How to give Powerful Feedback when Coaching

Summary

The video script focuses on the importance of providing constructive feedback for personal and professional growth. It introduces the concept of 'two by two feedback,' a method that involves first asking the coachee what they did well, followed by the coach's observation of their performance. This builds trust and confidence. The process continues with the coachee reflecting on what they would do differently and the coach offering a single suggestion for improvement. The script emphasizes the need for a coaching contract to establish trust and the distinction between feedback and advice. It concludes by stressing the manager's role in providing honest, supportive feedback, managing their own discomfort, and leaving the conversation with a positive note or direction for the coachee's development.

Takeaways

• 📝 **Two Types of Feedback**: The script discusses the difference between conditioned feedback for survival learning and positive, constructive feedback for neocortex learning, which aids in growth and thriving.
• 🌟 **Positive Learning**: Emphasizes the importance of providing feedback that is processed by the neocortex to promote improvement and growth in individuals.
• 🤝 **Coaching Contract**: Highlights the necessity of establishing a coaching contract with direct reports to ensure they understand the purpose and process of feedback.
• 👀 **Observation and Active Listening**: Stresses the need for active observation and engagement during feedback sessions, using impact questions and active listening techniques.
• 🔢 **Two by Two Feedback Model**: Introduces a simple yet effective feedback tool where the coachee is first asked about their performance, then the coach provides observations, followed by the coachee's self-reflection and finally, the coach's suggestion for improvement.
• 👍 **Building Confidence and Trust**: Explains that the first two steps of the feedback process are crucial for establishing confidence and trust, which are essential for the recipient to be receptive to growth feedback.
• 🤔 **Self-Reflection**: Encourages coachees to self-assess and identify areas for improvement, fostering a culture of continuous learning and self-improvement.
• 💡 **Constructive Advice**: Coaches should provide one clear suggestion for improvement after the coachee has self-reflected, keeping the feedback focused and actionable.
• 🔨 **Discipline and Consistency**: Underlines the importance of being disciplined and consistent in giving feedback to build a habit of self-assessment and improvement among team members.
• 🤗 **Manager's Role in Feedback**: Acknowledges the discomfort managers may feel when giving feedback but emphasizes the professional responsibility to support the development and performance of their team.
• 🚫 **Separating Feedback and Advice**: Clarifies the distinction between feedback, which is the sharing of observations and data, and advice, which involves offering solutions or judgments.
• 🎁 **Leaving a Gift**: Suggests that managers should end coaching conversations by offering a piece of themselves, be it an observation, advice, or direction, to reinforce the relationship and support the coachee's growth.

Q & A

What are the two types of feedback discussed in the transcript?

The two types of feedback discussed are conditioned feedback of consequences, which is related to the survival brain, and positive, constructive feedback, which is processed by the neocortex and aids in growth and thriving.

How does the survival brain learn according to the transcript?

The survival brain learns through the conditioned feedback of consequences, which is a form of survival learning. For example, a child learns not to touch a flame after experiencing pain.

What is the purpose of positive and constructive feedback?

Positive and constructive feedback is given to help individuals improve, thrive, and grow. It is processed by the neocortex, which is the part of the brain associated with higher-level learning.

What is the 'two by two feedback' technique?

The 'two by two feedback' technique is a simple and effective method that involves asking the coachee what they did well, offering an observation of what the coach thinks the coachee did well, asking the coachee what they would do differently next time, and finally, providing one suggestion for improvement.

Why is it important to establish a coaching contract with direct reports?

A coaching contract is important to establish trust, clarify expectations, and ensure that direct reports understand the purpose of feedback, which is to aid their growth and development.

How does the transcript suggest building confidence and trust during feedback sessions?

Confidence and trust are built by engaging the coachee in a dialogue about what they did well, offering observations, and then discussing areas for improvement. This approach ensures that the coachee is actively involved and feels respected.

What is the role of self-reflection in the feedback process?

Self-reflection is crucial as it allows the coachee to analyze their performance, identify areas for improvement, and plan for future actions. It is a part of the 'two by two feedback' process where the coachee is asked what they would do differently next time.

