The Truth About Growing Up Disabled | Dylan Alcott | TEDxYouth@Sydney

Summary

In this inspiring speech, Dylan Alcott reflects on his journey from a self-conscious teenager with a disability to an accomplished Paralympic gold medalist and advocate for disability rights. He shares his early struggles with acceptance and self-esteem, the pivotal moment that changed his perspective, and his commitment to challenging societal perceptions. Alcott emphasizes the importance of representation in media and the need to normalize disability, encouraging a shift in societal attitudes to empower those with disabilities to embrace their potential.

Takeaways

• 😄 The speaker humorously reflects on his awkward teenage years, highlighting the challenges of growing up with a disability.
• 🤔 Dylan struggled with self-esteem issues and the perception of being 'weird' due to his disability during his adolescence.
• 🏠 He faced exclusion from social events, which led to feelings of isolation and a negative self-image.
• 🔓 A pivotal moment occurred when Dylan decided to attend a house party uninvited, realizing that his friends' lack of invitation was due to concern, not rejection.
• 💪 This realization sparked a change in Dylan's attitude towards his disability, leading him to embrace it and live life to the fullest.
• 🏅 Dylan achieved great success, including winning a gold medal at the Paralympic Games, demonstrating the heights that can be reached with determination and self-acceptance.
• 🎉 He also became known for crowd-surfing in his wheelchair at music festivals, symbolizing the joy and freedom that comes from breaking societal expectations.
• 🚫 Dylan emphasizes the need to challenge and change the negative stigma associated with disabilities.
• 📺 He advocates for greater representation of people with disabilities in media to provide positive role models and normalize disability.
• 🌐 Dylan calls for society to mainstream disability, increase visibility, and start conversations to normalize and celebrate diversity.
• 💬 The speaker concludes with a call to action for societal change, hoping for a future where no child feels embarrassed about their disability and all have the confidence to pursue their dreams.

Q & A

What was the speaker's main concern during his teenage years?

The speaker's main concern during his teenage years was his struggle with his disability and the social implications it had on his life, including feeling excluded and different from his peers.

Why did the speaker initially try to delete a particular photo from his memory?

The speaker tried to delete the photo from his memory because it reminded him of a time when he felt awkward and insecure about his appearance, including his hair, lack of eyebrows, and braces.

What was the first significant event that made the speaker realize the impact of his disability on his social life?

The first significant event was when the speaker realized that he was not invited to a close friend's house party, which led him to believe that his disability made him socially undesirable.

How did the speaker's friend explain the reason for not inviting him to the house party?

The friend explained that he did not invite the speaker because he was unsure if the speaker could manage the stairs to his house due to his disability.

What realization did the speaker have after attending the house party uninvited?

The speaker realized that his friends were not excluding him because they disliked him, but because they were not educated about his disability and he had not communicated his needs and abilities to them.

What change did the speaker make in his life after the house party incident?

After the house party incident, the speaker decided to be more social, get fitter, go out more, and not let his disability prevent him from doing what he wanted to do.

What achievement did the speaker mention that he was particularly proud of?

The speaker mentioned that he was particularly proud of winning a gold medal at the Paralympic games in 2008, playing wheelchair basketball for Australia.

What is the common misconception about the term 'Paralympic', according to the speaker?

The common misconception about the term 'Paralympic' is that 'Para' means paraplegic or paralyzed, when in fact it represents 'parallel', indicating that the Paralympics run alongside the Olympics.

What unique activity has the speaker become known for at music festivals?

The speaker has become known for crowd surfing in his wheelchair at music festivals, which he initially started out of necessity and later found to be an incredible experience.

What message does the speaker want to convey about disability and society's perception of it?

The speaker wants to convey that society should change its perception of disability from being a negative and unfortunate condition to recognizing it as a part of diversity. He advocates for mainstreaming disability in media to increase visibility and normalize it.

What does the speaker suggest as a solution to help kids with disabilities feel more confident and included?

The speaker suggests that by mainstreaming disability in media and starting conversations about it, kids with disabilities can feel more confident, included, and not be embarrassed about their condition.

