The 3 Levels of Verbal Self-Defense (Manipulators)

Summary

This video script delves into the three tiers of verbal self-defense, starting with mild disagreements where individuals might need to assert themselves more. It progresses to Level Two, confronting manipulative tactics often used by narcissists who aim to degrade others for personal gain. The most perilous Level Three addresses cult-like indoctrination, where manipulators exploit vulnerabilities to control and confuse victims. The script advises on linguistic strategies to counter such manipulations and emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and setting boundaries to protect oneself.

Takeaways

• 😀 Level one of verbal self-defense involves mild disagreements where individuals may feel uncomfortable but not highly confrontational.
• 🤔 People who are often passive or submissive in interactions may need to build self-esteem and clarify their values to avoid being walked over.
• 🗣️ Clarification is key in level one, where individuals should express how they want to be treated and what they stand for to prevent misunderstandings.
• 📚 Basic education on oneself and topics of regular discussion can help in holding one's ground and not being dominated in conversations.
• 🚫 Asserting one's right to be respected and pushing back when necessary is crucial in defending oneself against disrespectful behavior.
• 🧐 Level two escalates to manipulative tactics where individuals, like narcissists, aim to degrade and control others for their own gain.
• 🚫 Narcissists often use tactics to make others feel inferior and maintain a metaframe where they are always superior.
• 🔒 The best defense against narcissists is to use minimal responses and avoid engaging in their manipulative conversations.
• 🤝 Reflecting on the emotional state and feelings after interactions can help identify toxic relationships and decide whether to distance oneself.
• 🚨 Level three involves cult-like indoctrination where manipulators attempt to suppress one's identity and beliefs to conform to their mold.
• ⚠️ Cult leaders use advanced linguistic strategies to confuse and isolate victims, making it extremely dangerous and requiring awareness of one's vulnerabilities.

Q & A

What are the three main levels of verbal self-defense discussed in the script?

The three main levels of verbal self-defense discussed are: Level one, which involves mild disagreements; Level two, which involves manipulative tactics often used by narcissists; and Level three, which is the most dangerous and involves cult indoctrination.

What is the key issue in Level one of verbal self-defense?

Level one involves mild disagreements where individuals may feel uncomfortable but are not highly confrontational. The key issue is the lack of ability to hold one's ground in an interaction, often leading to passive or submissive behavior.

How can one build self-esteem and avoid being walked over according to Level one?

To build self-esteem and avoid being walked over in Level one, one should clarify their values, what they stand for, and how they want to be treated. It involves self-education and asserting oneself respectfully while setting boundaries.

What is the typical behavior of a narcissist as described in Level two?

Narcissists, as described in Level two, do not just disagree but actively seek to degrade others to gain value from their suffering. They use manipulative tactics, hide their true intentions, and maintain a meta-frame where they are always superior.

How can one defend against a narcissist's manipulative tactics?

Defending against a narcissist involves using short, minimal responses to avoid engaging with their manipulative tactics. It's also important to recognize and avoid getting trapped in their linguistic frames.

What are some of the linguistic frames that narcissists use to manipulate their victims?

Narcissists use frames such as 'I'm doing this for you', 'You can't succeed without me', and 'I know you better than anyone else' to maintain control and manipulate their victims.

What is the most dangerous level of verbal self-defense and why?

The most dangerous level is Level three, involving cult indoctrination, because it seeks to suppress one's identity and isolate them from loved ones, using advanced manipulative tactics to control the victim's beliefs and thoughts.

How do cult leaders or manipulators at Level three confuse their victims?

Cult leaders or manipulators at Level three confuse their victims by constantly trying to make them doubt their beliefs, using elaborate tactics to induce confusion and isolate them from support systems.

What is the recommended defense strategy against a cult leader's manipulation?

The recommended defense strategy is to identify and protect one's emotional vulnerabilities, seek help, and distance oneself from such manipulators. It involves recognizing the manipulative tactics and establishing personal boundaries.

What resource is suggested in the script for those who want to understand language patterns and manipulation better?

