It’s Reigning Men: Gender Roles and How They Hurt You | Lilia Fromm | TEDxLincoln

Summary

In this TEDx talk, the speaker reflects on societal norms of masculinity and femininity, using her uncle Eddy as an example of breaking gender stereotypes. She shares personal experiences, including her struggles with the pressure of conforming to these norms, particularly in her achievement of becoming first chair in a male-dominated symphony group. The talk highlights the concept of hegemonic masculinity, its negative impacts on both men and women, and encourages the acceptance of a broader spectrum of gender expressions beyond rigid stereotypes.

Takeaways

• 💪 The speaker admires their uncle Eddy for defying traditional masculinity and embracing both masculine and feminine qualities.
• 👗 The speaker reflects on how masculinity is often rigidly defined, while femininity is seen as more flexible.
• 🧠 Gender traits are learned and not inherently opposite, as shown by research from psychologist Monica Biernat.
• 🌈 Masculinity and femininity should not be confined by societal norms, as everyone possesses both qualities.
• 😔 The concept of hegemonic masculinity enforces male dominance, often leading to issues like homophobia and misogyny.
• ⚔️ Masculinity is linked with societal expectations of heterosexuality and dominance, causing harm and limiting personal potential.
• 🎶 The speaker shares a personal story of feeling guilty for excelling in a male-dominated space due to ingrained ideas of male superiority.
• 👩‍💻 Gendered expectations continue to create double standards, where men are admired for behaviors women are criticized for.
• 🌍 Cultural, regional, and religious beliefs shape different forms of masculinity and femininity, highlighting the diversity of gender expression.
• 💡 The speaker encourages breaking down rigid gender stereotypes and embracing a spectrum of identity, allowing everyone to express their full range of traits.

Q & A

Who is Uncle Eddy and how does he defy traditional gender norms?

Uncle Eddy is the speaker's uncle, who grew up in Oregon and resembles a lumberjack in appearance. However, he defies traditional masculine stereotypes by embracing feminine traits, such as wearing large rings, earrings, necklaces, and doing makeup in a drag queen style. He participates in activities like synchronized swimming routines and Judy Garland song and dance routines with his niece, showing that he does not conform to hegemonic masculinity.

What is hegemonic masculinity as described in the speech?

Hegemonic masculinity refers to the socially dominant form of masculinity that enforces male privilege and superiority over women and other gender identities. It creates rigid expectations for men, often leading to behaviors that reinforce male dominance, such as homophobia, misogyny, or violence, as men try to prove their masculinity.

Why does the speaker admire her uncle Eddy?

The speaker admires Uncle Eddy for his ability to transcend gender stereotypes and freely express both masculine and feminine traits. She sees him as a role model for breaking down societal expectations around masculinity and femininity.

What does the speaker's experience with her brothers and the Power Ranger example illustrate about gender norms?

The Power Ranger example illustrates that young children do not inherently associate gender with certain behaviors or preferences, like the speaker’s brother who loved the pink Power Ranger without considering it 'feminine.' However, as they grow older, societal expectations teach them that certain traits and colors, like pink, are associated with femininity, leading to embarrassment or conformity to gender norms.

How does the speaker explain the social construction of masculinity and femininity?

The speaker explains that masculinity and femininity are not biologically determined but are formed through societal and cultural expectations. These traits are learned and reinforced by social norms, which limit the expression of both men and women by confining them to specific behaviors.

What impact does hegemonic masculinity have on women, according to the speaker?

Hegemonic masculinity upholds the idea of male superiority, which leads to self-esteem problems among women. It creates a double standard where men are praised for traits like assertiveness or being a 'player,' while women are judged negatively for similar behaviors, often being called 'bossy' or 'slut-shamed.'

How did the speaker’s gender influence her feelings about becoming first chair in her orchestra?

The speaker felt conflicted and anxious after earning first chair in her orchestra because she feared that the male bassists would resent her achievement. This reaction was rooted in the societal expectation that women should not outperform men, especially in male-dominated spaces.

What is the speaker's view on the acceptance of feminine traits in society?

