dating tips for demisexual #demisexuality #dating
Summary
TLDRIn this video, the speaker discusses the challenges faced by demisexual individuals in modern dating, emphasizing the importance of emotional connection over physical attraction. They share personal experiences and offer advice on navigating the dating world, such as finding partners with similar values and avoiding the pressure to engage in sexual activities prematurely. The speaker also addresses the unique struggles of demisexual men and the societal expectations that can lead to feelings of shame and rejection.
Takeaways
- π The speaker is trying to smile more in their videos after feedback about seeming angry.
- π³οΈ The video discusses the experience of identifying as demisexual or romantic asexual and the speaker's personal journey with these identities.
- π The speaker realized they identify more as demisexual after a recent experience, as they sometimes think about sexual things but not in a typical way.
- πΉ There is societal pressure on demisexual men to be sexually active, which can lead to feelings of disgrace and shame if they are not interested in sex.
- π₯ The speaker suggests that demisexual individuals should seek dating pools with people who share similar standards and are interested in emotional connection before physical intimacy.
- π Demisexual individuals often face the issue of forming emotional attachments before feeling comfortable with physical intimacy, which can lead to heartbreak if the other party is only interested in sex.
- π± The speaker mentions the negative impact of social media and image-based dating on demisexual individuals, as it often prioritizes physical attraction over emotional connection.
- π« Demisexual people should avoid compromising their ideals by engaging in physical intimacy too soon in hopes of fostering an emotional connection.
- π The speaker advises against using physical appearance to attract attention on dating platforms, as it can lead to unwanted sexual expectations.
- π Patience and learning to filter out people who waste time are important for demisexual individuals when dating.
- π The speaker emphasizes the importance of navigating the dating world in a way that suits the individual's unique experience, as no two demisexual people will have the same experience.
Q & A
Why did the speaker stop identifying as asexual and start identifying as demisexual?
-The speaker stopped identifying as asexual because they had a recent experience that made them realize they didn't identify 100% with asexuality. They sometimes think about sexual things when they find someone aesthetically attractive, which doesn't align with being asexual.
What societal expectation does the speaker mention as particularly challenging for demisexual men?
-The speaker mentions that the societal expectation for demisexual men to be sexually 'viral' or 'feral' is challenging, as they are often expected to be sexual creatures regulated by females, leading to disgrace and shame if they don't want to be sexual.
What advice does the speaker give to demisexual individuals, especially in the context of modern dating?
-The speaker advises demisexual individuals to be patient, to filter out people who waste their time, and to not compromise their ideals by engaging in sexual activities just to foster an emotional connection.
What does the speaker suggest about the importance of aesthetic attraction in their experience as a demisexual?
-The speaker suggests that aesthetic attraction is important in their experience as a demisexual, as they think about sexual things when they see someone they find aesthetically attractive, but it doesn't necessarily lead to sexual desire without an emotional connection.
How does the speaker describe their approach to dating and managing expectations?
-The speaker describes their approach to dating as cautious and strategic. They delete numbers to avoid getting too attached, put their demisexual identity upfront in their dating profiles and conversations, and try to enjoy the moment without expecting further contact.
What is the speaker's view on the role of emotional attachment in the context of demisexual attraction?
-The speaker views emotional attachment as crucial for demisexual attraction. They mention that demisexual individuals often wait for an emotional attachment before feeling sexually attracted, which can be problematic in a society that prioritizes instant sexual gratification.
What challenges does the speaker identify for demisexual individuals in the LGBTQ+ community?
-The speaker identifies challenges such as the pressure to conform to sexual expectations within the LGBTQ+ community, the difficulty of finding partners who understand and respect demisexual boundaries, and the struggle with body image and the perception of one's primary asset being sex.
How does the speaker address the issue of instant gratification in modern dating and its impact on demisexual individuals?
-The speaker criticizes the instant gratification approach in modern dating, stating that it is not conducive to the needs of demisexual individuals who require emotional connection before sexual attraction. They advise against rushing into sexual activities and emphasize the importance of building a strong emotional foundation.
What strategies does the speaker recommend for demisexual individuals to navigate the dating world?
-The speaker recommends strategies such as being upfront about one's demisexual identity, engaging in non-intimate activities to build emotional connections, and being selective about dating pools to find partners with similar values and expectations.
How does the speaker's personal experience with dating and relationships reflect the broader challenges faced by demisexual individuals?
-The speaker's personal experience reflects the broader challenges faced by demisexual individuals, such as the difficulty in finding understanding partners, the pressure to engage in sexual activities despite not feeling a strong emotional connection, and the struggle with societal and dating norms that do not align with demisexual needs.
