5 Gender Differences In Communication - Verbal and Nonverbal Styles

Summary

In this video, Michael Grinder explores the nuanced differences in communication styles between men and women, a topic often considered taboo. He discusses how females can focus on both the content and the delivery process of a conversation, unlike males who tend to concentrate on the content alone. Grinder highlights the importance of understanding these differences for effective communication. He also touches on decision-making processes, where females prefer involvement, while males often focus on the final decision. Additionally, he notes the contrasting perceptions of credibility and approachability in voice and body language. The video concludes by emphasizing the need for awareness of these distinctions to foster better understanding in relationships.

Takeaways

• 🗣️ Communication Styles: Females can focus on both the content and the process of communication, while males tend to concentrate on the content alone.
• 👤 Non-Verbal Cues: Females often use head nodding and sounds to show support in conversations, whereas males may avoid these to prevent being misinterpreted as agreeing.
• 🤔 Decision-Making: Females prefer to be involved in the decision-making process, not just receiving the final decision, while males often focus on the outcome.
• 👥 Sharing Ambivalence: Males may need to learn to share their thought process and ambivalent feelings to build closer connections, as females tend to do.
• 🎤 Voice and Approachability: Females' voice and body language are often more approachable, while males' more static demeanor can be perceived as credible.
• 🚹🚺 Gender Perception: If a male becomes more approachable, he might be seen as sensitive, but if a female becomes more credible, she might be labeled negatively.
• 🏡 Bringing Up Issues: In relationships, males are more likely to avoid difficult subjects and resort to stonewalling, whereas females tend to initiate these discussions.
• 🔍 Different at Home and Work: People's communication styles can differ significantly between their home and work environments.
• 📊 Statistical Differences: Sometimes, the statistical information about communication styles of males and females can be the opposite of what is commonly believed.
• 👥 Elephant in the Room: It's important for both genders to acknowledge and address the differences in communication styles openly.

Q & A

What is the taboo subject Michael Grinder is discussing in the script?

The taboo subject Michael Grinder is discussing is the difference between female and male styles of communication.

Why might some people be offended by discussing male and female styles of communication?

Some people might be offended because it touches on gender stereotypes and can be seen as controversial or insensitive.

How does Michael Grinder describe the difference in how females and males process conversation?

Michael Grinder explains that females can focus on both the content and the process of conversation, while males tend to focus on the content but not the process.

What does Michael Grinder suggest is a common non-verbal cue used by females during conversations?

Females often bob their heads and make encouraging sounds to indicate support for both the process and content of the conversation.

Why might males be hesitant to use non-verbal cues like nodding during conversations?

Males might be hesitant to nod because they fear it could be misinterpreted as agreement with the content rather than support for the conversation.

What does Michael Grinder suggest is a key difference in decision-making styles between females and males?

Females prefer to be involved in the entire decision-making process, while males tend to focus on the final decision.

How does Michael Grinder's wife expect him to communicate his decision-making process?

Michael Grinder's wife expects him to share his ambivalent feelings and thought process, rather than just presenting the final decision.

What is the difference Michael Grinder highlights between being 'credible' and 'approachable' in terms of communication styles?

Females are often seen as approachable due to their voice and head movements, while males are seen as credible with still heads and direct speech.

What challenge does Michael Grinder mention regarding the perception of females becoming more credible?

When females try to be more credible, they risk being perceived negatively, unlike males who can be seen as 'new age sensitive guys' when they become more approachable.

What does Michael Grinder say about who typically brings up difficult subjects at home?

Michael Grinder mentions that in 80% of the cases, it is the males who bring up difficult subjects at home, even in both happy and unhappy relationships.

What term does Michael Grinder use to describe a male's tendency to avoid discussing difficult subjects?

Michael Grinder uses the term 'stonewalling' to describe a male's tendency to avoid discussing difficult subjects.

Outlines

00:00

🗣️ Communication Styles: Male vs. Female

Michael Grinder initiates a discussion on the differences in communication styles between males and females, acknowledging the sensitivity of the topic. He explains that females can focus on both the content and the process of communication, often showing support through nodding and encouraging sounds, which does not necessarily imply agreement. Males, on the other hand, tend to concentrate on the content and may misinterpret such gestures as agreement. Grinder emphasizes the importance of understanding these differences to foster better communication.

