dating tips for demisexual #demisexuality #dating

Summary

In this video, the speaker discusses the challenges faced by demisexual individuals in modern dating, emphasizing the importance of emotional connection over physical attraction. They share personal experiences and offer advice on navigating the dating world, such as finding partners with similar values and avoiding the pressure to engage in sexual activities prematurely. The speaker also addresses the unique struggles of demisexual men and the societal expectations that can lead to feelings of shame and rejection.

Takeaways

• 😀 The speaker is trying to smile more in their videos after feedback about seeming angry.
• 🏳️ The video discusses the experience of identifying as demisexual or romantic asexual and the speaker's personal journey with these identities.
• 🔄 The speaker realized they identify more as demisexual after a recent experience, as they sometimes think about sexual things but not in a typical way.
• 🚹 There is societal pressure on demisexual men to be sexually active, which can lead to feelings of disgrace and shame if they are not interested in sex.
• 👥 The speaker suggests that demisexual individuals should seek dating pools with people who share similar standards and are interested in emotional connection before physical intimacy.
• 💔 Demisexual individuals often face the issue of forming emotional attachments before feeling comfortable with physical intimacy, which can lead to heartbreak if the other party is only interested in sex.
• 📱 The speaker mentions the negative impact of social media and image-based dating on demisexual individuals, as it often prioritizes physical attraction over emotional connection.
• 🚫 Demisexual people should avoid compromising their ideals by engaging in physical intimacy too soon in hopes of fostering an emotional connection.
• 👕 The speaker advises against using physical appearance to attract attention on dating platforms, as it can lead to unwanted sexual expectations.
• 🕒 Patience and learning to filter out people who waste time are important for demisexual individuals when dating.
• 🌐 The speaker emphasizes the importance of navigating the dating world in a way that suits the individual's unique experience, as no two demisexual people will have the same experience.

Q & A

Why did the speaker stop identifying as asexual and start identifying as demisexual?

The speaker stopped identifying as asexual because they had a recent experience that made them realize they didn't identify 100% with asexuality. They sometimes think about sexual things when they find someone aesthetically attractive, which doesn't align with being asexual.

What societal expectation does the speaker mention as particularly challenging for demisexual men?

The speaker mentions that the societal expectation for demisexual men to be sexually 'viral' or 'feral' is challenging, as they are often expected to be sexual creatures regulated by females, leading to disgrace and shame if they don't want to be sexual.

What advice does the speaker give to demisexual individuals, especially in the context of modern dating?

The speaker advises demisexual individuals to be patient, to filter out people who waste their time, and to not compromise their ideals by engaging in sexual activities just to foster an emotional connection.

What does the speaker suggest about the importance of aesthetic attraction in their experience as a demisexual?

The speaker suggests that aesthetic attraction is important in their experience as a demisexual, as they think about sexual things when they see someone they find aesthetically attractive, but it doesn't necessarily lead to sexual desire without an emotional connection.

How does the speaker describe their approach to dating and managing expectations?

The speaker describes their approach to dating as cautious and strategic. They delete numbers to avoid getting too attached, put their demisexual identity upfront in their dating profiles and conversations, and try to enjoy the moment without expecting further contact.

What is the speaker's view on the role of emotional attachment in the context of demisexual attraction?

The speaker views emotional attachment as crucial for demisexual attraction. They mention that demisexual individuals often wait for an emotional attachment before feeling sexually attracted, which can be problematic in a society that prioritizes instant sexual gratification.

What challenges does the speaker identify for demisexual individuals in the LGBTQ+ community?

The speaker identifies challenges such as the pressure to conform to sexual expectations within the LGBTQ+ community, the difficulty of finding partners who understand and respect demisexual boundaries, and the struggle with body image and the perception of one's primary asset being sex.

How does the speaker address the issue of instant gratification in modern dating and its impact on demisexual individuals?

The speaker criticizes the instant gratification approach in modern dating, stating that it is not conducive to the needs of demisexual individuals who require emotional connection before sexual attraction. They advise against rushing into sexual activities and emphasize the importance of building a strong emotional foundation.

What strategies does the speaker recommend for demisexual individuals to navigate the dating world?

The speaker recommends strategies such as being upfront about one's demisexual identity, engaging in non-intimate activities to build emotional connections, and being selective about dating pools to find partners with similar values and expectations.

