The psychological trick behind getting people to say yes 2022
Summary
TLDRThe transcript discusses strategies for effective communication and negotiation, emphasizing the importance of not chasing after potential clients or jobs. It suggests 'retreating' to test genuine interest, as people tend to pursue those who are less eager. The script references 'The Wind Without Pitches Manifesto' and Jonathan Stark's advice on asking 'why' questions to engage the other party and make them sell themselves. It also cautions against using 'why' questions if not phrased correctly, as they can make people defensive. The speaker, Greg Gunn, promotes his podcast as a platform for further insights and personal stories.
Takeaways
- 🔍 Test interest by stepping back: Assess if someone genuinely wants to work with you by taking a step back to see if they follow.
- 🏃♂️ Avoid chasing: Chasing after opportunities can make you seem desperate and less attractive to potential partners.
- 🌪️ Retreat and follow: Practice 'retreat and follow' to let the other party show their interest by moving towards you.
- 🤔 Ask 'why' questions: Use 'why' questions to gauge the other party's commitment and urgency for the project.
- 💡 Test engagement: Kill engagement at least three times to ensure the other party is genuinely interested and not just reacting.
- 💼 Consider cost and value: When discussing why to work with you, highlight your value proposition and how it aligns with their needs.
- 📚 Learn from experts: Refer to experts like Blair, Jonathan Stark, and Chris Voss for strategies on engagement and persuasion.
- 🗣️ Use calibrated questions: Instead of 'why' questions, use calibrated or 'what' questions to avoid defensiveness and encourage open dialogue.
- 🔄 Be neutral and objective: Focus on open-ended questions that allow for a neutral and objective discussion of the project's implications.
- 🎧 Explore additional content: Greg Gunn invites listeners to engage with additional content on the podcast for more insights and stories.
Q & A
What is the main idea behind 'testing' someone's interest in working with you?
-The main idea is to assess whether the person is genuinely interested in collaborating with you without having to aggressively pursue them. This approach helps maintain a higher ground in the conversation and ensures that both parties are mutually invested.
Why is it suggested not to waste time with someone who isn't interested in working with you?
-It's advised to avoid wasting time because if someone isn't interested, no amount of persuasion or skill will make them change their mind. It's more efficient to focus on those who are genuinely interested and value your skills.
What does the concept of 'retreat and follow' mean in the context of the script?
-The concept of 'retreat and follow' refers to the strategy of taking a step back to see if the other party is interested in engaging with you. If they are, they will naturally 'follow' or show more interest, which is a sign of genuine engagement.
How does the 'Wind Without Pitches' manifesto relate to the idea of not chasing after someone?
-The 'Wind Without Pitches' manifesto suggests that when you chase after someone, they tend to 'run away', similar to how prey reacts in nature. Instead, it promotes the idea of 'retreating' to see if the other party is genuinely interested in engaging with you.
What are the three 'why' questions suggested by Jonathan Stark to gauge engagement?
-Jonathan Stark suggests asking 'why this', 'why now', and 'why me' to determine if the other party is genuinely interested and committed to the project. These questions help them to sell themselves on the necessity and urgency of the project.
Why might asking 'why' questions be effective in a negotiation?
-Asking 'why' questions can be effective because it forces the other party to justify their needs and decisions, revealing their true motivations and the urgency of the situation. This can lead to a better understanding of their perspective and needs.
What is the alternative to 'why' questions if you're still developing your communication skills?
-If you're still developing your communication skills, it's recommended to use 'what' questions instead of 'why' questions. 'What' questions are open-ended and less likely to make the other party defensive, allowing for a more neutral and objective conversation.
How can 'what' questions be used to gauge interest in a project?
-'What' questions such as 'What happens if you don't move forward with this project?' or 'What are the consequences of waiting?' can help you understand the other party's perspective on the project's importance without putting them on the defensive.
What is the significance of Greg Gunn's introduction at the end of the script?
-Greg Gunn's introduction serves as a call to action, inviting listeners to engage with additional content on the podcast. It highlights the value of the podcast as a platform for intimate conversations and personal stories, suggesting that it complements the content provided on YouTube.
Why is it important to listen to the podcast if you enjoy the YouTube content?
-Listening to the podcast is important if you enjoy the YouTube content because it offers a deeper dive into topics with intimate conversations and personal stories. It provides an additional layer of engagement and allows you to consume content while multitasking.
