Surviving A Breakup: Your Ultimate Guide (No B.S.)
Summary
TLDRThis video offers a practical and motivational breakup survival guide. It emphasizes the importance of fully processing emotions rather than suppressing them, using a relatable metaphor about taking out emotional 'trash.' The speaker advocates for cutting contact with an ex, following the '11-week rule,' and focusing on personal growth. By turning breakup pain into a breakthrough, viewers are encouraged to channel their energy into self-improvement, whether through fitness, creativity, or setting new relationship goals. The video concludes with a positive outlook, urging viewers to envision a better future and partner.
Takeaways
- đ **85% of people experience breakups**: Breakups are common, and it's okay to seek help or guidance during this challenging time.
- đ€ **Avoid suppression**: Donât suppress or ignore your feelings post-breakup. Suppressed emotions will resurface later and may cause more harm.
- đïž **Deal with emotions like trash**: Just as trash needs to be taken out before it overflows, emotions need to be addressed, not pushed down.
- đ **Lean into emotions**: Feel and process your emotions rather than escaping through distractions like partying, relationships, or video games.
- âł **The 11-week rule**: It typically takes around 11 weeks to get over a breakup, but only if you cut off contact with your ex.
- đ« **Cut contact completely**: Unfollow your ex on social media and remove any reminders to help you heal. No contact is key to moving on.
- đŒïž **Back up memories**: Store memories of your relationship on a USB to create distance but avoid feeling like theyâre gone forever.
- đïž **Channel pain into growth**: Breakups can be used as motivation for self-improvement, like pursuing fitness, career goals, or creative projects.
- đ± **Breakups can lead to breakthroughs**: Personal growth often comes from adversity, and breakups can be a springboard for reinventing yourself.
- đ **Future partner exercise**: Write down detailed qualities you want in a future partner. Being specific can help attract the right person.
Q & A
What is the primary message of the video?
-The primary message is to provide a survival guide for dealing with breakups by facing emotions, not suppressing them, and focusing on personal growth and healing.
Why does the speaker advise against suppressing emotions after a breakup?
-The speaker compares suppressed emotions to overflowing trashâyou might ignore them for a while, but eventually, they'll need to be addressed. Suppressing emotions delays healing and can lead to long-term emotional issues.
What is the '11-week rule' mentioned in the video?
-The '11-week rule' suggests that it typically takes about 11 weeks for most people to get over a breakup. During this time, it is important to cut ties with the ex and give oneself space to heal.
Why does the speaker recommend unfollowing your ex on social media?
-The speaker explains that seeing your ex on social media triggers memories and emotions that hinder the healing process. Unfollowing or blocking them helps avoid constant reminders, allowing for emotional recovery.
What is the significance of the speakerâs story about making themselves cry?
-The speaker shares this story to illustrate the importance of feeling emotions instead of numbing them. By allowing themselves to cry, they began to process their sadness and eventually started feeling better.
How does the speaker relate personal growth to breakups?
-The speaker believes that breakups often serve as catalysts for personal growth. They share examples of how breakups motivated them to pursue passions like launching a YouTube channel or joining a band.
What does the speaker mean by 'your breakup is your breakthrough'?
-The speaker suggests that breakups, while painful, offer opportunities for growth, self-improvement, and even new ventures. The pain can be channeled into positive outcomes like personal projects or fitness goals.
Why does the speaker say 'once you become a pickle, you can never go back to being a cucumber'?
-This metaphor means that once a relationship has ended, you can't return to being 'just friends' with the same emotional connection. The relationship has fundamentally changed, and it's important to fully detach for healing.
What advice does the speaker give about future relationships?
-The speaker advises writing down the qualities you want in a future partner. This exercise helps clarify what youâre looking for, and they suggest it might even help manifest the right partner in the future.
What is the speaker's perspective on handling breakups in the digital age?
-The speaker highlights that, unlike 20 years ago when breakups often meant complete disconnection, todayâs digital world keeps exes in your daily life through social media. They recommend setting boundaries by removing these digital connections.
Outlines
đ How Common Are Breakups and How to Start Healing
The video opens with a reflection on the commonness of breakups and the feelings of shame that can come with seeking help. The narrator reassures viewers that 85% of people experience a breakup, and highlights shocking statistics, like 50% of breakups happening on Mondays and 25% over text. The narrator shares personal experiences of searching for guidance after a breakup and emphasizes the importance of addressing the pain instead of avoiding it.
