I Improved My Social Skills As FAST As I Could - HERE'S HOW

Summary

The speaker emphasizes the importance of authentic social skills derived from real-life experiences rather than theoretical knowledge. They stress the need for inner work to overcome anxiety and facades, advocating for genuine self-expression to build confidence and rapport. The transcript highlights the significance of 'vibe' over content in social interactions, suggesting that letting go of inhibitions and embracing one's true self is the key to becoming a social natural, capable of engaging and connecting with others more effectively.

Takeaways

• 📚 Real social skills come from experience, not just books or theory. The speaker emphasizes the importance of real-world interactions over academic speculation.
• 🗣️ To improve social skills, one must work on both inner authenticity and the ability to connect with others through empathy and understanding.
• 🤝 The speaker suggests that connecting with others involves reading them emotionally and being able to put oneself in their shoes, which is a form of advanced empathy.
• 🔍 Developing a 'feel' for social interactions requires recognizing patterns in different people and learning from a wide range of interactions.
• 💪 Taking charge of one's social life involves actively seeking out more interactions than one might naturally engage in to build experience.
• 😌 Authenticity in social interactions is crucial. Pretending to be someone you're not can harm self-esteem and hinder genuine connections.
• 🧠 Letting go of anxiety and facades is key to unlocking one's true self and improving social skills. It's about tapping into the 'real you' that may have been suppressed.
• 🧩 Social skills can be broken down into emotional skills, which are vital for creating a natural vibe, and analytical skills, which help refine and connect with others.
• 🌟 The speaker argues that vibe or emotional presence is more important than the content of what one says, as it is the energy that draws people in.
• 🚫 Avoid being a 'social scammer' who uses tricks to hide their true self. Instead, use social skills to highlight who you genuinely are.
• 🔑 The source of confidence in social situations should come from being true to oneself, not from relying on external tips or tricks.

Q & A

What is the speaker's main point about social skills development?

The speaker emphasizes that social skills development is primarily based on real-life experiences and interactions rather than theoretical knowledge from books. Authenticity and connecting with others through empathy and understanding are key.

Why does the speaker believe that talking to a lot of people is important for developing social skills?

The speaker argues that interacting with a wide range of people helps in recognizing different patterns and behaviors, which is essential for understanding and connecting with others on a deeper level.

What does the speaker mean by 'inner work' in the context of social skills?

The 'inner work' refers to the personal development required to overcome anxiety and fear, and to express oneself authentically without pretending to be someone else.

How does the speaker define 'emotional skills' in social interactions?

Emotional skills are defined as the aspects of social interaction that contribute to the overall vibe, such as managing anxiety, avoiding getting stuck in one's head, and expressing one's true self.

What is the role of 'analytical skills' as per the speaker's perspective?

Analytical skills are the foundational elements that help in refining and polishing one's natural social abilities, ensuring that interactions are meaningful and connect effectively with others.

What does the speaker suggest is the most effective way to overcome social anxiety?

The speaker suggests that the most effective way to overcome social anxiety is by 'letting go,' which involves identifying and addressing the root causes of the anxiety, rather than just trying to hide it.

Why does the speaker consider 'letting go' as the foundation for developing social skills?

The speaker views 'letting go' as the foundation because it allows individuals to express themselves authentically, connect with others more deeply, and avoid the energy-draining process of trying to maintain a facade.

What is the speaker's stance on using scripted or memorized content in social interactions?

The speaker advises against relying on scripted or memorized content, as it can come off as forced and inauthentic. Instead, one should focus on expressing genuine interest and passion, which can make even mundane topics engaging.

How does the speaker describe the difference between a 'social natural' and someone who is not?

A 'social natural' is someone who feels comfortable in social situations and can easily connect with others due to their natural emotional skills. In contrast, someone who is not a 'social natural' might struggle with social interactions and may rely on tricks or scripts to fit in.

What is the speaker's advice on how to make conversations interesting?

The speaker advises focusing on the 'vibe' rather than the content. By being genuinely interested and passionate about the topic, the speaker believes that the energy and enthusiasm will be contagious and make the conversation engaging.

What does the speaker mean by 'vibe is more important than content'?

