How to Stand Up for Yourself

Summary

In the Jefferson Fisher podcast episode, the focus is on the importance of self-advocacy and assertiveness. The host emphasizes the need to know when to stand up for oneself, suggesting a 'know your worth' mentality. He advises eliminating verbal disclaimers and stopping the habit of justifying oneself to others. The episode also tackles the challenge of saying 'no' and provides strategies for doing so without feeling the need to explain or justify one's decisions. The host encourages listeners to conserve their energy for meaningful interactions and to let go of the need to respond to every opinion or request, fostering a sense of self-worth and peace in communication.

Takeaways

• 🗣️ Advocating for oneself is crucial as no one else will do it if you don't.
• 🕴️ Knowing when to stand up for yourself is essential; not everyone is worth your time or energy.
• 🚫 Eliminate verbal disclaimers that weaken your statements and assertiveness.
• 💬 Stop justifying yourself excessively; it diminishes self-confidence.
• 🎯 Understand that you don't have to respond to every opinion or request; some can be ignored.
• 👑 Develop a 'know your worth' mentality to decide when to engage in conversations.
• 🏋️‍♂️ Be bold and direct when asserting your needs; don't hesitate or soften your message.
• 🚫 Saying 'no' should be clear and concise, without unnecessary justifications.
• 🤔 When faced with a request for justification after saying 'no', respond with confidence and maintain your boundaries.
• 📢 Practice and be prepared to assert yourself, even if it feels uncomfortable initially.

Q & A

What is the main message of the Jefferson Fisher podcast episode on standing up for yourself?

The main message is the importance of advocating for oneself, knowing when to stand up, eliminating verbal disclaimers, and not justifying oneself to others unnecessarily. It emphasizes the need to assert one's needs and understand one's worth to effectively communicate and protect one's peace.

Why is it suggested not to use verbal disclaimers when standing up for oneself?

Verbal disclaimers, such as 'I'm sorry, but' or 'I feel like maybe,' can weaken one's message and make it seem less assertive. They can also undermine self-confidence by creating a sense of hesitancy or apology, which is not necessary when asserting one's needs.

What is the 'know your worth mentality' mentioned in the podcast?

The 'know your worth mentality' refers to the mindset of understanding one's own value and not wasting time or energy on people or situations that do not align with one's priorities. It's about recognizing that not everyone is worth the effort to stand up for oneself.

How does the podcast suggest handling situations where someone expects a response from you?

The podcast suggests that not every comment or opinion from others requires a response. It's about choosing when to engage and when to let things go, understanding that one is not obligated to respond to every statement made by others.

What is the analogy used in the podcast to describe the act of asserting oneself?

The podcast uses the analogy of a cold swimming pool or a plunge into cold water to describe the act of asserting oneself. It suggests that it's better to be direct and upfront (like a 'cannonball') rather than hesitating or tiptoeing into the conversation.

Why is it important to conserve one's energy when standing up for oneself?

Conserving energy is important because it allows one to focus on what truly matters and protect one's peace. It's about not expending energy on arguments or people that do not rank high in one's priority list.

How does the podcast advise handling situations where someone asks 'why' after you've said 'no'?

The podcast suggests using responses like 'because it's not what's best for me right now' or 'it's outside my focus right now' to assert one's decision without feeling the need to provide a detailed justification.

What is the significance of the phrase 'no is a complete sentence' in the context of the podcast?

The phrase 'no is a complete sentence' emphasizes the power and sufficiency of a simple 'no' when declining something. It encourages individuals to stand firm in their decisions without feeling the need to add explanations or justifications.

How can one maintain respect while disagreeing or saying no, as discussed in the podcast?

One can maintain respect by being clear, direct, and polite in their communication. It's about stating one's position without attacking the other person, and using phrases that assert one's needs without being aggressive or dismissive.

What is the purpose of the weekly newsletter mentioned in the podcast?