The speaker believes that society has become more accepting of women who exhibit masculine traits, such as wearing pants or playing sports, but men who display feminine traits still face much greater stigma. She argues that this double standard limits both men and women.

What does the speaker mean by challenging the audience not to limit themselves to being a 'pink or blue Power Ranger'?

The speaker is encouraging the audience to embrace a wide spectrum of gender expression, rather than conforming to traditional masculine (blue) or feminine (pink) roles. She believes that everyone has both masculine and feminine qualities and that these should not be restricted by societal norms.

How does the speaker believe breaking down gender stereotypes can benefit society?

The speaker believes that breaking down rigid stereotypes of masculinity and femininity will allow individuals to fully express their identities without fear of judgment. This would create a more inclusive society where people are not limited by gender norms and can freely develop their talents and traits.

Outlines

00:00

🌟 Embracing Uncle Eddy’s Unique Masculinity

The speaker reflects on their Uncle Eddy, a lumberjack-like figure with a unique personal style, mixing traditionally masculine and feminine traits. As a child, the speaker admired Eddy's confidence and his willingness to engage in activities like makeup, glitter, and synchronized dance routines, which their brothers avoided. This led the speaker to realize that societal norms often restrict masculinity and femininity, but Eddy transcended these boundaries. The speaker now understands the freedom Eddy found in rejecting traditional masculine expectations.

05:03

🎼 Breaking Gender Norms in Music

The speaker shares a personal experience of becoming the first-chair bassist in a predominantly male group. Despite the achievement, the speaker felt fear and guilt, worrying that the male bassists would resent her for excelling. This reaction was rooted in internalized hegemonic masculinity, where societal dominance of men made her feel out of place for surpassing them. The speaker reflects on how deeply ingrained gender roles can limit one's self-perception and encourages others to embrace their complex identities, free from restrictive gender norms.

Keywords

💡Masculinity

Masculinity refers to the qualities or attributes traditionally associated with men. In the video, it is discussed in the context of societal expectations and stereotypes, such as being strong, assertive, and not showing emotions. The speaker contrasts this with her uncle Eddy's behavior, who embraces both traditionally masculine and feminine traits, challenging the conventional view of masculinity.

💡Femininity

Femininity is the set of attributes, behaviors, and roles generally associated with women. The video script explores how femininity is more widely accepted to encompass a variety of traits, unlike masculinity. The speaker mentions that women can engage in 'masculine' activities like playing sports or having the same jobs as men and still be considered feminine.

💡Hegemonic Masculinity

Hegemonic masculinity is the concept where a particular version of masculinity is culturally exalted and dominates society's view of what it means to be a 'real man'. The video discusses how this concept perpetuates male dominance and can lead to negative behaviors such as violence and misogyny, as men strive to assert their dominance.

💡Gender Identity

Gender identity is a person's internal sense of being male, female, or something else. The script uses the speaker's own identity as an example, showing that she possesses both masculine and feminine qualities. It challenges the binary view of gender, suggesting that identities exist on a spectrum.

💡Gender Norms

Gender norms are the cultural standards that dictate how men and women should behave. The video script critiques these norms, showing how they limit individuals, particularly men, from expressing themselves freely, as illustrated by the speaker's brothers who felt they couldn't participate in activities considered feminine.

💡Gender Stereotypes

Gender stereotypes are oversimplified generalizations about the characteristics or behaviors of people based on their gender. The video discusses how these stereotypes are learned and internalized, leading to expectations that men must be masculine and women must be feminine, as seen in the speaker's brother's embarrassment about liking the pink Power Ranger.

💡Gender Fluidity

Gender fluidity refers to the idea that a person's gender identity may shift over time or can be a combination of both masculine and feminine traits. The video promotes the acceptance of gender fluidity, suggesting that there should be a spectrum of gender identities rather than strict binary categories.

💡Masculine Traits

Masculine traits are characteristics traditionally associated with men, such as strength, independence, and assertiveness. The video script uses the uncle Eddy's embrace of both masculine and feminine traits to challenge the notion that men must adhere to a narrow set of masculine behaviors.

