The power of vulnerability | Brené Brown | TED

Summary

The speaker, a researcher-storyteller, shares her journey into understanding the power of vulnerability and its connection to shame, fear, and worthiness. Through years of research and personal struggle, she discovers that embracing vulnerability is essential for authentic connection, joy, and a sense of belonging. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing our worthiness and the courage to be imperfect, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling life.

Takeaways

• 🎤 The struggle of being labeled as a 'researcher' vs. a 'storyteller' reflects the societal perception of research as boring and irrelevant.
• 📚 The speaker's journey began with exploring connection, realizing it's the essence of human existence and purpose.
• 🚫 The initial research on connection was met with stories of disconnection, leading to the discovery of shame as a critical factor.
• 🦉 Shame is a universal human experience, deeply tied to the fear of disconnection and the sense of not being worthy of connection.
• 🌟 The core of worthiness is the belief in one's own worthiness, separating those with a strong sense of love and belonging from those who struggle with it.
• 💖 Whole-hearted living involves embracing vulnerability, courage, and authenticity, which in turn fosters a deep sense of self-worth and connection.
• 🛡️ Vulnerability is not about being comfortable or excruciating but about being necessary for experiencing life fully, including joy, creativity, and love.
• 🥼 The pursuit of controlling and predicting through research led to the realization that living with vulnerability is essential, challenging the researcher's initial objectives.
• 🌈 A spiritual awakening or breakdown signifies a profound shift in understanding and embracing the importance of vulnerability in life.
• 🚫 Selective numbing of emotions is impossible; numbing vulnerability also numbs joy, gratitude, and happiness, leading to a cycle of seeking purpose and meaning.
• 🌱 Raising a generation of children who understand they are worthy of love and belonging despite their imperfections could revolutionize society's approach to struggle and worthiness.

Q & A

What was the initial struggle the event planner faced when trying to describe the speaker?

The event planner was struggling with how to categorize the speaker on a flyer. She was hesitant to label the speaker as a researcher, fearing that it might deter people by seeming boring and irrelevant, but she also recognized the speaker's storytelling ability.

How did the speaker redefine their professional identity after the event planner's dilemma?

The speaker decided to embrace the term 'storyteller' but also wanted to acknowledge their research background. They ultimately combined the two aspects by referring to themselves as a 'researcher-storyteller', highlighting their dual role in collecting stories and conducting qualitative research.

What was the main focus of the speaker's research?

The speaker's research primarily focused on understanding the concept of connection and how it relates to human experiences. They explored the role of shame and vulnerability in hindering or fostering a sense of belonging and worthiness.

How did the speaker's perception of vulnerability evolve over the course of their research?

Initially, the speaker viewed vulnerability as a negative trait to be overcome. However, through their research, they discovered that vulnerability is not only at the core of shame and fear but also the birthplace of joy, creativity, belonging, and love. This realization led to a significant shift in their understanding and acceptance of vulnerability.

What was the key variable that separated people with a strong sense of love and belonging from those who struggled with it?

The key variable was the belief in one's own worthiness. People who had a strong sense of love and belonging believed they were worthy of love and connection, whereas those who struggled with it often doubted their worthiness.

What are the three main characteristics of 'whole-hearted' people as identified by the speaker?

The three main characteristics are courage to be imperfect, compassion towards oneself and others, and the willingness to embrace vulnerability as a necessary part of life. These individuals are authentic and willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they are.

How does numbing vulnerability affect our emotional range?

Numbing vulnerability not only suppresses the negative emotions such as fear, shame, and grief but also numbs positive emotions like joy, gratitude, and happiness. This selective numbing is impossible, leading to a diminished emotional range and potentially a cycle of seeking numbness through unhealthy behaviors.

What is the speaker's view on the modern approach to parenting in relation to children's imperfections?

The speaker argues that instead of striving to keep children perfect, parents should accept and affirm their children's imperfections and struggles as a natural part of life. They should communicate to their children that they are worthy of love and belonging, regardless of their imperfections.

What impact does the speaker suggest our actions have on others?

The speaker suggests that our actions, whether in personal life or in corporations, have significant impacts on others. They advocate for authenticity and accountability, encouraging entities to admit their mistakes, apologize, and commit to fixing their errors.