Outlines

00:00

😅 Embracing Insecurities and Overcoming Disability Stigma

The speaker, Dylan, shares a humorous and heartfelt story from his youth, reflecting on a photo of himself at 14 with a peculiar hairstyle and no eyebrows, which he found embarrassing. He discusses the challenges he faced due to his disability, feeling left out and different, especially during social events like house parties. Dylan's turning point came when he attended a party uninvited and realized his friends' lack of invitation was due to concern, not exclusion. This realization led him to embrace his disability and live a fulfilling life, challenging societal perceptions and his own self-doubt.

05:02

🏅 Triumphs and Transformations: From Inclusion to Inspiration

Dylan recounts his journey of personal growth and societal impact, starting with his physical transformation and increased social life, including romantic experiences. He emphasizes the pivotal moment when he decided not to let his disability hinder his aspirations, leading to a gold medal win at the Paralympic Games in 2008. Dylan also highlights the misconceptions about the term 'Paralympic', explaining its true meaning as parallel to the Olympics. He shares his unique experiences, such as crowd surfing in his wheelchair at music festivals, symbolizing breaking barriers and challenging expectations. Dylan concludes this part by reflecting on his past self's limited expectations and expressing gratitude for his current life, including his disability.

10:02

🌟 Advocating for Disability Visibility and Social Change

In the final paragraph, Dylan addresses the broader issue of societal attitudes towards disability, advocating for a change in perception from a burden to a normal part of life. He points out the invisibility of people with disabilities in media and public life, and the negative stigma associated with it. Dylan stresses the importance of mainstreaming disability in media to increase visibility and start conversations that normalize it. He envisions a future where children with disabilities have role models and the confidence to pursue their dreams without shame or limitations, ending his speech with a humorous note on the importance of good personal style.

Keywords

💡Disability

Disability refers to a physical or mental condition that limits a person's movements, senses, or activities. In the video, the speaker's disability is a central theme, affecting his self-perception and social interactions during his teenage years. The speaker's journey from seeing his disability as a burden to embracing it as part of his identity is a powerful narrative that challenges societal stigmas and encourages self-acceptance.

💡Self-esteem

Self-esteem is the value and respect a person has for themselves. The video script illustrates the speaker's struggle with low self-esteem due to his disability, which initially led to social isolation and a negative self-image. His realization and subsequent change in attitude towards his disability significantly boosted his self-esteem, allowing him to live a fulfilling life.

💡Paralympic Games

The Paralympic Games are an international multi-sport event for athletes with disabilities. The speaker mentions winning a gold medal in wheelchair basketball at the Paralympics, emphasizing the high level of competition and the pride associated with representing one's country. This achievement is a testament to the speaker's ability to overcome personal challenges and excel in his sport.

💡Stigma

Stigma refers to a mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person. In the context of the video, the stigma associated with disability is a significant barrier the speaker had to confront. The speaker's personal transformation and advocacy aim to change societal perceptions and reduce the negative stigma surrounding disability.

💡Insecurity

Insecurity is a feeling of uncertainty or anxiety about oneself. The speaker's initial lack of eyebrows, braces, and wheelchair contributed to his feelings of insecurity during his adolescence. These insecurities affected his social life and self-worth, but his later realizations helped him overcome these feelings and embrace his identity.

💡Embrace

To embrace something means to accept or support it willingly. The speaker's decision to embrace his disability was pivotal in his personal growth. By doing so, he was able to participate fully in life's activities and achieve success, both in sports and social settings.

💡Confidence

Confidence is a feeling or belief in one's abilities or qualities. The video script shows that the speaker's lack of confidence due to his disability limited his social interactions. However, building confidence through self-acceptance and social inclusion allowed him to engage more actively in life and achieve his goals.

💡Role Model

A role model is a person who serves as an example, whose behavior is emulated by others. The speaker expresses a desire for more positive role models with disabilities in the media to inspire and give confidence to young people facing similar challenges. The absence of such role models in his youth was a missed opportunity for encouragement and representation.

