"The Fastest Way To Build Self-Confidence"

Summary

This script discusses the journey to genuine confidence, contrasting indirect behaviors that seek external validation with a direct approach that builds self-assurance. It highlights how people often focus on others' perceptions to feel confident, either by seeking validation or avoiding judgment. The speaker advocates for a direct path to confidence, urging individuals to define a core vision, leverage their strengths, and make decisions aligned with their goals. This strategy leads to tangible achievements and a self-sustained confidence, independent of external opinions.

Takeaways

• 😊 Confidence often falters because of the indirect ways we try to build it.
• 🤔 There are two paths to confidence: the indirect and the direct approach.
• 🙃 The indirect approach involves acting toward others to seek validation or avoid judgment.
• 💼 Seeking validation through hard work, overpromising, or asking for opinions are common indirect behaviors.
• 😓 Another indirect approach is avoiding judgment by staying silent, procrastinating, or avoiding delegation.
• 🚫 Both indirect behaviors are attempts to manage others' perceptions rather than build real confidence.
• 🏁 The fastest way to build confidence is to focus on the direct path.
• 🎯 Direct confidence comes from focusing on one core vision or result that's most important to you.
• 🛠 Align your actions and behaviors with this vision, building skills and competencies toward it.
• 💪 Over time, following the direct path leads to real achievements and lasting confidence.

Q & A

What are the two ways to build confidence mentioned in the script?

The two ways to build confidence mentioned are the direct way and the indirect way.

What is the indirect way of building confidence, and how does it manifest?

The indirect way of building confidence involves putting energy and attention into acting towards others to get them to act in a way that makes you feel confident. It manifests through behaviors like seeking validation or reassurance, overpromising, asking for opinions when capable of making decisions, or interrupting others to show off knowledge.

How does the indirect way of building confidence differ from the direct way?

The indirect way focuses on managing other people's perceptions of oneself, whereas the direct way focuses on building real confidence through actions that align with one's core vision and goals.

What are some examples of indirect behaviors that people might engage in to avoid feeling judged?

Examples include not speaking up with good ideas in meetings, procrastinating to avoid putting work out for comment, and not delegating to stay in the details rather than strategic thinking.

What is the fastest way to build confidence according to the script?

The fastest way to build confidence is by going direct, focusing on one's core vision, and taking actions that contribute to making that vision happen.

Why is focusing on a core vision important for building confidence?

Focusing on a core vision helps in articulating what is most important for oneself and the team, which in turn aligns actions with goals and builds real confidence through tangible accomplishments.

How can one resist the temptation of indirect path behaviors?

One can resist the temptation of indirect path behaviors by immediately calling to mind the core vision and choosing behaviors that contribute most to achieving that vision.

What are the benefits of building real confidence instead of borrowing it?

Building real confidence allows for self-reliance and authentic self-worth, eliminating the need to seek external validation or reassurance.

How does the script suggest one should react when feeling the urge to worry about others' opinions?

The script suggests that when feeling the urge to worry about others' opinions, one should instead focus on their core vision and the actions necessary to achieve it.

What is the role of skills and competencies in building direct path confidence?

Skills and competencies play a crucial role in the direct path to confidence by enabling quicker progress towards one's vision and goals, thus fostering a sense of accomplishment and self-assurance.

Outlines

00:00

🌟 Building Genuine Confidence

The paragraph discusses the common struggle with confidence and introduces two methods to build it: direct and indirect. It explains that many people unknowingly use indirect methods, which involve seeking validation or reassurance from others to feel competent or to avoid judgment. Examples include working excessively for recognition, overpromising, seeking opinions when capable of deciding, or interrupting to showcase knowledge. These behaviors are contrasted with the direct approach, which is suggested as the faster way to build real confidence. The direct approach involves focusing on a core vision, articulating it clearly, and aligning one's actions with achieving that vision. The speaker encourages individuals to replace indirect behaviors with actions that contribute to their vision, thereby building true confidence through accomplishments rather than borrowed validation.

Keywords

💡Confidence

Confidence refers to the feeling of self-assurance and belief in one's abilities. In the video, it is the central theme, as the speaker discusses how people often try to build confidence in indirect ways, like seeking validation from others. Real confidence is described as coming from within, through direct actions that align with one's goals and values.

💡Indirect behaviors

Indirect behaviors are actions aimed at gaining approval or avoiding disapproval from others, rather than focusing on one's own goals. Examples in the video include staying late at work to get recognition or procrastinating to avoid judgment. These behaviors are said to prevent the development of true confidence by putting too much emphasis on external validation.

💡Direct behaviors

Direct behaviors are actions that focus on achieving one's own vision or goals, rather than managing how others perceive you. The speaker explains that building confidence quickly comes from engaging in direct behaviors, where you align your actions with a clear purpose or vision, leading to real accomplishments.

💡Validation

Validation refers to seeking approval or affirmation from others. The speaker notes that many people try to build confidence by relying on validation, such as working hard for praise or overpromising to impress others. This approach is criticized as an indirect and ineffective way to feel confident.