How does the speaker's personal experience with dating and relationships reflect the broader challenges faced by demisexual individuals?

The speaker's personal experience reflects the broader challenges faced by demisexual individuals, such as the difficulty in finding understanding partners, the pressure to engage in sexual activities despite not feeling a strong emotional connection, and the struggle with societal and dating norms that do not align with demisexual needs.

Outlines

00:00

😀 Embracing Demisexuality and Overcoming Societal Expectations

The speaker begins by addressing the need to smile more in their videos to counteract the misconception that they are always angry. They then transition into discussing their personal journey with identifying as demisexual, explaining the difference between asexuality and demisexuality, and the realization that they think about sexual matters when attracted to someone aesthetically. The speaker also touches on the societal pressure for demisexual men to be sexually active and the shame associated with not conforming to these expectations. They share their own experiences with identifying as bi-romantic and the importance of aesthetic attraction in potential romantic relationships, emphasizing the need for demisexual individuals to find dating pools that align with their values and to avoid compromising their ideals for the sake of emotional attachment.

05:03

😔 Navigating the Challenges of Demisexuality in Modern Dating

In this paragraph, the speaker delves into the difficulties demisexual individuals face in the context of modern dating, which is often image-based and prioritizes sexual attraction over emotional connection. They advise demisexual individuals, particularly heterosexual women, to seek dating pools where potential partners share similar values and are interested in building a relationship before engaging in sexual activities. The speaker warns against mistaking superficial accomplishments for lasting attraction and emphasizes the importance of emotional attachment before physical intimacy. They also discuss the risk of being easily discarded once physical intimacy is established and the importance of patience and filtering out those who do not respect demisexual boundaries.

10:03

🤔 Strategies for Demisexual Dating and Self-Preservation

The speaker offers practical advice for demisexual individuals on how to navigate the dating world. They suggest engaging in non-intimate activities to build emotional connections and caution against the pressure to conform to societal sexual expectations. The speaker shares personal strategies such as delaying contact after dates to manage expectations and the importance of being upfront about one's demisexual identity. They also discuss the unique challenges faced by demisexual men, especially in the gay community, and the importance of not compromising one's values for the sake of acceptance or a fleeting connection. The paragraph concludes with a call for demisexual individuals to be cautious, patient, and true to themselves in their dating experiences.

15:04

😌 Reflecting on Personal Experiences and Encouraging Open Dialogue

In the final paragraph, the speaker reflects on their own experiences with dating and the challenges of finding compatible partners who understand and respect their demisexual identity. They discuss the importance of not rushing into physical intimacy and the need to establish a strong emotional foundation first. The speaker also shares their approach to dating, which includes being upfront about their demisexual identity and not investing too much emotionally until a secure connection is established. They acknowledge the diversity of experiences among demisexual individuals and invite others to share their stories, concluding the video with an open invitation for dialogue and understanding.

Keywords

💡demisexual

Demisexual refers to individuals who do not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone first. In the video, the speaker identifies as demisexual and discusses the unique challenges they face in dating and forming relationships, as they require a deeper bond before feeling sexual attraction.

💡asexual

Asexuality is a sexual orientation where a person does not experience sexual attraction to others. The speaker mentions having previously identified as asexual but later realized they were demisexual due to experiencing some level of sexual attraction under specific conditions, such as finding someone aesthetically attractive.

💡emotional attachment

Emotional attachment is the bond or connection one forms with another person on an emotional level. The speaker emphasizes the importance of emotional attachment for demisexual individuals before they can experience sexual attraction, contrasting it with the more immediate sexual encounters common in modern dating.

💡aesthetic attraction

Aesthetic attraction refers to being drawn to someone's physical appearance or the way they look, without necessarily feeling a sexual desire for them. The speaker mentions that they can think about 'some sexual stuff' when they find someone aesthetically attractive, which is different from feeling sexual attraction.

💡sexual expectations

Sexual expectations are the societal or personal beliefs about how often and under what circumstances sex should occur. The video discusses the pressure demisexual individuals face due to societal expectations of being sexually active and the challenges this poses for their dating experiences.

💡bi-romantic

Bi-romantic is a term used to describe individuals who are attracted romantically to more than one gender but may not necessarily experience sexual attraction. The speaker reflects on their younger years, questioning their sexual orientation and considering whether they might be bi-romantic.

