Life advice for guys in their 20s (I'm 40)

Summary

In this reflective video, JJ, who just turned 40, shares life lessons and advice for younger viewers, emphasizing the unique freedom and opportunities of one's 20s. He encourages taking risks, being ambitious, and maintaining physical health, while acknowledging that opinions and perspectives evolve with age. With a blend of personal anecdotes and wisdom, JJ offers a nuanced view on life choices, the importance of experience, and the overrated nature of advice, advocating for self-discovery and personal growth.

Takeaways

• 🎉 Embracing Milestones: JJ turned 40 and reflects on the significance of milestone birthdays as moments of self-reflection and advice-giving.
• 🤔 Questioning Youthful Advice: The speaker notes that many young YouTubers offer life advice but questions the depth of their insights due to their age.
• 👴 Valuing Experience: As an older individual by YouTube standards, JJ aims to share life perspectives gained over decades, especially for young male viewers.
• 🔑 The Power of Freedom: In your 20s, you have unparalleled freedom to experiment with life choices, which is a special and fleeting period.
• 🏠 Trade-offs of Adulthood: As one progresses into their 30s and beyond, life choices such as marriage, children, and homeownership limit freedom but represent well-considered decisions.
• 🚀 Prioritizing Experiences: The speaker encourages making the most of one's 20s by doing things that could lead to regret if not pursued, like traveling or starting a business.
• 💡 Perspective on Risk: Risks and sacrifices made in one's 20s matter less than those made later in life due to the longer time to recover from mistakes.
• 🌱 Growth from Failure: Failure in one's 20s can be a stepping stone to wisdom, as it often comes from trying new things and taking risks.
• 📈 Ambition Matters: Success often comes to those who are ambitious and put themselves in positions where opportunities arise, rather than being extraordinary.
• 💪 Physical Fitness: Establishing good health and fitness habits in one's 20s is crucial for maintaining them in later life.
• 🧠 Changing Opinions: People's views and ideas naturally evolve over time, and it's important to be open to changing one's mind based on new evidence.
• 🤝 Intergenerational Friendships: Engaging with people of different ages can provide fresh perspectives and unique conversation topics.
• 💬 Advice is Overrated: Most people have a limited ability to give or take advice effectively, and true lessons often come from personal experiences rather than external advice.

Q & A

What is the significance of turning 40 according to the speaker?

The speaker views turning 40 as a symbolic moment, although they admit it doesn't feel like a big deal. It's a milestone that prompts reflection on life advice and the perspectives gained over the decades.

Why does the speaker question the depth of insights offered by younger YouTubers?

The speaker suggests that younger individuals may lack the perspective that comes with age, implying that their life advice might not be as profound or well-informed as that of someone with more life experience.

What obligation does the speaker feel towards their young male viewers?

The speaker feels a strong obligation to provide higher caliber advice to young male viewers, as they believe young men are in need of better guidance from internet sources.

What was the speaker's relationship with Shawn, and how did it influence their perspective on life?

Shawn was a mentor to the speaker when they were in their late teens and early 20s, being 15 years older. His reflections on life in one's 20s as a special time of freedom and exploration greatly influenced the speaker's own perspective.

How does the speaker describe the freedom experienced in one's 20s?

The speaker describes the freedom in one's 20s as unparalleled, with the ability to experiment with various aspects of life such as jobs, living situations, relationships, and hobbies without the constraints that may come later in life.

What are the trade-offs that come with settling into middle age, according to the speaker?

The speaker mentions that settling into middle age often involves getting married, having children, and owning a home, which while fulfilling, limits the freedom experienced earlier in life due to the responsibilities and commitments that come with these milestones.

Why is it important to make the most of one's 20s without regrets, as per the speaker?

The speaker emphasizes that making the most of one's 20s is important to avoid regrets in middle age, as the doors closed during this phase will never reopen, and one should not be burdened by thoughts of missed opportunities.

