How to Be a Man in the Modern World

Summary

This video discusses the crucial role of male role models, particularly for young men who grow up without a father figure. It emphasizes the importance of channeling energy into creating value and the evolutionary perspective that men should aim to be indispensable in society. The speaker addresses the societal challenges men face today, including educational decline, emotional development struggles, and mental health issues. Online communities and influencers, like Jordan Peterson and Joe Rogan, are presented as potential role models, though caution is advised to differentiate healthy from toxic influences. The video critiques conservative messaging around family values, urging a focus on data-driven discussions about the impact of single-parent households.

Takeaways

• 😀 Men's groups often consist of men without male role models, with the group acting as a communal father figure.
• 😀 There's a significant variation in the experiences and needs of men, and it's important to avoid one-size-fits-all solutions.
• 😀 A good piece of advice for young men is to channel their energy and frustration into something valuable, like creating or contributing to society.
• 😀 Evolutionarily, men are seen as disposable, but this can be embraced by creating value that makes a person indispensable to their community.
• 😀 The role of men historically has been to provide more value than they consume, whether through physical labor or intellectual contributions.
• 😀 Arnold Schwarzenegger's advice of 'just be useful' emphasizes the importance of contributing to others in order to find purpose.
• 😀 The absence of fathers has been shown to negatively affect educational outcomes, socio-emotional development, and mental health in children.
• 😀 More children are growing up in single-parent households, leading to worsened outcomes in education, emotional health, and well-being.
• 😀 Conservatives are correct about the importance of two-parent households but often fail to effectively communicate this message, especially with a religious slant.
• 😀 Young men often seek role models and communities online, with creators like Jordan Peterson and Joe Rogan filling that gap. While parasocial relationships can be healthy, it's important to evaluate the emotional and ethical character of role models.

Q & A

Why do many men in men's groups seek out communal father figures?

Many men in men's groups grew up without male role models, and the group serves as a communal father figure. This creates a space for men to find guidance, mentorship, and emotional support from other men who share similar life experiences.

What advice is given to young men who feel lost or directionless?

The advice given is to channel their energy and angst into something of value. Whether it's pursuing work, helping others, or creating something, contributing value to society can provide a sense of purpose and direction.

How does the evolutionary perspective explain the disposability of men?

From an evolutionary standpoint, men are seen as more disposable because they can father many children in a short period, whereas women can only have one child at a time. This biological reality has shaped the historical view of men as expendable in some contexts.

What are the current challenges young men face today according to the speaker?

Young men face several challenges: a decline in educational attainment compared to women, stunted socio-emotional development, and a mental health crisis, as evidenced by a significantly higher suicide rate among men.

What impact does growing up in single-parent households have on children, particularly boys?

Research shows that children from single-parent households, particularly those raised by single mothers, tend to face worse outcomes in education, emotional development, and mental health. These issues are particularly noticeable in young men, who may lack male role models.

How does the conservative viewpoint on family values relate to the issue of absent fathers?

Conservatives often emphasize the importance of two-parent households, and while their message about the negative effects of absent fathers is supported by data, their messaging tends to be mixed with religious connotations, which can alienate audiences who are not aligned with those beliefs.

Why is the rise of the 'manosphere' and online role models significant for young men?

The 'manosphere' and other online communities provide young men with role models and a sense of community, which is crucial when many men feel lost or disconnected. These spaces help men find guidance and connection, though they vary in quality and healthiness.

What is a parasocial relationship, and why can it be both positive and negative?

A parasocial relationship is one where individuals develop an emotional connection to a figure, such as an online influencer, without direct interaction. While it can be positive if the role model offers good advice and support, it can be harmful if the influencer promotes unhealthy or toxic behavior.

What criteria should young men use to evaluate the character of their online role models?

Young men should assess the ethical and emotional character of online role models. One way to do this is by observing their body language and facial expressions in videos, as this can reveal underlying emotions like anger, joy, or sadness, which can indicate the authenticity and healthiness of their message.

What should young men avoid when choosing role models, according to the speaker?

Young men should avoid role models who may appear attractive or appealing on the surface—such as those with flashy lifestyles—but who are emotionally toxic, unethical, or driven by anger. Instead, they should look for role models who promote positivity, growth, and ethical behavior.