Why Pepe Herrera Left The Country and Quit Showbiz For A While | Toni Talks

Summary

El guion de este video ofrece una profunda conversación sobre la vida, el crecimiento personal y la recuperación emocional. La entrevista revela el viaje de un artista que, tras su descubrimiento en 'Rak of Aegis' y un período de éxito en el entretenimiento, enfrenta la agotamiento y la depresión. La historia se adentra en su lucha contra el trastorno maníaco, la terapia, y el uso de medicamentos que empeoran su estado. Finalmente, encuentra alivio a través de la terapia en Tailandia y aprende técnicas para equilibrar su vida y ser un mejor padre, enfocándose en la importancia de sanar el niño interior y transmitir amor y comprensión a su familia.

Takeaways

• 🌸 Ambos están usando kimonos con diseño floral y es la primera vez que lo hacen juntos.
• 🎭 Pepe fue descubierto en 2014 por su actuación en 'Rak of Aegis', lo que lo llevó al mundo del espectáculo.
• 🌍 Pepe trabajó como mesero en un barco antes de convertirse en artista, donde también cantaba canciones clásicas.
• 🧠 Pepe enfrentó problemas de salud mental, incluyendo episodios de ira y ataques de pánico, lo que eventualmente lo llevó a buscar ayuda profesional.
• 💊 Pepe probó antidepresivos, pero no le funcionaron y empeoraron su condición, llevándolo a buscar tratamientos alternativos en Tailandia.
• 🌟 La terapia en Tailandia ayudó a Pepe a aceptar su condición y a comenzar su proceso de curación.
• 👶 Pepe menciona cómo su hija le ayuda a sanar su 'niño interior' y cómo se esfuerza por no transmitirle sus traumas.
• 🛤️ Pepe habla sobre la importancia de la terapia y el apoyo familiar en su proceso de curación y cómo ha aprendido a perdonar y pedir perdón.
• 🔍 Pepe y Toni discuten la importancia de reconocer y sanar traumas infantiles para no transmitirlos a las generaciones futuras.
• 🙏 Pepe utiliza cuentas de gratitud para expresar su agradecimiento por 108 cosas diariamente, lo que forma parte de su práctica de curación y bienestar.

Q & A

¿Cuál fue el primer trabajo de Pepe antes de convertirse en maestro de música?

Pepe trabajó en un barco como camarero que también cantaba canciones clásicas.

¿Cómo descubrieron a Pepe para el mundo del espectáculo?

Fue descubierto después de su actuación en 'Rak of Aegis', donde una señora que estaba en el público, Charo, lo vio actuar y lo contactó.

¿Por qué Pepe decidió dejar todo en 2017 y ir a Nueva Zelanda, Hong Kong y Suiza?

Se sintió agotado debido al estrés y el burnout, y buscaba un cambio y la recuperación de su salud mental.

¿Cómo describió Pepe su experiencia con los antidepresivos?

Dijo que los antidepresivos lo hicieron sentirse como un zombie, sin emociones, y con efectos secundarios negativos en las articulaciones.

¿Qué libro conectó a Pepe con Maxene hace dos años y qué les enseñó?

El libro 'The Untethered Soul' les conectó y les enseñó sobre la importancia de conocerse a sí mismos y la identidad personal más allá de las expectativas de la industria del espectáculo.

¿Cómo ayudó a Pepe a lidiar con su depresión y tendencias suicidas durante su viaje a Suiza?

Decidió volver a casa para buscar terapia y ayuda profesional tras experimentar una profunda depresión y pensamientos suicidas mientras estaba en un teleférico en Suiza.

¿Qué es lo que Pepe aprendió sobre sí mismo durante su proceso de sanación?

Descubrió que también puede ser introvertido y que a veces prefiere estar solo en lugar de siempre querer hacer reír a los demás.

¿Cómo describió Pepe su experiencia con los niños y cómo esto influye en su proceso de sanación?

Dijo que los niños son sensibles y que pueden ayudar a sanar su niñez interior, y que su deseo de ser el mejor padre posible es una de sus principales motivaciones para sanar.

