This Makes You INSECURE... (95% Of People Get This Wrong)

Summary

The transcript discusses the shift from outdated self-help ideologies that promote perfection and the guru-follower dynamic to a more authentic and self-accepting approach. It emphasizes the importance of embracing one's current state, recognizing that the concept of 'perfect' is subjective and often influenced by societal and media pressures. The speaker encourages individuals to let go of self-imposed standards and external validation, instead focusing on self-love and acceptance as a foundation for personal growth and change.

Takeaways

• 🧘 The old self-help model often promotes a guru-follower dynamic, which can be toxic and promote unrealistic expectations of perfection.
• 💭 The idea of being perfectly enlightened or non-dual is unattainable while living in a body, as these states require letting go completely, akin to death.
• 🕹 Life is like a video game with the player (infinite self) and the character (physical self), and one should not abandon the game but play it fully engaged.
• 🚫 The pursuit of perfection is a construct that leads to self-attack and paranoia, and it's healthier to accept imperfection as part of the human experience.
• 🌟 Self-esteem comes from accepting and loving oneself as is, rather than trying to fit into societal or media-imposed standards of 'perfect'.
• 🎭 It's important to challenge and let go of self-imposed requirements and expectations that hinder self-acceptance and authenticity.
• 💪 Self-acceptance does not mean stagnation; one can accept their current state while also having intentions for growth and change.
• 🔄 The relationship with oneself in the present moment is paramount, as external changes do not necessarily alter one's internal relationship with themselves.
• 🌈 Recognizing that one's current state is the goal can lead to a healthier approach to change, as it fosters self-love and self-encouragement over self-hate.
• 🧘 Finding 'the equal' in emotional states and self-perception means accepting all parts of oneself, including the highs and lows, to achieve a balanced and harmonious life.

Q & A

What is the traditional dynamic mentioned in the script when it comes to self-help and spiritual work?

The traditional dynamic mentioned is the guru-follower model, where the guru is seen as the perfect, enlightened being and the follower seeks to emulate them.

Why is the pursuit of perfection and the guru-follower model considered toxic in the context of the script?

It is considered toxic because it creates an unrealistic standard for individuals to strive towards, often leading to self-imposed pressure and a disconnect from one's true self.

What is the speaker's stance on the concept of non-duality and its relation to living with a body?

The speaker argues that complete non-duality, or letting go entirely, is akin to death. While one can have non-dual experiences, it is not possible to fully operate a body from that state, thus making it an impractical goal for the living.

How does the speaker address the misconception of needing to be perfect in self-help and personal development?

The speaker emphasizes that it is okay to not be perfect and that the idea of perfection is a social construct. They encourage embracing one's current state and working from a place of self-love and acceptance rather than self-imposed standards.

What is the significance of the video game analogy used in the script?

The video game analogy is used to illustrate the concept of living life fully engaged, with the player (the infinite self) and the character (the physical self) working together. It suggests that one should not opt out of 'playing the game of life' in pursuit of a non-dual state.

How does the speaker address societal standards of physical appearance and their evolution over time?

The speaker points out that societal standards, such as the ideal male or female form, change over time. They encourage individuals to define their own standards rather than chasing unrealistic and ever-changing societal ideals.

What is the term used in the script to describe the act of ignoring one's own health and wellbeing in favor of spiritual bypassing?

The term used is 'spiritual bypassing', which refers to the avoidance of addressing or improving one's physical or mental health under the guise of spiritual progress or detachment.

How does the speaker help the audience member overcome her initial resistance to expressing her emotions openly?

The speaker encourages the audience member to own her emotions, to not hide her feelings, and to accept that it is okay to cry. He uses positive reinforcement from the audience to help her feel accepted and comfortable in her vulnerability.

What is the core message the speaker is conveying about self-acceptance and change?

The core message is that self-acceptance is the foundation for any meaningful change. One can accept their current state while also having intentions for growth and improvement, but it should be driven by self-love and not self-hate.

How does the speaker use the concept of 'finding the equal' to address emotional fluctuations?

The speaker suggests that instead of resisting low emotional states or chasing high ones, one should aim to find equilibrium by accepting and embracing their current emotional state. This acceptance brings one back to a balanced state of being.

What is the ultimate goal for individuals according to the speaker?

