TED Conflict Negotiation
Summary
TLDRIn this inspiring talk, the speaker recounts a Middle Eastern parable about three brothers and their inheritance of 17 camels, which leads to a negotiation impasse. The story illustrates the importance of finding an '18th camel' to resolve conflicts. The speaker emphasizes the role of the 'third side' in conflicts, representing the community that can mediate and facilitate resolution. Drawing from personal experiences in global conflict zones, the speaker introduces the concept of the 'Abraham Path,' a walking route that retraces the steps of Abraham to promote unity, hospitality, and economic opportunity, offering a transformative approach to longstanding disputes like the Middle East conflict.
Takeaways
- 🐫 The story of a man leaving 17 camels to his three sons, with fractions that don't divide evenly, illustrates the complexity of certain negotiations and the need for creative solutions.
- 👵 A wise old woman's suggestion to add her camel to make a total of 18 camels, allowing for fair distribution, highlights the importance of fresh perspectives in resolving conflicts.
- 🌐 The speaker's life passion is finding '18th camels' in global conflicts, emphasizing the potential for unity and reconciliation among diverse groups.
- 👨👩👧👦 The concept of the 'third side' in conflicts, representing the surrounding community, is introduced as a key factor in mediating and resolving disputes.
- 🇸🇦 A personal experience in South Africa shows how the 'third side' can remind parties of the stakes and encourage dialogue over fighting.
- 🔍 The speaker's work in various global conflicts, including Yugoslavia, the Middle East, and Venezuela, underscores the universal need for constructive third-party involvement.
- 📚 The story of Abraham, as a symbol of unity and hospitality, is presented as a potential 'third side' narrative to counteract religious intolerance and terrorism.
- 🚶 The 'Abraham Path' initiative, retracing Abraham's steps across the Middle East, is described as a practical way to promote peace and understanding through walking tours.
- 🌱 The potential economic benefits of the Abraham Path for local communities, such as increased tourism and support for impoverished families, are highlighted.
- 🌳 The speaker concludes with an optimistic vision for peace, suggesting that by engaging as the 'third side,' individuals can contribute to global harmony and conflict resolution.
Q & A
What is the story of the 17 camels and how does it relate to negotiation?
-The story of the 17 camels involves a father who leaves his three sons with a will that cannot be evenly divided: half, a third, and a ninth of the 17 camels. The sons struggle to divide the camels until a wise old woman suggests adding her own camel to make 18, allowing each son to take their share (9, 6, and 2) and leaving one camel to give back to the woman. This story illustrates the concept of finding a creative solution to a negotiation that initially seems impossible.
What is the '18th camel' in the context of the speech?
-The '18th camel' is a metaphor for an innovative solution or a new perspective that can resolve a conflict or negotiation that initially seems intractable. It represents the fresh approach or additional resource that can transform a deadlocked situation into one with a win-win outcome.
How does the speaker define the 'third side' in conflicts?
-The 'third side' refers to the surrounding community, friends, allies, family members, and neighbors who are not directly involved in the conflict but can play a constructive role in resolving it. This side helps remind the conflicting parties of the bigger picture and encourages dialogue and reconciliation.
What is the significance of the story of Abraham in the context of the Middle East conflict?
-Abraham is considered a unifying figure in the Middle East, as he is revered by multiple religions and cultures. His story symbolizes unity, respect, and hospitality towards strangers, which can serve as an antidote to the region's conflicts. The speaker suggests that embracing Abraham's values could be a step towards peace.
What is the 'Abraham Path' mentioned in the script?
-The 'Abraham Path' is a walking route that retraces the footsteps of Abraham across the Middle East. It aims to promote peace, understanding, and economic development by encouraging people to walk through the region, experience the local hospitality, and learn about the shared cultural heritage.
How does the speaker suggest the 'Abraham Path' can contribute to peace in the Middle East?
-The speaker proposes that the 'Abraham Path' can serve as a unifying force by promoting tourism, economic opportunities, and cultural exchange. It encourages people to walk in Abraham's footsteps, fostering a sense of shared identity and mutual respect, which can help counteract hostility and terrorism.
What is the role of the third side in the speaker's experience with negotiations?
-In the speaker's experience, the third side plays a crucial role in facilitating negotiations by helping parties maintain perspective, encouraging open dialogue, and reminding them of the stakes involved. It serves as a constructive force that can guide the negotiation back on track when tempers flare or disagreements arise.
Why does the speaker believe that every conflict can be transformed?
