The person you really need to marry | Tracy McMillan | TEDxOlympicBlvdWomen

Summary

In this candid and humorous talk, the speaker reflects on her journey through three marriages and divorces, ultimately realizing that the key to a successful relationship was to 'marry oneself.' She explains the concept as a full commitment to oneself, embracing one's wholeness and learning to love oneself unconditionally. This self-love transforms all aspects of life, enabling a new way of loving others and oneself, and redefining the essence of relationships.

Takeaways

• 😄 The speaker humorously recounts her childhood and the song that influenced her ideas about love and relationships.
• 🔄 She has experienced multiple marriages and divorces, leading to a reevaluation of her approach to relationships.
• 🤔 The speaker suggests that her repeated pattern of marriage and divorce was due to marrying the wrong person - herself.
• 💍 The concept of 'marrying yourself' is introduced as a commitment to building a relationship with oneself, symbolized by putting a ring on it.
• 🧘‍♀️ The idea of self-love and wholeness is central to the concept of self-marriage, emphasizing that one is already complete.
• 🤝 The speaker's marriages, including the positive outcomes with her ex-husbands, serve as examples of her journey towards self-understanding.
• 🏠 Her difficult childhood, including time in foster care and parents with troubled lives, shaped her early goal to never be left alone.
• 💔 The realization of her pattern of leaving relationships and the painful honesty of acknowledging her role in them is part of her self-marriage vows.
• 📜 The vows of self-marriage include loving oneself in all circumstances, forgiving oneself, and being there for oneself no matter what.
• 💡 The transformation that comes from marrying oneself extends to all areas of life, including business, family, and social relationships.
• 🌟 The speaker's new perspective allows her to approach life with the intention of lighting up her corner of the world, focusing on helping others and being present.

Q & A

What song did the speaker mention from her childhood?

The speaker mentioned a song from her childhood that went, 'Tracy and so and so, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage.'

What was the speaker's initial belief about relationships?

The speaker initially believed that the proper sequence of a relationship is love, marriage, and then a baby carriage, indicating a straightforward path to a successful relationship.

How many times has the speaker been married and divorced?

The speaker has been married three times and divorced three times.

What realization did the speaker come to after the collapse of her third marriage?

After the collapse of her third marriage, the speaker realized that she needed to marry herself first in order to have successful relationships.

What does the concept of 'marrying yourself' mean to the speaker?

Marry yourself means entering into a committed relationship with oneself, recognizing and accepting one's wholeness, and not relying on external factors or people to feel complete.

What were the speaker's vows to herself when she decided to marry herself?

The vows included marrying herself for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, and to have and to hold herself.

What was the speaker's childhood background, and how did it influence her?

The speaker's mother was a prostitute and alcoholic, and her father was a criminal involved in drug dealing and pimping. She spent her childhood in foster care, which led to her goal of never being left, which she believed she could achieve through marriage.

How did the speaker's perspective on love change after marrying herself?

After marrying herself, the speaker learned to love in a new way, being able to love other people for who they are, right where they are, without needing them to complete her.

What is the speaker's current approach to dating and relationships?

The speaker's current approach is to be in a relationship without seeking security or validation from a partner. She focuses on how she feels in their presence and is more interested in her own feelings than in how they feel about her.

How does the speaker describe her new role in life after marrying herself?

The speaker describes her new role as lighting up her little corner of the world, focusing on helping others and contributing uniquely to her social communities.

What was the speaker's realization about herself during her recent date?

The speaker realized that she was more interested in how she felt about herself than how her date felt about her, indicating her commitment to herself and her self-love.