The ultimate goal, according to the speaker, is for individuals to recognize and accept themselves as the goal, meaning they should love and honor themselves in the present moment, regardless of external circumstances or societal expectations.

Outlines

00:00

🧘‍♂️ Challenging the Guru-Follower Dynamic

This paragraph discusses the historical and toxic dynamic of guru and follower in self-help and spiritual work. It criticizes the portrayal of gurus as perfect beings and highlights the shift in the industry towards embracing imperfection. The speaker emphasizes the impossibility of achieving a non-dual state while being alive and having a body, suggesting that the concept of perfection is a social construct. The speaker encourages the audience to let go of the pressure to be perfect and to accept themselves as they are, using the example of changing societal beauty standards over time.

05:02

🎭 Embracing Authenticity in Public

In this paragraph, the speaker explores the societal pressure to hide vulnerability, such as crying in public, and encourages embracing one's authentic self. The speaker uses an interaction with an audience member to demonstrate how external validation, such as applause, can reinforce self-acceptance. The discussion extends to the concept of spiritual bypassing, cautioning against using self-acceptance as an excuse for avoiding self-improvement. The speaker emphasizes the importance of prioritizing one's own well-being and self-compassion over the opinions of others.

10:05

💪 Overcoming Resistance Through Expression

This paragraph focuses on the exercise of screaming as a means to confront and overcome internal resistance. The speaker guides an audience member through the process of releasing tension and fear through vocal expression, highlighting the difference between a forced scream and one that comes from a place of relaxation and authenticity. The exercise serves as a metaphor for facing and releasing resistance in various aspects of life, encouraging the audience to let go of preconceived notions about how they should appear or behave.

15:08

🌟 Self-Acceptance vs. Idealized Images

The speaker delves into the struggle with self-image and acceptance, particularly in the context of social media's impact on body image. An audience member shares her feelings of not meeting the idealized standard of being 'sporty and skinny.' The speaker addresses the issue by discussing the importance of self-acceptance while also allowing for the intention of change. The conversation emphasizes that self-acceptance is not static and that one can work towards goals without self-hatred, ultimately aiming to foster a healthy relationship with oneself.

20:10

🔄 Finding Equilibrium in Self-Perception

In the final paragraph, the speaker discusses the concept of finding equilibrium with one's current state, challenging the audience to see themselves as the ultimate goal, regardless of external standards. The speaker encourages the audience to embrace their current emotional and physical state as the ideal, and to let go of the need for external validation or achievement. The idea of 'finding the equal' is introduced, suggesting that true contentment comes from accepting one's current reality rather than constantly striving for an unattainable ideal. The speaker concludes by reinforcing the message of self-love and self-acceptance as the foundation for a fulfilling life.

Keywords

💡Self-help

Self-help refers to the practice of improving one's mental, emotional, or social well-being through self-empowerment and personal development. In the video, the speaker critiques traditional self-help approaches that promote an unattainable ideal of perfection and instead advocates for self-acceptance and personal growth from a place of self-love rather than self-imposed pressure.

💡Spiritual work

Spiritual work involves the process of seeking personal transformation and growth through spiritual practices and philosophies. The video addresses the common misconception that spiritual work requires one to achieve a state of perfection or enlightenment, which the speaker argues is unrealistic and even disconnected from the experience of being alive.

💡Non-duality

Non-duality is a philosophical concept that suggests the ultimate reality is not composed of individual, separate elements but is a singular, interconnected whole. The speaker uses this concept to challenge the idea of achieving a completely 'let go' state, emphasizing instead the importance of embracing one's individuality and ego while alive.

💡Ego

Ego, in the context of the video, refers to an individual's sense of self-identity and self-importance. The speaker argues that having an ego is not necessarily negative; rather, it is a natural part of being human and should not be completely repressed in the pursuit of spiritual or personal development.

💡Self-acceptance

Self-acceptance is the act of embracing and acknowledging one's self, including strengths and weaknesses, without judgment or the need for change. The video emphasizes self-acceptance as a crucial step towards true personal growth and a healthier relationship with oneself.

💡Perfection

Perfection, as discussed in the video, is an unrealistic standard often promoted by self-help and societal expectations. The speaker challenges this notion by highlighting that perfection is a constructed image and that striving for it can lead to self-imposed pressure and dissatisfaction.

