The 3 Levels of Verbal Self-Defense (Manipulators)
Summary
TLDRThis video script delves into the three tiers of verbal self-defense, starting with mild disagreements where individuals might need to assert themselves more. It progresses to Level Two, confronting manipulative tactics often used by narcissists who aim to degrade others for personal gain. The most perilous Level Three addresses cult-like indoctrination, where manipulators exploit vulnerabilities to control and confuse victims. The script advises on linguistic strategies to counter such manipulations and emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and setting boundaries to protect oneself.
Takeaways
- 😀 Level one of verbal self-defense involves mild disagreements where individuals may feel uncomfortable but not highly confrontational.
- 🤔 People who are often passive or submissive in interactions may need to build self-esteem and clarify their values to avoid being walked over.
- 🗣️ Clarification is key in level one, where individuals should express how they want to be treated and what they stand for to prevent misunderstandings.
- 📚 Basic education on oneself and topics of regular discussion can help in holding one's ground and not being dominated in conversations.
- 🚫 Asserting one's right to be respected and pushing back when necessary is crucial in defending oneself against disrespectful behavior.
- 🧐 Level two escalates to manipulative tactics where individuals, like narcissists, aim to degrade and control others for their own gain.
- 🚫 Narcissists often use tactics to make others feel inferior and maintain a metaframe where they are always superior.
- 🔒 The best defense against narcissists is to use minimal responses and avoid engaging in their manipulative conversations.
- 🤝 Reflecting on the emotional state and feelings after interactions can help identify toxic relationships and decide whether to distance oneself.
- 🚨 Level three involves cult-like indoctrination where manipulators attempt to suppress one's identity and beliefs to conform to their mold.
- ⚠️ Cult leaders use advanced linguistic strategies to confuse and isolate victims, making it extremely dangerous and requiring awareness of one's vulnerabilities.
Q & A
What are the three main levels of verbal self-defense discussed in the script?
-The three main levels of verbal self-defense discussed are: Level one, which involves mild disagreements; Level two, which involves manipulative tactics often used by narcissists; and Level three, which is the most dangerous and involves cult indoctrination.
What is the key issue in Level one of verbal self-defense?
-Level one involves mild disagreements where individuals may feel uncomfortable but are not highly confrontational. The key issue is the lack of ability to hold one's ground in an interaction, often leading to passive or submissive behavior.
How can one build self-esteem and avoid being walked over according to Level one?
-To build self-esteem and avoid being walked over in Level one, one should clarify their values, what they stand for, and how they want to be treated. It involves self-education and asserting oneself respectfully while setting boundaries.
What is the typical behavior of a narcissist as described in Level two?
-Narcissists, as described in Level two, do not just disagree but actively seek to degrade others to gain value from their suffering. They use manipulative tactics, hide their true intentions, and maintain a meta-frame where they are always superior.
How can one defend against a narcissist's manipulative tactics?
-Defending against a narcissist involves using short, minimal responses to avoid engaging with their manipulative tactics. It's also important to recognize and avoid getting trapped in their linguistic frames.
What are some of the linguistic frames that narcissists use to manipulate their victims?
-Narcissists use frames such as 'I'm doing this for you', 'You can't succeed without me', and 'I know you better than anyone else' to maintain control and manipulate their victims.
What is the most dangerous level of verbal self-defense and why?
-The most dangerous level is Level three, involving cult indoctrination, because it seeks to suppress one's identity and isolate them from loved ones, using advanced manipulative tactics to control the victim's beliefs and thoughts.
How do cult leaders or manipulators at Level three confuse their victims?
-Cult leaders or manipulators at Level three confuse their victims by constantly trying to make them doubt their beliefs, using elaborate tactics to induce confusion and isolate them from support systems.
What is the recommended defense strategy against a cult leader's manipulation?
-The recommended defense strategy is to identify and protect one's emotional vulnerabilities, seek help, and distance oneself from such manipulators. It involves recognizing the manipulative tactics and establishing personal boundaries.
What resource is suggested in the script for those who want to understand language patterns and manipulation better?
-The script suggests a document called 'The Seven Steps to Master Slide of Mouth' for understanding language patterns and manipulation, which can also help in becoming more persuasive.
How can one determine their personal boundaries when dealing with toxic individuals?
-One can determine their personal boundaries by evaluating their emotional state after interactions and considering their instincts. It involves defining how far one allows others to go and identifying the point of no return.
