The Harder You Try, The Worse It Gets | Law of Reversed Effort

Summary

The video script explores the paradoxical concept of the 'law of reversed effort,' which suggests that in many situations, the harder we try to achieve something, the further we move away from the desired outcome. Using examples from sleep, attraction, and performance, it illustrates how forcing or obsessing over specific goals can lead to anticipatory anxiety and hinder progress. Instead, the key lies in combining relaxation with activity, letting go of conscious control, and allowing the unconscious mind to guide us into a state of effortless 'flow.' The script emphasizes the importance of striking a balance between conscious effort and non-action, developing skills while simultaneously allowing them to emerge naturally.

Takeaways

• 🐈 Trying too hard to get something often pushes it further away, but letting go and relaxing allows it to come naturally.
• 🕰️ The more we consciously try to achieve something, the harder it becomes; proficiency comes from combining relaxation with activity.
• 🌙 Things like sleep, attraction, and performance cannot be forced; trying too hard often backfires.
• 🧘 Paradoxical intention (wishing for what we're trying to avoid) can help overcome hyper-intention and anxiety.
• 🚗 Skills become effortless and automatic with practice, as the conscious mind gets 'out of the way'.
• 🌊 Our unconscious mind plays a major role; the conscious mind is just the 'tip of the iceberg'.
• 🦋 Creation emerges when we don't actively try, but let it happen naturally, like 'waiting for a bug on the wall'.
• ⚖️ Optimal performance requires a balance between conscious effort (for learning) and relaxation (for letting skills emerge).
• 🏎️ In a 'flow state', actions happen effortlessly, without conscious thought or analysis.
• ☯️ As Lao Tzu said, 'Can you remain tranquil until right action occurs by itself?' – embodying the principle of 'wu-wei'.

Q & A

What is the law of reversed effort?

The law of reversed effort, also called the 'backwards law', suggests that in many situations, putting in more effort or trying harder to achieve something can actually move us further away from the desired outcome. Instead, less effort or not trying can sometimes lead to better results.

How does the law of reversed effort apply to pursuing happiness?

According to Mark Manson, the more we want or chase happiness, the less happy we'll be, as we're reinforcing a sense of lack. However, if we accept our negative experiences and are content with how things are, we're more likely to find happiness.

What is the paradoxical intention method, and how can it help?

The paradoxical intention method, proposed by Viktor Frankl, involves wishing for or wanting the very thing we're trying to avoid or prevent from happening. This can help relieve the anxiety and hyper-fixation on specific outcomes, which often lead to the outcomes we're trying to avoid.

How does the law of reversed effort relate to the concept of 'wu-wei' or the flow state?

The law of reversed effort suggests that optimal performance and entering the flow state often require us to relax and let our actions emerge naturally, rather than trying too hard or consciously controlling every aspect. Excessive conscious effort can disrupt the flow state.

What is the role of the conscious mind in the law of reversed effort?

The conscious mind, while valuable for reasoning and analysis, can often hinder our ability to perform optimally or enter the flow state. The law of reversed effort suggests that we need to relax the conscious mind and let our unconscious processes and skills emerge more naturally.

How does the law of reversed effort apply to attraction or relationships?

The script suggests that, in general, being too clingy or chasing someone can make us less attractive, while being more elusive or detached can increase attraction. The more we chase or try to force attraction, the more it may move away from us.

Can you provide an example of how the law of reversed effort applies to learning a skill?

The script uses the example of learning to drive a car. Initially, it seems almost impossible to coordinate all the actions required, but with practice, we eventually catch ourselves doing these tasks automatically and effortlessly, without conscious effort.

What is the role of relaxation in the law of reversed effort?

Relaxation plays a crucial role in the law of reversed effort. The script suggests that we need to combine relaxation with activity or conscious effort to achieve optimal performance and let our skills emerge naturally.

How does the law of reversed effort relate to the concept of "the wider self" or the unconscious mind?

The script suggests that the law of reversed effort allows the "wider self" or unconscious mind to come through and function properly. Our conscious mind is just a small part of our psyche, and relaxing it can allow the unconscious processes and abilities to emerge.

Can you summarize the key message or advice offered in the script regarding the law of reversed effort?