Why is it important to distinguish between feedback and advice?

Distinguishing between feedback and advice is important because feedback is about sharing observations and facts, while advice involves offering solutions or judgments. Keeping these separate ensures that the feedback is clear and focused on the coachee's performance.

How can a manager manage their own discomfort when giving constructive feedback?

A manager can manage their discomfort by having a clear coaching contract in place, pre-facing the feedback with an explanation of their intentions, and focusing on the goal of improving the coachee's performance and success.

What is the significance of leaving a 'gift' at the end of a coaching conversation?

Leaving a 'gift', which could be an observation, advice, or direction, provides value to the coachee and shows that the manager is invested in their development. It also helps to balance the coaching with guidance, making the manager's role more effective.

Why is it essential for managers to be honest and provide truthful feedback to their team members?

Managers need to be honest because they are often the only source of truthful feedback that team members can rely on. This feedback is critical for personal and professional development, performance improvement, and the realization of the individual's full potential.

How does the 'two by two feedback' technique contribute to the development of skills?

The 'two by two feedback' technique contributes to skill development by encouraging self-assessment and providing a structured approach to receiving and acting on feedback. It promotes a culture of continuous improvement and self-growth.

Outlines

00:00

📈 Positive Feedback for Growth

The first paragraph focuses on the distinction between two types of feedback: conditioned feedback for survival learning and positive, constructive feedback for neocortex learning, which aids in growth and improvement. It emphasizes the importance of establishing a coaching contract with direct reports to ensure they understand the purpose and process of feedback. The key technique introduced is the 'two by two feedback' method, which involves observing performance, asking the coachee about their strengths, offering observations, and suggesting areas for improvement. This method is designed to build confidence and trust, encouraging self-reflection and skill development.

05:01

🤝 Building Trust Through Constructive Feedback

The second paragraph delves into the nuances of providing feedback, particularly constructive feedback, and its impact on trust and management. It stresses the need for a coaching contract that outlines how feedback will be given and the manager's commitment to the individual's development. The distinction between feedback as information and advice or judgment is clarified. The paragraph acknowledges the discomfort managers may feel when providing feedback but emphasizes the importance of honesty and the manager's role in supporting their team's success. It concludes with the advice to leave a 'gift' at the end of coaching conversations—a piece of personal insight, advice, or direction—that reinforces the manager's support and guidance.

Keywords

💡Feedback

Feedback refers to the responses or evaluations given to someone regarding their actions or performance. In the context of the video, feedback is crucial for personal and professional growth. It is differentiated into two types: conditioned feedback for survival learning and positive, constructive feedback for neocortex learning, which aids in thriving and growth. An example from the script is the use of 'two by two feedback' as a tool for providing constructive feedback to direct reports.

💡Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions as well as the emotions of others. It is mentioned in the context of how adrenaline and cortisol affect learning and the importance of creating a safe environment for feedback. The video emphasizes the role of emotional intelligence in establishing trust and providing effective feedback.

💡Survival Brain

The survival brain, also known as the limbic system, is associated with conditioned learning and immediate responses to stimuli, such as avoiding pain. It is contrasted with neocortex learning in the video, which is about growth and improvement. An example is the child learning not to touch a flame due to the immediate consequence of pain.

💡Neocortex Learning

Neocortex learning is about the growth and thriving part of the brain that processes positive and constructive feedback. It is the type of learning that the video focuses on for personal development. The 'two by two feedback' method is designed to engage this part of the brain to facilitate improvement and growth, as opposed to the survival learning of the limbic system.

💡Two by Two Feedback

The 'two by two feedback' is a method mentioned in the video for providing feedback effectively. It involves four steps: asking the coachee what they did well, offering an observation from the coach, asking the coachee what they would do differently next time, and finally, suggesting one thing for the coachee to try differently. This method is simple yet powerful and is designed to build confidence and trust.

💡Coaching Contract

A coaching contract is an agreement established between a coach and a coachee that outlines the purpose, goals, and expectations of the coaching relationship. In the video, it is emphasized that having a coaching contract is essential for setting the stage for effective feedback. It helps build trust and ensures that both parties understand the process and intentions behind the feedback.