Outlines
😀 Level One: Mild Disagreements and Self-Defense
The speaker introduces the concept of verbal self-defense, focusing on the first level which involves mild disagreements. This level is characterized by situations where individuals may feel uncomfortable but are not necessarily highly confrontational. It often affects those who are frequently taken advantage of, such as at work or in personal relationships. The speaker emphasizes the importance of self-esteem and clarifying one's values and boundaries to prevent being walked over. They suggest that individuals should educate themselves on topics they care about to hold their ground in discussions. Furthermore, they recommend using language patterns that acknowledge the other person's perspective while asserting one's own, without imposing views. The goal is to establish mutual respect and prevent escalation.
😈 Level Two: Defending Against Manipulative Tactics
The second level of verbal self-defense is discussed, which involves dealing with manipulative tactics often employed by narcissists. These individuals aim to degrade others to elevate themselves, seeking value from others' suffering. The speaker describes how narcissists use various tactics to maintain control, such as framing their actions as being for the victim's benefit or making the victim feel dependent on them. They also use diversionary tactics to avoid直面 questions that challenge their manipulative behavior. The speaker advises using minimal responses to avoid engaging with the narcissist's attempts to provoke and trigger reactions. The focus is on recognizing these patterns and protecting oneself from such manipulation.
😥 Level Three: Cult Indoctrination and Extreme Manipulation
The third and most dangerous level of verbal self-defense is explored, which involves cult indoctrination. The speaker discusses how cult leaders or members use advanced manipulative tactics to suppress an individual's identity and beliefs. They aim to confuse and isolate victims from their support systems, narrowing their thoughts and beliefs to align with the cult's agenda. The speaker suggests that the best defense against such manipulation is to identify and protect one's deepest vulnerabilities and emotional hotspots. They also recommend distancing oneself from individuals who consistently trigger negative emotions and to seek help through therapy if necessary.
📚 Resources for Enhancing Verbal Self-Defense
The speaker concludes by offering resources to help individuals enhance their verbal self-defense skills. They mention a document called 'Seven Steps to Master Slide of Mouth' available in the video description, which can assist in understanding language patterns and becoming more persuasive. The speaker encourages viewers to use these resources to protect themselves against manipulative individuals and to communicate their intentions more effectively.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Verbal Self-Defense
💡Mild Disagreement
💡Self-Esteem
💡Clarification
💡Manipulative Tactics
💡Narcissist
💡Codependent Relationship
💡Cult Indoctrination
💡Emotional Hotspots
💡Gaslighting
💡Boundaries
Highlights
Introduction to the three main levels of verbal self-defense
Level one involves mild disagreements and the need to build self-esteem
Clarification of personal values and boundaries is essential in level one
Educating oneself on personal topics to hold ground in discussions
Using language patterns to assert one's perspective without imposing views
Level two focuses on defending against manipulative tactics
Narcissists use degradation to gain power and attention
Recognizing narcissistic language patterns to maintain self-esteem
Minimizing interaction with narcissists as a defense strategy
The importance of self-reflection when dealing with potentially toxic individuals
Level three involves the most dangerous form of manipulation: cult indoctrination
Cult leaders use confusion and isolation to control their followers
The manipulative tactics used by cult leaders to exploit emotional vulnerabilities
Strategies for identifying and defending against deep emotional manipulation
The necessity of setting personal boundaries to protect against toxic influences
The提供的seven steps to master slide of mouth document for further study on language defense
Encouragement to seek help through therapy for those struggling with manipulative relationships
Final thoughts on staying away from manipulators and the预告 of the next video
Transcripts
good morning we are going to study the
three main levels of verbal self-defense
and more specifically the three kind of
situations escalating from the least
damaging one to the most problematic and
dangerous one and see what kind of
individuals are likely to trigger the
need to defend
[Applause]
yourself the first one level one is in
the context of a mild disagreement so it
may not be highly confrontational or
highly negative yet but there is still
some uncomfortable feelings to be
processed in that situation that happens
quite commonly to people who tend to let
themselves be walked over all the time
at their job maybe in their family maybe
in their group of friends they are
always the the person we make jokes
about and at some point even if the
person appears like yeah yeah it's fine
it's fine laugh at me that person may
still build up the anger inside if that
is not being treated uh early enough
that may escalate into some more Pro
difficult situation to handle so
specifically when people have trouble to
hold the ground to hold the frame in an
interaction and always tend to get back
into the passive almost like submissive
mode whenever they get in front of
somebody who appears to be more
confident at least a little bit the
problem is to build up more more
self-esteem and that can sometimes be
done only through
clarification if you ask yourself what
