Does Money Actually Buy Happiness? A Psychiatrist Explains

Summary

This script explores the complex relationship between money and happiness. It discusses how up to an annual income of around $100K-$150K, money can indeed buy happiness by providing security and reducing stress. However, beyond this point, happiness plateaus and doesn't increase with more wealth. The speaker also highlights the importance of savoring experiences over possessions and using money to help others rather than focusing solely on material gains. Drawing parallels with monks, who prioritize savoring and contentment, the script argues that happiness is more about how you live and what you do with your life choices, rather than the choices themselves.

Takeaways

• 🍫 Eating chocolate mindfully can increase happiness, whereas focusing on its cost can reduce enjoyment.
• 💰 There's a debate on whether money can buy happiness, with research suggesting a sweet spot between $100K to $150K per year for happiness.
• 🧘‍♂️ Monks and spiritual practitioners often find happiness not through material wealth but through the practice of letting go of possessions.
• 🤔 The pursuit of money versus the pursuit of happiness is a complex dilemma that many people face, with different paths leading to different outcomes.
• 🔬 Research from Yale's happiness course suggests that beyond a certain income level, money doesn't correlate with increased happiness.
• 🏋️‍♂️ The decision between choosing a passion or a lucrative career path is a personal one and can greatly impact one's happiness.
• 🤝 Spending money on others tends to bring more happiness than spending it on oneself, highlighting the value of altruism.
• 🎮 Experiences, whether ordinary or extraordinary, provide similar levels of happiness, suggesting that savoring the moment is key.
• 🏛️ Spending money on experiences like visiting a museum tends to be more fulfilling than spending on material possessions.
• 💊 The physiological effects of stress, such as increased cortisol levels, can significantly reduce happiness and affect overall well-being.
• 🧠 The mind's tendency to worry about future expenses can prevent enjoyment of the present, illustrating the link between financial security and happiness.

Q & A

What is the relationship between money and happiness according to the script?

The script suggests that money can buy happiness up to a certain point, specifically around an annual income of $100,000 to $150,000, after which it doesn't correlate with increased happiness.

What is the role of savoring in experiencing happiness?

Savoring is the ability to enhance or extend a positive experience, and it's directly related to happiness. The more one can savor experiences, the happier they tend to be.

How does the script relate the concept of savoring to the enjoyment of simple things like a cup of tea?

The script uses the example of monks savoring a simple cup of tea to illustrate that happiness comes from the act of savoring, even in seemingly neutral or negative experiences.

What does the script suggest about the impact of stress on happiness?

The script explains that stress, caused by factors like financial worries, can increase sensitivity to stimuli, affect sleep, and generally make it difficult to be happy.

How does the script compare the happiness derived from material possessions to experiences?

The script states that spending money on experiences, rather than material possessions, generally leads to more happiness.

What does the script suggest about the happiness gained from spending money on others versus oneself?

The script indicates that spending money on other people tends to bring more happiness than spending it on oneself.

What is the significance of the 'magic number' of $100,000 to $150,000 mentioned in the script in relation to happiness?

This 'magic number' represents an income level that provides a sense of security and can reduce stress, which in turn can increase happiness.

How does the script view the idea of choosing a career for money versus following a passion?

The script implies that the choice between a career for money or passion is not as critical as how one experiences their chosen path, as happiness comes from savoring and prioritizing experiences.

What is the script's stance on the belief that happiness comes from external factors?

The script argues against the belief that external factors like money or the 'perfect partner' are the sources of happiness, stating that happiness is internal and comes from how one lives and experiences life.

How does the script explain the concept of savoring in the context of gaming?

The script suggests that gaming is harder to savor because the enjoyment ends when the game ends, unlike experiences like visiting a museum which are easier to savor.

What is the script's advice for achieving happiness?

The script advises prioritizing security, learning to savor, valuing experiences over possessions, and spending money on others as ways to achieve happiness.

Outlines

00:00

🍫 The Paradox of Money and Happiness

The paragraph discusses the complex relationship between money and happiness. It starts by illustrating how enjoying an expensive chocolate can bring happiness, but knowing its cost or paying for it can reduce that joy. The age-old debate of whether money can buy happiness is explored, with reference to a Yale happiness course and research suggesting an income of $100K-$150K can correlate with happiness up to a point. Beyond that, money doesn't increase happiness. The narrative contrasts this with spiritual traditions like monks, who seek happiness not through material wealth but through disacquiring money and possessions. This leads to a dilemma: should one pursue money or follow a more monastic path to happiness? The script also touches on the stress of deciding between a lucrative career and one driven by passion, and how these decisions relate to happiness.