¿Qué técnica utiliza Pepe para expresar su gratitud y conectarse con su mente y emociones?

Usa un rosario llamado 'Santosha beads', donde expresa 108 cosas por las que está agradecido, incluyendo a Dios, la Madre Tierra y el Universo.

¿Cómo aborda Pepe la idea de pedir perdón y cómo esto ha influido en su relación con su familia?

Cree firmemente en la importancia de pedir perdón y recibir disculpas, y ha experimentado momentos de conexión y sanación con sus padres al discutir y llorar juntos sobre el pasado.

¿Qué tácticas utiliza Pepe para manejar sus emociones y evitar transmitir su trauma a su hija?

Cuando se frustra o se molesta, se da cuenta y luego se disculpa con su hija, lo que le ayuda a establecer un ejemplo de cómo manejar las emociones de manera saludable.

Outlines

00:00

👘 Primera experiencia compartida en Toni Talks

El primer párrafo relata la experiencia de dos artistas que, vestidos con kimonos de diseño floral similar, conversan sobre su carrera y sus sueños. Uno de ellos fue descubierto en 2014 gracias a 'Rak of Aegis', una obra que le permitió demostrar sus habilidades y que lo llevó a trabajar en proyectos como 'Starting Over Again' y 'You're My Boss'. También se menciona su experiencia trabajando en un barco antes de convertirse en maestro de música y su transición a la actuación en series y obras de teatro, destacando el desafío de adaptarse a la intensidad de trabajar en un programa de televisión diariamente.

05:03

🌍 Burnout y la búsqueda de la salud mental

El segundo párrafo narra la lucha del protagonista con el agotamiento y su viaje por diferentes países en busca de sanación. Se describe cómo la fama y el éxito le trajeron presión y depresión, lo que lo llevó a experimentar episodios de ira y pánico, incluyendo un incidente que lo llevó a buscar ayuda médica. Se resalta su proceso de recuperación, incluyendo la terapia y la toma de antidepresivos que, en su caso, empeoraron sus síntomas, y su eventual viaje a Tailandia para encontrar un tratamiento más efectivo.

10:06

🌿 La importancia de la autoaceptación y el descubrimiento personal

En el tercer párrafo, el protagonista reflexiona sobre su proceso de curación y la importancia de aceptar su condición para sanar. Comparte su experiencia en el New Life Foundation en Tailandia y cómo la aceptación de su depresión como una 'profunda descanso' lo ayudó a entender su necesidad de descanso y afrontar sus traumas internos. También menciona la importancia de ser consciente de los desencadenantes y la necesidad de curar el 'niño interior' para no transmitir traumas a la siguiente generación.

15:08

👨‍👧 La influencia del hijo y la importancia de la sanación intergeneracional

El cuarto y último párrafo explora cómo la presencia de su hija, Payapa, ha influido en el proceso de sanación del protagonista. Se discute la conexión entre la forma en que se educa a los hijos y la prevención de la transmisión de traumas, así como la importancia de enseñarles a expresar sus emociones de manera saludable. El protagonista también comparte técnicas personales para gestionar la frustración y la ira, como el acto de disculpa y la práctica de la gratitud, utilizando cuentas como herramienta para recordar las bendiciones de la vida.

Keywords

💡Kimono

El kimono es un tipo de traje tradicional japonés caracterizado por sus mangas largas y su cierre con cintas. En el video, ambos personajes lucen kimonos con un diseño floral, lo que puede simbolizar la unión y la armonía entre ellos, además de reflejar la belleza y la cultura japonesa.

💡Toni Talks

Toni Talks parece ser un programa o espacio de entrevista donde se desarrolla parte de la conversación. Es importante en el video porque es el escenario donde se comparten experiencias y se profundiza en la vida del entrevistado, destacando su significado y el impacto en sus sueños y aspiraciones.

💡Rak of Aegis

Rak of Aegis es mencionado como la obra que sirvió como punto de partida para el descubrimiento del entrevistado en el mundo del espectáculo. Es un musical filipino que representa no solo un hito en su carrera sino también un catalizador para sus oportunidades futuras en el entretenimiento.