The key message is that while conscious effort and practice are necessary for developing skills, optimal performance and achieving goals often require us to relax, let go of excessive effort or control, and allow our actions to emerge naturally from our unconscious abilities. We need to find a balance between effort and non-effort, action and non-action.

Outlines

00:00

🐱 The Law of Reversed Effort and the Desire for Happiness

This paragraph introduces the concept of the law of reversed effort, using the analogy of a cat that comes to us when we stop chasing it. It explains that trying too hard to achieve something can often backfire, and that sometimes we need to let go and abstain from action. The paragraph then discusses how this law applies to the pursuit of happiness, referencing Mark Manson's idea that accepting a negative experience is paradoxically a positive experience. It sets up the exploration of the law of reversed effort from the perspective of performance and goal achievement in the next paragraphs.

05:04

🧠 The Role of Conscious Effort and Relaxation in Skill Development

This paragraph delves deeper into the law of reversed effort, quoting Aldous Huxley's idea that proficiency comes from combining relaxation with activity and letting go of conscious effort. It provides examples such as sleep, attraction, and stuttering to illustrate how trying too hard can be counterproductive. It introduces Viktor Frankl's concept of 'paradoxical intention' as a method to overcome hyper-intention and anxiety. The paragraph then explores the role of conscious effort and relaxation in developing skills like driving, drawing parallels to the Taoist concept of 'wu-wei' or the flow state. It discusses how the conscious mind can sometimes hinder optimal performance and how actions often emerge from the unconscious.

10:08

🌊 Achieving Optimal Performance through Relaxation and Non-Effort

This paragraph continues the discussion on the importance of relaxation and non-effort for optimal performance. It highlights the role of mental clarity and equanimity in achieving the flow state, as described by athletes, musicians, and others. It emphasizes the paradox that top performance requires letting go of conscious effort and allowing activities to emerge automatically. The paragraph reinforces this idea with quotes from Aldous Huxley, Lao Tzu, and Charles Bukowski, all emphasizing the need to relax and not try too hard. It concludes by suggesting that the path to optimal performance lies in combining conscious effort for skill development with the ability to let go and allow the skills to emerge naturally.

Keywords

💡Law of Reversed Effort

A principle stating that the more conscious effort and intention we apply to achieving a goal or outcome, the more elusive it becomes. Instead, by relaxing and allowing things to unfold naturally, we are more likely to succeed. This concept is the central theme explored throughout the video, with examples like trying to sleep, attracting romantic interests, and performing well under pressure.

💡Flow State

A state of optimal performance and effortless action, where the conscious mind takes a backseat, and activities seem to happen automatically. The video argues that the flow state is achieved by relaxing conscious effort and allowing the unconscious processes to take over. Examples include athletes 'being in the zone' and experiencing events in 'slow motion'.

💡Conscious Mind

The part of our psyche that is responsible for conscious reasoning, analysis, and intellectual activity. The video contrasts the conscious mind with the unconscious mind, suggesting that while the conscious mind is essential for learning and developing skills, it can hinder optimal performance when it tries too hard or exerts too much control.

💡Unconscious Mind

The vast part of the psyche that operates outside of our conscious awareness, responsible for automatic processes, intuition, and natural flow. The video suggests that by relaxing the conscious mind, we allow the unconscious mind to take over, leading to effortless action and peak performance.

💡Paradoxical Intention

A technique proposed by Viktor Frankl, where one adopts the intention or desire for the very outcome they are trying to avoid, thereby reducing anxiety and removing the pressure to achieve that outcome. The video cites examples of wishing to stay awake to fall asleep more easily, or wanting to stutter to overcome stuttering.

💡Relaxation

A state of calmness, lack of tension, and absence of conscious effort. The video repeatedly emphasizes the importance of relaxation in allowing optimal performance to emerge, as relaxation counteracts the detrimental effects of trying too hard or being overly fixated on specific outcomes.

💡Hyper-Intention

An excessive focus, fixation, or obsession with achieving a particular outcome or preventing a specific result. The video suggests that hyper-intention often leads to the opposite of the desired effect, causing performance anxiety and making the sought-after outcome more elusive.

