The Science Of Catching Up In Life
Summary
TLDRThis video script addresses the common concern that it's too late to catch up in life, offering scientific evidence that supports the possibility of catch-up growth. It discusses biological and psychological principles, such as attachment and behavioral catch-up, to argue that humans are designed to recover from developmental delays. The script provides practical advice on seeking minimal but strategic help, changing one's environment, and overcoming mental barriers like shame and ego-based statements that hinder progress. It emphasizes that by challenging these internal narratives and taking action, individuals can indeed catch up and thrive.
Takeaways
- 🌟 It's never too late to catch up in life, and the belief that early starters have an insurmountable advantage is not entirely true.
- 🚀 Evidence shows that biologically, humans have the capacity for catch-up growth, similar to infants who can recover from stunted growth after receiving proper nutrition.
- 🔄 The concept of 'attachment and behavioral catch-up' (ABCs) suggests that it's possible to develop healthy relationships and confidence even after a troubled childhood.
- 💪 The science of growth is often about pushing through the most difficult part of any endeavor, where the majority of growth occurs.
- 🤝 A small amount of help can be crucial for success, especially during the most challenging phase of catching up, rather than needing constant support.
- 🏋️♂️ The analogy of working out illustrates that the intensity and effort put in the last part of an exercise contributes most to growth, which can be applied to personal development.
- 👥 Changing one's social environment is vital for personal growth, as the company we keep influences our behaviors and attitudes.
- 🏠 Altering one's physical environment can trigger a shift in mindset and promote a more productive lifestyle.
- 🧠 Our minds can sabotage our efforts to catch up through emotions and ego-based statements that discourage action.
- 🔮 Recognizing and challenging these self-limiting beliefs is essential to break free from the cycle of self-sabotage and start making progress.
- 🛑 Understanding that who we are is defined by our actions, not our self-perception, allows us to take control of our lives and catch up effectively.
Q & A
What is the main topic of the video script discussing?
-The main topic of the video script is the science of how to catch up in life, addressing the concerns of those who feel they have started late or missed opportunities and exploring the evidence and strategies for personal growth and recovery.
What is the concept of 'catch-up growth' as mentioned in the script?
-Catch-up growth refers to the biological and physiological ability to recover and make up for lost time in growth or development, as observed in infants who, despite missing out on nutrition during critical periods, can still reach normal size if properly nourished after the critical period.
How does the script relate the concept of catch-up growth to human relationships and confidence?
-The script introduces the concept of 'Attachment and Behavioral Catch-up' (ABCs), which is about forming relationships and developing confidence. It suggests that just as with physical growth, there are ways to catch up in forming secure attachments and relationships, which are crucial for personal and social development.
What is the role of effort in the process of catching up, according to the script?
-The script emphasizes that the most significant growth happens during the last 10 to 20 percent of effort, suggesting that pushing oneself to the limit during this final phase is crucial for making progress and catching up.
Why does the script suggest that people who have fallen behind may not believe in the possibility of catching up?
-The script suggests that people who have fallen behind may not believe in catching up because their minds are sabotaged by emotions and ego-based beliefs that create self-fulfilling prophecies, leading them to avoid attempts that could result in failure.
What is the significance of changing one's environment in the process of catching up?
-Changing one's environment is significant because it can influence behavior and thinking patterns. The script suggests that being around different people or in different settings can encourage new behaviors and break the cycle of old habits that may have contributed to falling behind.
How does the script address the issue of needing help to catch up?
-The script clarifies that while help is necessary, it doesn't need to be extensive or constant. It suggests that a small amount of help, such as coaching or therapy once a week, can provide the necessary support during the most challenging parts of the journey.
What are some of the emotional barriers that the script identifies as sabotaging efforts to catch up?
-The script identifies emotions such as shame and fear of failure as barriers that sabotage efforts to catch up. These emotions can lead to a cycle of avoiding attempts that might result in failure, thus preventing progress.
How does the script differentiate between logical and emotional thoughts when it comes to catching up?
-The script differentiates by noting that if all logical thoughts lead to the same conclusion (not to take action), they are likely driven by emotions rather than true logic. It suggests that recognizing this pattern can help individuals understand when their emotions are controlling their decision-making.
What is the role of 'I statements' in the script's discussion on self-sabotage?
