HARVARD experts reveal The Worst Mistakes In Negotiation.
Summary
TLDR本视频脚本基于《哈佛谈判项目》创始人威廉·尤里和罗杰·费舍尔的著作《达成共识》,探讨了在谈判中常见的三大错误来源:感知、沟通和情绪。通过具体例子,如租户与房东的不同视角,展示了如何通过五点建议来应对感知问题,包括不以恐惧为前提做假设、开放讨论彼此的感知、设身处地考虑问题等。在沟通方面,强调了倾听的重要性,建议通过总结对方观点和要求对方总结自己的观点来提高沟通效率。最后,讨论了情绪在冲突中的作用,提出了公开讨论情绪、允许对方表达不满等方法来处理情绪,以促进谈判的顺利进行。
Takeaways
- 🔍 感知问题:人们看待世界的方式受个人视角的影响,不同人对同一事物的感知可能不同。
- 🤔 避免恐惧引导假设:人们常基于恐惧做出假设,这可能导致误解。
- 🗣️ 开放性地讨论彼此的感知:通过交流不同视角,增进理解。
- 👀 换位思考:理解他人观点,有助于更好地沟通和解决问题。
- 🤝 避免责备,表达感受:用“I”语句代替指责,减少对方的防御反应。
- 🏆 参与感:让对方参与解决方案的制定,增加接受度。
- 👂 沟通技巧:倾听是为了理解,而不仅仅是为了回应。
- 🔄 反馈理解:用自己的话重述对方观点,确保理解正确。
- 📝 确认理解:请求对方总结你的观点,确保沟通无误。
- ❤️ 情绪管理:在冲突中,情绪比话语更重要,需要被认真对待和处理。
- 💬 允许表达情绪:让对方完全表达他们的不满和情绪,有助于缓解紧张。
Q & A
哈佛谈判项目的创始人是谁?
-哈佛谈判项目的创始人是William Ury和Roger Fisher。
在《Getting to Yes》一书中,作者提到了哪三个领域是导致最糟糕错误的根源?
-作者提到导致最糟糕错误的三个领域是感知、沟通和情绪。
为什么人们看待世界的方式不同?
-人们看待世界的方式不同,因为他们通过自己的独特视角来过滤和解释信息,就像每个人面前都有一个过滤器一样。
如何理解感知问题中的房东和租客的例子?
-房东和租客的例子展示了相同的情境如何被不同的人以不同的方式感知,这取决于他们的个人经验和观点。
在处理感知问题时,为什么不应该让恐惧引导你的假设?
-让恐惧引导假设会导致人们做出基于恐惧的预测,这通常是错误的,因为它基于最坏情况的预期,而不是实际情况。
如何通过讨论来解决感知问题?
-通过公开讨论彼此的感知,从不同的角度看待问题,设身处地考虑问题,不因问题而责怪对方,以及让所有人参与到解决方案的制定过程中,可以解决感知问题。
为什么人们在沟通时往往不会真正倾听对方?
-人们在沟通时往往不会真正倾听对方,因为他们更倾向于听自己想要回应的内容,而不是为了理解对方的观点。
有效的沟通应该包括哪些步骤?
-有效的沟通应该包括:真正倾听对方的观点,用自己的话总结对方的意思以确保理解,以及要求对方也这样做来确保双方都能准确理解对方的观点。
情绪在冲突中扮演什么角色,为什么它们很重要?
-在冲突中,情绪比言语更重要,因为强烈的情绪可以迅速结束谈判。情绪可以激发对方的情绪,使双方更倾向于争斗而非寻找解决方案。
如何处理谈判中的情绪问题?
-处理情绪问题的方法包括公开讨论双方的情绪,让对方表达他们的挫折感,并且认真倾听,直到他们表达完所有想要说的话。
为什么让对方参与到解决方案的制定过程中很重要?
-让对方参与到解决方案的制定过程中很重要,因为如果他们感到被排除在外,他们不太可能接受结果。参与可以增加接受度,即使条件不是最理想的。
《Getting to Yes》这本书提供了哪些谈判技巧?
