The EASY Way to Text Girls on Tinder, Hinge or Bumble
Summary
TLDRThis video script offers a comprehensive guide to improving online dating success by optimizing messaging strategies. It emphasizes the importance of creating attraction, comfort, and commitment within a few text exchanges to secure a date. The speaker shares a 22-year-tested strategy, debunks the myth of needing extensive online connection before meeting, and illustrates the process with a practical example from a dating app. The goal is to efficiently transition from app interaction to real-life dating by skillfully navigating conversations and avoiding common pitfalls.
Takeaways
- 📈 Improve Messaging: Small tweaks in messaging can significantly increase the number of dates obtained from dating apps.
- 🤔 Common Mistakes: Many men struggle with messaging, losing potential dates due to ineffective communication strategies.
- 🔑 Good Messaging: Effective messaging is simple and purposeful, each text moving the conversation closer to a desired outcome.
- 📝 Strategy Overview: The speaker has a 22-year-old online dating strategy that continually improves and refines over time.
- 🚫 Avoid Prolonged Messaging: Long conversations without making plans can lead to inactivity or being seen as 'just a friend'.
- 🤝 Building Blocks: To successfully transition from online to offline, one must establish attraction, comfort, and commitment.
- 📞 Final Message: The ultimate goal of messaging is to lead to a simple and direct exchange of contact information to plan a date.
- 💡 Early Mention of Plans: Introducing the concept of a date early in the conversation prevents it from feeling sudden or pressured.
- 🔄 Interaction Dynamics: The order of building attraction, comfort, and commitment may vary, but it often follows a specific sequence for effectiveness.
- 📉 Risk of Delay: Delaying the close after establishing necessary elements can lead to boredom, loss of momentum, and competition from other suitors.
- 🔗 We Formation: The use of 'we' in conversation indicates a sense of togetherness and is a strong sign towards commitment and comfort.
Q & A
What is the main claim made in the video script about online dating messaging?
-The main claim is that by making a few small tweaks in messaging, one can increase the number of dates obtained from apps like Hinge, Bumble, Tinder, and Match.com by five to ten times.
According to the script, what percentage of potential dates are typically lost due to poor messaging?
-The script suggests that 80 to 90 percent of potential dates are lost because of ineffective messaging.
What is the speaker's strategy for moving a conversation from an online dating app to an offline date?
-The speaker's strategy involves establishing attraction, comfort, and commitment within four to seven texts before suggesting to exchange phone numbers and plan a date.
What are the three elements a girl needs to feel before she's ready to meet offline, according to the script?
-The three elements are attraction, comfort, and commitment.
How does the speaker define 'attraction' in the context of online dating messaging?
-In the context of online dating, 'attraction' means being perceived as an attractive, fun, and high-value individual who is direct and assertive, without resorting to flattery or persuasion.
What does 'comfort' signify in the online dating messaging process described in the script?
-'Comfort' signifies that the girl has enough knowledge about the person to feel at ease and not be concerned about meeting a 'total weirdo' or someone potentially unsafe.
What is the importance of 'commitment' in the speaker's messaging strategy?
-'Commitment' is important because it means that the idea of meeting and making plans has already been introduced and agreed upon before the actual close of the conversation, preventing it from being a surprise or causing pressure.
What is the final message the speaker plans to send to a girl when initiating a conversation on an online dating app?
-The final message is a simple and direct request for the girl's phone number, phrased as 'Sounds good. My number's [number], what's yours?'
How does the speaker use the concept of 'we' in the conversation to build comfort and commitment?
-The speaker uses 'we' to create a sense of a shared entity between the two individuals, implying a connection and mutual understanding, which helps build comfort and a sense of commitment.
Can you provide an example from the script where the speaker uses humor and playfulness to establish attraction?
-An example is when the speaker messages a girl saying, 'I feel like you copied off my paper for this test,' using humor and a playful tone to get her attention and establish attraction.
What is the significance of the phrase 'challenge accepted' used by the girl in the example provided?
-The phrase 'challenge accepted' signifies that the girl is willing to meet the speaker's standards and is ready to take on the challenge of going on a date, indicating a positive level of attraction, comfort, and commitment.
Outlines
🚀 Boosting Online Dating Success
The speaker introduces a strategy to significantly increase the number of dates obtained from dating apps by optimizing messaging techniques. They emphasize that poor messaging is a common issue among men, causing a high loss of potential dates. The speaker promises to demonstrate a simple yet effective messaging approach that has worked for them for over two decades. They also mention common frustrations in online dating, such as getting stuck in endless messaging without progressing to a date or facing sudden silence when attempting to make plans. The key takeaway is that good messaging can lead to dates efficiently, and the speaker intends to share their proven strategy.
