what women actually find attractive

OnPointFresh

29 Aug 202309:29

Summary

TLDRThe video explores the difference between the male and female gaze, highlighting that women are often attracted to much more than just physical traits. The female gaze focuses on storytelling, confidence, emotional intelligence, and creativity, while men tend to overly simplify attraction to physical attributes. It also explains why women can find different types of men attractive—from muscular, masculine figures to softer, creative ones like artists. Additionally, it debunks common misconceptions about height, income, and status, emphasizing that attraction is multifaceted and personal preferences vary widely.

Takeaways

😀 The biggest mistake men make in trying to attract women is using the male gaze, which focuses primarily on physical appearance, rather than the female gaze, which values emotional and story-driven connections.
📚 Women are often more attracted to storytelling, creativity, and emotional depth, which is why romance novels and fanfiction are dominated by female audiences.
👗 The way a man dresses, carries himself, and behaves communicates a story, which women pick up on and find attractive.
💪 While physical appearance matters, women's preferences vary greatly, and they are often attracted to a mix of masculine and feminine features.
🤔 The 'black pill' mindset of feeling hopeless due to high standards (like height, wealth, and fitness) is countered by the reality that many women value confidence, security, and charisma over purely physical traits.
💁‍♀️ The female gaze is flexible, meaning that initial physical attraction can grow or diminish depending on a man's personality and actions.
📏 Women's preferences for height, income, and status are relative; most prefer a man who is slightly taller and earns a bit more than them, rather than strictly adhering to extreme ideals.
🍑 Men should focus on finding their niche rather than trying to appeal to everyone. Being universally attractive is unrealistic, and embracing one's unique qualities will attract the right kind of people.
💔 Dating apps distort natural attraction because they rely solely on looks, which makes forming genuine connections difficult.
😎 Bad boys are attractive not for their rebellious nature, but because they exhibit traits like confidence, self-assurance, and boundary-setting, which are seen as desirable qualities.

Q & A

What is the main difference between the male gaze and the female gaze?
-The male gaze tends to focus on physical attractiveness and external qualities, while the female gaze is more story-driven, emphasizing traits like confidence, creativity, and emotional connection.
Why are women attracted to both traditionally masculine men and less stereotypically masculine figures like members of BTS?
-Women are attracted to a wide variety of traits beyond physical appearance, such as creativity, emotional depth, and personality. Attraction isn't limited to traditional masculinity; it's influenced by the story a person tells through their actions, looks, and personality.
Why are romance novels and fan fiction so popular among women?
-Romance novels and fan fiction appeal to women because they are deeply rooted in storytelling, emotional connection, and the exploration of relationships, all of which align with the female gaze.
What role does body language play in the female gaze?
-Body language is crucial in the female gaze as it tells a story about confidence, attitude, and personality. Women often pick up on subtle cues like how a man walks, makes eye contact, or carries himself.
Do looks matter to women, and if so, how do they factor into attraction?
-Looks do matter to women, but not in a rigid way. While some features like height, jawline, or physique may be ideal, women's attraction can vary widely, and other factors like confidence and personality can greatly influence how attractive someone is.
What is the 'black pill antidote' discussed in the video?
-The 'black pill antidote' refers to observing real-world couples to counter the idea that only tall, fit, and rich men are attractive. In reality, many women are attracted to average men due to a wide range of factors beyond physical appearance, like confidence and personality.
How can a man's physical attractiveness grow over time in the female gaze?
-In the female gaze, physical attraction can increase as a woman gets to know a man better. A man may start as 'just okay' physically but can become more attractive as his personality, confidence, and other non-physical traits become apparent.
How do women view traits like height, income, and status when looking for a partner?
-Women view traits like height, income, and status in relative terms rather than absolute ones. For instance, a woman might prefer a man who is taller than her, rather than someone who meets a specific height threshold. Similarly, slight differences in income or status can be appealing without needing to reach extreme levels.
Why is it important for men to find their niche instead of trying to appeal to everyone?
-It's important for men to embrace their niche because trying to appeal to everyone is ineffective. Different women are attracted to different traits, and focusing on developing qualities that are true to oneself is more likely to attract compatible partners.
What qualities make 'bad boys' attractive to women?
-'Bad boys' are attractive because they often display confidence, assertiveness, and independence. These traits, along with a sense of self-validation and the ability to set boundaries, are highly appealing through the female gaze.

