Getting Over Your Mother Complex: Ultimate Practical Guide

Summary

The video script delves into the psychological and biological aspects of human behavior, particularly focusing on the impact of early attachment and instincts on identity and sexual dysfunction in young men. It discusses the limitations of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and the importance of addressing emotional and instinctual levels of the psyche. The conversation highlights the role of societal and cultural influences on therapy and self-help, emphasizing the need for a holistic approach that integrates biology, social adaptation, and psychological development. The speakers advocate for a deeper understanding of the self through engaging with one's instincts and the genomic self, suggesting that this can lead to personal growth and resolution of complex issues.

Takeaways

• 🎵 The discussion revolves around the impact of early attachment and its effects on psychosexual development, suggesting that issues like erectile dysfunction in young men may stem from complex psychological origins rather than purely biological ones.
• 🤔 The script highlights the struggle of young men who experience erectile dysfunction and how they often turn to abstinence movements like NoFap, which may offer temporary relief but doesn't address the deeper psychological issues.
• 🚫 There is a noted suppression and lack of open discussion about the influence of maternal relationships on the psychosexual development of sons, which can lead to long-term personal and relational difficulties.
• 👥 The importance of community and collective discussion is emphasized as a means to help individuals who may feel isolated in their experiences, although it also warns against the potential pitfalls of groupthink.
• 🧠 The script criticizes the over-reliance on cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and the Jungian concept of archetypes, advocating instead for a deeper, biologically informed approach to psychology that addresses the instinctual and emotional levels of the psyche.
• 🧬 It is argued that instincts and emotions are closely tied to our genome and that understanding and addressing issues at this level can lead to more profound and lasting healing.
• 💭 The conscious experience of emotions is described as a primary form of consciousness, which is distinct from but equally important to our cognitive awareness, and is linked to our instinctual drives.
• 🧐 The speakers suggest that engaging with one's emotions and instincts in a conscious and deliberate way can lead to a reframing of traumatic experiences and a restoration of a sense of identity and wholeness.
• 🚫 The potential harm in self-help groups and therapeutic practices that focus on abstract concepts without addressing the concrete biological and psychological needs of the individual is discussed.
• 🌱 There is a call for therapists and individuals to reconnect with the biological basis of psychology, arguing that a failure to do so can result in a lack of resolution for deep-seated emotional and instinctual issues.
• 💪 The script shares an anecdote about addressing erectile dysfunction not through physical measures but through understanding and working with the underlying psychological and emotional blockages.

Q & A

What is the common issue discussed in the video regarding young men experiencing erectile dysfunction?

The video discusses that erectile dysfunction in young men might not be biological or medical but could be related to psychological or emotional issues, often stemming from early attachment and relationship problems with caregivers.

What is the '90-day reboot' mentioned in the context of addressing erectile dysfunction?

The '90-day reboot' refers to a period of abstaining from pornography and masturbation, often advocated by the 'NoFap' community, which some men undertake in an attempt to restore their sexual function and regain a sense of masculinity.

How does the video relate early attachment issues to a person's identity and life unfolding?

The video suggests that early attachment to caregivers significantly influences a person's sense of identity, boundaries, self-concept, and anticipation of life's trajectory, implying that issues in early attachment can lead to various problems in adulthood.

What is the role of self-help groups and charities in addressing psychological issues as discussed in the video?

Self-help groups and charities are highlighted as valuable resources that provide support and a sense of community for individuals struggling with psychological issues. However, the video also notes that they often operate with limited resources and may not be a substitute for professional therapeutic help.

Why does the video criticize the use of archetypes and CBT in therapy?

The video criticizes the use of archetypes and CBT in therapy because they can lead to an overemphasis on abstract concepts and cognitive reframing, potentially distracting from the deeper emotional and instinctual issues that need to be addressed for true healing.

What does the video suggest as a more effective approach to therapy than relying on cognitive-behavioral techniques or archetypes?

The video suggests that a more effective therapeutic approach involves engaging with the client's emotions and instincts, which are more closely tied to their biological and genomic self, to address the root causes of their suffering.

How does the discussion on 'NoFap' and erectile dysfunction relate to the broader topic of psychological suppression and cultural unconsciousness?

The discussion on 'NoFap' and erectile dysfunction serves as an example of how cultural unconsciousness and psychological suppression can lead individuals to seek solutions in isolation or through movements that may not fully address the underlying issues, thus perpetuating a cycle of misunderstanding and inadequate treatment.

What is the significance of the video's emphasis on biology and the genome in understanding human psychology?

The video emphasizes the significance of biology and the genome as the foundational elements that regulate and influence human psychology. It argues that a deep understanding of one's biology and instincts is crucial for genuine self-improvement and overcoming psychological challenges.

What role do emotions play in the process of healing and personal development according to the video?

According to the video, emotions play a critical role in healing and personal development as they are a form of consciousness that directly communicates with the本能 (instincts) and the genome. By engaging with and understanding one's emotions, an individual can address the core issues that contribute to their suffering.

Why does the video argue against the concept of an 'inner child' in the context of therapy?

The video argues against the concept of an 'inner child' because it suggests that such a notion is not based on biological reality and can lead to an infantilization of the client. Instead, the video advocates for a therapeutic approach that reconnects the adult client with the emotional and instinctual states of their past in a way that promotes growth and healing.

What is the potential issue with self-help groups that the video discusses?

The video discusses the potential issue with self-help groups being that they can sometimes maintain or even reinforce pathology rather than resolve it. It suggests that individuals within these groups might become trapped in a cycle of self-reinforcing beliefs that do not address the underlying issues.

Outlines

00:00

😀 Addressing Young Men's Sexual Dysfunction

The paragraph discusses the issue of erectile dysfunction in young men, which is often not biological but rather psychological. It explores the tendency of affected individuals to adopt practices like 'nofap' to address their condition. The speaker highlights the importance of understanding the underlying causes, which may relate to early attachment and psychosexual development, and emphasizes the lack of open discussion and cultural and political suppression around these issues.

05:02

😔 Challenges in Seeking Therapy and Institutional Support

This section delves into the difficulties individuals face when seeking help for psychological issues, particularly where institutional abuse is involved. It addresses the lack of trust in cultural institutions and the emotional inhibition that comes with trying to discuss personal traumas. The paragraph also touches on the politicization of therapy and the struggle to find therapists who are not biased by political or cultural contexts.

