How to Give Feedback—Especially When You’re Dreading it | Christine vs. Work

Summary

In this video, the importance of giving feedback, especially tough feedback, is explored. While providing positive feedback is easy, constructive criticism can be uncomfortable. The key is to deliver feedback empathetically and objectively by focusing on specific behaviors, the impact they have, and offering suggestions for improvement. The video highlights a framework for effective feedback: orienting the situation, describing the behavior, sharing the impact, and asking open-ended questions. Avoiding feedback can lead to missed growth opportunities, while practicing the framework in positive feedback situations can build confidence for tougher conversations.

Takeaways

• 😀 Giving feedback, especially tough feedback, can be challenging but is essential for growth.
• 😀 Effective feedback should focus on behavior, not the person. Avoid subjective judgment and use objective descriptions.
• 😀 Feedback should be about your own experience. Use 'I' statements to express how the behavior impacted you.
• 😀 Failing to give feedback can lead to biases and missed opportunities for growth, both for you and the receiver.
• 😀 A good feedback framework involves orienting the situation, describing the behavior, sharing the impact, and asking an open-ended question.
• 😀 When giving feedback, use nouns and verbs instead of adjectives to keep the description objective and clear.
• 😀 Practice positive feedback to become more comfortable with giving tough feedback.
• 😀 If the receiver reacts poorly or disagrees with your feedback, give them space to process and reaffirm that it is your experience.
• 😀 Giving feedback should be a dialogue, not a one-way conversation. Allow the receiver to share their perspective.
• 😀 Positive feedback, when given correctly, can be a great practice for honing your feedback skills and building confidence.
• 😀 Feedback should empower the receiver to take ownership and make changes by asking open-ended questions rather than accusatory ones.

Q & A

Why is giving tough feedback considered difficult?

Giving tough feedback is challenging because it requires balancing empathy with clarity. The speaker mentions that while giving positive feedback is easy, addressing issues or struggles can be emotionally taxing, making it tough to deliver.

What is one major mistake people often make when giving feedback?

A major mistake people make is using subjective judgments about the person, such as calling them 'rude' or 'disruptive'. The correct approach is to focus on objective behavior without attaching adjectives or emotions to the person.

What are the risks of avoiding tough feedback?

Avoiding feedback can lead to cognitive biases, where past issues with a person influence future interactions. Additionally, it prevents the person from receiving important information that could help them grow and improve.

How can feedback be made more effective?

Feedback can be made more effective by following a clear framework: orient the situation, describe the behavior objectively using nouns and verbs, share the personal impact of the behavior, and then ask an open-ended question to give the person ownership of the situation.

What should you do if the person receiving feedback reacts poorly?

If the person reacts poorly, it's important to give them space to process their feelings. You should also reinforce that the feedback reflects your personal experience and truth, making it clear that you’re sharing how the situation impacted you.

Why is it important to focus on your own experience when giving feedback?

Focusing on your own experience helps avoid accusatory language and keeps the feedback about how the person's behavior affects you. This makes the feedback less likely to be seen as a personal attack, which can cause defensiveness.

What is the framework for giving feedback effectively?

The framework includes four steps: 1) Orient the situation, 2) Describe the behavior using nouns and verbs, 3) Share the impact of the behavior on you, and 4) Ask an open-ended question that allows the person to take ownership and responsibility.

How can positive feedback be given using the same framework?

The same framework applies to positive feedback. First, orient the situation, then describe positive behaviors, share the positive impact those behaviors had on you, and finally ask a reflective question to encourage further growth and development.

What role does practicing feedback play in improving its delivery?

Practicing feedback, particularly with positive feedback, helps build confidence and improve your ability to provide both positive and constructive feedback. It allows you to get comfortable with the process and refine your approach.

Why is it important to be clear and concise when giving feedback?

Being clear and concise helps avoid awkwardness and ensures that the message is understood. Over-explaining or being verbose can make the feedback feel uncomfortable and reduce its effectiveness.