Keywords

💡Female and Male Communication Styles

This concept refers to the different ways that women and men tend to communicate, both verbally and non-verbally. The video highlights that women often focus on both content and process during a conversation, while men are more content-focused. Women may nod or make encouraging sounds to support the speaker, while men may hesitate to do this as they fear it may be seen as agreeing with the content. This sets the foundation for discussing the various differences in communication patterns.

💡Process vs. Content

Process refers to how communication is delivered, while content refers to what is being communicated. In the video, it's noted that women pay attention to both the process and content of a conversation, using body language like nodding and vocal affirmations to show engagement. Men, on the other hand, focus more on the content and may avoid signaling too much with body language for fear of misinterpretation.

💡Encouraging Sounds

Encouraging sounds like 'hmm' or 'uh-huh' are verbal cues used by women to show they are engaged and supportive of the conversation's process, even if they don't agree with the content. These sounds are described as part of how women maintain connection and facilitate the flow of conversation, while men may avoid such sounds to prevent giving the impression of agreement.

💡Decision-Making Process

The video discusses how women and men approach decision-making differently. Women often prefer to be involved in the entire process, discussing ambivalence and feelings, while men tend to focus only on the final decision. This concept illustrates a common source of communication conflict in relationships, where men may present their final decision without involving women in the process, leading to frustration.

💡Credible vs. Approachable

This refers to how men and women are perceived based on their body language and tone of voice. Women are often seen as approachable due to their softer, rolling voice patterns and head movements, but they may struggle to be seen as credible. Conversely, men are seen as credible due to their stillness and authoritative tone, but may have difficulty appearing approachable. The video points out the unfair societal expectations tied to these perceptions.

💡Stonewalling

Stonewalling is when one person in a conversation, usually a man according to the video, shuts down and avoids discussing difficult or emotional topics. This behavior is common when men are uncomfortable or feel overwhelmed by a conversation, particularly when it involves sensitive issues. The video highlights that men are more likely to stonewall, especially in difficult relationship discussions.

💡Taboo Subject

The speaker refers to the discussion of male and female communication differences as a 'taboo subject' because some people find it controversial or uncomfortable to acknowledge differences based on gender. This highlights the sensitivity around gender-based generalizations, particularly in the context of modern discussions about equality and gender roles.

💡Elephant in the Room

In the video, the 'elephant in the room' refers to the unspoken differences in communication styles between men and women that can lead to misunderstandings. Both men and women need to explicitly address these differences (the elephant) to improve communication, rather than letting them cause confusion or tension.

💡Ambivalence

Ambivalence refers to having mixed feelings or contradictory ideas about something. In the context of decision-making, women are described as more likely to share their ambivalent feelings as part of the decision-making process, while men tend to withhold this internal conflict, focusing only on presenting a final decision.

💡Stereotypes

Stereotypes play a role in how society expects men and women to communicate. For example, a woman who shifts from being 'approachable' to 'credible' may be labeled with the negative 'B word,' while a man who becomes more 'approachable' is praised as sensitive. The video critiques these unfair societal double standards based on gendered expectations of communication.

Highlights

Michael Grinder introduces a taboo subject: the differences in verbal and non-verbal communication styles between females and males.

Females can focus on both the content and the process of communication simultaneously, while males tend to focus on content alone.

Females often use non-verbal cues like nodding and sounds to show support for the conversation process, not necessarily agreement with the content.

Males may avoid nodding to prevent being misinterpreted as agreeing with the content being discussed.

It's important for both genders to clarify their intentions when using non-verbal cues to avoid misunderstandings.

Females typically want to be involved in the entire decision-making process, not just the final decision, unlike males who often focus on the outcome.

Sharing the decision-making process can make females feel more connected and involved in the outcome.

Males are often seen as more credible when they maintain a still posture and voice, while females are perceived as more approachable with a rolling voice and head movements.