do I stand for what is it that I want
people to say about me because if you
have never clarified that yourself then
how are people supposed to know how they
should should treat you if you don't
know yourself how you want to be treated
if you haven't clarified with at least
five sentences cuz sometimes when I tell
people write down a goal they write down
like three words and the problem of
clarification is to write with at least
to think with more than three words it
is about clarifying specifying how do
you want others to treat you what is
your outcome with them if you don't like
the way people interact with you when
they kind of degrade your
self-esteem how what else do you want
instead how do you want them to react
how do you want them to resp respond uh
if you want them to respect you more
what does that mean what does respect
look like what does respect sound like
what does respect feel like from the
inside for them and from you can you
clarify all of that what do you stand
for in life why do you stand for that
and how much do you know yourself if you
don't know anything about yourself and
about what you like about what you don't
like then anyone can impose their
opinions and their points of views on
you so this level is getting solved in
many cases through basic education
educating yourself on yourself first of
all educating yourself on the topics you
regularly talk about and maybe the
topics on which you get confront you
kind of get like lowered in the argument
because people don't really let you
speak educate yourself on those topics
at least enough to hold the ground and
not not letting yourself or avoid
letting yourself be walked over by any
idiot who just think uh they are more
important than you
at some point you may also need to push
back a little bit to show that hey you
are a human being you have the right to
be respected in the same way you respect
them that is in your duty to accomplish
such a result if people don't want to
allocate that right to you and in terms
of language patterns we might simply use
the basic pacing and leading I a
knowledge you are right about this and
that and my perspective is that and this
which is different than you yours I
don't try to impose my views on you
therefore I don't tolerate you want to
impose your views on me as simple as
that if you respect and a knowledge for
something that you know is true about
them or something they like to be said
about them and you say of course I see
you are very confident person I can see
you are um somebody who think for them
for themselves and what I would like to
add to this is that my perspective is
different than yours on this topic and
that topic this is my point of view I
want you to respect my point of view
just clarifying it sometimes will be
enough if you're just at level one my
your disagreement that won't be enough
for the next levels but in the beginning
if it is just about people kind of
pushing you Pock pocking you like
because they like to to trigger you in a
joking way clarifying you don't like
that fine how do you want to be treated
instead instead of this Behavior what
what else do you want to see from them
that will make you resp make them
respect you more that is level one and
that is pretty easy to solve now that
gets trickier when we get into uh level
two level two which is the most common
and the the broadest one when we talk
about manipulative tactics how to defend
against against those it will be the
narcissist our dear friend The
Narcissist people who are not just
disagreeing with you there are people
who literally want to degrade you and
like really really put you in the back
and put you down just to gain some value
from you suffering and that value they
are getting out of view may be very C
counterintuitive if it is a narcissist
in the context of uh relationship of
love if a narcissist is trying to keep
uh the other person with him or with her
that may be because they crave the
attention that their victim is giving to
them and that person who is in that
situation the victim might not be aware
at all that they are providing such a
level of attention they might not even
realize it but what a narcissist will do
is try to get by every means possible a
victim somewhere to get what he or she
can't achieve by themselves so whatever
the narcissist tries to get out of you
they will try to get it by playing on
your weaknesses they will try to get
something out of you at your own cost
it's not like a compromise where in um
in a healthier relationship some things
you don't like about your partner but
some things they don't like about you
either so in the end it's like a
compromise in a narcissistic codependent
relationship it is plainly about you
giving all the time and the narcissist
not giving anything or like very tiny
burst of something just to keep you
hooked but never really giving you love
the love you want or anything uh so the
narcissist will try to degrade the
self-esteem pretty often of the person
they are interacting with maybe pushing
their H buttons to show them how
Superior they are because they can
remain cold and calculated while you are
you like a little little child so you
are immature and they are above you
whenever they there is this kind of
metaframe perspective of everything you
do is [ __ ] everything I do is better
that is definitely a narcissistic um
bind somehow and those are things to be
aware of the typical frames by which we
recognize those narcissistic attempts
are whenever the person drifts the
conversation within the frame uh I I am
only doing that for you everything I do
it is only for you oh I don't I don't
mind I don't care about this I just I
push you I know I'm hard on you but I'm
pushing you because it is in your best
interest it's only for you complete
[ __ ] nobody is doing things only for
you everyone is acting selfishly for
