STEM and Me: My experiences with intersectionality and identity | Normandy Filcek | TEDxYorkSchool
Summary
TLDRThe speaker shares their personal journey of navigating their identity as a STEM enthusiast who also embraces femininity and other interests. They reflect on societal pressures and the internal conflict of balancing seemingly contradictory aspects of their identity, such as being passionate about science and technology while expressing traditionally 'girly' traits. Through self-discovery, therapy, and mindfulness techniques like dialectical thinking and radical acceptance, they learn to embrace their multifaceted identity. The speaker encourages the audience to celebrate their own contradictions and see the beauty in them, just as they have learned to do.
Takeaways
- 👗 The speaker has always been conscious of their fashion choices but struggles to find a style that reflects their multifaceted personality.
- 🧑🔬 They are passionate about STEM but find that their love for traditionally feminine clothing doesn’t align with practical work environments, such as robotics labs.
- 👩🔧 Mythbusters, especially Carrie Byron, served as a significant inspiration for the speaker’s interest in STEM from an early age.
- 📊 Gender disparity in STEM fields is highlighted, with only 35 women for every 100 STEM positions, affecting young girls' interest in math and science early on.
- 🧠 Middle school was a challenging period of self-discovery for the speaker, where they grappled with their identity as queer, neurodivergent, and dealing with mental health issues.
- 🌈 The speaker reflects on how media and societal portrayals of STEM often exclude women and other underrepresented groups, shaping perceptions that limit personal expression.
- 🤖 They share their struggle of trying to fit into the stereotypical STEM mold, feeling the need to downplay their femininity and personality to succeed in the field.
- 🧘♀️ Therapy taught the speaker two essential skills: dialectical thinking (accepting contradictory realities) and radical acceptance (acknowledging what is and isn’t within one’s control).
- 💪 The speaker encourages embracing all aspects of one’s identity, even when they seem contradictory, and celebrates the uniqueness that comes from these paradoxes.
- 🧩 The closing message is an invitation to reflect on seemingly contradictory parts of one’s identity and embrace how they enhance each other, advocating for self-acceptance and breaking societal expectations.
Q & A
What is the speaker's early relationship with fashion like?
-As a child, the speaker was allowed to dress themselves, which often resulted in outfits they now consider mismatched. However, as they grew older, they became more concerned about their style, wanting it to reflect their personality while still feeling insecure about how others perceive them.
Why does the speaker feel conflicted about their fashion choices in relation to their STEM career?
-The speaker loves wearing flowing dresses and floral patterns, but these outfits are impractical for working in STEM environments, such as robotics or chemistry labs. This creates a conflict between their feminine fashion sense and their practical needs in STEM.
Who was the speaker's role model in STEM growing up and why?
-The speaker's role model was Carrie Byron from 'Mythbusters.' They admired her for being a successful woman in STEM who conducted cool experiments, especially involving explosions. Carrie Byron stood out to the speaker because she was often the only female host on the show.
How does the speaker describe the representation of women in STEM?
-The speaker highlights that women are significantly underrepresented in STEM, with only 35 women for every 100 STEM positions. This gender disparity often starts in childhood, where girls are discouraged from math and science as early as second grade.
What challenges did the speaker face in middle school regarding their identity and interests?
-In middle school, the speaker struggled with their interest in STEM, their emerging queer identity, ADHD, depression, anxiety, and insomnia. These discoveries about themselves added complexity to an already difficult period of growing up, particularly during the pandemic.
How does the speaker compare themselves to Leonardo da Vinci?
-The speaker relates to Leonardo da Vinci's varied interests, procrastination, and brilliance, especially as he was an unconventional figure. However, they note a significant difference: da Vinci was celebrated for these traits as a man, while the speaker felt criticized for similar qualities as a woman.
What realization did the speaker come to regarding internalized misogyny?
-The speaker realized that societal expectations pressured them to suppress parts of their identity, such as their femininity, to fit into STEM. They recognized that this pressure was internalized, and they had to stop pushing themselves to conform to these narrow standards.
What two skills did the speaker's therapist teach them to combat internalized misogyny?
-The speaker's therapist taught them dialectical thinking and radical acceptance. Dialectical thinking allows the speaker to hold contradictory ideas simultaneously without invalidating them, while radical acceptance helps them acknowledge what they can and cannot control.