🔑 The Myth of Online Familiarity
This paragraph dispels the myth that extensive online interaction is necessary before meeting in person for a date. The speaker argues that because women are on dating apps with the intention of dating, they are more likely to prioritize a good date experience over an online conversation. The speaker introduces the concept of establishing three key elements in messaging: attraction, comfort, and commitment. These elements are crucial for a woman to feel ready to transition from online messaging to an offline date. The speaker also introduces their final message strategy, which is a simple and direct request for a phone number to move the interaction offline.
🤝 Building Attraction, Comfort, and Commitment
The speaker elaborates on the three essential elements for successful online messaging: attraction, comfort, and commitment. Attraction is established by being an appealing and assertive individual, not by trying to win over the woman through flattery. Comfort involves the woman feeling assured that the man is genuine and not a potential threat, requiring some level of personal connection. Commitment is about naturally integrating the idea of meeting up into the conversation, ensuring it does not come as a surprise. The speaker stresses the importance of not rushing to close the conversation without establishing these elements, as it may lead to rejection or a halt in communication.
📘 Example of Effective Messaging
The speaker provides a detailed example of an effective messaging sequence on the dating app Hinge. They demonstrate how to open the conversation with a witty and attention-grabbing message, establish attraction through playful banter, and subtly introduce the idea of meeting up early in the conversation. The example continues with the speaker responding to the woman's messages in a way that builds comfort by sharing personal preferences and maintaining a playful frame. The sequence culminates in the woman accepting the implicit challenge of a date, leading to the exchange of phone numbers and the arrangement of a date, illustrating the successful application of the discussed strategy.
🌟 Conclusion and Further Resources
In conclusion, the speaker summarizes the importance of the messaging strategy and encourages viewers to learn more through their online messaging guide. They acknowledge that the provided example is just the beginning and that various situations can arise in online dating. The guide promises to cover a wide range of scenarios, objections, and ways to maintain momentum in the conversation. The speaker invites viewers to visit the provided link for a comprehensive understanding of the messaging model and practical examples to improve their online dating experience.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Messaging
💡Attraction
💡Comfort
💡Commitment
💡Online Dating Strategy
💡Closing
💡Witty Banter
💡Factual Exchange
💡Challenge
💡Ghosting
Highlights
Potential to increase dates from dating apps by 5 to 10 times with small messaging tweaks.
Most guys are poor at messaging, losing 80-90% of potential dates due to ineffective communication.
Effective messaging is simple and doesn't need to be complicated.
A successful transition from app to offline meeting usually takes 4 to 7 texts with a clear purpose.
Online dating strategy that works for 22 years, constantly refined and improved.
Avoid common messaging pitfalls that lead to dead-end conversations or being perceived as 'just a friend'.
Dispelling the myth that extensive online conversation is needed before a date.
The importance of moving quickly to secure a date before other competitors.
Three essential elements to establish in messaging: attraction, comfort, and commitment.
The final message strategy to close the interaction with a simple and direct request for contact.
Creating a playful frame to initiate conversation and establish attraction.
The use of 'we' in conversation as a sign of comfort and potential commitment.
Introducing plans early in the conversation to avoid sudden pressure and ghosting.
The balance between building attraction and establishing comfort through message exchanges.
The importance of not closing the conversation before establishing the three key elements.
The risk of losing momentum and interest if the conversation is not closed after establishing attraction, comfort, and commitment.
An example of efficiently filling the three buckets (attraction, comfort, commitment) and successfully closing the conversation for a date.
The significance of responding to a girl's needs for comfort with logical and factual information about oneself.
Using challenges and playful banter to solidify attraction and commitment before closing for a date.
The final successful exchange of phone numbers and the agreement to move to the next step of planning a date.
