The Most Important Element of Compatibility in Relationships
Summary
TLDREl script destaca la importancia de la compatibilidad en las relaciones, enfocándose en la 'factibilidad' como su elemento más crucial. Expone que para lograr armonía y éxito en una relación, es esencial discernir lo que es flexible y adaptable frente a lo que es inamovible, como el acero, para nuestra bienestar. A través de ejemplos, ilustra cómo la falta de factibilidad puede causar incompatibilidad y desharmonía, y cómo la comprensión de nuestros límites y valores es fundamental para una relación exitosa.
Takeaways
- 🤝 La compatibilidad es crucial en las relaciones, ya que permite que dos cosas coexistan en armonía y beneficio mutuo.
- 🔑 El elemento más importante de la compatibilidad es la factibilidad, es decir, la capacidad de adaptarse y cambiar para lograr un efecto o resultado deseado.
- 🏗️ La factibilidad implica flexibilidad, negociabilidad, pliability y adaptabilidad en las relaciones.
- 🌐 La compatibilidad también se refiere a la disposición adecuada de las personas en nuestras vidas, respetando sus límites personales.
- 🚫 La incompatibilidad se manifiesta cuando hay aspectos de nuestras vidas que son inamovibles y no se pueden cambiar por la relación.
- 🏞️ Algunas personas pueden ser adaptables en ciertos aspectos, mientras que otros no pueden serlo, dependiendo de sus valores y preferencias.
- 🧗 La pasión por ciertas actividades, como el escalada, puede ser un punto de incompatibilidad si no hay un interés compartido por parte del compañero.
- 🌱 La flexibilidad es necesaria en las relaciones, pero también es importante reconocer lo que es verdaderamente importante y no se puede comprometer.
- 🤔 La evaluación de la compatibilidad implica discernir lo que es factible y lo que no lo es, lo que puede ser adaptable y lo que no.
- 🔄 La conversación sobre el compromiso en las relaciones a menudo se confunde, ya que las personas pueden tener definiciones diferentes de lo que significa comprometerse.
- 💔 Comprometerse en aspectos que son verdaderamente importantes para uno puede causar dolor y disonancia en la relación a largo plazo.
Q & A
¿Qué significa compatibilidad en el contexto de las relaciones?
-La compatibilidad en las relaciones se refiere a la capacidad de dos personas o cosas para coexistir en armonía, sin conflicto, y beneficiarse mutuamente.
¿Cuál es el elemento más importante de la compatibilidad en las relaciones?
-El elemento más importante de la compatibilidad en las relaciones es la 'trabajabilidad', es decir, la capacidad de adaptarse, moldearse o cambiar para lograr los resultados deseados.
¿Cómo se define 'trabajabilidad' en el contexto de las relaciones?
-La 'trabajabilidad' se define como la flexibilidad, negociabilidad y adaptabilidad en una relación, lo que permite cambios para producir resultados deseados y mantener la armonía.
¿Por qué es importante identificar lo que es trabajable y lo que no lo es en una relación?
-Es importante identificar lo que es trabajable y lo que no lo es para evitar engañarse a sí mismo o a los demás sobre lo que realmente se puede cambiar, y así evitar conflictos y mantener una relación armoniosa.
¿Puedes dar un ejemplo de algo que no sea trabajable en una relación?
-Un ejemplo sería una persona que ha elegido una especialidad médica que requiere estar de guardia constantemente. Si no está dispuesta a cambiar esta parte de su vida, esa área es intrabajable para ella.
¿Cómo puede afectar la falta de trabajabilidad a una relación?
-La falta de trabajabilidad puede causar desarmonía en una relación, ya que los aspectos intrabajables pueden generar incompatibilidades fundamentales que son difíciles de superar.
¿Cuál es la diferencia entre comprometerse en las cosas pequeñas y en las cosas grandes?
-Comprometerse en cosas pequeñas se refiere a ceder en preferencias menores, como elegir un restaurante. Comprometerse en cosas grandes implica ceder en aspectos que realmente importan, lo cual puede causar dolor y desarmonía en la relación.
¿Por qué algunas personas creen que el compromiso es crucial en las relaciones?
-Algunas personas creen que el compromiso es crucial porque piensan que ceder en lo que es importante a veces es necesario para mantener la relación, aunque esto pueda llevar a la desarmonía a largo plazo.
¿Qué ocurre cuando una persona cede en algo que realmente valora en una relación?
-Cuando una persona cede en algo que realmente valora, experimenta dolor y, eventualmente, esto causa desarmonía en la relación, afectando negativamente su éxito a largo plazo.
¿Cómo se puede determinar qué es trabajable en una relación?
-Se puede determinar qué es trabajable evaluando lo que uno realmente valora, sus preferencias, aversiones y deseos profundos. La autoevaluación honesta y la comunicación abierta son claves en este proceso.
