Mike Birbiglia Admits Why He Didn't Want Kids | Netflix Is A Joke

Netflix Is A Joke

20 May 202004:10

Summary

TLDRIn this humorous monologue, the speaker shares their experience returning home after a long trip, only to be confronted with the idea of having children by their partner, Jen. They express their strong aversion to the idea, comparing it to a disease, and humorously discuss the social pressures to procreate. The conversation with Jen reveals their unwavering stance on not wanting children, despite her playful suggestion of having one on her own while staying married.

Takeaways

🛬 The speaker arrives at JFK airport and heads to the apartment, feeling exhausted and comforted by the couch.
🍵 Jen provides the speaker with mint tea and hot-and-sour soup, showing care and support.
😂 The speaker humorously compares having children to a disease, suggesting it negatively affects people's lives.
🧟 The speaker jokes about friends who have children behaving like 'zombies', urging others to have kids as well.
🔫 The speaker uses a zombie metaphor to describe the pressure from friends to have children, implying it's something to avoid.
🤣 Shared laughter between the speaker and Jen indicates a lighthearted and humorous conversation about children.
🚫 Jen suggests that having a baby might be different for them, but the speaker is adamant about not wanting children.
🔄 The speaker recalls being clear about not wanting children when they got married, but Jen believes feelings might change.
🤷‍♀️ Jen proposes the idea of having a child independently while staying married, which the speaker rejects humorously.
🤔 The speaker questions Jen's logic about a baby not changing their lifestyle, implying it's a naive perspective.
🏋️ The speaker lists seven reasons for not wanting children, starting with a lack of desire to reproduce more of themselves.

Q & A

What is the first thing the speaker does after landing at JFK?
-The speaker takes a cab to their apartment and collapses on their beloved couch.
What does Jen prepare for the speaker when they return home?
-Jen gets the speaker some mint tea and hot-and-sour soup.
What is the speaker's opinion on people with kids?
-The speaker humorously suggests that people with kids are miserable and compares having kids to a disease.
Why does the speaker feel that having kids is like a disease?
-The speaker believes it's like a disease because those with kids seem to want others to have kids too, similar to how zombies in movies want others to become like them.
What is the speaker's view on the idea of having children?
-The speaker is strongly against having children, stating they have never wanted to have a kid for seven specific reasons.
How does the speaker describe their stance on having children before getting married?
-The speaker claims they were very clear with their partner, Jen, that they never wanted to have a child when they got married.
What is Jen's response when the speaker insists on not wanting to have a child?
-Jen suggests that she might have a baby on her own and they can still stay married.
What humorous analogy does the speaker use to describe the idea of Jen having a child with someone else?
-The speaker compares it to a zombie scenario, suggesting the child would be a mix of Jen and a grad student, implying an undesirable outcome.
What does the speaker argue about the impact of having a child on their lifestyle?
-The speaker argues that having a child would change the way they live their lives, contrary to Jen's belief that it wouldn't.
What is the speaker's first reason for not wanting to have a child?
-The speaker's first reason is that they have never felt there should be more of them in the world.
How does the speaker's body comparison relate to their view on having children?
-The speaker compares their body to someone who is about to start a fitness program but doesn't follow through, suggesting they are not the 'fittest' and thus not the best candidate for procreation.

Outlines

00:00

😄 Reflections on Parenthood and Friendship

The speaker humorously recounts their return from a trip to JFK, where they express their disdain for having children, comparing it to a disease that others want them to catch. They lament losing friends to parenthood, likening parents to zombies urging others to join their miserable state. They joke about the absurdity of the situation and the drastic measures one might take to avoid it, like using a shotgun or a samurai sword as a metaphor for the drastic changes in a person's life after having a child.

