It's not just physical assault | What should and should not boys do

Summary

In this video, the speaker addresses the issue of women's safety in public spaces, particularly in the aftermath of a horrific incident at a Kolkata hospital. He emphasizes that while not all men are perpetrators, it is crucial for men and boys to recognize their role in creating safe environments. The speaker, a professor, discusses the impact of language, jokes, the male gaze, and physical interactions in shared spaces. He calls for self-awareness, respect, and gentlemanly behavior to foster a safer and more respectful society.

Takeaways

• 😔 The script discusses the aftermath of a horrific incident at a medical college in Kolkata and the resulting fear and pain expressed by women on social media.
• 🔊 In response to women's concerns, some men on social media claim that not all men are perpetrators, highlighting the need for understanding the broader context of women's experiences.
• 👨‍🏫 The speaker, a professor of mechanical engineering, feels a responsibility beyond academics to contribute to societal discussions, despite not being an expert in the field.
• 👦 The discussion is aimed at boys, emphasizing that all men and boys have a role to play in creating safe spaces for women, starting with small actions.
• 🚫 The speaker points out that using coarse language, even if unintentionally harmful, is disrespectful and can contribute to a hostile environment for women.
• 🤐 Being a silent bystander to disrespectful behavior is also a form of complicity; the speaker encourages taking responsibility to make spaces safe for everyone.
• 😂 Jokes and banter are part of everyday interaction, but there's a fine line between playful teasing and making someone uncomfortable; recognizing this is a sign of maturity.
• 👀 The 'male gaze' is a common issue where women are objectified by being stared at in a lewd manner, which is normalized but not acceptable.
• 👶 The speaker reflects on the need for self-awareness and change, starting from a young age, to ensure a better future society.
• 🤝 In shared spaces like labs, the speaker requests that boys behave in a gentlemanly fashion to avoid any inappropriate physical interactions.
• 🔄 The speaker acknowledges that both boys and girls may use coarse language, but emphasizes the need for self-reflection and impartial assessment to understand the extent of the issue.
• 🌟 The hope is that discussions like these will lead to increased self-awareness and improved behavior among boys and girls, shaping a better future for society.

Q & A

What is the main focus of the video discussion?

The main focus of the video discussion is to address the issue of how men's behavior, particularly in public spaces, can make women feel unsafe, and to discuss ways in which men can change their behavior to create a safer environment.

Why does the speaker feel compelled to discuss this topic despite being a professor of engineering?

The speaker feels compelled to discuss this topic because as an educator, he believes his responsibility extends beyond academic instruction to shaping the future of society by teaching young minds about respect and safety for all, including women.

What is the significance of the speaker having a 5-year-old son in the context of this discussion?

The speaker mentions his 5-year-old son to emphasize that the points he discusses are not just theoretical but have personal relevance and importance for him as a parent, hoping to raise his son to be respectful and considerate of others.

What is the 'male gaze' as mentioned in the script?

The 'male gaze' refers to the act of men looking at women in a way that objectifies them, often in a lewd or disrespectful manner, which is a common and normalized behavior that many women and girls experience from a young age.

Why does the speaker emphasize the importance of language and tone in interactions between men and women?

The speaker emphasizes the importance of language and tone because the use of coarse language, sexual expletives, and disrespectful communication can make women feel uncomfortable and unsafe in shared spaces.

What does the speaker suggest about the role of bystanders when witnessing disrespectful behavior?

The speaker suggests that bystanders should not remain silent when witnessing disrespectful behavior. Instead, they should speak up and take responsibility to help create a safe and respectful environment for everyone.

How does the speaker define 'playful banter' and why is it important to recognize its boundaries?

The speaker defines 'playful banter' as a form of light-hearted teasing that is a part of everyday interaction. It is important to recognize its boundaries to ensure that it does not cross over into making someone uncomfortable or disrespectful.

What is the speaker's stance on the use of 'course language' and why is it a concern?