10:02

🤔 The Role of Self-Help Groups and the Importance of Avoiding Dogma

The speaker emphasizes the power of collective effort in healing and personal growth, while cautioning against the potential downsides of groupthink and the adoption of dominant ideologies within self-help groups. There's a critique of overly abstract psychological constructs, like those found in some interpretations of Carl Jung's work, and a call for a more grounded, biological approach to understanding and treating psychological distress.

15:03

🧠 The Interplay Between Emotions, Instincts, and Identity

This paragraph explores the deep connection between emotions, instincts, and a person's sense of identity. It argues against the reductionist view that focuses solely on cognitive reframing and neglects the biological and emotional aspects of trauma. The speaker advocates for a comprehensive approach that addresses the whole person, including their biology and emotional state, to effectively treat psychological injuries.

20:03

🚫 The Dangers of Cognitive Therapy and the Need for Emotional Engagement

The paragraph discusses the limitations of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and the potential harm of not addressing the emotional and instinctual roots of psychological issues. It stresses the importance of engaging with one's emotions and instincts to resolve suffering at a deeper level. The speaker also criticizes the rejection of biology in favor of psychological theories that don't account for the full human experience.

25:05

🧘‍♂️ The Importance of Psychological Maturity in Relationships

The focus of this paragraph is on the development of psychological maturity as a foundation for healthy relationships. It discusses how men often feel compelled to conform to certain stereotypes of masculinity, which can be counterproductive and lead to a lack of genuine connection. The speaker encourages a more authentic and varied expression of masculinity and stresses the importance of engagement and rapport in relationships.

30:07

🌱 The Genomic Self and the Integration of Biology and Psychology

The final paragraph emphasizes the inextricable link between the self and the genome, arguing against the separation of psychology from biology. It suggests that the Jungian concept of the self is a projection of the genomic self and that true self-understanding comes from recognizing this connection. The speaker advocates for addressing biological and social aspects of life before exploring more abstract, spiritual issues, as failing to do so can leave unresolved issues that will later resurface.

35:09

📚 Offering Practical Advice for Personal Growth

In this closing paragraph, the speaker invites viewers to download a free PDF on integrating one's shadow, which includes advanced theory and practical steps for personal development. The offer is a call to action for those seeking to understand and work through their psychological complexities in a structured and informed way.

Keywords

💡Erectile Dysfunction

Erectile dysfunction refers to the inability to achieve or maintain an erection that is firm enough for sexual intercourse. In the context of the video, it is discussed as a potential sign of deeper psychological or emotional issues, particularly in younger individuals where biological or medical causes are less likely. The script mentions how young men experiencing this issue might turn to practices like 'nofap', which is suggested to help restore sexual function and self-concept.

💡Nofap

Nofap is a movement and community that encourages individuals to abstain from pornography and masturbation, with the belief that doing so can have positive effects on mental health, relationships, and sexual performance. The script discusses how some men turn to Nofap as a way to address erectile dysfunction, suggesting that the psychological benefits of abstaining can outweigh the physical act of sexual performance.

💡Anima and Animus

In analytical psychology, the anima and animus are concepts introduced by Carl Jung representing the feminine and masculine aspects, respectively, of a person's psyche. The video discusses the role of these archetypes in psychosexual development and how they can influence personal relationships and identity. The script touches on how these concepts can be misunderstood or misused without proper therapeutic guidance.

💡Attachment Theory

Attachment theory is a psychological model that describes the dynamics of long-term relationships between humans. It postulates that early attachment experiences with caregivers shape a person's social and emotional development. The script emphasizes the importance of healthy early attachment for the formation of identity and boundaries, and how disruptions in these early relationships can lead to later issues in life.

💡Archetypes

Archetypes are universal symbols, themes, or patterns that recur in human culture, as described by Carl Jung. They are seen as deep, symbolic elements of the collective unconscious. The video discusses how archetypes can influence our behavior and perception, but also warns against over-reliance on them in therapy, advocating instead for a more biological and instinctual understanding of the self.

💡Instincts

Instincts are innate behaviors or responses that are not learned but are driven by the unconscious mind and are crucial for survival and adaptation. The video argues that understanding and connecting with one's instincts is vital for addressing deep-seated psychological issues. The script contrasts the role of instincts with cognitive or fantasy-based approaches to therapy, highlighting the importance of the former in achieving genuine healing.

💡Complexes

Complexes are a group of emotionally charged ideas that form in an individual's psyche, often as a result of traumatic experiences. They can influence thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. The script discusses how complexes can act as distractions from the core issues related to early attachment and identity, and how addressing these through a deeper emotional and instinctual understanding can lead to resolution.

💡Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT is a widely used form of psychotherapy that focuses on identifying and changing negative thought patterns that lead to harmful actions or emotions. The video expresses skepticism about CBT, suggesting that it may not address deeper emotional and instinctual issues. It is implied that while CBT can offer temporary relief, it might not provide a long-term solution for chronic psychological suffering.

💡Individuation

Individuation is a process described by Carl Jung whereby an individual seeks to integrate the various aspects of their personality, including the conscious and unconscious parts of the psyche. The video suggests that the process of individuation is often misunderstood or approached in an overly abstract way, and that a more biological and instinctual perspective is necessary for true self-understanding and healing.

💡Genomic Self

The genomic self refers to the idea that an individual's identity and psychological makeup are fundamentally rooted in their genetic material or genome. The video argues for a perspective that integrates the genomic self with psychological and social experiences, suggesting that a failure to acknowledge the biological basis of the self can lead to an incomplete or misguided understanding of personal issues.

💡Mother Complex

A mother complex, in the context of the video, refers to the psychological impact and challenges that can arise from an individual's relationship with their mother. It is often associated with issues of attachment, identity formation, and later relationship dynamics. The script discusses how addressing the mother complex is essential for personal growth and healthier relationships.

Highlights

The discussion addresses the issue of young men experiencing erectile dysfunction and the potential psychological causes.

The influence of early attachment to caregivers on a person's sense of identity and psychological development is emphasized.

The importance of addressing early attachment issues is highlighted due to their potential to cause long-term distress.

