Why You Think You're Ugly | Melissa Butler | TEDxDetroit

Summary

Amanda Chu, a self-proclaimed beauty disruptor, advocates for a broader understanding of beauty beyond traditional standards. Raised in Detroit, she challenges the linear beauty norms that favor light-skinned, thin, and young women. Through her cosmetic company, she aims to redefine attractiveness and promote self-love. Chu emphasizes the impact of these standards on self-esteem and opportunities, urging individuals to recognize and challenge societal triggers that undermine self-worth. She calls for a shift towards accepting diverse beauty, including different skin tones, body shapes, and cultural practices, to foster a more inclusive and self-affirming society.

Takeaways

• 🌟 The speaker is a beauty disruptor and self-esteem advocate challenging traditional beauty standards.
• 🏙 Growing up in Detroit, the speaker faced beauty standards that favored light-skinned, thin women, which did not align with her own features.
• 💪 A pivotal moment of self-acceptance occurred when the speaker learned to love herself despite not fitting the conventional beauty mold.
• 💄 The speaker founded a cosmetic company with the mission to redefine beauty and promote inclusivity.
• 🔍 The current beauty industry perpetuates a narrow view of attractiveness, often represented by fair-skinned, thin, young women.
• 🚫 This narrow definition of beauty can lead to self-doubt and a sense of not being enough, impacting personal and professional opportunities.
• 🌍 The Western standard of beauty is becoming a global norm, influencing perceptions and practices in diverse cultures.
• 🚫 The linear view of beauty excludes plus-sized, mature, and ethnic women, making them feel invalidated and unwanted.
• 🤔 The speaker questions the cultural constructs of attractiveness and suggests that it is shaped by our environment and experiences.
• 🔄 The speaker calls for a transformation in how we perceive beauty, advocating for self-love and acceptance of diverse appearances.

Q & A

What is the main message the speaker is trying to convey about beauty standards?

The speaker is advocating for a broader and more inclusive understanding of beauty, challenging the linear and narrow standards that are often dictated by societal norms and media. She emphasizes the importance of self-love and acceptance, regardless of one's physical appearance.

How does the speaker describe her own experience growing up in Detroit with beauty standards?

The speaker shares her personal experience of not fitting the typical beauty standards of being light-skinned with long hair. She mentions being brown-skinned, curvier, having a gap in her teeth, and a flat butt, and how these attributes were negatively perceived by others.

What lesson did the speaker learn from an early encounter with someone commenting on her appearance?

The speaker learned the importance of self-love and not allowing others' opinions to determine her self-worth. This experience taught her to love herself wholly and to value herself regardless of societal beauty standards.

Why did the speaker start her cosmetic company?

The speaker started her cosmetic company out of frustration with the singular lens through which attractiveness was viewed. She aimed to change the way people think about beauty, both for themselves and for those who look differently.

How does the speaker feel about the current representation of beauty in media and advertising?

The speaker criticizes the media and advertising for perpetuating a narrow view of beauty, often showcasing fair-skinned, thin, young women, which can lead to a sense of inadequacy and low self-esteem in those who do not fit this mold.

What impact does the speaker believe the current beauty standards have on women's self-esteem and opportunities?

The speaker believes that the current beauty standards can lead to low self-esteem and a feeling of not being enough, which in turn can stifle opportunities and prevent women from feeling that they belong or deserve success.

How does the speaker connect the concept of beauty to historical and cultural values?

The speaker connects beauty to historical and cultural values by discussing how beauty standards are often a reflection of our environment and upbringing. She gives examples such as men marrying women who resemble their mothers and how different cultures value different physical traits.

What global issue does the speaker identify with the spread of Western beauty standards?

The speaker identifies a global issue where the Western standard of beauty is becoming the global standard, leading to practices like skin bleaching in countries with people of color, despite the health risks associated with it.

How does the speaker suggest we can start loving ourselves and transforming our views on beauty?

The speaker suggests identifying and eliminating triggers that make us feel less than, such as excessive social media use or negative influences in our lives. She encourages self-reflection and self-love, and extending that love and acceptance to others who may look different from us.