The script suggests a document called 'The Seven Steps to Master Slide of Mouth' for understanding language patterns and manipulation, which can also help in becoming more persuasive.

How can one determine their personal boundaries when dealing with toxic individuals?

One can determine their personal boundaries by evaluating their emotional state after interactions and considering their instincts. It involves defining how far one allows others to go and identifying the point of no return.

Outlines

00:00

😀 Level One: Mild Disagreements and Self-Defense

The speaker introduces the concept of verbal self-defense, focusing on the first level which involves mild disagreements. This level is characterized by situations where individuals may feel uncomfortable but are not necessarily highly confrontational. It often affects those who are frequently taken advantage of, such as at work or in personal relationships. The speaker emphasizes the importance of self-esteem and clarifying one's values and boundaries to prevent being walked over. They suggest that individuals should educate themselves on topics they care about to hold their ground in discussions. Furthermore, they recommend using language patterns that acknowledge the other person's perspective while asserting one's own, without imposing views. The goal is to establish mutual respect and prevent escalation.

05:00

😈 Level Two: Defending Against Manipulative Tactics

The second level of verbal self-defense is discussed, which involves dealing with manipulative tactics often employed by narcissists. These individuals aim to degrade others to elevate themselves, seeking value from others' suffering. The speaker describes how narcissists use various tactics to maintain control, such as framing their actions as being for the victim's benefit or making the victim feel dependent on them. They also use diversionary tactics to avoid直面 questions that challenge their manipulative behavior. The speaker advises using minimal responses to avoid engaging with the narcissist's attempts to provoke and trigger reactions. The focus is on recognizing these patterns and protecting oneself from such manipulation.

10:01

😥 Level Three: Cult Indoctrination and Extreme Manipulation

The third and most dangerous level of verbal self-defense is explored, which involves cult indoctrination. The speaker discusses how cult leaders or members use advanced manipulative tactics to suppress an individual's identity and beliefs. They aim to confuse and isolate victims from their support systems, narrowing their thoughts and beliefs to align with the cult's agenda. The speaker suggests that the best defense against such manipulation is to identify and protect one's deepest vulnerabilities and emotional hotspots. They also recommend distancing oneself from individuals who consistently trigger negative emotions and to seek help through therapy if necessary.

15:02

📚 Resources for Enhancing Verbal Self-Defense

The speaker concludes by offering resources to help individuals enhance their verbal self-defense skills. They mention a document called 'Seven Steps to Master Slide of Mouth' available in the video description, which can assist in understanding language patterns and becoming more persuasive. The speaker encourages viewers to use these resources to protect themselves against manipulative individuals and to communicate their intentions more effectively.

Keywords

💡Verbal Self-Defense

Verbal self-defense refers to the tactics and strategies one uses to protect oneself from verbal attacks, manipulation, or undue influence. In the video, it is discussed as a response to different levels of verbal aggression, from mild disagreements to more severe forms of manipulation. The script emphasizes its importance in maintaining personal boundaries and self-respect.

💡Mild Disagreement

A mild disagreement is a low-intensity conflict situation where there is some discomfort but not necessarily high levels of confrontation or negativity. The video describes this as the first level of verbal self-defense, where individuals may need to establish their ground and assert themselves without escalating the situation.

💡Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is the value or confidence one has in oneself. The script highlights that individuals with low self-esteem might find it difficult to assert themselves during disagreements and are more susceptible to being manipulated or walked over. Building self-esteem is suggested as a way to handle the first level of verbal self-defense.

💡Clarification

Clarification in the context of the video refers to the process of clearly defining one's values, boundaries, and expectations in communication. It is mentioned as a strategy to educate oneself and others on how one wishes to be treated and to assert one's perspective in a disagreement.

💡Manipulative Tactics

These are strategies used by individuals to control or influence others in a way that serves their own interests. The video discusses how these tactics are used in the second level of verbal self-defense and are often employed by narcissists to degrade others and gain power.

💡Narcissist

A narcissist, as discussed in the video, is someone who has an inflated sense of self-importance and a lack of empathy for others. They are depicted as individuals who use manipulative tactics to maintain control over others and derive value from others' suffering or attention.