themselves prior to anything else I am
doing this on YouTube because this is my
job because I earn money by doing this
because I can live My Lifestyle with the
money I make and on the and besides that
you are getting value out of this which
I think is a healthier way to make money
it is still not the first priority it is
first selfish
I am honest about this I don't try to
hide it in any way people who are
narcissist will always try to hide their
really intentions never say them out
loud and whenever you point it out they
will just evade it they will not really
they will become evasive or even worse
they may push back by triggering
something about you yeah and what about
when when you when you [ __ ] up at this
when you did that wrong they will just
try to trigger you to avoid answering
the questions that would unveil the
reality of their manipulative attempts
so it is a frame to stay aware of
another big linguistic frame they try to
maintain their victims into is you won't
be able to succeed or survive or
whatever without me you need me whatever
you do you won't be enough without me
whatever you do it won't be successful
if I am not there when they try to
narrow you down into only with me nobody
else that's very complicated situation
to and the last one is uh I know you
better than anybody else I know you so
well that anything else than me
basically it's just it's just negative
because they don't know you like I know
you I know you will fail without me
because I know you too well those kinds
of frames are definitely highly
manipulative they are not bringing any
value anyway and you're not bound to
stay with somebody who is trying to get
you stuck in a frame like this
linguistically uh before uh trying to
argue with them because arguing with
those people is very tricky anything you
say like in the court with the police
anything you say will be used against
you the best linguistic strategy uh with
narcissist is very counterintuitive it
is to actually not use one it is to
speak as as as little as possible with
them to answer with as little world as
words as possible if they text you you
text with just two words and when they
try to pull out a more important answer
and when they when they try to trigger
you you just reply with yes no
maybe you're
right I'm
wrong no yes if you keep interacting
only with short sentences like this they
will get mad they will get crazy and
they will rise off the butt want to find
another victim they can trigger because
they can't stand to not trigger
something to not trigger attention love
or whatever they want from you they
can't stand to not trigger that so if
you stop reacting they will need crave
to find somebody else reacting to their
power over other people so before trying
to use any linguistic strategy it is
first about elaborating on how did you
meet that person initially were you and
that may be uncomfortable if right now
you have some body like this around you
I encourage you to sincerely honestly
consider those things how did you meet
that person were you in a positive
emotional state when you felt like you
needed that person were you at ease at
peace with yourself when you felt like
you needed to see that person more often
um and most of the time when you
interact with that person you may have
thoughts about because you think that
might be a Nar narcissist whenever you
spend time with that person do you feel
better after having spent time with that
with that person or do you feel negative
do you feel better or do you feel less
good after spending time with that
person if you constantly all the time
feel worse than before just connect the
dots there might be your instincts your
unconscious mind telling you through the
the feelings get the hell away from here
get the hell away that might be the
whispers in your head that you may block
because you uh you have you may have a
low self-esteem and try to get earn the
validation of that person who needs you
to validate them so it's like a very
codependent relationship extremely toxic
and if it is stuck like this then
consider okay what are my thoughts about
that when I feel well when I am on the
opposite with a great friend who has
always supporting me or when I when I am
with a family member who has always
loved me for example on on whom I don't
have any doubt when on the opposite with
that person how do I feel instead and
when I feel great when I feel good when
I feel at ease with myself and with my
life what do I think about this person
that I have doubts about what do I think
about it if the answer is get the hell
away from that person then maybe is time
to seek for help go through therapy
maybe and find a way to distance
yourself from those narcissistic
Maneuvers to always try to get you stuck
into the same frames and the same binds
all the time whatever you say they
always put you down they laugh at you
they treat you like a child they make
you appear like incompetent compared to
them whatever you do they always have
the they always get the last word they
are always above you anyway that is a
huge sign huge alarm warning signal and
in the end people have I guess everyone
has like a spectrum of toxicity of
narcissism in themselves and we may
drift more to one side or the other
depending on how well we feel in our
lives and the only thing is people may
have narcissism inside them doesn't mean
all of them have to get away from your
life some of them you may still keep
them around you if it is relevant you
just measure what is the bound what are
the boundaries for you what are the
boundaries where you tolerate that a
narcissistic narcissistic person is
around you is in in contact with you and
uh from which point do you see that as
heavily toxic and you're like no [ __ ]
way I talk to that person again I don't
want anything to do with that person
where is the limit for you I know my