-The speaker believes that every conflict can be transformed because they have witnessed the potential for change in various difficult and intractable conflicts around the world. They emphasize the power of the third side to influence outcomes positively and the importance of collective action in resolving disputes.
What is the significance of the oak tree metaphor used by the speaker?
-The oak tree metaphor signifies the potential growth and strength of the 'Abraham Path' initiative. Just as an acorn represents the early stages of an oak tree, the 'Abraham Path' is in its nascent phase but has the potential to grow into a powerful force for peace and unity in the Middle East.
How does the speaker encourage the audience to take the third side?
-The speaker encourages the audience to take the third side by suggesting small acts of kindness and understanding towards those who are different from them. They propose engaging in conversation, listening to others' perspectives, and participating in activities like the 'Abraham Path' to promote peace and unity.
Outlines
🐫 The Parable of the Camels and the Third Side of Conflict
The speaker begins with a parable about a man who bequeaths 17 camels to his three sons, with each son receiving a different fraction of the inheritance. Unable to divide the camels without conflict, they consult a wise woman who offers her own camel to help resolve the situation. This act of adding an '18th camel' allows for a fair distribution and symbolizes the concept of the 'third side' in conflict resolution. The speaker emphasizes the importance of stepping back and viewing conflicts from a fresh perspective, much like the wise woman did, to find innovative solutions. The 'third side' is introduced as the community or surrounding individuals who can play a constructive role in resolving conflicts, drawing parallels to the story of humanity's interconnectedness and the need to address differences in a peaceful manner.
🌟 The Power of Perspective and the Role of the Third Side
The speaker discusses the importance of maintaining perspective during conflicts, highlighting how the 'third side' can help by reminding parties of the bigger picture. A personal anecdote is shared about tense negotiations between Russian and Chechen leaders, where the speaker, as a facilitator, managed to steer the conversation back on track by adopting a 'balcony perspective.' The concept of the 'third side' is further explored in the context of the Middle East conflict, suggesting that a focus on the shared story of Abraham, who symbolizes unity and hospitality, could be a starting point for reconciliation. The speaker invites the audience to consider their role in the 'third side' and to engage with others to promote peace.
🚶♂️ The Abraham Path: A Walk Towards Unity and Understanding
The speaker introduces the idea of the 'Abraham Path,' a route that retraces the steps of Abraham across the Middle East, as a means to promote understanding and unity. The journey, which spans across multiple countries, is described as an experience of hospitality and kindness, contrary to the expected hostility. The speaker recounts their own experience walking the path and the profound impact it had on their understanding of the region. The initiative has grown to include local walks in various cities, virtual runs, and media coverage, all aimed at spreading the message of hospitality and unity. The economic benefits of the path are also highlighted, as it brings tourism and supports local communities, exemplified by the story of a woman in Jordan who cooks for walkers to earn an income.
🌳 From Acorns to Oak Trees: The Potential of the Abraham Path
In the final paragraph, the speaker likens the Abraham Path to an acorn, signifying its potential to grow into a mighty oak tree, much like the transformation of Europe post-World War II. The speaker expresses optimism that a common identity and economy, centered around the story of Abraham and tourism, could lead to peace in the Middle East. The speaker concludes by encouraging the audience to take the 'third side' in conflicts, even in small ways, such as engaging in conversations with those from different backgrounds. The potential of collective action is emphasized through an African proverb about the strength of united spiderwebs, suggesting that a united third side can overcome even the most formidable challenges.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Negotiation
💡Conflict
💡Third Side
💡Abraham Path
💡Hospitality
💡Unity
💡Terrorism
💡Balcony Perspective
💡Reconciliation
💡Economic Opportunity
Highlights
The story of dividing 17 camels among three sons illustrates the complexity of negotiation.
Introducing an '18th camel' can resolve seemingly impossible negotiations.
The concept of the 'third side' in conflict resolution involves the surrounding community playing a constructive role.
The third side helps to remind parties in conflict of what's truly at stake.
The importance of maintaining perspective and not reacting impulsively in negotiations.
The potential for the third side to facilitate communication and prevent escalation in conflicts.
The story of Abraham as a symbol of unity and respect in the Middle East.
The idea of retracing Abraham's footsteps as a way to promote peace and understanding.
The Abraham Path Initiative as a practical application of the third side concept.
The impact of the Abraham Path on local communities and economies.
The potential for the Abraham Path to change perceptions from hostility to hospitality.
The power of storytelling in conflict resolution and cultural understanding.
The role of personal experiences and interactions in fostering empathy across cultures.