The speaker means that the energy and authenticity with which one communicates are more impactful than the specific words or stories being shared. A positive and engaging vibe can make any content more appealing.

Outlines

00:00

🤝 The Essence of Social Skills and Authenticity

The speaker emphasizes the importance of real-world experience over theoretical knowledge when it comes to developing social skills. They share their extensive experience in social interaction, highlighting the need for both internal self-work and external connection with others. The speaker introduces the concept of 'advanced empathy' and the importance of reading others emotionally. They stress the significance of authenticity and the dangers of pretending to be someone you're not, which can ultimately harm self-esteem and confidence. The speaker also breaks down social skills into 'emotional skills' and 'analytical skills,' noting that the former is crucial for creating a natural and comfortable social presence.

05:01

🌟 Embracing Authenticity and Letting Go

In this paragraph, the speaker discusses the concept of 'letting go' as the key to unlocking one's social potential. They argue that people often lose touch with their authentic selves due to societal pressures and self-judgment, which leads to a stifled social presence. The speaker suggests that by letting go of these inhibitions, individuals can reconnect with their true selves and overcome social anxiety. They also touch upon the idea that the energy spent on trying to hide one's true feelings can be redirected towards more productive social behaviors, such as pattern recognition and empathy. The speaker uses the metaphor of physical constipation to illustrate the concept of being 'socially constipated,' where individuals struggle to express themselves authentically.

10:01

🎭 The Pitfalls of Social Shamming and the Power of Vibe

The speaker criticizes the common practice of 'social shamming,' where individuals use tricks and tips to hide their insecurities and create a false impression. They argue that true social mastery involves highlighting one's authentic self rather than distracting from it. The speaker introduces the idea that the 'vibe' or energy one emits is more important than the content of what one says, suggesting that an engaging personality can make even mundane topics interesting. They challenge the audience to focus on their genuine interests and to express them with passion, which will naturally draw others in.

15:03

🔑 The Importance of Genuine Confidence and Interest

This paragraph delves into the importance of deriving confidence from one's authentic self rather than external tips and tricks. The speaker warns against relying on momentum or scripted content for social interactions, as this can undermine core confidence. They advocate for an internal starting point of high energy and authenticity, which can then be enhanced by external factors. The speaker also emphasizes the transferable nature of interest and passion, suggesting that if one is genuinely interested in a topic, this enthusiasm can be contagious and make the interaction more engaging for others.

20:04

🌈 Finding Personal Passions and Their Charismatic Impact

The speaker concludes by encouraging individuals to identify and share stories and topics that genuinely excite them. They argue that personal passion can transform the charisma of an individual, making them more appealing to others. The speaker shares an anecdote about an older man who, upon discussing 'Game of Thrones,' becomes animated and engaging, illustrating the power of personal interest in creating a magnetic social presence. The speaker advises the audience to prioritize their vibe and authenticity in social interactions, as this is more compelling than any scripted content.

Keywords

💡Social Skills

Social skills are the abilities that allow individuals to interact effectively with others. In the video, the speaker emphasizes the importance of developing social skills through real-life experiences rather than relying solely on theoretical knowledge from books. The speaker's 15 years of experience in honing their social skills is a testament to the significance of practical application over academic speculation.

💡Authenticity

Authenticity refers to the quality of being genuine and true to oneself. The speaker discusses the importance of being authentic in social interactions, suggesting that pretending to be someone you're not can damage self-esteem and hinder the development of true social connections. Authenticity is portrayed as a foundational aspect of effective social skills.

💡Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It is highlighted as a crucial component of social skills, allowing one to connect with others on a deeper level. The speaker mentions 'advanced empathy' as a skill that can be developed through interacting with a variety of people and recognizing emotional patterns.

💡Letting Go

Letting go is the act of releasing oneself from anxiety, fear, and the need to control social interactions. The speaker argues that letting go is essential for becoming a 'social natural' and is the primary method for overcoming social anxiety. It is presented as a key to unlocking one's true self and natural social abilities.