The speaker is against the use of 'course language' because it is disrespectful, particularly in shared spaces like classrooms, and can contribute to an unsafe environment for women.

Why does the speaker believe it's important for men to be aware of their physical presence in shared spaces?

The speaker believes it's important for men to be aware of their physical presence in shared spaces to prevent inadvertent inappropriate touching and to ensure that women do not feel crowded out or uncomfortable.

What is the speaker's hope for the future after discussing these points?

The speaker hopes that by discussing these points, there will be increased self-awareness among both boys and girls, leading to improved behavior and a more respectful society in the future.

Outlines

00:00

😔 Addressing Gender Safety Concerns

The speaker begins by addressing a recent incident at a medical college in Kolkata, which has prompted many women to express their fear and anguish on social media. Men have countered by stating they are not all like the perpetrators. The speaker, a professor of mechanical engineering, acknowledges his lack of formal expertise but feels compelled to discuss these issues due to his societal role and responsibility as an educator. He wants to reflect on and discuss certain behaviors that, while seemingly small, cumulatively make women feel unsafe in public spaces, such as workplaces and educational institutions.

05:03

😠 The Impact of Disrespectful Language

In this paragraph, the speaker discusses the negative impact of using coarse language and sexual expletives, especially in educational settings. He emphasizes that such language is not only disrespectful but also does not make individuals appear 'cool.' The speaker also addresses the issue of being a silent bystander to such behavior, urging individuals to take responsibility for making shared spaces safe for everyone. He further touches on the topic of jokes and banter, noting the fine line between playful interaction and causing discomfort, and the importance of recognizing and respecting this boundary.

10:04

👀 The Male Gaze and Its Consequences

The speaker delves into the concept of the 'male gaze,' describing it as a form of objectification that is both widespread and normalized, affecting women and girls from a young age. He admits that most men, including himself, have been guilty of this behavior. The speaker challenges the notion that this is a base instinct that cannot be overcome, arguing that in a civilized society, such behavior should be curbed. He also discusses the issue of physical space in shared areas like labs, where accidental or inappropriate touching can occur, and calls for men to behave in a gentlemanly fashion to ensure a safe environment for all.

🙏 Encouraging Self-Awareness and Better Behavior

In the final paragraph, the speaker acknowledges that some boys may feel called out by the discussion but emphasizes the importance of impartial self-reflection. He points out that while girls may also engage in disrespectful language, there is a significant skewness in the statistics, indicating a larger number of boys partaking in such behavior. The speaker hopes that the discussion will lead to increased self-awareness among both boys and girls, resulting in improved conduct and a better society for the future.

Keywords

💡Anxiety

Anxiety refers to a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. In the video, the speaker discusses how women often experience anxiety in public spaces due to the fear of harassment or assault, which is a central theme of the video addressing the need for safer environments.

💡Lived Experience

Lived experience denotes the personal, subjective experiences of individuals that shape their understanding of the world. The speaker emphasizes the importance of recognizing women's lived experiences of fear and discomfort in public spaces, which is a key point in advocating for societal change and empathy.

💡Disrespect

Disrespect is a lack of regard for the feelings, wishes, or rights of others. The video script mentions how certain behaviors and language used by men can be disrespectful to women, highlighting the need for men to be more aware of their actions and the impact they have on others.

💡Bystanders

Bystanders are individuals who are present at an event or incident but are not directly involved. The speaker calls out the role of silent bystanders in perpetuating disrespectful behavior by not intervening, which is a call to action for individuals to take responsibility in preventing disrespectful conduct.

💡Playful Banter

Playful banter is light-hearted teasing or joking, often part of friendly interactions. The video discusses the fine line between playful banter and making someone uncomfortable, emphasizing the importance of recognizing and respecting personal boundaries in communication.

💡Male Gaze

The term 'male gaze' refers to the way women are often objectified and stared at by men in a sexualized manner. The script describes this as a common and normalized experience for women and girls, which contributes to their feeling of being unsafe and uncomfortable in public spaces.