What does the speaker suggest about the nature of risks and sacrifices made in one's 20s?

The speaker suggests that the risks and sacrifices made in one's 20s matter less than those made later in life due to the longer time available to recover from mistakes and the potential for growth and learning from these experiences.

How does the speaker view the role of ambition in one's life, especially during the 20s?

The speaker views ambition as crucial, suggesting that those who achieve significant success often did so because they were ambitious when it mattered, choosing to put themselves in situations where opportunities could arise.

What advice does the speaker give regarding physical health and fitness as one ages?

The speaker advises that what is established in one's 20s regarding physical health, such as exercise routines and diet, is critically important as it provides a foundation that can help maintain fitness and health in subsequent decades.

How does the speaker's perspective on opinions and ideas change as one grows older?

The speaker acknowledges that their own opinions and ideas have changed over time, contrary to their earlier belief that they would never change their mind on important matters. They suggest that it's reasonable to reassess one's beliefs in light of new evidence and experiences.

What is the speaker's final point about the value of advice?

The speaker's final point is that advice is overrated, as most people have a limited ability to give or take advice effectively. They suggest that the best approach is to state one's opinion and then move on, without pressuring others to follow it.

Outlines

00:00

🎉 Embracing the Freedoms and Choices of Your 20s

In this paragraph, the speaker, JJ, reflects on turning 40 and the significance of milestone birthdays. He critiques the life advice given by younger YouTubers, suggesting that more seasoned individuals like himself can offer a unique perspective. JJ emphasizes the importance of freedom during one's 20s, a time when individuals have the opportunity to explore various life paths without the constraints that come with later life stages such as marriage, children, and homeownership. He encourages young men to take advantage of this freedom to experiment and avoid regrets in their middle age.

05:01

🚀 The Importance of Ambition and Taking Risks in Your 20s

JJ discusses the tendency of people in their 20s to underestimate their potential and the importance of having ambition. He points out that many successful individuals are not necessarily more talented, but they were ambitious at key moments in their lives. The speaker also touches on the idea that as one ages, opportunities become fewer, and it's crucial to be proactive in seeking out chances for success. He shares personal experiences of failed career attempts in his 20s, illustrating that the time to experiment and recover from mistakes is much longer during this period of life.

10:04

💪 Maintaining Physical Fitness and Healthy Habits Across the Decades

This paragraph focuses on the physical changes that come with age and the importance of establishing healthy habits early on. JJ dispels the myth that physical decline is inevitable, citing examples of men who remain fit and attractive well into middle age. He attributes his own good health and appearance to lifestyle choices made in his 20s, such as abstaining from harmful substances and incorporating regular exercise. The speaker advocates for making health and fitness a part of one's identity to ensure lasting habits.

15:06

🔍 The Evolution of Opinions and the Value of Intergenerational Friendships

JJ acknowledges that opinions and ideas change over time, even for someone who once believed their principles were unshakeable. He admits to having shifted his views on various issues as new evidence and experiences have come to light. The speaker also highlights the value of intergenerational friendships, which allow for fresh perspectives and a broader understanding of the world. He concludes by suggesting that advice, while potentially valuable, is often overrated and that personal experiences and self-reflection are more likely to lead to meaningful life lessons.

🌟 Reflecting on Life Advice and the Power of Personal Experience

In the final paragraph, the speaker shares his thoughts on the limitations of advice-giving and receiving. He notes that people are often resistant to advice that doesn't align with their own inclinations or preconceived notions. JJ suggests that the most impactful lessons come from one's own experiences and observations. He advises viewers to share their opinions without expecting others to follow them, understanding that the true value of advice may only be recognized in hindsight.

Keywords

💡Freedom

Freedom in this context refers to the unrestricted liberty to make choices and take actions without significant constraints. It is a central theme in the video, emphasizing the unique opportunities available during one's 20s to explore different life paths. The speaker mentions the freedom to experiment with jobs, apartments, cities, and relationships as a defining aspect of this life stage, contrasting it with the more settled life that often comes with age.