Transcripts
what if I were to tell you you could be
getting five times to ten times as many
dates from apps like hinge Bumble Tinder
match.com then you're currently getting
simply by making a few small tweaks in
your messaging if you're like most guys
you're absolutely terrible at messaging
and you're losing 80 to 90 of your
potential dates because of it and here's
the thing good messaging isn't
complicated it's actually very very
simple most the time when I'm messaging
a girl to get her from the app to off of
the app it's four to seven texts and
they're not even complicated text every
single one has a purpose every single
one is moving it closer to the outcome
I'm going to show you exactly how you
can do that also in this video
[Music]
in just a few minutes I'm going to
explain to you my online dating strategy
that has been working for me for 22
years wow I'm actually quite old I guess
yes it's been working for more than two
decades and it gets better every single
year more refined and works better and
better so I'm going to show you that and
then I'm going to give you an example of
me using the that exact strategy so you
can see it in action let me know if this
sounds familiar to you you message a
girl for days and days even weeks and
weeks and you never actually get her
phone number never actually make plans
and then eventually her account goes
inactive and she stops messaging you
back or when you do eventually make
plans she says oh you know she's not
really ready or she sees you as more of
a friend at this point or whatever if
that's happened to you number one you're
doing something very very wrong number
two you're doing the same thing wrong
that most guys are doing this is the
result tons of guys are getting in their
online messaging or how about this how
about you have the entire interaction
seem to be going well the girl seems to
like you but every single time you go to
make plans she goes silent or starts
putting up objections or asking a bunch
of logical questions that stall the
interaction and get you nowhere that's
also very very typical and it's an issue
that tons of guys run into that keeps
them from getting dates and leads to a
ton of frustration or what about girls
constantly just giving you one word
answers or non-committal answers and
just seemingly never giving you anything
to work with or you have to keep
generating more conversation and
generating more conversation and it
feels like you're you know doing all the
work almost like lifting Boulders at a
quarry how hard it is and the girl seems
to just never give anything back again
this is a common frustration almost all
guys experience I'm going to show you
how to avoid all of these and how to
move your messaging purposely forward
towards an end result on a continual
repeated basis let's look into that
right now so let's first dispel the myth
that you need to really really get to
know a girl online before you can get
her onto a date that's simply not true
for a couple reasons number one the girl
is on an online dating app she has made
a commitment to herself that she's
putting time and energy and investment
into getting this area of her life
handled and actually if you take a long
time and other guys are messaging her
faster and getting her on dates faster
one of them is going to get her out on a
date have a good date with her and no
matter how good your online conversation
was that date is going to trump it that
date is going to matter more than
whatever happened online the point of
being on line is to get her offline in
fact with online there are three things
you need to establish once you've
established those things it is time to
close and with that in mind as I teach
you my method the first thing I'm going
to teach you is the very end because
everything is designed to make the end
as simple and straightforward as
possible so here is my planned final
message every time I start messaging a
girl see when I send that first message
I have in my mind the last message will
be this and everything I do throughout
the entire interaction is designed to
make this last message make sense and
the last message is this sounds good my
number's this what's yours very very
simple simple direct to the point in
order for that to be your last message
it means you have to have done a good
job with the rest of the interaction it
means you must have created a good
enough interaction that that makes sense
and in fact this sounds good part
specifically means you already got the
girl agreeing to plans or suggesting
plans before you even sent that last
message and again we're doing this
within four to seven messages so how do
we do that well there are three things
like I said that a girl needs to feel
before she's ready to be close before
she's willing to meet you offline
instead of just messaging you online and
those three things are attraction
comfort and commitment if she feels
those three things have been present in
the interaction or are present in her
feelings towards you now she is ready to
be closed so how do we bake that in and
what do each of those mean well first of
all attraction means that you are an
attractive guy it means that you are are
fun it means that you are in alignment
with her vision of what a high value guy
is it means that you are direct
assertive enough that you're moving
things forward and it means that you're
not just trying to like kiss her ass and
win her over that way it means she views
you as a strong individual worthy of
chasing worthy of her on a value level
next up Comfort she has to know you at
least a little bit before she wants to
make plans now when I first started
online dating in year 2000 this was huge
this was probably the biggest thing
because it was very weird and unusual to
do online dating at that time and
everybody was scared that they'd meet
like a serial killer online or something
like that now online dating is extremely
mainstream extremely normal and girls
you know have been on lots of online
days before so the level of comfort
needed is far less but they still need
to know you're not a total weirdo they
still need to know you're a real human
being and they still want to feel like
they have some idea of your personality
in the details of your life as opposed
to just being this like funny like glib
guy who has no substance behind it so
she wants to feel some level of comfort
so she knows that she's not going to
just end up in a weird situation or end
up with like a psycho and then finally