💡Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the capacity for introspection and the ability to understand one's own feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. The video encourages self-awareness among men and boys as a means to improve their conduct and contribute to a safer and more respectful society.

💡Shared Spaces

Shared spaces are areas where multiple people interact and work together, such as classrooms, labs, and offices. The speaker discusses the importance of making these spaces safe and respectful for women, as they are often made to feel uncomfortable or unsafe due to inappropriate behavior.

💡Cultural Context

Cultural context refers to the background of beliefs, practices, and traditions that influence an individual's behavior and communication. The video script points out the need to be sensitive to the cultural context of others, especially in diverse settings like colleges, to ensure respectful interactions.

💡Gender Ratio

Gender ratio is the proportion of males to females in a given population. The speaker mentions the skewed gender ratio in engineering institutes, where the minority of women can feel marginalized or uncomfortable, emphasizing the need for a balanced and inclusive environment.

💡Accountability

Accountability is the expectation of being answerable for one's actions. The video calls for men and boys to be accountable for their behavior, especially in how it affects women's sense of safety and comfort in public and educational spaces.

Highlights

The video discusses the aftermath of a horrific incident at a Medical College and Hospital in Kolkata, which has prompted many women to express their fears and experiences on social media.

Men have also spoken out on social media, emphasizing that not all men are like the perpetrator of the incident.

The speaker, a professor of mechanical engineering, explains his motivation to discuss these issues despite not having specific expertise, highlighting the importance of societal responsibility and education.

The video aims to address certain undeniable truths about men's behavior that contribute to women's feelings of fear and discomfort.

The speaker emphasizes the impact of small, seemingly insignificant actions that, when accumulated, can make women feel unsafe in public spaces.

The importance of the language used by men and boys is highlighted, as coarse language and sexual expletives can be disrespectful and contribute to a hostile environment.

The speaker calls for men and boys to be aware of their language, especially in shared spaces like classrooms and labs, to ensure a respectful environment.

Being a silent bystander to disrespectful language or behavior is discouraged; the speaker encourages taking responsibility for making spaces safe for everyone.

Jokes and banter are common in social interactions, but the speaker stresses the importance of recognizing the fine line between playful teasing and making someone uncomfortable.

The concept of the 'male gaze' is discussed, highlighting how women and girls often experience objectification and unwanted attention from men.

The speaker challenges the notion that the male gaze is a natural instinct, arguing that it can and should be overcome in a civilized society.

Physical interactions in shared spaces, such as labs, are addressed, with a call for men to behave in a gentlemanly fashion to avoid inappropriate touches.

The speaker acknowledges that both boys and girls may use coarse language, but emphasizes the need for self-reflection and impartial assessment of behavior.

The video concludes with a hope for increased self-awareness among men and boys, leading to improved conduct and a better society for future generations.

The speaker expresses his dream for a future India where men and women can coexist in a safer and more respectful environment.

