing
because they feel like you're demanding
it but if you say let's check the rules
or regulations it shifts Focus from what
you want to what the rules say suddenly
it's not you demanding it but the rules
for example if your house Construction
contract doesn't specify How deep the
foundations should be and the contractor
suggests 2 feet while you think 5T is
the standard don't just compromise
instead say look Maybe I'm Wrong maybe 2
ft is enough does the government have
standard specifications for these soil
conditions what is the earthquake risk
here where do you suggest we look for
standard to resolve this
question here is how you can apply this
principle effectively before you start
figure out some Fair standards together
with the other side for example say you
want a high price and I want a low one
let's figure out what a fair price would
be what standards should we use by
focusing on Fair standards you can turn
a clash of interests into a shared goal
step number three invent options for
Mutual gain recall the example of the
kids fighting over an orange instead of
splitting at 50/50 they could have found
a way for both to get 100% of what they
wanted this scenario highlights the
importance of inventing options for
Mutual gain in
negotiations so how do you invent
Creative Solutions then here's how
simply get together with your side or
with the other side and brainstorm about
all the possible solutions let the ideas
flow freely don't judge or pick any of
the ideas in the first stage separate
the brainstorming from the collection
session for brainstorming choose a few
participants change the environment
design an informal atmosphere Define the
purpose after brainstorming start with
the most promising ideas then discuss
ways to improve them people often assume
differences in negotiation create
problems yet these differences can lead
to Solutions remember the orange example
A wise solution was possible because
each side wanted different parts of the
Orange it's absurd to think your
differences lead to the problem it's
actually the differences that lead to
Creative Solutions step number four
separate the people from the problem
before starting a negotiation visualize
a vertical line splitting a person down
the middle on one side is the person and
on the other side is the problem always
put the person first and the problem
second negotiators are people first your
goal in negotiation is to soft on the
person but hard on the problem often we
are soft on the person so we end up
being soft on the problem as well and we
don't get what we want or we're hard on
the problem but also end up being hard
on the person damaging the relationship
be soft on the person compliment
whenever you can and appreciate the
effort at every negotiation stage ask
yourself am I paying enough attention to
the people problem people have different
viewpoints they're egos are easily
threatened they see the world from their
perspective often confusing their
perceptions with reality they frequently
misinterpret your words and fail to
communicate their true intentions
remember you must deal not only with
their problems but also with your own
your anger and frustration can block
agreement as well your perceptions may
be one-sided and you might not be
listening or communicating effectively
one of the best ways to prevent people
problems is by building a relationship
with the other side before the
negotiation starts negotiating with
someone you know is easier than with a
stranger so arrive early to chat and
stay a bit afterward get to know their
likes and dislikes these informal
interactions make future negotiations a
lot easier multiple studies show that
simply getting to know the other side
increases the success rate by 25 to
30% okay now you might say all these
four steps sound fair and nice but what
if the other side isn't playing by Fair
rules what if they use dirty tactics
what if they are more powerful or what
if they attack me personally here's how
to deal with each of these situations
let's start with dirty tactics people
lie and use various pressure tactics
recognizing these tricks often
neutralizes them mention it directly Joe
it seems like you and Ted are playing
good cop and bad cop if you need a break
to get on the same page just ask
mentioning the tactic makes it less
effective and may make the other side
worry about losing you just raising a
question can be enough to end it however
be careful avoid personal attacks focus
on the problem not the person instead of
saying you put me facing the sun
deliberately say the sun of my eyes is
distracting can we adjust the schedule
and meet later I can't concentrate like
this
what if they are more powerful if the
other side has big guns don't turn the
negotiation into a gunfight the best
thing you can do is to develop your
batna best alternative to a negotiated
agreement think how you would feel
walking into a job interview with no
other offers think how difficult the
salary negotiation would go now contrast
that with how you would feel walking
into an interview with two other job
offers the difference is power the more
easily you can walk away from
negotiation the greater your power
developing your batna not only enables
you to determine what a minimally
acceptable agreement is it will probably
raise that minimum always develop your
Batum before negotiating don't say let's
negotiate first and see what happens
without batna you're negotiating
blindly what if they attack you
personally when they attack you instead
of the problem things get tough you want
a fair solution but they tear down your
ideas it's natural to defend yourself
but that leads nowhere you push they
push back and soon you're stuck so what
do you do use negotiation
Jujitsu sidestep their attacks here's
how one look behind their position when
they say what they want don't just say
yes or no ask why they want it
understand what is really important to
them two if they keep rejecting anything
you say then ask for their advice if you
were me what would you do they will put
themselves in your shoes and give you
the
solutions three invite criticism instead
of Defending Your Ideas ask them what's
wrong with them this will help you learn
about their interests I would like to
conclude this video with a great story
that explains what negotiation truly is
in 1964 an American father and his
12-year-old son were playing frisbee in
Hy Park London few people in England had
seen a frisbee before so a small crowd
gathered after a while a man approached
and asked sorry to bother you I've been
watching you for 15 minutes who's
winning in negotiations asking who's
winning is like asking that in a
marriage if you're focused on winning
you've missed the point the real goal is
working together and finding a solution
that satisfies both sides interests I
hope this was a useful video thanks for
watching thing
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