💡Burnout

El burnout, o agotamiento, se refiere a un estado de cansancio extremo, tanto físico como emocional, que lleva a una disminución en la capacidad de funcionamiento. En el video, el entrevistado reconoce haber experimentado burnout debido a la presión y el ritmo acelerado de su vida profesional, lo que lo llevó a tomar la decisión de alejarse y buscar recuperación.

💡Ang Probinsyano

Ang Probinsyano es una serie de televisión filipina que menciona el entrevistado como parte de su trayectoria. Participar en esta serie fue un punto de inflexión en su vida, ya que marcó su entrada en el ámbito de la televisión y le proporcionó una plataforma para el aprendizaje y la exposición a un público más amplio.

💡Depresión

La depresión es un trastorno de la salud mental caracterizado por sentimientos de tristeza profundos y持久, así como una pérdida del interés en las actividades que antes eran placenteras. En el video, el protagonista habla sobre su experiencia con la depresión, que lo llevó a sentirse como un prisionero en su propio cuerpo y a buscar ayuda profesional.

💡Panic Attack

Un ataque de pánico es un episodio súbito de ansiedad intensa que puede incluir taquicardia, dificultad para respirar y temor a morir. En el guion, se describe cómo el protagonista experimentó un ataque de pánico, lo que le hizo cuestionar su salud y su deseo de vivir, y eventualmente, lo llevó a buscar tratamiento.

💡Healing Process

El proceso de sanación se refiere a la serie de acciones y cambios que una persona lleva a cabo para recuperarse de una enfermedad o trauma. En el video, el protagonista aborda su viaje de sanación, incluyendo la terapia, la toma de medicamentos, y la búsqueda de métodos alternativos para abordar su depresión y trastornos de ansiedad.

💡Inner Child

El 'niño interior' es un concepto que representa las partes de uno mismo que se forman en la infancia y que siguen influyendo en la vida adulta. En el video, el protagonista reflexiona sobre la importancia de sanar su 'niño interior' para evitar transmitir traumas y para poder ser un padre y una persona mejor.

💡Self-forgiveness

El perdón de sí mismo es el acto de excusar o absolver a uno mismo de errores o comportamientos pasados. En la conversación, el protagonista destaca la importancia del perdón de sí mismo en el proceso de sanación, ya que permite liberarse de la carga emocional y avanzar hacia un estado de bienestar más alto.

💡New Life Foundation

La New Life Foundation es mencionada como una organización en Tailandia donde el protagonista buscó tratamiento para su depresión. Representa un lugar de reflexión y cambio positivo en su vida, y es un ejemplo de cómo el apoyo y la comunidad pueden ayudar en el proceso de recuperación.

💡Santosha Beads

Las Santosha beads son un objeto de meditación que se utilizan para recordar y expresar gratitud. En el video, el protagonista describe cómo usa las Santosha beads para enfocarse en aspectos de su vida por los que se siente agradecido, lo que forma parte de su práctica diaria de mindfulness y apreciación.

Highlights

Both individuals are wearing kimonos with a floral design, reflecting a shared cultural experience.

The guest expresses gratitude for being on Toni Talks, indicating a long-held dream to appear on the show.

The discovery of the guest's talent in 2014 through 'Rak of Aegis' is highlighted, marking a turning point in their career.

A memorable interaction with Ma'am Charo during 'Rak of Aegis' led to a significant career opportunity.

The guest's initial career aspirations were in music education, with a later shift towards performance arts.

An unexpected first job on a ship as a waiter who sings classical songs is revealed.

The guest's audition and success in 'Rak of Aegis' is underscored, highlighting the importance of seizing opportunities.

An offer from Coco Martin to join 'Ang Probinsyano' is mentioned, indicating a significant career advancement.

The challenges of adjusting to the demanding schedule of a daily TV series are discussed.

The guest's rapid rise to fame and the pressures of balancing multiple entertainment projects are highlighted.

A decision to quit everything and travel to New Zealand, Hong Kong, and Switzerland is mentioned, signaling a life change.

The reason for the guest's travel was burnout and the realization of a manic disorder, providing insight into mental health struggles.