The purpose of the weekly newsletter is to provide subscribers with communication tips and tools to improve their interactions. It also offers a platform for subscribers to ask questions, which are then answered in the podcast.

How does the podcast help listeners apply the discussed concepts in real-life scenarios?

The podcast provides practical advice and examples of how to apply the discussed concepts in real-life scenarios. It offers specific phrases and strategies for standing up for oneself, declining invitations, and asserting one's needs in various social and professional contexts.

Outlines

00:00

🗣️ Advocating for Yourself

The paragraph emphasizes the importance of self-advocacy, suggesting that if you don't assert your needs, you may be overlooked or taken advantage of. It introduces the topic of the Jefferson Fisher podcast, which aims to equip listeners with communication tools to positively influence their interactions. The speaker outlines strategies for standing up for oneself, such as recognizing when it's necessary, eliminating verbal disclaimers that weaken one's message, and avoiding the need to justify oneself excessively. The key message is to know your worth and conserve your energy for interactions that truly matter.

05:02

🚫 Saying No Assertively

This paragraph discusses the art of assertively saying no without feeling the need to justify one's decision. It draws an analogy between asserting oneself and the act of jumping into a cold pool, suggesting that being direct is less painful than hesitating. The speaker advises against using verbal disclaimers and over-explaining when declining something, as it dilutes the strength of one's stance. The focus is on being confident and straightforward when saying no, without feeling compelled to provide reasons or engage in unnecessary justifications.

10:04

📢 Handling Nos and Justifications

The final paragraph of the script addresses the common challenge of responding to the question 'why not?' after saying no. It provides strategies for responding without coming across as rude or disrespectful. The speaker suggests using phrases like 'it's not what's best for me right now' or 'it's outside my focus right now' to convey one's decision firmly yet politely. The advice is to avoid over-justifying and to practice assertiveness in a way that feels authentic and comfortable. The segment concludes with an invitation to join the podcast's newsletter for more communication tips and to engage with the host, Jefferson Fisher.

Keywords

💡Advocate

To 'advocate' means to publicly support or recommend a particular cause or policy. In the context of the video, advocating for oneself involves standing up for one's own needs and rights. The speaker emphasizes the importance of self-advocacy, suggesting that if individuals do not assert their needs, they may be overlooked or taken advantage of, as illustrated by the phrase 'if you don't advocate for yourself, nobody will.'

💡Assert

To 'assert' is to state something firmly and clearly. The video discusses the necessity of asserting one's needs, which means to express them confidently and directly. The speaker suggests that individuals should not feel the need to justify their decisions or actions to others, which can undermine self-confidence. Instead, they should assert their stance without feeling compelled to explain or justify.

💡Verbal Disclaimers

Verbal disclaimers are phrases used to soften a statement or to prepare the listener for potentially disagreeable information. The script mentions getting rid of verbal disclaimers like 'I'm sorry, but...' before stating one's needs. The speaker argues that such disclaimers can weaken the force of one's message and suggests that individuals should communicate their needs directly without these prefaces.

💡Justify

To 'justify' means to give a reason or explanation for something. The video speaks against the need to constantly justify oneself to others. The speaker points out that people often feel compelled to explain their decisions, even when it's not necessary, which can detract from their self-confidence. Instead, the speaker encourages listeners to recognize that they are not always required to provide reasons for their choices.

💡Self-Confidence

Self-confidence refers to one's belief in their own abilities and worth. The video underscores the importance of maintaining self-confidence when standing up for oneself. It suggests that justifying oneself too much can erode self-confidence. The speaker encourages listeners to be assertive and to recognize their own worth, which is integral to standing up for oneself effectively.

💡Prioritize

To 'prioritize' means to rank or order according to importance. The script discusses the need to prioritize one's energy and attention, suggesting that not everyone is worth the effort of standing up for oneself. The speaker advises listeners to evaluate whether a person or situation is significant enough to warrant their time and energy, aligning with the concept of 'know your worth'.