Transcripts

hello everyone in this video I'm going

to discuss something completely

different from academics by now we have

all heard of the costly and horrific

incident which took place at Medical

College and Hospital in Kolkata in the

aftermath of this horrific incident many

women have come out in social media uh

expressing their pain and anguish and

the constant fear that they have to live

with especially when surrounded by men

in public places

now in uh as a counter as a reaction to

this kind of statements many men have

also come out in social media saying

that not all men are like this now if

you take the literal meaning of the

words then yes certainly not all men are

like that but if we just take a step

back and try to understand the sense and

appreciate the sense in which the these

women have expressed their pain and

anguish in their lived experience their

actual lived experience then will

perhaps appreciate uh that there are

certain undeniable truths which apply to

all men and boys so in this video I wish

to speak and discuss about some of these

facts some of these points especially

targeted at boys now you may ask what

expertise do I have uh as a simple uh

professor of an engineering Institute uh

those of you don't who don't know me I

am a faculty member uh in the mechanical

engineering department of I kakur so

what expertise does that give me to

speak about such things well to be

honest it does not give me any expertise

but I am a part of the society and my

feeling is that although I am a

professor of just an engineering

Institute but this engineering Institute

is first of all an educational institute

and someone and as someone who is

interested with the responsibility of

teaching young minds uh my

responsibility it goes a little bit

beyond just giving inuring instruction

because what we teach and what we learn

help our students to learn uh now is

what is going to shape our country our

society tomorrow so it is with this

belief that I wish to discuss certain

points it is also with the belief that

it'll help me to uh reflect myself on

certain points uh and uh I have a

5-year-old son one day he's going to be

a teenager become a man perhaps um what

I discuss today is going to help him um

in that distant future also so let us

start our discussion uh

so the basic premise the basic

motivation of having this discussion is

that although uh violence abuse assault

these are unspeakable things which

necessarily endanger uh the lived

experience of women and girls

uh but beyond these also there are

certain Small Things quite a few small

things which actually makes them feel

unsafe in various kinds of public places

and these public places are apparently

some kind of safe spaces like work

spaces uh like the works and the the

offices the classrooms the labs so uh

why is that this is my question why do

they have to feel like this uh it is

I mean is it not the hus on us the men

and boys to truly make these spaces uh

feel safe for the women because we have

to understand that although taken

individually these things are small in

themselves apparently small in

themselves but taken together as they

stack up one after another it's a big

pile and that cumulative effect can

actually make them feel really really

unsafe the women and the girls really

unsafe so I wish to have a disc

discussion on some of these apparently

small small things so first of all uh

regarding the words

so the the words we choose to speak the

tone that we take up and certainly the

content with which we choose to discuss

uh that can sometimes have a very bad

effect because

uh it is common knowledge that uh within

the context of many injuring and medical

colleges as many boys spend a lot of

time in their hostels um they use a lot

of course language filled with um sexual

expletives and whatnot many unspeakable

things uh

now as they get in the habit of speaking

these kinds of things day after day uh

it sometimes spills over during their

interactions uh in a more formal space

like a classroom

and uh they forget that this is a shared

space and they continue to speak like

this uh using expletives um very coarse

language now some of them may say that

uh they really don't mean uh anything

harmful by this it's just their way of

speaking uh but it is actually

disrespectful uh furthermore some of

them may say that okay I don't actually

speak like this I only speak like that

in the uh in the hostal but you have to

remember something that first of all I

just want to make something clear people

may not realize this young students may

not realize this uh

that no matter where they speak like

this it does not make them appear cool

in any way if they continue to do this

it is their own wish but it does not

certainly make them look cool the other

thing is that maybe they are not doing

this in the classroom they're only

confining this kind of speaking this

kind of conversation only in their

hosts among close friends but the truth

of the matter is that it is still

disrespectful to the uh to the women and

girls so if you are being disrespectful

behind their backs you are actually

being disrespectful that is the truth

and if you're being disrespectful that

kind of disrespect whether you want it

or not it will spill over in your actual

interactions even if you pretend to be

otherwise so please keep that in mind

another thing is that some of you do not

engage in these kinds of conversations

they do you do not use this language but

you're often a silent bystander to it I

was myself like this uh while I did not

use such kind of language while many of

my friends used to speak like this I was

a silent bander some of them used to

speak in this kind of fashion in front

of girls which was extremely

disrespectful and and I barely said

anything maybe once or twice I said

something but I never actually um put my

foot down so to speak so don't be a