💡Feminine Traits

Feminine traits are characteristics traditionally associated with women, such as empathy, gentleness, and nurturing. The speaker discusses how feminine traits are more accepted in women and how they can coexist with traditionally masculine traits in the same individual.

💡Gender Equality

Gender equality is the state of equal rights, opportunities, and treatment for all genders. The video script touches on this concept by discussing the double standards that exist between men and women, such as the different reactions to male and female leaders.

💡Social Dominance

Social dominance refers to the idea that one group has more power or status than another in society. The video script connects hegemonic masculinity with social dominance, explaining how it perpetuates the idea that men are superior to women and other genders.

Highlights

The speaker describes Uncle Eddy, a non-conforming figure who blends traditionally masculine and feminine traits.

The speaker's admiration for Uncle Eddy stems from his unique style and ability to embrace both masculinity and femininity.

The speaker reflects on how her brothers adhered to societal expectations of masculinity, unlike Uncle Eddy.

Masculinity and femininity are social constructs, not inherent opposites, as noted by psychologist Monica Biernat in 1991.

As children, individuals don't initially see masculinity and femininity as opposing forces; this perception is learned over time.

The speaker shares an anecdote about her brother's love for the pink Power Ranger, highlighting the social stigma around femininity for boys.

Hegemonic masculinity perpetuates male dominance and enforces rigid gender roles, leading to issues like misogyny and homophobia.

The speaker argues that masculinity often involves maintaining a superior position over women and other gender identities.

There is a double standard in leadership: male leaders are seen as strong and decisive, while women in the same roles are criticized as 'bossy' or 'bitchy'.

The speaker shares her personal experience of feeling panic after achieving first chair in an all-boys bass group, fearing backlash for outperforming them.

Internalized gender norms can limit an individual's sense of identity and self-worth, particularly when stepping outside the expected norms.

The phrase 'don't be such a girl' reinforces the notion that femininity is inferior, contributing to self-esteem problems for women.

The speaker highlights how hegemonic masculinity restricts both men and women, forcing them into limiting roles and stereotypes.

By breaking down the stereotypes of masculinity, society can open up more possibilities and accept a wider range of gender expressions.

The speaker encourages embracing a spectrum of gender identities, rather than adhering to rigid, binary norms of masculinity and femininity.

The talk concludes with the speaker’s admiration for Uncle Eddy’s ability to transcend gender stereotypes and a call for others to do the same.

Transcripts

Translator: Sandra ETIENNE Reviewer: Theresa Ranft

My uncle Eddy is unlike anyone else I've ever met.

He grew up in Oregon, and resembles a lumberjack;

tall, muscular, bearded and wears flannel.

But, it's always been his personal style that I've really envied,

large rings, earrings and fabulous necklaces.

He often does my makeup, drag queen style with glittery false eyelashes,

brings me sparkly jewelry

and dresses me up in feather boas and bedazzled finery.

We spend hours together perfecting Ester Williams synchronized swing moves

and Judy Garland song and dance routines.

As a little girl, I thought my uncle Eddy was the perfect manliest of men.

I didn't understand

why Eddy would enthusiastically engage in these activities with me,

while my three older brothers were less than willing participants.

(Laughter)

I now understand that my brothers felt they couldn't stray outside

the expected norms of masculinity,

while Eddy had already crossed all these boundaries.

Now, I'm a pretty typical 15-year-old girl,

I like fashion, I spend too much time on my phone,

and I have seen every episode of gossip girl.

But I'm also loud, assertive, bossy. I like math and I am a terrible cook.

Like everyone else, I possess both masculine and feminine qualities.

We can accept a woman with masculine traits,

although the same cannot be said for men and femininity.

Masculinity is consistently defined

by separation and oppositeness from femininity.

And in this way, masculinity and femininity define each other,

no matter their individual expectations.

In 1991, psychologist Monica Biernat

found that children do not initially see masculinity and femininity as opposites,

although as they got older, their views became increasingly contradictory.

The idea that men and women act as opposites,

and their respective traits, is completely learned.

We've internalized these traits with a concrete male/female association,

although the traits and qualities belonging to a woman,

could just as easily exist within any man, like my uncle Eddy.