💡Peace

In the context of the video, 'peace' refers to a state of tranquility and harmony in one's life. The speaker talks about protecting one's peace by not engaging in every argument or conflict. This involves discerning which situations are worth one's time and energy and which can be let go, thereby preserving one's mental and emotional well-being.

💡Trash

The term 'trash' is used metaphorically in the video to describe negative comments or opinions that are not worth one's time or energy. The speaker advises listeners to metaphorically 'throw out' such comments, indicating that they should not engage with or internalize negativity. This serves as a strategy for maintaining one's peace and self-worth.

💡No

The word 'no' is emphasized as a powerful tool for asserting oneself and setting boundaries. The speaker discusses the importance of being able to say 'no' without feeling the need to justify or explain the decision. This is presented as a way to maintain self-respect and to manage one's time and energy effectively.

💡Respectful Disagreement

A 'respectful disagreement' refers to the ability to disagree with someone while maintaining a polite and considerate demeanor. The video touches on how to say 'no' or decline something without being rude. The speaker provides examples of how to express disagreement or refusal in a way that is still respectful, which is crucial for maintaining positive relationships while standing up for oneself.

Highlights

The importance of advocating for oneself and asserting personal needs.

Knowing when to stand up for yourself is crucial, not everyone is worth the effort.

Developing a 'know your worth' mentality to guide your interactions.

Eliminating verbal disclaimers to assert yourself more effectively.

Stopping the habit of justifying your decisions to maintain self-confidence.

Understanding that not all opinions require a response.

The analogy of chess pieces to illustrate the value of different conversations.

Choosing not to engage in every argument or debate.

The concept of 'knowing your worth' before engaging in any confrontation.

The idea that not all garbage thrown at you requires you to pick it up.

How to mentally handle negative comments by 'throwing them in the trash'.

The necessity of being direct and bold when asserting your needs.

The importance of not hesitating when saying what you need to say.

The difference between saying 'no' and justifying it with reasons.

Empowerment in saying 'no' without feeling the need to explain yourself.

Strategies for saying 'no' without feeling compelled to justify your decision.

The value of being at peace with your decisions in communication.

Answering a listener's question about how to respond to 'why not' after saying 'no'.

Suggestions for responding to 'why not' questions without being rude.

Encouragement to sign up for the newsletter to get communication tips and ask questions.

The call to action for listeners to follow the podcast and leave reviews.