Outlines
π Embracing Demisexuality and Overcoming Societal Expectations
The speaker begins by addressing the need to smile more in their videos to counteract the misconception that they are always angry. They then transition into discussing their personal journey with identifying as demisexual, explaining the difference between asexuality and demisexuality, and the realization that they think about sexual matters when attracted to someone aesthetically. The speaker also touches on the societal pressure for demisexual men to be sexually active and the shame associated with not conforming to these expectations. They share their own experiences with identifying as bi-romantic and the importance of aesthetic attraction in potential romantic relationships, emphasizing the need for demisexual individuals to find dating pools that align with their values and to avoid compromising their ideals for the sake of emotional attachment.
π Navigating the Challenges of Demisexuality in Modern Dating
In this paragraph, the speaker delves into the difficulties demisexual individuals face in the context of modern dating, which is often image-based and prioritizes sexual attraction over emotional connection. They advise demisexual individuals, particularly heterosexual women, to seek dating pools where potential partners share similar values and are interested in building a relationship before engaging in sexual activities. The speaker warns against mistaking superficial accomplishments for lasting attraction and emphasizes the importance of emotional attachment before physical intimacy. They also discuss the risk of being easily discarded once physical intimacy is established and the importance of patience and filtering out those who do not respect demisexual boundaries.
π€ Strategies for Demisexual Dating and Self-Preservation
The speaker offers practical advice for demisexual individuals on how to navigate the dating world. They suggest engaging in non-intimate activities to build emotional connections and caution against the pressure to conform to societal sexual expectations. The speaker shares personal strategies such as delaying contact after dates to manage expectations and the importance of being upfront about one's demisexual identity. They also discuss the unique challenges faced by demisexual men, especially in the gay community, and the importance of not compromising one's values for the sake of acceptance or a fleeting connection. The paragraph concludes with a call for demisexual individuals to be cautious, patient, and true to themselves in their dating experiences.
π Reflecting on Personal Experiences and Encouraging Open Dialogue
In the final paragraph, the speaker reflects on their own experiences with dating and the challenges of finding compatible partners who understand and respect their demisexual identity. They discuss the importance of not rushing into physical intimacy and the need to establish a strong emotional foundation first. The speaker also shares their approach to dating, which includes being upfront about their demisexual identity and not investing too much emotionally until a secure connection is established. They acknowledge the diversity of experiences among demisexual individuals and invite others to share their stories, concluding the video with an open invitation for dialogue and understanding.
Mindmap
Keywords
π‘demisexual
π‘asexual
π‘emotional attachment
π‘aesthetic attraction
π‘sexual expectations
π‘bi-romantic
π‘self-sacrifice
π‘dating pool
π‘intimacy
π‘modern dating
π‘emotional connection
Highlights
The speaker aims to provide tips for demisexual and romantic asexual individuals.
They explain their personal transition from identifying as asexual to demisexual due to recent experiences.
Discusses the societal expectation for men to be sexually aggressive and the negative consequences of not conforming to this expectation.
Advises demisexual individuals to seek dating pools with people who share similar standards and values.
Warns against the assumption that accomplishments can maintain someone's attention in a relationship.
Emphasizes the importance of emotional attachment over physical intimacy for demisexual individuals.
Points out the dangers of social media and image-based dating for demisexuals, as it often prioritizes sex over emotional connection.
Advises against compromising one's ideals for the sake of a potential emotional connection.
Suggests learning to filter out people who waste time and emphasizes patience in dating.
Recommends a strategy of disconnecting after dates by delaying follow-up and potentially deleting contact information.
Talks about the challenges demisexuals face with modern dating's instant gratification expectations.
Cautions against using physical appearance to attract attention, as it can lead to feeling objectified.
Advises treating dates casually and suggests having multiple dates lined up to avoid disappointment.
Encourages demisexuals to engage in non-intimate activities to build a stronger emotional connection.
Warns against the pressure to conform to societal sexual expectations and the potential emotional consequences.
Shares personal experiences with dating and the struggle to find a partner who understands and respects demisexual needs.
Concludes with an invitation for others to share their experiences and thoughts on the topic.