When one of my brothers was a toddler, he had a favorite Power Ranger,

the pink Power Ranger.

He was obsessed, and would dress only in this outfit.

He didn't think the pink Power Ranger was feminine, he just liked the color.

Today he shudders with embarrassment whenever we bring up his close association

to something so feminine.

These identities are conscious, chosen behaviors

to act within our socials norms and boundaries.

Masculinity and femininity are formed by social cultural expectations,

not biological differences.

We've explored femininity, and we can accept

a wide variety of personalities outside the norm, as feminine.

We wear pants, play sports, vote, and can have the same jobs as men,

and we're still feminine.

This acceptance and fluidity is not the same for men and masculinity,

and men are still widely expected to live within their impossible stereotype.

Our ideals of masculinity allow men to maintain

a socially dominant position over women and other gender identities.

This social dominance of masculinity is known as hegemonic masculinity.

Hegemonic masculinity draws on male privilege

creating an idea of superiority and enforcing a dominance

over other's perceived weaknesses.

This idea for superiority sometimes leads to violence,

such as rape and misogyny,

as a man overcompensating for his masculinity

tries to prove that he is not shy, afraid, or worst of all, feminine.

Heterosexuality is one of the largest parts of hegemonic masculinity.

So men may use sexuality and homophobia

as a basis of "taking away" another man's masculinity.

Saying that someone is gay is no longer used

to question their sexuality,

but rather the term has become synonymous with dumb, stupid, or simply unmasculine.

Hegemonic masculinity causes many problems throughout our society,

although the most powerful influence it has, is that it limits our potential.

The idea that there is only one type of masculinity

boxes men into this expectation, and keeps women out.

We allow and even enforce a duality or double standard.

Male leaders are strong, powerful and decisive,

yet a woman in the same exact position is considered a bitch.

We slut-shame girls while admiring a man who is a player.

Hegemonic masculinity creates the idea that men are superior,

causing self-esteem problems among women.

Phrases like, "Don't be such a girl",

are used to describe actions performed poorly,

saying that everything girls do is inherently bad because of their gender.

Whenever gender is an issue, I am not at my best.

I wonder if many of us feel this way?

How many of us in our modern societies still struggle with their own greatness,

because we second-guess our ability to be equal?

I play the string bass,

so usually I'm the only girl in a group of all boy basses.

Last year, in the Lincoln Youth Symphony,

we had a playing test which determined our seating,

and when the results were released, I was first chair.

I should have been happy, ecstatic, and so proud of my achievement,

yet I only felt panic.

I got into my mom's car after rehearsal and immediately started sobbing.

I was certain and terrified that the other all male bassists

would be angry at me for being first chair.

I thought that I shouldn't be better than them

and continued to downplay my own abilities.

At the time, I couldn't articulate why I felt this way,

although I've since realized that it's because hegemonic masculinity

and its inherent social dominance had been so ingrained in me

that I felt it was not my place as a girl to demonstrate superior talent.

I wasn't considered any less feminine by my new seating,

although I was still limited in my identity

and what I thought that meant.

We are not gender conforming robots,

we are complex human beings with countless traits

that should not be confined by a gender.

Even subconsciously we are worried about being judged

or ridiculed for doing something outside the expected norm.

Kind of like a teenage girl giving a TEDx talk on hegemonic masculinity.

(Laughter)

By breaking down the stereotype of masculinity,

we can increase the acceptability of femininity.

These identities differ by culture, region, religion, and personal belief.

So there are unlimited forms of masculinity and femininity,

and we can be open to accepting them all as a spectrum,

instead of two strict ideals.

I see my uncle Eddy as the perfect man,

and I now admire his ability to transcend stereotypes boundaries.

I was born inside the boundaries,

and I'm still trying to figure out who I want to be in this world.

I'm a girl, I wear dresses;

yet, obviously I have masculine traits too.

None of us can live on one side or the other.

My identity is not decided by my etiquette,

being assertive, or my hatred of high heels.

So I challenge you not to limit yourself to being a pink or blue Power Ranger.

The spectrum of possibilities is endless.

(Applause)