💡Codependent Relationship

A codependent relationship is one where one person relies excessively on another for emotional support and validation. The video describes how narcissists can create such relationships, where the victim is constantly giving and the narcissist is barely giving anything in return.

💡Cult Indoctrination

Cult indoctrination refers to the process of instilling beliefs and attitudes in individuals through manipulative and controlling means, often used by cult leaders. The video describes this as the most dangerous level of verbal self-defense, where individuals' identities and beliefs are suppressed to conform to the cult's ideology.

💡Emotional Hotspots

Emotional hotspots are sensitive areas or triggers that evoke strong emotional responses. The script explains that manipulators, especially cult leaders, exploit these hotspots to induce confusion and vulnerability, making individuals more susceptible to their influence.

💡Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual, making them question their own memory, perception, or sanity. The video mentions it as a tactic used by cult leaders to confuse and control their victims.

💡Boundaries

Boundaries are the limits or extents to which an individual allows others to interfere with their life or overstep their personal space. The video emphasizes the importance of defining and maintaining personal boundaries to protect oneself from toxic relationships and manipulative individuals.

Highlights

Introduction to the three main levels of verbal self-defense

Level one involves mild disagreements and the need to build self-esteem

Clarification of personal values and boundaries is essential in level one

Educating oneself on personal topics to hold ground in discussions

Using language patterns to assert one's perspective without imposing views

Level two focuses on defending against manipulative tactics

Narcissists use degradation to gain power and attention

Recognizing narcissistic language patterns to maintain self-esteem

Minimizing interaction with narcissists as a defense strategy

The importance of self-reflection when dealing with potentially toxic individuals

Level three involves the most dangerous form of manipulation: cult indoctrination

Cult leaders use confusion and isolation to control their followers

The manipulative tactics used by cult leaders to exploit emotional vulnerabilities

Strategies for identifying and defending against deep emotional manipulation

The necessity of setting personal boundaries to protect against toxic influences

The提供的seven steps to master slide of mouth document for further study on language defense

Encouragement to seek help through therapy for those struggling with manipulative relationships

Final thoughts on staying away from manipulators and the预告 of the next video

Transcripts

good morning we are going to study the

three main levels of verbal self-defense

and more specifically the three kind of

situations escalating from the least

damaging one to the most problematic and

dangerous one and see what kind of

individuals are likely to trigger the

need to defend

[Applause]