Transcripts

here's a hard truth if you don't

advocate for yourself nobody will and if

you don't assert your needs let's face

it you will get walked over every single

time at the end of today's episode

you're not going to have to worry about

it we're talking how to stand up for

yourself welcome to the Jefferson Fisher

podcast where I'm on a mission to make

your next conversation the one that

changes everything if you enjoy learning

tools to improve your communication I'm

going to ask you to please follow this

podcast and if you would leave a review

if you have any topic suggestions or

feedback just throw them in the comments

the first thing to know about standing

up for yourself is knowing when to do it

because number one not everybody's worth

getting out of your chair for it is a

know your worth mentality and we're

going to talk exactly where you need to

go in your mind leading up to these

conversations number two get rid of the

verbal disclaimers these are little

statements you say before you say what

you need to say like hey I'm I'm sorry

but I I I just feel like maybe we're

going to talk about getting rid of those

and how to do it number three stop

justifying the nose stop having to feel

like you need to explain yourself on and

on just because you turn somebody down

when you do that it takes away slowly

from your self-confidence and I don't

want to see that now maybe nobody's told

you this but just because somebody has

said something does not mean that it

requires a response from from you just

because they throw a pitch doesn't mean

you have to swing You Just Let It Go by

there's this idea in our head that

because somebody gave us an opinion we

have to give an opinion back that's just

not true when it comes to standing up

for yourself it is often the person that

is not worth your time that you don't

need to give attention to and often

that's the exact opposite of what we do

we find ourselves trying to justify and

explain to people that do not matter in

our life the people that that rank low

in our priority list but yet we we feel

like we have to prove something to them

every single time that we talk eliminate

that

concern when people play chess it's

expected that you're going to take a

pawn nobody freaks out about it nobody

loses their mind when somebody takes a

pawn because they know the value is not

the PA they can take a rook okay they

want to take a queen that's different

understand that there's going to be lots

of different conflicts in your in your

life lots of different conversations

they are not all the

same the the feeling you get by talking

with certain people those friendships uh

where they rank in relationship to you

they're not all the same so what I want

you to understand is stop attending

every argument that you're invited to

just because that somebody gave an

opinion and said something to you you

had the choice of just letting it go

saying that is not require any response

from me that is not worth my time that's

why I say it's a no your worth mentality

before you stand up for yourself and

feel like you have to say something ask

the question is this person worth

getting out of my chair for is this

somebody that actually needs part of my

energy because there is a strength and a

wisdom in conserving your energy in

protecting your peace so the next time

that happens I want you to go through

that filter and ask yourself is this

person worth getting out of my chair for

because I I know my worth and please

understand that goes for anything that

they say just because they spew out

garbage does not mean we're in the

business of picking up trash let me say

that again just because they spew out

garbage does not mean that you're in the

business of picking up trash you can

politely tell them where it should go

and it's not going to be on you so

understand that part of protecting your

peace is understanding I know what

they're saying is not worth my time I'm

going to take it and set it aside

personally what I do in my my own life

is I have a waste basket all right I

have a trash um bag right next to me in

my mind and if somebody says something I

don't like rather than me feeling like I

have to throw it back to them I have to

pick up that trash that gross nasty

thing that they said and give it right

back to them I just take it and I move

it over and put it in the trash you can

say say like a at a computer or a laptop

you just get it you drag it over and you

put it in in the recycling bin and then

you delete it you don't have to worry

about it you don't have to carry it so

understand just because they throw out

garbage at you does not mean that you're

in the business of picking up trash when

you have to advocate for yourself part

of that mindset is knowing how to go

into it too often there is the hesitancy

to say what you need to say we treat

like it's a I don't know what do they

have like the coal plunge or a pool

that's filled with cold water if you

tiptoe into it it's much worse when you

don't say what you need to say right out

of the gate and instead you slowly walk

into it with these little disclaimers

what I call them this sounds like hey um

you know I've just been I I just feel

like I need to say this I guess it's and

maybe I'm talking out of pocket here but

you heard that youever said that before

where you say ah yeah I mean listen I'm

I'm sorry but but maybe you know I I'm

just feeling more like you are trying to

hesitate saying what you need to say

like you want to smooth it over you want

to hedge to make sure nobody feels like

you're being too direct with it but when

it comes to asserting yourself when it

comes to stating your needs nobody's

going to do it for you remember you're

the one that has to be bold and out in

the open with it so think of it as

that cold swimming pool if you walk

right into it it's going to not feel

great it's not going to look smooth it's

not going to feel smooth you either have

two choices you don't say it at all or

you jump right in when you see people

doing that coal plunge they don't walk

right into it they don't slowly go into

it they put their whole body into it so

I want you to get used to that idea of

I'm going to put my whole body into this

thing if I have something to say I'm

going to say it I'm not going to feel