Outlines

00:00

👀 Understanding Male vs Female Attraction Perspectives

The biggest mistake men make when trying to be attractive to women is focusing on the male gaze instead of the female gaze. Women's attraction is complex and varied, as exemplified by the popularity of both tall, muscular men and members of BTS. The video will explore how women's attraction is story-driven, resisting the urge to distill it into a science.

05:03

📚 The Story-Driven Female Gaze

The female gaze is largely story-driven, which explains why romance novels and fan fiction are consumed mainly by women. Women love artists and musicians because their creativity tells a story. Everything from how a man dresses to his body language communicates a narrative that women pick up on, often unconsciously.

👨‍🦰 Looks Still Matter

While personality and story are crucial, physical appearance also plays a role in attraction. Women tend to like features such as a defined jawline, a fit physique, and a mix of masculine and feminine traits. However, there is no universal ideal—what women find attractive can vary greatly, much like how men can have diverse tastes.

🧠 The Black Pill Antidote: More Than Looks

Many men feel hopeless when hearing about women's ideals for tall, fit, and rich men, but the reality is more nuanced. Observing real-life couples reveals that average men often date beautiful women, emphasizing that women's attraction is about more than physical traits—it's about confidence, kindness, and a variety of emotional and social qualities.

🌱 The Female Gaze Evolves Over Time

Physical attraction can grow as a woman gets to know a man better. Many men fall into a 'he's alright' category at first but can later become 'really hot' as women get to know them. This is often hard for men to understand, as they can fall in love instantly with a beautiful woman at first glance.

📏 Height, Income, and Status: Relative vs. Absolute

Attributes like height, income, and status are important but are often misinterpreted by men. Women don’t need a man to be extremely tall or wealthy—just taller than them and making slightly more money. Status is also relative and varies between relationships.

🍑 Wide Appeal vs. Niche Appeal

Men shouldn’t try to appeal to everyone. Instead, they should focus on their niche, like French cuisine rather than fast food. This analogy highlights that trying to be universally attractive isn't necessary; focusing on a specific appeal, like fitness or creativity, can be much more effective in finding compatible partners.

📱 The Tinder Dilemma: Swiping Isn’t Natural

Dating apps provide a distorted way of meeting people, where deeper attributes like personality, humor, and character can't be properly conveyed. While men and women continue to use these platforms, they often find them frustrating. Despite this, it’s still possible to craft a profile that tells a compelling story.

😎 Why Women Like 'Bad Boys'

Women are attracted to 'bad boys' not because of criminal behavior but because of traits they represent, like confidence, self-assurance, and setting boundaries. These qualities are the opposite of being a pushover, which is universally unattractive. It’s not about being rich or dangerous, but about the traits that lead to success, such as hard work and creativity.

💡 Final Thoughts: Embracing Both Sides of Attraction

Men often derive their self-worth from how attractive they are to women, leading to unrealistic standards. While there’s nothing wrong with trying to become more attractive, understanding both male and female perspectives provides a fuller picture. Authenticity and self-confidence are key to letting one's true self shine through.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Male Gaze

The 'male gaze' refers to the way men perceive and evaluate attractiveness, often focused on physical attributes. In the video, it is suggested that men often try to make themselves more attractive to women by using the male gaze, which prioritizes visual cues. However, this overlooks the complexity of what women find attractive, which extends beyond just looks.