What is the speaker's view on the impact of beauty standards on children and future generations?

The speaker is concerned that current beauty standards are affecting children's self-esteem and their ability to accept and love themselves and others. She points out that this can lead to a cycle of low self-worth and consumption of harmful beauty trends.

What specific example does the speaker provide to illustrate the drastic changes in beauty standards and their effects?

The speaker provides the example of the drastic increase in plastic surgery for butt and thigh enhancements, which has risen by 4,200% since the year 2000, to illustrate the impact of beauty standards on people's perceptions of their bodies.

Outlines

00:00

🌟 Challenging Linear Beauty Standards

The speaker, a self-proclaimed beauty disruptor and self-esteem advocate, shares her personal journey of growing up in Detroit with non-conventional beauty standards for black girls. Despite not fitting the mold of light-skinned, thin, and having long hair, she learned to love herself wholly. She emphasizes the importance of not letting others' opinions define one's self-worth. The speaker recounts her experience of starting a cosmetic company with the mission to redefine beauty standards and to challenge the singular lens through which attractiveness is often viewed. She critiques the narrow representation of beauty in media and society, which can lead to low self-esteem and a sense of not belonging. She also addresses the broader implications of these beauty standards on opportunities and self-perception, not just for women but also for men, and calls for a change in how we perceive and extend beauty to others.

05:04

🌈 Transforming Beauty Perceptions

The speaker delves into the global impact of linear beauty standards, highlighting the issue of skin bleaching in Lagos, Nigeria, and the pressure on plus-sized, mature, and ethnic women to conform to these standards. She points out that the beauty industry perpetuates these ideals, affecting not only women but also men, as seen in the preference for taller CEOs. The speaker discusses the multi-generational and gender-neutral nature of this issue, noting its impact on children's self-esteem and their consumption of weight-loss and cosmetic surgery trends. She shares a personal anecdote about her own body image and how societal pressures could have led her down a path of surgery. The speaker concludes with a call to action, urging the audience to identify and eliminate triggers that make them feel less than and to practice self-love and acceptance, extending this love to others who may not look like them.

Keywords

💡Linear beauty standards

Linear beauty standards refer to the conventional and narrow criteria of beauty that are widely accepted and promoted in society. These standards often include attributes such as fair skin, slim body, and youthfulness. In the video, the speaker challenges these standards by sharing her personal experiences of not fitting into them and advocating for a broader and more inclusive definition of beauty.

💡Self-esteem

Self-esteem is an individual's overall sense of self-worth or personal value. It is closely tied to how one perceives oneself and is often influenced by societal standards and external opinions. The speaker in the video emphasizes the importance of self-esteem by sharing how she learned to love herself despite not meeting conventional beauty standards and encourages others to do the same.

💡Cosmetic company

A cosmetic company is a business that manufactures and sells beauty products such as makeup, skincare, and fragrances. The speaker mentions her cosmetic company as a platform to challenge traditional beauty norms. She started making lipstick in her kitchen out of frustration with the limited representation of beauty, aiming to offer a broader range of products that cater to diverse beauty needs.

💡Attractiveness

Attractiveness is a quality that causes someone or something to be pleasing or appealing to the senses or mind. In the context of the video, the speaker questions the conventional understanding of attractiveness and argues that it has been overly simplified and homogenized, leading to a narrow perception of beauty that excludes many people.

💡Cultural footprint

Cultural footprint refers to the influence and impact of a culture on the values, beliefs, and behaviors of individuals and society. The speaker discusses how the Western standard of beauty has become a global standard, influencing what is considered attractive across different cultures, which has led to practices like skin bleaching and the pursuit of Eurocentric beauty traits.

💡Self-love

Self-love is the act of appreciating and caring for oneself. It is a central theme in the video, where the speaker shares her journey of learning to love herself despite societal pressures to conform to a certain image. She encourages the audience to practice self-love as a means to boost self-esteem and resist negative influences.

💡Pop culture

Pop culture, short for popular culture, refers to the ideas, perspectives, attitudes, images, and other cultural elements that are popular and widely circulated by mass media. In the video, the speaker discusses how pop culture perpetuates narrow beauty standards and challenges the audience to resist these influences in favor of a more inclusive and diverse understanding of beauty.