How does the speaker embrace their multifaceted identity?
-The speaker embraces their diverse identity by accepting that they can be both a STEM enthusiast and have traditionally feminine interests. They accept that all aspects of their identity, even those that seem contradictory, are valid and part of who they are.
What message does the speaker leave with the audience at the end of the speech?
-The speaker encourages the audience to reflect on two aspects of their identity that might seem contradictory and embrace the complexity within themselves. They emphasize the importance of accepting one's own paradoxical nature and celebrating the unique combination of traits that make each person who they are.
Outlines
👗 Childhood Fashion and Identity
The speaker reflects on their childhood experiences with fashion, humorously noting that they were given the freedom to dress themselves, with less-than-ideal results. Now, they emphasize their evolution in style, while still grappling with concerns about how others perceive them. They share that their wardrobe is eclectic, representing various aspects of their personality. However, their passion for STEM often conflicts with their love for traditionally feminine clothing, as practical needs like working in a lab or with machinery limit their fashion choices.
👩🔬 Passion for STEM and Early Influences
The speaker delves into their deep-rooted love for STEM, tracing it back to childhood influences such as the show *MythBusters*, particularly admiring host Kari Byron. Inspired by Byron’s intellect and experiments, the speaker pursued interests in programming, robotics, and math from a young age. Contrary to stereotypes of STEM prodigies, the speaker's journey was not linear, and they highlight the pressure they felt to fit a certain mold, particularly one that was overwhelmingly male.
👩🎓 Gender Disparities in STEM
The speaker addresses gender imbalances in STEM, illustrated through statistics that show the field is male-dominated. They reflect on how societal biases against girls and math emerge early, with many girls losing interest in STEM during middle school. The speaker candidly shares their struggles during this period, navigating their growing passion for STEM while also grappling with personal challenges such as queerness, ADHD, depression, and anxiety. These internal conflicts were exacerbated by the isolation and confusion of the global pandemic.
🖼️ Discovering Da Vinci and Self-Acceptance
The speaker draws inspiration from Leonardo da Vinci, an iconic Renaissance figure known for his wide-ranging talents and quirks. They saw similarities between themselves and Da Vinci, particularly in their tendency to take on diverse interests and leave projects unfinished. However, the speaker highlights the difference that gender makes, noting that while Da Vinci was celebrated for his eccentricities, they were often told to ‘tone it down.’ The speaker reflects on how societal expectations taught them to suppress their femininity and personality in order to succeed in STEM.
🧠 Overcoming Internalized Misogyny
The speaker recounts how growing up, they internalized the idea that to be successful in STEM, they had to apologize for being different—especially for being a girl. They discuss how supportive teachers and family shielded them from some of the blatant misogyny, but subtle instances of exclusion in male-dominated STEM environments still impacted them deeply. Over time, with the help of a therapist, the speaker learned two key skills: dialectical thinking and radical acceptance. These techniques helped them reconcile the contradictions in their identity and combat internalized misogyny.
🌈 Embracing Identity Paradoxes
The speaker embraces the paradoxes within their identity, such as being both interested in STEM and in ‘girly’ things, or being queer while enjoying traditionally feminine self-expression. They emphasize that these contradictions are natural and do not diminish their individuality. Through personal growth and therapy, they’ve learned to celebrate all aspects of their identity rather than suppress them. The speaker concludes by encouraging the audience to reflect on and embrace their own identity paradoxes, rejecting the notion that anyone should apologize for who they are.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡STEM
💡Misogyny
💡Radical Acceptance
💡Dialectical Thinking
💡Internalized Misogyny
💡Identity
💡Queer
💡Femininity
💡Role Models
💡Mental Health
Highlights
Childhood fashion struggles led to a complex adult fashion sense.
The desire to dress in a way that reflects one's personality is a lifelong pursuit.
A love for STEM and fashion does not have to be mutually exclusive.
The speaker's fashion sense was influenced by a need to be practical in a robotics and chemistry lab.
The importance of role models in STEM, exemplified by Kari Byron of Mythbusters.
Early engagement in STEM activities, such as math competitions and programming.
The realization that the media often portrays STEM enthusiasts in a narrow, gendered way.
Gender disparity in STEM fields starts as early as second grade.