What is the speaker's ultimate advice for embracing vulnerability?

The speaker advises to let ourselves be seen deeply and vulnerably, to love wholeheartedly without guarantees, to practice gratitude and joy even in moments of fear, and to believe in our own sufficiency. From a place of believing 'I'm enough', we can foster better listening, kindness towards others, and gentler self-treatment.

How does the speaker describe the transformation they underwent through their research and personal experiences?

The speaker describes a profound personal transformation, initially resisting the idea of vulnerability but eventually embracing it as essential for a fulfilling life. They went through a 'breakdown', which they also refer to as a spiritual awakening, learning to accept and value their own vulnerability and imperfections.

Outlines

00:00

🎤 The Struggle of Identity

The speaker begins by sharing an anecdote about an event planner's difficulty in categorizing her profession. Initially labeled as a researcher, the speaker feared being perceived as boring and irrelevant. Instead, she was redubbed a storyteller, which caused an internal conflict as she grappled with her academic identity. Through this experience, she realized her true role as a researcher-storyteller, emphasizing the importance of stories in data and research. The speaker then introduces the main theme of her talk: expanding perception through personal stories of research that profoundly impacted her life.

05:01

💡 The Power of Connection and Shame

The speaker delves into the significance of human connection, asserting that it is the reason we exist and gives our lives purpose and meaning. She shares her journey as a social worker and a doctoral student, highlighting the contrasting views on life's messiness. The speaker's research on connection was sidetracked by the discovery of a powerful barrier to connection: shame. She defines shame as the fear of disconnection and notes its universality, indicating a lack of empathy or connection in those not experiencing it.

10:06

🌟 Embracing Whole-Hearted Living

The speaker discusses her research on shame, which evolved into a study of vulnerability. She found that those with a strong sense of worthiness and love believed they deserved connection and belonging. The key variable separating those who felt worthy from those who struggled was the belief in their own worthiness. The speaker identified common traits among those who lived whole-heartedly: courage to be imperfect, self-compassion, and embracing vulnerability as a source of beauty and strength.

15:06

🌈 Vulnerability as a Double-Edged Sword

The speaker explores the concept of vulnerability, initially viewing it as a barrier but later recognizing it as essential for life's most profound experiences. She challenges the conventional research approach of control and predictability by advocating for embracing vulnerability. This realization led to a personal crisis, which she refers to as a spiritual awakening. The speaker emphasizes the importance of facing vulnerability to truly live and experience joy, love, and a sense of purpose.

20:07

🛡️ The Numbing of Emotions in a Vulnerable World

The speaker addresses how society often deals with vulnerability by numbing it, leading to a range of issues from addiction to political discord. She explains that numbing one's emotions cannot be selective; by numbing vulnerability, we also numb joy and gratitude. The speaker calls for a change in how we approach uncertainty and imperfection, advocating for authenticity and the belief in our inherent worthiness. She stresses the importance of allowing ourselves to be seen vulnerably, practicing gratitude in moments of fear, and believing that we are enough.

🙏 Final Thoughts and Thanks

The speaker concludes her talk by reiterating the importance of embracing vulnerability, imperfection, and living whole-heartedly. She encourages the audience to believe in their worthiness and to practice gratitude and joy, even in the face of fear and uncertainty. With a final expression of gratitude, the speaker ends her talk on a note of encouragement and inspiration.

Keywords

💡storyteller

The term 'storyteller' refers to someone who tells stories, often with the intent of entertaining, educating, or conveying a message. In the context of the video, the speaker identifies herself as a storyteller, highlighting her role as a qualitative researcher who collects and shares stories, suggesting that stories can be a powerful form of data with emotional resonance. This relates to the main theme of the video, which revolves around the power of storytelling in research and personal growth.

💡researcher

A 'researcher' is an individual who conducts systematic investigations to establish facts, principles, or knowledge through observation, experimentation, or other methods. In the video, the speaker grapples with the label of 'researcher' due to its perceived association with being boring and irrelevant. However, she ultimately reconciles with this identity, combining it with her storytelling abilities to effectively communicate her findings.