💡Body positivity

Body positivity is a social movement that encourages individuals to have a positive body image and to accept and appreciate their bodies as they are. The speaker in the video advocates for body positivity by sharing her own experiences of not fitting into conventional beauty standards and by promoting the idea that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.

💡Skin bleaching

Skin bleaching is the practice of using chemicals to lighten the skin. It is mentioned in the video as a harmful trend that has become prevalent in some cultures due to the influence of Western beauty standards. The speaker points out the health risks associated with skin bleaching and critiques the beauty industry for perpetuating the idea that lighter skin is more attractive.

💡Plastic surgery

Plastic surgery is a medical procedure that involves altering or reshaping parts of the body for cosmetic reasons. The speaker in the video discusses the rise in plastic surgery, particularly for procedures like butt and thigh augmentation, as an example of how societal beauty standards can drive individuals to alter their bodies to fit a certain ideal.

💡Inclusivity

Inclusivity is the practice of including people who might otherwise be excluded because of their race, gender, socioeconomic status, or other factors. The speaker advocates for a more inclusive approach to beauty, arguing that beauty standards should be broadened to accommodate diverse appearances and to celebrate the unique features of individuals from different backgrounds.

Highlights

The speaker is a self-proclaimed beauty disruptor and self-esteem advocate, challenging linear beauty standards.

Growing up in Detroit, the speaker did not fit the conventional beauty standards for black girls.

A pivotal moment of self-love came from not letting others' opinions define her worth.

The speaker founded a cosmetic company to alter the perception of beauty and inclusivity.

The frustration with the narrow definition of attractiveness led to the creation of the company.

A critique of the homogeneity in mainstream beauty representations, often featuring fair-skinned, thin, young women.

The internalization of beauty standards can lead to self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy.

The impact of beauty standards extends to opportunities and self-worth, affecting personal and professional life.

The historical linkage of women's value to their physical appearance and its ongoing repercussions.

Examples of how beauty standards are enforced across different sectors, from sports to politics.

The absurdity of excluding a child from school due to her hairstyle, highlighting cultural insensitivity.

A call to question the definition of attractiveness and its subjectivity.

The influence of cultural environment on individual perceptions of beauty.

The global spread of Western beauty standards and its impact on diverse cultures.

Alarming statistics on skin bleaching practices and their health risks, driven by beauty standards.

The linear beauty standard's exclusionary effects on plus-sized, mature, and ethnic women.

The broader implications of beauty standards on both genders and across generations.

The rise in plastic surgery as a response to societal beauty pressures.

A personal reflection on the speaker's own experiences with body image and the importance of self-confidence.

Practical advice on identifying and eliminating triggers that undermine self-esteem.

A challenge to the audience to embrace self-love and extend acceptance to others.

Transcripts

Transcriber: Kamilah Roca-Datzer Reviewer: Amanda Chu

I am a beauty disruptor.

(Cheers)

I am a self-esteem advocate.

But more than anything,

I am a woman who's fed up with linear beauty standards.

(Cheers)

I grew up right here in Detroit,

where the ideal image for black girls is light-skinned with long hair.

Well, I'm brown-skinned.

I was always curvier,

I had a gap in between my teeth,

and I had a flat butt.

Still do.

But I remember vividly

overhearing a guy describe me with the attributes I didn't have.

"She not even light-skinned."

"She's got a flat butt."

But at this time, you couldn't tell me a thing.

I thought I was so cute.

(Laughter)

And that day taught me a valuable lesson.

It taught me how to love myself wholly.

And more importantly,

it taught me how to never allow someone else's opinion of me

to determine my value.

(Cheers) (Applause)

For the last six years, I've built a cosmetic company

with the idea to change the way we think about beauty for ourselves

and ultimately, how we extend that to those who look differently from us.

When I started making lipstick in my kitchen,

it wasn't because I was passionate about makeup - no.

It was because I was frustrated

that attractiveness was consistently looked at through a singular lens.