commitment and this is what I was
talking about when I said that you want
to be able to say sounds good at the
start of your last message the point of
commitment is that the nature of the
conversation should already be such that
you've mentioned plans and she's
mentioned plans before you're going for
the close you should not be bringing the
plans up on the clothes and you should
not be closing out of nowhere this is
one of the main reasons why guys will
have what appears to be a good
interaction and then they go to close at
the end and all of a sudden the girl
just ghosts them or goes silent because
it's a surprise to her she's not ready
for it it just seems to come out of
nowhere it kind of takes her off guard
or seems like too much pressure all at
once so you want to be bringing up the
concept of plans before you actually
close it should not just be in that last
closing message you should not for
example be closing with something like
hey you're seem pretty cool why don't we
get together for a date on Tuesday night
when before that you just been talking
about random topics that's too much too
fast all at once so just to reiterate
there are three buckets you need to fill
attraction Comfort commitment on the one
hand if you try to close before you
filled those buckets you're likely to
hear no get resistance and other things
that will slow down the interaction or
possibly cause it to come to a grinding
Halt and for the girl to just stop
messaging her entirely on the other hand
if you have built those three elements
and you don't close you're wasting time
at the very least and also the
interaction is going to start becoming
more boring it'll start losing impact
and momentum and also keep in mind that
when girls are messaging online they're
messaging other guys so the longer you
take online the more likely it is some
other guy will go on a date with her
first and impress her on the date so
that's another reason why once those
buckets are full you want to close and
get to the next step so by knowing that
those are the three buckets you need to
fill you now have a high level
understanding of what you're trying to
do whenever you're messaging a girl and
that's very important because every
single text sequence will be a little
different they're not going to go
exactly according to plan so I'm about
to show you an example where I quickly
and efficiently fill these three buckets
and then am able to close one quick note
to make the example make more sense
usually the order will be open
attraction Comfort commitment and close
it does not necessarily have to be that
order but you will find that in the
majority of cases it will be that order
because that keeps it interesting and
fun which keeps her around long enough
to build comfort with you and build a
commitment with you it does not have to
be in that order if she shows a strong
urge to commit early on then go ahead
and build that commitment you can build
the attraction as you go or if she she
wants to have a very comfortable
conversation you mix in just a little
bit of Attraction it can happen in that
order but most of the time I'd say at
least 75 80 percent of the time it's
going to be open attraction Comfort
commitment close and that's exactly the
structure you're going to see in this
particular example so let's look at it
so this example is from hinge and this
is a girl that was in my most compatible
so I had to message her first so I found
this prompt she said the way to win me
over is witty banter and intelligent
conversation and if you know my
personality at all you know I read that
and I thought hey that's me so I wrote
something along those lines in order to
get her attention and get the
conversation started but I wrote it a
little more cleverly I wrote I feel like
you copied off my paper for this test
winky face now what does this do first
of all it opens the conversation by
being a little bit interesting and it's
very critical to get our attention
because girls are ignoring far more guys
than they're responding to online
especially in a case like this where she
didn't match with you first right so
she's probably swiping left on you the
vast majority of the time you need to
get her attention you need to get on her
radar so I want to be a little more
interested also I'm putting in a little
bit of Attraction here because I'm being
a little bit cocky the fact that I'm
being cocky and saying she cheated off
my my test and claiming these things
without acting like I'm claiming them
it's a little bit of a cocky assertion
right so there's an open here there's a
little bit of Attraction here and I'm
being a bit interesting so she says in
this case we'll both pass the test with
flying colors so she responds in this
case we'll both pass the test with
flying colors now this is great for a
number of reasons number one she's
saying that I have good answers to the
test that she's copying off two she's
accepting my frame she's accepting I put
out this playful frame and she's going
along with it and she actually uses the
word we the word we is a very powerful
word because the very idea that there is
a We There is a you and her as an entity
together is already a very strong sign
towards commitment towards Comfort Etc
so this is a very positive response from
her so my response is perhaps I'll take
you for a celebratory drink as long as
you don't copy my order and then blindly
agree with me on everything all night so
what am I doing here well number one I'm
adding more attraction by the fact that
I'm pushing her away or creating a
standard for her saying don't blindly
agree with me you still have a standard
to meet as opposed to me trying to
convince her I'm good enough or kissing
her ass or trying to persuade her like
most guys are doing that's building more
attraction but very importantly because
things are going well because there's
already attraction Grant generated by my
first message and she's already in
playing some level of comfort and some
level of commitment with me I'm already
seeding the plans this is my second
message and I'm already mentioning the
plans but what am I doing I'm mentioning
them in the negative if this and this
and this happens we could do plans I'm
not saying please go on a date with me
in fact I'm saying you would have to
earn a date with me but I'm already
mentioning I'm already getting that
commitment I'm already mentioning the
plans by the second message so let's see
how she responds so she responds maybe
if we let me order first I'll blame you