05:01

🤔 The Impact of Stress on Happiness

This paragraph delves into the physiological effects of stress on the body and mind, particularly the role of cortisol. Stress triggers the release of hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, which can lead to heightened sensitivity to stimuli, disrupted sleep, and increased pain sensitivity. It explains how chronic stress, such as financial worries, can keep cortisol levels high, making it difficult to achieve deep, restful sleep and maintain a positive outlook. The paragraph emphasizes that stress not only prevents us from enjoying the present but also exacerbates conditions like autoimmune diseases. It concludes by linking stress to a decrease in happiness, suggesting that reducing stress is key to achieving happiness.

10:03

💰 The Role of Money in Providing Security and Happiness

The third paragraph examines how a certain level of income, around $100K-$150K, provides a sense of security that can contribute to happiness by reducing stress and cortisol levels. It argues that this income range allows for basic needs to be met, such as paying bills, affording food, and enjoying some leisure activities, without excessive worry. The paragraph also draws a comparison to monks, who despite having little to no money, experience happiness and security because their basic needs are often met through donations and community support. The key takeaway is that both happiness research and the monastic lifestyle converge on the idea that security, rather than wealth, is the true aim of money in relation to happiness.

15:05

🎁 The Art of Savoring and Its Influence on Happiness

This paragraph introduces the concept of savoring, which is the ability to enhance or prolong positive experiences, as a key component of happiness. It discusses how money can both facilitate and hinder savoring. For instance, enjoying an expensive chocolate is more satisfying when one is not preoccupied with its cost. The text also presents research findings that spending money on experiences rather than possessions leads to greater happiness. Furthermore, it suggests that savoring ordinary experiences can be as rewarding as savoring extraordinary ones and that spending money on others brings more happiness than spending it on oneself. The paragraph aligns these findings with the monastic practice of finding contentment and happiness in simplicity and the present moment.

20:07

🧘‍♂️ The Monk's Savoring Skill and Its Relevance to Daily Life

The fifth paragraph highlights the skill of savoring as a critical aspect of happiness, drawing a parallel between the monk's ability to find joy in simple experiences and the potential for anyone to cultivate this skill. It emphasizes that happiness is not derived from the choice itself but from how one experiences life post-decision. The paragraph suggests that even in jobs or careers that are not initially enjoyable, learning to savor positive aspects can lead to increased happiness. It also touches on the societal misconception that external choices, such as the perfect partner or job, will guarantee happiness, contrasting this with the idea that happiness is an internal state cultivated through savoring and experiencing life fully.

25:10

🎮 Savoring in Gaming and the Myth of External Happiness

The final paragraph discusses the challenge of savoring experiences in gaming compared to more traditional experiences like visiting a museum. It argues that while gaming can be enjoyable, it is often harder to savor because the activity is designed to be immediately engaging with little downtime for reflection. The text encourages gamers to savor their experiences by taking breaks to reflect on the enjoyment they had, which can lead to a deeper appreciation and longer-lasting happiness. The paragraph concludes by reiterating that happiness is not found in external objects or achievements but in one's ability to savor and appreciate experiences, whether in gaming or other aspects of life.

Keywords

💡Happiness

Happiness in the context of the video refers to a state of well-being and contentment. It is central to the discussion as the speaker explores whether money can buy happiness and how different amounts of income relate to happiness levels. The video suggests that up to an annual income of around $100,000 to $150,000, money does contribute to happiness by providing security, but beyond that, it has diminishing returns.

💡Money

Money is discussed as a potential source of happiness but also as something that can reduce happiness if it becomes an obsession or if it detracts from the ability to savor experiences. The speaker notes that money's role in happiness is primarily in providing a sense of security and the means to pay for necessities and some luxuries.

💡Security

Security is defined as the state of being safe from danger or threat. In the video, it is linked to happiness through the idea that having enough money to cover basic needs and some comforts reduces stress and worry, which in turn allows for greater happiness. The speaker suggests that making between $100,000 and $150,000 a year often provides this sense of security.

💡Savoring

Savoring is the act of enjoying and prolonging the pleasure derived from an experience. The video emphasizes savoring as a key to happiness, suggesting that the ability to savor experiences, even simple ones, can lead to greater happiness. Monks are given as an example of individuals who are skilled at savoring, finding joy in the present moment.