The challenges of finding a therapist who understands the politicized nature of certain psychological issues are discussed.

The role of self-help groups and charities in filling the gap left by formal institutions is explored.

The potential downsides of self-help groups, including the risk of groupthink and the suppression of individual growth, are mentioned.

The significance of engaging with one's instincts and emotions to address deep-seated psychological issues is underlined.

The limitations of purely cognitive therapies, such as CBT, in treating emotional and instinctual wounds are critiqued.

The concept of archetypes and their relation to instincts are discussed, with a focus on the importance of real-life experiences over theoretical constructs.

The role of biology and the genome in shaping psychological experiences and the healing process is emphasized.

The discussion of how societal and cultural factors can influence the manifestation of psychological issues, using erectile dysfunction as an example.

The potential for self-help practices, like the 'Nofap' movement, to address psychological issues by tapping into deeper instinctual needs.

The critique of the 'inner child' concept as a therapeutic tool and the encouragement to connect with adult instincts instead.

The importance of recognizing and working through the impact of early life experiences on current psychological states.

The exploration of the intersection between psychological maturity, societal expectations, and individual instincts in forming identity.

The case study of a woman's struggle with her desire to become a mother, societal pressures, and her career, highlighting the role of instincts in personal fulfillment.

The conclusion that living out one's instincts and addressing biological and social needs is a prerequisite for authentic spiritual exploration.

