When to Let Go: Recognizing When a Relationship Is Truly Over

Summary

This video script delves into the complexities of relationship breakups and the decision to let go. It emphasizes the importance of assessing the relationship rationally, considering factors like communication, emotional connection, trust, and shared goals. The speaker advises against idealizing past relationships and offers a free quiz to help viewers determine the feasibility of reconciliation. The script encourages self-reflection, personal growth, and understanding that not all relationships can or should be repaired, advocating for moving forward with clarity and emotional health.

Takeaways

• 💔 Relationships often end permanently, and many breakups are definitive despite efforts to reconcile.
• 🤝 Communication is crucial in a relationship, and lack of effective communication is a primary cause of breakups.
• 🧠 Emotional investment can cloud judgment, making it difficult to assess a relationship rationally.
• 📊 Most breakups result from a combination of poor communication, loss of emotional connection, and eventual infidelity.
• 🔄 Regaining trust and rebuilding a relationship is a gradual process that requires consistent effort over time.
• 🎯 It's essential to clearly understand what you want in a relationship rather than focusing solely on getting back with an ex.
• 👥 Assessing whether both partners are willing to work on repairing the relationship is vital for recovery.
• 🌱 Growth mindset and openness to change are important for overcoming challenges in a relationship.
• 💬 Healthy boundaries and mutual respect are fundamental to a resilient relationship.
• 🔍 Reflecting on the relationship's past and understanding personal and partner's needs is necessary for moving forward, whether together or separately.

Q & A

What is the main purpose of the video?

The main purpose of the video is to discuss signs that indicate a relationship cannot be recovered and to provide guidance on when it's time to let go and move on.

Why do people often struggle to assess their relationship situation after a breakup?

People struggle to assess their relationship situation after a breakup because they often do so from an emotional point of view, which can paint a different reality due to the pain and anxiety they are experiencing.

What is the importance of the free quiz mentioned in the video?

The free quiz is designed to help individuals assess whether they have any chance of getting back with their ex and to rule out cases where there are no options for reconciliation.

What is the first sign of a difficult-to-recover relationship mentioned in the video?

The first sign is a lack of communication, which is often the root cause of breakups as many people do not communicate properly.

Why is assessing the potential for recovery in a relationship important?

Assessing the potential for recovery is important because it helps to determine whether both parties are willing to come together and work on repairing the relationship, which is essential for reconciliation.

What does the video suggest as the most important question to ask oneself when considering getting back with an ex?

The most important question to ask is 'What do you want in terms of a relationship?' focusing on the ideal relationship and how close the current situation is to that ideal.

How does the video address the issue of emotional connection in a relationship?

The video discusses the difficulty of repairing emotional connection after years of resentment and lack of intimacy, and the importance of assessing whether both partners were emotionally connected before the breakup.

What is the significance of trust in the context of relationship recovery?

Trust is significant because if it has been broken, it needs to be repaired through consistent actions that demonstrate reliability and change, which is a process that takes time.

Why is having different life goals a challenging obstacle in relationship recovery?

Different life goals can be challenging because they indicate that one or both partners have changed and have new aspirations and desires that may not include the other, making it difficult to envision a shared future.

What role does conflict play in determining the recoverability of a relationship?

Conflict is important to assess because if there is a history of unresolved conflicts or a pattern of repeating arguments without resolution, it can indicate that the relationship may be unrecoverable.

How does the video suggest people reflect on their relationship after a breakup?

The video suggests using reflection and self-assessment, possibly with the help of a journal or feedback from friends and family, to understand the dynamics of the relationship and personal growth opportunities.

What is the final piece of advice given in the video regarding getting back with an ex?

The final advice is to focus on personal growth and presenting oneself in the best possible way, rather than begging or proving love, as it's the demonstration of change and a better dynamic that can convince an ex to consider reconciliation.