Outlines
🤝 La importancia de la compatibilidad en las relaciones
El primer párrafo enfatiza la importancia de la compatibilidad en las relaciones, definiendo cómo la compatibilidad permite una coexistencia armoniosa y beneficiosa. Se discute que la compatibilidad es sobre crear arreglos adecuados con las personas y situarlas en el lugar correcto en la vida de acuerdo con sus límites personales, que incluyen emociones, pensamientos, deseos, necesidades y comportamientos. El concepto central es la 'trabajabilidad', que se refiere a la flexibilidad y adaptabilidad de ambas partes en la relación. Se argumenta que una relación puede ser exitosa y armoniosa si se conoce lo que es verdaderamente trabajable y lo que no lo es, y se evita engañar a uno mismo u otros sobre estas áreas. Se ofrecen ejemplos de cómo las personas pueden tener que adaptarse a las circunstancias de su relación, y cómo la falta de adaptabilidad puede conducir a la incompatibility y, en última instancia, a la ruptura de la relación.
🔄 Compromiso y trabajabilidad en las relaciones
El segundo párrafo explora el tema del compromiso en las relaciones y cómo las percepciones sobre él pueden ser diferentes entre las personas. Se argumenta que el compromiso a menudo se ve como una parte esencial de las relaciones, pero puede tener definiciones contradictorias. Algunas personas ven el compromiso como ceder en cuestiones importantes, lo que puede causar dolor y disonancia en la relación, mientras que para otros, el compromiso se refiere a ceder en detalles menores que no representan un valor profundo. Se menciona una discusión anterior sobre la importancia de no comprometerse en las relaciones, que generó controversia. El párrafo enfatiza la importancia de reconocer lo que uno realmente valora y lo que es importante para uno, y cómo estas áreas de 'no-trabajabilidad' pueden ser la causa de la disonancia extrema y el colapso de una relación. Se sugiere que el conocimiento de lo que es y no es trabajable en uno mismo es esencial para evaluar la compatibilidad y mantener relaciones armoniosas, mutuamente gratificantes y exitosas.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Compatibilidad
💡Trabajo
💡Límites
💡Adaptabilidad
💡Valores
💡Compromiso
💡Conflicto
💡Armonía
💡Deseos
💡Negotiable
💡Preferencias
Highlights
Compatibility is crucial in relationships for mutual well-being.
Compatibility involves harmonious coexistence without conflict.
Boundaries in relationships refer to personal feelings, thoughts, desires, needs, behaviors, and truths.
Workability is the most important aspect of compatibility.
Workable aspects in a relationship are flexible, negotiable, and adaptable.
Relationships require adapting and developing flexibility for harmony.
Understanding what is workable and unworkable is key to a successful relationship.
Unworkable aspects are like solid steel, necessary for well-being.
Workable aspects are like modeling clay, adaptable for the relationship's success.
Examples given include adapting to a partner's job demands or interests.
Incompatibility arises when unworkable aspects cannot be adapted.
Workability varies from person to person based on individual values and preferences.
Workability and compromise are essential in various types of relationships, not just romantic.
Compromise often involves giving up something valued, which can lead to disharmony.
Different people have different definitions of compromise, leading to confusion.
Assessing workability involves understanding one's values and what is truly important.
The concept of not compromising in relationships can be controversial.
Knowing one's workability and unworkability prevents extreme disharmony and relationship breakdowns.
Transcripts
compatibility is so important in
relationships when two things are
compatible their coexistence is
beneficial and adds to the well-being of
each of them but there is one element of
compatibility that is the most important
thing to consider if you want your
relationships to feel good today I'm
going to tell you what that one thing is
and explain it in
[Music]
detail compatibility is when two things
are able to exist or occur in a state of
Harmony and without conflict
compatibility is about creating the
right arrangements with people and
putting people in the right place in
your life according to their boundaries
by boundaries I mean their personal
feelings thoughts desires needs
behaviors truths and your boundaries
which means your personal feelings
thoughts desires needs Behavior truth
Etc but the most important element of
compatibility is workability or lack
thereof another way of saying this is
that the most important part of
assessing compatibility is to figure out
what is and what isn't workable
let's define workable in the context of
this conversation when something is
workable it is flexible it's negotiable
it's pliable it's adaptable it can be
influenced molded or changed so that it
produces the desired effect or the
desired results for relationship to be
harmonious successful mutually pleasing
right we are likely to find ourselves
changing certain things adapting to
certain things and developing
flexibility in certain ways for example
we may get into a relationship with a
person who loves Sports and as a result
we may end up spending a lot of time
watching sports where we didn't before
or we may be in a relationship with
somebody who gets a job in another
country and as a result we may end up
moving to another country when we would
have never moved to that place if we
were not in that relationship or we may
find ourselves in a relationship with
someone who is very emotionally volatile
and as a result we may have to change
our relationship to emotions and also to
learn how to effectively regulate
someone else but a relationship can only
be harmonious mutually pleasing and
successful if we know what is truly
workable for us and if we know what is
truly unworkable for us and it can only
be harmonious mutually pleasing and
successful if by knowing this we don't
delude ourselves or other people into
thinking that we are workable where we
actually are not to use a metaphor some
things about us and about our life are