💡self-sacrifice

Self-sacrifice in the context of the video refers to the act of compromising one's values or desires, often for the sake of pleasing others or hoping for a deeper connection. The speaker warns against self-sacrifice, such as engaging in sexual activities to maintain a relationship, which can lead to negative emotional consequences for demisexual individuals.

💡dating pool

A dating pool refers to the group of potential romantic partners one might consider for dating. The speaker advises demisexual individuals to seek dating pools where potential partners share similar values and are not primarily focused on sexual relationships.

💡intimacy

Intimacy encompasses emotional closeness and various forms of closeness beyond the sexual realm. The speaker discusses the importance of non-sexual forms of intimacy for demisexual individuals, such as spending quality time together and engaging in shared activities, to foster a deeper emotional connection.

💡modern dating

Modern dating refers to contemporary practices and attitudes towards dating, which often include online dating and a focus on immediate physical or sexual attraction. The video critiques modern dating for its emphasis on sex and physical appearance, which can be alienating for demisexual individuals.

💡emotional connection

An emotional connection is a deep bond formed through shared experiences, understanding, and empathy. The speaker highlights the need for an emotional connection before demisexual individuals can feel sexual attraction, emphasizing that this connection is crucial for their romantic and sexual well-being.

Highlights

The speaker aims to provide tips for demisexual and romantic asexual individuals.

They explain their personal transition from identifying as asexual to demisexual due to recent experiences.

Discusses the societal expectation for men to be sexually aggressive and the negative consequences of not conforming to this expectation.

Advises demisexual individuals to seek dating pools with people who share similar standards and values.

Warns against the assumption that accomplishments can maintain someone's attention in a relationship.

Emphasizes the importance of emotional attachment over physical intimacy for demisexual individuals.

Points out the dangers of social media and image-based dating for demisexuals, as it often prioritizes sex over emotional connection.

Advises against compromising one's ideals for the sake of a potential emotional connection.

Suggests learning to filter out people who waste time and emphasizes patience in dating.

Recommends a strategy of disconnecting after dates by delaying follow-up and potentially deleting contact information.

Talks about the challenges demisexuals face with modern dating's instant gratification expectations.

Cautions against using physical appearance to attract attention, as it can lead to feeling objectified.

Advises treating dates casually and suggests having multiple dates lined up to avoid disappointment.

Encourages demisexuals to engage in non-intimate activities to build a stronger emotional connection.

Warns against the pressure to conform to societal sexual expectations and the potential emotional consequences.

Shares personal experiences with dating and the struggle to find a partner who understands and respects demisexual needs.

Concludes with an invitation for others to share their experiences and thoughts on the topic.

