How to stop getting triggered | Lauren Nanson | TEDxSouthHowardAvenue

Summary

The speaker shares a personal journey of emotional triggers and the development of resilience. Through anecdotes and insights, they explore the difference between truth and being triggered, the impact of overprotection on mental health, and the importance of facing discomfort to build resilience. They introduce a 'CEO' strategy for managing triggers in the moment and encourage embracing challenges to improve relationships and mental well-being, concluding with a call to courage in the face of fear.

Takeaways

• 🎲 The speaker starts with a 'two truths and a lie' game to engage the audience and subtly introduce the topic of triggers.
• 🧠 The concept of 'triggers' is explored, illustrating how they can affect emotions and actions, often leading to irrational behavior.
• 👣 The speaker shares personal experiences of being highly sensitive and emotionally reactive, highlighting a journey from being easily triggered to developing resilience.
• 🏠 A move to Oregon is mentioned as an attempt to escape familiar influences, but it leads to a realization of the speaker's emotional instability.
• 😢 Emotional breakdowns and distrust in authority figures, particularly those with personalities similar to the speaker's father, are described.
• 🏥 A diagnosis of cancer and the subsequent physical and emotional challenges faced by the speaker are revealed, adding depth to the narrative.
• 🎬 Watching a Winston Churchill movie serves as a turning point, prompting self-reflection on the speaker's reactions to perceived injustices.
• 🤔 The idea that anger or discomfort might reveal more about the individual experiencing it than the subject of their anger is introduced.
• 💪 The development of resilience is emphasized as a crucial skill, especially in younger generations who may struggle with emotional sensitivity.
• 📚 Reference is made to 'The Coddling of the American Mind', discussing the negative impacts of overprotection and avoidance of triggers.
• 🧬 A neuroscience study on mice is cited to explain how resilience can alter gene receptors, potentially reducing the effects of trauma.
• 🛠 The 'CEO' strategy (Calm, Envision, Opposite action) is introduced as a practical tool for managing triggers and developing resilience in the moment.
• 🤝 The speaker concludes by emphasizing the importance of courage in choosing to develop resilience, quoting Winston Churchill on fear and courage.

Q & A

What is the purpose of the speaker's introduction with the 'Two Truths and a Lie' game?

The speaker uses the game to engage the audience and to illustrate the concept of triggers, aiming to demonstrate how easily people can be triggered by certain statements or situations.

How does the speaker describe their past behavior when triggered?

The speaker describes their past behavior as impulsive and reactive, often adopting unconventional practices without much thought, and experiencing emotional breakdowns triggered by authority figures or strong personalities.

What personal experience does the speaker share about their struggle with authority figures?

The speaker shares an experience of bursting into tears at a dinner hosted by a charismatic couple, triggered by the husband's personality which reminded them of their father. This incident highlights their sensitivity and difficulty in managing emotions.

What turning point does the speaker describe in their journey towards resilience?

The turning point was watching a Winston Churchill movie and being triggered by his behavior. This led the speaker to a moment of self-awareness, realizing that their anger was more about themselves than Churchill, and started the process of building resilience.

What is the main message the speaker conveys about resilience?

The main message is that resilience involves shifting focus from external triggers to internal control, allowing individuals to handle negative feelings and situations more effectively rather than avoiding them.

What strategy does the speaker introduce for developing resilience, and what does the acronym CEO stand for?

The strategy introduced is called CEO, which stands for Calm, Envision, and Opposite Action. It's a technique to help manage triggers in the moment by calming oneself, envisioning the desired behavior, and taking the opposite action of what the trigger suggests.

How does the speaker use a scientific study to support their message about resilience?

The speaker references a study by the Society for Neuroscience that showed resilient mice could reverse negative gene receptors caused by trauma into positive ones, outperforming medicated mice. This supports the idea that resilience can make individuals stronger if they embrace it.

What impact did developing resilience have on the speaker's relationship with their father?

Developing resilience allowed the speaker to let go of resentment towards their father, leading to a more positive and valuable relationship. They no longer felt triggered by men who reminded them of their father and found enjoyment in such interactions.

What does the speaker suggest is a significant issue contributing to the mental health epidemic in America?

The speaker suggests that the culture of overprotection against negative feelings is a significant issue, as it prevents people from developing resilience and effectively managing their triggers and emotions.

What quote does the speaker leave the audience with, and what is its significance?

The speaker leaves the audience with a quote from Winston Churchill: 'Fear is a reaction, courage is a decision.' This underscores the message that developing resilience and handling triggers involves a conscious choice to act with courage.