💡Female Gaze

The 'female gaze' is a concept that describes how women perceive attractiveness, which is more story-driven and emotionally oriented compared to the male gaze. The video emphasizes that women are often drawn to characteristics like confidence, kindness, and personal story, rather than just physical appearance. For example, women may find artists and musicians attractive because they tell a story through their creativity.

💡Romance Novels

Romance novels are highlighted in the video as a popular genre among women, reinforcing the idea that women are drawn to stories and emotional connections. The best-selling nature of romance novels year after year is used as evidence to show that women seek deeper narratives in their perceptions of attractiveness.

💡Physical Attraction

Physical attraction refers to the appeal of someone’s physical appearance, which is addressed in the video as being important but not the sole factor for women. The video mentions examples like tall, fit, and handsome men, yet stresses that women’s preferences vary greatly and that physical attractiveness is just one piece of the puzzle.

💡Confidence

Confidence is described as one of the most attractive traits in men through the female gaze. Confident men are portrayed as secure, self-validated, and independent, making them appealing. The video suggests that women are attracted to men who are not overly concerned with seeking validation from others.

💡Bad Boys

The 'bad boy' archetype represents men who are confident, assertive, and independent, often seen as attractive to women. The video argues that women like 'bad boys' not for their rebellious or dangerous behavior, but because they exude traits like confidence, social assertiveness, and the ability to stand up for themselves and others.

💡Relative Attractiveness

Relative attractiveness refers to how women assess attractiveness in relation to themselves, rather than in absolute terms. For instance, a woman might prefer a man who is taller than her, even if he is not exceptionally tall by societal standards. The video uses this to explain that men often misunderstand female preferences as absolute, when in reality, they are relative to individual context.

💡Black Pill

The 'black pill' refers to a nihilistic belief held by some men that they will never be attractive to women because of their physical appearance or social status. The video offers an antidote to this mindset, suggesting that women don’t view male attractiveness purely in terms of physical traits, and encourages men to observe real-life couples to see the broader range of male attractiveness.

💡Tinder Dilemma

The 'Tinder dilemma' refers to the unnatural way dating apps like Tinder create selection processes based solely on visual appeal. The video argues that this is problematic because key traits that women find attractive, like confidence and charisma, cannot be fully communicated through a profile. As a result, Tinder can distort how people approach dating and attractiveness.

💡Niche Appeal

Niche appeal refers to the idea that men should focus on being attractive within a specific 'niche' or community, rather than trying to appeal to everyone. The video uses the analogy of being 'French cuisine' instead of 'McDonald's' to highlight the importance of finding one's unique strengths and thriving in a particular area of interest, such as fitness or art.

Highlights

Men often try to be attractive to women through the male gaze instead of understanding the female gaze.

The female gaze is more story-driven; women are attracted to narratives and the stories men tell through their choices.

Physical appearance is important, but women have varied tastes, and attraction isn't purely physical.

The ideal male appearance has huge variance: someone who combines masculinity and femininity might be as attractive as a purely masculine figure.

Many men feel disheartened by female ideals of being tall, fit, and rich, but real-life couples show a broader reality.

Women appreciate qualities beyond looks, such as confidence, kindness, humor, skills, empathy, and how a man treats others.

The female gaze is flexible; physical attraction can grow once a woman gets to know a man better.

The idea of height, income, and status is often relative for women, not absolute.

Most women prefer a man who's a bit taller than them and earns slightly more, but the gap isn't as vast as some believe.

Men should focus on finding their niche and thriving in it instead of trying to appeal to everyone.

Dating apps present a skewed perspective on attraction, focusing mostly on appearance.

Bad boys are attractive because of traits like confidence, boundary-setting, and social skills, not necessarily because they're rebellious or dangerous.

Wealth is attractive not just for the money but for qualities like hard work, determination, and creativity.

Many men derive self-worth from female validation, which can lead to unrealistic standards.

The importance of understanding both perspectives on attractiveness can help men be their authentic selves.