-The script discusses 'I statements' as ego-based beliefs about oneself that can become self-fulfilling prophecies, shaping actions and future outcomes. These statements can prevent individuals from taking steps to catch up by reinforcing a fixed identity that doesn't align with their potential for growth.
How does the script suggest overcoming the mental barriers to catching up?
-The script suggests overcoming mental barriers by recognizing the role of emotions and ego in shaping thoughts and actions. It encourages individuals to challenge these thoughts, seek help when needed, and take actions that contradict their limiting beliefs to break the cycle of self-sabotage.
Outlines
🌱 Overcoming Late Starts: The Science of Catching Up
The video script addresses the common concern that it's too late to start or catch up in life. It challenges the belief that early starters have an insurmountable advantage, and introduces the concept of 'catch-up growth' in both physical and psychological domains. The speaker, presumably Dr. K, promises to provide evidence that people can indeed catch up, and then teach the science behind it. The script also mentions an immersive resource by Dr. K for mental health improvement.
🏋️♂️ The Analogy of Physical Growth and Catch-Up
This paragraph uses the analogy of weightlifting to explain the concept of catch-up growth. It suggests that significant growth occurs during the most challenging part of an exercise, paralleling the idea that substantial life progress happens when pushing through difficulties. The script emphasizes the importance of optimizing effort during the last 10-20 percent of any endeavor and highlights the misconception that extensive help is needed to catch up in life.
🤝 Changing Environments to Facilitate Catch-Up
The speaker discusses the importance of changing one's social and physical environment to facilitate catch-up growth. It suggests that the company one keeps influences behavior and that changing this social circle can lead to positive change. Practical advice is given on how to expand one's social circle, such as attending networking events and using open-ended questions to engage with new people. Additionally, altering one's physical environment, like working from a different desk, can signal a cognitive shift necessary for growth.
💡 The Mind's Saboteurs: Emotions and Ego Statements
This section delves into the psychological barriers that prevent individuals from catching up, such as emotions and ego-based statements. The script explains how emotions can control logical thinking, leading to a cycle of self-sabotage. It also addresses the issue of self-identity shaped by negative beliefs, which can create self-fulfilling prophecies. The speaker encourages recognizing these patterns and taking actions in spite of them to break the cycle and facilitate personal growth.
🛑 Breaking Free from Self-Limiting Beliefs
The final paragraph emphasizes the importance of recognizing and overcoming self-limiting beliefs and emotions that hinder progress. It stresses that actions, not identities, define who we are and that by taking actions contrary to our fears and ego, we can change our self-perception and achieve growth. The speaker shares personal anecdotes to illustrate the point and encourages viewers to challenge their minds' attempts to convince them that catching up is not possible.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Catch-up growth
💡Attachment Theory
💡Behavioral catch-up
💡Critical periods
💡Mental health journey
💡Self-sabotage
💡Ego-based statements
💡Emotional control
💡Social environment
💡Physical environment
💡Self-belief
Highlights
The video discusses the science of catching up in life, debunking the myth that it's too late to start or catch up.
It provides evidence that individuals can catch up in life, contrary to common beliefs about being behind.
The concept of 'catch-up growth' is introduced, drawing parallels from child development to life success.
Biological evidence supports the idea that our bodies and minds are designed to recover from developmental gaps.
The importance of relationships and 'attachment and behavioral catch-up' (ABCs) in personal development is highlighted.
The video explains how secure environments contribute to confidence and the ability to form meaningful relationships.
The science of growth is analogized to working out, emphasizing the importance of pushing through the most challenging part for maximum benefit.
The video suggests that a small amount of help at the right time can significantly contribute to catching up in life.
It argues against the misconception that catching up requires extensive help or support throughout the entire journey.
The role of environment in shaping behavior and the necessity of changing one's social and physical environment for growth is discussed.
Simple techniques for expanding one's social circle and the importance of engaging in new social environments are provided.
The video addresses the mental barriers that prevent individuals from catching up, such as self-sabotaging thoughts and emotions.
It explains how emotions can control logical thinking, leading to a cycle of self-imposed limitations.
The concept of 'I statements' and their impact on self-identity and behavior, potentially creating self-fulfilling prophecies, is explored.