💡Mainstream Media

Mainstream media refers to the most popular and widely consumed forms of mass media. The speaker advocates for the inclusion of people with disabilities in mainstream media to increase visibility and normalize disability. This inclusion would help to challenge stereotypes and promote a more diverse and inclusive society.

💡Social Inclusion

Social inclusion is the process of ensuring that every individual or group in a society has the opportunity to participate fully in social, economic, and cultural aspects of life. The speaker's personal experiences highlight the importance of social inclusion for people with disabilities, emphasizing the need for societal attitudes to change to accommodate and celebrate diversity.

💡Advocacy

Advocacy is the act of supporting or promoting a cause. The speaker's story is one of personal advocacy, where he uses his experiences to raise awareness and challenge the status quo regarding the treatment and perception of people with disabilities. His call to action encourages society to rethink its approach to disability and to promote a more inclusive and accepting environment.

Highlights

Speaker shares a humorous self-deprecating story about his appearance at 14, including hair and lack of eyebrows.

Mentions the onset of struggles with his disability during adolescence, including social and self-esteem issues.

Recalls the pivotal moment of not being invited to a friend's party due to misconceptions about his disability.

Narrates overcoming his insecurities and attending the party, leading to a realization about the power of communication.

Emphasizes the importance of self-confidence and embracing one's disability rather than being held back by it.

Shares his Paralympic gold medal win and the profound impact it had on his life and self-perception.

Explains the true meaning of 'Paralympic', correcting common misconceptions about the term.

Recounts the emotional experience of winning at the Paralympics and the camaraderie among athletes.

Describes his unique experience of crowd-surfing in a wheelchair at music festivals.

Reflects on the transformative journey from having low expectations to embracing a fulfilling life with a disability.

Expresses his love for his life, stating he wouldn't change his experiences, even with the option to walk.

Discusses the societal stigma around disability and the need for changing perceptions.

Advocates for the mainstreaming of disability in media to increase visibility and normalize it.

Suggests that positive representation in media can instill confidence in young people with disabilities.

Calls for societal change to foster an environment where people with disabilities can excel without embarrassment.

Ends with a light-hearted comment on the importance of good personal style, eliciting laughter and applause.

Transcripts

Translator: Theresa Ranft Reviewer: Rhonda Jacobs

This right here is a photo of me when I was 14 years old.

Now, I know what you're thinking,

'Dylan, mate,

are you sure that's not Ryan Gosling?'

(Laughter)

But, unfortunately, no, this is a photo of me.

Now, for a long time, I tried to delete this photo from my memory,

and to be honest, do you blame me?

Firstly, what the hell is going on with my hair there?

I remember my mum's a hairdresser.

I used to sit in the front seat of her car with a tub of gel and a hairbrush,

and on the way to school every day, I'd sit there thinking,

'Dylan, you have absolutely nailed it!'

(Laughter)

I still don't understand why she let me leave the car.

Also, secondly,

where the hell are my eyebrows?

(Laughter)

Now,

unfortunately for me,

I didn't grow any eyebrows until I was 17 years old.

Now, I understand that I had completely no control over that,

but, as you can imagine, it wasn't really helping my cause, was it?

I also had braces.

I also had my bed in the pantry,

and I was a little bit on the overweight side.

This was really the first time in my life

that I was really struggling with my disability.

Up until this age, I'd never really cared about the fact that I was in a wheelchair.

Everybody was young, nobody really noticed it,

and everything just went along pretty smoothly.

But, at this time, things started to change.

People started going to house parties.

Boys started kissing girls, girls started kissing boys.

Girls starting kissing girls,

and occasionally, boys started kissing boys.

But, absolutely nobody was kissing Dylan,

I can tell you that much.

And it was also about the first time

that I really thought about myself as being weird because I had a disability.

And, to be honest, that really sucked,

and had a really big effect on absolutely everything that I did.

I started having a crap time at school.

It really started affecting my sporting career as well.

For the first time in my life, I was really, really down on myself.

And then, the next year, in Year 9, something happened.