đïž Donât Suppress Your Emotions, Deal with Them
The narrator discourages viewers from suppressing their emotions after a breakup, using the metaphor of a trash can overflowing if not emptied. Suppressing feelings only leads to unresolved emotions building up. The narrator warns against common coping mechanisms like drinking or jumping into new relationships to escape the pain, encouraging viewers to face their emotions instead of avoiding them.
đą Feel Your Pain to Heal
The narrator explains the importance of leaning into painful emotions instead of numbing them. Using a personal story, they recall a time when they felt numb after a breakup and turned to emotional content (Korean commercials) to help them cry and process their feelings. The key message is that emotions are a sign of being alive, and by allowing yourself to feel the pain, you can also make room to experience positive emotions later.
đ°ïž The 11-Week Rule: Time and Distance Heal
The narrator introduces the '11-week rule,' which suggests it takes about 11 weeks for most people to start getting over a breakup. They stress the importance of cutting off contact with the ex to avoid lingering emotions and emphasize that seeing your ex on social media can hinder your healing. The narrator recommends unfollowing and blocking your ex and shares practical advice on backing up photos to a hard drive to avoid accidental triggers.
đ« Setting Boundaries with Your Ex
In this section, the narrator delves deeper into the importance of setting emotional boundaries. They emphasize that keeping contact with an ex can prevent healing and that maintaining social media connections or occasional interactions may reignite old feelings. The narrator encourages people to be firm in their boundaries, even if it feels harsh, for the sake of their own emotional health.
đ Your Breakup Can Be a Breakthrough
The narrator reframes breakups as opportunities for growth and reinvention, sharing stories of how breakups led to personal breakthroughs like starting a YouTube channel or learning a new skill. They motivate viewers to channel the energy from their pain into something productive, whether it's starting a new project, getting in shape, or focusing on personal development. Breakups, they argue, are often the catalyst for some of life's biggest successes.
âïž Dream Future Partner Exercise
The narrator introduces an exercise to help viewers visualize their ideal future partner. By writing down detailed qualities they desire in a partner, viewers can focus on what they truly want in their next relationship. The narrator shares a personal anecdote about how this exercise helped them attract their current partner. They encourage viewers to be specific, as thereâs a metaphysical element to manifesting what you want in a partner.
đ ïž Breakup Survival Guide Review and Final Tips
In the final section, the narrator summarizes the key points of the video, reminding viewers not to suppress their emotions and to embrace the healing process. They reiterate the importance of setting boundaries with an ex, avoiding social media triggers, and using the breakup as an opportunity for growth. The video ends with encouraging advice, urging viewers to take control of their lives and look forward to a brighter future.
Mindmap
Keywords
đĄBreakup
đĄSuppression
đĄEmotional fever
đĄNumbing
đĄ11-week rule
đĄNo contact
đĄEmotional capacity
đĄReinvention
đĄBreakup as a breakthrough
đĄDream future partner exercise
Highlights
There is no shame in going through a breakupâ85% of people will experience one, and many feel judged for seeking help.
The video is created as a breakup survival guide to help people heal, offering practical advice rather than emotional wallowing.
Bad advice includes ignoring the existence of an ex or immediately jumping into a new relationshipâthese actions suppress emotions rather than healing them.
Suppressing emotions is like stuffing trash into a bin without taking it outâeventually, it will overflow and stink up your life.
Numbing out with distractions like partying, drinking, or short-term relationships only delays emotional processing.
Instead of avoiding pain, lean into your feelings to fully experience and process them, allowing for faster emotional recovery.
Suppressing emotions cuts off both negative and positive feelingsâif you numb out, you can't fully experience happiness either.
Breakups are emotional 'fevers' that require time and care, similar to how we recover from physical sickness.
It takes about 11 weeks to get over a breakup for most people, but staying in contact with an ex can extend the healing process.
Itâs essential to unfollow and remove all connections to an ex on social media to prevent emotional triggers and promote healing.
Consider moving all memories (photos, messages) to a USB drive to reduce the temptation to revisit the past without feeling like you're erasing it entirely.
71% of people don't regret their breakups, and most find that time brings new clarity and relief.
Your breakup can be your breakthroughâchannel the pain into productive actions like pursuing new hobbies, goals, or even fitness.
Hardships like breakups often prepare you for better things to come, helping you grow emotionally and become ready for healthier relationships.