The video encourages recognizing and challenging ego-based beliefs that may hinder progress.
It concludes by emphasizing that actions, not ego identity, define who we are and that changing actions can alter our identity.
The importance of understanding and overcoming mental sabotage to achieve personal growth and catch up in life is reinforced.
Transcripts
today we're going to talk about the
science of how to catch up in life
and you may be one of these people
that's kind of wondering is it too late
for me to start or you're thinking like
oh my God I should have started a long
time ago there's no way I'll catch up
and you sort of recognize that people in
life Who start early are the ones that
get ahead right because it's like
getting a like 4.0 in high school lets
you get into a good college if you get
into a good college then you do well
there and then you can sort of get into
a good grad school or you can get a good
job and then if you're like working at a
prestigious company or you go to a fancy
like medical school like Harvard Oriel
then you'll sort of get more advantages
and then you get better training and
sort of we kind of feel like if you miss
the boat at some point you're sort of
screwed if you're ready to take the next
step on your mental health Journey check
out Dr K's guide it's an immersive
resource that distills over 20 years of
my experience laid out in a way that is
tailored to your needs so if you're
ready to better understand your mind and
take control of it check out the link in
the description below so this is a video
about how that is absolutely not true
and we're going to start by giving you
evidence that you can absolutely catch
up and then chances are what's going to
happen is you're not going to believe me
which is totally fine
then what we're going to do is we're
going to teach you the science of how to
catch up and we're going to sort of
explore the science of growth and how
human beings actually grow we're going
to lay it out for you really good and at
that point you still may not believe me
and then we're going to get to the best
part of the video which is how the mind
sabotages your ability to catch up and
I've worked with a ton of people as a
psychiatrist who are behind in life
These are d-gen Gamers these are people
like who are alcoholics and they've
fallen so far behind that they think
that they can't catch up but it turns
out that the one thing that gets in the
way more than anything else is
themselves
so let's dive in let's start with sort
of the science of catching up okay
so we're going to start by looking at
things called something called catch-up
growth so if you take infants between
the ages of six months and two years and
they sort of miss out on nutrition
it turns out that they're kind of like
small right so they're kind of their
growth is stunted but if you start
feeding them normally after two years if
they miss this critical period of growth
it turns out that they actually
completely catch up to normal and they
can actually be a completely normal size
so we sort of know that biologically
catching up on growth is actually built
into our genetic structure and our
physiology and if you sort of think
about this this makes evolutionary sense
right let's say that I'm like a monkey
and then there's a period of like
drought and so I sort of Miss like a one
year of like eating really good and so
I'm smaller than all the other monkeys
but then evolutionarily like as soon as
I get food it is an advantage for my
body to learn how to catch up for lost
with lost time right so I want to still
continue to grow so that I can fight and
mate and all that kind of good stuff so
the moment that I get food my body is
actually going to be more optimized to
absorb those nutrients and catch up
but if you're someone who's fallen
behind you're going to say something
like oh but Dr K that may be true but
that's the body like the body is
different and the mind is different Dr K
it doesn't work for the Mind turns out
that that is false it absolutely works
for the mind so there's another area of
research called attachment and
behavioral catch-up right which is kind
of weird it's called the ABCs and what
attachment and behavioral catch-up is
about is about the formation of
relationships so we also know is that
there are critical periods in our
development where we form relationships
if y'all are kind of familiar with
attachment Theory it sort of helps us be
secure in the world if we're kind of
like if we grow up in a secure
environment where we feel safe it leads
to our confidence as we become confident
we can trust other human beings as we
can trust other human beings we can
connect with them we can sort of apply
for job interviews and we can believe in
ourselves and like all that other good
crap there's so much stuff that comes
down to our core relationships
and so what people may think is that
okay but like what if I had a screwed up
childhood on like I'm behind I don't
know how to make friends I don't believe
in myself well that's what's so cool
about the the research behind ABC or
attachment and behavioral catch-up is we
actually know that there are ways that
you can catch up in all of that stuff
too you can develop confidence in
yourself you can start to feel safe in
the world and you can develop like
lasting and meaningful and impactful
relationships instead of just being you
know a bundle of anxiety all day long
and so we actually have research on the
outcomes of the ABCs which work well
so we have good evidence that catch up