Transcripts

hi everyone i'm gonna try to smile in

this video more because someone is like

oh my god you're always looking angry

um but i got uncomfortable

but anyway so i'm just gonna um

provide some quick tips for people that

identify as demisexual or romantic

asexual um because this was a question

that

asked me recently first of all i was

asked why did i stop identifying as

ace and i i identify as demi

and i was like well because i had a

recent experience

and i kind of realized that there was a

reason why

i didn't identify 100 with ace

um because i do

some time think about

some sexual stuff when i see someone

that i think is aesthetically attractive

the problem is a lot of times these

things are

can be equated to a handshake in the

general in the general community so

but before i even go into that

um one of the things that i've noticed

what makes it harder

for um demisexual men is this

expectation to be sexually viral

feral is that how spread out i think um

so we're expected to be sexual creatures

that has to be

that have to be um regulated by females

um and when you

don't want to have sex then you're

immediately like

something's wrong with you and you're

met with such

disgrace and shame because you don't

want to be sexual

now i've explained in previous videos i

first considered like when i was growing

up i i didn't even know what i was

but in my younger years i was like okay

maybe i'm

bi-romantic or but i don't know because

i

i don't think about sex with either

genders like i don't

um but i could say you know it depends

on

how long i spend with the person if i

really like them and if there is

aesthetically pleasing to look at

because that is important

as much as we get up every day and we

talk about it doesn't matter what a

person looks like

yeah no i i do there are certain things

that i

like and i want a partner to have you

know

and but anyway

enough of that so my advice is

if you're a heterosexual female you

identify you identify as a

demisexual it is best to look into pools

with guys like dating pools of guys that

automatically have these standards that

are similar to yours

which you know they're um they're

looking to wait

before jumping in the sack and that kind

of stuff because what you don't want to

do

is think that all your accomplishments

and everything is going to keep

someone's attention

it's not it may happen but it's rare

um and you might want to get into a pool

of people where

someone doesn't want to lose you

the problem that a lot of people don't

understand is that when you give things

so easily

it is so easy to let you go because it

came easy

if someone spent a lot of time with you

and they got to entangled in your

lifestyle and now

you're doing things together you're

knowing each other you become and

you become a you you're it's risky to

lose you

because now they've already had an

emotional attachment the problem

that a lot of people face that are

demisexual or at least have

similar features of the demisexual is

that

they are waiting for the emotional

attachment

and i kind of realized that now with

social media and

image-based dating people it's more of

sex

than emotional attachment and with the

demisexual that is suicide

i'll tell you right now that's suicide

and especially if you are

i'm not going to talk about lesbians

because i don't know i've never spoken

to a lesbian demisexual in my whole life

i do not know

but i was talking to lots and lots of

gay demisexuals unfortunately i

didn't really find a lot of them attract

aesthetically attractive and so that

didn't go anywhere

but that is the death

like don't ever think that compromising

or self-sacrifice as i like to call it

self-sacrificing your ideals to sleep

with someone and hope

that because they bought you drink

tonight that means they might be

potentially interested in you

emotionally

don't ever do that i've always said to

friends

a desperate man will say anything

the test is with time so if you keep

delaying

sex but you are dating that's another

thing too

you are dating and you spend a lot of

time together with the intent

you have a better chance now do not

mistake this for

someone that's been pursuing you for

years

um but they keep putting little sexual

innuendos in there

that's totally different that's another

suicide the moment they at least

get to see you without clothes and

something happens

brace yourself that they're going to

disappear you're never going to hear

from them again so

don't waste your time with that but what

i'm trying to say is

you have to learn to filter out the

people that are going to waste your time

learn to be patient

um learn to disconnect i think i said in

one of my previous videos that one of

the way i disconnect is when i go on a

date

when i come back home i'll follow up i

may follow up like three days later and

then i delete their number

what that does it addresses my

natural desire to keep up with them

because now i can't reach out to them

and it also shows that okay

they never text back or call back well

guess what you erase yourself

um but being a demi it

demi mail it's tough because as i said

with modern

image-based stuff you know people

see you and they come up with a whole

story

of what you're like and 90 of the time

it's a sexual one

and even if it's not a sexual one there

are also sexual desires

tied to this story um and i've explained

in previous videos that i think most

people that see me you know they think

about this really

hyper sexual person

farthest from the truth if i on my first

dates when i slept over

i cuddle and i fall asleep that's what i

typically do

so and then of course you know the story

i never hear from him again but anyway

as a demisexual you have to come up with

your own

your own way to navigate the world as i

said it's not going to be the same for

everyone

i'm sure that my experience

and a white demisexual

man is not going to be the same it's not

going to be the same because he probably

has a different dating pool

he probably has certain privileges that

i don't

um he may be pursued to the wit's end i

may not

i may you know as i said it's not going

to be the same it's not the same for a

female

it's similar but it's not the same

as i said and another thing i learned

too is

while other people especially

heterosexuals

well i won't even say that that's wrong

i'm sorry um

most people that are not demisexual

it's okay for them to

exhibit their bodies as a way to catch

attention we really shouldn't do that

we really i know it's hard especially

for someone like me that work out a lot