unworkable like solid steel and they
need to be that way for the sake of our
well-being and other things are workable
like modeling clay and they need to be
for the sake of our wellbeing so that
you can understand this better here are
some examples a doctor has chosen a
specific specialty that requires her to
be on call this is creating disharmony
because her partner can't plan anything
that involves her and doesn't like this
feeling of her being able to be called
away at any moment for this specific
doctor this is an area of unworkability
there's no flexibility or changeability
relative to this thing in her life
because she loves her job so much and
doesn't want to switch Specialties so
the adaptability must be on the other
side but if needing a partner to be
reliably present happens to be an area
of unworkability for the other person
then there is genuine
incompatibility a person has strong
beliefs about veganism and animal
activism he starts to date a woman who
is new to the whole idea she feels
unable to just go off of all animal
products called turkey but Express is an
interest in trying vegetarianism so this
person decides that there is workability
relative to this thing for this man he
feels that he can tolerate eggs and
yogurt being in the fridge as long as
there's no meat in the fridge which
means that for him there is also
workability relative to this thing a
person loves climbing they met someone
on vacation that is not what you would
call
outdoorsy this starts to be a problem
because they never seem to want to do
the same thing the relationship seems to
be pulling this person up away from what
they love doing the most in the world a
very strong desire is born within this
person for a partner that they can be
with doing the thing they love the very
most someone who is also a climbing
Enthusiast they realize that it isn't
workable for them to have a partner who
is not intrinsically invested in
climbing too because all people are
different one person might exhibit
workability relative to something
whereas another person can't be workable
relative to that same thing for example
imagine your career demands that you
move around to different cities one
person might be able to be workable
relative to that but someone else might
have a family and friend group that they
are so close to and have no interest in
leaving that they could not be workable
relative to that thing keep in mind that
workability and lack thereof doesn't
only apply to romantic Partnerships it
applies to other relationships as well
such as friendships and work
relationships and family relationships
Etc when we have to assess what is and
what is not workable for us we begin to
wander into the territory of compromise
in relationships the problem with
conversations around compromise boils
down to two things the first is that
people currently see compromise as an
indisputably crucial part of
relationships and the second being that
when two people are using the word
compromise they are often talking about
two different things to compromise is to
settle a dispute or conflict or reach
agreement or alignment by way of mutual
concession remember that to concede is
to yield give up or give away something
you value keep in mind that when some
people are using the word compromise
they mean it how I describe it and that
they see compromise as being about the
big things that really matter when
people say that compromise is
important and they hold this definition
of compromise it's just another way of
saying it's important to give up what's
important to you sometimes and take some
pain for the sake of the
relationship but when other people use
the word compromise they mean the small
stuff stuff that doesn't really matter
because it doesn't really represent
something that the person deeply values
such as a person who has a preference to
eat at a certain restaurant but who
concedes to eat somewhere else because
the other person wants to eat there or a
person who may not have a particularly
strong conviction to any religion
joining a religion for the sake of their
partner when people say that compromise
is important
and they hold this definition of
compromise honestly it's just another
way of saying it's important to be
workable where you can be
workable does it make sense now why we
get confused when we talk about
compatibility and when we talk about
compromise one of the least popular
videos that I ever did was a video on
the importance of not compromising in
relationships every time my team posts a
quote from that video it ignites an
online flame War
why did I make such a bold claim because
a person can't give up something that
they value and thus that really matters
to them without experiencing pain that
eventually causes disharmony in the
relationship so when you're assessing
what is and is not workable you have to
assess what you truly value and what is
truly important to you and nobody can
tell you what is or isn't important to
you nor can they tell you what should or
shouldn't be important to you
nonetheless so many fights in
relationships especially fights around
compromise are about what a person
thinks should and shouldn't be
important so if you'd like to see that
controversial video as well as another
really good one on the topic of
compromise in
relationships the first is titled why
you should never make compromises in a
relationship and the second is titled do
you base your relationships on
compromise or
compatibility unfortunately you may
discover more about what is is and what
isn't workable specifically by being in
a relationship that makes you aware of
it but knowing what is and what is not
workable about you such as things about
yourself your life your values your
preferences your aversions your deep
desires Etc is the most important part
of assessing compatibility because these
areas of unworkability are what causes
extreme disharmony in a relationship and
they are quite frankly what breaks a
relationship apart finding compatibility
in these areas of unworkability is your
best shot at having a relationship that
is harmonious mutually pleasing and
successful have a good
[Music]
week
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