Middle school is a critical time when many girls lose interest in STEM.
Personal struggles with identity during middle school, including discovering queerness and mental health issues.
The inspiration drawn from Leonardo da Vinci's multifaceted personality and work.
The internalized belief that certain traits, like femininity, need to be suppressed for success in STEM.
The experience of misogyny and the pressure to conform to gender norms in STEM communities.
The importance of dialectical thinking and radical acceptance in combating internalized misogyny.
The need to break down the boxes that society constructs around identity and personality.
An invitation to the audience to embrace the paradoxical beauty within themselves.
The call to celebrate the diversity within one's own identity.
Transcripts
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all right
as a child I was always allowed to dress
myself in the morning and as you can see
it went horribly from the start
nowadays I like to think I'm a better
stylist but I still have my issues I'm
the kind of person who worries a lot
about what I wear
not that I only wear name brand clothes
just that I can't help considering what
others will think of me
people do judge a book by its cover and
I'd like that cover to at least somewhat
reflect what the actual contents of my
personality are clearly as a
seven-year-old this is what I thought
that meant
the problem is I don't have one style
that really reflects my whole
personality so my closet is all over the
place with different looks
a lot of these clothes are very
conventionally feminine I love my long
flowing dresses and Floral Pattern
blouses
but I can't wear most of this on a daily
basis because unfortunately long flowing
skirts are a hazard when you're working
with gears and chains in robotics and I
don't want to spill bleach on my
favorite blouse in a chem lab
much to my dismay my fashion sense and
love of stem do not mesh neatly with one
another
stem has been a passion of mine for as
long as I can remember by a show of
hands how many of you have seen the show
Mythbusters
all right you all pass
that was my favorite show growing up and
I would watch it basically every day and
Carrie Byron in the center there was my
absolute favorite she's pretty with
Gorgeous red hair killer intellect and
most importantly conducted cool
experiments involving explosions
in retrospect I probably attached to her
because she was frequently the only
female host but regardless she was my
idol and I wanted to be just like
so I played with puzzles on
understanding basic mechanics I attended
coder Dojo at Hartnell College to learn
programming
I volunteered for a company that made
little programmable robots for kids when
I was still a kid myself that's what I
was holding in that first photo
I did math competitions for fun like I
would actually skip PE to sit in the
corner of a room and do more math
weird right
now I bet you're starting to get an idea
of what I was like that I was always
holed up inside tinkering on some
scientific kit
that I was fluent in Java by age 10 a
prodigy
that as soon as I fell in love with stem
I concerned myself with nothing else
from that day forth
that's how a lot of media portrays
people in stem and that's how I imagine
someone in stem for the longest time
in particular my idea was almost
exclusively overwhelmingly male
this isn't necessarily wrong given
gender statistics
as we can see from this infographic from
the stem woman organization there are
only 35 women for every 100 stem
positions
that's almost twice as many men
this disparity starts early research
shows that by second grade the kids are
forming negative associations between
girls and math
that means there are eight-year-old kids
out there who are already making these
associations
Middle School is one of the biggest
leaks in the stem pipeline where girls
lose the most interest
I was very close to being one of those
girls who lost in and well everything
once Middle School hit
it was an incredibly difficult time for
me as it was a time of great discovery
or in other words great confusion
I was discovering things about the world
and more distressingly about myself
for example I discovered that I wanted
to pursue a career in stem among the
slew of interests I held but I was also
discovering that I was queer
that I was incredibly affected by my
ADHD
that I suffered from chronic depression
and generalized anxiety all with a
dollop of insomnia on top
keep in mind this was a mountain of
internal searching diagnosis and
Discovery I ran into headlong in the
midst of a global pandemic
in middle school was when we had our
first block on the Renaissance and that
was when I really learned about Leonardo
da Vinci Beyond just the name
A man also incredibly all over the place
inventor engineer artist genius massive
procrastinator who frequently abandoned
projects right before finishing them
also fun fact a gay man
Da Vinci Renaissance Man The Sensational
intellect with a strong personality I
wanted to be that
and I was inspired that the quirks of
this great historical figure quirks I
saw in myself never hindered his career
but there's one gram difference between
Da Vinci and me
he was a man and I am very much not
and because of this simple difference
all of the traits Da Vinci flourished
for transformed curiously into things
the world said were wrong with me
some things were told to me outright