-《Getting to Yes》这本书提供了关于如何处理感知问题、沟通问题和情绪问题的技巧,以及如何通过让对方参与到解决方案的制定过程中来增加谈判成功的可能性。
Outlines
😀 感知差异与沟通技巧
本段主要讨论了人们如何因个人感知差异而误解对方。感知差异源于个人独特的观点和经历,导致对同一事物的不同理解。例如,租户和房东对租金的看法可能截然不同。为了解决感知问题,提出了五个建议:1) 不要让恐惧引导假设;2) 开诚布公地讨论彼此的感知;3) 站在对方的角度考虑问题;4) 不要因为对方的行为而责怪他们,而是表达自己的感受;5) 让参与者在解决问题的过程中发挥作用,以提高解决方案的接受度。此外,还强调了有效沟通的重要性,指出人们常常为了回应而倾听,而不是为了理解。有效的沟通方法包括:倾听以理解对方,用自己的话复述以确保理解,并要求对方也这样做,以确保双方都能准确理解对方的观点。
😤 情绪在冲突中的作用
这段内容讨论了情绪在冲突中的重要性,指出强烈的情绪可以迅速结束谈判。为了有效处理情绪,提出了几个方法:1) 开放地讨论双方的情绪;2) 允许对方表达他们的挫折感,通过倾听来缓解情绪;3) 通过处理情绪,为寻找解决方案铺平道路。如果情绪没有得到妥善处理,它们可能会反复出现,影响谈判的进展。此外,提到了《达成共识》一书,建议观众如果希望提高谈判技巧,可以阅读这本书。最后,感谢观众的观看,并希望视频内容对他们有所帮助。
Mindmap
Keywords
💡感知
💡沟通
💡情绪
💡假设
💡换位思考
💡责任
💡所有权
💡参与
💡谈判
💡解决方案
Highlights
感知问题:人们看待世界的方式受到他们自身特质的影响,就像每个人都戴着一个过滤器。
感知差异示例:租客和房东对租金支付和情感态度的不同看法。
处理感知问题的五个建议,包括不以恐惧为假设基础和开放讨论彼此的感知。
沟通的重要性:人们通常为了回应而听,而不是为了理解。
有效沟通的策略:倾听以理解,用自己的话复述对方的观点以确保理解。
情绪在冲突中的重要性:情绪有时比言语更重要,强烈的情绪可以迅速结束谈判。
处理情绪的方法:公开讨论双方的情绪,允许对方表达不满。
情绪处理的重要性:首先处理情绪可以使人们更容易合作寻找解决方案。
感知、沟通和情绪是谈判中导致错误发生的三个主要领域。
不要因为恐惧而做出假设,例如担心他人有不良意图。
尝试站在对方的立场上理解问题,了解他们的感受。
不要因为对方的行为而责怪他们,而是表达自己的感受。
让参与者参与解决方案的制定过程,以增加他们对结果的接受度。
确保双方都对谈判结果有所有权感,这有助于达成协议。
在沟通时,确保双方都有机会总结对方的观点以确认理解。
情绪的表达和处理是谈判成功的关键,不应被忽视。
《Getting to Yes》一书提供了提高谈判技巧的理论和实践方法。
Transcripts
William Yuri and Roger Fischer are the
founders of the Harvard negotiation
project in their book getting to yes the
authors explained that the worst
mistakes come from one of these three
areas perception communication emotion
let's start with the perception people
don't see the world as it is they see it
as they are it's like everyone walks
around with a filter in front of their
faces similar to the one voiceover
artists use when recording everything
you say passes through that filter and
is interpreted based on their unique
perspectives here is how perceptions of
the same thing can be different tenant I
always pay rent whenever she asks for it
landlord she never pays until I ask for
it tenant the rent is too high landlord
the rent has not been increased for a
long time tenant she is cold and distant
never asks how I am landlord I'm a
consider person who never intrudes
tenants
privacy here are five tips to deal with
the perception problem one don't let
fears guide your assumptions people
often assume that whatever they fear the
other side intends to do for instance
they met in a bar where he offered her a
ride home he took her down unfamiliar
streets he said it was a shortcut he got
her home so fast she caught the 10:00
news why is the ending so surprising
well we made an assumption based on our
fears it is all too easy to fall into
the habit of putting the worst
interpretation on what the other side
says or does two discuss each other's
perceptions openly here is how things
look like from my perspective how does
it look from your perspective three put
yourself in their shoes how you see the
world depends on where you sit it's not
enough to study them like beetles under
a microscope you need to know what it
feels like to be a beetle four don't
blame them for your problem instead
instead of saying you broke your word
say I feel let down instead of saying
you're racist say I feel discriminated
against this conveys the same message
without provoking defensive reaction
five involve them in the process of
developing Solutions if they feel
excluded they are unlikely to approve
the outcome participation increases
acceptance even if the terms aren't
ideal this is the most critical factor
in whether the other side accepts the
solution or not for for example if you
fail to ask an employee whether he wants
an assignment with responsibility don't
be surprised to find out that he resents
it if you want the other side to accept
a disagreeable conclusion you must
involve them in the process of reaching
that conclusion agreement becomes much
easier if both sides feel ownership of
the ideas now let's talk about
communication whatever you say expect
