How to Fight Perfectionism | The Happiness Lab | Dr. Laurie Santos

Summary

This video explores the impact of perfectionism on mental health, featuring Jordana, a recovering perfectionist. She shares her journey of recognizing harmful self-talk and the necessity of setting boundaries to avoid overwhelm. Through practical strategies like journaling thoughts and visualizing her inner critic, Jordana learns to cultivate self-compassion and resist the pressures of perfectionism. The narrator resonates with her story, reflecting on their own struggles and the ongoing nature of recovery. The episode sets the stage for future discussions on embracing boredom and finding joy in stillness, encouraging a gentler approach to personal growth.

Takeaways

• 😀 Perfectionism can lead to exhaustion and a feeling of never being good enough.
• 😀 Visualizing your inner critic can help in detaching from negative self-talk.
• 😀 Journaling thoughts helps identify harmful self-criticisms and their origins.
• 😀 Self-compassion is essential in combating perfectionist tendencies.
• 😀 Setting boundaries is crucial for managing responsibilities and reducing overwhelm.
• 😀 Recognizing the social opportunity cost of saying yes can help prioritize personal values.
• 😀 It's beneficial to wait before responding to new commitments to assess true desire.
• 😀 Recovery from perfectionism is a daily practice, not a one-time fix.
• 😀 Compassionate self-talk can eventually become instinctive with practice.
• 😀 Acknowledging the ongoing nature of perfectionism helps in maintaining progress.

Q & A

What metaphor does Jordana's therapist use to explain the futility of perfectionism?

The therapist compares Jordana to a racehorse that has broken down, emphasizing that one wouldn't whip a racehorse to make it run faster when it is injured.

How does Jordana define her relationship with perfectionism after her therapy?

Jordana describes her relationship with perfectionism as an ongoing commitment to reject her exacting standards daily, rather than a one-time victory.

What practical tool does Jordana suggest for recognizing negative self-talk?

Jordana recommends keeping a thought journal to identify the critical phrases used by the inner critic and to recognize their origins.

How does Jordana visualize her inner critic, and what purpose does this serve?

Jordana draws her inner critic as a little green goblin, which helps her detach from negative thoughts and respond to them more compassionately.

What are the initial steps for someone struggling with perfectionism to become kinder to themselves?

The initial steps include recognizing critical thoughts, visualizing the inner critic, and practicing compassionate self-talk.

What strategy does Jordana use to set healthier boundaries?

Jordana employs a 'timeout' strategy, waiting at least two hours before responding to new requests to evaluate her desire and the potential cost of saying yes.

What does Jordana mean by 'social opportunity cost'?

Social opportunity cost refers to what one sacrifices by saying yes to new responsibilities, particularly how it affects relationships with loved ones.

How does the host relate to Jordana's story?

The host identifies with Jordana’s struggles, especially in establishing boundaries and being self-critical despite teaching self-compassion.

What is the significance of neuroplasticity in the context of changing thought patterns?

Neuroplasticity suggests that with consistent practice, new, compassionate thoughts can become instinctive, eventually replacing harmful self-criticism.

What upcoming topic does the host plan to explore in the next episode?

The host plans to explore the benefits of boredom and how embracing it can lead to healthier mental habits.