💡Vibe

Vibe, in the context of the video, refers to the overall feeling or energy that a person projects in social situations. The speaker asserts that vibe is more important than the content of what one says, as it significantly influences how others perceive and react to you. A positive and engaging vibe can make even mundane topics interesting.

💡Content

Content, in this video, refers to the specific words, stories, or information one shares in social interactions. The speaker points out that while content is important, it is secondary to the vibe one brings to the conversation. The speaker advises focusing on authenticity and letting go to naturally enhance the content of one's communication.

💡Emotional Skills

Emotional skills are the non-verbal and affective aspects of social interaction, such as expressing oneself, handling anxiety, and creating a pleasant atmosphere. The speaker categorizes these as 80% of social skills, emphasizing their importance over analytical skills in creating a natural and engaging social presence.

💡Analytical Skills

Analytical skills involve the cognitive processes used in social interactions, such as reading others, understanding social cues, and structuring conversations. The speaker describes these as 20% of social skills, suggesting that while they are important, they should complement rather than dominate one's social approach.

💡Social Natural

A 'social natural' is a term used by the speaker to describe someone who is effortlessly comfortable and adept in social situations. This person can easily connect with others and is often the center of attention at social gatherings. The speaker suggests that everyone has the potential to become a social natural by letting go and developing emotional skills.

💡Momentum

Momentum, in the context of social interactions, refers to the build-up of energy or excitement that can enhance one's social performance. The speaker criticizes the reliance on momentum, arguing that it should not be the foundation of one's social skills. Instead, a solid base of authenticity and emotional skills should be established to ensure consistent social confidence.

💡Charisma

Charisma is a quality that makes a person attractive, interesting, or influential to others. The speaker discusses how charisma is often misunderstood as a result of cool stories or tips but is actually rooted in the authenticity and passion one brings to social interactions. A charismatic person can make any topic engaging through their enthusiasm and energy.

Highlights

The speaker emphasizes the importance of real-life experience over theoretical knowledge when it comes to developing social skills.

Having interacted with more people than the average person, the speaker shares their unique perspective on social skills.

The concept of 'inner work' is introduced as a critical part of becoming good socially, alongside external connections.

Authenticity is stressed as a key component of social skills, suggesting that pretending can harm self-esteem and confidence.

The speaker discusses the necessity of empathy and understanding others on an emotional level to connect effectively.

A significant amount of social skills is attributed to 'emotional skills', which are distinct from 'analytical skills'.

The idea of 'letting go' as the primary solution to overcome social anxiety and to unlock one's full social potential.

The speaker argues that most people are 'social scammers', using tricks to hide their true selves rather than expressing them.

The importance of 'vibe' over 'content' in social interactions is highlighted, with vibe accounting for 80% of social appeal.

The concept of 'social naturals' is introduced, describing individuals who are naturally comfortable in social settings.

The speaker challenges the audience to let go of the need for 'momentum' in social situations, advocating for a consistent state of authenticity.

A personal anecdote is shared about the power of authenticity and how it can transform one's social presence.

The notion that confidence should come from one's core self rather than external validation or tricks.

The speaker illustrates the idea of 'letting go' with the metaphor of physical constipation, relating it to social expression.

The importance of being aware of one's social impact and the environment, as demonstrated through audience interaction.

A comparison is made between two hypothetical commercial scripts, emphasizing the power of vibe over perfect content.

The speaker encourages finding and discussing topics that genuinely interest and excite the individual to naturally enhance social interactions.

The transcript concludes with the idea that personal passion and authenticity in conversation are more compelling than any rehearsed content.

Transcripts

- What I'm gonna cover here

comes from over 15 years of me working on my social skills.

This isn't from some books.

To be honest I haven't found any good books

when it comes to social skills, it's terrible.

It's a lot of speculation, a lot of academic thinking.

A lot of what sounds good in your mind

but it doesn't come from real life experience.

I'm someone who from 2006 on,

went out in the real world, not in books, real world

and started interacting with people.

I've talked to more people

than the average person normally would in their entire life.

I've talked to more people

than probably all of you combined.

- Whoa. - No joke.

And this here is part one of getting good socially.

It will come down to a lot of inner work

but there is an external side where hey,

you've gotta work on yourself,

that's the authenticity part

but then you have to also work

on the connecting to others part.