💡Perspective

Perspective is the individual point of view or insight shaped by one's experiences and age. The video discusses the value of perspective gained over time, suggesting that younger individuals may lack the depth of understanding that comes with age. The speaker, being 'relatively old by YouTube standards,' aims to share the perspective acquired over decades, offering a different viewpoint to the younger audience.

💡Mentor

A mentor is someone who provides guidance and advice based on their own experiences. In the script, the speaker recalls a mentor named Shawn, who was 15 years older and imparted wisdom about the importance of the 20s. This relationship exemplifies the value of learning from those who have traversed the path before us, enriching our understanding and decision-making.

💡Ambition

Ambition is the strong desire and determination to achieve something, often requiring courage and initiative. The video encourages ambition, especially in one's 20s, as a driving force behind seizing opportunities and taking risks. It contrasts those who achieve success with those who hold back due to self-doubt, highlighting the importance of aiming high and being proactive.

💡Trade-offs

Trade-offs refer to the process of balancing competing demands or choosing between alternatives, often involving giving up one thing to get another. The speaker discusses how life transitions, such as marriage and parenthood, involve trade-offs, such as reduced personal freedom, but these are willingly accepted as part of a long-term life plan.

💡Regret

Regret is a feeling of sadness or disappointment over something that one wished had done or happened differently. The video warns against the burden of regrets in middle age, advising to make the most of one's 20s to minimize the 'what ifs' later in life. It suggests that being conscious of the freedom in the 20s can help in making decisions that one will not regret.

💡Experimentation

Experimentation is the act of trying out new methods, ideas, or experiences to learn more about them or to achieve a desired outcome. The video script encourages experimentation during one's 20s, suggesting that this is a time of life with less to lose and more time to recover from mistakes, which can lead to valuable life insights and wisdom.

💡Physical Decline

Physical decline refers to the natural aging process that affects one's health and physical abilities over time. The speaker acknowledges this aspect of aging but also emphasizes the importance of maintaining fitness and health, suggesting that what one establishes in their 20s, such as exercise routines and healthy habits, is critical for maintaining good physical condition in later life.

💡Opinions and Ideas

Opinions and ideas are the beliefs and thoughts one holds about various subjects. The video discusses how these can evolve and change over time, even for the speaker himself, who once believed his principles were unshakable. It illustrates the importance of being open to new evidence and experiences that may alter one's viewpoints.

💡Advice

Advice in this context is guidance or recommendations offered based on experience or knowledge. The video concludes with the notion that advice is overrated, suggesting that most people have limited ability to give persuasive advice and that individuals often resist unsolicited advice unless it aligns with their own inclinations or conclusions. It implies that personal experience and self-discovery are more influential in shaping one's life than external advice.

Highlights

JJ reflects on turning 40 and the symbolic importance of milestone birthdays.

Critique of young YouTubers offering life advice, suggesting they lack the perspective of experience.

The importance of sharing insights gained over the decades with a younger audience.

The special nature of one's 20s as a time of unparalleled freedom and experimentation.

The transition into one's 30s often involves settling down with family and home, limiting future freedom.

The importance of making decisions in one's 20s without regrets to avoid middle-age distractions.

Emphasizing the value of taking risks and experiencing failure in one's 20s to gain wisdom.

Observation that ambition in one's 20s can lead to significant opportunities and success.

The reality that many people in power are ordinary, but their ambition set them apart.

The advice to not let self-doubt prevent one from aiming high and taking opportunities.

The role of physical fitness and the importance of maintaining habits established in one's 20s.

JJ's personal health choices in his 20s that contributed to his current well-being.

The evolution of opinions and ideas over time, and the futility of holding onto rigid beliefs.

The importance of intellectual modesty and being open to changing one's mind with new evidence.

The value of intergenerational friendships for fresh perspectives and unique conversations.

The overrated nature of advice, suggesting that most lessons come from personal experience.