Outlines
🤝 The Art of Non-Pursuit in Business Relationships
The paragraph discusses the strategy of not aggressively pursuing potential clients or job opportunities. It suggests taking a step back to gauge genuine interest from the other party. The concept is rooted in the idea that people are more inclined to engage when they are not feeling pressured. The speaker references Blair's perspective from 'The Wind Without Pitches Manifesto,' which likens this approach to natural instincts where prey tends to flee when pursued. The 'retreat and follow' technique is highlighted as a way to test interest and engagement. The speaker also introduces Jonathan Stark's method of asking 'why' questions to ensure the other party's commitment, which can reveal their true motivations and needs. However, the paragraph also cautions that if not phrased correctly, these questions could make the other party defensive. As an alternative, the speaker suggests using 'what' questions to maintain a neutral and objective tone, which is beneficial for those still honing their communication skills.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Retreat
💡Engagement
💡Ninjutsu skills
💡Pursue
💡Why questions
💡What questions
💡Calibrated questions
💡Desperate
💡Higher ground
💡The Wind Without Pitches Manifesto
💡Personal stories
Highlights
The importance of stepping back to test a person's interest in working with you.
The concept of not wasting time on those who are not interested in collaboration.
Maintaining the higher ground in conversation by not pursuing.
The retreat and follow strategy from the 'Wind Without Pitches' manifesto.
How people naturally move towards you if they are interested when you take a step back.
The human tendency to pursue rather than be pursued in relationships.
The strategy of killing engagement at least three times to ensure genuine interest.
Jonathan Stark's formula of asking three 'why' questions to gauge engagement.
The effectiveness of asking 'why now' and 'why me' to understand urgency and choice.
The idea that asking 'why' questions can make people defensive if not phrased correctly.
Recommendation to use 'what' questions instead of 'why' for more neutral responses.
The benefit of asking open-ended questions to facilitate objective dialogue.
Recap of the key strategies for testing interest and maintaining conversational control.
Introduction to Greg Gunn, the producer of The Future Podcast.
Invitation to listen to The Future Podcast for more in-depth conversations.
The versatility of podcasts for multitasking and convenience.
Transcripts
if you step back a little bit you're
testing whether or not this person
really wants to work with you and if
they're not interested in working with
you no matter what kind of skills verbal
ninjutsu skills that you might have
they're not it's not going to work so
don't waste your time with them
to retain the higher ground in the
conversation don't pursue
[Music]
the perspective that i'm most aligned
with which is what blair ends is going
to say and that comes straight from the
wind without pitching manifesto blair's
perspective is that when you chase after
someone and you chase after a job
their tendency is the one to run away
and it happens in dating it happens in
nature if you feel chaste you feel
threatened you feel like the other
person is desperate that there's
something else at hand
but what you want to do is
practice something that he calls retreat
and follow
it's very basic concept and every
relationship this is true which is you
take a half step back to see if the
person's interested and they naturally
will follow
for example if you are at a party or
something and you just
take a half step back people will move
towards you if they're interested or
they'll leave
okay and we like to pursue people we
don't like to be pursued
so when i say you should try to kill
engagement at least three times that's
straight from the wind without pitching
manifesto
is you say things to make sure that the
other party is really engaged
jonathan stark has a very simple formula
on how to do this he says ask three why
questions why this like why do we need
to do this why now why can't we wait and
then why me of all the options you have
why would you want to work with me
because i'm more likely to come in more
expensive than everyone else and
depending on how you phrase this in
terms of your tonality it's very
effective because they're like well i
really do need to do this because this
is really important to our company you
notice you took a half step half step
back well why don't you just wait
why not do nothing well no it's really
urgent we need to do this now because
our business depends on it there's
thousands of dollars on the line if we
don't nail this okay and lastly why me
well we heard great things about you we
saw things on your website that look
exactly like where we want to go with
this
and so in that way they
are selling themselves
to themselves in front of you so you
take away all the convincing you take
away all the persuasion and the selling
and the pitching by just asking three
why questions now when you read other
negotiation books other sales books
they're going to say very similar things
and there's more nuance here if you read
chris foster's book never split the
difference he'll say ask calibrated
questions
and he recommends not asking why
questions because if you don't phrase it
right if your tone isn't right it can
make the person feel really defensive so
if you are
still practicing your client
communication skills and your objection
responding skills i would encourage you
at this point in time to use the what
questions and not even to ask the how
questions
what questions really are open-ended and
it's easier for people to remain neutral
and objective okay
so what happens if you don't move
forward with this project
what happens if you just wait versus why
so let me recap here because there's a
lot to process if you step back a little
bit you're testing whether or not this
person really wants to work with you and
if they're not interested in working
with you no matter what kind of skills
verbal
ninjutsu skills that you might have
they're not it's not going to work so
don't waste your time with them to
retain the higher ground in the
conversation
don't pursue
and you do that by retreating
hi my name is greg gunn and i'm the
producer of the future podcast and yes
we do have a podcast in fact we've been
having one for years and that's exactly
why i'm here talking with you you see
it's really good and i think you should
listen to it if you like what we do here
on youtube then you're gonna love what
we do on the podcast you'll get to hear
intimate conversations and personal
stories from some familiar faces and
others you might not know about yet
plus you can listen to it while doing
something else and you won't miss a
thing so if any of that sounds
interesting to you go visit
thefuture.com
podcast or find it on your favorite
podcast listening app i hope to see you
there
[Music]
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