is actually baked into our genes our
physiology and even our neurochemistry
that evolutionarily the body and brain
are designed to catch up after a period
of like you know things not working well
or things not being ideal
so the next thing that we're going to
get into is how what do we know about
the science of growth in the science of
ketchup we're going to start with a
really simple analogy of like working
out okay so let's say that I'm doing
bench pressing right because like I'm
going to be a chair Dr Gay like let's
get big man let's Get Swole so if we're
gonna do that let's say I bench press
and I do 10 reps so what is our
experience of like what do we know about
the science of like where the growth
happens the first five reps I get very
little growth next three reps I get a
little bit of growth it's really during
the last two reps when the strain is the
highest that I actually get the most
um kind of growth and stress on the
muscle fiber and as I stress that muscle
fiber for the last two reps that's
actually what's responsible for the most
growth so if you kind of think about
even people who work out let's kind of
think about that for a second right so
if there's someone who works out for 30
years and someone who works out for
three years is the person who works out
for 30 years going to be necessarily
more swole or in shape than the person
who's been working out for three years
and the answer is absolutely not what
determines which one of those people is
actually in better shape it has to do
with the way that they work out right so
if someone does eight reps for 30 years
they will not be as physically strong as
someone who does 10 Reps for three years
because it's in that last window of time
that we actually see the most growth and
when I worked with people who are behind
what we essentially optimize for is that
last 10 to 20 percent of effort where
the real growth happens and the big
problem with people who kind of struggle
with catching up in life is that they'll
kind of half ass it right so you'll do
like five reps you'll do six reps but
you won't actually push yourself
like completely to the Limit and there's
a good reason for that and that's
because if you really look at the last
two reps those are the hardest to do so
what do we know about the science of
growth in the science of catching up
that you need a small amount of help to
make it successful
now this is where immediately half the
people that I've worked with or more
than half of the people that I've worked
with have a reaction to that they say oh
my God Dr K you're saying I can't catch
up without help and what they
automatically start doing and you may be
doing this as well is they start
thinking like oh my God I have fallen so
far behind I'm going to need so much
help to catch up right it's not fair for
someone I'm 10 years behind is someone
supposed to help me like redo those 10
years the answer is absolutely not you
do not need help for the whole journey
you just need help for 10 to 20 percent
of the journey so let's go back to our
working out analogy and think about this
right so when I have a workout buddy
what does the workout buddy help me with
they don't help me with the first five
reps they don't help me necessarily with
the next three reps they help me usually
with their last rep and that's really
all we need help for so what we sort of
know from people who are like trying to
catch up in life if you look at people
who are like alcoholics or you look at
something like psychotherapy be so if
I'm working with a d gen gamer how much
of my help do they actually need they
don't need me to help them like 24 hours
a day they don't even need me to help
them 16 hours a day they don't even need
me to help them every day all they need
is one hour of support either coaching
or Psychotherapy once a week and that's
that tiny amount that really leads to
that like exponential growth
so if you're struggling to catch up in
life one of the things that you really
need to do is is get some help but you
don't need that help to help you with
the whole journey you can still do most
of it on your own it's in those little
moments where you feel like you can't do
what you need to do that I strongly
encourage you to ask for help so that
can be something as simple as working
with a coach or a psychotherapist for
once a week it can be finding a workout
buddy to try to help you like work out a
little bit it can be recruiting a friend
to help you like cook twice a week right
or teach you how to cook you need
actually a very small amount of effort
or help to actually get you into that
maximal growth phase okay so that's the
first thing to understand
second thing you need to understand
about the science of catching up is if
you want to catch up you've got to
change your environment some so we sort
of know about the science of addiction
is when people have a particular friend
group
those people that friend group will lead
to particular behaviors okay so if I
have friends that
I don't know like drink all the time and
I hang out with them it'll make it
easier for me to drink all the time if I
have friends who are potheads or Gamers
and those are the people that I hang out
with on Discord or IRL that's the
behavior that I'm going to end up
engaging in so generally speaking if you
fall behind in life chances are the
reason you fell behind is because you
were with other people who are generally
keeping you behind so that can even be
things like parents or siblings who are
a little bit abusive or don't like