Outlines

00:00

🔍 Assessing the Possibility of Relationship Recovery

The speaker emphasizes the importance of recognizing when efforts to repair a relationship are futile. They discuss the emotional difficulty of breakups and the tendency to idealize past relationships. The video aims to provide rational analysis tools to determine if a relationship can be salvaged, suggesting that most breakups are definitive. The speaker introduces a free quiz to assess the chances of rekindling a relationship and cautions that a high score doesn't guarantee success, but helps to eliminate impossible cases and encourages moving on.

05:01

🤝 Importance of Communication and Mutual Effort

This paragraph focuses on the necessity of communication and mutual willingness to reconcile in the recovery of a relationship. It highlights the difficulty of reestablishing a connection with someone unwilling to meet halfway. The speaker stresses the importance of understanding one's desires for an ideal relationship and assessing emotional connection and support within the relationship, especially considering different attachment styles and the potential for change.

10:03

🔄 Dealing with Trust Issues and Life Goals Divergence

The speaker addresses the complexities of regaining trust and aligning life goals as critical factors in relationship recovery. They discuss the challenges of repairing trust after betrayal and the difficulty of reconciling when partners have divergent aspirations for their lives. The importance of recognizing and respecting these differences is emphasized, as well as the potential need for personal growth and adaptation to new circumstances.

15:04

🚫 Conflict Resolution and the Significance of Boundaries

The paragraph delves into the role of conflict in relationship breakdowns, the importance of resolving repetitive arguments, and respecting boundaries. It suggests that a lack of conflict can be a red flag for poor communication. The speaker advises assessing whether both partners are willing to work through disagreements and whether they respect each other's boundaries, which is crucial for a relationship's resilience.

20:05

🌱 Growth Mindset and Personal Development

The speaker discusses the importance of personal growth and a growth mindset in relationships, contrasting it with a fixed mindset that resists change. They suggest that assessing whether both partners are open to growth and change is vital for relationship recovery. The paragraph also touches on respecting boundaries and the speaker's approach to helping clients realistically assess their situations.

25:08

💔 Reflection and Moving Forward Post-Breakup

In this paragraph, the speaker encourages individuals to reflect on their past relationship and personal growth post-breakup. They advise against immediate contact with an ex and instead recommend self-reflection, journaling, and seeking external perspectives to gain insight into the relationship's dynamics. The speaker stresses the importance of emotional regulation and presenting oneself in the best possible light during potential future interactions with an ex.

❓ Seeking Clarity and Embracing Uncertainty

The final paragraph invites viewers to ask questions and reflects on the uncertainty inherent in dealing with human relationships. The speaker acknowledges the complexity of their role in helping clients navigate the process of possibly rekindling a relationship, emphasizing the lack of a guaranteed outcome and the importance of embracing the unpredictable nature of personal connections.

Keywords

💡Let go

The term 'let go' refers to the act of releasing or relinquishing something, often with a sense of finality. In the context of the video, it is about recognizing when efforts to mend a relationship are futile and accepting the need to move on. The script emphasizes the importance of not wasting time and energy on relationships that cannot be recovered.

💡Dynamic of relationships

This concept refers to the changing patterns of interaction and the underlying forces that drive the development of a relationship. The video discusses how some relationship dynamics are irreparable, indicating that despite efforts, certain relationships may not return to a healthy state.

💡Emotional investment

Emotional investment is the psychological attachment and personal significance one has towards a relationship. The script mentions how emotional investment can cloud judgment, making it difficult for individuals to see the reality of their situation and hindering their ability to analyze the relationship objectively.

💡Communication

Communication is the process of sharing information, feelings, and ideas between individuals. The video identifies a lack of communication as a primary cause of breakups and suggests that the ability to communicate openly and honestly is crucial for repairing a relationship.

💡Emotional connection

Emotional connection is the bond of feelings and empathy that forms between two people. The script highlights the difficulty of repairing emotional connections after years of resentment and lack of intimacy, indicating that this is a critical factor to assess when considering the possibility of rekindling a relationship.