💡Wu-Wei

A Taoist concept referring to effortless action or 'doing without doing'. The video relates wu-wei to the flow state, where actions seem to happen spontaneously without conscious effort or force, likening it to a dancer becoming the dance or a painter becoming the painting.

💡Anticipatory Anxiety

A state of anxiousness or worry experienced in anticipation of a future event or outcome. The video cites Viktor Frankl's observation that hyper-intention and excessive focus on achieving or avoiding specific outcomes often lead to anticipatory anxiety, which paradoxically increases the likelihood of the undesired outcome occurring.

💡Middle Path

A balanced approach between two extremes, in this case, between conscious effort and non-action. The video suggests that optimal performance requires finding a middle path, where conscious effort is applied for learning and skill development, but relaxation and non-effort are embraced during the execution phase to allow the unconscious processes to take over.

Highlights

The law of reversed effort shows us that, in many situations, putting in work only removes us further from the desired outcome. And that the more we try, the worse it gets. But the less we try, the better it gets.

The harder we try with the conscious will to do something, the less we shall succeed. Proficiency and the results of proficiency come only to those who have learned the paradoxical art of doing and not doing, or combining relaxation with activity, of letting go as a person in order that the immanent and transcendent unknown quantity may take hold.

Sleep is one of those many things we cannot force. Yet, we often try hard to fall asleep, with horrible results.

No one chooses to be attracted to someone or something; it just happens. Even though this is a generalization, by and large, we see that clinginess repels, and elusiveness attracts. The more we chase someone, the less attractive we become. But if we stop chasing, we become more elusive, and the attraction may return.

Trying too hard often backfires. Philosopher and psychiatrist Viktor Frankl observed that when we focus too much on achieving specific outcomes (and preventing others), we generate 'anticipatory anxiety.' In many cases, this hyper-intention leads to the situation we try to avoid.

Viktor Frankl provides us with a practical method called 'paradoxical intention.' This method can help us relieve ourselves of hyper-intention or, in other words: not try so hard.

Learning to drive a car can be an immensely frustrating experience. It takes many lessons and many hours to master for most people. For an inexperienced person, controlling a vehicle (while watching traffic) is a very unnatural and complicated task.

Our conscious mind is a gift and a curse. It allows us to reason, analyze, and use language. However, the conscious mind often sits in the way of what the Taoists call 'wu-wei,' also referred to as the flow state.

Any conscious effort in addition to the flow state causes us to hesitate. That's why the moment we become consciously aware that we're in such a state, and we begin intellectualizing and trying to control it; we lose it.

The Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung realized that our conscious mind is just a tiny part of the psyche. We could compare the conscious mind to the tip of an iceberg, while the unconscious is the major part of the iceberg that lies underwater, invisible to those above the surface.

Aldous Huxley distinguished between consciousness and the personal conscious, saying that a relaxed personal conscious is required to let the 'wider self' come through.

When someone asked author Charles Bukowski how he writes and creates, he answered: 'You don't (...) You don't try. That's very important: not to try, either for Cadillacs, creation or immortality. You wait, and if nothing happens, you wait some more.'

The more we try, the worse it gets. The more we chase the people we desire, the more they run from us. The harder we try to sell something, the fewer sales we tend to make. But if we don't act at all, we won't see any results either.

On the one hand, conscious effort seems necessary to develop our skills: we need to practice, learn, think, understand and analyze. On the other hand, the absence of conscious effort and intellectual activity seems necessary for letting the developed skills emerge naturally.

The flow state appears to accompany mental clarity and equanimity, according to the accounts of people who experienced it. When athletes, musicians, singers, Formula 1 drivers, and martial artists experience 'being in the zone,' they don't ruminate, worry, analyze, intellectualize, or think about their next step: they just flow along with the natural course, as if they're the course itself.

Transcripts

Have you ever tried petting a cat, but every  time you come closer, the cat runs away and  

keeps watching you from a distance? Then,  you walk towards the cat in a second attempt,  

but it runs away again. When you approach the cat  a third time, it flees and disappears. However,  

a few hours later, when you’ve focused your  attention on something else, the cat appears,  

walks toward you, and jumps onto your lap. A phenomenon we often experience is that when  

we chase something or someone, it moves away from  us. But when we leave it alone, it comes to us.  