Exercise: Write down everything you want in a future partner, from superficial traits to deeper lifestyle desires, to manifest a healthier relationship.
Transcripts
how do you get over your breakout maybe
that's why you clicked on this video and
maybe part of you is even judging
yourself like do I really need to click
on YouTube videos to help me get like am
I in that much pain but I promise this
is going to be one of the most valuable
videos for your situation that you can
watch this video is your ultimate
breakup Survival Guide first thing there
is no shame 85% of people will
experience a breakup at some point in
their life 50% of those happen on Monday
and 25% of those happen over text
message brutal it's reported that one
out of five women experienced depression
after a breakup and one out of three men
I'm making this video for the former
version of me who was getting out of a
long-term relationship and it was a
brutal transition and maybe you can
relate but I went to videos and books
and they all had this tone like you know
the tone I'm talking about where sad and
emotional I'm watching this like dude
this is making me feel worse why does
this thing have like a funeral to when
I'm sad I need someone to like sit me
down and say dude you do these things
you're going to feel better okay and so
that's what I'm making this video for
that's where I'm coming from I want to
walk through what you're feeling in the
past how do you handle that what to do
what not to do I want to talk about what
you are feeling now two pieces of advice
I would recommend you do and take and
then we'll talk about your future what
happens beyondness the lights at the end
of the tunnel okay so if that sounds
good hit that like button and and let's
get rocking let's take it from the top
so part one your past let's talk about
what you don't do I saw a piece of
advice before this video that had
millions and millions of views it was on
this topic how to get over a breakup I
won't tell you who it was I don't want
to throw people under the bus but it
said the easiest way to get over your
breakup is to pretend they don't exist
it takes you as long to get over as you
say it does go out and find someone new
that's bad advice because that means a
you didn't care about them cuz you feel
nothing and I know that's not true
otherwise you wouldn't be watching this
or B you're just going to suppress and
not deal with the emotion after a
breakup so my very first tip to you is
do not take that advice do not suppress
do not suppress your feelings I have a
trash can here why you have a trash can
in your house what happens if you throw
trash in it eventually you have to take
it out otherwise it stinks up your whole
house but what do most people do you
it's getting kind of full got the pizza
box let me just you know push down the
trash a little bit and then I can throw
more on there that works for a while but
eventually if you don't deal with it
it's going to overflow and stink up your
entire house you eventually have to look
at it and say I can't live like this and
you take it out what you suppress works
the exact same way that a lot of people
they numb out or they ignore what your
feeling post breakup but if you suppress
it and ignore it and just try to like
move on instantly without dealing with
it what you're doing is shoving emotions
down that you're just going to have to
deal with later you're in pain right now
so it's so tempting to spend all day
escaping what you're feeling you know
people drink people party people sit on
the couch playing video games people
instantly get in short-term
relationships or use people to try and
get over people and I'm not necessarily
judging any of that because I've done a
lot of that too I know the pain but what
I wish I would have done is not run away
from the emotions because you will
eventually have to deal with that well
so okay what do I do instead do I just
like sit there with it you do step
number two is you feel into instead of
numbing out think about the last time
you were sick did you sit there and
judge yourself and say like oh you're so
weak for being sick can't believe you
got sick look at your temperature you're
worse than the average person we don't
say that in fact we pause and we give
ourselves time to get over it we focus
on self-care we don't try to force
oursel to be a certain way we don't try
to like force ourselves to go to work or
hang out with friends we take time to
work on ourselves without judgment and
we allow ourselves to process through it
and feel in fact resisting the sickness
can make it worse so what you need to do
right now with all your emotions is to
feel into it instead of focusing on
numbing out and escaping understand that
right now you have what I call an
emotional fever same way you were sick
you have a temperature that comes on to
help you process whatever is going on
inside these emotions are coming up and
they're not bad or wrong bit of a
personal story if that's okay with you I
remember after one of the breakups I
went through I was at a really low point
I was like in my mom's basement too to
top it all off just graduated college no
clue what I was doing with my life the
worst part about it is I remember
feeling numb like I was scared I didn't
feel anything I didn't know if I felt
sad I didn't know if I felt like happy
when I was watching a comedy or
something I just nothing I was
completely numb what I did is I went to
YouTube and I typed in things that'll
make you cry 10 minutes later I was
balling my eyes out to Korean
commercials uh with subtitles and it's
all about like a dog dying and they
bring him back and they're crying and
I'm crying it's so sad literally I'm in
bed trying to make myself cry just so I