Outlines

00:00

🎲 The Game of Triggers and Self-Discovery

The speaker introduces a game of 'Two Truths and a Lie' to engage the audience and subtly reveal personal quirks. They admit to being triggered by various stimuli, leading to a broader discussion on the nature of triggers and their impact on behavior. The speaker shares personal anecdotes, such as imitating a barefoot man and questioning long-held beliefs. Their journey takes them to Oregon, where they experience a toxic inner world, leading to emotional breakdowns and a loss of trust in authority figures. The narrative culminates in a health crisis, forcing a return to Texas and a confrontation with their past.

05:02

🧠 The Awakening of Resilience and Self-Awareness

The speaker recounts a pivotal moment of self-awareness sparked by a Winston Churchill movie, where they question their reaction to the historical figure's behavior. This introspection leads to the realization that their anger might reveal more about themselves than Churchill. The concept of resilience is introduced as a critical skill lacking in younger generations, with statistics highlighting the decline in mental health. The speaker argues against the culture of overprotection and avoidance of triggers, citing a study that suggests resilience can modify the brain's gene receptors, making individuals stronger in the face of adversity.

10:03

🛡️ Developing Resilience with the CEO Strategy

The speaker outlines a strategy called 'CEO' to help individuals develop resilience and maintain composure when triggered. The acronym stands for 'Calm,' 'Envision,' and 'Opposite action,' guiding individuals to first calm themselves, envision their ideal response, and then act in opposition to their initial triggered reaction. The speaker leads the audience through a guided exercise to practice this strategy in a hypothetical social setting. They emphasize the importance of resilience in improving various aspects of life, including relationships and professional interactions, and conclude with a quote from Winston Churchill about the power of courage over fear.

Keywords

💡Trigger

A 'trigger' in this context refers to a stimulus or situation that evokes a strong emotional response, often linked to past trauma or emotional pain. In the video, the speaker uses the concept of being 'triggered' to explore the emotional reactions that can lead to unhealthy behaviors or thought patterns. The speaker's emotional breakdowns and reactions to authority figures are examples of being triggered.

💡Emotional Breakdown

An 'emotional breakdown' is a term used to describe an intense, often overwhelming emotional response that can incapacitate a person temporarily. In the script, the speaker recounts having emotional breakdowns daily, indicating a period of intense emotional turmoil that affected their daily life and well-being.

💡Resilience

Resilience is the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties or to withstand stress and adversity. The speaker discusses developing resilience as a means to manage triggers and emotional responses effectively. The concept is central to the video's theme, as it is presented as a skill that can be developed to improve mental health and emotional stability.

💡PTSD

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition triggered by experiencing or witnessing a terrifying event. The script mentions a study involving mice that developed PTSD, using this to illustrate how avoiding triggers can be detrimental and that resilience can help in overcoming the negative effects of trauma.

💡Overprotection

Overprotection refers to the act of shielding someone from potential harm or distress to an excessive degree. In the video, overprotection is criticized as a factor contributing to declining mental health, suggesting that it prevents individuals from developing the necessary resilience to cope with challenges.

💡Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. While not explicitly defined in the script, the speaker's journey of self-awareness and resilience involves developing empathy for themselves and others, which is crucial for emotional growth and understanding.

💡Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the conscious knowledge of one's own character, feelings, motives, and desires. The speaker's moment of self-awareness while watching a Winston Churchill movie is a turning point in their narrative, leading to introspection and the development of resilience.

💡Toxic

In the context of the video, 'toxic' refers to a negative influence or environment that is harmful to one's mental or emotional state. The speaker describes their inner world as becoming toxic, which contributed to their emotional instability and frequent emotional breakdowns.

💡Cancer

Cancer is a group of diseases characterized by the uncontrolled growth and spread of abnormal cells. In the script, the speaker reveals a diagnosis of cancer, which serves as a significant life challenge that forces them to confront their emotional triggers and begin the process of developing resilience.

💡CEO

In the video, 'CEO' is an acronym for a strategy to develop resilience: Calm, Envision, Opposite action. It represents a method to manage triggers by calming oneself, envisioning a desired response, and then taking the opposite action to the initial emotional reaction. This strategy is presented as a practical tool for immediate use in building resilience.

💡Courage

Courage is the ability to do something that frightens one; it is the quality of being brave. The speaker concludes with a quote from Winston Churchill about courage being a decision, emphasizing that developing resilience and overcoming triggers requires courage, which is a choice one makes in the face of fear.

Highlights

Introduction to the game 'Two Truths and a Lie' to engage the audience.

The speaker's personal anecdotes to illustrate the concept of being 'triggered'.

The realization of the difference between truth and being triggered.

The speaker's journey of questioning conventional mindsets and beliefs.

The experience of moving to Oregon for a cultural change and the subsequent emotional turmoil.

The struggle with trust in authority figures and the emotional impact of strong personalities.

An incident at a group dinner that led to an emotional breakdown due to triggers.