💡Social media

Social media is referenced in the video as a significant influence that perpetuates unrealistic beauty standards and contributes to individuals' negative self-image. The speaker encourages viewers to recognize the impact of social media on their self-perception and to prioritize self-acceptance over the pursuit of unattainable ideals presented online.

💡Resistance

Resistance in the video refers to the mental or emotional opposition one might have towards accepting their current state or feelings. The speaker encourages the audience to let go of resistance and to embrace their current experiences, whether positive or negative, as part of their personal journey.

💡Authenticity

Authenticity is the quality of being true to one's own personality, spirit, or character, rather than conforming to external expectations or ideals. The video promotes authenticity as a key aspect of self-improvement and personal development, urging individuals to own their unique qualities and experiences.

💡Emotions

Emotions are the video's central theme as they relate to personal well-being and self-acceptance. The speaker challenges the traditional labeling of certain emotions as 'bad' or 'negative' and encourages embracing all emotions as part of the human experience, arguing that acceptance leads to a healthier emotional state.

💡Intention

Intention in the video refers to the purposeful and conscious aim to achieve a particular outcome or change. While the speaker advocates for self-acceptance, they also acknowledge that one can hold intentions for personal growth and change without resorting to self-criticism or self-rejection.

Highlights

The discussion emphasizes the shift from the traditional guru-follower dynamic to a more self-aware and self-accepting approach in self-help and personal growth.

The speaker critiques the idea of perfection and enlightenment, suggesting that they are unrealistic and even harmful standards to strive for.

The concept of non-duality is explored, challenging the notion of achieving a state of complete letting go while still living and operating within a physical body.

The speaker addresses the fallacy of the 'perfect' self, highlighting that it is a constructed image and not an attainable reality.

The importance of being present in the moment is discussed, with the speaker cautioning against the self-attacking nature of striving for constant presence.

The evolution of societal beauty standards is mentioned, illustrating the futility of chasing external ideals.

The speaker encourages the audience to redefine their own standards and embrace their individuality, rather than conforming to external expectations.

The conversation touches on the theme of self-acceptance, including the idea that one can accept their current state while also having intentions for growth and change.

The impact of social media on self-image and the pressure to conform to unrealistic standards is acknowledged and problematized.

The speaker introduces the concept of 'spiritual bypassing', warning against using self-acceptance as an excuse for avoiding personal development.

The power of self-love and self-encouragement is highlighted as a healthier alternative to self-hate and reaction-based actions.

The idea of being 'the goal' oneself is introduced, encouraging individuals to see their current state as the ideal from which change can occur.

The speaker addresses the futility of external validation, emphasizing the importance of internal acceptance and self-worth.

The concept of 'finding the equal' is presented, suggesting that true peace comes from accepting one's current emotional and mental state as the desired equilibrium.

The speaker provides a powerful example of self-acceptance in action, demonstrating how embracing one's emotions can lead to a positive external response.

The conversation concludes with a strong message of self-affirmation and the encouragement to let go of any resistance to self-love.

Transcripts

- Back in the day, when it comes to self-help,

self-improvement, even spiritual work,

the whole dynamic was guru, follower,

guru, - [Audience] Follower.

- Guru.

- [Audience] Follower - Follower,

which is incredibly toxic.

And those "Gurus," there might be some

that come to mind, right,

long beard, robes.

They portray themselves to ultimately something

that they're not, to be perfect.

Now, when I say this,

it can also be triggering.

Some people would be like, "Well, that's not true.

They were enlightened.

You just don't know."

Hey, hey, hey, I know.

And fortunately, the whole industry movement,

is shifting out of that, where you're realizing that no,

this whole idea of being perfect, of being enlightened,

so on and so forth, even if you think of non-duality,

letting go completely, that's called death.

How can you let go completely

and then be in a non-dual state, yet operate a body?

You can't.

That's completely disconnecting.

People are like, "Well, what about mushrooms and ayahuasca?

You might have those non-dual experiences."

Sure, but can you function in your body during that time?

No, literally every single person was like,

"I had a non-dual experience.

Could you operate your body?"

No, I was just lying there,

just tripping balls, yeah.

That's how you have it,

non-dual, completely disconnected.

Being alive, having a body also means having a certain ego.

It doesn't mean you have to be completely attached to it,

but you can't be non-dual.