💡vulnerability

Vulnerability refers to the state of being open to attack or harm, but in a psychological context, it also encompasses the willingness to expose one's true self, emotions, or weaknesses. The speaker views vulnerability as the core of shame and fear, as well as the birthplace of joy, creativity, belonging, and love. It is central to the video's message, which encourages embracing vulnerability as a necessary part of human connection and growth.

💡shame

Shame is a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior. In the video, shame is described as the fear of disconnection, stemming from a belief that something about oneself could lead to being unworthy of connection or love. The speaker's exploration of shame is integral to understanding the barriers to human connection and the importance of worthiness.

💡worthiness

Worthiness refers to the state of being deserving or worthy of something, often in terms of love, respect, or belonging. In the video, worthiness is presented as a critical factor in experiencing a sense of love and belonging. The speaker argues that those who believe they are worthy tend to have stronger connections and a more fulfilling life.

💡connection

Connection refers to the state of being linked or united with something, often in an emotional or social sense. In the video, connection is portrayed as a fundamental human need, providing purpose and meaning to our lives. The speaker's research into connection is driven by the desire to understand and enhance the human experience of belonging.

💡courage

Courage is the ability to face fear, pain, danger, or difficulty with confidence. In the context of the video, courage is redefined as the willingness to tell one's story with one's whole heart, embracing imperfection and vulnerability. It is a key trait of those living a 'whole-hearted' life, as described by the speaker.

💡authenticity

Authenticity refers to the quality of being genuine, true to one's own personality, spirit, or character, despite external pressures. In the video, authenticity is emphasized as essential for deep and meaningful connections. It involves being true to oneself, including one's vulnerabilities and imperfections.

💡numbing

Numbing refers to the act of reducing or eliminating the sensation of feeling, often used metaphorically to describe the suppression of emotions. In the video, numbing is discussed as a common coping mechanism for dealing with vulnerability, but it is also shown to have negative consequences by deadening positive emotions as well.

💡perfect

The term 'perfect' implies flawlessness or the ideal form, without any defects or errors. In the context of the video, the pursuit of perfection is critiqued as a misguided goal that can lead to unnecessary pressure and a distorted view of reality. The speaker argues that embracing imperfection is healthier and more conducive to growth and connection.

💡belonging

Belonging refers to the sense of being part of a group or community, feeling accepted and valued. In the video, belonging is presented as a fundamental human yearning that is deeply intertwined with the capacity for connection and the willingness to be vulnerable. The speaker's research suggests that those who believe in their worthiness tend to experience a stronger sense of belonging.

Highlights

The event planner's struggle to categorize the speaker reflects a common challenge in academia and the public perception of research.

The speaker identifies as a 'researcher-storyteller,' a term that combines the analytical nature of research with the engaging power of storytelling.

The importance of connection in human life is emphasized, highlighting its role in providing purpose and meaning.

The speaker's academic background in social work is contrasted with her desire to understand and deconstruct complex social issues.

The realization that stories can be seen as 'data with a soul' reflects the speaker's unique approach to research and human experiences.

The central theme of the research is the exploration of shame and its impact on human connection and worthiness.

Shame is identified as a universal human experience, rooted in the fear of disconnection.

Vulnerability is the core of both shame and fear, as well as the foundation for joy, creativity, belonging, and love.

The speaker's personal struggle with vulnerability and her journey to embrace it as a necessary part of life.

The importance of authenticity and the willingness to let go of societal expectations in order to foster true connection.

Courage is defined as the act of telling one's story with one's whole heart, emphasizing the role of imperfection in this process.

The paradox of vulnerability leading to both fear and joy, and the necessity of embracing it for a fulfilling life.

The societal tendency to numb vulnerability, and the unintended consequences of this approach, including the numbing of positive emotions.

The impact of numbing emotions on a broader scale, contributing to issues such as debt, obesity, addiction, and medication overuse.

The role of blame as a mechanism to discharge pain and discomfort, and its prevalence in contemporary politics and discourse.

The importance of raising children with the understanding that they are worthy of love and belonging, despite their imperfections and struggles.

The transformative power of authenticity and vulnerability in personal and professional settings, leading to a more compassionate and connected world.

The conclusion that embracing vulnerability, practicing gratitude, and believing in one's own worthiness are key to living a meaningful and connected life.