💡

💡Observation

Observation is the act of watching and noting details about someone's behavior or performance. In the context of the video, observation is a key part of the feedback process. It is used to provide factual information about what was seen during a performance, which is then used to give constructive feedback. An example from the script is when the coach offers their observation after the coachee has self-assessed.

💡Active Listening

Active listening is a communication technique where the listener fully engages with the speaker, ensuring they understand the message being conveyed. It is mentioned in the video as a coaching technique that is important when asking the coachee about their performance. Active listening helps build a strong foundation for feedback by showing respect and attentiveness to the coachee's self-assessment.

💡Self-Reflection

Self-reflection is the process of thinking deeply about one's actions, feelings, and motivations. In the video, self-reflection is encouraged as part of the feedback process, where the coachee is asked to consider what they would do differently next time. This promotes personal growth and a deeper understanding of one's own performance.

💡Trust

Trust is the confidence in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone. The video emphasizes the importance of trust in the feedback process. Trust is built through the coaching contract, active listening, and the consistent application of the 'two by two feedback' method. It is crucial for the coachee to feel safe and open to receiving feedback.

💡Performance Improvement

Performance improvement refers to the process of enhancing one's skills, capabilities, and overall effectiveness in a particular role or task. The video's main theme revolves around using feedback as a tool for performance improvement. By providing constructive feedback and creating a coaching contract, managers can help their direct reports improve and reach their full potential.

💡Discomfort

Discomfort is a feeling of unease or distress. In the context of the video, discomfort is acknowledged as a potential reaction to receiving feedback, especially when it is critical or challenging. The video advises managers to manage their own discomfort and to approach feedback with the intent of supporting the coachee's improvement, rather than avoiding the potential negative emotions associated with it.

Highlights

Differentiating two types of feedback: survival learning through conditioned responses and neocortex learning for growth and thriving.

The importance of establishing a coaching contract with direct reports to clarify the purpose and process of feedback.

Introducing the 'two by two feedback' method as a key tool for effective managerial feedback.

The dual focus on emotional intelligence and understanding the effects of adrenaline and cortisol on learning.

The crucial role of positive and constructive feedback in engaging the neocortex, fostering improvement and growth.

Using observation to provide feedback based on real performances like pitches or presentations.

The process of 'two by two feedback', starting with asking what was done well to reinforce positive actions.

Encouraging self-reflection by asking coachees what they would do differently next time.

Building trust and confidence through consistent and disciplined feedback practices.

The transformative effect of disciplined feedback habits on self-assessment and reflection among team members.

Necessity for managers to differentiate between giving feedback (observation and facts) and giving advice (solutions or judgments).

Managing the discomfort of providing constructive feedback that might feel judgmental or uncomfortable.

Highlighting the managerial responsibility to provide honest, respectful feedback for the benefit of the employee’s development.

The strategic placement of advice or strong direction after a session of coaching and feedback for maximum impact.

Leaving a 'piece of oneself' at the end of coaching interactions to provide security and additional value to feedback sessions.