You want to connect to others,

you better know how to read others.

How to read them emotionally,

how to put yourself in their shoes.

It's called empathy, advanced empathy

and how to know exactly what would make sense,

what wouldn't make sense.

What would connect, what wouldn't?

And calibrate to them.

The only way you're going to develop this feel

is by talking to a lot of people

and knowing exactly what to look for

and recognizing the different patterns

between all of those people.

So keep that in mind.

You want to get good talking to people,

talk to a lot of people.

Take charge of your social life

and talk to more people than you naturally should.

Say you were to talk to 30 people a day,

time passes, guess what?

That's a lot of experience under your belt.

But, as I mentioned,

that will be on the connecting side.

On the expression, authenticity side,

that is work that you will have to do on the inside.

Because it's the foundation.

Meaning if you go out and you're anxious

and you're scared and you start pretending

to be someone that you're not,

you start putting on this front,

you start trying to act confident or act fake,

well then guess what?

Will those references help, no.

Because they will all be coming from the front.

Not you.

Even in terms of seeing what clicks or not

you're not gonna know authentically

if you click and with who.

Even in terms of getting good references,

it's not you who's getting validated but the front.

So it'll actually hurt your self esteem

and hurt your confidence.

It's gonna keep saying,

"I am only liked when I'm pretending to be this."

Versus, "I am liked for me."

So you'll have to learn how to crack open that front,

tap into the real you.

You've been disconnected from a very long time.

This is also why advice like be yourself is very accurate

but most people don't know how to be themselves.

Who you think yourself is isn't really you.

It's the front that you've put on

and been the majority of your life.

So letting go internally, unleashing authenticity

and then from there, getting a lot of reference experiences.

At a most basic level,

you can break down social skills as, okay?

Social skills, you have on one side,

80% of what I call emotional skills.

And on the other side, it's 20%

of what I call analytical skills.

Emotional skills, analytical skills.

Emotional is everything that has to do with the vibe.

Okay?

For example,

if you're someone who is very anxious,

that's an emotional skill.

If you're someone who gets stuck in your head,

that's an emotional skill.

If you run out of things to say, that's an emotional skill.

If you can't have fun, that's an emotional skill.

If you can't express your true self,

that's an emotional skill.

Analytical skill, as we talked about,

this is the foundation.

This you will develop through reference experiences.

The right reference experiences.

This will come down to,

you could say polishing that natural vibe.

If you've ever heard the term social natural before,

it's a thing.

Someone who's gone through a certain conditioning,

a certain life

and they just feel very comfortable socially.

You might have some friends like that.

No matter where you go, they can easily talk to people.

Everyone just likes them, likes talking to them.

They gravitate towards them.

You know if that person comes out to a dinner or something

they're gonna make it fun.

All right, a social natural.

That's the emotional skills.

Emotional skills alone will get you to that point

of being, ah a social natural.

You can kind of just be loose, be yourself

but then you do need, as we talked about,

the analytical to make sure it connects with others

and to even polish that expression of you.

And this here, you could simplify it as content.

Vibe, content.

Big mistake people do

is they try to work on the vibe and the emotional skills

using their analytical mind.

No, that looks like,

"Okay I run out of things to say.

"What are some, if I analyze this and think,

"some ways I can not run out of things to say?

"What are maybe some stories I can memorize

"or some things I could fall back on?"

Et cetera, et cetera.

Terrible, that doesn't solve anything.

What solves the emotional skills?

One thing and one thing alone, it's two words.

- [Audience Member] Letting go.

- Yes.

Letting go.

Letting go is what gets you to become a social natural.

All of you were born as social naturals, all of you.

All of you were way less stifled as children

versus you here today.

All of you were.

This isn't something that's missing within you,

it's something that you've buried inside.

As you started growing up,

you started getting a bit more worried.

"What do people think of me?

"Oh is that how I sound?"

No baby is, "Wah, is that how I sound?"

No kid's thinking that.

That comes later on.

You started judging yourself, trauma happened

and ultimately you started disowning

and hiding your true self

and putting on this front that you've now basically become.

Who am I?