Transcripts

So, I'll start with this: a couple years ago, an event planner called me

because I was going to do a speaking event.

And she called, and she said,

"I'm really struggling with how to write about you on the little flyer."

And I thought, "Well, what's the struggle?"

And she said, "Well, I saw you speak,

and I'm going to call you a researcher, I think,

but I'm afraid if I call you a researcher, no one will come,

because they'll think you're boring and irrelevant."

(Laughter)

And I was like, "Okay."

And she said, "But the thing I liked about your talk

is you're a storyteller.

So I think what I'll do is just call you a storyteller."

And of course, the academic, insecure part of me

was like, "You're going to call me a what?"

And she said, "I'm going to call you a storyteller."

And I was like, "Why not 'magic pixie'?"

(Laughter)

I was like, "Let me think about this for a second."

I tried to call deep on my courage.

And I thought, you know, I am a storyteller.

I'm a qualitative researcher.

I collect stories; that's what I do.

And maybe stories are just data with a soul.

And maybe I'm just a storyteller.

And so I said, "You know what?

Why don't you just say I'm a researcher-storyteller."

And she went, "Ha ha. There's no such thing."

(Laughter)

So I'm a researcher-storyteller, and I'm going to talk to you today --

we're talking about expanding perception --

and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories

about a piece of my research that fundamentally expanded my perception

and really actually changed the way that I live and love

and work and parent.

And this is where my story starts.

When I was a young researcher, doctoral student,

my first year, I had a research professor who said to us,

"Here's the thing, if you cannot measure it, it does not exist."

And I thought he was just sweet-talking me.

I was like, "Really?" and he was like, "Absolutely."

And so you have to understand

that I have a bachelor's and a master's in social work,

and I was getting my Ph.D. in social work, so my entire academic career

was surrounded by people who kind of believed in the "life's messy, love it."

And I'm more of the, "life's messy, clean it up, organize it

and put it into a bento box."

(Laughter)

And so to think that I had found my way, to found a career that takes me --

really, one of the big sayings in social work is,

"Lean into the discomfort of the work."

And I'm like, knock discomfort upside the head

and move it over and get all A's.

That was my mantra.

So I was very excited about this.

And so I thought, you know what, this is the career for me,

because I am interested in some messy topics.

But I want to be able to make them not messy.

I want to understand them.

I want to hack into these things that I know are important

and lay the code out for everyone to see.

So where I started was with connection.

Because, by the time you're a social worker for 10 years,

what you realize is that connection is why we're here.

It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.

This is what it's all about.

It doesn't matter whether you talk to people

who work in social justice, mental health and abuse and neglect,

what we know is that connection, the ability to feel connected, is --

neurobiologically that's how we're wired --

it's why we're here.

So I thought, you know what, I'm going to start with connection.

Well, you know that situation

where you get an evaluation from your boss,

and she tells you 37 things that you do really awesome,

and one "opportunity for growth?"

(Laughter)

And all you can think about is that opportunity for growth, right?

Well, apparently this is the way my work went as well,

because, when you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak.

When you ask people about belonging,

they'll tell you their most excruciating experiences of being excluded.

And when you ask people about connection,

the stories they told me were about disconnection.

So very quickly -- really about six weeks into this research --

I ran into this unnamed thing that absolutely unraveled connection

in a way that I didn't understand or had never seen.

And so I pulled back out of the research

and thought, I need to figure out what this is.

And it turned out to be shame.

And shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection:

Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it,

that I won't be worthy of connection?

The things I can tell you about it:

It's universal; we all have it.

The only people who don't experience shame

have no capacity for human empathy or connection.

No one wants to talk about it,

and the less you talk about it, the more you have it.

What underpinned this shame, this "I'm not good enough," --

which, we all know that feeling:

"I'm not blank enough. I'm not thin enough,

rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough."

The thing that underpinned this was excruciating vulnerability.

This idea of, in order for connection to happen,

we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.

And you know how I feel about vulnerability. I hate vulnerability.

And so I thought, this is my chance to beat it back with my measuring stick.

I'm going in, I'm going to figure this stuff out,

I'm going to spend a year, I'm going to totally deconstruct shame,

I'm going to understand how vulnerability works,

and I'm going to outsmart it.

So I was ready, and I was really excited.

