The Harder You Try, The Worse It Gets | Law of Reversed Effort

Summary

The video script explores the paradoxical concept of the 'law of reversed effort,' which suggests that in many situations, the harder we try to achieve something, the further we move away from the desired outcome. Using examples from sleep, attraction, and performance, it illustrates how forcing or obsessing over specific goals can lead to anticipatory anxiety and hinder progress. Instead, the key lies in combining relaxation with activity, letting go of conscious control, and allowing the unconscious mind to guide us into a state of effortless 'flow.' The script emphasizes the importance of striking a balance between conscious effort and non-action, developing skills while simultaneously allowing them to emerge naturally.

Takeaways

• 🐈 Trying too hard to get something often pushes it further away, but letting go and relaxing allows it to come naturally.
• 🕰️ The more we consciously try to achieve something, the harder it becomes; proficiency comes from combining relaxation with activity.
• 🌙 Things like sleep, attraction, and performance cannot be forced; trying too hard often backfires.
• 🧘 Paradoxical intention (wishing for what we're trying to avoid) can help overcome hyper-intention and anxiety.
• 🚗 Skills become effortless and automatic with practice, as the conscious mind gets 'out of the way'.
• 🌊 Our unconscious mind plays a major role; the conscious mind is just the 'tip of the iceberg'.
• 🦋 Creation emerges when we don't actively try, but let it happen naturally, like 'waiting for a bug on the wall'.
• ⚖️ Optimal performance requires a balance between conscious effort (for learning) and relaxation (for letting skills emerge).
• 🏎️ In a 'flow state', actions happen effortlessly, without conscious thought or analysis.
• ☯️ As Lao Tzu said, 'Can you remain tranquil until right action occurs by itself?' – embodying the principle of 'wu-wei'.

Q & A

What is the law of reversed effort?

The law of reversed effort, also called the 'backwards law', suggests that in many situations, putting in more effort or trying harder to achieve something can actually move us further away from the desired outcome. Instead, less effort or not trying can sometimes lead to better results.

How does the law of reversed effort apply to pursuing happiness?

According to Mark Manson, the more we want or chase happiness, the less happy we'll be, as we're reinforcing a sense of lack. However, if we accept our negative experiences and are content with how things are, we're more likely to find happiness.

What is the paradoxical intention method, and how can it help?

The paradoxical intention method, proposed by Viktor Frankl, involves wishing for or wanting the very thing we're trying to avoid or prevent from happening. This can help relieve the anxiety and hyper-fixation on specific outcomes, which often lead to the outcomes we're trying to avoid.

How does the law of reversed effort relate to the concept of 'wu-wei' or the flow state?

The law of reversed effort suggests that optimal performance and entering the flow state often require us to relax and let our actions emerge naturally, rather than trying too hard or consciously controlling every aspect. Excessive conscious effort can disrupt the flow state.

What is the role of the conscious mind in the law of reversed effort?

The conscious mind, while valuable for reasoning and analysis, can often hinder our ability to perform optimally or enter the flow state. The law of reversed effort suggests that we need to relax the conscious mind and let our unconscious processes and skills emerge more naturally.

How does the law of reversed effort apply to attraction or relationships?

The script suggests that, in general, being too clingy or chasing someone can make us less attractive, while being more elusive or detached can increase attraction. The more we chase or try to force attraction, the more it may move away from us.

Can you provide an example of how the law of reversed effort applies to learning a skill?

The script uses the example of learning to drive a car. Initially, it seems almost impossible to coordinate all the actions required, but with practice, we eventually catch ourselves doing these tasks automatically and effortlessly, without conscious effort.

What is the role of relaxation in the law of reversed effort?

Relaxation plays a crucial role in the law of reversed effort. The script suggests that we need to combine relaxation with activity or conscious effort to achieve optimal performance and let our skills emerge naturally.

How does the law of reversed effort relate to the concept of "the wider self" or the unconscious mind?

The script suggests that the law of reversed effort allows the "wider self" or unconscious mind to come through and function properly. Our conscious mind is just a small part of our psyche, and relaxing it can allow the unconscious processes and abilities to emerge.

Can you summarize the key message or advice offered in the script regarding the law of reversed effort?

The key message is that while conscious effort and practice are necessary for developing skills, optimal performance and achieving goals often require us to relax, let go of excessive effort or control, and allow our actions to emerge naturally from our unconscious abilities. We need to find a balance between effort and non-effort, action and non-action.