How To Say No Politely: How To Refuse Without Feeling Guilty | Jamila Musayeva

Summary

In this video, Jam Masa, an international etiquette consultant and author, teaches viewers how to say 'no' politely and assertively. She explains the emotional challenges of saying 'no,' such as guilt and fear of rejection, and offers practical tips for handling such situations with grace. From thanking the person for the offer to giving a brief, non-elaborate reason for refusal, Jam emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and prioritizing personal well-being. She also discusses how to handle pressure, tone of voice, and offering alternatives when appropriate, encouraging viewers to practice this vital life skill for better time management and self-respect.

Takeaways

• 😀 Saying no is a valuable skill that requires practice and time to master. The more you say no, the easier it becomes.
• 😀 Feeling guilty when saying no is normal, but it will diminish over time as you practice setting boundaries.
• 😀 We fear saying no because it may feel like rejecting an opportunity or harming relationships, but it's important to prioritize your own well-being.
• 😀 Our need for social connection makes it hard to say no, as we worry about being isolated or rejected, but saying no is necessary for preserving our energy.
• 😀 Saying no helps you create time for more meaningful opportunities and prevents overcommitting to things that drain you.
• 😀 Start by thanking the person for their offer or invitation before refusing. This creates a positive, respectful tone.
• 😀 When saying no, provide a brief reason like 'due to prior engagements' to avoid coming across as rude or unconsiderate.
• 😀 Avoid over-explaining your reasons for saying no. A short, clear explanation is enough, and over-explaining may open the door for more persuasion.
• 😀 The tone of your voice is crucial. Use an affirmative, confident tone to signal that your decision is final and cannot be swayed.
• 😀 If you genuinely want to participate in the future, offer an alternative date or opportunity, but don't offer this if you don't intend to follow through.
• 😀 Prioritizing your own needs and goals is essential. Saying no helps you focus on what truly matters in your life and ensures your commitments align with your values.

Q & A

Why is it difficult to say no, according to the speaker?

The speaker suggests that saying no is difficult because humans are social beings who fear rejection and isolation. Saying no might make us feel like we're rejecting an opportunity or hurting someone, which triggers feelings of guilt.

What is the key to overcoming guilt when saying no?

The key to overcoming guilt is practice. The more you say no, the easier it becomes, and the guilt diminishes over time as you become more comfortable with setting boundaries.

How does thanking the person before saying no help?

Thanking the person before saying no softens the rejection and shows appreciation for the offer. This creates a respectful, polite tone and helps prevent the other person from taking the 'no' personally.

What is the 'sandwich method' mentioned in the video?

The sandwich method involves starting with a positive statement (like thanking the person), followed by the negative response (saying no), and then ending with a positive or constructive comment (such as offering an alternative or showing appreciation).

Why is it important not to over-explain when saying no?

Over-explaining can make your response sound less firm and may encourage the other person to push you further. A short, clear reason is more respectful and assertive, preventing misunderstandings or manipulation.

What tone should you use when saying no in person?

When saying no in person, it’s important to use a firm and calm tone. Avoid sounding hesitant or unsure. Ending your sentence with a lower pitch and a clear, affirming tone makes your 'no' sound confident and non-negotiable.

How can you avoid being manipulated when someone compliments you before asking for something?

Recognize that compliments or 'love bombing' are often used to make you feel obligated. Stay focused on your own needs and priorities, and remember that pleasing others shouldn't come at the cost of your own well-being.

What should you do if you're genuinely interested but unable to commit at the moment?

If you are interested but can't commit, offer an alternative. For example, suggest a different time or format, or express your interest in collaborating in the future, but only if you genuinely mean it.

What is the importance of prioritizing your own time and energy when learning to say no?

Prioritizing your time and energy allows you to focus on what truly matters to you. By saying no to things that drain you, you create space for activities and commitments that align with your values and goals.

How can you practice saying no effectively?

Start by practicing with low-stakes situations, such as declining invitations from acquaintances or saying no in written communication. Gradually build up to more difficult situations, like saying no to family members or close friends.