can feel something Korean commercials
will get you let me tell you I laugh
about it now but that taught me a very
important lesson after I experienced and
leaned into the sadness I actually
started to feel better when I leaned
into the negative that I was trying so
hard to avoid I noticed I actually was
able to experience more positive as well
because it's like an onoff switch if you
shut yourself off to emotions you shut
yourself off to the positive ones as
well your capacity to feel as a human
means you're alive I realized like if
you don't feel nothing you're dead
that's where you have zero feelings my
recommendation for you would be
understand that you are human that this
low moment that you're feeling means
that you're freaking alive this is it
you're in it don't numb out because
that's going to kill your life force
tune in don't suppress what you're
feeling cuz you're just going to delay
dealing with it later and you're going
to be dealing with this 5 10 years on a
therapist couch I promise you so the
solution for what you're feeling with
this past of what happened is to lean
into anything that you are feeling and
do not judge it it is welcome please
don't try to numb it and escape from it
this means you're human this is Phase 2
the now what can you do to help speed
this up a little bit huh I want to
introduce you to step number three this
is the 11 week rule in my personal
experience I found this to be true and
let me know if you believe this as well
it takes 11 weeks for the average person
to get over a breakup majority of people
doy try to stay in contact with their ex
post breakup I've learned that that is
crazy you have to forget that they even
exist it's different if you have kids
but if you don't have kids and you're
young forget they exist I know that
sounds harsh I know that sounds brutal
but no you can't be friends the reason
most people can't get over an X is
because they're one foot in one foot out
talking to them a little bit but they're
not breaking up or they see them every
other week but yeah we're not together
they're they're doing that dance I've
always loved the saying once you become
a pickle you can never go back to being
a cucumber they are dead to you okay
what you have that person you knew in
the
relationship they're dead they don't
exist you need to give yourself the
space the 11 weeks to remove and heal
and don't take this out of context like
this does not mean you have to hate them
or you have to bad mouth them or talk
smack or you can't even value memories
that you had your brain has to
essentially learn that this person does
not exist for you to fully get over them
20 years ago when people would break up
that was it like maybe they'd run into
them at the supermarket but you really
didn't see them but now it's possible
for you to break up with someone and for
them to still be in your everyday life
non-stop social media so when you're
seeing them on Instagram your brain is
essentially saying like oh that person's
still in my life your emotions are
saying ooh there's a possibility of us
getting back or let stay in touch with
them so remember once they are a pickle
they can never be a cucumber okay once
you dated them you had that emotional
connection in my personal experience I
don't think it's a good idea to be
friends I understand it's different if
there's kids obviously there's
exceptions but 90% of the time pretend
they don't exist I know it's hard to
hear that's what I what I wish I would
have heard and just make that the rule
so what do you do instead what you do is
Step number four this is practical you
need need to unfollow them on every
platform you might be following them on
the weirdest things like you shared a
myfitness pal or like your venmo
requests or something right every time
you see them it just gives a Cascade of
thoughts about your past your
relationship it's so much easier if you
just remove that stimuli this is a piece
of advice I came up with and gave years
ago to one of my metamorphic clients who
was struggling with this very thing
long-term relationship falling out
breakup and she found it really hard
because she was going through like her
phone and she couldn't help herself you
know it was just like oh there's a photo
of us and she'd spend hours during the
week looking back on Memories the advice
I gave her was delete everything off
your cloud and your phone and back it up
on a physical USB thumb drive that way
it doesn't feel too extreme that like
those memories are gone forever it's on
a USB drive so you can't access it
easily she did that piece of advice and
was amazed by how much better she felt
literally in a few days pour yourself a
glass of wine or whatever take 3 hours
and back everything up move it to a
physical hard drive that you can't
easily exess access if you don't here's
what's going to happen you're going to
literally be going into like your maps
and type in a name by accident and then
boom right there in the cloud you're
going to see a photo you're going to
ignore it and be like all right get out
of there but that little like exposure
right there that's what's going to kick
off a Cascade of thoughts and that keeps
them in your subconscious so this is no
stalking I know it's so hard cuz one
click away but block them if you have to
you having boundaries and wanting to
heal for yourself does not mean you're
an okay and does not mean you
hate them and does not mean you have to
have like some big falling out like you
can have a civil breakup and still set
these boundaries and you know stick up
for yourself in a in an emotional way
but let's give you some encouraging
advice you know we were talking about
statistics and getting over x's and