Today if you search the word "beauty,"

you'll end up with a sea of fair-skinned, thin, young women

as if good looks don't come in any other form.

And so, when we have those ideas in the back of our mind,

we really start to think that we're ugly.

We look at the beautiful people and we think, man, they have it all.

They're rich, they're in love, they're happy, they're successful.

And I could have that too if I just had ..., if I just changed ...

We start to think that we're not enough of something,

that we are lacking in some areas.

That causes us to stifle opportunities for ourselves

because we feel as though we don't belong and that we don't deserve.

And even worse, we extend that lack of confidence and low self-esteem.

We extend that onto our sisters, our friends, our cousins.

Because if I'm not enough, she's definitely not enough, right?

For years, women were taught

that our value was directly linked with our looks,

our ability to get married, our ability to have children.

And even today, now that women are starting businesses, taking office -

taking over the world, essentially -

we're still relegated to this idea

that beauty and our looks are most important.

We see this in every industry,

from Serena dominating on the tennis court to Hillary running for President,

all the way down to Louisiana,

where a little girl wasn't permitted to go to school,

because of her braided hairstyle.

Now, braids have always been

a long standing part of African and African-American beauty culture.

And just because you don't practice it,

it doesn't mean that you can't accept or respect it.

And I don't know about you, but the last time I checked,

my hairstyle didn't prevent me from learning.

The tutu that I wear on the tennis court

doesn't prevent me from winning a Grand Slam.

And the colored suit that I wear,

it certainly doesn't make me ill-equipped to run a country.

But what's attractiveness anyway?

And shouldn't it be subjective?

Well, yes and no.

What's attractive has become a popularized understanding

of our cultural footprint.

What we as individuals believe as attractive

is directly stemmed from our environment.

That's why men really just want to marry women just like their moms.

And as much as we want to hate them for it,

they can't help it.

That's their first perspective of what beauty and love is.

Like if I were to grow up in Ghana,

I would have valued my thick thighs a lot more than I do

having grown up in the US.

And while the world is becoming more interconnected than ever,

we're seeing that the global standard of beauty

is quickly becoming the Western standard of beauty,

so much so that in countries like South Africa or China,

where the population is largely people of color,

white women are still at the forefront of these commercial campaigns.

So it doesn't surprise me

to hear that 70% of women in Lagos, Nigeria, bleach their skin

even though skin bleaching has been linked to cancer.

What that tells me is that 10-billion-dollar industry

is being upheld by this idea that beauty is linear.

Those women are just trying to get ahead.

This idea leaves plus-sized women feeling invalid,

mature women feeling

as though they aged out of their beauty beyond their child-bearing years,

and ethnic women feeling unwanted.

And don't get me wrong.

While it impacts women the most, it's not only us who suffer.

Most males CEOs of Fortune 500 companies are taller than average

because height is linked to attractiveness and power.

This is a multi-generational, gender-neutral issue.

Our children are growing up not valuing themselves

and certainly not being able to extend that love and acceptance onto their peers.

Those children grow up with low self-esteem

and end up being consumers of weight-loss fads,

of plastic surgery.

Have you guys noticed the plastic surgery trend?

Surgery on your butt and thigh is up 4,200% since the year 2000.

How crazy is that?

And so it makes me think back to when I was a little girl,

and I thought about me not having a butt.

You know if I didn't have that confidence to keep going on,

I could be one of these statistics.

So how do we transform?

How do we start loving ourselves?

Well, first of all, we have to figure out what those triggers are

that make us feel less than.

Is it scrolling through social media?

You may need to give it a break.

Is it going shopping?

Or is it simply just going over Granny's to hear her telling you

how much weight you've gained since the last time she saw you.

Figure out what those items are and cut them off.

I'm telling you if Granny is pulling you down,

Granny has got to go.

(Laughter)

You have to be prepared to go to bat for your identity

in this pop culture driven society.

So I challenge each of you,

when you go home today,

look at yourself in the mirror,

see all of you,

look at all of your greatness that you embody,

accept it, and love it.

And finally, when you leave the house tomorrow,

try to extend that same love and acceptance

to someone who doesn't look like you.

Thank you.

(Applause) (Cheers)