yourself the first one level one is in

the context of a mild disagreement so it

may not be highly confrontational or

highly negative yet but there is still

some uncomfortable feelings to be

processed in that situation that happens

quite commonly to people who tend to let

themselves be walked over all the time

at their job maybe in their family maybe

in their group of friends they are

always the the person we make jokes

about and at some point even if the

person appears like yeah yeah it's fine

it's fine laugh at me that person may

still build up the anger inside if that

is not being treated uh early enough

that may escalate into some more Pro

difficult situation to handle so

specifically when people have trouble to

hold the ground to hold the frame in an

interaction and always tend to get back

into the passive almost like submissive

mode whenever they get in front of

somebody who appears to be more

confident at least a little bit the

problem is to build up more more

self-esteem and that can sometimes be

done only through

clarification if you ask yourself what

do I stand for what is it that I want

people to say about me because if you

have never clarified that yourself then

how are people supposed to know how they

should should treat you if you don't

know yourself how you want to be treated

if you haven't clarified with at least

five sentences cuz sometimes when I tell

people write down a goal they write down

like three words and the problem of

clarification is to write with at least

to think with more than three words it

is about clarifying specifying how do

you want others to treat you what is

your outcome with them if you don't like

the way people interact with you when

they kind of degrade your

self-esteem how what else do you want

instead how do you want them to react

how do you want them to resp respond uh

if you want them to respect you more

what does that mean what does respect

look like what does respect sound like

what does respect feel like from the

inside for them and from you can you

clarify all of that what do you stand

for in life why do you stand for that

and how much do you know yourself if you

don't know anything about yourself and

about what you like about what you don't

like then anyone can impose their

opinions and their points of views on

you so this level is getting solved in

many cases through basic education

educating yourself on yourself first of

all educating yourself on the topics you

regularly talk about and maybe the

topics on which you get confront you

kind of get like lowered in the argument

because people don't really let you

speak educate yourself on those topics

at least enough to hold the ground and

not not letting yourself or avoid

letting yourself be walked over by any

idiot who just think uh they are more

important than you

at some point you may also need to push

back a little bit to show that hey you

are a human being you have the right to

be respected in the same way you respect

them that is in your duty to accomplish

such a result if people don't want to

allocate that right to you and in terms

of language patterns we might simply use

the basic pacing and leading I a

knowledge you are right about this and

that and my perspective is that and this

which is different than you yours I

don't try to impose my views on you

therefore I don't tolerate you want to

impose your views on me as simple as

that if you respect and a knowledge for

something that you know is true about

them or something they like to be said

about them and you say of course I see

you are very confident person I can see

you are um somebody who think for them

for themselves and what I would like to

add to this is that my perspective is

different than yours on this topic and

that topic this is my point of view I

want you to respect my point of view

just clarifying it sometimes will be

enough if you're just at level one my

your disagreement that won't be enough

for the next levels but in the beginning

if it is just about people kind of

pushing you Pock pocking you like

because they like to to trigger you in a

joking way clarifying you don't like

that fine how do you want to be treated

instead instead of this Behavior what

what else do you want to see from them

that will make you resp make them

respect you more that is level one and

that is pretty easy to solve now that

gets trickier when we get into uh level

two level two which is the most common

and the the broadest one when we talk

about manipulative tactics how to defend

against against those it will be the

narcissist our dear friend The

Narcissist people who are not just

disagreeing with you there are people

who literally want to degrade you and

like really really put you in the back

and put you down just to gain some value

from you suffering and that value they

are getting out of view may be very C

counterintuitive if it is a narcissist

in the context of uh relationship of

love if a narcissist is trying to keep

uh the other person with him or with her

that may be because they crave the

attention that their victim is giving to

them and that person who is in that

situation the victim might not be aware

at all that they are providing such a

level of attention they might not even

realize it but what a narcissist will do

is try to get by every means possible a

victim somewhere to get what he or she

can't achieve by themselves so whatever

the narcissist tries to get out of you

they will try to get it by playing on

your weaknesses they will try to get

something out of you at your own cost

it's not like a compromise where in um

in a healthier relationship some things

you don't like about your partner but

some things they don't like about you

either so in the end it's like a

compromise in a narcissistic codependent

relationship it is plainly about you

giving all the time and the narcissist

not giving anything or like very tiny

burst of something just to keep you

hooked but never really giving you love

the love you want or anything uh so the

narcissist will try to degrade the

self-esteem pretty often of the person

they are interacting with maybe pushing

their H buttons to show them how

Superior they are because they can

remain cold and calculated while you are

you like a little little child so you

are immature and they are above you

whenever they there is this kind of

metaframe perspective of everything you