Becoming more approachable can help males be seen as sensitive, but for females, it can lead to being perceived as less credible.

In relationships, males are more likely to bring up difficult or sticky subjects, often resorting to stonewalling when they dislike discussing such topics.

Understanding the differences in how males and females communicate can lead to better communication and relationships.

The transcript suggests that there are more differences between how males and females communicate at work versus at home.

The speaker has blog posts available for those interested in reading more about the communication styles of males and females.

The transcript acknowledges that the information provided is just scratching the surface of a complex topic.

The speaker humorously addresses the potential controversy of discussing gender communication styles, given his six sisters.

Statistical information about communication styles can sometimes be the opposite of what is commonly believed.

Males and females may have different preferences for when and how to share ambivalent feelings during decision-making.

Transcripts

- Michael Grinder here.

I'm gonna talk about a taboo subject.

What is the difference verbally

and non-verbally between female

and male styles of communication?

Some people are even offended by talking about

male and female styles of communication.

So please, bear with me as I get in trouble

talking about controversial issues.

By the way, I have six biological sisters

they wanna know why they're not getting to appear also,

I promise I'll share it with them.

(gentle music)

(gentle music)

Number one, you have to really understand

that the way females and males talk are different.

In what way?

Well, one of them is, a female can talk

about content and pay attention to the process

of how it's being delivered at the same time.

Males they can pay attention to the content,

but not the process.

It helps you appreciate why when females are listening

they bobbed their head like this.

They make encouraging sounds. Hmm. Uh uh.

What they're doing is they're indicating

I'm supporting the process as well as the content

that you're saying, males they're afraid.

If they bob their head, they may be interpreted

as a green with whatever the content is.

Both of them have to get that elephant out.

The female oftentimes has to say this

I'll be bobbing my head.

and I'm told that I make encouraging sounds all the time.

I want you to know it doesn't mean

I agree with what you're saying.

It means that I'm supporting our conversation.

The male has to do the same thing also.

You know, I've been told

that I don't bob my head a lot when I listen.

It's because I'm concentrating, in no way am i trying

to discourage you from talking, please continue.

As long as you get the elephants out,

it's okay if there's a difference.

And if I may, sometimes the statistical information

about males and females (laughs)

are exactly the opposite.

And sometimes how we are at work

is very different than how we are at home.

One of the things that we want to suggest,

number two is that there's a huge difference

in terms of how decisions are made.

Actually, what you're going to find is

females want to be involved in the decision-making process

not just the final decision

whereas males will tend to only want final decision.

So that's why when my wife asked me,

honey what do you think about blah, blah, blah.

It's a rather complex decision.

I want to go away and think about,

I could, and will maybe, we are, vary both.

Here's another okay factor, bring them all together.

Then I come back and I just share my decision with her.

Ooh, I've learned that that does not work.

What she wants is for me to share,

I feel this way and I feel that way

then she feels closer to me.

So sometimes number two, the difference

between men and women are,

do you share your ambivalent feeling more

than one way at the same time or just your decision?

Another thing that would be really helpful to

understand is a difference

between credible and approachable.

Females structure of their voice tends to be

that they tend to move their head up and down

and their voice comes out very rolling.

So they're seen as being very, very approachable.

Males tend to have their heads still

as we mentioned earlier, so

that they are seen as being credible.

Here's, what's amazing, completely unfair.

Six sisters get ready.

If the male can learn how to be more approachable

he has a shot at being seen as new age sensitive guy.

Whereas a female that goes

from being approachable to be incredible.

The B word comes out, so unfair.

But it is a difference between males and females.

The other thing that you may want to look at

in terms of males and females,

point number four is the idea of

at home. When you have to bring up a sticky subject,

kind of, eh, you don't want to females bring it up

80% of the time were the males

and that's both in happy as well as unhappy relationships.

What's amazing about the male, the male doesn't

like talking about those difficult subjects.

He does what's called stonewalling.

You know the term stonewalling, 85% of the time.

Differences between males and females.

There's a lot.

This scratches the surface.

We even have blog posts on this

if you want to read more about it

Michael Grinder here, males and females.

(gentle music)

(gentle music)