that the other side will almost always
hear something different why because
people don't don't listen to understand
they listen to respond you might agree
with this yet you likely make the same
mistake while the other person talks
you're already thinking about the
response that you will give once they
stop talking this is a huge problem so
how do you communicate effectively first
listen to understand not to respond once
you understand simply tell them what you
understood sum it up and give it back to
them in your own words for examp example
did I understand correctly that you're
saying this has two huge benefits number
one you make them feel understood the
best and simplest gift you can give to
the other side is to make them feel
heard number two this ensures you
accurately understand their point of
view remember understanding it is not
agreeing you can understand and still
disagree completely it is in your
interest to make them feel understood if
they don't feel it they won't listen to
you when you are talking they'll think I
told him my view but now he's saying
something different so he must not have
understood it instead of listening to
you they'll be thinking about how to
rephrase their argument so that you
finally understand them by the way
people often raise their voices because
they believe speaking louder will firmly
make you understand them so make them
feel heard by summarizing what they said
you can also ask them to sum Mize your
point to ensure they understood you
correctly here's what I usually
say could you please sum up what I just
said to ensure I explained it well I
sometimes get carried away and don't
communicate effectively if you noticed I
shifted the focus to me in my
explanation this way you're not
attacking them or questioning their
understanding so remember these three
key points one listen to understand not
to respond two summarize what you
understood to make them feel heard three
ask them to do the same finally let's
talk about the third area
emotions in a bitter conflict feelings
matter More Than Words the parties may
be more ready to fight than to find a
solution emotions on one side can stirp
emotions on the other strong feelings
can quickly end a negotiation so how to
deal with emotions one openly discuss
both your emotions and theirs you can
say our side feels mistreated and very
upset we're afraid an agreement won't be
kept even if we reach one whether it's
rational or not that's how we feel I
think our fear might be misplaced but
that's how we feel right now do people
on your side feel the same way two let
them talk about their
frustrations people feel relieved by
simply recounting their resentments to
an attentive audience imagine you come
home Angry and want to talk about all
the terrible things that happened at
work today but your partner says come on
let's just go for dinner I'm sure you've
had a bad day how would you feel the
answer is obvious when you're angry you
just need someone to listen to you while
you talk you don't need a solution you
just need to vent so if the emotions are
high allow them to express their
frustrations fully just listen
attentively as they talk about their
resentments occasionally encourage them
to continue until they've said said
everything they want to say by handling
the emotions first you make it easier
for everyone to work together once
emotions are out in the open people are
more likely to move on toward finding a
solution if you don't handle the
emotions first they will just keep
coming back and at some point you'll
find yourself or the other side
screaming earlier I mentioned this video
is based on the book getting to yes I've
shared a summary of it before so if you
want to increase your negotiation skills
check it out you probably see it on your
screen thanks for watching and hope it
was useful
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