limits I know some people can go up to
that point with me I tolerate past
certain point I'm like get away from
here I don't have anything to do with
you anymore fine thank you goodbye I
have my boundaries you have yours Define
them how far do you allow people to go
with you and the last one which is much
more problematic and much more dangerous
the most dangerous of them all is the
cult
indoctrination when people are somebody
a cult leader or somebody belonging to
the cult a religious cult um Financial
cult whatever when somebody is really
trying to suppress everything about your
identity to make you fit the mold the
mold they want you to be in um one of
the best sources we have to study the
language patterns of people like that
are the the the interviews of Charles
Manson uh if you are interested I may
make a breakdown about this if you want
comment down below that might be an
interesting video to study how people
like this did to control their victims
and people belonging to their cult when
you sense when whenever somebody a cult
leader or somebody of that on that level
of manipulation whenever somebody is
trying to make you
doubt and confuse you about literally
everything you believe in more
specifically anything you believe in
that contradict what they want you to
believe if they constantly try to
confuse you by usually more elaborated
tactics than the narcissist because narc
somebody who is just a narcissist will
trigger you but may not be smart enough
to use those confusion tactics and those
gaslighting tactics a cult leader or
somebody really um competent enough to
handle a cult that person is way more
advanced on the linguistic strategies on
the manipulative uh sequences of word
choice of words that person is way more
advanced they will do everything they
can to confuse you to induce confusion
about what you thought you knew and they
will try by every means possible to
separate you to isolate you away from
the people who love you away from the
people who can give you advice they want
to restrict your thinking and attention
to only what they believe what they want
you to believe and nothing else they
will keep narrowing down what you think
what you want to be what you what you
feel what you think what want to believe
to what suits and satisfies their goal
with you so whatever they want to get
from you either they want to get your
your money they may go want to get
sexual favors from you they may want to
get attention to sometimes it is just
about power some people who are cult
leaders just want more power feel the
power of their their students around
around them that might be anything in
any case that person will most likely
remain very calm very seductive and keep
telling you things that make you doubt
they will not they will Almost Never
confront you unless you have been
triggering them first but they will
Almost Never confront you they will tell
you things in a very calm way that
confuse you about what you believed so
far so extremely dangerous obviously
luckily people like that are not that
common either uh you have to have
somebody who is evil and who has very
Advanced skills both those things
happening at the same time are pretty
scarce doesn't happen that often it does
exist though so be careful about this
obviously and the best defense I can
find because at this point we are not
even in linguistics anymore if you are
in the victim position with somebody
like this we have already passed the
linguistic defenses at this point it is
about identifying your uh deepest
vulnerabilities
your deepest trauma all the things
someone might use against you anything
you are vulnerable about uh
might cause you to feel less less able
to defend yourself when somebody is
attempting to limit your thinking to
only what they want you to believe
technically the easiest way to
manipulate someone on that level is to
use their emotional hotspots to trigger
them emotionally repeatedly and and when
they get out of control when they get
when the victim gets triggered on that
level the manipulator will say will Ex
kind of explain that you see you have a
problem Johnny and the only way you can
solve that problem is by using what I
preach what my religion My Method what
you have to pay for that I sell whatever
it is they will try to narrow down that
the only solution to get out of your
pain is what I preach for my my solution
and obviously to get their solution you
have to either pay money a lot of money
you have to not see your loved ones
anymore or you have to provide sexual
favors that is what happened in the
Cults we have we have knowledge of maybe
other Cults we don't even know of exist
today and the ones we have been able to
study it is kind of always the same
tactic they hit under the emotional
vulnerabilities you have and they will
tell you the once you are really
vulnerable once you're really in pain
they will tell you that the only way to
handle that pain and to to heal to
recover is by using what they provide
only what they provide anything else
cannot work because it is only about
what they have to offer you those are
very dangerous and manipulative tactics
if you want to better defend yourself
and see how language works from the
inside you have a small document Down
Below in the description called the
seven steps to master slide of mouth it
will be of great use if you have trouble
to figure out how can your language help
you to defend yourself against people
like that and if you want to become more
persuasive too because sometimes you may
have great intentions and you just don't
know how to communicate them in that
case it will teach you how to do that
down below the seven steps to master
slide of mouth thank you for listening
good luck stay away from manipulators
and I will see you soon in the next
video
n
[Music]
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