As you know, it's not going to turn out well.

(Laughter)

You know this.

So, I could tell you a lot about shame,

but I'd have to borrow everyone else's time.

But here's what I can tell you that it boils down to --

and this may be one of the most important things that I've ever learned

in the decade of doing this research.

My one year turned into six years:

Thousands of stories, hundreds of long interviews, focus groups.

At one point, people were sending me journal pages

and sending me their stories --

thousands of pieces of data in six years.

And I kind of got a handle on it.

I kind of understood, this is what shame is, this is how it works.

I wrote a book, I published a theory, but something was not okay --

and what it was is that, if I roughly took the people I interviewed

and divided them into people who really have a sense of worthiness --

that's what this comes down to, a sense of worthiness --

they have a strong sense of love and belonging --

and folks who struggle for it,

and folks who are always wondering if they're good enough.

There was only one variable that separated

the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging

and the people who really struggle for it.

And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging

believe they're worthy of love and belonging.

That's it.

They believe they're worthy.

And to me, the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection

is our fear that we're not worthy of connection,

was something that, personally and professionally,

I felt like I needed to understand better.

So what I did is I took all of the interviews

where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way,

and just looked at those.

What do these people have in common?

I have a slight office supply addiction, but that's another talk.

So I had a manila folder, and I had a Sharpie,

and I was like, what am I going to call this research?

And the first words that came to my mind were "whole-hearted."

These are whole-hearted people, living from this deep sense of worthiness.

So I wrote at the top of the manila folder,

and I started looking at the data.

In fact, I did it first in a four-day, very intensive data analysis,

where I went back, pulled the interviews, the stories, pulled the incidents.

What's the theme? What's the pattern?

My husband left town with the kids

because I always go into this Jackson Pollock crazy thing,

where I'm just writing and in my researcher mode.

And so here's what I found.

What they had in common was a sense of courage.

And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute.

Courage, the original definition of courage,

when it first came into the English language --

it's from the Latin word "cor," meaning "heart" --

and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are

with your whole heart.

And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect.

They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others,

because, as it turns out,

we can't practice compassion with other people

if we can't treat ourselves kindly.

And the last was they had connection, and -- this was the hard part --

as a result of authenticity,

they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be

in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do that

for connection.

The other thing that they had in common was this:

They fully embraced vulnerability.

They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful.

They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable,

nor did they really talk about it being excruciating --

as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing.

They just talked about it being necessary.

They talked about the willingness to say, "I love you" first ...

the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees ...

the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call

after your mammogram.

They're willing to invest in a relationship

that may or may not work out.

They thought this was fundamental.

I personally thought it was betrayal.

I could not believe I had pledged allegiance to research, where our job --

you know, the definition of research is to control and predict,

to study phenomena for the explicit reason to control and predict.

And now my mission to control and predict

had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability

and to stop controlling and predicting.

This led to a little breakdown --

(Laughter)

-- which actually looked more like this.

(Laughter)

And it did.

I call it a breakdown; my therapist calls it a spiritual awakening.

(Laughter)

A spiritual awakening sounds better than breakdown,

but I assure you, it was a breakdown.

And I had to put my data away and go find a therapist.

Let me tell you something: you know who you are

when you call your friends and say, "I think I need to see somebody.

Do you have any recommendations?"

Because about five of my friends were like,

"Wooo, I wouldn't want to be your therapist."

(Laughter)

I was like, "What does that mean?"

And they're like, "I'm just saying, you know.

Don't bring your measuring stick."

(Laughter)

I was like, "Okay."

So I found a therapist.

My first meeting with her, Diana --

I brought in my list of the way the whole-hearted live, and I sat down.

And she said, "How are you?"

And I said, "I'm great. I'm okay."

She said, "What's going on?"

And this is a therapist who sees therapists,

because we have to go to those, because their B.S. meters are good.

(Laughter)

And so I said, "Here's the thing, I'm struggling."

And she said, "What's the struggle?"

And I said, "Well, I have a vulnerability issue.

And I know that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear

and our struggle for worthiness,

but it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity,

of belonging, of love.

And I think I have a problem, and I need some help."

And I said, "But here's the thing: no family stuff, no childhood shit."