Transcripts

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

if you're young with erectile

dysfunction something's up

if you're older you know your body's

older and so naturally things stop

working so well

but when you're young it's like okay is

it biological is it is it medical

usually not so what is it and then what

guys will then do

driven by a complex dare i say is then

they'll turn towards

nofap and that's getting away from an

argument of whether or not we agree with

that particular

philosophy or lifestyle it's just

something drive you there it's like okay

and then what people do is through nofap

or a 90-day reboot as they call it their

erectile dysfunction comes becomes

the rest of the function goes away

what's going on welcome back everybody

too young to live by thank you for

tuning in once again

over the last week or so we've been

building somewhat of an impromptu

miniseries

all about the mother and the anima and

developments psychosexual development

that kind of thing

and the response to the last video that

we put up was quite staggering we were

all quite quite impressed with the

delivery moved very moved as well

actually by a lot of the comments so

thank you guys yeah it's it's surprising

actually like um

don't need to toot our own horn or

anything like that it's it's a

reflective of the quality of the

community but you don't get comments

like that in most

places even on say other psychological

channels but i thought i'd get a little

selection of what you guys have been

saying

um so johannes cox said similar

situation here

if it were possible for you guys to make

a video going into more detail about

going back down to the instinctive level

that would be extremely helpful to me

and to others joshua knox has said he's

had this same problem

and has been speaking for a therapist

for the last three weeks

but the therapist has basically said

there's nothing that can be done

is this a problem the answer that is yes

a guy called your feelings said i

am in such a similar situation

java arter said thank you so much for

this video i am in a very similar

situation and i'm also

gay christian sather or sava said it's

no joke how much inappropriate behavior

on behalf of the mother can mess up her

son i wonder if we can ever really

escape these sticky motherly webs

and ahmed n has said as a gay man myself

it's very hard to find any good clinical

discussions about the matter

particularly because of the social and

legal repercussions

and also you guys were saying in the

last video that this stuff is very very

common

yeah and people don't talk about it

you know the guys in the audience are

like wait a minute that sounds a little

bit like me yeah

so yeah yeah um

there is a political suppression of this

there's no doubt and

before we had the political suppression

there was more of a cultural one

which was a kind of a cultural

unconsciousness over this

and freud had broken surface tension

with it in the late 19th century

along with his colleague joseph broyer

and it was suppressed

then uh and it's being suppressed

now so in that sense

it is a very very important topic and

over the years paul and i certainly

and again i know i'm repeating myself

over 40 years of experience we've seen

so much of this

and it's a very private and personal

experience and a very distressing

experience

but it is so common and it's often

latent in the sense that it's in the

background of other problems that

presents and they're like screens if you

like which are

presented as if that is the problem when

it's not

and very often things bottom out into

this kind of thing which is really

all about early attachment because early

attachment to caregivers

through the parents or whoever's in loco

parentis

for a child of either sex will help to

determine that person's

sense of identity in all of its manifold

meanings which includes boundaries and

includes

your self-concept it includes the

anticipation that you would hold

consciously for how your life will

unfold

so many things are affected by early

attachment relationships so it's a vital

importance that

the people are helped when issues arise

around that

so i mean judging from the comments you

know we're not the most popular channel

in the world no but there's quite a few

of you guys

what can be done about something like

this in the absence of say a formal

therapeutic relationship

not to endorse any kind of self-analysis

jump into the psyche psychonaut type

stuff

but what's a practical thing someone

could do if they suspect that they've

been influenced and negatively affected

by something like this well

it's very hard very very hard indeed

james to do

something or to sort something out for

yourself in a vacuum would you say paul

if you believe it's only happened to you

and that your frame of self reference

has been shaped by those early

experiences it's actually normal

for you that's the way your life has

unfolded and

contradicting that when you suddenly

realize hang on this has damaged me

it seems so far in the past so remote

it's very very difficult isn't it or it

seems to be to bring about change

yeah i think some of it is what you've

you guys have just said really which is

the

inhibition or feeling the inhibition

about talking about it at all

um and

because of the institutional abuse that

exists

i mean that's that's where you should be

able to go for help

yeah i think we said this on the last

podcast you should be able to go out

into the culture and receive

the help that you need and it's only

when you realize um that those

institutions are corrupted and you can't

access that help

properly that i mean that that's that's

like being abused all over again

yes really uh and and yes

the culture you know the government uh

in particular always putting out

messages to say look that help is out

there it's available

you know don't be afraid to come forward

don't be afraid to speak about these

things and yet when you do

you you very often met with a very

different response to the one that you'd

expect

so to some extent you you left to fall

back to your own devices

and i guess and some of these guys

obviously have commented on this finding

a therapist that switched on enough

to know about these things and to

understand the current zeitgeist

and the fact that a lot of this has been

politicized

it's very very difficult to access

someone who

understands in that complete sense what

the

person coming to see them is up against

um

and um i suppose this is why we're

feeling the impetus as therapists to

talk about this more we possibly can

and uh talk about our own practice and

how we would tackle some of these things

and um hopefully some of that will be uh

helpful uh to people it's it's the only

way we feel that we can maybe yeah reach

more people

yeah is to talk about it collectively as

a group of therapists and our own

experience

of things and we have personal

experience of it within the context of

our own family

and obviously we have it within the

context of our wider work as well

yeah yeah we have yeah really good

points

of course as you say paul the uh one of

the problems

of going to a therapist is that the

therapist is a human being

who has developed shall we say within a

specific context

yes that will include a political

context these days sadly

yes um a lot of therapists even of the

analytical orientation are very shifted

and i won't say in which direction

yeah you can find out quite easily if

you google it

um shifted in a certain political

direction

which colours pretty much everything

that they do and how they think and how

they approach people

within the various psychotherapy schools

it's like a tower of babel

they all speak a different language they

all think they have the only truth

and therapeutic dogma is placed in the

way in between

the person who just wants help yeah and

the therapist

oh yeah um and you very often get this

inculcation of a particular theory or

world view or even a political set of

beliefs

into somebody who goes to a therapist

for help so

in everyday terms a self-help group

uh charities yes uh they do an awful lot

of good work

they do the awful thing is they

shouldn't have to exist

though the fact that they do shows there

is something wrong with the way the

culture broadly is handling these things

yeah and they're often underfunded yeah

and and sometimes

they'll just be a i mean we've known

this a single person at the helm

trying to deal with all the the you know

the incoming

traffic for want of a better expression

and whilst

they may be very well placed to help

people and often they are because

they've had this kind of experience in

their own background

um and experiences of coming up against

um the institutions and and uh

all the difficulties surrounding them uh

nonetheless

the there's often not enough people

uh within the charity or within the

organization

to to help the volume the sheer volume

of of

calls that are coming into them

this is why that um you know we get

comments or whatever else

saying you know why do you critique the

archetype so much or young so much

cbt so much and it's like this is why

yeah because we've we hit on a topic

which clearly resonates with people in

terms of their own personal suffering

which isn't just suffering in a moment

it's not acute it's chronic

that's the horrible thing where you

can't get back in your lifespan it's

like well that's why we speak out

against it because it's a real