blocking them what I found really
inspiring when I was researching this
video 71% of people do not regret their
breakups no matter how painful it was
seven out of 10 people when surveyed a
year years later say you know what I'm
glad that happened and I'm sure you can
relate cuz like haven't you dated people
dude at the time I was crushed but like
looking back I'm so glad that didn't
work out we're going to help you get in
the 71% with these next two tips this is
what I tell every coach and client your
breakup is your breakthrough these
transitions in your life are when you
get the most growth I looked back on my
relationships and that split that like
hurt the first one I launched a YouTube
channel exactly what you're seeing now I
didn't know it would turn into this but
I was motiv ated I used all that like
potential energy that emotion that pain
and channeled it into something
productive the second one picked up
drums hardcore recommitted and that's
how I got in the band touring all around
the world when I talk to like
entrepreneur friends a lot of them some
of the best business growth came after
breakups they have something to prove
they feel hurt that like I'll show them
kind of energy there's memes gym memes
breakups make bodybuilders that like
people in the gym they go and they you
know they're working out their demons
why not get on a cycle of trend this is
a great sign kidding kidding like your
breakup can be your breakthrough if you
use it uh use it to create art use it to
create business use it to get a Revenge
bod they call that like getting in the
gym getting in the best shape of your
life like however you're going to use
this to better yourself this is the
positive evolution of what could come
out of a lot of pain this is what I see
for the future of you I know it's easy
to get caught up in this pain and where
we are but if you just allocate a little
time to where you're going to be trying
to have a little bit of excitement for
this future it's bright you can get
through this and you can reinvent
yourself to someone better that
successful people when you look back
time and time again it's not that they
had no challenges in their life it's not
that they just grew up with silver
spoons in their mouth and they never had
any adversity in fact a lot of adversity
is a common trait of success successful
people cuz they use it and they build on
it and a lot of the times with adversity
the kind that makes you the strongest is
the ones that you don't choose and seek
out they just happen to you and so I've
always loved the frame that you're not
being punished right now like The World
God is Not punishing you and saying okay
I'm removing this relationship from your
life like here I am just being punished
great the world's against me no you're
being prepared you're being prepared for
the next relationship that you use all
the lessons from your previous ones and
get in a better one
reimagine what a relationship could be
for you like what if this person was not
the one and the next person is going to
be 10 times better what do you want in a
future partner now if you want one more
exercise cuz you stuck around I call
this the dream future wife exercise or
husband or partner take out a sheet of
paper and write down every single thing
you want want in a partner in the future
what would make you excited to commit
and start with superficial how do they
look how do they dress what do they what
are their interests uh you know what's
their lifestyle like but then eventually
you'll get deeper and you'll say what do
I want my like Saturday with them when
we're both off to be about you know are
we watching movies great or are we going
on Hikes great are we building a
business together that's something
that's important to you great are we
going to the gym right and you'll get
really deeper what is their family
Dynamic like write down every single
thing that if they checked on the box
you'd be like so stoked about if you've
never done that that is an amazing
exercise and there's something I believe
uh like metaphysical that happens when
you get very specific on who you're
looking for and who you want to attract
and it's weird because I've given people
that exercise and I did it myself and
shortly after you know the woman I'm
dating now came into my life um
checked all the boxes down to a te like
freaky level of specificity so careful
what you put on there wish I would have
not put a few things on there like holds
me to a high standard all the time
kidding kidding so let's review we went
over this is your breakup Survival Guide
phase one do not suppress your emotions
sweat out the emotional fever don't
judge yourself welcome the feelings
Remember Your Capacity to feel is in
direct proportion of your capacity to
feel
alive remember practically here they're
dead to you go for the 11 we rule remove
them from your life as much as possible
I know that's harsh and that's hard but
you can do it you got this do not stalk
back up everything you can onto a
physical USB drive so you can't access
it or delete it if you're feeling bold
remember that most successful people had
breakups and challenges and setbacks
that those can be your breakthroughs if
you use them just like art is made from
pain your life some of the best moments
can be birthed out of the hardest wants
and ultimately this will be part of your
reinvention use it to create the 2.0
version of you write out what you would
be excited to commit to in a partner in
the future and watch how when you ask
for something God in the universe just
might bring it to you thank you so much
for being here see you the next one stop
settling start living see you
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