The potential for the Abraham Path to become a unifying economic and cultural force.
The importance of taking small steps as part of the third side to contribute to global peace.
The transformative power of unity and common identity, as seen in Europe's post-WWII recovery.
The call to action for individuals to engage in conversations and connections across differences.
Transcripts
[Music]
[Music]
[Applause]
well the subject of difficult
negotiation reminds me of one of my
favorite stories from the Middle East of
a man who left to his three sons 17
camels and to the first son he left half
the camels to the second son he left a
third of the camel
and to the youngest son he left a ninth
of the camels well Three Sons got into a
negotiation 17 doesn't divide by two it
doesn't divide by three it doesn't
divide by nine brotherly temper started
to get strained finally in desperation
they went and they consulted a wise old
woman the wise old woman thought about
their problem for a long time and
finally she came back and said well I
don't know if I can help you but at
least if you want you can have my camel
so then they had 18 camels the first son
took his half half of of 18 is nine the
second son took his third a third of 18
is six the youngest son took his ninth a
ninth of 18 is two you get 17 they had
one camel left over they gave it back to
the wise old
woman now if you think about that story
for a moment I think it resembles a lot
of the difficult negotiations we get
involved in they start off like 17
camels no way to resolve it somehow what
we need to do is step back from those
situations like that Wise Old Woman look
at the situation through fresh eyes and
come up with an 18th
camel now finding that 18th camel in the
world's conflict has been my life
passion I basically see Humanity a bit
like those three brothers we're all one
family we know that scientifically
thanks to the communications Revolution
all the tribes on the planet all 15,000
tribes are in touch with each
other and it's a big family reunion and
yet like many family reunions it's it's
not all peace and light there's a lot of
conflict and the question is how do we
deal with our differences how do we deal
with our deepest differences given the
human propensity for conflict and the
human genius at devising weapons of
enormous destruction that's the question
as I've spent the last better part of
three decades almost four traveling the
world trying to work getting involved in
conflicts ranging from
Yugoslavia to the Middle East to Chia to
Venezuela some of the most difficult
conflicts on the face of the planet I've
been asking myself that question and I
think I've found in some ways what is
the secret to peace it's actually
surprisingly simple it's not easy but
it's simple it's not even new it's maybe
our one of our most ancient human
heritages the secret to peace is us it's
us who act as a surrounding Community
around any conflict who can play a
constructive role let me give you just a
story an
example about 20 years ago I was in
South Africa working with the parties in
that conflict and I had an extra month
so I spent some time living with several
groups of son Bushman I was curious
about them about the way in which they
resolve conflict because after all
they're within living memory they were
hunters and gatherers living pretty much
like our ancestors live for maybe 99% of
the human story
and all the men have these poison arrows
that they use for hunting absolutely
fatal so how do they deal with their
differences well what I learned is
whenever tempers rise in those
communities someone goes and hides the
poison arrows out in the bush and then
everyone sits around in a circle like
this and they sit and they talk and they
talk it may take two days 3 days 4 days
but they don't rest until they find a
resolution or better yet a
Reconciliation
and if tempers are still too high then
they send someone off to visit some
relatives there's a cooling off period
Well that system is I think probably the
system that kept us alive to this point
given our human
tendencies that system I call the third
side because if you think about it
normally when we think of conflict when
we describe it there's always two sides
you know it's Arabs versus Israelis
labor versus management husband versus
wife Republicans versus Democrats but
what we don't often see is that there's
always a third side and the third side
of the conflict is us it's the
surrounding Community it's the friends
the Allies the family members the
neighbors and we can play an incredibly
constructive role perhaps the most
fundamental way in which the third side
can help is to remind the parties of
what's really at stake you know for the
sake of the kids for the sake of the
family for the sake of the community for
the sake of the future let's stop
fighting for a moment and start talking
because the thing is when we're involved
in Conflict it's very easy to lose
perspective it's very easy to react
human beings were reaction machines and
as the saying goes when angry you will
make the best speech you will ever
regret and so the third side reminds us
of that the third side helps us go to
the balcony which is a metaphor for a
place of perspective where we can keep
our eyes on the prize let me tell you a
little story for my own negotiating
experience some years ago I was involved
as a facilitator in some very tough
talks between the leaders of Russia and
the leaders of
chcha there was a war going on as you
know and we met in the he in the peace
Palace in the same room where the
Yugoslav war crimes tribunal was taking
place and the talks got off to a rather
Rocky start when the vice president of
ccha began by pointing at the Russians