💡Trust

Trust is the reliance on the integrity, strength, or ability of a person or thing. The video discusses the complexity of regaining trust after it has been broken, emphasizing that it is a process that requires consistent demonstration of change and reliability.

💡Life goals

Life goals refer to the aspirations and objectives that guide an individual's life direction. The script mentions different life goals as a challenging factor in relationships, where one partner's new desires and needs may not align with the other's, leading to a potential breakup.

💡Conflict

Conflict is a serious disagreement or argument, typically arising from incompatible goals or beliefs. The video points out that unresolved conflicts or a history of repeating arguments can be a sign that a relationship may not be salvageable.

💡Growth mindset

A growth mindset is the belief that one's abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication and hard work. The script contrasts this with a fixed mindset, where people believe their qualities are set and unchangeable. It suggests that a growth mindset can be beneficial in overcoming relationship challenges.

💡Boundaries

Boundaries are the limits or extents within which something occurs or operates. In the context of the video, respecting and maintaining healthy boundaries in a relationship is highlighted as essential for creating a strong foundation and resilience.

💡Personal growth

Personal growth refers to the process of improving and developing as an individual. The video emphasizes the importance of feeling a sense of growth and evolution in life and relationships, suggesting that stagnation can be detrimental to a relationship's health.

Highlights

The importance of understanding when to let go in a relationship that cannot be recovered.

The common mistake of idealizing a past relationship and the need to recognize its flaws.

Statistical insights on the likelihood of most relationships not working out.

The emotional bias in assessing post-breakup situations and the need for rational analysis.

The introduction of a free quiz to assess the possibility of rekindling a relationship.

The reality that sometimes it's impossible to repair a relationship due to irreparable dynamics.

The first sign of a difficult recovery: lack of communication and its implications.

The necessity of open and honest communication for relationship recovery.

The importance of understanding what you truly want in a relationship beyond just getting an ex back.

Assessing the emotional connection in a relationship and its difficulty to repair.

The role of trust in relationships and the process of regaining it after a breach.

The impact of different life goals on a relationship and the challenges it presents.

The significance of conflict in a relationship and its potential to indicate a need for a breakup.

The role of personal growth and stagnation in the health of a relationship.

The importance of respecting boundaries and needs in a relationship for resilience.

A therapist's approach to helping clients realistically assess their chances of getting back together.

The advice against expressing desperate love to an ex as a means to reconcile.

The reminder that personal growth and change are more persuasive than pleading in a breakup recovery.

The final advice on using breakups as opportunities for self-reflection and growth.