This mechanism can be hard to reconcile with the  idea that ‘effort’ is the key to success. Even  

though it’s true that achieving goals often  requires work, there’s also another side to  

the story. The law of reversed effort shows us  that, in many situations, putting in work only  

removes us further from the desired outcome.  And that the more we try, the worse it gets.  

But the less we try, the better it gets. Hence,  achieving goals doesn’t just require work; we also  

must abstain from action. And to know when to act  and when not to, we need intelligence and skill. 

In a previous video, we explored a dimension  of the law of reversed effort (also called ‘the  

backwards law’). But this exploration was  from the viewpoint of pursuing happiness,  

as stated by bestselling author Mark  Manson: “wanting a positive experience  

is a negative experience; accepting a  negative experience is a positive experience.”  

End quote. So, the more we want happiness, the  less happy we’ll be, as we’re reinforcing a  

sense of lack. And that if we’re content with  how things are (and not in a state of lack),  

we suddenly have what we’re looking for. But in  this video, we’ll explore the law of reversed  

effort from the viewpoint of performance,  achieving goals, and overcoming fears.

The law of reversed effort was once coined by  English writer and philosopher Aldous Huxley,  

who stated that we only achieve proficiency by  combining relaxation with activity. I quote:

The harder we try with the conscious will to do  something, the less we shall succeed. Proficiency  

and the results of proficiency come only to  those who have learned the paradoxical art of  

doing and not doing, or combining relaxation with  activity, of letting go as a person in order that  

the immanent and transcendent unknown quantity may  take hold. We cannot make ourselves understand;  

the most we can do is to foster a state of  mind, in which understanding may come to us.

Imagine an insomniac trying to sleep. The  more he tries, the longer he seems to stay  

awake. And the longer he stays awake, the more  frustrated he becomes and the harder he tries.  

But after a while, the insomniac stops trying,  

accepting that he can’t sleep. And  suddenly, without any effort, he dozes off. 

Sleep is one of those many things we cannot  force. Yet, we often try hard to fall asleep,  

with horrible results. When we look at the nature  of sleep, this isn’t much of a surprise. We can  

see sleep as the ultimate form of relaxation.  Thus, trying to sleep is pretty contradicting,  

as we make an effort (or even force ourselves)  to relax, which is the opposite of relaxation. 

Another thing we cannot force is attraction.  No one chooses to be attracted to someone or  

something; it just happens. Even  though this is a generalization,  

by and large, we see that clinginess repels, and  elusiveness attracts. The more we chase someone,  

the less attractive we become. But if  we stop chasing, we become more elusive,  

and the attraction may return. As the proverb  goes: “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” 

Trying too hard often backfires. Philosopher  and psychiatrist Viktor Frankl observed  

that when we focus too much on achieving  specific outcomes (and preventing others),  

we generate “anticipatory anxiety.” In many cases,  this hyper-intention leads to the situation we try  

to avoid. An example from his book Man’s Search  For Meaning is a stutterer who desperately tries  

not to stutter. But because he tries too  hard, his speech falters even more as he’s  

anxious not to speak without stammering. And  so, it’s with many things. If we try too hard  

to enjoy ourselves, we’re probably not enjoying  ourselves because we’re so fixated on results  

that the fixation itself is unpleasant. Another example is people who experience  

difficulties climaxing in the bedroom.  The more they fixate on trying to climax,  

the less successful they’ll be, and  the more dreadful the whole bedroom  

experience becomes (including the anticipation  beforehand). Again, hyper-fixation on specific  

outcomes hijacks one’s ability to perform. Viktor Frankl provides us with a practical  

method called ‘paradoxical intention.’ This method  can help us relieve ourselves of hyper-intention  

or, in other words: not try so hard. By applying  paradoxical intention, we shift the paradigm from  

avoiding specific outcomes (like stuttering or not  being able to sleep) to wanting these outcomes. By  

wishing for things we previously tried to prevent  from happening, we’re less likely to become  

petrified by anxiety, as we remove the pressure  of wanting results. So, we’re more likely to fall  

asleep by wishing to stay awake than by trying  hard. You’ll find a more detailed exploration  

of paradoxical intention in a previous video  named Viktor Frankl’s Method to Overcome Fear.