The speaker's reflection on their behavior and the embarrassment it caused.

The connection between emotional sensitivity and becoming more conscious.

The health crisis that led to the discovery of cancer and a move back home.

Watching a Winston Churchill movie as a catalyst for self-awareness and resilience.

The shift in focus from external triggers to internal reactions and self-control.

The concept of resilience and its importance for mental health, especially among younger generations.

The negative impact of overprotection against triggers and its relation to PTSD.

A study on mice and the biological effects of resilience on gene receptors.

The speaker's personal transformation and the development of resilience as a coping mechanism.

The introduction of the 'CEO' strategy for managing triggers and developing resilience.

A guided exercise for the audience to practice the 'CEO' strategy in a hypothetical situation.

The broader implications of resilience on various aspects of life and relationships.

The call to courage in the face of fear as a decision to change and develop resilience.

A closing quote from Winston Churchill emphasizing the power of courage over fear.

Transcripts

[Applause]

foreign

let's play two truths and a lie

you know this game

so I'm going to tell you three things

about myself and you have to guess which

one is the LIE

one

I like to put ketchup on my steak

two

I never got the covet facts

three

I don't really care for Star Wars

how many of you think you know the LIE

well I'm not going to tell you because

here's the game I'm really playing

trying to trigger you

did it work

truth is we all get triggered from time

to time

how many of how many of us think to ask

the question what's the difference

between truth and Trigger

I know I used to do whatever my triggers

told me to do

like once I saw this guy walking along

Barefoot and I stopped wearing shoes

that same day

I did experience a brief feeling of

empowerment from freeing my toes

until I realized shoes were a really

good invention and I put them back on

at that time whenever I saw something

that went against convention I just

joined it right away

I was fresh out of college and adulting

for the first time

and I was beginning to question some of

the mindsets and beliefs that I grew up

with

and I think we all go through a season

where we do this

so I moved out to Oregon to get

something totally different from my home

Texas culture

but just when I was starting to feel I

had found my way out

my whole inner World turned toxic

and became unbearable

you see I would be fine one moment and

then the smallest thing would set me off

and I would have emotional breakdowns

every day

in one conflict I was constantly dealing

with was that I no longer trusted anyone

in authority and I got especially

triggered when someone had a strong

personality

that reminded me of my dad

so I got invited to a group dinner at

this married couple's house

and they were welcoming enough

but the husband was very charismatic and

he told a lot of jokes

kind of like my dad

so we're all sitting in their living

room

and suddenly I burst into tears

and everyone was looking at me wanting

to know what was wrong but I could not

even speak

in reality there was no truth to what I

was feeling the man had done nothing

wrong

but I ended up leaving without

explanation

I look back at this behavior and think

how embarrassing

how did I as a 24 year old adult not

have enough control to get through a

dinner with a nice couple

I was that person

the triggered person

have you ever been that person

honestly

for me it was as if the more conscious I

was becoming the more emotionally

sensitive I was also becoming

and it got to the point where I just

couldn't handle life I got very sick

and no matter how clean I was eating it

wasn't getting any better in fact it was

getting worse and worse until I was

living in a nightmare

with both my emotional and physical

health

and then I would find out it was cancer

so because of how sick I was I could

barely walk across a room

I was forced to stop working leave the

state I had moved to and move back home

with my parents in Texas

which I admit was my worst fear

because of because instead of running as

far away as possible from the pain that

surfaced around my dad I would have to

face it every day

so one day I was lying in bed feeling

terribly sick from chemotherapy

treatments

and I decided to kill some time and I

came across a Winston Churchill movie

now I knew just a little bit about

Winston Churchill at this time

I knew he was a British prime minister

in a World War II hero and people quoted

him all the time

that's about it

so I thought I should probably watch and

find out why he was such a big deal

well as I watched the Winston Churchill

movie I realized he demonstrated

behaviors I was not completely

comfortable with

he shouted impatiently at his female

secretaries

and he had this Savage wit that he would

use against his political opponents

I felt so uncomfortable I almost shut my

laptop in disgust

I guess you could say I was pretty

triggered

that was the first time A Touch of

self-awareness sprouted and I thought to

myself

why am I getting so offended by a dead

war hero who possibly saved the 20th

century

and if the world saw him that way

how could I think that I knew better

What If instead of my anger or telling

me something about Churchill's character

my anger was telling me something about

myself

in a moment the focus shifted off of the

person triggering me who I could not

control and unto myself the one person I

could control

I didn't have a word for it at the time

but I was beginning to develop to

develop a little thing called resilience

resilience

is something that the up-and-coming

generations Millennials and gen Z

honestly don't do very well

although we are very well versed in

psychological buzzwords that have become

commonplace and I'm sure many of you

have said these words just as often as I

have like

my boss is such a narcissist

I'm purging toxic people out of my life

I'm dealing with my childhood trauma

but even as these words of psychology

fill our vocabulary

mental health in America is on the

decline

adolescent depression and suicide rates

have been climbing since 2014.