The front.

And you've lost touch with authenticity.

Letting go gets you back in touch with that.

Letting go, guess what?

Allows you to no longer get triggered.

Social anxiety, that's you getting triggered.

Until you identify why you get triggered,

where that comes from, the original trauma,

nothing's gonna change.

You could try to progressively desensitize yourself

which is sadly what most people do

and that'll give you some results

but it's not all the way.

And it's not permanent.

As soon as you stop doing your little challenges,

you fall back.

Letting go, that's the foundation

and it'll get you 80% of the way.

It's actually the highest ROI thing you could do

with talking to a lot of people.

Is actually letting go.

And sometimes it baffles me when people are like,

"Oh I like this letting go stuff Julien

"but what about the social skills?"

That is social skills.

If you can't see letting go gets you 80% of the way,

then you're too far gone and your IQ is far too low.

Okay?

And this is also very important

when I say the biggest ROI thing you can do.

Vibe is more important than content.

You can also analyze in terms of socially,

if you're someone who's just very, very analytical,

hey you need to do a lot of letting go

and work on the emotional skills.

You need to learn especially socially,

to get out of your head.

To unlock what I call your full instrument.

Meaning not just speaking like this

with the mouth and the lips but with the body.

Notice that, with the body.

That there, old me, right?

Back in 2006, all shy, stifled.

I couldn't do that.

No technique, no line is gonna get me to do that.

You can't force that.

Forcing that would look like,

"With the body."

That's forcing it.

Very different no?

You can sense there's not that same depth to it

and it's a lot more at you.

With the body.

Hey everyone, you like how loud I am?

Does it make sense?

Like you like it with the body.

(audience laughs)

With the body.

One, the voice is going, grounded.

The voice goes down.

With the body, with the body.

My voice is actually shooting down here.

Loud, shooting down.

Yet it projects a lot more.

Reels people in more.

This isn't something that happens by force,

it comes from letting go.

Okay?

You could think of it too.

As taking a shit.

People are constipated as fuck and they're trying to shit.

Socially, they're like really stifled.

That's their instrument.

It's super constipated and they're like come on, come on.

Express yourself and you'll hear their voice.

Literally it's like a little string of shit going,

"Hey.

"My name's Jeremiah.

"Come on shit, get out of my mouth."

And then they might try to be loud.

Like, "Hey, hey, hey there."

Trying to shoot the shit out.

And they're like maybe more, just forcing it.

Terrible, people sense that, it's weird.

It's too much, it's offputting.

And you can just sense that person's constipated.

On the flip side you also see people who are constipated

who just suck it up.

It's like I'm just tOo shy to even try to express it.

So you'll either have the person super constipated,

not talking.

Or constipated and trying to force a little string out.

Letting go dilutes the anus.

(audience member laughs)

So that it just.

Naturally, effortlessly, just all comes out.

And that's when you tap into your true power.

That is the best way to illustrate this.

Are you trying to force out your vibe?

Or are you diluting and just letting it out.

Just (imitates explosion).

That's power.

That's also getting out of your head

'cause then you're not wasting all that energy

trying to force something out.

Then you can allocate that energy to pattern recognition.

Putting yourself in the other person's shoes.

To forward willpower.

This is important.

If you're really shy and anxious and stifled,

you're trying to hide all that,

you're trying to micromanage how people think,

there's all that worry.

You're burning a ton of energy and willpower.

Energy and willpower that is necessary

if you want to truly express yourself

and make sure it connects with someone.

Guess what?

Right now, this event,

am I using a lot of energy and willpower speaking right now?

Yes or no?

- No. - No.

- Yes.

Kidding me, yes.

(audience laughs)

To craft a speech like this requires

a lot of concentration and willpower, it has to make sense.

Like as I'm talking now I'm already just playing chess,

thinking three, four moves ahead

of how this is gonna link to what I say then.

I'm also thinking,

"Okay for them to understand this concept,

"I need to say this first.

"I need to say it in this order.

"I'm gonna use this story, I'm gonna use this joke."

It's a ton, it's very mentally intense.

What allows me to do this,

while also remaining flowy and fun and at ease

is by having access to all of my energy, focus and willpower

and I can't be burning it backwards.