If you think of life as a video game,

there's you as the player, which is the infinite,

then there's your character here.

Being in this non-dual state,

being in line is like throwing the controller down

and not playing.

No, you're not meant to live not playing this game of life.

Now, shifting out of this, these misconceptions,

it also means that hey, it's okay to not be perfect.

That's the old conditioning.

Be perfect, even on the self-help,

always be productive.

I remember back in the day, this is,

wow, I think I wanna say around 2007,

when I first discovered Eckhart Tolle.

And I heard about being present to the moment,

and you can raise your hand if you've fallen into this trap.

You find out about being present,

and then you start being very self-conscious

and self attacking every time you're not present.

Anyone have that?

You get all paranoid.

Am I present right now?

Oh no, I'm not present.

I have to be present.

Oh, no, crazy.

A lot of you, raising your level

of self-esteem means being okay, not being "Perfect,"

and realizing that "Perfect" is a constructed image.

Let's just take the most basic definition

of perfect when it comes to physical appearance, right?

Let's just take, when it comes to a man and society,

back in the '50s, '60s, '70s,

what was the pinnacle of man?

If you think of James Bond,

hairy and jacked, but very hairy.

There had to be hair, right?

Yes, no?

- [Audience] Yes. - Yeah.

If you think of, say back in the day,

same thing with women,

it was kind of Marilyn Monroe, curvy, right?

Then as it evolved, is it still as hip

to be a very hairy man?

No, then it's the land of Titanic,

Leonardo DiCaprio, very different.

So people are chasing these made-up standards,

trying to once more justify their existence versus saying,

"Well, what if I were the standard?

What if I took that finish line and placed it behind me

and just started owning everything that is me?"

So, just something to keep in mind as we dive into you,

which once more, just repeat,

you said there's a lot of resistance towards accepting

who you are, right?

How so?

What's going on through your mind right now?

- Right now, I'm hiding my belly.

- Own it, own it.

No, for real, own it.

And take in a positive external reference

of nothing bad happening.

- I'm gonna stop crying. - And that's okay.

Hey, that's okay.

Who says it's not okay to cry?

Those are those self-imposed, yeah.

That's all those self-imposed requirements.

- No. - I can't cry on stage.

Says who?

Like, turn towards me for now.

Look at me, and don't hide it.

- Yeah.

- This is that one environment.

You can just own who you are,

and just feel it and be with it.

- Yeah. - [Audience Member] Woo.

(audience applauding)

- And look, you're getting clapped for crying.

(audience applauding)

Now, do take this in.

This is very powerful.

It won't get to the cause

'cause it's still external. - Yeah.

- But look at how you got a positive external reference

of people clapping.

When you're doing something

and experiencing something in your mind,

you said, "This is not acceptable.

I can never do this."

And that's why I keep saying,

"For all of you says who, so what?"

Oh, but you gotta be a perfect person, no crying.

No, no, no, no, crying in public,

you perfect person.

And what do we do?

We create all these imposed, just metrics.

It's like drop all that.

The same with like, I'm kind of sucking in my gut.

Just own it.

So what, like that's you. - Yeah.

- Now, for everyone,

this doesn't mean there are things that you should,

and this is also called spiritual bypassing,

where it's like,

well, then I'm just never gonna work on my health.

Of course not.

You can work on your health,

but simultaneously own where you are, that's you.

If that's you right now,

why are you resisting you right now?

Be like, hey, yeah, here's what's up, this is me.

I feel like crying, boom, I'm crying.

And it also comes down to my own wellbeing comes first.

What matters more?

Strangers thinking something of you

or how you treated yourself in this moment?

Say even all of them were to boo you,

say you were to cry and everyone's like, "Boo, cry baby."

Say that were to happen, doesn't matter,

'cause in the end,

you being there for you is more important.

- Yes.

- But that's also what conditioning says.

Your needs are not as important as theirs,

or you better please them. - Yeah.

- Versus no, what about pleasing me?

So massive respect on that,

especially in front of a big crowd like that.

That's not nothing.

- Yeah, actually, I was practicing just letting go.

When I feel like crying, I just cry.

And when somebody has a problem with it,

then they have a problem with it, and not me.

But still when I'm gonna stay here,

being on the spot, I get nervous,

and I just want to cry-- - And be with it.