A candid discussion about the guest's panic attacks and the fear of losing life is shared.

The guest's journey of healing, including therapy and self-reflection, is outlined.

The importance of acknowledging and apologizing for past mistakes within family dynamics is emphasized.

The guest's realization of being an introvert despite an extroverted persona is revealed, adding depth to their character.

A technique of mirror affirmation to foster self-compassion and healing is shared.

The use of Santosha beads as a gratitude practice is introduced, illustrating a unique approach to mental well-being.

Transcripts

We're both wearing kimono.

We have the same outfit.

With floral design.

Yes.

Congrats.

Thank you.

We never did this before, right?

This is the first time.

But it has always been my dream to be here on Toni Talks.

Because we just talk on the sidelines before.

Yes.

I said, "Oh, this is what you went through, Pepe. I didn't know."

It was nice to see you.

You were discovered in 2014, right?

Yes.

- In "Rak of Aegis" - I just finished

doing "Starting Over Again"

The next movie I did was "You're My Boss"

That's where we worked together.

In 2015.

In Batanes.

Yes.

But before we were in Batanes,

remember I asked for a picture with you at the airport?

Yes, I asked for a picture with you.

But I also asked you and I sent it to Paul.

Ahh. Yes.

I told him,

"Paul, it's Tolits. Our favorite from 'Rak of Aegis' "

That's where I first saw you.

Yes.

But it was because of 'Rak of Aegis' that you got discovered, right?

Yeap.

It's my springboard to showbusiness.

And it was Ma'am Charo who found you, right?

Yeah.

- How? - She was sitting in the middle.

There was a part in 'Rak of Aegis' where I had to whistle.

My character acted bravely, smashing obstacles to my love's dream, Ailene.

So, I was whistling.

I can change the tune every show.

That time-

When you saw Ma'am Charo.

I whistled

- "Maalaala Mo Kaya" - So, everyone was laughing?

Yes and I saw her on my peripheral, Ma'am Charo was.

Yes.

And then the following day on rehearsals

I got a call from her secretary asking me to come to ABS-CBN.

What was the feeling?

Happy, of course.

Because it was my dream to be a performing artist in all platforms.

Because being a performer was your childhood dream, right?

It was in college when I realized I wanted to become a perfoming artist.

But my major was Music Education.

Then I liked teaching.

I was like, "I can just do performing on the side."

But when I graduated, I became a bum.

Then I received an offer to work on a ship.

Because-

You worked on a ship.

Yes, that was my first job before becoming a music teacher.

- For how many years? - Although-

10 months.

I was there as a waiter.

Oh not a singing-

It was just my side job.

On the ship?

They were looking for a waiter who can sing classical songs.

So, they looked for a classical singer and trained to become a waiter.

So, while waiting tables, you were also singing on the side?

Yes, every night.

It's a blessing because being a waiter on a ship

I gained friends called "Show Team"

They were the ones performing musical excerpts every night.

- On the ship? - Yes.

They became your friends.

So, when I watch them every night,

that's when I realized "That's what I wanted to do."

For life.

How did you land the role in "Rak of Aegis"?

They had an audition for "Rak of Aegis"

Then I auditioned and they liked me.

The rest is history.

I was part of the first run until the last.

And a lot of us were given a break because of that.

Then I was at PETA, for the third run of "Rak of Aegis"

Someone called me,

"Pe."

"Oh, who's this?"

"It's Coco."

"Coco who?"

I know a lot of Coco.

"Coco Martin."

He was inviting me to be a part of "Ang Probinsyano"

But doing a series is different.

Yes.

Did you have a hard time adjusting?

I did.

It will take your life.

Yes.

That will be your life for a while because it's an everyday show.

Yes, it was everyday and there are no cut offs back then.

Pre-pandemic was-

- Until you've shot everything. - Nonstop.

Yes.

Until you've shot everything.

Especially when you have shoot "for airing".

Yes.

Shoot to air.

Shoot to air, yes.

What happened with you was, you got in "Ang Probinsyano" in 2015

Yes.

And you enjoyed it, right?

Yes.

I can say yes because I learned a lot from that.