Fighting against myself, stuffing stuff down.

That's why people mess up.

If all your energy is like,

"Oh be cool, oh don't show the anxiety."

You have 10% left on what you're saying

and forward-focused.

Good luck with that.

10% left in terms of even analyzing your references.

Most people don't even remember their references,

how are you gonna grow from that?

So letting go is also what gets you out of that.

Reclaiming all that power

which really accelerates your growth

and then in terms of what reels people in

on a charismatic level.

We always get so obsessed with the content right?

Like what are some cool stories to say

that's gonna reel someone in?

Oh give me the little cool stories, the words.

It's like, it's the vibe.

It's literally the vibe.

Vibe is 80%.

Of course you can refine and what I call polish the wording

but what comes first, what draws someone in

is the energy that they put out.

You lost, is that your spot?

Yes, okay.

Favorite example is this.

Okay.

- [Audience Member] What's up?

- Shh or I'm gonna have to kick you out.

Okay.

Yes, again this is social awareness too.

Too in your head,

you can't even notice you're disrupting an event.

Be aware, number one lesson for you.

Wake up, be aware okay?

Now the big test,

that I always like bringing this back to is this.

Say you take two people

and there's two scripts for a commercial

selling you on this pen.

Person number one, they did a ton of test studies

on the different words that resonate with the audience.

"Oh if you say the word moist when talking about this pen,

"it'll really resonate."

So it's all studied and it's this carefully crafted,

marketing experts came in.

Like the script is perfect.

The content is perfect.

But let's just say that person's vibe is at a 50%.

Take someone else, their script,

let's just say there is no study,

it's 50% as good as the other one.

A worse script but vibe is 100%.

Who's gonna be more appealing and captivating?

- Second one. - Vibe.

- The vibe.

Vibe comes first.

Master that, 80% of the way there.

Then of course add on the content

and this is how you see people got it the wrong way.

They're working all these words

but it just comes off weird, hollow.

Even the words itself, what you're saying.

What is it supposed to highlight?

The vibe.

And this is the other big shift

is that most people try to go out and socialize

and put this front and hide behind this front

to distract people from who they are.

Hey if I learn these tips and tricks,

people won't see that I have nothing to say.

If I learn these stories,

people will think I'm interesting.

If I hide my anxiety, people will think I'm confident.

So everything that you're saying or doing

is designed to distract people.

We call this being a social scammer, sadly most people.

A social master,

yes there are still some tips and tricks involved

in the 20% but they're not meant to distract people

from who you are.

They're meant to highlight who you are.

Saying something, even the story

is meant to highlight how awesome your vibe is.

Makes sense?

Are you, and this is an audit for all of you.

Whenever you're talking to someone,

are you trying to bring their awareness to who you are

or hide and bring it to something that you're not?

And at the most basic level this starts by going first

and just being real off the bat.

If you're going out and you're like,

"Okay I need to have more fun."

And you even try to jump up to have some more fun,

it's better than nothing but you're still scamming.

Why are you not having fun by default?

Why do you need to do that to have fun?

Okay, I need to build my momentum.

No, you don't need momentum.

Is there such a thing as momentum, of course.

But it should play a small role.

Meaning I do still get affected by momentum

but my starting point is really damn high

and the momentum just takes me those extra couple percents.

For most people they have nothing, they're all momentum.

Not good.

That's still scamming.

That's the whole,

"I'm not in state, now what?"

Why are you not in state?

Let go and you don't need to make momentum

your go to foundation.

If you noticed, guess what?

I could be quietly standing at the back I walk up,

"Hey, how's it going?"

I don't need momentum.

I don't need to warm up.

I don't need to do my two, three minutes.

I'm gonna talk a little bit for two, three minutes

and warm up.

No, 'cause I've done the inner work.

There's nothing blocking it.

There's nothing I need to fight against.

And then here's the other trap,

if you're relying on momentum,

even if you're relying on different stories

or things that you say.

That's becomes your source of confidence.

It's not coming from you.

It's hurting core confidence.

There was a comment recently on a video that I put out.