Transcripts

what we're going to talk about today is

the

first of all the difference between the

two types of feedback

and how we learn how we learn positively

and how we provide feedback for growth

the second aspect is around observation

and how we establish a coaching contract

with our direct reports to establish

ourselves

as their givers of feedback so they

understand why we're doing it and what

we will do with them

and we will look finally at the key

technique

that we will use the key tool which is

two by two feedback

so as a reminder and this goes all the

way back to our first time together

when we talked around emotional

intelligence and we talked about the

effects

of adrenaline and cortisol

and if you remember we talked about two

different types of

learning limbic learning or the survival

brain

and then neocortex learning the thriving

part

of the brain so how do we learn

as human beings well we get presented

with

feedback now the survival brain learns

through the conditioned feedback of

consequences exactly the same as

as a child if a child puts their hand

near a flame

they get the immediate consequence of

some pain

and they learn through conditioning not

to do that in the future it's purely

survival

learning what we're interested in

is the powerful effect of positive

and constructive feedback how we give

people feedback

that they can accept as being processed

by their neocortex

and therefore this aids them to improve

and to thrive and to grow

this is the type of feedback that we're

really interested in giving our direct

reports

so our prime tool for doing this is two

by two feedback a

really simple device that we can use

but incredibly effective and just to

remind you what those steps are

so the first thing that we would do

having observed our

coachee in in performance whether it's

in a

pitch or a presentation we would

observe and we would give them this two

by two feedback

and the first step is to ask the coachee

what they did well what did you do well

and

remembering our coaching techniques

around

impact questions and active listening we

need to make sure

that they actually engage properly with

our question

and not get embarrassed or not try and

distract

or while i don't think there was

anything i did particularly well no what

did you do well

and be insistent upon the on the

question

and then we will offer them an

observation

this is what i think you did really well

now these two steps build the

build confidence trust between us we

want somebody

living in their neocortex to receive

the constructive uh feedback that we

have for them the growth feedback

so the step three is we ask them

what would you do differently next time

we're asking them to give themselves a

piece of advice

on reflection this is what i could have

done differently

next time around this is what i'll try

would be great answers to those

questions and then we will finish up

okay here's one thing that i would

suggest you think about

and try differently next time very

simple

very powerful way to give people

feedback particularly

if they get used to this being

a discipline that we follow as part of

the contract that we have for them

and what you'll find is the more

disciplined you are in your habits

the more that they will do this for

themselves they'll come out of a pitch

they'll sit you with you in the back of

the uber and the first thing they'll do

is they'll start this process

well i can tell you already the one

thing i think i did well but i tell you

what i do differently next time

and they're already into that space a

very high level of trust

very high level of self-reflection and

then we can give them that powerful

feedback

and that is the feedback that builds

skills

so a few thoughts just before we close

in terms of our ability to give powerful

constructive

positive feedback the first is

we have to have a coaching contract

established

we have to earn the right we have to set

the discipline this is part of how we

build trust with people

this is how i will manage you this is

why i'm going to do it this is what i'm

going to do

and have people know so that we don't

ever lack the courage

to take the step of giving somebody

feedback

and feedback should be simply what we

have observed

we've got to be very careful to

distinguish between

feedback which is the passing of

observation and information and data and

facts

from advice which is offering up a

solution

offering up a piece of advice maybe even

offering up a judgment

keep those two things very very separate

so feedback is simply

information that they can take on board

i think that giving feedback to people

particularly

constructive feedback i think this is

the toughest thing

that we have to do as a people manager

and i don't underestimate the discomfort

that it can create for us

that real stressful moment when we know

we've got to have a conversation with

somebody we're going to have to give

them some feedback that might

hurt their feelings that might feel very

judgmental to them

that might feel almost like the end of

the world to them

and yet we have to pay them the respect

we are their manager this is a

professional

interested in their own development

interested in raising their performance

interested in fully realizing their

potential

and we are their manager we're probably

the only person

that they can really rely on to tell

them the truth

we have to manage our own discomfort as

a manager

we do not have the luxury of avoiding

the potential discomfort that will come

from sitting with someone and giving

them the feedback

but if your coaching contract is in

place if you can

preface this with i'm going to give you

some tough feedback here

and i hope you know that the reason that

i am doing this

is because i'm solely interested in your

improvement and

your performance and i give you this

feedback in 100 percent

support of you being successful

now this is also where we can then

switch

because as a manager you may well have

some very strong advice in fact you may

well have

very strong direction to give people

and this is the place to do it when

you've coached

when you've given the feedback and at

the end

leave them with a gift i think it's

very difficult for people if their

experience of their manager

is that all their manager does is coach

them

this actually does not leave people

feeling safe

so uh the way i express this is at the

end of any

coaching conversation at the end of any

interaction

leave a little piece of yourself so that

they do know

what you've been thinking and you can

offer this as an observation

you can offer it as advice or you can

offer it as a very strong non-negotiable

direction

and this is why we've always got to have

ourselves under self-regulation