Your world become bigger.

You had a lot of friends.

A lot of happenings.

Fame.

- Fortune. - Fame.

Everything.

A lot of events.

It's like, "I've reached the peak."

At one point.

I was getting there so quickly.

I'm doing movies, TV and theater all at the same time.

You are living your dream.

To perform.

Yes.

2015, 2016, 2017.

It only took three years for you to quit everything.

Yeah.

You quit and went to New Zealand, right?

- In 2017? - New Zealand,

Hong Kong and then finally, Switzerland.

It was a journey.

It was almost a year of journey.

Different countries, different provinces.

You left because?

To simply put it, because of burnout.

I've reached the point where-

I didn't know that time that it was a manic disorder already.

I felt invincible and I felt I can do everything.

One moment, I was making everyone laugh

then I'll stop and get angry the next.

You get angry easily?

Yes, so quickly.

To the point where my loved ones are scared of me.

It was already rage, it's not anger anymore.

I was screaming at the top of my lungs.

I was like a volcano.

Sometimes, I destroy stuff.

I'll punch the wall or my car.

There was an incident with my former handler.

This was in a span of few minutes.

I was making her laugh.

Then I got triggered along EDSA.

We got pulled over by a traffic enforcer.

She was trying to save the situation because she was my handler.

Then I snapped only because I wanted to be in control.

I guess one of my triggers is losing control which happened that time.

So, I got mad at her, I yelled until she was already crying.

She was trembling.

I guess that's one of my wake-up calls.

Of course you don't want to do that to your loved ones, right?

Even Coco and "Ang Probinsyano" cast noticed it.

They were wondering, "What happened to Pepe?"

Then I became erratic.

Sometimes, I will not go to the set.

I will decide to go to the hospital.

Because I was sensing that something was going on.

So, one doctor said which I really liked,

"If you abuse your physical body

the next would be your brain."

"Because your brain is part of your body."

Mental and physical, they go hand in hand.

That's when I started to realize, "I've been abusing my body."

I wasn't taking it seriously for quite sometime now.

Because in our industry,

rest wasn't a-

Not a priority.

Yes, right.

I tried going with the trend but my body was becoming very vulnerable.

Is is true that you said, "Open my chest, check my heart."

That happened last year.

It's another episode.

I was rushed to the hospital.

It was my first time to experience-

- I felt like I was drowning. - Panic, anxiety?

That's how panic attack feels like.

I thought I was having a heart attack.

I feel numb here.

I feel heavy on my chest.

That's when I said at the hospital,

"Check everything."

"If you need to do an operation on me, open my chest."

"Do it."

"I want to survive."

The fear of losing life.

Because losing breath is losing life, right?

It has triggers.

That's one of the things I've realized.

I had a lot of childhood traumas.

That when you have a trigger-

- It comes out. - it comes out.

So, I witnessed a car accident infront of me.

It triggered a childhood trauma from when I got into an accident and bumped my head.

So, I can't fall asleep.

Until one night, I had a panic attack while lying down.

I knocked on Director Richard Arellano's door.

I was thankful that he was the one to rushed me to the hospital.

He was just praying over me the whole time going to the hospital.

Until we reached the hospital, he was just praying over me.

It helped me a lot.

Then they did all sorts of tests on me.

ECG, blood test, blood chem.

And when the doctor returned to me to confirm that everything is okay.

Everything was normal.

So, it's a confirmed panic attack.

I cried and trembled uncontrollably.

That was the release.

The suppressed trauma.

Then after that, I felt okay.

So, you needed to let it out.

Yes.

So, that's it.

Okay, I acknowledge that I'm still on a healing process.

I just have to accept it and embrace it.

Until finally it runs out.

All the constipation inside of me.

Because we've been carrying it since we were kids.

It's not gonna go away in one snap.

Healing is life-long journey.

Yes.

That was our conversation before.

Because I remember that was the book that connected me and Maxene 2 years ago.

Maxene, a fellow vegan.

The Untethered Soul.

- Ah, okay. - I remember back then,

I pray for the people I talk to.

I said, "Who will I talk to?"