and said you should stay right here here
in your seats because you're going to be
on trial for war crimes and then he went
on and he turned to me and said you're
an American look at what you Americans
are doing in Puerto Rico and my mind
started racing Puerto Rico what do I
know about Puerto Rico I started
reacting but then I tried to remember to
go to the balcony and then when he
paused and everyone looked at me for a
response from a balcony perspective I
was able to thank him for his remarks
and say I appreciate your criticism of
my country and I take it as a sign that
we're among friends and can speak
candidly to one
another and what we're here to do is not
to talk about Puerto Rico or the past
we're here to do just to see if we can
figure out a way to stop the suffering
and the Bloodshed in chcha the
conversation got back on track that's
the role of the third side is to help
the parties go to the
balcony now let me take you for a moment
to what's widely regarded as the world's
most difficult conflict and the most
impossible conflict is the Middle East
question is where's the third side there
how could we possibly go to the balcony
now I don't pretend to have an answer to
the Middle East conflict but I think
I've got a first step literally a first
step something that any one of us could
do as third ciders let me just ask you
one question first how many of you in
the last years have ever found yourself
worrying about the Middle East and
wondering what anyone could do just just
out of curiosity how many of you okay so
the great majority of us
and here it's so far away why do we pay
so much attention to this conflict is it
the number of deaths there're 100 times
more people who die in a conflict in
Africa than in the Middle East no it's
because of the story because we feel
personally involved in that story
whether we're Christians Muslims or Jews
religious or non-religious we feel we
have a personal stake in it stories
matter as an anthropologist I know that
stories are what we use to transmit
knowledge to give meaning to our lives
that's what we tell here at Ted we tell
stories stories are the key and so my
question is
is yes let's try and resolve the
politics there in the Middle East but
let's also take a look at the story
let's try to get it the root of what
it's all about let's see if we can apply
the third side to it what would that
mean what is the story there now as
Anthropologist we know that every
culture has an origin
story what's the origin story of the
Middle East in a phrase It's 4,000 years
ago a man and his family walked across
the Middle East and the world has never
been the same since that man of course
was
Abraham and what he stood for was Unity
the unity of the family he's the father
of us all but it's not just what he
stood for it's what his message was his
basic message was Unity too the
interconnectedness of it all the unity
of it all and his Basic Value was re
respect was kindness towards strangers
that's what he's known for is
Hospitality so in that sense he's the
symbolic third side of the Middle East
he's the one who reminds us that we're
all part of a greater hole now how would
you now think about that for a
moment we today we Face a scourge of
terrorism what is Terrorism terrorism is
basically taking an innocent stranger
and treating them as an enemy whom you
kill in order to create fear what's the
opposite of terrorism it's taking an
innocent stranger and treating them as a
friend whom you welcome into your home
in order to sew and create understanding
or respect or
love so what if then you took the story
of Abraham which is a third Side Story
what if that could be actually an ant
because Abraham stands for
Hospitality what if that could be an
antidote to terrorism what if that could
be a vaccine against religious
intolerance how would you bring that
story to life now it's not enough just
to tell a story that's powerful but
people need to experience the story they
need to be able to live the story how
would you do that and that was my
thinking of how would you do that and
that's what comes to the first step here
because the simple way to do that is you
go for a walk you go for a walk in the
footsteps of Abraham you retrace the
footsteps of Abraham because walking has
a real power you know as an
anthropologist walking is what made us
human walking it's funny when you walk
you walk side by side in the same common
Direction now if I were to come to you
face to face and come this close to you
you would
feel
threatened but if I walk shoulder Tosh
shoulder even touching shoulders it's no
problem who fights why they walk that's
why in negotiations often when the
things get tough people go for walks in
the woods so the idea came to me of what
about inspiring a path a route think the
silk route think the Appalachian Trail
that followed in the footsteps of
Abraham people said that's crazy you
can't you can't retrace the footsteps of
Abraham that's too insecure you got
across all these borders it goes across
10 different countries in the Middle
East because it unites them all and so
we studied the idea at Harvard we did
our due diligence and then a few years
ago a group of us about 25 of us from 10
different countries decided to see if we
could retrace the footsteps of Abraham
going from his additional birthplace in
the city of Ura in southern turkey
northern
Mesopotamia and we then took a bus and
took some walks and went to haran where
in the Bible he sets off on his journey
then we crossed the border into Syria
went to Aleppo which turns out is named
after after Abraham we went to Damascus
which has a long history associated with
Abraham we then came to Northern Jordan
to Jerusalem which is all about Abraham