💡Stress

Stress is portrayed as an impediment to happiness. The speaker explains that stress, often caused by financial worries or other insecurities, can increase cortisol levels, leading to a range of physical and mental health issues that detract from one's ability to enjoy life and find happiness.

💡Monks

Monks are used as an example of individuals who have found happiness through non-materialistic means. They are shown as figures who, despite having little to no money, experience happiness through their practice of meditation and savoring of simple experiences.

💡Meditation

Meditation is mentioned as a practice that monks use to cultivate happiness. It is a form of training in savoring and finding contentment within oneself, independent of material wealth. Meditation helps in reducing stress and increasing one's ability to savor experiences.

💡Experiences vs. Possessions

The video contrasts the value of experiences versus possessions in achieving happiness. It suggests that spending money on experiences, such as travel or activities, tends to bring more happiness than spending on material possessions.

💡Altruism

Altruism is the selfless concern for the welfare of others. The speaker notes that spending money on others or engaging in altruistic behaviors can lead to increased happiness, as it fosters positive emotions and a sense of purpose.

💡Cortisol

Cortisol is a hormone associated with stress. The video explains that high levels of cortisol, often due to chronic stress, can lead to health issues and a reduced ability to savor positive experiences, thus negatively impacting happiness.

Highlights

Eating chocolate mindfully can increase happiness, but knowing its cost or paying for it can reduce happiness.

There's a debate on whether money can buy happiness, with research suggesting a sweet spot between $100K to $150K per year for happiness.

Monks and yogis achieve happiness not through wealth but through the practice of letting go of material possessions.

The pursuit of money versus spiritual practices like monkhood presents a dilemma for achieving happiness.

Research from Yale's happiness course suggests an income of $100K can correlate with happiness due to financial security.

Monks experience happiness through security provided by their lifestyle, not from wealth accumulation.

Stress has a negative impact on our body and mind, affecting sleep, sensitivity to stimuli, and overall happiness.

Cortisol, a hormone released during stress, sacrifices long-term health for short-term survival and can be detrimental if chronically present.

Financial security provided by an income around $100K to $150K can reduce stress and increase happiness by alleviating worries over basic needs.

Monks achieve a sense of security through their community and lifestyle, which allows them to be happy without wealth.

Savoring, or the ability to enhance and extend positive experiences, is a key component of happiness.

Money can hinder savoring if the focus is on its value rather than the experience itself, as seen with the chocolate example.

Spending money on experiences rather than possessions leads to greater happiness.

Ordinary experiences can provide as much happiness as extraordinary ones, emphasizing the importance of savoring.

Spending money on others brings more happiness than spending it on oneself, highlighting the value of altruism.

Monks exemplify savoring through simple pleasures, like a cup of tea, which aligns with happiness research findings.

The key to happiness is not the choice itself but how one experiences life after making a choice.

Happiness is not found in objects or achievements but in the savoring of experiences they bring.

Society often seeks happiness in external validation like material possessions or achievements, rather than internal experiences.

The happiness derived from work or relationships is not from the choice of job or partner, but from how one engages with them.

Prioritizing experiences over possessions, ensuring financial security, and spending money on others are ways to increase happiness.