But also realize as we talked about, no matter what you do,

who you are, what you feel, what you think,

someone's gonna have a problem with it,

no matter what, for real.

Maybe you, for example, say,

embracing what you're feeling here,

everyone's clapping, maybe there's someone

in this crowd saying, "Ugh, where am I?

What time, can I go home?

Is this ending yet?

Can I rush towards death a little bit?"

Someone might be thinking that.

Say you were to not cry, then it'd be the opposite.

Everyone's like, "Oh, she should have cried.

What a loser for not crying."

There's always gonna be something negative

that people see, no matter what you do, right?

I use this example too.

I posted on TikTok, this video where I talked

about the difference between being successful,

like a habit or mindset,

let's just say that successful people have.

And it was a very bland, basic idea.

Like, something like just very basic.

You could just simplify it to, hey,

successful people focus on the positive, not the negative,

but just say that's it.

Could you find anything wrong with that?

The biggest thing people found that they hated on it was

that I used the term successful,

because it's labeling people in two categories,

successful and not successful.

And it's making the not successful people feel bad.

And there was literally a bunch

of comments hating saying, "No, the message is good,

but he just had to say successful, didn't he?"

(audience laughing)

So what does that mean?

No matter what, there are gonna be haters,

and you gotta have them.

- Yes.

- And it doesn't matter as you see,

'cause again, what's more important?

You. - Yeah, me.

- Now, what else is going in right now?

- Yeah, that's always the the good questions

where I just go black,

just, yeah. - That's resistance.

Just stay with it.

Don't have to rush the answer,

but stay with it. - Yeah.

- What's that voice saying right now in your head?

- It's unbelievable that I was picked because yeah,

I was just talking to her when I'm gonna be picked

or if I'm gonna volunteer to be here,

I'm gonna cry because I just know I'm gonna be so nervous

that I'm gonna cry, yep. - [Julien] Mm-hmm.

- And it was actually very good to let it out.

- Let's do this.

Scream as loud as you can. - Okay, okay.

Is this a microphone? - Mm-hmm.

(audience laughing)

- And do I have to hold it here or is it--

- You can hold it wherever you want,

ideally right here. - Yeah.

When I scream also? - Yeah.

- Okay, okay.

(woman screaming)

(audience applauding)

- Nice, really good.

- Nice, nice.

- Now, (audience laughing)

very good. - Yeah.

- What I would do though is

we're gonna build on this scream.

- Mm-hmm.

- This was very good, very loud,

but it was still-- - Shaking though.

- Yeah, no massive respect on it.

But in the texture of the scream--

- Uh-huh.

- It still felt a little forced

where you battled in a resistance

and you won. - Okay.

- But there was still some resistance you battled--

- Okay. - Versus this kind of,

I'm gonna be seen. - Yep.

- What if you had to scream while relaxing

at the same time?

What would that sound like?

- Okay. - [Julien] Ready?

- Then I have to relax first.

(audience laughing) - Relax into the screen.

Shoulders down. - Yep.

(Julien exhales)

- And just relax.

It's the difference for all of you here,

between you could say speaking at, for example,

hey everyone, how's it going?

Versus, hey everyone, how's it going?

One is at forced, the other is actually down.

Hey!

Hey.

- [Audience Member] Hey.

- One is down, but it also adds more resonance,

and it draws people in.

The only way to do this, hey, how's it going?

And loud, hey, is for no resistance.

I can't be battling anything.

If I'm fighting against something,

it comes off the other way,

like, hey, oh yeah.

Hey, can you sense?

Do you even notice how even the voice becomes less deep

in a way, a little bit more?

So can you sense the texture of the voice?

Can you sense the texture of the voice?

Different.

So it was an amazing scream in the first layer,

I want the unleashing. - Okay.

- Instead of ha, ho.

- I think I now forgot how to scream.

(audience laughing)

- The floor is yours.

The seminar will not continue,

until we get the most relaxed yet loud scream

we've ever heard. - Okay

- So my glasses are on for it.

Let's do this.

(woman screams)

Yes.

Now, now, no, no, no,

we're gonna keep going.

That was-- - Okay.

- Do you notice the difference in texture there?

- [Audience] Yeah. - Very different, right?

First one was loud, you're like,

"Ooh, that was loud." - Yeah.