do is [ __ ] everything I do is better

that is definitely a narcissistic um

bind somehow and those are things to be

aware of the typical frames by which we

recognize those narcissistic attempts

are whenever the person drifts the

conversation within the frame uh I I am

only doing that for you everything I do

it is only for you oh I don't I don't

mind I don't care about this I just I

push you I know I'm hard on you but I'm

pushing you because it is in your best

interest it's only for you complete

[ __ ] nobody is doing things only for

you everyone is acting selfishly for

themselves prior to anything else I am

doing this on YouTube because this is my

job because I earn money by doing this

because I can live My Lifestyle with the

money I make and on the and besides that

you are getting value out of this which

I think is a healthier way to make money

it is still not the first priority it is

first selfish

I am honest about this I don't try to

hide it in any way people who are

narcissist will always try to hide their

really intentions never say them out

loud and whenever you point it out they

will just evade it they will not really

they will become evasive or even worse

they may push back by triggering

something about you yeah and what about

when when you when you [ __ ] up at this

when you did that wrong they will just

try to trigger you to avoid answering

the questions that would unveil the

reality of their manipulative attempts

so it is a frame to stay aware of

another big linguistic frame they try to

maintain their victims into is you won't

be able to succeed or survive or

whatever without me you need me whatever

you do you won't be enough without me

whatever you do it won't be successful

if I am not there when they try to

narrow you down into only with me nobody

else that's very complicated situation

to and the last one is uh I know you

better than anybody else I know you so

well that anything else than me

basically it's just it's just negative

because they don't know you like I know

you I know you will fail without me

because I know you too well those kinds

of frames are definitely highly

manipulative they are not bringing any

value anyway and you're not bound to

stay with somebody who is trying to get

you stuck in a frame like this

linguistically uh before uh trying to

argue with them because arguing with

those people is very tricky anything you

say like in the court with the police

anything you say will be used against

you the best linguistic strategy uh with

narcissist is very counterintuitive it

is to actually not use one it is to

speak as as as little as possible with

them to answer with as little world as

words as possible if they text you you

text with just two words and when they

try to pull out a more important answer

and when they when they try to trigger

you you just reply with yes no

maybe you're

right I'm

wrong no yes if you keep interacting

only with short sentences like this they

will get mad they will get crazy and

they will rise off the butt want to find

another victim they can trigger because

they can't stand to not trigger

something to not trigger attention love

or whatever they want from you they

can't stand to not trigger that so if

you stop reacting they will need crave

to find somebody else reacting to their

power over other people so before trying

to use any linguistic strategy it is

first about elaborating on how did you

meet that person initially were you and

that may be uncomfortable if right now

you have some body like this around you

I encourage you to sincerely honestly

consider those things how did you meet

that person were you in a positive

emotional state when you felt like you

needed that person were you at ease at

peace with yourself when you felt like

you needed to see that person more often

um and most of the time when you

interact with that person you may have

thoughts about because you think that

might be a Nar narcissist whenever you

spend time with that person do you feel

better after having spent time with that

with that person or do you feel negative

do you feel better or do you feel less

good after spending time with that

person if you constantly all the time

feel worse than before just connect the

dots there might be your instincts your

unconscious mind telling you through the

the feelings get the hell away from here

get the hell away that might be the

whispers in your head that you may block

because you uh you have you may have a

low self-esteem and try to get earn the

validation of that person who needs you

to validate them so it's like a very

codependent relationship extremely toxic

and if it is stuck like this then

consider okay what are my thoughts about

that when I feel well when I am on the

opposite with a great friend who has

always supporting me or when I when I am

with a family member who has always

loved me for example on on whom I don't

have any doubt when on the opposite with

that person how do I feel instead and

when I feel great when I feel good when

I feel at ease with myself and with my

life what do I think about this person

that I have doubts about what do I think

about it if the answer is get the hell

away from that person then maybe is time

to seek for help go through therapy

maybe and find a way to distance

yourself from those narcissistic

Maneuvers to always try to get you stuck

into the same frames and the same binds

all the time whatever you say they

always put you down they laugh at you

they treat you like a child they make

you appear like incompetent compared to

them whatever you do they always have

the they always get the last word they

are always above you anyway that is a

huge sign huge alarm warning signal and

in the end people have I guess everyone

has like a spectrum of toxicity of

narcissism in themselves and we may

drift more to one side or the other

depending on how well we feel in our

lives and the only thing is people may

have narcissism inside them doesn't mean

all of them have to get away from your

life some of them you may still keep

them around you if it is relevant you

just measure what is the bound what are

the boundaries for you what are the

boundaries where you tolerate that a

narcissistic narcissistic person is

around you is in in contact with you and

uh from which point do you see that as

heavily toxic and you're like no [ __ ]