and take care of myself i know it's

hard not to when everybody around you is

doing it

the fact that i created a tinder profile

and i put a picture up of myself in a

suit and i got one match

and then when i put a shirtless picture

up every second person was matching

i know the temptation i know how hard it

is

but you got to think to yourself do you

want

one match and then have a conversation

or do you want a million

and constantly end up feeling like a

piece of me

that someone just want to bite out of

and throw it away so you got to be

careful of that too

you also have to when you go on dates

treat it very casually of course be

punctual

have good conversation but try not to

envision

anything not saying go there with a

negative mindset because that will come

out in your attitude

but if you can have another couple of

dates set up

um you know just in case

because as i said with how modern day

dating is it's very

instant you know it's a very instant

thing

you know i meet someone first date

should mean we sleep together if the sex

was good

maybe we see each other a second time

who knows let's see where it goes

and as demisexuals that's not good for

us that's the worst thing

because number one if we even if we even

have any kind of intimacy with them

that's gonna make our attachment

worse he's gonna because then now we're

gonna feel this void

because we did something we really

didn't want to do um

just so we could nourish

an emotional connection and now we're

being rejected so now we feel like

don't ever do that if you really like

someone

try to you know try to navigate a little

bit

try to get a lot of

non-intimate activities you know things

in common

maybe you want to go on a little trip

little road trip maybe you want you know

try to get them to see how you get

attached let them see

your love language before you go in and

jump in bed

because you're going to feel like

when you've done something out of your

comfort zone you've self-sabotaged

you've done something you really didn't

want to do

just because you were trying to foster

something and then it doesn't work out

it only going to make you more bitter

trust me so as i said for females it's a

good idea to pick from dayton pools that

the guys are not

necessarily looking for that of course

we're all human we know

what a lot of people are thinking about

but at least get them to get you on the

third the fourth or fifth the sixth and

seventh date

um instead of being like first date okay

second date we're gonna be into

no because

nine times out of ten you're the one

that's gonna feel like and then

you're gonna start questioning your

reality because then other people are

gonna be like well i mean it was just a

one-night stand what's the big deal

not realizing that you're demi and your

your attachment is a lot different

you know your attraction or what you

find attractive is different

and that whole thing just ruined your

world um but as i said it's a lot

worse for men especially men in the gay

community because

you know gay men already have a ton

of issues when it comes to

you know weird feelings about their

bodies and

feeling like their primary

asset is sex and and you know

being rejected right after and it's a

hot mess so if you fall

under any of that whether it be

the gay the bi whatever it is gender

fluid or whatever if you know you are

demisexual

be careful do not fall for the pressure

in fact what i do

is as i said i delete numbers i

also put it right out there i put it out

there on my profile and i put it out

there when i meet someone

and in my head i'm like okay more likely

not going to see them again

but let me just enjoy the moment and

most of the time i never see them again

which is fine

i'm fine with that um i just stopped

this whole thing about

you know i like them so let's

nope no we don't do that anymore

i don't do that anymore um i haven't

dated a woman in many many years so i

don't

know what it is like now but i can

remember in my 20s

when i dated this one girl and she she

would just

throw jabs all the time she's like i

know you don't want me because you don't

have sex with me i'm like

that's not how it works and if i didn't

want to if i didn't want you why would i

get jealous all the time when you're

hanging out with other people and why

would we be because we were intimate i

just didn't want to go

100 because something was still missing

you know something was still missing the

puzzle wasn't put together and it was

the 100 percent

safety because i know she was seeing

someone else so

i didn't have that safe feeling to be

you know in order to find her that

attracted to have sex and it's the same

thing with dudes like

i can't i have not

and it sucks to say this but in terms of

like actual integra

i have not in i was like

21 and now i'm 34. because i never get

to that phase with anyone where i'm

feeling 100 secure i feel in sync with

them

usually by the time i'm supposed to

closely get that

they start complaining about no pred the

presence

well the lack of sex and all that and

then they disappear

or they'll say early on like the first

date that i didn't feel i'm like i'm a

giver i care

i you know my love language is pretty

much

acts of service not for me though that's

just for someone else i don't i don't

need no acts of service but i reassure

and i do all that

but it never gets to that because our

modern

or modern society has a great emphasis

on

amazing sex which is another

because no matter how amazing it is it's

the same person it will

it will it will fizzle out eventually

just like any other thing

your favorite food if you eat it every

day you're gonna get tired of it so

that's

um but it never gets there and now

with what i know now about myself i know

how to navigate

when i

um my battery is dying when i meet

someone i

you know i try to get to know them but i

don't put too much emphasis on it

and i try to put some time in it have

them do stuff with me

you know let's go places let's do social

stuff and if they start complaining and

start canceling then i know that's not

the one

if they're always trying to put an

effort to plan things and plan social

things

then i know it's a good person

unfortunately i've not really met any of

those

i met them back in the days not anymore

so anyway i could go on and on about

this because i'm pretty sure

all demisexuals are not going to be the

same so

i don't know you can send me a message

or you can comment and tell me what your

experience has been like

but for now peace gotta go to work

you