it's it's a it's a threat it's what

people will come to when they first want

to seek help

yeah it's saturated with of the swear

word

oh yeah yes yeah yes indeed

and first of all though

there is hope there's massive hope and

that's an important thing to get across

we're in an ecology which does not

support people who've been abused

abuse being a very wide category of

course but the ecology the cultural

ecology does not adequately support that

the therapeutic ecology does not either

but fortunately there are ways for

people to share

information and share positive growth

potential that they have within

themselves and within a group

and they can move forward there's

immense power in people coming together

and bringing about positive therapeutic

change there is a shadow side to that

and that is that it can form a group

if you like of identification and mutual

cross infection psychologically

wherein people actually suppress

development because of a few dominant

personalities within

the group or perhaps even an ideology

that's taken on board that can be a

therapeutic or a political ideology

in effect they're the same thing and

that can lead to a suppression of growth

moving away from some of these you

mentioned archetypes uh

some of these these constructs these

therapies of constructs is very very

important

i am often put in the place where i

appear to criticize young or i actually

do

openly criticize young and i get

criticized for that

believe me i wouldn't do it if i wasn't

absolutely sure it was necessary

in the context of doing it at that time

and one of the reasons why it's

necessary is there is so much nonsense

out there

uh being pushed around about young yin

ideas

that they tend to inflate people away

from actual experience of tackling real

world problems

yes it's not the collective unconscious

it's what you've actually experienced

in your real life yes yeah yeah

the collective unconscious is real and i

don't want to get distracted necessarily

into that

it's what it is what it really is that's

important to understand

otherwise you provide yourself with a

fantasy

and a means of escape from engagement

with real life

nobody nobody ever comes in and says i

have a problem with this archetype or

whatever it is

they come in and they're suffering they

want the suffering to end

and it should be the job of a therapist

and that's my context

it should be the job of a therapist to

do everything they can to end suffering

this is primal suffering when someone is

abused

in such a way that not only is it

physical or sexual

it abuses their sense of identity and

their capacity to

develop and become themselves

over their lifespan that is so

fundamentally serious and damaging that

really has to be looked at in its own

context

there is a way of solving it archetypes

should not be your first pose of call

probably actually the last

if you're going to engage with this at

all these

archetypes will make some sense at the

end of your journey but you can treat

them them for what they are which are

basically just fantasies

the real place where the harm is done is

also the place where the cure will be

achieved and that

is at the level of instinct and people

don't understand what

instincts are generally there is this

prejudice that instincts

are animalistic and not human and

somehow archetypes are trans personal

and spiritual and quasi-religious

or even a replacement for a natural

religious

expression in our lives they're not

and i say that as someone who has got 40

years clinical experience but has got

close on 50 years experience of deaf

psychology

in my own life and in the lives of

others

i didn't come to this conclusion easily

it's hard one

we've been through a great deal together

as pauline said with respect to our own

families and

things that have happened to one of our

own children

and we've worked with thousands of

people

in depth we know what's important to

real people when they suffer

and we know how what the best ways are

to bring yourself out of this kind of

awful mess it is not archetyped and it

is not cbt

either people hurt the level of feelings

and don't fall for this jungian idea of

thinking versus feeling

all these oppositional polarized views

they don't lead to anything except

stasis and stagnation

and rumination avoid them completely

young said that feelings can have people

he's absolutely right

with respect to that and these injuries

are not cognitive these injuries are at

the level of emotion

and at the level of instinct and of

identity

fundamental identity if you just simply

try to reframe your thinking you're

going to do

nothing whatsoever to do with the

instincts

that have launched these feelings into

your consciousness to

impel you to do something about the

suffering

and the pain that you feel so deep it's

down at the level of your genome it's at

that level

it's biological and there's too much

rejection of biology in favor of

psychological reductionism

biology is the logos of life the

reasoning of

life itself why do people reject it

it's absolutely stupid biology is your

fundament that's what you come from

and when you die that's what you

decompose through if you have a spirit

and it's released after that that's

absolutely fine and that's something you

can argue about metaphysically

but living is biological psychology is a

concomitant of biology

it's never separate to it and when

people are hurt with respect to their

psychology you can be absolutely sure

that their biology has been affected as

well

instincts serve a purpose they are goal

directed they are

intelligent programmed actions

of behavior that our ancestors have gone

through they're about survival but

they're about adaptation

their whole situations they include

narratives

to push you through to completion and

getting through

serious situations of adaptation in life

we do require another level

to modify instinct that gives us

plasticity and

ability to to function widely in

response to immediate threats

but if you were only cognitive and have

no contact with your instincts

and with your emotions you're going to

end up in a mess

and if you then impose a cognitive level

of therapy on someone

there will be a dose effect curve which

is based on suggestion

that simplistic suggestion will wear off

and it happens time and time again with

cbt people

the victims of cbt they end up going

back into the system and recycled

told to think again in another different

way whereas the fundamental issues have

not been addressed

and for those of you who are informed

about neuropsychoanalysis and if you're

not i strongly suggest that you

should you will learn that emotions

themselves

are conscious it's a separate kind of

conscious to our normal consciousness

but it's faster it's two milliseconds

faster in terms of processing

than the way information is processed in

the cortex down in the limbic system

down in the base of the brain that's

where things start to

happen very very quickly in terms of

forming reactions to traumas and to

stress

this is where complexes come from and

this is where our ideas about

archetypes come from the conscious idea

we have about the representation of

instinct through emotion

and action in culture that produces

these so-called archetypal images

get down to the level of instinct and

emotion and you will sort this out

well steve you were saying about the

emotions being conscious but different

type of consciousness

it's very very strange how we don't know

that yeah i wouldn't toot my own horn

either because it's one of those things

you that you kind of know it's like well

of course we have emotions for a reason

but we like to think it's primal and

pushed away but rossi was the one who

sort of slapped me into shape with that

i was reading him recently

and he's like the the things that you

experience in your body and your

emotions

are akin to signals from the unconscious

because how else would it signal to you

well we know from the union analysis

stuff that dreams are like a signal or a

message to you from the unconscious for

individuation purposes

but so could a headache so could anxiety

so could

a feeling of being scared or a feeling

of being sad it's like what's wrong with

that it's like well therefore you're

right you're right you've got

your cognitive side and then you've got

this other side that's equally as valid

that's trying to talk to the cognitive

side yeah

she's like okay that immediately gives

you so much power to come back because

you've got

in the moment either watching this video

or away you've got a starting point

to be like how am i feeling yeah yeah um

for those guys who are used to thinking

of the conscious and the unconscious

minds

in the more usual way and that's most

people that's no one's fault or problem

as such

the insights gained by

neuropsychoanalysis are enlightening

because most of what we regard as being

conscious is unconscious

and a loss of what we regard as being

unconscious is

actually primary consciousness and the

emotions

are conscious in and of themselves but

this is a real discovery this is not

theory this is something which is

demonstrable scientifically

emotions are the primary basic form of

consciousness

the way that uh professor mark salms

puts it is that you can't have

as such an unconscious feeling

that doesn't mean to say that there are

or there are not

feelings that are not conscious and of

words that the

unconscious feelings don't exist it's

