Dark, dangerous, no light

Summary

In this episode of the Shan for Real podcast, Shan shares his personal struggle with suicidal thoughts and the daily risk of suicide. He recounts a humiliating experience that intensified his suicidal ideation and compares living with these thoughts to crossing the I55 Bridge in Memphis at night—dark, dangerous, and with no lights. Shan emphasizes the importance of talking about suicide, dispelling the stigma, and assures listeners that they are loved, valuable, and not alone. He concludes with a message of hope, mentioning a friend's five-year sobriety milestone, and encourages viewers to seek help and support.

Takeaways

• 😔 The podcast host, Shan, shares his ongoing struggle with suicidal thoughts and the daily risk he feels.
• 🔪 Shan admits to having a plan and items in his bag in case he decides to act on his suicidal urges.
• 🐟 He discusses a humiliating incident involving a woman he met on Instagram, which intensified his suicidal ideation.
• 🌉 Shan uses the metaphor of crossing the I55 Bridge at night to describe the darkness and danger of living with suicidal thoughts.
• 🤔 He ponders existential questions like being unlovable and not good enough, which are common in severe depression.
• 📞 Shan mentions the concern of loved ones, who might fear the worst when they can't reach him.
• 🗣️ He emphasizes the importance of talking about suicide and not ignoring it, as it happens every 40 seconds.
• 🙏 Shan credits his faith in God and Jesus Christ as a source of strength and hope in his darkest moments.
• 💔 The podcast also touches on the pain of feeling like a burden and the struggle to feel wanted and loved.
• 🎯 Shan's ultimate message is one of hope, love, and the importance of acknowledging and addressing suicidal thoughts.

Q & A

What is the main theme of the podcast episode described in the transcript?

The main theme of the podcast episode is the personal experience of living with suicidal thoughts and the impact of such thoughts on the individual's daily life.

Why does the podcast host mention the I55 Bridge in Memphis?

The podcast host uses the I55 Bridge as a metaphor for living with suicidal thoughts, describing it as dark, dangerous, and cramped, similar to the feelings one experiences when at risk of suicide.

What significant event happened in the host's life in 2020, 2021, and 2022 that reignited the desire to end his life?

The host was catfished and swindled out of money by a woman he met on Instagram, which led to feelings of humiliation and embarrassment, reigniting his desire to end his life.

How does the host describe the experience of being at risk for suicide every day?

The host describes it as crossing the I55 Bridge at night, which is dark, dangerous, and cramped, with no lights except for those from cars and trucks.

What question does the host ask himself when in a severe state of depression?

The host asks himself why he is not good enough for anybody, questioning his desirability, lovability, and worthiness.

Who is Kevin Hines and why is he mentioned in the podcast?

Kevin Hines is a man who survived jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. He is mentioned as an example of someone who experienced an immediate moment of regret and survived, illustrating the potential for hope and change.

What does the host suggest is a crucial part of dealing with suicidal thoughts?

The host suggests that managing and fighting suicidal thoughts every day is crucial, emphasizing the importance of ongoing mental effort to overcome them.

Why does the host believe his friend's gun didn't fire when he attempted to end his life?

The host believes it was an act of God that his friend's gun didn't fire, suggesting a higher power's intervention and the importance of faith in difficult times.

What message does the host want to convey to his audience about suicide?

The host wants to convey that suicide should not be ignored, that people are loved and not a burden, and that there is always hope with God's presence.

What does the host hope to achieve by sharing his story and experiences?

The host hopes to inspire people, spark conversations about suicide, and show that God is always present, providing hope and support even in the darkest times.