Transcripts

when should you finally let go when

should you finally figure out all the

efforts that you're making all the

energy that you're

wasting will not lead you

anywhere in this video I'm going to

share with you some

signs the dynamic of relationships that

cannot be recovered and sometimes it

happens sometimes it's impossible to get

back with the next regardless of who you

working with whether it's myself or

anyone else

and the thing that I hate the most is

for people to waste their time waste

months or years of their life trying to

repair trying to get back with someone

who a doesn't deserve them and prevents

them from moving forward so this video

is very important watch it if you're not

sure whether you want to get back

whether you have any possibilities of

getting back with your ex jingle I get

myx

back.com everyone deserves a second

chance

so you have to understand that sometimes

we cling to a magnified idea of a

relationship we idealize our partner we

put that person on a pedestal we fail to

recognize that in a way that

relationship was not necessarily Al good

for us right what you have to understand

is statistically most breakups are

definitive right statistically if you've

been in this relationship maybe for a

few years you've had other relationships

before right so statistically most

relationships uh won't work

out the problem that you have when you

are going through a difficult breakup is

that the way you assess the situation is

more from an emotional point of

view the pain the

anxiety sort of paints another

reality my job in this video is to show

you how you can analyze

rationally setting the emotions on the

side your

situation very often when people come to

see me and we have a first assessment

together I can see the situation more

clearly than they can because there's an

attachment because there's an emotional

investment there's this idea of um s

cust uh Sun cust sorry they invested so

much in this relationship they had uh

this this sort of loss um that they feel

that creates a sense of I need this

person again to feel better but that

prevents you from seeing things clearly

if you're confused and want also another

way to assess the situation there's a

free quiz in the description where you

can assess whether you can have any

chance of getting back with your

X quick caveat if you have a high score

that doesn't mean you will get back with

your X for share nobody can guarantee

that now the way it's design is that and

the way I ask my clients to take the

quiz is because it's going to rule

out all the cases where you actually

have no option and then to move on I

think it's my responsibility to you know

be up front it's not being pessimistic

but be clear that sometimes it's just

impossible because what you had is not

enough what the dynamic the way you guys

broke

up is something you can't repair and it

happens it's hard it sucks but that

happens and you have to face that

reality and the faster the quicker you

realize that the faster you can move on

and you can move forward and that's the

only thing that I wish you for um it's

not necessary to get back with your X

but it's to see clearly to be able to

move forward so in this video take some

notes there are few prompts and

questions I want you to use this video

take a notepad and spend some time today

to answer those question so the first

sign thing that will indicate it's going

to be very hard for you guys to get back

together is lack of communication this

is the first cause of breakup and I

think it's because we tend to put

everything thing with

miscommunication the thing is most

people don't communicate properly so

basing your analysis on the fact that

you didn't communicate properly is not

enough what is very important is how you

would repair so the thing is you're not

perfect your partner your ex is not

perfect I'm not perfect nobody's perfect

what matters is what can we do to repair

when we make a mistake right especially

in the context of a loving relationship

when we love that person when you want

to invest with this person when we make

a mistake when we screw up what are we

doing to repair what are we doing to

make amends um also assess whether you

were able to communicate openly and

honestly this is very important because

that will indicate whether you were

truly

yourself for instance if you had this

sort of people pleasing attitude where

you felt you were doing things that you

didn't didn't necessarily enjoy the

question is you know do you really want

to be in that kind of relationship so

it's really assessing a the potential of

the

recovery and it's going to be very hard

to get back with someone who is not

willing to come your way because it's it

takes two to get back together it takes

two to start a relationship it also

takes two to repair and recover from a

breakup and the second part B is really

about what do you want it's very

important it's probably the most

important question you need to ask

yourself right now is what do you want

and the answer is not I want my ex back

no the answer is what do you want in

terms of a relationship ideal

relationship and try to tend to be

closer to this ideal now what about

emotional connection so the way I design

this presentation is really looking at

different angles to have a big accurate

picture of your relationship it's very

important to look at the different

angles sometimes we only focus on one

side of this sort of of object it's very

important to turn around and look at

different angles so emotional connection

which is obviously the hardest one to

repair I have historically a hard time

helping people with that because what

happens is that after years of

resentment after years of you know lack

of intimacy lack of sex lack of

connection you create a new Baseline

with your partner and what happens is