just that you can't receive that without

the form of consciousness

when you are aware of a feeling it is

conscious at that point

the thing is it's always been conscious

and it becomes

conscious with respect to our normal

awareness

at a point of significance and it's

always when we're being impelled

to bring about the proper satisfaction

of a need

of some kind this is why we feel

an emotional impetus to solve problems

out in the environment we're being

impelled to do that

and the emotion itself is delivered by

instinct

and the instinct is under the regulation

of the genome

very often on a timed release mechanism

because of issues like puberty which is

perhaps the clearest example but in

order to get to grips with

how you've been hurt in the past you

have to understand that you were in a

particular emotional state

and a particular developmental state at

the time

that that particular trauma first

started and then if it was reinforced

then you have that occurring

over a timeline there is a level of

consciousness then which is independent

to normal cortical consciousness

which exists before we can think about

it as i mentioned before

and these feelings and instincts imprint

a whole body state with respect

to the the genome as it is at that time

and the anticipation of how you should

be treated so if it's from a caregiver

the anticipation genetically from your

genome

is that this caregiver will meet your

needs properly and the attachment

instinct in you is to bring that about

and

under normal conditions the caregiver

should imprint

reciprocally upon the child and then the

whole situation

is nurtured and cared for properly the

caregiver has all the power

if the caregiver abuses that

relationship for whatever reason

then the instincts which are powering in

from the genome delivering

emotions to imprint attachments at a

particular time

gets affected this is subcortical but

it's already beginning to build what we

would call complexes later on

as that person evolves and develops

through puberty and on into adolescence

then that initial impression starts to

attract other material to it

the kind of things that we can think

about but perhaps we're not

fully conscious of in an ordinary sense

so

i'm sorry if this is too theoretical no

no

but what you need to do then is to

reactivate the whole state that was

involved at the time

when you received that initial

impression

not to go back to being a child a

vulnerable child

that is the key distinction and where a

lot of therapists go wrong is that they

infantilize people

by getting them to reenact childhood in

a cognitive way

that's not the way to do it the way to

do it is to approach

it by activating in consciousness a

bridge

a connection between who you are now and

the state

that received the impression that was

traumatic or problematical for you

once you've got that you can truly

reframe the experience

at an emotional level because you're

directly communicating with the doorway

the portal

to your instincts and therefore your

genome

if you approach it only cognitively

hyper-rationally you'll never get there

if you approach it through fantasy you

won't get there because fantasy is a

distraction

it's a diversion away from direct

contact with what is your real

unconscious mind the real collective

unconscious includes many things

instincts for sure for all of us many

many other categories as well to do

information processing and anticipations

about the environment but instincts

are the primary drivers of our behavior

they have

intentionality and as young himself said

archetypes as he called them were the

self-portrait

of instincts which means instincts

create them

and the portrait by analogy in this case

is an

image there's your archetypal image

and that's something which becomes

conscious instincts when they're

fully mobilized are really conscious in

a normal ego or echocentric way they

just impel us to action

it has to be that way if we had to think

about them

cognitively we'd never get anything done

we get distracted

um off into diversions but when you

connect with an instinct through emotion

and i don't mean by cophasis or

abreaction or freaking out or

primal scream or anything like that i

mean the

conscious aspect of emotion you can

truly begin

to correct for the damage that was done

in the past

and this is why i don't believe in

re-traumatizing people by

infantilizing them saying that our inner

child creating the fantasy of that and

directing it back in time

allegedly you're not touching it you're

not touching the problem

the problem is coded emotionally at the

level of instinct in the genome

that's where you have to go to fix it

there are methods of doing that

there's so much i want to say on that

but quickly on the in a child granted in

biology the idea of an inner child

theoretically it wouldn't get into any

journal ever no one would ever take it

seriously it's like yeah you were once a

child but not anymore your

transcriptomic profile is completely

different than when you were a child

yes so therefore you're not a child

anymore by definition when you're

talking about this sort of affect work

if you like

um done it on myself and i've helped

other people through it it is so

so so powerful it is because someone

like myself will just

bring in typology slightly just for

illustration you could say i'm like a

walking around floating head there's

been a bit of joke on this channel and

with the

with the uh um for a little while now

and you you know i come to you with some

kind of issue like oh

i am i can't fix this or this is going

wrong and you're like

feel it and i'm like oh well

yeah which doesn't work because if you

go straight to your cognitive faculties

you're just asking for complexes to come

in i'll distract you and you know this

is true because every time you approach

a problem

which you might have had for years the

solution's different every time

different complexes will tell you a

different thing well i should go work

more to fix it oh well maybe this this

book will help me ah you just profit

yeah

but the emotion is like i don't know the

emotional profile will vary from person

to person

but when you start to feel that rage

come in or the upset come in

then you you change

psychophysiologically

all your cognitive faculties are blown

out of the water you're not conscious in

that same sense anymore it's like you've

ducked down into something slightly

deeper

that as an introductory exercise so

powerful

yeah you actually you actually lose the

capacity

at that point to think in that way oh

yeah you've just described it's so

refreshing as well yeah

in a weird way yeah yeah but it's

interpreting the signal correctly as

well it's coming up isn't it

that that's got to be important that you

do that accurately

yes yeah that's why i was saying that um

don't just have a catharsis or an ab

reaction

which uh was the way that freud and

breuer dealt with

traumatic memories from childhood for

example where there were emotions

there'd be a ritual purging um

and people feel okay after that just

like dare i say

people who suffer from bulimia can feel

great after they've thrown up

that's a a transitory hormonal response

to the discharge of

of emotion in the moment but it's not

the emotional encoding

of the trauma it's something separate

it's another level of distraction

and it's also potentially damaging

because when you

revivify and you're not actually you're

creating a completely new state

uh through a caphasis or an ab reaction

you are open to impression to suggestion

from the outside

and internally from your own complexes

and what you may find is you just

created more and more layers of

distraction

are you also saying at that point or

implicitly through your action that the

ego has no purpose

in terms of orienting for a problem so

if the ego evolved to do that specific

purpose if you simply give in to emotion

yeah and just release it much for

example you go into a rage state

so you go and scream at everyone that

you have ever met to break away yeah

you've sacrificed the actual

like phylogenetic purpose you want the

egg with that it's a unification

yeah you are i mean that that's really

how freud conceived of uh

diego it was had an executive role of

adaptation to the outer world

and euro psychoanalysis which is an

emergent discipline from within

affective or emotional neuroscience uh

the two leading figures

will be respectively professor mark

zones and the late professor yak pongsep

um they looked at it in that way because

it makes absolute sense biologically it

makes sense clinically

as well and marx alms for example says

that

consciousness essentially in evolved

to deal with an extension of homeostasis

which is balanced within the body

an extension beyond what the body can do

for itself

so it allows you to adapt to the

environment with flexibility

that's the purpose and an evolutionary

sense of consciousness

once it evolves it evolves further and

it's reached its alleged apex in

human beings but one of the problems

with that is that we tend to over

identify with the contents of our

immediate consciousness

and we forget that things are imprinted

at a different layer

it's emotional again though making the

distinction

between emotion as in a catharsis or an

ab reaction

and emotion as in a whole body state

and that whole body which is rossy that

you mentioned

ernest rossi's work is involved with

that

interface between pure psychology and