support you in the way that you need or
it can be a friend group of like fellow
degenerates and I was one right like so
the thing that we love as degenerates is
when like everyone else is degenerate
with us because if everyone else is like
out there living their life then I'm
going to feel really bad about myself so
I actually end up avoiding those people
that make me feel bad about myself and I
join my tribe which is the degenerates
and we're all going to be degenerates
together we're going to be
anti-capitalism anti-work anti the man
anti everything and we're gonna sit here
we're gonna smoke our pot and we're
gonna play our games or we're gonna be
it's gonna be great I'm not saying that
capitalism isn't bad in some ways but
what I'm encouraging you to think a
little bit about The Company You Keep
and what we know from like the science
of things like addiction recovery is
that changing your company is really
important
now the question is okay how do I do
that Dr K how do I just change my
company so I'm going to teach all a
couple of really simple techniques okay
so here is how you expand your Social
Circle
you go to a place where hopefully it's
not the same people that you know so you
can go to like a networking event you
can go to a party you can go to a
meet-up you can go to like you know
everything like an escape room like just
find a group of people it doesn't really
matter and you've got opportunities just
go there and then you're like but I
don't know anyone so I'm going to teach
all a really simple way to talk to
people so that you can join people it's
really simple so you can walk up to
people like let's say you're at a
conference or party you can say hi so
look at them make eye contact smile okay
so you want to go like this actually you
don't want to go like that's
weird if you're like look here I am
don't do that don't do the hand emotions
okay just look at them in the smile like
so nod and make eye contact and then
they know you're coming over this Dodges
the problem that a lot of people who
struggle with social activity struggle
with which is like how do you insert
yourself into the conversation you walk
up to a crowd of people they're just
standing there and then you're like just
standing there awkwardly you're not
participating in anything you're not
like saying anything you can't get a
word in so like how do you avoid that
you make eye contact with someone in the
group and you smile at them you nod or
something like that and then you walk
over so this person now knows that you
are coming in okay
next thing that you you can do is you
can just say hi my name is alok I'm
looking to expand my Social Circle or
get into new things
it's nice to meet you that's it because
a lot of times we wonder okay what's my
excuse for like entering into a group of
people I need some kind of reason do I
need to explain to them that I have no
friends and I'm social up no you can
just say hi my name is Alex I'm looking
to learn more about whatever this is or
I'm looking to expand my Social Circle
it's a pleasure to meet you and then you
shake hands with everybody now you're a
part of the conversation okay that's
simple so then the other thing that you
can do is once you're part of the
conversation you can just ask people
open-ended questions about whatever
they're talking about but you want to
ask like one to two questions and then
like let other people ask questions as
well so you don't want to hammer them
with question after question after
question but if people are talking about
I don't know they're talking about their
favorite place to go scuba diving you
can say oh that's really awesome can you
help me understand like how you got into
scuba diving so you can just ask an
open-ended question about whatever
they're talking about and then you'll be
totally fine okay so that's how to
insert yourself into a group of people
so this is what we need to do we need to
change our social environment because
the social environment will inform our
Behavior the second thing that we need
to do to catch up is to change our
physical environment so when I was
trying to put my life together I
actually had two desks
and one of them I picked up on the
street and I was poor and stuff so I had
one laptop I had an I have space for two
computers but what I would do is I take
the same laptop that I would game with
I'd log out of the laptop I'd move over
to my other desk and I would stick the
laptop there and I'd log into my work
login
even that kind of cognitive shift or
that environment shift will shape the
way that your brain thinks so if you can
go to a library if you can go to a
coffee shop if you can even just log out
of your computer and switch to a
different space like taking your laptop
to a couch
whatever you can do to shift your
environment will shift your thinking
okay so get a little bit of help it's
okay to ask for help by the way and
y'all may be wondering like hey like how
do I ask for help it depends on what
you're trying to catch up with so if
you're trying to catch up with
socializing you can walk up to people
you can say hey I'm looking to expand my
Social Circle you know are you all down
to I've learned to love more I'd love to
learn more about what y'all are talking
about and then at the end of the
conversation you can be like hey it was
like really cool hanging out with y'all
are y'all down to hang out sometime just
ask right the worst that they can say is
no and that's okay so you want to expand
your Social Circle you need some amount