that partner at some stage feels like

I don't want this life anymore so the

question is not figuring out who's

responsible for the dynamic because I

think it always takes two it's kind of a

chicken andg

situation really assess whether you

haven't had so too many years in this

kind of um roommate syndromes um so

assess

whether you know six months before the

breakup you did enjoy spending time

together assess whether you felt

emotionally connected so if you were for

instance dating an avoidant it's also

important to assess whether this person

was willing to open up so obviously an

avoidant person like

myself we have a hard time opening up

however it doesn't mean that we don't

want to open up or that we don't aim to

be closely connected to our partner it's

just that it's harder for us so it's

about how you can judge depending on

their attachment style what they were

willing to give you what you have to

assess is more of the the motivation not

necessarily the result so look at those

things and the important element as well

is how you would support each other

again because we make mistakes because

we're not perfect what you have to

assess is not what people have done

necessarily but how they repaired how

they show that they could support you

whether they dismissed you or whether

they were like okay let me help you out

it's very important but again in the

context of relationship

recovery the ability for your ex to have

this sort of mindset of how can we

repair how can we change things

is super important so loss of trust this

one is very tricky because it really

depends on people some people will never

forgive something that has been done to

them some people would you know you're X

better than me um assess whether you've

done something to break their trust and

ass say whether there's something you

can do to repair that's it and then it's

really down to them historically I don't

have a lot of people in that situation

people who cheated on their partner Etc

um maybe because they don't want their X

back afterwards or I don't know uh I

don't make I don't want to make any

conclusions uh to to that because um I

think it's quite frequent for people to

I think if you look at the US statistics

cheating is the number the third reason

people divorce but I think cheating

comes after that lack of emotional

connection and after uh lack of

communication in terms of um sort of if

we draw timeline you communicate badly

with with your partner you lose

emotional connection and then you cheat

uh and then people break up because

they're um one of them cheated on on the

other but it comes after the whole

process so lost of trust again can you

repair it is there something you can do

and about how can you show it and

demonstrate that to your partner and

obviously regaining trust is a process

and I've mentioned that to a client the

other day getting back with an next is

also in a way the same process

don't expect that okay I've made am M

I've changed those things I broke up

with my mistress or whatever um or I'm

going through therapy I'm trying to be a

better person etc

etc they need your ex will need to be

convinced and when the way to convince

someone is not just to tell them and

seeing them once it's really about the

con the the um sort of being consistent

in your approach in how you can show

them okay I'm a new person every time

you'll see me you'll see that new person

and it takes a bit of time so understand

that regaining trust getting back with

an ex is a process it takes several

weeks of regular slow progress to bring

your partner to a level of confidence so

usually when I help my clients getting

back with the X their exes are more you

know okay I still have feelings for them

but I'm not sure I'm like 20% sure

whether I want to get back together the

job is to bring them to a level of

certainty of confidence above 50% 60 70%

and you don't do it in one date you

don't do it in one text so people think

like okay I'm going to send this letter

and they fall back again it doesn't work

like this they need to be convinced they

need to be brought on that journey and

that's your job is to bring them on that

Journey another very difficult ult thing

to repair is different life goals so

this happens um sometimes when you have

a long relationship 10 15 20 years maybe

um the kids um are leaving the house and

you don't know what to do anymore you

new career you have to travel life

crisis midlife crisis or any sort of

life crisis where one

feels I have a new set of desires needs

I want to have another life right and

for some reason they feel that this life

that they had with you and you in that

sense is kind of a a collateral damage

of this realization if you I don't want

this life I want a new life right and

you're not part of that Vision so the

only thing to do is perhaps let them

experience a little bit this new life

right make let them make a bit of

mistakes um and see whether you can

adjust in this new life maybe it's about

you know they want to change jobs and

they want to travel the world so is that

something you can do is that something

you can discuss um also assess whether

it's something you want because the same

way they've changed and they had um they

have new aspirations new needs and

desires what about you maybe you know if

you have if you have um you know

children and they they left the house

maybe you also want to do something

different so it's an opportunity for you

to assess this and realize what you want

conflict is also something you need to

to assess when you look at the history

of a relationship and whether a

relationship can be

recovered either you had too many

conflict and that create a precedent of

like okay we need to break up because

it's unbearable and it seems that every

time we have the conflict on the same