And then Maxene's name popped in my head.

And when I called her for a conversation,

we were reading the same book at the same time.

Oh, The Untethered Soul?

The Untethered Soul.

Wow.

So, we were finishing each other's sentences.

Because she was at the chapter of-

My most favorite part was "Who am I?"

That chapter.

Who am I?

Because you can get lost in our industry.

Who I really am?

Because you play a lot of roles.

Different characters.

And the roles you have to play infront of your colleagues.

Your bosses.

Your co-workers.

Your audience.

You will please everyone in the expense of not pleasing yourself.

That's why you feel empty.

Because you pleased everyone but yourself.

Actually, I was also grateful for this process of healing because

I discovered a lot about myself.

I can also be an introvert.

I am not just the Pepe who always wants to make others laugh.

There are times that I want to be alone.

Stay quiet.

Just read a book.

Just imagine.

I am an ENFP (Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeling and Perceiving).

We are the most introverted of all the extroverts.

We get energized by this.

Conversing, spending time with people.

But we also get energized by being alone.

It's like 50-50.

It has to be balanced.

When we feel like, okay, I'm easily mad or triggered, or I get depleted,

I need to step back.

Recharge.

Yes.

Sometimes, I am not aware that people see me that way.

"You're not a comedian at your core."

"You're quiet in person."

"You're a reserved person."

Remember in My Sassy Girl?

You were quiet.

We were quiet back then.

And what I noticed about you is that you're a good listener.

Because whenever you leave, I was thinking, "I talked more than Pepe did."

But I enjoyed it.

I enjoyed our conversations.

There are times you let me talk too.

And those conversations made an impact on me.

About life and spirituality.

When did you start in therapy?

My trigger that time was when I was in Switzerland.

I'm inside a cable car, that was the first time I experienced suicidal tendencies.

I was so deep in depression

I felt like I was a prisoner inside my body.

To think that Switzerland is so beautiful.

Yes.

One of the most beautiful places in the whole world.

New Zealand and Switzerland.

I always say that this is where God lives.

He made this place perfectly.

This is where He lives.

It's like, this is the rest house of my parents and then there's the alps.

That's how near I was.

Alps is so beautiful. You did not appreciate it?

That was the frustrating part.

I cannot enjoy it.

My mind was covered with darkness.

With gloom.

So the zest for life was gone.

It's like my mind couldn't take it anymore.

I was in the cable car, there's a thought that entered my mind.

"What if I jump here?"

Then there's another side of me saw that that's alarming already.

I told my mother that, "I think I need to go home."

To cut short my vacation and go back home to seek therapy.

To seek professional help.

So, this is where you'll see that it's not how beautiful the place is.

It's not.

It's not how beautiful your house is.

It's not how beautiful your car is.

- It's not how beautiful your life status is. - It's not.

If you have a problem here.

All you see-

It's all in the mind.

- Darkness. - Yes.

Because Switzerland is-

When we went there, was one of the most beautiful places.

You will not think how you can be depressed when you are there.

But you did not appreciate it. Imagine that.

It means that your mind was covered with darkness.

Yes, that's how depleted it was.

So, I came home and did therapy.

I ended up taking anti-depressants.

And it didn't work.

It made things worse for me.

I felt like a zombie.

I had no emotions. Everything was gone.

The things that makes you human were gone.

And there are side effects on the joints that are not good.

So, I became more desperate for healing.

Until my mother and I found out about Thailand.

The New Life Foundation.

- I have a tattoo here. - Why did you get that tattoo?

It's my autobiography.

My life journey.

That time, when I was desparately seeking for treatment

the reason why my condition worsened was because I keep brushing it off.

"I don't want this."

I want to heal now.

And because I went to Thailand,

the more that I accept that I'm in this condition,

I will heal faster.

Because it just wants me to take a rest.

My takeaway in one of the support group sessions where one of the speakers said,

"Depressed may also mean deep rest."

Deep rest from?

From all distractions, temptations, and too much work.

It's like the survival mode of the body.

"Let's shut off first, because if we don't, you'll die."

I also read that, "Depression is also a suppressed anger."

That's beautiful.