Learning to drive a car can be an immensely  frustrating experience. It takes many lessons  

and many hours to master for most people. For an inexperienced person, controlling  

a vehicle (while watching traffic) is  a very unnatural and complicated task.  

Unless you drive an automatic, you have to step on  three different pedals to accelerate, slow down,  

and switch gears, and you must learn to use  mirrors to observe what’s happening around  

the car. It seems almost impossible to master.  However, after lots of practice, you suddenly  

catch yourself automatically doing these things. Our conscious mind is a gift and a curse.  

It allows us to reason, analyze, and use  language. However, the conscious mind  

often sits in the way of what the Taoists call  ‘wu-wei,’ also referred to as the flow state.  

In the flow state, our actions are fluent and  effortless, as if they happen by themselves:  

as if the dancer becomes the dance or the painter  becomes the painting. The video ‘Taoism | The  

Philosophy of Flow’ quotes retired basketball  player Bill Russell, describing the flow state  

as “playing in slow motion” and that he “could  almost sense how the next play would develop  

and where the next shot would be taken.” Any conscious effort in addition to the  

flow state causes us to hesitate. That’s  why the moment we become consciously aware  

that we’re in such a state, and we begin  intellectualizing and trying to control it;  

we lose it. And so, many of our actions seem  to emerge from beyond our conscious minds. 

The Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung realized that our  conscious mind is just a tiny part of the psyche.  

We could compare the conscious  mind to the tip of an iceberg,  

while the unconscious is the major part  of the iceberg that lies underwater,  

invisible to those above the  surface. Hence, according to Jung,  

the psyche generates many unconscious processes  that the conscious mind isn’t aware of. Similarly,  

Aldous Huxley distinguished between consciousness  and the personal conscious, saying that a relaxed  

personal conscious is required to let  the “wider self” come through. I quote:

The personal conscious self being a kind of  small island in the midst of an enormous area  

of consciousness — what has to  be relaxed is the personal self,  

the self that tries too hard, that thinks it  knows what is what, that uses language. This  

has to be relaxed in order that the multiple  powers at work within the deeper and wider self  

may come through and function as they should.  In all psychophysical skills we have this  

curious fact of the law of reversed effort:  the harder we try, the worse we do the thing.

End quote.

When someone asked author Charles Bukowski  how he writes and creates, he answered:

You don’t (...) You don’t try. That’s very  important: not to try, either for Cadillacs,  

creation or immortality. You wait, and if nothing  happens, you wait some more. It’s like a bug  

high on the wall. You wait for it to come to  you. When it gets close enough you reach out,  

slap out and kill it. Or if you like  its looks, you make a pet out of it.

End quote.

The more we try, the worse it gets. The more we  chase the people we desire, the more they run from  

us. The harder we try to sell something, the fewer  sales we tend to make. But if we don’t act at all,  

we won’t see any results either. So, we’re looking  for a middle path between action and non-action,  

between conscious effort and letting action occur. On the one hand, conscious effort seems necessary  

to develop our skills: we need to practice, learn,  think, understand and analyze. On the other hand,  

the absence of conscious effort and  intellectual activity seems necessary  

for letting the developed skills emerge  naturally. We have to calm the mind and  

“get out of our own way,” so to speak, to  perform optimally. As Aldous Huxley wrote:

Take the piano teacher, for example. He always  says, relax, relax. But how can you relax while  

your fingers are rushing over the keys? Yet  they have to relax. The singing teacher and  

the golf pro say exactly the same thing. And in  the realm of spiritual exercises, we find that  

the person who teaches mental prayer does too. We  have somehow to combine relaxation with activity.

End quote.

The flow state appears to accompany mental  clarity and equanimity, according to the  

accounts of people who experienced it. When  athletes, musicians, singers, Formula 1 drivers,  

and martial artists experience “being in the  zone,” they don’t ruminate, worry, analyze,  

intellectualize, or think about their next step:  they just flow along with the natural course,  

as if they’re the course itself. So,  paradoxically, optimal performance  

requires us to relax, stop trying, and let our  activities emerge and happen automatically.  

Or, as Lao Tzu stated: “Can you remain  tranquil until right action occurs by itself?”

Thank you for watching.