that I needed to focus more or tone it
down a little
but other things no one had to tell me
because I taught myself through
observation
through what I saw in the world on TV or
what I read in books
from the few female role models I saw
and connected with I learned that if I
wanted to make it to prove myself to the
world of stem I had to throw everything
else out
including my femininity and my
personality
again no one had to tell me this because
I absorbed the knowledge simply by
existing in the world
I don't doubt that many many other girls
have come to the same conclusion based
off the way media portrays the stem
field and women in stem
that you need to work twice as hard to
adopt for being a girl or that you need
to apologize for this difference you
were born with
the world loves to tell people Everyone
that there are aspects of your identity
that despite being inherent and
unchangeable you will spend your whole
life apologizing for
because of how supportive my family and
teachers were growing up it wasn't until
I was older coming out of the pandemic
that I began to really notice the daily
moments of misogyny and the world around
me
I was crushed
I was shocked
I was ashamed
and then I was shocked that I felt
ashamed
I wasn't the wrong other people were
making assumptions about me that I
needed an explanation for something I
already knew or that I wouldn't care
about the things they encouraged my male
classmates to do
once I noticed the blatant I became more
in tune with the subtle
in the small stem communities I did have
access to were largely male and in that
way largely unaccepting of anyone else
it was an unspoken rule but I felt it in
the friend groups and conversations like
somehow my inability to make smart talk
about sports or cars made me unfit to be
in stem
regardless I persisted
and as I processed these events and
processed my reactions to them I came to
a realization
there will always be people who exclude
against or judge us for aspects of our
identity that we can't change
and they are the ones in the wrong
but it was me myself my own brain that
was responsible for the way I
internalized their reactions
more than anyone else I was the one
pushing myself to fit into the small box
of what I thought was correct
okay I say I came to this realization
but it was really with the help of my
therapist and in response she armed me
with two of them important and in my
opinion most difficult to master skills
first dialectical thinking and second
radical acceptance
dialectical thinking is the ability to
acknowledge all sides of a scenario and
allow contradicting ideas facts or
realities to exist without one
invalidating another and without trying
to find some blurry Middle Ground
radical acceptance is the ability to
come to terms with the extremes of a
situation by acknowledging what you do
or do not have control over
these two mindfulness techniques go hand
in hand
dialectical thinking says you can have a
million different feelings in response
to something all at once and radical
acceptance says that all of them are
okay
now why was my therapist bringing this
up when I was talking about internalized
misogyny
because this is how it would combat it
by saying yes
yes I like math engineering and physics
and I have other girly interests yes I'm
queer and I still like to present myself
in ways that are typically feminine
yes I value my liveliness and love of
learning as core aspects of my identity
even when I'm too depressed to engage
with them
I can give myself permission to be a
million different things and acknowledge
that I am still one single beautiful
unique person
the world will at one point or another
try to tell everyone that there is
something about themselves that they
should apologize for
that should make them feel ashamed
that there are aspects of your identity
that don't fit together and it's your
responsibility to make yourself more
palatable
when it's just one thing it feels easy
to turn around into something excusable
within the context of a larger
personality but when it feels like
everything you've built yourself on
defies what is expected of you any sense
of personal security is shaky at best
it is a terrifyingly thin line between
apologizing for being a girl
for being gay for being this ethnicity
or having that disability and then
having to apologize just for being alive
why are some of us told we are too much
is it fair to limit someone to one side
of a whole personality
did anyone tell Leonardo da Vinci he
needed to tone it down a little
if they did I'm sure they feel silly now
seeing how we Revere him and all his
variety
the boxes we put ourselves in are made
of cardboard not set in stone
they can be and should be broken down
it is difficult to deconstruct the shame
we direct onto ourselves
difficult to master radical acceptance
of the radically different people within
one person
but the first step to being able to
recognize the paradoxical Beauty in the
world and in others is to be able to
celebrate it within ourselves
and so tonight I invite you to think
about two aspects of your identity that
don't seem to fit together
or that might contradict each other a
bit
hold them next to each other
and see the ways they interact
consider how the contrast between these
two aspects interests or labels enhance
one another
now this Paradox you hold within
yourself
embrace it
thank you
[Music]
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