way I talk to that person again I don't

want anything to do with that person

where is the limit for you I know my

limits I know some people can go up to

that point with me I tolerate past

certain point I'm like get away from

here I don't have anything to do with

you anymore fine thank you goodbye I

have my boundaries you have yours Define

them how far do you allow people to go

with you and the last one which is much

more problematic and much more dangerous

the most dangerous of them all is the

cult

indoctrination when people are somebody

a cult leader or somebody belonging to

the cult a religious cult um Financial

cult whatever when somebody is really

trying to suppress everything about your

identity to make you fit the mold the

mold they want you to be in um one of

the best sources we have to study the

language patterns of people like that

are the the the interviews of Charles

Manson uh if you are interested I may

make a breakdown about this if you want

comment down below that might be an

interesting video to study how people

like this did to control their victims

and people belonging to their cult when

you sense when whenever somebody a cult

leader or somebody of that on that level

of manipulation whenever somebody is

trying to make you

doubt and confuse you about literally

everything you believe in more

specifically anything you believe in

that contradict what they want you to

believe if they constantly try to

confuse you by usually more elaborated

tactics than the narcissist because narc

somebody who is just a narcissist will

trigger you but may not be smart enough

to use those confusion tactics and those

gaslighting tactics a cult leader or

somebody really um competent enough to

handle a cult that person is way more

advanced on the linguistic strategies on

the manipulative uh sequences of word

choice of words that person is way more

advanced they will do everything they

can to confuse you to induce confusion

about what you thought you knew and they

will try by every means possible to

separate you to isolate you away from

the people who love you away from the

people who can give you advice they want

to restrict your thinking and attention

to only what they believe what they want

you to believe and nothing else they

will keep narrowing down what you think

what you want to be what you what you

feel what you think what want to believe

to what suits and satisfies their goal

with you so whatever they want to get

from you either they want to get your

your money they may go want to get

sexual favors from you they may want to

get attention to sometimes it is just

about power some people who are cult

leaders just want more power feel the

power of their their students around

around them that might be anything in

any case that person will most likely

remain very calm very seductive and keep

telling you things that make you doubt

they will not they will Almost Never

confront you unless you have been

triggering them first but they will

Almost Never confront you they will tell

you things in a very calm way that

confuse you about what you believed so

far so extremely dangerous obviously

luckily people like that are not that

common either uh you have to have

somebody who is evil and who has very

Advanced skills both those things

happening at the same time are pretty

scarce doesn't happen that often it does

exist though so be careful about this

obviously and the best defense I can

find because at this point we are not

even in linguistics anymore if you are

in the victim position with somebody

like this we have already passed the

linguistic defenses at this point it is

about identifying your uh deepest

vulnerabilities

your deepest trauma all the things

someone might use against you anything

you are vulnerable about uh

might cause you to feel less less able

to defend yourself when somebody is

attempting to limit your thinking to

only what they want you to believe

technically the easiest way to

manipulate someone on that level is to

use their emotional hotspots to trigger

them emotionally repeatedly and and when

they get out of control when they get

when the victim gets triggered on that

level the manipulator will say will Ex

kind of explain that you see you have a

problem Johnny and the only way you can

solve that problem is by using what I

preach what my religion My Method what

you have to pay for that I sell whatever

it is they will try to narrow down that

the only solution to get out of your

pain is what I preach for my my solution

and obviously to get their solution you

have to either pay money a lot of money

you have to not see your loved ones

anymore or you have to provide sexual

favors that is what happened in the

Cults we have we have knowledge of maybe

other Cults we don't even know of exist

today and the ones we have been able to

study it is kind of always the same

tactic they hit under the emotional

vulnerabilities you have and they will

tell you the once you are really

vulnerable once you're really in pain

they will tell you that the only way to

handle that pain and to to heal to

recover is by using what they provide

only what they provide anything else

cannot work because it is only about

what they have to offer you those are

very dangerous and manipulative tactics

if you want to better defend yourself

and see how language works from the

inside you have a small document Down

Below in the description called the

seven steps to master slide of mouth it

will be of great use if you have trouble

to figure out how can your language help

you to defend yourself against people

like that and if you want to become more

persuasive too because sometimes you may

have great intentions and you just don't

know how to communicate them in that

case it will teach you how to do that

down below the seven steps to master

slide of mouth thank you for listening

good luck stay away from manipulators

and I will see you soon in the next

video

n

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