😅 The Unexpected Twist in a Childfree Marriage

In this paragraph, the speaker shares a conversation with their spouse, Jen, about the possibility of having a child. Despite the speaker's clear stance on remaining childfree, Jen suggests that having a baby might be different for them, sparking a humorous and tense exchange. The speaker uses a zombie metaphor to express their resistance to the idea, with Jen playfully suggesting she might have a child on her own, leading to a series of comical and absurd scenarios that highlight the speaker's commitment to their childfree lifestyle.

🤔 The Seven Reasons for a Childfree Life

The speaker begins to list their reasons for not wanting children, starting with the belief that there should not be more of them in the world. They humorously reflect on their own characteristics, suggesting that they are not the 'fittest' to contribute to the gene pool. The paragraph ends abruptly, leaving the audience intrigued about the remaining reasons and the speaker's overall perspective on parenthood.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡JFK

JFK stands for John F. Kennedy International Airport, a major international airport located in New York City. In the script, it is mentioned as the place where the speaker lands, indicating the start of their journey home after presumably being away.

💡Cab

A cab refers to a taxi, a type of vehicle for hire with a driver, used to transport passengers. The script mentions taking a cab to the speaker's apartment, which is a common mode of transportation in urban areas.

💡Mint Tea

Mint tea is a popular beverage made from steeping mint leaves in hot water, often sweetened. In the script, Jen gets the speaker some mint tea, which could be seen as a comforting gesture after a long journey.

💡Hot-and-Sour Soup

Hot-and-sour soup is a traditional Chinese soup known for its tangy and spicy flavors. It is mentioned in the script as another comforting item provided by Jen, suggesting a sense of care and attention to the speaker's well-being.

💡Children

Children are young humans below the age of puberty or adolescence. The video's theme revolves around the speaker's views on having children, with the script containing humor and personal anecdotes about their reluctance to become a parent.

💡Disease

In the script, the speaker humorously compares having children to a disease, suggesting that it is something they want to avoid. This metaphor is used to emphasize the speaker's strong feelings against parenthood.

💡Zombies

Zombies are fictional creatures often depicted as reanimated corpses with no consciousness. The speaker uses the zombie metaphor to describe parents who, in their view, seem to have lost their individuality and want others to 'join' them in their state.

💡Survival of the Fittest

Survival of the fittest is a phrase from evolutionary biology, meaning that those best adapted to their environment are more likely to survive and reproduce. The speaker uses this term to argue that they, as an individual, do not feel the need to reproduce.

💡P90X

P90X is a popular home-based fitness program. The speaker humorously refers to having the body of someone who is about to start P90X but then doesn't, indicating a lack of commitment or discipline, which is part of their self-deprecating humor.

💡Marriage

Marriage is a legally or formally recognized union of two people. In the script, the speaker mentions being clear about not wanting children when they got married, highlighting the importance of communication and shared values in a relationship.

💡Grad Student

A grad student refers to a graduate student, someone pursuing a master's or doctoral degree. The speaker uses this term in a hypothetical scenario where Jen might have a child with someone else, adding to the humor and absurdity of the situation.

Highlights

The speaker lands at JFK and experiences the comfort of their beloved couch.

Jen provides mint tea and hot-and-sour soup, showing care for the speaker's well-being.

Speaker humorously compares people with kids to zombies, suggesting a drastic life change.

The speaker jests about the idea of having children, likening it to a disease.

The speaker uses humor to describe the pressure from friends to have children.

A discussion about having children leads to a light-hearted comparison to killing zombies.

The speaker and Jen share a moment of laughter over the topic of children.

Jen suggests that having a baby could be different for them, contrary to the speaker's belief.

The speaker playfully rejects the idea of having a child, using a gun cocking sound as a metaphor.

The speaker recalls being clear about not wanting children when they got married.

Jen proposes the idea of having a child independently while staying married.

The speaker humorously imagines the scenario of Jen having a child with someone else.

The speaker argues that having a child would inevitably change their lifestyle.

The speaker lists seven specific reasons for not wanting to have a child, starting with a lack of desire to replicate themselves.

The speaker uses self-deprecating humor about their physical fitness in relation to survival of the fittest.