like I have to apolog olog for it I'm

not going to feel like I have to be

hesitant and hedged the whole time if it

is something that is on your heart and

it is something that is truly asserting

your needs in your life you have one

chance one life and this is it right

here for you to be able to State your

peace assert your needs and say what you

need to say now another part of this is

often when it comes to standing up for

yourself it happens in moments where you

need to say no to something you need to

turn something down maybe somebody's

invited you to something you got offered

something and you need to say no but you

don't know how to say it and you're just

not sure you can Advocate that you need

to say no now we're going to talk later

in this podcast about how to say no to

certain things how to decline something

and still be respectful uh how to

disagree and still be respectful about

it and those little bitty specific

scenarios here this is the point I'm

making of that there are times when you

have to say something

and they need to hear you say no and

there's a difference between saying no

because after the end of it using that

word because to justify it and just

saying no for example let's say you ask

me a

question and I just said

no no versus no because you know I have

that thing that we talked about and you

know I I got to make sure that I take

care of this and it's just been really

busy lately I've just been so stressed

you know and so well I have that other

thing you know you see how it's much

weaker all of a sudden I I've added

three more sentences after the no and

I've slowly watered down the place that

I need to assert my needs if I need to

say no to something I need to say no so

eliminate that habit of always saying no

because it's just know and if they need

to ask other questions they're free to

ask other questions and you're free to

say no again I want you to feel

empowered all right on this idea of just

because they ask me something does not

mean I have to give them something just

because they told me something does not

mean I have to have an answer for

something standing up for yourself means

that you are in complete peace with who

you are and your presence in the

conversation and you know your worth

wherever you are in that conversation or

if there should be a conversation at all

so when you need to say no to something

step into that don't go with these

little verbal disclaimers you say no to

it you don't say because an add-on a

verbal um it's like the opposite of a

verbal disclaimer you add in everything

afterwards no because I'm just feeling X

Y and Z you don't need that the word is

no period what lots of people like to

say and what I support is no is a

complete sentence all right we're my

favorite part of the podcast and that is

when I get to answer a question from a

follower I have a Weekly Newsletter

where I send a communication tip right

to your inbox once a week and for those

that are on the newsletter they're able

to ask me questions and I'm able to

answer them and I find a lot of joy in

that if you want to sign up there is a

link there in the show notes so I'm

going to grab this real quick this one I

have this is from Carly Carly's in New

York now I have been to New York City

like twice but mostly The Tourist stuff

I don't really know New York all that

well and geography isn't my strong suit

but that's for another podcast episode

Carly says Hey jeffon thank you so much

for your content thanks Carly I have a

scenario that I need help with whenever

I say no to things I always get the

question why or why not and I don't know

how to respond to it I don't want to be

rude thank you so much Carly that's a

very good question and I understand that

idea of not wanting to sound rude or

disrespect respectful when somebody's

asking for a justification right

sometimes when you say no they first

question out of their mouth is why why

not and they're really not entitled to

that information right they they uh they

don't need that information that's

personal that you don't want to give

that you just know you want to say no to

it here's some responses that I like to

use and I encourage you to try some out

on your own the first one would be I

like to say because it's not what's best

for me right

now pure and simple because it's not

what's best for me right now the reason

I like that response so much is because

I'm using the keyword what's best for me

and nobody can really argue with that

because they want if they like you and

they mean something to you they should

want the best for you too Carly so if I

use the phrase and you use the phrase

that you say no to somebody and they go

why not you go ah because it's not

what's best for me right now boom done

end another one that I like to use is

it's outside my focus right now it's

outside my focus in other words it's me

telling them it's not really on my radar

right now it's not high up on my

priority list it's outside my focus

another that I like to use I know I'm

just kind of uh rolling with these is I

need to make another choice because I

need to make another choice I need to

make a different Choice easy as that as

long as you say it light-hearted and you

stay step into it rather than going uh I

mean I guess uh I just um you know maybe

it's just not what's best for me right

now you know what I mean whenever you go

that way uh it's going to tank it it's

going to make it you see how you're

watering it down like we talked about in

the

podcast step out in front of

it I need to make another choice I need

to make a different choice because it's

not what's best for me right now so try

those out Carly and I think the next

time you use them you're get you're

going to feel like a thousand times

better and you're going to feel like you

can stand up for yourself and I'm really

excited about it thank you for listening

to the Jefferson Fisher podcast if you

enjoy learning tools to improve your

communication and if you enjoyed this

podcast I'm going to ask you to please

follow it and as always if you would

just leave a review it really does

matter I read them I look at them I'm

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really really appreciate you listening

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