Transcripts
hi everyone i'm gonna try to smile in
this video more because someone is like
oh my god you're always looking angry
um but i got uncomfortable
but anyway so i'm just gonna um
provide some quick tips for people that
identify as demisexual or romantic
asexual um because this was a question
that
asked me recently first of all i was
asked why did i stop identifying as
ace and i i identify as demi
and i was like well because i had a
recent experience
and i kind of realized that there was a
reason why
i didn't identify 100 with ace
um because i do
some time think about
some sexual stuff when i see someone
that i think is aesthetically attractive
the problem is a lot of times these
things are
can be equated to a handshake in the
general in the general community so
but before i even go into that
um one of the things that i've noticed
what makes it harder
for um demisexual men is this
expectation to be sexually viral
feral is that how spread out i think um
so we're expected to be sexual creatures
that has to be
that have to be um regulated by females
um and when you
don't want to have sex then you're
immediately like
something's wrong with you and you're
met with such
disgrace and shame because you don't
want to be sexual
now i've explained in previous videos i
first considered like when i was growing
up i i didn't even know what i was
but in my younger years i was like okay
maybe i'm
bi-romantic or but i don't know because
i
i don't think about sex with either
genders like i don't
um but i could say you know it depends
on
how long i spend with the person if i
really like them and if there is
aesthetically pleasing to look at
because that is important
as much as we get up every day and we
talk about it doesn't matter what a
person looks like
yeah no i i do there are certain things
that i
like and i want a partner to have you
know
and but anyway
enough of that so my advice is
if you're a heterosexual female you
identify you identify as a
demisexual it is best to look into pools
with guys like dating pools of guys that
automatically have these standards that
are similar to yours
which you know they're um they're
looking to wait
before jumping in the sack and that kind
of stuff because what you don't want to
do
is think that all your accomplishments
and everything is going to keep
someone's attention
it's not it may happen but it's rare
um and you might want to get into a pool
of people where
someone doesn't want to lose you
the problem that a lot of people don't
understand is that when you give things
so easily
it is so easy to let you go because it
came easy
if someone spent a lot of time with you
and they got to entangled in your
lifestyle and now
you're doing things together you're
knowing each other you become and
you become a you you're it's risky to
lose you
because now they've already had an
emotional attachment the problem
that a lot of people face that are
demisexual or at least have
similar features of the demisexual is
that
they are waiting for the emotional
attachment
and i kind of realized that now with
social media and
image-based dating people it's more of
sex
than emotional attachment and with the
demisexual that is suicide
i'll tell you right now that's suicide
and especially if you are
i'm not going to talk about lesbians
because i don't know i've never spoken
to a lesbian demisexual in my whole life
i do not know
but i was talking to lots and lots of
gay demisexuals unfortunately i
didn't really find a lot of them attract
aesthetically attractive and so that
didn't go anywhere
but that is the death
like don't ever think that compromising
or self-sacrifice as i like to call it
self-sacrificing your ideals to sleep
with someone and hope
that because they bought you drink
tonight that means they might be
potentially interested in you
emotionally
don't ever do that i've always said to
friends
a desperate man will say anything
the test is with time so if you keep
delaying
sex but you are dating that's another
thing too
you are dating and you spend a lot of
time together with the intent
you have a better chance now do not
mistake this for
someone that's been pursuing you for
years
um but they keep putting little sexual
innuendos in there
that's totally different that's another
suicide the moment they at least
get to see you without clothes and
something happens
brace yourself that they're going to
disappear you're never going to hear
from them again so
don't waste your time with that but what
i'm trying to say is
you have to learn to filter out the
people that are going to waste your time
learn to be patient
um learn to disconnect i think i said in
one of my previous videos that one of
the way i disconnect is when i go on a
date
when i come back home i'll follow up i
may follow up like three days later and
then i delete their number
what that does it addresses my
natural desire to keep up with them
because now i can't reach out to them
and it also shows that okay
they never text back or call back well
guess what you erase yourself
um but being a demi it
demi mail it's tough because as i said
with modern
image-based stuff you know people
see you and they come up with a whole
story
of what you're like and 90 of the time
it's a sexual one
and even if it's not a sexual one there
are also sexual desires
tied to this story um and i've explained
in previous videos that i think most
people that see me you know they think
about this really
hyper sexual person
farthest from the truth if i on my first
dates when i slept over
i cuddle and i fall asleep that's what i
typically do
so and then of course you know the story
i never hear from him again but anyway
as a demisexual you have to come up with
your own
your own way to navigate the world as i
said it's not going to be the same for
everyone
i'm sure that my experience
and a white demisexual
man is not going to be the same it's not
going to be the same because he probably
has a different dating pool
he probably has certain privileges that
i don't
um he may be pursued to the wit's end i
may not
i may you know as i said it's not going
to be the same it's not the same for a
female
it's similar but it's not the same
as i said and another thing i learned
too is
while other people especially
heterosexuals
well i won't even say that that's wrong
i'm sorry um
most people that are not demisexual
it's okay for them to
exhibit their bodies as a way to catch
attention we really shouldn't do that
we really i know it's hard especially
for someone like me that work out a lot
