Fixing a Broken Relationship at Work: The Harvard Business Review Guide

Summary

This video script explores strategies for mending strained work relationships, emphasizing the importance of letting go of the need to be right, practicing empathy, and focusing on common goals. It suggests engaging in solution-focused dialogues, showing genuine interest in colleagues, and offering help without expecting reciprocation. The script also advises against fixating on past conflicts and highlights the value of patience and consistent effort in rebuilding trust and fostering more resilient relationships.

Takeaways

• 🔄 Even the most strained work relationships can be repaired and potentially become stronger and more resilient.
• 💪 Fixing a relationship requires serious effort and often involves being the bigger person by putting ego aside.
• 🤔 It's crucial to stop focusing on who's right or wrong and instead concentrate on moving the relationship forward.
• 🧐 Avoid overanalyzing past conflicts; instead, reflect on what worked well or what you appreciate about the person.
• 🤝 Adopt a solution-focused approach rather than a diagnostic one to foster positive change in the relationship.
• 🌟 Empathy is key to understanding your coworker's perspective and resetting the emotional tone of your relationship.
• 🗣️ Engage with the other person on neutral ground and focus on common goals to create a sense of unity.
• 🏆 Small, everyday actions and interactions are more impactful in changing relationships than occasional big gestures.
• 🤝 Show, don't tell—demonstrate trustworthiness through actions rather than just words.
• ❓ Ask quality questions that go beyond small talk to establish a deeper connection and show genuine interest in your coworker.
• 🔁 Be open to giving and receiving feedback, focusing on behaviors that can be controlled and aiming for mutual improvement.

Q & A

What is the first step in fixing a broken work relationship according to Susan David?

The first step is to give up being right and put your ego away, as focusing on who's wrong and who's right can distract from repairing the relationship.

How does Susan David suggest dealing with the urge to point out someone's mistakes during relationship repair?

Susan David suggests imagining the other person with a big fat sticker on their back that says 'I'm wrong', so you don't have to point it out and can focus on moving the relationship forward.

What approach should one take when looking back at a problematic relationship, as advised by Susan David?

Instead of analyzing every negative detail, one should focus on what worked well previously, what they like about the person, and what they want from the relationship.

Why is empathy important in repairing work relationships?

Empathy is the foundation of all healthy work relationships, allowing for emotions like curiosity and compassion, and helping to see the colleague in a different light.

What does engaging with the other person on neutral territory mean in the context of repairing a relationship?

It means approaching the other person in a neutral setting, not at one of your desks or offices, and considering going out for lunch or having a virtual coffee date.

What is the role of common ground in repairing work relationships?

Finding common ground, both literally and figuratively, helps create a space where you're aligned and can feel like you're in this together, which is crucial for relationship repair.

How does Brian Uzzi suggest demonstrating trustworthiness in a work relationship?

Brian Uzzi suggests offering things to the other person without asking for anything in return, which activates the law of reciprocity and encourages a natural give and take.

What is the significance of asking quality questions in building rapport, as per Caroline Webb?

Asking quality questions that go beyond daily pleasantries allows people to talk about themselves or share opinions, creating a shared psychological space that aids in building a connection.

Why is it important to give and receive feedback in the process of repairing a work relationship?

Giving and receiving feedback with the intention of improving future interactions can help develop greater self-awareness and increase effectiveness in the relationship.

What should one avoid doing when trying to repair a work relationship, as mentioned in the script?

One should avoid getting stuck on who's right and who's wrong, and instead focus on moving the relationship forward.

What are some principles to remember when repairing work relationships, as outlined in the script?

Some principles include restoring trust by offering something the coworker wants or needs, talking about the relationship on neutral ground, and making subtle shifts in how you act toward your colleague.