of help whether that's a psychiatrist
therapist coach friend workout buddy
whatever get some kind of help change
your Social Circle and change your
environment
so now if you've gotten this far
you may be wondering a little bit about
okay Dr K like this sounds great but
like I still don't think it'll work for
me right you make it sound so easy
there's no way brah you don't understand
Dr K like I'm 15 years behind in life
there's no way that walking up to a
group of people and telling them hey I
want to expand my Social Circle is going
to make up for all the crap that I'm
behind on
you are absolutely correct and this is
where we get to how the mind sabotages
you when you try to catch up
there are two things that sabotage us
when we try to catch up and this is the
real reason that people don't catch up
it's because there's like tons of data
right and like I'm a psychiatrist that
trained at Harvard and I was faculty
there I know what I'm talking about but
what is your mind telling you right now
it's not going to work for me that's not
how it works we have evidence from
physiology and nutrition we have
evidence about attachment Theory and
confidence we even have like a nice plan
that's been laid out it's not everything
right won't get you 100 of the way there
but those are that's where to start but
what is your mind doing your mind is
saying no it's not going to work or that
won't work for this reason because now
we need to understand what really
sabotages us when we need to catch up
two things
the first thing that sabotages us are
our emotions
so when you try to catch up in life your
mind will give you reasons to not catch
up right so it'll say don't go to that
party no one will like you or it won't
be enough these are really Classics that
I've worked with tons of people who are
behind it won't be enough it won't be
enough and if you've been thinking that
pay attention okay it won't be enough
it's not going to work it'll work for
other people which we'll get to
so now if we pay attention to what's
happening in your mind what is the
direction of all of these thoughts the
direction of all of these thoughts is to
not do it okay now this is what we have
to understand about the mind the Mind
may present you with things that seem
logical but generally speaking if you're
behind in life chances are your emotions
are controlling you the biggest
misunderstanding in our society today is
that even if we're logical our logical
circuitry in the brain is literally
controlled by our emotions our emotions
have a controller where they're hitting
buttons and they're controlling our
logic and this is why when someone is
behaving when someone is emotional you
can argue with them as much as you want
to but they will keep on coming up with
reasons to logically disagree with you
you can see this in political arguments
you can see it with arguments with
idiots on the internet it doesn't matter
how logical you are they have plenty of
logic to refute your logic and this is
the real problem where people get
tripped up is because when you have a
lot logical reason to not do something
what do you try to fix you try to fix
that reason right you try to solve that
problem okay how can I go there and make
it worthwhile how can I be sure that
this will work because it'll be a waste
of time and then I'll be further behind
so I can't afford to do this sounding
familiar but what is the direction of
all of these thoughts these direction of
all of these thoughts is to not get you
to do something
and that's how you know that it's
emotional in nature because if it's
truly logical any logical thought should
end up you know they shouldn't all end
up in the same place when our emotions
control our thoughts the direction of
all of the thoughts leads to the same
place and that's how you know that
you're not even thinking logically
so what do we do about this first of all
just acknowledge that there's some
emotion here and try to decompress that
emotion as best as you can you can do
everything from meditation to
psychotherapy to even noticing that wow
no matter what I do my mind is giving me
reasons to not try and once you notice
that what you'll sort of discover is
that shame is behind this and why does
shame get people to stop doing stuff so
this is important to understand why does
your mind even do this in the first
place
so if we think about shame
if you are ashamed of yourself because
you're behind you don't believe in
yourself okay if you don't believe in
yourself your mind calculates your
attempts as failure so like your mind is
thinking okay we're pathetic we're
behind you need to be ahead to get ahead
in life right and we miss that boat so
we're screwed so if we try we are
destined to fail if we're destined to
fail then that hurts right because we're
going to put forth all this effort and
we're not going to get anything from it
that sounds like a bad deal imagine I
came up to you and I said boy do I have
an opportunity for you you can give me
ten thousand dollars and you're gonna
get all for it right I'm launching
my new crypto coin and you can buy it
today for 10 grand and you will get one
HG Dr K coin and the HG Dr K coin will
give you nothing in return would you
ever take that no of course not right I
guess we're going to start our own
cryptocurrency now and this is what your
mind is thinking if you are ashamed of
yourself and if you don't believe in
yourself it believes that all efforts
will lead to failure and if all efforts
lead to failure it is going to try to
convince you to not buy that