All the anger you did not express is the reason you are depressed.

But what you said is also beautiful.

Another form of depression is they need deep rest.

This generation we have today is already aware of our childhood trauma.

We are aware of our inner child.

That you have to heal the inner child in you.

So you will not pass it down.

It's also important that you are aware of your triggers and what is happening to you.

Because you now have a child.

And you don't want your child to heal from having you as a father.

She's actually my teacher, Payapa.

There are times that I get triggered if there are things she does and I am already tired.

She was just being a child, naughty, will spill something, will yell, then-

You wanted to yell, right?

Yes and you will take a deep breath.

She will sense that I am upset.

"Daddy, don't get mad at me."

They are sensitive.

So much.

You will see the tension on their faces.

Yes.

They feel it. They absorb it.

I feel like they transform it.

There are times when I feel vulnerable, she will come to me and hug me.

Like that.

She's like healing your inner child.

In a way.

That's a possibility that they were sent here to help you in a lot of ways.

Yes.

Actually, it's not just my child, but when it comes to kids.

You want to do your best so that they have this space

to be the best versions of themselves for the world.

To be of great service to this world.

And they are learning how to be a human by watching you.

Yes.

That's my main motivation to heal

and to go back to myself.

My best version.

For them.

I am in the process of learning techniques on how to teach your child good manners

but at the same time you're not passing down your trauma to them.

So they will not suppress their emotions.

And they don't feel shame.

So, one of the things I do whenever I make mistakes

sometimes when I get frustrated

- because of what they do- - You snap.

I snap.

I say sorry when I've calmed down.

It's very nourishing for me and for her.

"I'm sorry, don't get mad at Paypay already."

"Yes, I'm sorry because Daddy got frustrated."

It's nice that you apologize to your child.

Yes.

Because our parents were not like that growing up.

They don't say sorry to us.

Yes, but now, my mom and dad-

- They say sorry to you? - Yes.

We talk about the past and we cry together.

When I was in Switzerland, my mother and I had that moment.

When I was hospitalized, my father and I had that moment.

"What's happening with you, son,

was because of what you experienced with us growing up

All our fights before. I'm sorry, son."

Then we hugged each other and cried.

It felt nice.

It's like whoa!

It's like you've been constipated for a long time.

and you don't know-

You let it out.

Yes and you don't know why you're not feeling well.

It was because of that.

You carried the pain.

Yes.

You carried that from childhood.

All you need to hear is acknowledgement and apology.

It's so powerful.

And forgiveness.

- Forgiveness. - Because someone can apologize

but if you don't forgive them, the anger will remain.

And now, for me,

there are different versions of apology.

Sometimes, it's not by saying, "I'm sorry."

Sometimes, they will make it up to you.

They will listen to you.

They will hug you.

They will give you something.

That's how they can apologize.

This is the kind of conversation I like.

This is how we talk to each other even before, right?

In My Sassy Girl.

Yes.

You also made me cry a few times because of spiritual things.

Yes, and the one thing that made an impact on me, which I still do,

and I did earlier before I came out,

is when you look at yourself in the mirror and you talk to yourself

and you say, "I'm proud of you. I forgive you.

And today, I commit to-"

My commitment today was gentle presence.

Oh my gosh, you are still doing that?

Yes.

That was in 2020.

- That's my grounding. - When you look in the mirror.

It's like embracing your insecurities.

"It's okay, you just have to get through it."

You know who you are embracing when you do that?

- The inner child in you. - Yeah.

The young Pepe inside of you who still lives there.

You should always picture him sitting like this and looking at you.

And you embrace that little child in you.

He has been through so much.

Like the little Celestine who still lives inside of me who's been through so much.

She has witnessed a lot.

The little Pepe inside of you is still there.

Even if we are now parents,

there is still an inner child in you

who will never forget all the things he's been through since birth.

This is also one of the things I do.

This one is Santosha beads.

This is a gratefulness beads.

I mention one thing that I am grateful for per bead.

It has 108 beads so you express 108 things you are grateful for.

And I end with "I'm grateful for Dear God, Dear Mother Earth and Dear Universe."