pure biology it's the interface

that crosses young cycloid boundary the

level of instinct

and straight into the genome where there

are so many controls in place

for like for gene expression and then

obviously through lifespan developments

as well so if you get to that level if

you get to the level of emotional

processing

and understanding you'll find that your

emotions actually

calm down because the pressure on you is

reduced immediately

and as soon as you ask yourself the

question what do my instincts

want from me you can ask yourself real

questions and i don't mean

go out and kill people because i want to

be possessed by rage

and revenge or anything like that it'll

be the instinct to be adapted

the the instinct to optimally develop

yourself this is young's individuation

process

but young didn't bring biology in enough

it was psychologized

and then put into the realm of myth and

fantasy

which are containing vessels for other

things but the real primary drivers are

biological

if you ask yourself with all honesty

where your real pain is

it's in your adaptation through your

lifespan development

it's not in a fantasy it's not the

engagement

say with a computer game but it's

treated as if it is when people start to

go on about archetypes and archetypal

images

those things are unnecessary in terms of

development

and in terms of addressing real issues

within yourself

i'm reminded quickly of um i think this

is a decent example for like the whole

body state

because it also sums up um young men and

potentially mother problems

is working with guys with erectile

dysfunction if you're young with

erectile dysfunction

something's up if you're older you know

your body's older and so naturally

things stop working so well

but when you're young it's like okay is

it biological is it is it medical

usually not

so what is it and then what guys will

then do driven by a

complex dare i say is then they'll turn

towards

nofap and that's getting away from an

argument of whether or not we agree

with that particular philosophy or

lifestyle it's just

something drive you there it's like okay

and then what people do is through nofap

or a 90-day reboot as they call it their

erectile dysfunction comes becomes

the rest of the function goes away and

they can start performing sexually

properly again

and it's like well therefore it was well

pornography calls this through

dopaminergic damage or something where

there's no mechanism known whatsoever

so no no you got your sense of

masculinity back

that was what happened and whether or

not that's a healthy thing in the long

run it's a different question

but it's like you've influenced through

your psychology your biology and

a slight jungian splash on top it's

symbolic like there's more freudian even

it comes back you've got a mythologizing

of dopamine there

and the creation of imaginary

connections which you say actually feed

into other things far better to get into

the other things

and set the distraction aside then

there's a misattribution of things isn't

it

yeah yeah yeah absolutely

so on that idea with the with the nofap

and the um

erectile dysfunction it's like okay what

you've got there is

a man's inability to properly relate to

a woman now

we would be very crude to reverse

engineer that and say it's caused by an

overprotective mother

but it can be caused by an

overprotective mother and that has been

some of my experience both with friends

and with working on the clinical work so

you find a weird paradox that ends up

which is really sad and keeps people

trapped

it's like so i've had issues potentially

with my mother or with something similar

in the past

that then becomes psychobiological and

by confirmation bias

i end up overemptying my masculinity

further and further and further what you

end up doing is you know in these um

communities that i was part of them for

years it's like well we need to do

our cold showers and our walks and our

journey and all this and all this and

working out and everything else it's

like where's where's mentioning of

talking to women

it's actually lens up being pathologized

semen retention is what they call it

independent obviously a spiritual

framework which is where something like

that

would belong but rather i'm getting it's

one of the self-development thing to

hold back

my ejaculation and it's like what you

can see if it is caused in specific

instances

by say an overprotective mother she's

one

she's one and everyone just gives into

it

yeah i don't i don't know what you guys

think about that but that sounds

incredibly sinister to me

well i think it absolutely is and and if

it's

in keeping with what you said earlier

steve really about um

self-help groups of any kind and so much

as often

they um they maintain pathology as well

and um sometimes it it takes someone to

break out of that or break away from

that

frame in order for other people to see

how just how entrapping it is

and you're right to say james you kind

of um

men seem to do this don't they that they

try they almost become a

a caricature of themselves and in an

attempt to to display their masculinity

and uh in the in the process of doing so

they actually

uh lose the very thing that maybe

it it defines them in that way and

um it doesn't like you say it doesn't

solve the problem of relating either

because

uh you know men are supposed to create a

uh

create a vessel for themselves in order

to receive women

then the kind of the rather than being

proactive they're kind of doing it

passively the kind of trying to shape

themselves in such a way that they hope

women will then be attracted to them

i was going to mention that yeah yeah

and then but they're not actually doing

that they're actually

doing the opposite of that and um

that's very sad it's it's very very sad

it is

it's like when you don't psychological

maturity isn't being built

but it's as if you're tacking other

things onto yourself to compensate for

that yes and

i i was there once as well and you know

i've got lots of friends who do that

so there's no like value judgment on

those people but it's like

i'm not a woman i never have been a

woman and probably never will be a woman

but i presume a woman would not find

that kind of thing

optimally attractive to be like well

he's on his nofap and his cold showers

yes i want to beat him you know it's

other things which would be

psychological maturity in the broadest

sense

yeah well in any relationship people

want engagement don't they

that's what surely what relating is all

about whether it's between men and women

or

you know same-sex uh individuals it it's

it's that

feeling that you can connect and you can

have rapport to someone

with someone and there's i mean we've

often

said this steve ourselves haven't we and

we've probably said it to our own son

along the way there are so many ways of

being a man

yes so many of you oh yes so many many

authentic ways of being a man

and they don't all involve going to the

gym and

pumping iron and building yourself up in

that way and uh

appearing to be virtuous by um

repressing you know your your your

sexual needs and so on

i mean it's um it's a kind of um

it's the word i'm looking for it becomes

kind of

uh not sterile there's another word

which probably describes i know you mean

that

yeah but um

i don't know it's just it just strikes

me as being

so devoid of relating of doing

something about something which isn't

really the thing in and of itself

it's symbolic isn't it yes it is

symbolic conversion

yeah like the success of libido

having been in that situation before if

you can actually

i know it appears cognitive at first to

be like this is a good idea to build

myself into a strong man

it's not really if you sit in the moment

and think about it

it's something is compelling you to do

it and usually the cognitive result of

that is i must do it or else i'm not a

man

something like that then you know you're

being driven by something else

there's a complex there that there's an

instinct underneath that wants to come

through

if you look at what's happening and what

you obviously talk about the personal

myth a lot

it's like well the base of that or the

usual deepest layer that you can go to

for for um

um just general practicality is mating

and relating

and it's like if those things aren't in

place but these other things are

what's driving you what's driving this

it's another way to sort of get back

down yeah

instinct again and be like okay wait

what buy his libido or buy her libido

you shall know them yes

it's like so why where's this interest

coming from

and it could well be obviously on topic

of this conversation we've gone off a

little bit of a tangent

but it could well be something like an

overprotective mother or it could be an

absolute father or other

experience yeah that's the depth

psychology way of doing it it is that's

why we've got all of these theories

really um

that have branched off from freud and

joseph breuer who's often forgotten

um the declinings

and the object relations school all of

this has come from something it's come

from real world observation

and we may disagree with some of their

conclusions or some of their emphases

we can't eliminate though the fact that

it's based on real observation of real

people

and that's important and this is one of

the drawbacks of young isn't it paul it

gets too abstract or is the

interpretation of him is that way

with what james was saying then about