to Bethlehem and finally to the place
where he's buried in Hebron so
effectively we went from womb to tomb we
showed it could be done it was an
amazing journey let me ask you a
question how many of you have had the
experience of being in a strange
neighborhood or Strange
Land and a total stranger Perfect
Stranger comes up to you and shows you
some kindness maybe invites you into
their home gives you a drink gives you a
coffee gives you a meal how many of you
have ever had that
experience that's the essence of of the
Abraham path that's what you discovers
you go into these villages in the Middle
East where you expect hostility and you
get the most amazing Hospitality all
associated with Abraham in the name of
father ibraim let me let me offer you
some food so what we discovered is that
Abraham is not just a figure out of a
book for those people he's alive he's a
living presence and to make a long story
short in the last couple of years now
thousands of people have begun to walk
parts of the path of Abraham in the
Middle East enjoying the hospitality of
the people there they began to walk in
Israel in Palestine in Jordan in Turkey
in Syria it's an amazing experience men
women young people old people more women
than men actually interestingly for
those who can't walk uh who are unable
to get there right now people started to
organize walks in cities in their own
communities in Cincinnati for instance
they organized a walk from a church to a
mosque to a synagogue and then all had
an abrahama atic meal together it was
Abraham path day in s Paulo Brazil it's
become an annual event for thousands of
people to run in a virtual Abraham path
run uniting the different communities
the media love it they really adore it
they lavish attention on it uh because
it's Visual and it spreads the idea this
idea of Abraham anic Hospitality of
kindness towards
strangers and uh just a couple weeks ago
there was an NPR story on it uh last
month there was a piece in the in the
guardian uh in the Manchester Guardian
uh about it two two whole pages uh and
they quoted a quoted a villager who said
this walk connects us to the world was
he said it was like a light that went on
in our lives it brought us hope and so
that's what it's about but it's not just
about psychology it's about economics
because as people walk they spend money
and this woman right here ummad is a
woman who lives on the path in Northern
Jordan uh she's desperately poor she's
partially blind her husband uh can't
work she's got seven kids but what she
can do is cook and so she's begun to
cook for some groups of Walkers who come
through the village and have a meal in
her home they sit on the floor she
doesn't even have a tablecloth she makes
the most delicious food that's fresh
from the herbs in the surrounding
Countryside and so more and more walkers
have come and lately she's begun to earn
an income to support her family and so
she told our our team there she said you
have made me
visible in a village where people were
once ashamed to look at me
that's the potential of the Abraham path
there are literally hundreds of those
kind of communities across the middle
east across the
path the potential is basically to
change the game and to change the game
you have to change the frame the way we
see things to change the frame from
hostility to hospitality from terrorism
to tourism and in that sense the Abraham
path is a GameChanger let me just show
you one thing I have a Little Acorn here
that I picked up while I was walking on
the path earlier this year now the acorn
is associated with the oak tree of
course grows into an oak tree which is
associated with Abraham the path right
now is like an acorn it's still in its
early phase what would the oak tree look
like well I think back to my childhood a
good part of which I spent after being
born here in Chicago I I spent in Europe
if you had been in the ruins of say
London in 1945 or Berlin and you had
said 60 years from now this is going to
be the most peaceful prosperous part of
the planet people would have thought you
were certifiably insane but they did it
thanks to a common identity Europe and a
common economy so my question is if it
could be done in Europe why not in the
Middle East why not thanks to a common
identity which is the story of Abraham
and thanks to a common economy that
would be based in good part on
tourism so let me conclude then by
saying that in the last 35 years as I've
worked in some of the most dangerous
difficult and intractable conflicts
around the planet I have yet to see one
conflict that I felt could not be
transformed it's not easy of course but
it's possible it was done in South
Africa it was done in Northern Ireland
it could be done anywhere it simply
depends on us it depends on us taking
the third side so let me invite you to
consider taking the third side even as a
very small step we're about to take a
break in a moment just go up to someone
who's from a different culture a
different country a different ethnicity
some difference and engage them in a
conversation listen to them that's a
third side act that's walking Abraham's
path after a TED Talk why not a Ted walk
so let me just leave you with three
things one is the secret to peace is the
third side the third side is US each of
us with a single
step can take the world can bring the
world a step closer to
peace there's an old African proverb
that goes when spiderwebs unite they can
halt even the lion if we able to unite
our third side webs of Peace we can even
halt the lion of War thank you very
[Music]
much
[Music]
sharing that's video on the human
Network Cisco welcome to the human
Network
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