and take care of myself i know it's
hard not to when everybody around you is
doing it
the fact that i created a tinder profile
and i put a picture up of myself in a
suit and i got one match
and then when i put a shirtless picture
up every second person was matching
i know the temptation i know how hard it
is
but you got to think to yourself do you
want
one match and then have a conversation
or do you want a million
and constantly end up feeling like a
piece of me
that someone just want to bite out of
and throw it away so you got to be
careful of that too
you also have to when you go on dates
treat it very casually of course be
punctual
have good conversation but try not to
envision
anything not saying go there with a
negative mindset because that will come
out in your attitude
but if you can have another couple of
dates set up
um you know just in case
because as i said with how modern day
dating is it's very
instant you know it's a very instant
thing
you know i meet someone first date
should mean we sleep together if the sex
was good
maybe we see each other a second time
who knows let's see where it goes
and as demisexuals that's not good for
us that's the worst thing
because number one if we even if we even
have any kind of intimacy with them
that's gonna make our attachment
worse he's gonna because then now we're
gonna feel this void
because we did something we really
didn't want to do um
just so we could nourish
an emotional connection and now we're
being rejected so now we feel like
don't ever do that if you really like
someone
try to you know try to navigate a little
bit
try to get a lot of
non-intimate activities you know things
in common
maybe you want to go on a little trip
little road trip maybe you want you know
try to get them to see how you get
attached let them see
your love language before you go in and
jump in bed
because you're going to feel like
when you've done something out of your
comfort zone you've self-sabotaged
you've done something you really didn't
want to do
just because you were trying to foster
something and then it doesn't work out
it only going to make you more bitter
trust me so as i said for females it's a
good idea to pick from dayton pools that
the guys are not
necessarily looking for that of course
we're all human we know
what a lot of people are thinking about
but at least get them to get you on the
third the fourth or fifth the sixth and
seventh date
um instead of being like first date okay
second date we're gonna be into
no because
nine times out of ten you're the one
that's gonna feel like and then
you're gonna start questioning your
reality because then other people are
gonna be like well i mean it was just a
one-night stand what's the big deal
not realizing that you're demi and your
your attachment is a lot different
you know your attraction or what you
find attractive is different
and that whole thing just ruined your
world um but as i said it's a lot
worse for men especially men in the gay
community because
you know gay men already have a ton
of issues when it comes to
you know weird feelings about their
bodies and
feeling like their primary
asset is sex and and you know
being rejected right after and it's a
hot mess so if you fall
under any of that whether it be
the gay the bi whatever it is gender
fluid or whatever if you know you are
demisexual
be careful do not fall for the pressure
in fact what i do
is as i said i delete numbers i
also put it right out there i put it out
there on my profile and i put it out
there when i meet someone
and in my head i'm like okay more likely
not going to see them again
but let me just enjoy the moment and
most of the time i never see them again
which is fine
i'm fine with that um i just stopped
this whole thing about
you know i like them so let's
nope no we don't do that anymore
i don't do that anymore um i haven't
dated a woman in many many years so i
don't
know what it is like now but i can
remember in my 20s
when i dated this one girl and she she
would just
throw jabs all the time she's like i
know you don't want me because you don't
have sex with me i'm like
that's not how it works and if i didn't
want to if i didn't want you why would i
get jealous all the time when you're
hanging out with other people and why
would we be because we were intimate i
just didn't want to go
100 because something was still missing
you know something was still missing the
puzzle wasn't put together and it was
the 100 percent
safety because i know she was seeing
someone else so
i didn't have that safe feeling to be
you know in order to find her that
attracted to have sex and it's the same
thing with dudes like
i can't i have not
and it sucks to say this but in terms of
like actual integra
i have not in i was like
21 and now i'm 34. because i never get
to that phase with anyone where i'm
feeling 100 secure i feel in sync with
them
usually by the time i'm supposed to
closely get that
they start complaining about no pred the
presence
well the lack of sex and all that and
then they disappear
or they'll say early on like the first
date that i didn't feel i'm like i'm a
giver i care
i you know my love language is pretty
much
acts of service not for me though that's
just for someone else i don't i don't
need no acts of service but i reassure
and i do all that
but it never gets to that because our
modern
or modern society has a great emphasis
on
amazing sex which is another
because no matter how amazing it is it's
the same person it will
it will it will fizzle out eventually
just like any other thing
your favorite food if you eat it every
day you're gonna get tired of it so
that's
um but it never gets there and now
with what i know now about myself i know
how to navigate
when i
um my battery is dying when i meet
someone i
you know i try to get to know them but i
don't put too much emphasis on it
and i try to put some time in it have
them do stuff with me
you know let's go places let's do social
stuff and if they start complaining and
start canceling then i know that's not
the one
if they're always trying to put an
effort to plan things and plan social
things
then i know it's a good person
unfortunately i've not really met any of
those
i met them back in the days not anymore
so anyway i could go on and on about
this because i'm pretty sure
all demisexuals are not going to be the
same so
i don't know you can send me a message
or you can comment and tell me what your
experience has been like
but for now peace gotta go to work
you
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