5 Games EVERY Avoidant Plays When They’re Secretly Falling For You

Summary

This video script explores the complex dynamics of being in a relationship with an avoidant person. It describes the five emotional levels an avoidant goes through when falling for someone, from initial emotional glitches to retreating into their past. The narrative details the emotional games they play, their fear of intimacy, and how they cope with vulnerability. The video emphasizes the importance of patience, self-respect, and knowing when to walk away. Ultimately, it offers hope for those navigating the uncertainty of love with an avoidant, encouraging personal growth and awareness.

Takeaways

• 😀 Avoidants don't fall in love easily; they unlock it in layers, testing the relationship as they go.
• 😀 The five levels of an avoidant's emotional game include: glitches, the frozen tundra, the mirror room, the world of phantoms, and the inner keep.
• 😀 The 'glitch test' is when avoidants become inconsistent, emotionally pulling back to test your reaction to their emotional distance.
• 😀 If you remain steady and don’t panic during the glitch, you survive level one and progress to the next layer.
• 😀 The 'frozen tundra' is when avoidants emotionally shut down in response to deeper feelings, causing you to doubt yourself.
• 😀 In the frozen tundra, avoidants are in 'deactivation' mode, and the key to surviving is to remain emotionally stable and avoid chasing them.
• 😀 The 'mirror room' occurs when avoidants mimic your behaviors and emotions, hiding their true selves behind a mask to feel safe.
• 😀 In the mirror room, avoidants hide behind a facade of charm and charisma to avoid exposing their vulnerabilities.
• 😀 The 'world of phantoms' is where avoidants emotionally retreat into their past, comparing you to former lovers or ghosts of their past.
• 😀 The final level, 'the inner keep', is the most guarded place in an avoidant's heart, where they keep their deepest fears and vulnerabilities.
• 😀 To win the game, you need to stop chasing the avoidant and accept that you can't force someone to open up. The key is to walk away and let them decide whether to let you in.

Q & A

What does the metaphor of a video game represent in this script?

The video game metaphor represents the emotional journey and challenges one faces when involved with someone who has an avoidant attachment style. The 'levels' symbolize different stages of emotional testing and distancing that occur in such relationships, and surviving each level is a way of understanding and navigating these challenges.

What is the significance of the 'glitch' in level one?

The 'glitch' in level one refers to the avoidant’s inconsistent behavior, where they show emotional intimacy one moment and pull away the next. This inconsistency is not intentional but a defense mechanism triggered by their fear of getting too close. Surviving this level means not reacting with anxiety or desperation, which would confirm their fears.

How does the 'frozen tundra' metaphor describe an avoidant's emotional state?

The 'frozen tundra' metaphor represents the emotional numbness or shutdown an avoidant experiences when they begin to feel too vulnerable or emotionally involved. This is their defense mechanism to protect themselves from perceived emotional danger, leading them to withdraw affection and communication.

Why do avoidants mirror others in relationships, as described in level three?

Avoidants mirror others in relationships as a survival strategy to protect themselves from emotional exposure. They mimic the behaviors, emotions, and communication styles of their partner to avoid showing their true selves, which they fear might be rejected or misunderstood.

What is the 'magician's cloak' and how does it relate to avoidants?

The 'magician's cloak' refers to the facade that avoidants put on to hide their true selves. It is a protective shield designed to present an idealized or less vulnerable version of themselves to others. This cloak is used to avoid emotional intimacy and to manage the narrative of who they are in relationships.

How does the 'world of phantoms' affect avoidants and their relationships?

In the 'world of phantoms,' avoidants retreat emotionally into past relationships or unresolved feelings. They idealize a lost love or an ex, often using it as an excuse to avoid the current emotional connection. This is a deactivating strategy to distance themselves from the vulnerability of being truly seen and loved.

What is the key emotional issue at the heart of the avoidant's behavior in the 'world of phantoms'?

The key emotional issue is the avoidant's fear of being rejected or exposed for who they truly are. They often preemptively sabotage relationships by bringing up their past, distancing themselves, or ending things because they fear that their real selves will be rejected.

How does one survive the 'inner keep' stage in a relationship with an avoidant?

Surviving the 'inner keep' stage means recognizing that there is no quick way to break through the avoidant’s final emotional wall. The avoidant has to invite you into this deeper layer of themselves willingly. If they are ready, they may open up and trust you, but it is not something you can force. This stage is about patience and demonstrating emotional security.

What does the repetition of the cycle in the 'inner keep' teach about relationships with avoidants?

The repetition of cycles in the 'inner keep' teaches that building trust with avoidants is a gradual, ongoing process. They test your loyalty by pulling away and seeing if you will chase them, but they also need to see that you can handle their distance without reacting with panic. This process is difficult and can feel emotionally abusive when it becomes a pattern.

What is the significance of the 'matrix' metaphor in the context of a relationship with an avoidant?

The 'matrix' metaphor represents the illusion of a real relationship that many people in relationships with avoidants experience. They believe they are making progress, but in reality, they are stuck in a simulation driven by hope and fear. Breaking free from this 'matrix' means accepting that the avoidant may never change, and finding clarity and peace outside of the relationship.