silent bystander okay and say something

take a little bit of a responsibility in

making the S uh space safe for

everyone uh next continuing with words

uh something less apparently harmful is

jokes and and banter now I understand

that jokes and banter are very much a

part and parcel of everyday interaction

and it is actually necessary there is

bound to be a certain level of

playfulness a little bit of teasing here

and there harmless teasing uh uh in the

interactions among the boys and the

among the girls and with each other also

I don't see any harm in that in this

kind of playful banter but students have

to realize that there is a fine line

between playful banter uh and actually

making some someone uncomfortable and

maturity true maturity lies in actually

recognizing this line This

boundary now uh there is another point

that sometimes um some students some

boys especially they are accustom to

having this kind of a playful banter

among their close friends but they do

not recognize the fact that

maybe with someone else this playful

banter is no longer playful maybe it is

making actually making them

uncomfortable it is not just with girls

it could be with other boys also so

everyone is not the same so there is a

cultural context also in a large enging

college or Medical College uh people

come from different kinds of backgrounds

from different kinds of uh family

backgrounds from different kinds of

cultural back backgrounds So when you

say something or do something you have

have to appreciate the diversity of

those backgrounds and actually modulate

how you speak and Converse uh and

interact with others on a day-to-day

basis next uh note that sometimes he

doesn't even take words just ask your

mother sister or any close um friend who

is a girl uh and they'll tell you that

it is quite common for women and girls

to be subjected to what is called the

male gaze uh there's world of difference

between looking at someone and gazing at

someone in a way which objectifies them

and uh this latter thing this

objectifying them staring at them in a

leud fashion this is so very common and

widespread that almost all women and

girls have come to accept it uh that

this is something that they have to live

with this has become so very normalized

and uh unfortunately like the real

unfortunate part is that many PE many of

these women and girls have had to

experience this even from their pre-teen

years from such a young age and uh from

the perspective of us men and boys uh

you see almost all of us have been

guilty of this I'm sure all of us

whether inadvertently or otherwise we

have all been guilty of this the

wandering mail

gaze uh now some people may say that uh

this is some something which men and

boys are hardwired to do this is just

Base Animal Instinct but come on we are

living in the third decade of the 21st

century we claim to be living in a

civilized society if we cannot overcome

this kind of an animal Instinct what

good are we is our claim of being in a

civilized society really true then so

even if our instinct is propelling us to

do something like that can we not curle

it or at least have the selfawareness

to not do that in a uh in a deliberate

fashion so uh I think there is something

to ponder and put our efforts

into next something uh very serious is

that

uh in a shared space for example

especially in a lab uh where people have

to work together uh especially in

engineering institutes where still the

gender ratio is extremely skewed uh

where girls are very few in number still

unfortunately uh the lab groups are such

that in a group there are few girls and

quite a uh large number of boys and what

happens is that uh it's always a little

bit crowded and the boys crowd together

and the girls they just get pushed uh

pushed out sometimes it so happens that

uh perhaps inadvertently uh there is

some kind of an inappropriate touch

now if it is in inadvertent accidental

it is understandable and I'm sure u boys

who have been brought up in a proper

fashion uh given good lessons they will

be genuinely sorry but

uh this should not be such that uh it

leads to some kind of an opportunity of

behaving in a wrong fashion so this is

my Earnest request to everyone that

please behave in a gentlemanly fashion

whenever you are in a shared space where

there is actual physical interaction

going on so these are some of the major

points that I wanted to discuss uh I'm

sure some boys uh would feel a little

bit called out

um on hearing these

discussions and they may perhaps counter

argue that it is not just the boys who

in who behave in this kind of fashion or

who speak in this kind of fashion use

some kind of exp expli hidden language

it is the girls also who use this kind

of language true it is there

but you try to be absolutely be

impartial in your assessment whether

there is a a large skewness in uh in the

statistics or not whether it is a large

number of boys who are doing it or a

large number of girls who are doing it

it so I'm sure you'll get the answer

through some kind of

self-reflection and let us not forget

that sometimes some girls do this just

so that they'll be able to fit into a

large group which is predominantly

composed of boys and sometimes boys who

are uh who are not naturally like that

they will also perhaps engage in this

kind of a thing so my hope is that

through this through the discussion that

I've had in this video uh it will lead

to some kind of better discussion uh a

little bit more self-awareness among

everyone both boys and girls especially

boys and uh this self-awareness will

lead to an improvement in how they

conduct themselves how they comport

themselves so tomorrow when they become

the men of the society the society will

be a little bit better than what it is

today so this is my hope uh and dream

for a future India so thank you everyone

and all the very best