💡Procrastination

Procrastination is the act of delaying or avoiding tasks, often to avoid judgment or criticism. The video highlights this as an indirect behavior, where individuals avoid putting their work out for comment, preventing them from building confidence through taking action and learning from the process.

💡Vision

A vision is a clear and compelling goal or result that one aims to achieve. The speaker emphasizes the importance of having a vision to guide direct behaviors, encouraging people to focus on what excites and engages them. This vision acts as a motivator for taking purposeful action, which leads to real confidence.

💡Borrowed confidence

Borrowed confidence refers to relying on others' opinions or actions to feel confident. The speaker warns against this type of confidence, which is fragile and dependent on external factors. True confidence, in contrast, is described as coming from one's own accomplishments and direct efforts.

💡Reassurance

Reassurance involves seeking comfort or confirmation from others to feel secure. The speaker identifies this as an indirect behavior, where people ask for others' opinions or approvals, even when they are capable of making decisions on their own. This reliance on reassurance undermines the development of real confidence.

💡Self-assurance

Self-assurance is a form of confidence that comes from a deep belief in one's abilities, independent of external validation. The video suggests that self-assurance is the ultimate goal and is achieved by focusing on direct behaviors aligned with personal vision, rather than seeking approval from others.

💡Accomplishments

Accomplishments refer to tangible achievements that result from taking direct action towards one's goals. The speaker explains that real confidence stems from accomplishments that are built through focusing on one's vision and taking steps to achieve it, rather than relying on external validation.

Highlights

People often struggle with confidence despite trying to appear confident.

There are two ways to build confidence: direct and indirect.

Indirect behaviors involve acting in ways to influence others' actions towards you.

The first indirect behavior is seeking validation or reassurance from others.

Examples of seeking validation include staying late at work for recognition or overpromising on tasks.

The second indirect behavior is acting to avoid judgment or disapproval.

Avoiding judgment might manifest as not speaking up in meetings or procrastinating.

Indirect behaviors are efforts to borrow or protect confidence rather than building it.

The direct path to building confidence involves focusing on a core vision.

Spend time articulating a clear and engaging vision for yourself and your team.

Identify the benefits and strengths that align with your vision.

Whenever tempted by indirect behaviors, recall your vision and choose actions that support it.

Focus on behaviors that contribute to your vision and building necessary skills.

Direct path behaviors lead to real accomplishments and genuine confidence.

The fastest way to build confidence is through direct actions towards your vision.

Transcripts

people often ask me how can I be

confident when I don't feel confident

first let's go over the ways that you've

been trying to be confident because it's

probably what's keeping you unconfident

and then I'll show you how to build real

confidence see there's two ways to build

confidence there's the direct way and

the indirect way many people do the

indirect way let's take a look at this

diagram the indirect behaviors are when

you put put your energy and attention

into acting towards other people in

order to get other people to act towards

you so that you can be here confident

there's two kinds of indirect behaviors

see if you recognize yourself in either

of them in the first one you put your

energy and attention into getting other

people to validate or reassure you then

you can feel competent or valued in your

position common behaviors might be you

stay really late at the office or work

really hard and are hoping for that Pat

on on the back from the boss or you

overpromise what you can deliver or when

you can deliver it so that people will

think well of you or you ask other

people for their opinions even when

you're equipped to make the decision or

you interrupt others to show how much

you know see those kinds of indirect

behaviors are your efforts to borrow

Confidence from the way that other

people think about you here's the second

kind of indirect Behavior see if you

feel shaky in your confidence then you

need to act towards other people people

in a way to get them to act towards you

so that you won't feel judged or

disapproved of that way you can at least

hold on to the confidence that you have

common examples might be you have a

really good idea in a meeting but you

don't speak up with it you procrastinate

so as not to put your work out there for

comment or you don't delegate you stay

mired in the details and at the Tactical

level rather than bold strategic

thinking these indirect behaviors are

your efforts to either bar confidence or

to protect what you have but in either

case you're putting your energy and

attention into managing other people's

perceptions of you rather than building

real confidence which is what you want

what's the fastest way to build

confidence you got it it's the direct

path go

direct and here's how you want to take

all the directions that you're going in

and boil them down into one main result

that you want one core Vision that is

the most important for you and your team

really spend time articulating this it's

well worth it what excites and engages

you about this Vision what benefits will

it bring to your life when you start to

see the results of it what strengths and

talents do you have to make that Vision

happen then whenever you're tempted to

do an indirect path Behavior or whenever

you're tempted to worry about what other

people are thinking immediately call to

mind that vision and choose the behavior

that will most contribute in that moment

to you making that Vision happen

building the skills and competencies

that will help you get there quicker or

feeling passionate and engaged about

your vision within a short time of doing

direct path behaviors you will have real

accomplishments in your career you won't

need to borrow confidence anymore you'll

have the real deal

remember the fastest way to build

confidence is to go Direct