- But you also noticed,

and beautiful, and we keep building on it,

the forceful one, there's less resonance,

meaning it also stops faster.

So it's like a quick loud,

like, oh, and then it stopped,

like swallowed back in,

and you're like, no, back in.

As opposed to raw.

This was way more authentic, but 80% there.

Let's get to 100.

I want you to do this same type of scream,

relaxing, but go beyond yourself.

The only way to do it is to not think,

not even worry about what do I sound like right now,

but just purely present and just being

and feeling the scream.

You ready?

Three, two, one.

(woman screams)

Yeah, good.

(audience applauding)

But more relaxed, louder and more relaxed.

See how the relaxedness can fuel the loudness?

You ready?

Go.

(audience laughing)

- Yeah, I was thinking too much, yeah, okay.

(woman screaming) - More, more.

One more, jump up and down a couple times and then do it.

Jump up and down. (woman screams)

Now, jump up,

physically jump up and down a couple times,

and then go, go, go, go.

(woman screams)

Now even more, 20 times louder.

(woman screams)

Give her hands, come on.

(audience applauding)

What resistance surfaces right now around you truly loving

and accepting yourself?

- What, can you repeat the question?

- I'll flip it on the opposite side.

Why don't you love yourself fully right now?

- Because I have another image of myself,

like sporty and skinny.

- Mm-hmm. - Yep.

And I'm not this.

- Who says you have to be that?

- I think social media and then myself, no one else.

No one else says this.

- Who made you believe that?

When did you start believing this?

As a baby you didn't. - No.

- You're like, "Mama Instagram," no?

When did it start?

- I was gaining weight when I was 20--

- [Julien] Mm-hmm. - And now I'm 28,

and I am at my highest weight ever.

And yeah, I think I told it myself also

because it's also health issue to be overweight

and I don't want that.

I feel it that I'm not healthy,

so I told it myself, yeah

- Okay.

- And it only got worse with social media,

like the negative perspective on myself.

- Well, respect for being very honest and open,

and for feeling what you're feeling.

Good job.

With that though, couple things.

Number one, just because, and this is for all of you,

you accept something about yourself,

let's just say,

doesn't mean you can't also have the intention

of changing it at the same time.

I can accept myself with my arms down

with the intention of raising my arms.

Just 'cause I accept that they're down,

doesn't mean I'm just gonna stagnate and stay stuck there.

Self-acceptance means I'm gonna be with me

as I am right now.

Sure, I can have an intention,

a year, two years from now, I'll look differently,

I'll work on my health, et cetera, et cetera.

But I'm gonna be with me every step of the way,

versus withdrawing from me and saying, "Ha ha ha,

you want me to be with me?

Go get that."

So you can accept yourself as you are while having goals.

And here's the other catch, this is number two,

is that in the end, you're always left with the relationship

with the present moment.

You're always left with your relationship with you.

If currently you're not accepting yourself,

if a genie were to appear and say,

"Perfect physique you've always dreamt of,

you've seen on social media,"

you would still find a way to hate yourself,

which is why you'll see people do this.

People get hooked, for example, on plastic surgery.

"If I just lost weight,"

and then they do it,

and then they're like,

"I need to change this and this and this."

Does it actually,

fix the relationship they have with themselves?

Of course not, it amplifies.

Same with people who work out.

You work out, you work out,

but then you're still followed by the same self-image.

You can't actually say, "Hey, you know what?

I made progress.

It's more, more, more never enough."

So even here, if you were to, again, genie, perfect,

because this is your current comfort zone for all of you,

your comfort zone follows you.

If your comfort zone is, I'm not good enough,

I need to look better,

I need to be better, et cetera, et cetera,

hey, that'll follow you.

Even if you got all the things,

if you're still feeling that you'll find

and look for more reasons.

So for you, it's, let's see if I can truly accept

and love who I am and be with myself right now.

And if that's one of your goals,

then I can have an intention of moving there.

But I'm gonna follow it outta self-love, self-encouragement,

honoring myself every step of the way versus self-hate,

and then taking action outta reaction to that,

'cause that is not healthy

and it'll actually make things worse.

- Yep. - Okay.

And then once more, rewind back,

which is why I asked you,

when was the first time this kind of kicked in?

So say we take back to that table and legs, right?

Classic self-help example.

Table, I don't love myself as I am, right?