topic usually people fight for the same

same reason again and again and again

without any resolution so it feels like

there's no other option you know I've

wasted one year two years expressing

those concerns but it's still feels like

maybe we don't fight for a month or two

and then again same argument on the same

thing the kids education you're working

hard maybe there's a addiction problem

and again and again but it's it feels

like it's a repeating patterns and I

don't want this I'm done with that so

that's something you need to address

also if you have had if you've never had

any conflict for me it's a red flag it's

important to disagree it's important

important to work things out if you if

in your relationship you feel like we

never thought to me that's a sign that

it's something wrong because that's a

sign of lack of

communication so you need to assess if

your partner is willing to discuss again

it takes to and it's a question of

timing this video is not about the how

to or the the process on how to get back

with the next is just to really assess

the relationship um if you want to know

how to get back with the and the process

they have made other videos on that on

that subject and if you're not sure

there's a link to book a 50 minute call

with me and I'll uh explain in detail

based on your situation because

obviously every situation is unique it's

it's funny because everyone who calls me

tell me like you'll see this situation

is

unique and I was like yeah you always

tell me this and it's actually true

every situation is unique so I know

there's a bit of limitation when I make

those videos

because I'm trying to speak to everyone

but obviously there are always detail

and things that are really really

tailored or unique to your situation um

another element about conflict is

whether your ex is able to forgive and

move forward after argument some people

they you know I've done that you've said

this and there's no other way around and

I'm not going to change my mind it's

very hard I can't change your ex's

character right the only thing that you

could do the only thing that we could do

is work on yourself address the things

that need to be

addressed um Market in a way this new

personality this new person it's not new

personality this new person this new

life um and present yourself the way in

a

way you were when you met each other

because the thing is it's way easier for

me to help people get back with the ex

than coaching people on how to date

random people what you have is something

you should leverage and this is why it's

important to assess what you had maybe

the relationship itself was not as

qualitative was not as meaningful as you

thought when you answer those questions

it's very important to assess this

because again I don't want you to waste

your time another element is growth

stagnation it's very important in our

life to to feel a sense of growth to

feel that we evolve there's nothing

worse than stagnation um see your

relationship a little bit like a lake if

the water is St stagnate the water would

be like little gross if you have like

fresh water coming in that doesn't mean

the image maybe wrong let me know in the

comment section that doesn't mean you

should include other partners in your

relationship because I see like the

river coming into the lake anyway it's

more about like bringing novelty and

bringing growth in this relationship um

and what you have to assess and I've

done a real the other day which was very

popular the idea of fixed and growth

mindset so fixed mindset people who have

a fixed mindset they tend to feel we

have a set of capabilities things are

like this leopards never change their

dots and therefore when we have a

problem the only option is to leave that

situation with a growth mindset it's

more about like when we have a challenge

regardless of the challenge there are

always ways to work on things because

there are always ways for us to progress

to make it better and again it's not

something you can necessarily change if

your partner is 40 50 60 years old and

he has had a fixed mindset it's going to

be very hard for you to make them switch

to a growth mindset so maybe send them

the Ted talk about uh growth mindset

from Carol D which is one of the most

viewed tedex uh and I need to remind

myself to put a link if you interested

in watching this STC really interesting

uh growth mindset and fixed mindset it's

something that she developed and now

it's an ential field of of study um

growth stagnation so now boundaries and

needs obviously it's very important how

to express respect boundaries when you

have healthy boundaries in your

relationship you create the right

foundation you make it more resilient

basically and so assess whether your

boundaries were respected whether you

also respected your uh ex's boundaries

something that I say in the quiz for

example because it's very important if

you kept on disrespecting their

boundaries on crossing their boundaries

it's going to be very hard to get back

together because they will always have

this idea of like if we get back

together things will always be the same

you never listened you always you know

did things your way so why would that

change now so it's very important to

assess those things so my Approach and

this is my Approach My Method U maybe

you'll see other sort of approach online

but my Approach is to really be real um

when I have people on the phone for the

50 minute calls sometimes I tell them

like you you're wasting your time you

know looking at the whole dynamic the

whole history you're wasting your time

and I don't want people to waste their

time or I don't want to sell a dream of

like yes if you follow my plan and my

90day plans and you book this package or

whatever you're going to get back

together that doesn't work like this so