A mate of mine was having a house party.

Now, this was a really good mate of mine.

And previously, I'd never really been invited to that many house parties,

and I thought, 'What a perfect opportunity to go to your first one.

I'm absolutely going to kill it,

and everybody will invite me to all the parties coming up ever since'.

Now, the invites for the party came out, and what do you reckon happened?

I didn't get one.

I didn't get an invite.

And I remember thinking to myself,

'That is bullshit.

Like, I'm actually really good friends with this guy,

how could I not be invited to his party?'

I was sitting at home the day of the party,

and I went to myself, 'I just really, really want to go'.

Now, back in the day when you're 15,16, it was super uncool and lame

to text the person to ask if you can come to the party.

The far more badass thing to do was simply turn up and jump the fence.

(Laughter)

Now, as you could imagine,

jumping, it's not really my forte.

And unless I had some kind of crane or, like, trampoline device ...

(Laughter)

there was no way in hell that I was getting over that fence.

The only way to get in

was to knock on the door and go through the front.

Anyway, I sat at home and I'm like, 'Stuff it.

I'm going to go and see what happens'.

I go to the front door, knocked on the door, and my mate answered.

And he had this really weird, shocked look on his face, like I was there.

I remember thinking to myself, like, 'What have I done?

Why didn't I sit at home and play N64, like I did every other Saturday night?'

Anyway, he looked at me, and he said,

'Dyl, mate, I'm so glad that you came.

I didn't know if you could get in my house because of the stairs,

so I didn't invite you'.

I remember thinking to myself, 'Is that it?

Is that genuinely the only reason that I wasn't invited?'

Anyway, I went in that house party,

absolutely crushed it, had an awesome time.

(Laughter)

I remember the next day, I woke up, and I was really bloody mad at myself.

I was really mad at myself

that I let my insecurities and my embarrassment about my disability

I was really mad at myself that I believed this thing,

this negative stigma that having a disability

makes you weird, makes you different,

and that's the only reason people don't want to hang out with you.

I'm really mad at myself that I didn't just grow a set of balls,

have some confidence, talk to my friends and educate them about my disability.

Now, the only reason I wasn't invited that night

wasn't because they didn't like me,

but it was because I didn't tell them about my disability.

I didn't tell them I could get up the stairs,

and it'll all be fine.

I sat at home for a whole year thinking these people didn't like me.

The only reason that they did was because they weren't educated about disability,

and I really didn't do anything to educate them on it.

So, after that night, things really changed for me.

I started being more social,

I started getting a lot fitter,

I started going out a lot more,

and I even started kissing the odd girl or two.

(Laughter)

After that night, I made a pact with myself.

I made a pact with myself

to never, ever let my disability get in the way of what I wanted to do.

I made a pact with myself to not be scared of my disability,

but rather to embrace it in everything that I did.

Because of that, I've been able to live a truly, incredibly awesome life.

In 2008, I was lucky enough

to win a gold medal at the Paralympic games,

playing basketball for Australia - wheelchair basketball, believe it or not.

This was incredible for me.

Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to go to the Paralympic games.

The Paralympics - for those who don't know -

is the pinnacle of elite sport for people with disabilities.

But a lot of people

don't know the true meaning of the word 'Paralympic'.

The word is actually split in two:

the 'Olympic' part - which represents the Olympics,

the pinnacle of sport -

and the 'Para' part.

There's a common misconception

that the 'Para' part actually means paraplegic or paralysed,

but this isn't the case.

The 'Para' actually represents 'parallel',

meaning the Paralympics runs parallel, or alongside, the Olympics.

Same gold medals, same venues, same elite athletes, same time.

The only difference is obviously we all have disabilities at the Paralympics.

Now, this was awesome in Beijing for me.

I was 17 years old at the time,

so I was still doing my HSC or VCE while I was over there.

To be 17 years old and sit on top of the podium with 12 of your best mates -

guys that had lost limbs to cancer,

other guys that had horrific accidents on their worksites

so were left up in wheelchairs.

Other guys who had car crashes and never be able to walk again

and lost loved ones in the process.