how deep you can go

and this idea of individuation you get

this ego self-access idea

um it's not necessary to think in those

terms and it is a distraction and it's

why

paulie and i and particularly me on this

channel anyway

um promote shall we say the idea of the

genomic

self that it is biological in

origin you cannot separate yourself off

from your genome you have no choice

about that it's what you're born with

and its regulation regulates your

psychology

fundamentally can't escape from it your

development biologically

anyone would accept is based on your

genome so why would you separate your

psychology off

and then put in this other entity the

jungian

self as this reified

thing which manages everything it

doesn't the so-called

jungian self is a projection of the

genomic

self in our view in other words it is

the same thing but it's

that thing which stands a chance however

difficult

of being perceived within consciousness

and experienced as a symbol

within the culture that's what it is

it's a psychological experience of a

biological fact

which itself interfaces with culture

so when you bring it back down to the

logos of life

and lifespan as being a biological

release

of your genome and adaptation you

understand yourself better

immediately you don't have to throw away

spirituality so those people who

feel and pauline has often discussed

this uh

with me and pointed this out it's as if

people think or feel

in an inappropriate way that they are

dispensing with spirituality by focusing

on biology

they're not not at all what it means is

that they're too attached to fantasy

when you can ground yourself in biology

you can authentically move forward

this is why we you know i talk about

freud first then ardler

then young so in other words instincts

and biology then social adaptation

and then you can address jungian issues

so-called spiritual and trans-personal

issues

if you don't deal with your biology if

you don't deal with your social and

environmental

aspects of life and adaptation you'll

never have a spiritual life

because life will eliminate you way

before you get there

and if you're lucky and you somehow

navigate your way through to a jungian

level but you've still got a pile of

freudian and adlerian issues

left behind and you're awake they will

come for you so you need to address them

and remember that a lot of jungian talk

conceals freudian and adlerian issues of

adaptation yeah

so important yeah well i was talking to

um a lady yesterday who

um is very

knowledgeable um and all the jungian

ideas she also has a wider understanding

of psychology too

and understands about the model that we

use

but um nonetheless she was

she had reduced everything to psychology

with respect to

understanding and interpreting some of

the difficulties that she's been having

in her own life

and it was the thing that struck me

about it and i think struck her

as well as she was um she was giving

this

um very sort of um

lengthy analysis really of her own

situation i kind of just sat and

listened to her patiently for some time

because

it almost felt that it was necessary for

it to give this exposition

um at the at the by the end of the

session

it was quite clear that it was all

irrelevant and she talked around lots of

things she talked around for and like i

said she was pretty well informed so she

was talking around things like the

animus

around transferential issues um

about complexes etc etc and

at the at the end of the session it got

down to the fact that well she's

she's hit 30. she's in a relationship

with somebody she's not sure whether

it's the right

relationship for her or not um

and the pressure to become a mother the

instinct to become a mother is

is starting to um

well it's been making itself known for

some time but it's starting to increase

in intensity

and she's a career woman and all all of

those things obviously are on her mind

as well and also the relationship

to uh her own mother but also the

the complete lack of transmission

transgenerationally through the female

line for her

about what it means to be a mother

herself

and her early conditioning uh was such

that she was made to feel that she

always had to prove herself and that she

had to go out into the world of work and

prove herself as well and that she had

to be competitive

uh with her siblings and it was as if

she's or she has been for a long time

this kind of constant drive state

and you could you could see um

from her body language and from the the

increased emotionalism

that she was emotionally and physically

exhausted

because she was so driven but at the

very heart of that

the very bottom of all of that was her

need to be a mother

and to do things her own way but she had

no

decent female role models to fall back

on

through which to um uh

to to draw on if you like to to be

nourished by

uh that would allow her to release

her own potential to become a mother and

to do things in her own way

and she said to me at the end of the

session she said well

i really wasn't expecting that i'd i'd

you know i wanted to talk to you because

i wanted to talk to you about

about theoretical issues really and

she had to accept by the end of the

session well that's that's the thing

that's where the pressure

is coming from for her to actualize that

aspect of her

herself and she also said

well i guess the the only way i'm going

to

solve this problem is in the doing of it

and that might not seem like a lot to

say but that's actually quite a profound

thing because

yes she does have to go through it

in order to resolve it and yes she will

hit up against a mother complex and it

will try and interfere

with what she has in mind and and uh

with even just say uh getting to a point

where she gets pregnant

and you know obviously there will be

issues beyond the pregnancy as well

but unless she

goes with that and she fulfills the

obligation

to the genome she will never resolve it

and it just struck her i think in that

moment that that's what she has to do

and the difficulties that she's having

uh

relating to her partners well to some

extent

will be resolved as well by her

by allowing herself to go with that

process because

he was almost parenting her and that was

pushing her into a particular state

where she

in relation to her him she was more of a

child

and i had to say to look if he's allowed

to release his instincts properly

and therefore to father his own children

then the likelihood of him wanting to

father you in in that kind of

almost inappropriate way will probably

fall away as well and so many issues can

be resolved

by as i think we're all saying

by tuning into the instincts and finding

out what they want from us

and find a way of managing them and

managing that process in our everyday

lives

and i i really i really hope that and i

do believe she could be a fantastic

mother

there's no reason why not and the the

going

through with that and the living office

that lived experience

is what ultimately will blow our own

mother complex away

and it will be irrelevant at that point

she needs to go out and be a mother

and be a mother on her own terms in her

own way

with her own experiences and to simply

look out for where her mother complex

might try and intrude on that

but the more she does it and the more

she works on it the less of an issue

will be

i do believe that and uh you know like i

say it was

um it was a bit of an eye-opener i think

too because she hadn't expected that

that was

that was the thing that was really

bothering her

perfect exposition of how practically uh

to look at things from a therapist point

of view uh guiding somebody

who thinks they have a theoretical

problem and has their head full of

in this case it is probably jungian yes

it was yes it was all

animus stuff and typological stuff and

yeah so all the jungian constructs were

there

but getting in the way of her instincts

being expressed properly you can

utilize the theory later it's a luxury

when you're comfortable enough

to do with it but uh right in the raw

when you need to deal with

adaptation you have to go where the

adaptation is or has

not been so far in your life yes so that

was a perfect example

yes outside of uh theoretical rebuttals

which you tend to get from me

i think the the the thing that that

struck me was her own

realization or the the realization that

our psyche

provided in that moment of what she

needed to do that that was

what struck me the most really was that

suddenly

it was summed up for her the way forward

the way out of it and it was it was

clear and it was simple

and uncomplicated and it was

it was um

you could say it was a kind of spiritual

awakening

in a way oh yeah but this is what you've

been saying about the instincts

as being a vehicle yes to spiritual oh

yes

in a way that people don't fully

understand that they can be

i totally agree because it was an

awakening when you have a truly numerous

experience

you're on the side if you like and of

your instincts but also of your genome

that's why you get the rush that's why

the emotions pour through why you feel

better emotionally because your genome

which is watching you all the time

will say that's it that's what you want

yeah that's what you

need if you then replace that

awareness with a whole set of construct

ideas you've lost it yeah

you've dropped it you've dropped the

progress you could have made

don't do that don't do that thank you

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