Someone's like, "Oh I love that bit of advice."

It was just an advice when it comes to conversation skills.

It's like oh I like that bit of advice.

I feel if you give a lot more bits of advice like that,

it's gonna help people with anxiety

'cause then they have all these little bits of tips

and tricks they can rely on.

And I'm like, "Well okay that's great.

"They have their spot yes.

"But you don't want that to be your foundation."

Because what is it gonna say?

That you are nothing without all the tips and tricks.

That's your source of confidence,

that's your source of power.

Not who you are.

You'll always feel not confident without it.

Your self esteem will never move up

because the good response, the good reference,

the good reaction, it's not because of who I am.

It's because of the little story.

It's because of the tip and trick I saw on YouTube.

It actually hurts you.

You want your source of power and confidence

to just come from who you are.

Hey you know what?

I can be interesting with a great script,

I can be interesting with a boring script.

Bring it.

And if you're someone who relies way too much on the content

give yourself a challenge.

Go out and try to talk about the most boring things,

yet make them interesting and you will be amazed.

Even on a deeper level,

what defines something that is interesting?

If you find it interesting.

If you're interested in it,

that vibe, that passion will transfer onto the person

and they'll be interested in it too.

All right, I actually have a friend, acquaintance

who lives in San Francisco, like friend.

More of an acquaintance.

I'll see him every now and then,

he lives in San Francisco, he's a great guy though.

And he works in the bar scene, restaurant scene

and he's the type of guy where if you go out

and you eat something or he orders a drink or something

he'll describe kind of like how,

if you go to a Michelin Star dinner,

in great detail all the subtleties that went into it.

So say we're at a restaurant, he's like,

"Oh did you know that dish,

"they got this from that thing and this?"

And the way he talks, content-wise,

I mean even if you actually go to a Michelin restaurant,

they give you the description,

you don't even understand half of what they're saying.

You're just like ooh.

Like the vibe affects you.

Content-wise, I don't really care what he's saying.

About this, and then the fish they got it there.

Okay cool story

but it actually makes the meal way more enjoyable

and I get sucked into what he's saying.

"Oh did you know that this drink was infused with?"

Dadada, it's like, I don't give a fuck

but because you're into it,

I actually kind of do and I like it.

So keep talking about it.

Same here.

Whatever you're into,

actually at a most basic level, I would focus on that.

Instead of looking for little cool stories,

say hey, what are some real stories from my life

that light me up?

What are some topics that I could just talk about forever?

And try going out and talking about that,

see what happens.

Try prioritizing the vibe.

Anything you say,

it's because it highlights and amplifies the vibe.

And you'll be surprised.

There was even someone, this is many years ago.

I still have the video somewhere he was,

it might be in Transformation Mastery too.

He's, it was in Eastern Europe.

It was this older guy, very stifled.

Very sad, Eastern Europe and you know,

he's like oh hey I got, just all down.

And I'm like, "When's the last time you smiled?"

He's like, "What's that?"

And I'm like "Okay.

"When was the last time you were excited?"

He's like, "I don't know."

So I'm like, give me one thing you find really interesting,

really exciting.

And he's like, "Game of Thrones."

This was before the finale.

(audience laughs)

And he was like, really into it.

I'm like, "Okay tell me why you like, tell the crowd.

"You know what?

"Tell the whole crowd why you like 'Game of Thrones'."

And he starts talking, it's like,

"'The Game of Thrones',"

and at first it's just kind of meek.

But suddenly, and you see it in the video,

the guy starts getting carried away and he's like,

"You know and the writer, they thought about."

And he starts getting louder and louder and everyone's like,

"What the fuck?"

And he's like,

"They thought about this and there's this character,

"this character named Hodor."

Everyone's like Hodor?

He's like, "Yes and they thought about it

"for all these years that hold the door is Hodor."

Hodor and starts going nuts and everyone's like,

"Who is this?"

Because he picked a topic that just lit him up.

If he does that while out,

that is much more charismatic and appealing

than him thinking,

"What would be something

"that someone else would like to hear about?"

Maybe I'll interest them with a little bit of content.

No you interest them by being interested in it.

You interest them with your vibe.