To sit on top of that podium and so proud of what we had done,

singing that national anthem with tears in our eyes -

it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

It really was incredible and something I'll cherish forever.

I've also got a bit of a name for myself

as the dude that crowd surfs in his wheelchair at festivals.

(Laughter)

I've been very lucky to travel around the world

attending different music festivals.

Everybody knows me as,

'You're the guy that crowd surfs in his wheelchair!'

To be honest, the first [time] that I ever did this

was completely out of necessity

because I was sick and tired of sitting in the mosh pit

and looking at all your asses all day.

(Laughter)

You don't understand how much that sucks after a while.

But from the first time I did it, I was absolutely hooked.

It's an incredible feeling, sitting on top of that crowd

in what I like to call the best seat in the house.

It really is incredible.

I think it's a really cool metaphor for people with disabilities as well,

what they can really do,

getting out there, breaking the mould, doing what's unexpected of them.

On a side note, I've only fallen out once.

And don't worry, I didn't get any more disabled from the fall,

so it's all good.

(Laughter)

Now,

when I reflect on my life, I think back to when -

I'm really happy that I can sit here now

and think that all this stuff almost didn't happen to me.

I remember back when I was 14, I think of 14-year-old Dylan, and I think

I had these really low expectations of myself of what I could achieve.

And I let that dictate what I did in everyday life.

I think back to 14-year-old Dylan

who thought of his disability as this really shitty burden

that was really hard to overcome.

I think back to 14-year-old Dylan,

and I think I'm so lucky doing what I'm doing these days.

I'm so glad that I could challenge my own perception

about what I thought about disability.

And to be honest, I can sit here in front of you all today

and tell you 100% honest truth:

if I ever had the chance to go back in time

or eat some kind of magic pill and walk again,

there's no way in hell you could pay me enough to do it.

Because I absolutely love everything in my life,

wheelchair or not.

I wouldn't change it for the world.

But, unfortunately, there are so many kids across the world, all around Australia

that are really struggling socially because of their disabilities.

Disability remains this thing that nobody wants to talk about.

There's still this negative stigma

that having this disability is this weird, unlucky, really ugly thing.

And for kids with disability that don't have any confidence,

it's really hard for them to get over this

and get into the world and do what they want to do.

And it really restricts everything that they want to achieve.

There are heaps of problems in the world:

poverty, refugees, same-sex marriage, gender equality.

They're all very, very important things.

But when the hell do you ever hear anything about disability?

Or when do you ever turn on the TV

and see the first news story about somebody with a disability?

Or when do you turn on your TV and see a wheelchair TV presenter -

sorry, a presenter in a wheelchair?

Or somebody with cerebral palsy in our parliaments?

Or an actual blind actor playing a blind actor,

as opposed to some bloke who's just closing his eyes?

(Laughter)

Now, I remember when I was a kid,

when I was struggling, when I was 14,

I just wish I could have turned on my television

and seen a guy in a wheelchair achieving.

Because it would have made me realise that,

'You know what? I could do that too! That, one day, could be me'.

I wish I had a positive role model in the media

where I could have seen somebody absolutely killing it,

and that would've instilled the confidence in me

to get out there and do whatever I want.

I think it's really important moving forward that we, as a society,

change our perception of disability away from this idea

that it's this really bad, unlucky, weird thing,

and stop being so scared to talk about it.

We need to realise that it's okay to have any disability,

and we need to further our expectations of what people with disabilities can do.

Moving forward, I think in order to do that,

we need to mainstream disability.

Get people with disabilities into our mainstream media,

and that will increase the visibility in a positive light.

We need to make disability heaps more commonplace.

We need to start the conversation about it,

which will go a long way in normalising it.

And then, who knows?

Maybe one day, if we can do that,

these kids, like me, like I used to be,

won't be going through such a tough time.

They won't be embarrassed about their disability ever again.

They'll have the confidence to go out there and do whatever they want.

But, as a society, we really have to hope they pick a much better haircut than that.

Thank you.

(Applause) (Cheers)