(Laughter)

"I just need some strategies."

(Laughter)

(Applause)

Thank you.

So she goes like this.

(Laughter)

And then I said, "It's bad, right?"

And she said, "It's neither good nor bad."

(Laughter)

"It just is what it is."

And I said, "Oh my God, this is going to suck."

(Laughter)

And it did, and it didn't.

And it took about a year.

And you know how there are people

that, when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important,

that they surrender and walk into it.

A: that's not me,

and B: I don't even hang out with people like that.

(Laughter)

For me, it was a yearlong street fight.

It was a slugfest.

Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back.

I lost the fight,

but probably won my life back.

And so then I went back into the research

and spent the next couple of years

really trying to understand what they, the whole-hearted,

what choices they were making, and what we are doing with vulnerability.

Why do we struggle with it so much?

Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability?

No.

So this is what I learned.

We numb vulnerability --

when we're waiting for the call.

It was funny, I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook

that says, "How would you define vulnerability?

What makes you feel vulnerable?"

And within an hour and a half, I had 150 responses.

Because I wanted to know what's out there.

Having to ask my husband for help because I'm sick, and we're newly married;

initiating sex with my husband;

initiating sex with my wife;

being turned down; asking someone out;

waiting for the doctor to call back;

getting laid off; laying off people.

This is the world we live in.

We live in a vulnerable world.

And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability.

And I think there's evidence --

and it's not the only reason this evidence exists,

but I think it's a huge cause --

We are the most in-debt ...

obese ...

addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history.

The problem is -- and I learned this from the research --

that you cannot selectively numb emotion.

You can't say, here's the bad stuff.

Here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame,

here's fear, here's disappointment.

I don't want to feel these.

I'm going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.

(Laughter)

I don't want to feel these.

And I know that's knowing laughter.

I hack into your lives for a living.

God.

(Laughter)

You can't numb those hard feelings

without numbing the other affects, our emotions.

You cannot selectively numb.

So when we numb those,

we numb joy,

we numb gratitude,

we numb happiness.

And then, we are miserable,

and we are looking for purpose and meaning,

and then we feel vulnerable,

so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.

And it becomes this dangerous cycle.

One of the things that I think we need to think about

is why and how we numb.

And it doesn't just have to be addiction.

The other thing we do is we make everything that's uncertain certain.

Religion has gone from a belief in faith and mystery to certainty.

"I'm right, you're wrong. Shut up."

That's it.

Just certain.

The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are,

the more afraid we are.

This is what politics looks like today.

There's no discourse anymore.

There's no conversation.

There's just blame.

You know how blame is described in the research?

A way to discharge pain and discomfort.

We perfect.

If there's anyone who wants their life to look like this, it would be me,

but it doesn't work.

Because what we do is we take fat from our butts and put it in our cheeks.

(Laughter)

Which just, I hope in 100 years, people will look back and go, "Wow."

(Laughter)

And we perfect, most dangerously, our children.

Let me tell you what we think about children.

They're hardwired for struggle when they get here.

And when you hold those perfect little babies in your hand,

our job is not to say, "Look at her, she's perfect.

My job is just to keep her perfect --

make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh."

That's not our job.

Our job is to look and say,

"You know what? You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle,

but you are worthy of love and belonging."

That's our job.

Show me a generation of kids raised like that,

and we'll end the problems, I think, that we see today.

We pretend that what we do doesn't have an effect on people.

We do that in our personal lives.

We do that corporate --

whether it's a bailout, an oil spill ...

a recall.

We pretend like what we're doing

doesn't have a huge impact on other people.

I would say to companies, this is not our first rodeo, people.

We just need you to be authentic and real and say ...

"We're sorry. We'll fix it."

But there's another way, and I'll leave you with this.

This is what I have found:

To let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen ...

to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee --

and that's really hard,

and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult --

to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror,

when we're wondering, "Can I love you this much?

Can I believe in this this passionately?

Can I be this fierce about this?"

just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen,

to say, "I'm just so grateful,

because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive."

And the last, which I think is probably the most important,

is to believe that we're enough.

Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, "I'm enough" ...

then we stop screaming and start listening,

we're kinder and gentler to the people around us,

and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves.

That's all I have. Thank you.

(Applause)