and right now one of every seven women

at American universities thinks of

herself as having a mental disorder

so what caused this mental health

epidemic

the answer to that is multifaceted and

complex

but there's one thing that is definitely

making it worse

and that is the culture of

overprotection against anything that

causes negative feelings

as Jonathan hate and Greg lukyanov point

out in their book The coddling of the

American mind

avoiding triggers is a symptom of

post-traumatic stress disorder not a

treatment for it

in fact therapists treat trauma patients

by exposing them to the things they find

upsetting at first in small amounts

until they learn to habituate

avoiding triggers altogether can

actually make the situation worse

in the same way the more that we as a

generation avoid the people and the

viewpoints that we find upsetting

the more power they truly have over us

it's time to redevelop the Lost Art of

resilience

a study by the society for Neuroscience

is fascinating on this topic

the study suggests that by simply

applying resilience we can modify our

brain's Gene receptors

so in this study a bunch of mice were

placed in socially traumatizing

situations

and most of them got post-traumatic

stress disorder or PTSD as you would

expect

but a small number of the mice did not

get PTSD strangely enough

so the scientists set those aside the

anomalies

but for the ones who did get PTSD they

medicated some of them with

antidepressants

so afterward they compared all the

mice's brains and here's what they found

the ones with PTSD had developed

negative Gene receptors which caused

anxiety and depression

the ones they medicated they saw a

slight reversal in the gene receptors so

they weren't quite as bad

but here's what was fascinating

those mice that never got PTSD to begin

with

they had taken the negative receptors

from the traumatizing situation and

reverse them into positive receptors in

the other direction far outperforming

the medicated mice

these resilient mice prove that what

doesn't kill you makes you stronger

but only if you let it

I'll never forget the day that I chose

to get stronger after Winston Churchill

offended me

after that

instead of using my triggers to lash out

against anything that caused Injustice I

began to use my triggers like a personal

litmus test to see if I could remain

strong and in control

well I was able to let go of the

resentment I had toward my dad

and I started to gain value from the

relationship

and now I love being around men who

remind me of him

I really do

so skip ahead to years later

after I started to develop this

resilience muscle

I didn't even recognize myself anymore I

found it easier to accept the things

that were conventional if I found them

to be helpful

and many of them were helpful

like shoes

I'm no longer the girl who has emotional

breakdowns in public for no reason at

all

instead I'm standing here speaking to

you all

[Applause]

so how do we develop resilience

well there's a lot that goes into it but

today I'm going to teach you a strategy

that will help you to remain present and

clear-minded the next time that you feel

triggered

and you can do the deeper work later but

this strategy is to help you be strong

in that moment

it's called CEO because you're going to

become the CEO of your own mind

and it's an acronym

so C stands for calm

this is the first step when you feel

triggered to calm yourself

and whether your tendency is fight or

flight you resist it and calm your

adrenaline

e stands for envision

this is where you ask yourself what

would the person I want to be do

if you have a vision for how you want to

be you'll have something to aim for when

your emotions are high

and O stands for opposite action

this is where you do the opposite of

what you feel like doing

so it's not enough to just have a vision

for how you want to be you have to take

an action to make it true

so we're going to practice this together

CEO calm Envision opposite action

and I'm going to ask for your

participation

so I would like everybody to close your

eyes

and I want you to imagine

that you're in a social setting

and the person who triggers you the most

walks into the room

now imagine how you're feeling when you

see this person

some of you are probably feeling pretty

triggered so with your eyes still closed

let's go through CEO

C calm

go ahead and calm your adrenaline

e opposite e is envision

so get a vision for how you want to be

o opposite action so now take an action

opposite of what your trigger is telling

you to do

okay go ahead and open your eyes

how many of you found your opposite

action

that is awesome So eventually with

practice you will flow through this

exercise like clockwork

calm Envision opposite action

and as you develop resilience you will

find yourself in situations where it's

vitally important

it will affect how you respond to being

accused by somebody at work falsely

it will affect how you respond when a

family member tries to push your buttons

it will affect how you interpret things

on the internet which tries to push you

away from things you disagree with

there is no area of life that this skill

will not improve

resilience will ground you and it will

Empower you

and it will keep you from living in a

world that just isn't reality

and you will see your relationships

begin to improve

you'll begin to find good from people

you never thought you could

but it will take a lot of courage to

make this change

so I would like to leave you with a

quote

fear is a reaction

courage is a decision

Winston Churchill

thank you

[Applause]