cryptocurrency it is going to do
everything within its power to protect
you from that failure which is precisely
why it tries to sabotage your attempts
to move forward
the second thing that the Mind does you
have to watch out for I statements so
this is also something that's very
important to understand
so if I'm behind in life I start to form
opinions of who I am and if you're
listening to this talk and you're saying
I can't do this Dr K the people that you
worked with are different or the reason
they were able to catch up is because
they worked with you right your mind is
going to generate all kinds of
statements about how other people are
different but I can't do this and it's
also going to generate lots of logic
right I didn't have those opportunities
I'm not as tall I'm not as attractive
I'm not as wealthy I'm not as smart I'm
not as as disciplined I'm not as lucky
I'm not
all kinds of things and so here's the
really weird thing when you start to
believe something about yourself it
starts to shape what you choose to do or
not do so if I say something like okay I
am socially anxious I am socially
awkward that belief in myself is going
to prevent me from engaging in whatever
that activity is so I'm not going to go
to parties because I'm so socially
anxious
and so the beliefs that you have about
yourself start to shape your actions and
determine your future and what always
happens with the beliefs that you have
about yourself is they become
self-fulfilling prophecies so if I
believe I'm socially awkward and I have
all this evidence by the way Dr K it's
not you know the reason you're saying
that is because like bro you don't know
me you don't know how socially awkward I
am I'm absolutely socially awkward Okay
cool so you're socially awkward so then
what so you're not going to go to a
party if you're not going to go to a
party then what you're going to your
social skills will atrophy and then what
and then you will become socially
awkward it's a vicious cycle in the
wrong direction
the key thing to understand is these are
all ego based statements they're
statements of I am
and this may sound weird but all that
crap is BS because who you are is
determined by your actions right the
reason you're socially awkward is
because you don't go to parties and then
your social skills atrophy what happens
if you force yourself to go to a party
it's gonna be painful but then you will
start to accumulate social skills as you
start to accumulate social skills your
identity of being socially awkward will
start to decrease and what I've seen
with tons of people and myself as well
is then your identity will change into
I'm someone who used to be socially
awkward and I'm telling you that as
someone who used to be socially awkward
I was on The Struggle Bus with that a
while ago but now I've gotten better and
this is the really devastating thing
about catching up is once we start
making these ego-based statements and
letting them control what we do that is
what we become
because just think about it right so if
I'm afraid of heights it prevents me
from climbing a mountain versus I
acknowledge hey I'm afraid of heights
but I'm not going to let it control me
I'm going to climb a mountain anyway how
do I feel once I've climbed the mountain
am I still afraid of heights yeah but I
did it anyway and once you start doing
that something revolutionary will happen
who you are no longer dictates what you
do
and as who you are and your emotions no
longer dictate what you do
this is when you will start catching up
this is the key thing what keeps people
stuck for 15 years is that they they
sabotage their efforts because their
sense of ego identity and emotions get
in the way of them even making progress
that's the real problem it's not that
catching up is actually hard to do or it
may be hard but we know from all these
studies about growth and like you know
muscle development and stuff like that
that you can absolutely catch up I've
done it I started med school at the age
of 28 and here I am today like I started
you know late in life
and you can absolutely do it but what
really gets in the way is the way that
your mind tells you it's a waste of time
it's hopeless it's not enough this is
not who you are since you are this way
you cannot do this thing but the beauty
beautiful thing is that once you crack
that once you really realize that start
doing the things that are in the
opposite direction of what your mind
tells you notice that all of the logic
in my mind is leading to one conclusion
my mind is actually trying to convince
you why is your mind using logic it's
trying to convince you it recognizes
that this may not be true but if it
convinces you it protects you from pain
but leaves you stuck
so if you want to catch up in life
understand this principle of growth and
that the last 10 to 20 percent of effort
is actually where most of the growth
happens try to get a little bit of help
you don't need a ton of help and by the
way now that we've sort of understood
these emotions in this ego we can also
see that even the way that you react to
me telling you you need help oh you see
those reactions the reaction is like no
no no no no no it's too much no one's
going to be able to help me it won't
work you see that
get a little bit of help change your
environment change your Social Circle
and most importantly pay attention to
the way that your mind sabotages you and
if you can do these things you will
absolutely catch up foreign
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