The best approach to giving advice is to state your opinion without pressuring others to follow it.

JJ's closing thoughts on the value of his advice and his desire to be useful to the younger generation.

Transcripts

Hello friends my name is JJ and I just

turned 40 this week it is a pretty big

symbolic moment as these rued number

birthdays always are doesn't really feel

like that big of a deal though I must

say now here on YouTube you will find no

shortage of people offering you life

advice telling you how the world really

works and that sort of thing but I

noticed a lot of these people are also

very young and it is probably fair to

question the depth of their insights not

saying you can't have useful things to

offer the world at age 23 but

perspective probably isn't one of them

as someone who is relatively old by

YouTube standards I have made a couple

of videos in the last few years

attempting to share some of the

perspective that I've gained over the

decades just because I like to think

that maybe I can offer a different point

of view to my young audience than what

they usually hear I feel a strong

obligation towards my young male viewers

in particular just because everybody's

always saying these days that young men

are in need of a higher caliber of

advice from internet weirdos than they

are currently getting so let me take

another crack when I was in my late

teens and early 20s I had a mentor named

Shawn who was 15 years older than me and

I was very close to and I have this very

vivid memory of him once talking to me

in this wistful way about life in your

20s and what a special time that is and

I think about Sean's words more and more

as I get further and further away from

my own 20s and I realize just how right

he was for most people your 20s are

special because they are your

introduction to adulthood but are also

defined by a lot of variables that you

will never get to experience in

adulthood again and even though it might

sound cliche a lot of those variables

come down to just one word freedom in

your you enjoy unparalleled freedom of

choice to experiment with different jobs

different apartments different cities

different friends different romantic

Partners different Hobbies different

subcultures and again I know that this

sounds cliche so it might be more useful

if I frame this freedom in the context

of what comes after by the time your 30s

come to a close you will likely be

married have children and own your own

home these developments will limit your

freedom but you'll be fine with that

because those limitations will represent

the culmination of a lot of

well-considered decisions about the sort

of long-term life that you want to lead

they tradeoffs that you're happy to make

but they are trade-offs just the same

settling into middle AG means closing a

lot of doors that will never be reopened

which is why it's important that by the

time you get to your door closing in

Phase you are not burdened by regrets

you don't want your enjoyment of your

happy stable middle-aged life to be

constantly distracted by taunting

thoughts of all of the things you could

have done before you got a wife and

house and kids and career but never did

I mean everybody in middle age gets

those thoughts to some extent but you

can certainly seek to limit them by

being conscious of the freedom you have

in your 20s and putting a priority on

doing what you can while you can that

could mean any anything from spending a

month in some exotic foreign country to

starting your own business to getting a

second degree to trying your hand at

being a professional YouTuber the

possibilities are truly endless I don't

know why I said pasta now I know that

when you were in your 20s it is easy to

get anxious about stuff like oh that

will be too expensive or oh that'll be a

big waste of time but again a lot of

that anxiety comes from a lack of

perspective it is hard to appreciate

this in the moment but a lot of the

risks and sacrifices that you make in

your 20s just matter a lot less than the

ones you will make later on and this is

just because your time to recover from

the mistakes that you make in your 20s

is so much longer I mean part of the

reason why I didn't become a YouTuber

till I was in my 30s was because I spent

much of my 20s pursuing a career in TV

news that didn't wind up going anywhere

and before that I was an ESL teacher in

Japan and that didn't go anywhere either

the point is you have a lot of time to

experiment and a lot of time to bounce

back this might sound a bit weird but

sometimes I actually feel a bit

remorseful that I didn't experience more

failure in my 20s just because failure

is often a proxy for trying and it is

only by being brave enough to try new

things and take risks that we gain the

kind of insight into the varied

experiences of life that help build

wisdom in our later years which leads me

to the next thing I want to talk about

which is ambitiousness in addition to

the nervousness that the bad decisions

that we make in our 20s will be a lot

more damaging in the long term than they