for copying me instead okay so this is
pretty good in the sense that she's sort
of agreeing to the plans or she's
playing out the scenario of us being on
a date together and that's the beauty of
bringing up the date early on is that
you will get that on the other hand this
is sort of slightly a test because
the whole frame so far has been the idea
that I'm the one that is leading and
then she's copying me when she's trying
to reverse it maybe I'm the one copying
her so it's a little bit of a test
but it's a test that's mostly
pretty good so where are we at here so
we have some level of attraction we had
some comfort and commitment and we still
have that but now I need to generate a
little more attraction I need to make
sure sure that that's solidified so I
say only if you have very good taste
cocky line but I suppose it could be fun
to find out so continuing to proceed
forward with the plans but again with
the idea that we're finding out not that
I'm sure and the idea that I would only
copy her if she had good taste there's
still a standard for her to meet she's
still being appraised as well as me so
she says I have a tendency to go for the
less common items on the menu so you've
been forewarned now what is this this is
possibly another test a little bit
but mostly what is this it's Comfort
she's just exchanging facts with me and
once a girl likes you before she'll make
plans oftentimes she just wants to have
a little bit of a factual exchange she
wants to just have a little bit of get
to know you and so I think primarily her
Instinct here is to just have a little
comfort in the conversation that's what
she's kind of emotionally feeling and
that's mostly why she would be writing
this text so then I say I prefer the
tried and true best over the flavor of
the month in drinks as well as
companions so perhaps we'll be good in
all areas now this is a really
interesting frame for me to take what am
I saying here because she is indicating
she wants Comfort one type of comfort a
girl can want online is the idea a guy
will stick around or the fact the guy is
genuine and not just looking for sex or
not just looking for a one-night stand
Etc and so here because she's looking
for comfort in general I gave her this
little symbolic representation of
comfort baked into this message now I'm
not flat out saying you know it won't be
a one-night stand I'm not flat out
saying I'll be her boyfriend or anything
like that but I'm implying things that
are more comfortable because she
responded with Comfort but again I said
I prefer the tried and true best so I'm
still challenging her I'm still giving
her a standard to live up to so there's
a little more attraction jump bumped in
there and then so perhaps we'll be good
in all areas there's a little bit of
just keeping that idea of commitments
right I'm still every message it still
has the plans into it even if the plans
are not the primary thing so she says
sounds wonderful what are some of your
tried and true favorites in drinks as
well as companions this is a pure
Comfort seeking message she's saying I
want actual comfort from you that's how
you should read this the literal text is
not so important the most important part
of this is she's looking for a logical
answer she's looking for like some
feeling of who I am so I give a longer
answer than I usually would in text
usually I don't give long texts but
again she's looking for comfort so it's
kind of acceptable in this case I can't
say this particularly sophisticated but
I like wines that are a little bit sweet
and fruity and mixed drinks with
champagne that's completely logical that
has nothing to do with game in terms of
like provoking emotions or being high
value or anything like that it's just me
giving her facts and the reason I gave
her fax and gave her a little glimpse
into some little quirky element of me is
because she specifically asked for it in
the last message she's telling me how to
gamer basically she's telling me what
she needs in order to feel good about
going on a date with me so if she's
going to tell me I need this in order to
feel good about going on a date with you
obviously if I want to go on a date with
her I should probably give her what
she's asking for I'm gonna say as far as
favorite companions maybe I'll introduce
you to some some if you prove to be one
also and so again this challenge of if
she proves to be one of my favorite
companions then maybe there's something
on the end of it and so she says
challenge accepted and this is
absolutely the right message what does
this message say it says challenge
accepted as in you have enough
attraction in me that I am willing to
take on a challenge for you positive
challenge accepted means the comfort you
just gave me I have assessed and I agree
with it and I think that's sufficient
comfort and challenge accepted means I
accept the challenge of going on a date
with you I accept the challenge of plans
so this last message it's two words but
it says there's attraction there's
Comfort there's commitment in two words
challenge accepted perfect message to be
closing off of so what do I write the
closing message we all expect sounds
good my number is number what's yours
she responds phone number looking
forward to sharing some more fun convos
with you absolutely lutely the response
you want we have agreed a plan we've
agreed we like each other we've
exchanged numbers we're ready to get to
the next step and plan the date so
hopefully you enjoyed that high level
view into online dating and what you're
trying to do as well as hopefully you
learned a lot from that example
obviously this is just the tip of the
iceberg there are lots of eventualities
that can come up different objections a
girl can give different hesitations a
girl can give different ways the
conversation can get derailed never mind
what you need to do once you've gotten
the number to actually plan the date if
you want a lot more information about
all of that check out my full online
messaging guide it's at the link below
and in the description it's going to go
much more into depth about this model as
well as many more examples of me
applying it so that you'll see all the
different iterations the goal of that is
so that no matter what a girl will ever
send you you're going to know exactly
what to message back together from match
to phone number to date so check it out
at the link below and I will see you on
the next video
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