what is very important for you is to

reflect and spend that time very often

people like okay yeah sure sure reflect

and then they go on Instagram and they

look at their Partners the ex story and

they're sort of Obsessed about whether

they going to have a chance of getting

back together etc etc use that time for

reflection on your own be like a kind of

a monk for a few weeks really looking at

those things and understand it's not

about how you feel because the pain the

anxiety this is because of the breakup

but that's not because of the

relationship these are two separate

things it's about you need to assess how

fulfilled you were in this

relationship so rather than focusing on

the loss focus on what you had and in a

way very simple exercise visualizing

exercise is to look

at rate your

relationship six months before the

breakup three months before the breakup

what were the things that you would want

to change in this relationship if it's

if you can't answer those questions and

it's hard for you to see like okay no

there there were that was fine it's

going to be very easy for you to get

back together because your ex will

believe the same right maybe they left

out of impulse or feeling that's it's

not working out maybe they have a fear

of commitment but if you can't find any

flows any sort of conflict or any sort

of disagreement or thing that are

structural in the relationship sooner or

later your partner will realize like I

kind of made a mistakes um made a

mistake um and in that sense I think

breakups can be a source of growth um

very often and historically personally

as well when you break up with someone

it's the opportunity to reflect on what

you want again I'm going to say that

many times but it's super

important when you're with someone

sometimes you and that's the same with

your partner

in a way for

you when you're the one when you're the

dumpy I don't like this term but when

you're the

dumpy there's an element of putting that

person on pedestal right because of the

loss because they took the decision for

you my job is to help you recalibrate

how to assess

things and from your exess point of view

the

dumper it's kind of the other way around

they feel that they're winning they feel

they they better than you they feel that

life will be better than you and they

need to recalibrate to feeling like ah

actually now I realize what I've lost so

it's like making this thing the problem

is that going from um my partner pestal

to here that means like healing that

means like emotional regulation that

means like feeling less anxious working

on being more secure okay and that's a

bit painful

and that's why you know um as a

therapist I can I help people in that

phase not only looking at assessing

those things but helping with the

emotional regulation as

well if this relationship was important

you will hear from your ex so I think a

lot of people they tell me that oh yeah

should I break break no contact should I

if your relationship was

meaningful of course your ex will you'll

get news or opportunities to hear from

them whether it's for you to break no

contact whether it's from them it

depends but you will have an opportunity

don't worry about that don't worry about

like I need to contact them right now

the question is is to find answers

yourself because right now it's not

about the answers you get from them

because you won't get those answers

right now right it's really understand

you know take some time keep a journal

answer those questions maybe ask your

friends ask your family ask people who

knew um your ex and and saw you in that

relationship and ask them how did you

feel about our relationship very often

we fail to recognize some blind spots um

and some people see things that we we

don't

necessarily when you'll be in touched if

you do the work if you do this uh

assessment properly you'll be more

equipped right because you'll have way

more insight and again in terms of the

emotional regulation you'll be able

to present yourself in the best possible

way in the sort of solution oriented way

rather than I want to get you back at

all cost please take me back I beg you

I'm nothing without you no no no it's

going to be like okay we had this

challenge we had those things that we

need to work out together and this is my

plan in a way okay it's way way more

efficient than like I need to get my I

need to get you I'm nothing with you I

love you so much um it's not in the

script but that reminds me your ex

won't get back with you if you tell them

that you love them okay they know it

already and it's not by proving your

love that they will change their mind

it's really not about that what will

change their mind is that they if they

see that another relationship can be can

be possible whether the dynamic whether

the thing that we're not working has

been removed and so there's an element

of your personal growth and there's an

element and this is a thing we can't

control of them accepting that there's

an alternative and that you can't

control and that's why it's very

important for you to understand

that it's impossible to have a you know

100% success rate when it comes to

getting back with the next and I never

never ever ever promise anyone you'll

get back together I'm always super

cautious I have a feeling whether you're

in the right direction I have the

feeling I can sense especially when we

are in touch on WhatsApp with a tone of

the message that is going in the right

direction and the person is starting to

open up to the idea etc etc but there's

always an element of uncertainty when it

comes to dealing with people that what

makes my job so fascinating if you have

any question don't hesitate to shoot

them on the comment section and I'll see

you next time byebye

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