usually wind up being I think that too

many guys in their 20s hold themselves

back by dreaming too small as anyone who

has spent any time in the proverbial

Halls of power will tell you it is often

pretty shocking to observe up close the

caliber of people who wind up in of

stuff whether that's a big Corporation

or a government or a university or

whatever it's not that they're morons

it's just that they tend to be kind of

underwhelming and ordinary as opposed to

some super talented group of super

humans who exist as a class apart from

the rest of us no the biggest difference

is often just that these people had

ambition when it mattered they chose to

put themselves in situations where

opportunities presented themselves

whether that man volunteering their

labor attending public meetings

befriending Big Shots stuff like that as

the famous Woody Allen quote puts it 80%

of success is showing up being in your

40s increasingly means being the same

age as a lot of the people that are

running the world that guy that Trump

picked to be his VP is literally just a

few days younger than me and when you

find yourself in this situation it is

easy to get a bit resentful and think

why is that guy in charge he's no better

than me and it's true he probably isn't

any better than you but he also probably

had less self-d doubt about himself when

it mattered and chose not to be

intimidated out of Aiming High and this

is true for Stuff Beyond just work as

well ambition defines everything from

what sort of vacations you take to what

sort of people you date we only pursue

the opportunities that we have convinced

ourselves we are capable of the director

Nora Efron has this great quote of boot

having a baby where she says the fact

that I did it doesn't mean I'm the sort

of person who can do it and I feel like

so much of life is like that some people

just do things in spite of themselves

while others fret endlessly about not

being the sort of person who has a right

to do it but a lot of being the right

sort of person is just a matter of self

selection so don't be so quick to skip

over yourself for consideration now in

my last video about getting older I

talked a bit about physical decline as

something that you become more aware of

as you age and that's definitely true my

doctor is currently telling me that I

need to get an MRI because there is a

history of heart problems in my family

that tend to manifest after age 40 and

that's a sort of unsettling thing that

now I have to think about for the first

time but that said having rewatched my

old video I do kind of regret portraying

physical decline in overly passive terms

specifically this idea that a lot of

guys get in much worse shape as they get

older and experience a decline in

self-esteem as a result and while that

does happen it doesn't always happen in

fact as I've gotten older I have been

consistently inspired and impressed by

how many guys are able to stay fit and

healthy and frankly hot well into their

40s and Beyond but the key term that you

hear a lot when it relates to physical

fitness and middle age is maintain

because just as you cannot decline from

nothing you cannot stay fit and healthy

from nothing either what you establish

in your 20s is critically important

whether that means the exercise routine

you follow or the muscle that you build

or the diet that you eat just because

that at least gives you much better odds

of being able to stay in good shape in

the subsequent Decades of your life in

my own case the reason why I think I

have been able to stay relatively thin

and have high energy and maintain fairly

youthful looking hair and skin is

because in my 20s I decided that I was

not ever going to drink or smoke or do

drugs or even consume caffeine and that

I was going to integrate going for long

walks into my daily routine and because

I've managed to stick to all of that

over the decades upholding these

decisions has become so deeply

integrated into the texture of my daily

existence that I don't even think that

much about it I am definitely a big

believer in the idea that if you really

want to build lasting habits you have to

make them part of your identity like

telling yourself and others I don't

drink or I go to the gym as opposed to I

am not going to drink today or I am

going to go to the gym today as these

unusual deviations from your Norm I also

just want to say I don't think it is

wrong to have some degree of Pride or

even vanity for your looks as part of

this motivation I've seen a lot of young

guys tie themselves in knots trying to

rationalize why they want to start

working out because they feel shame to

admit that they just think they would

look cooler with bigger muscles but I

can assure you when you are in your 30s

and 40s and you're bigger and stronger

than all of your friends because you use

that Pride to motivate you to maintain

your workout regime you're probably not

going to feel too embarrassed about it

all right now let us talk about opinions

and ideas yours are going to change over

time I honestly did not think it would