I'm not in shape.

I need to be in better shape.

I need to be like the people on Instagram.

What are the legs of that table?

Like you said, when I was in my 20s,

maybe social media amplified it,

identify the legs, identify the experiences,

let go of that, and that'll start fading away, okay?

And then lastly, and this is for all of you,

you can always think about the beliefs that really run you.

Imagine you were born in an alternative universe,

I do this even for fun with just how we feel about emotions.

We label certain emotions as bad, right?

Say, all of you,

do you wanna all be very anxious all the time?

- [Audience] No. - No, oh, you don't.

Is that a bad emotion, right?

That's what we do.

Well, what if you're born in a society

where being anxious was the goal,

and people had trouble being anxious,

and there were all these courses

on how to be more anxious, right?

How would that change your experience when you're anxious?

Like say, all of you here,

you were just way too confident,

and you're like, "Julien, I need help being more anxious.

I'm too confident."

I'm like, "Here's some tips and tricks to be more anxious."

Like even you up here,

I'm like, "Come on, more anxious.

You're too confident, damn it, more anxiety."

Say you were to experience anxiety, what would happen?

Your default would be like, "Yes."

And it would have a less heavy effect, and hold on you.

Well, same here.

What if you were born in a society where this was the goal?

Instead of being, "Oh, I need to be like,"

like say everyone on Instagram is like,

"Damn it, I need to be more like this."

Then how would you feel about yourself?

Wherever you are, however you feel,

whatever you look like, that is the goal.

Doesn't mean it can't change a second later,

but make the present moment and the present you the goal,

that's self-love.

And that's also what leads to true change,

'cause otherwise it's always outta reaction.

This is the goal,

this is the goal,

this is the goal.

And that is how you live your life.

And then never use external things as a barrier to that,

'cause here's one final piece of advice,

say you were to get in that perfect physique, guess what?

You're gonna get old.

You're not gonna maintain that.

Say you get it, what if you lose it?

Then 10, 20 years later,

you're like, "Oh no, I'm not like, I'm now,"

you know, like say,

it's like fast forward, "I'm 70 years old.

Look at those 20-year olds on Instagram."

You can't do that.

Ultimately, it's also giving your power away.

No, you are good enough as you are, why?

Just 'cause anyone who says the opposite program beliefs.

Anyone who even tries to justify,

"Well, yeah, but then, but it's like,"

well, that that's your own program belief.

You're the goal, take someone else's.

Completely different, they're the goal too.

We are all the goal.

- Okay, yeah.

- 'Cause it's also your life and your reality.

- Yeah. - No one else is living it.

You can live it outta self-hate or self-love,

choice is yours,

and then letting go and identifying the resistance to that.

So final thing for you, are you the goal?

- Yes.

- That didn't sound very confident.

Are you the goal?

- I am the goal.

- What are you?

- I am the goal.

- Own it, like know how The Rock says, "I'm The Rock."

You're the goal. (audience laughing)

What are you? - I'm the goal.

- One more, even louder.

What are you? - I'm the goal.

- Yeah, come on.

(audience applauding) Amazing.

Hey. - Yeah.

- Bring it in. - Thank you.

(audience applauding)

- Absolutely amazing.

(audience applauding)

One last thing on this, and massive respect,

do keep this in mind.

With being the goal, I also call this "Finding the equal."

Meaning, if you take say,

even your emotional state at any point in time,

we tend to go up and down, right?

Sometimes you're in a great mood, you're in a flow,

sometimes you're down here in your head.

The problem is, we all wanna be up here,

so whenever we're up here, it feels great.

But whenever we're down here, there's resistance,

because what we want doesn't match reality.

If who you are, it doesn't match who you want to be,

it's the same thing.

Now, what I always tell people is if you're out of state,

you're in your head, you're out of this social flow,

the best way to get outta state is

to love being outta state.

As soon as you love being outta state, you're in state.

'Cause in reality, you don't wanna be up here,

you just wanna find the equal.

You just want reality to match what you want.

So option one is always chasing up here.

Option two is, hey, if I'm down here,

hell yeah, that's the equal.

Then in life, you're gonna move up and down,

and wherever you are, find the equal.

You are the goal.

All of you here, not just you,

you are the goal.

And if there's anything blocking you,

and you resistance to accepting this, let go.