Don't fall VICTIM to Avoidant Control! Dismissive Avoidant NO CONTACT Encouragement Ep. 19

Summary

In this video, Maria reflects on the challenges of being in a relationship with someone who has unresolved trauma, particularly avoidant individuals. She discusses how these individuals often push their partners away due to fear and past emotional wounds, yet still hold their partners accountable for their past experiences. Maria emphasizes that while avoidance may be a trauma response, it doesn't excuse hurtful behavior. She encourages viewers to prioritize self-love, make small changes, and stop enabling toxic patterns in relationships, ultimately freeing themselves from self-sabotage and emotional manipulation.

Takeaways

• 😀 Avoidant individuals can choose to either control their actions or let their trauma dictate their behavior, but they can't claim both to be true at once.
• 😀 It's not the responsibility of a partner to heal someone else's past wounds or be punished for the actions of their ex or parents.
• 😀 If someone constantly dwells on past relationships or trauma, they might not be ready for a healthy relationship.
• 😀 Avoidant behavior is often a choice, not a mere trauma reaction, and partners shouldn't feel obligated to accept bad treatment under the guise of it being a 'reaction.'
• 😀 Real love in a relationship should involve mutual respect, care, and support, not just one person consistently giving while the other pulls away.
• 😀 Avoidants often push away people who care about them, mistakenly seeing them as the problem, when it's actually their own unresolved trauma and fears.
• 😀 Being compared to an ex or parental figure by a partner is a distorted view and can prevent healthy bonding, as the partner isn't seeing you for who you truly are.
• 😀 A relationship should allow both people autonomy and space to grow without fear or punishment, which is essential for mutual trust and love.
• 😀 Avoidant individuals can demand space, but it’s never enough, as their need for freedom often stems from fear rather than healthy independence.
• 😀 Self-improvement and prioritizing one's own well-being are key to breaking free from unhealthy relationships and letting go of toxic behaviors.

Q & A

What is the main theme of the script?

The main theme revolves around the emotional struggles involved in relationships with avoidant individuals, especially when one person is stuck in past trauma and unable to move forward. The script addresses the importance of setting boundaries and not accepting mistreatment due to someone else’s unresolved issues.

What does the script say about avoidant behavior and control?

The script emphasizes that avoidants have control over their actions, including both the loving behavior they exhibit early in relationships and the distancing or hurtful behavior they choose later. It highlights that avoidants make conscious choices, whether to engage or withdraw, even if their actions are influenced by past trauma.

How does the speaker describe their experience with avoidant behavior?

The speaker describes their frustration in repeatedly reaching out to their avoidant ex, influenced by 'get your ex back' videos, which suggested that the ex’s avoidance was due to fear and that showing consistency and love would help them heal. The speaker later realized that it wasn’t their responsibility to heal the ex, especially since their ex’s trauma stemmed from their past relationships, particularly with their mother.

What advice does the speaker give about being involved with someone who is emotionally stuck?

The speaker advises that if someone is consistently stuck in negative past experiences and unable to move forward, they are not ready for a healthy relationship. They suggest not becoming involved with people who constantly talk about their unresolved issues, as it can prevent growth and fulfillment in a relationship.

What does the script say about how avoidant individuals perceive their partners?

Avoidants may distort the perception of their partners, seeing them through the lens of past hurt rather than as individuals. This can lead to comparisons with exes or parental figures and result in treating a current partner unfairly, despite their efforts to offer love and support.

How does the speaker describe the challenges of being in a relationship with an avoidant person?

The speaker describes the frustration of trying to express needs in a relationship with an avoidant person, only to be met with rejection, anger, or emotional distance. For example, when a man expresses concern over an avoidant woman’s self-destructive behavior, she responds with anger or stonewalling, pushing him away instead of accepting support.

What is the speaker’s perspective on self-love and setting boundaries?

The speaker stresses the importance of self-love and setting boundaries, suggesting that people should prioritize their own well-being over continually making excuses for others' hurtful behavior. By developing self-love, individuals can learn to stop accepting mistreatment and create healthier boundaries in relationships.

What does the speaker say about how avoidants handle emotional intimacy?

The speaker explains that avoidants often avoid emotional intimacy and may react with anger or withdrawal when asked for more connection. This avoidance stems from their fear of vulnerability, but it’s important to note that their behavior is a choice, not a lack of control.

How does the speaker suggest handling the aftermath of a relationship with an avoidant person?

The speaker suggests focusing on self-care after a relationship with an avoidant person, such as breaking free from the habit of checking on their social media or reaching out to them. Small changes, like reducing contact and prioritizing self-improvement, can help regain control and heal.

What is the significance of the nail polish metaphor in the script?

The nail polish metaphor symbolizes the speaker’s journey of self-care and shifting focus away from their avoidant ex. Instead of continuing the unhealthy habit of reaching out to their ex, they choose to invest time in something that nurtures their own well-being, like painting their nails. This marks a transition toward healing and self-love.