happen to me but it did I actually have

a pretty cringe memory of thinking to

myself when I was in my 20s I have such

Rock Solid principles I will never

change my opinion on anything important

I have it all figured out but of course

the complete opposite happened I have

changed my mind on all sorts of things

because the world ruined me has changed

in the 40 years that I've been alive

I've seen different politicians come and

go different policies succeed and fail

different ideas Fall in and out of

fashion while I like to think that my

general disposition has stayed pretty

consistent over time I have definitely

gotten more conservative on some issues

where I used to be quite liberal and

more liberal on some issues where I used

to be very conservative the world is in

a constant state of flux and it is both

sane and reasonable to second guess your

prior assumptions in the wake of new

evidence another favorite quote of mine

comes from the famous economist John

mayard kees involving some possibly

apocryphal interaction he had with one

of his critics the critic is like I've

been reading your stuff for a long time

Mr keen and it seems to me that your

arguments have been pretty inconsistent

over the years and Kane's replies when

the facts change I change my mind what

do you do sir what this means is that it

is probably best to carry yourself with

some degree of intellectual modesty in

your 20s especially these days you don't

want to humiliate your future self by

going on the record proclaiming all of

these righteous sweeping conclusions

about the world before you've had a

chance to see that much of it now I

realize that might come off as a little

condescending like an annoyed Boomer

just trying to get the kids to sit down

and shut up but that's not what I mean I

think it is perfectly fine to have an

Express opinion in your 20s but you just

got to be aware that there's a very high

likelihood that you won't think those

things forever so I would advise picking

your intellectual battles carefully now

that said it's not like this is a

perfectly oneway thing either while I

enjoy it when my younger friends defer

to my ability to offer historic context

to things like Trends or current events

I also like deferring to their ability

to see things that are familiar to me

with fresh perspectives and novel

insights which is of course one of the

big reasons why it is important to have

intergenerational friendships since they

allow you to enjoy so many unique Styles

and subjects of conversation and that is

perhaps a good transition to my final

and most contrarian point which is that

advice is overrated what I mean by this

is just a general concession to the

reality that most of us have a rather

limited ability to give genuinely

persuasive advice as well as take it

from others this isn't really anybody's

fault and it's certainly not some unique

failing of young people I've just

realized as I've gotten older that it is

very difficult for any of us to apply

other people's abstract principles of

life to the unique specifics of our own

as the historian Robert Conquest once

said everybody is conservative about

what know best and there is nothing that

we know better than ourselves and what

this means I have found is that most of

us have an instinctive resistance to

advice unless it syncs up with something

that we want to hear or a conclusion

that we have already reached on our own

this is especially the case with

unsolicited advice which by definition

we never wanted to hear in the first

place most of the big lessons that we

learn and the formative conclusions that

we reach will come from our own

firsthand observations and lived

experiences sometimes those experiences

will make us realize in retrospect that

some advice we heard at one time was in

fact true and wise and I feel like it is

only in those reflective moments that we

truly come to respect advice but more as

an explanation than a prescription and

with that said I feel like the best

strategy when it comes to giving advice

is to just State your opinion and then

move move on don't nag people or pester

them or get annoyed when they don't seem

to be following your brilliant

suggestions that you've laid out for

them just try to find satisfaction in

knowing that you told them what you

think is best and they can take it or

leave it and even if they do leave it

they still might wind up taking it later

and thus concludes my effort at putting

some stuff out there that you can take

or leave hopefully you found it useful

in some small way let me know if you

like videos like this and if do what

other sort of Life related stuff would

you like to hear me app on I care a lot

to boot all of you guys and I want to

feel like I'm doing my best to be useful

to the generation below me so if there's

anything specific that you feel you want

from me just let me know all righty

thank you so much for watching thank you

so much for the birthday wishes do not

forget to like And subscribe and I will

see you next week

beautiful really really beautiful