Transcripts

so people would give someone like a nice

expensive chocolate and they'd ask them

to eat the chocolate and what we sort of

found is that if you eat the chocolate

just by itself and you really sit down

and you enjoy it it actually like brings

you a lot of Happiness if you tell

people how much the chocolate costs or

especially if they have to pay for it it

reduces the happiness so a lot of people

wonder whether money buys happiness or

not right there's kind of this age-old

debate of does money buy happiness and

there's even been some research on this

stuff right where people are kind of

like uh I think there was a very famous

there's a very famous like happiness

course at Yale that cites some of these

studies that essentially what

psychologists who look at happiness have

discovered is that if you make like

between 100 and 150k a year I think the

number was 100K but I think there's been

inflation that money does buy happiness

but up to a certain point and that

Beyond a certain point of money we it

actually doesn't correlate with

increased happiness at all and so we

sort of know right now based on this

like new scientific research that does

to a certain degree money buys happiness

but on the flip side we also know that

there are these like spiritual

Traditions with people like monks right

and yogis and these are people that will

sort of say like yeah you know these are

like these are the people that their job

is to try to become happy like that's

what enlightenment is right it's this

like mythical state of like permanent

happiness Nirvana Bliss and they

cultivate that state and apparently the

way that you do that is not by acquiring

money but actually by disacquiring money

by actively getting rid of all of your

stuff so we have these monks who are

sitting there meditating all the time

and they're apparently the ones that are

like the closest to becoming perfectly

happy and so then we're kind of stuck

right because it's like okay so wait

hold on a second but which one should I

do like I want to be happy in life so

what do I do do I grind for money do I

try to make a hundred thousand dollars a

year do I make 150 000 a year or do I

become like a monk like should I learn

how to settle right so should I learn to

like be happy with what I have or should

I try to get more and if you say I

should be like a monk but whole hold on

a second because there's all these

researchers that say I need to make 100

to 150k a year they say that that's

what's going to make me happy so we

don't know right we don't know like

should I chase money or should I not

chase money I want to be happy but which

one is it and then then we run into this

other problem which is that okay if we

decide that all right so let's say we're

going to listen to the Yale researchers

right because it's Yale and they're

brilliant and they say 100K a year Okay

cool so then the question is all right

so if I need to make 100K a year to be

happy should I major in something that

makes me miserable so that I can get

make money because that's what everyone

tells me to do and then we enter into

this other debate which is like passion

or do I major in stem do you like become

an artist and do I make like video games

or board games or do I like get a job

that provides like security and money

like do I major in computer science or

electrical engineering or chemical

engineering so which is it right so okay

hold on a second so if you're saying

that I need 100K to be happy let me live

let me major in something that's going

to get me a good job and once I have

lots of money I'll be happy right so

then that you sort of go down that path

but people don't seem happy doing that

and now you're kind of confused because

then you like kind of go back to the

monk thing and it's like okay as I if

I'm studying in engineering should I

change Majors or should I push through

it right and eventually happiness will

come so we all get tangled up around

this business of okay should I try to be

a monk or should I grind to become happy

should I make lots of money and then

like that'll kind of buy me happiness

like which one which one should I do and

the interesting thing is that I don't

think that these two paths are actually

different at all in fact I think what

I'd love to share with you all today is

as we understand the nature of happiness

stress we understand what money does for

us and what it doesn't do for us and

furthermore once we understand what

monks actually do when they meditate

what we'll actually discover is that

this problem of okay should I major in

something that I dislike should I pick a

career because it makes me money or

should I do what I love should I go the

monk route and move away from material

possessions or should I try to make a

bunch of money because that'll make me

happy what we'll actually discover is

that it's neither or they're both

they're all the same there's actually

One path there's actually no discrepancy

or disagreement between the Monk and the

happiness researchers so let's start by

understanding a little bit around about

stress so the first thing that we've got

to understand is that when we're

stressed out it has all kinds of

different effects on our body and our

mind so we know that when we're stressed

out our body will secrete different

kinds of hormones or chemicals right so

we'll release things like adrenaline

we'll release things like cortisol and

what cortisol does to our body and our

brain is quite diverse so it'll do

things like make us more sensitive to

stimuli so this is a huge thing that

cortisol does so for example cortisol

travels to this part of our brain called

the reticular activating formation which

governs how we sleep and How Deeply we

sleep and it basically activates some so

that smaller noises will wake us up okay

so like when we have cortisol in our

system our sleep is light we don't get

deep restful sleep but it's not just

that kind of stimulus that it makes us

sensitive to cortisol also increases the

sensitivity of our pain receptors so

things will hurt more when we're in a

high stressful State emotions will hurt

more physical injuries will hurt more we

also know that for example autoimmune

conditions like eczema asthma psoriasis

arthritis all of these things will flare

up and will become more active when we

are stressed out we also know that

cortisol for example makes a lot of our

input so our eyes our ears things like

that a lot of our sensory organs will

become hypersensitive as well because

the goal of cortisol is not to Keep Us

Alive for the moment it's to help us

stay alive over 24 or 48 hour period so

the classic example of when cortisol is

released is if I run into let's say a

tiger in the woods and then I run away

from the tiger that's usually governed

by adrenaline but once I get away from

the tiger for a long period of time I

need to stay alert and that's

essentially what cortisol does and what

cortisol does is sacrifices long-term

health for short-term survival so now we

live in a society where cortisol can

almost be like constantly flowing

through our system because in the past

when we were hunter-gatherers it wasn't

that big of a deal because you know we'd

run into a tiger every now and then but

now what's happening is like when when

the first of the month rolls around and

I pay my rent I'm already worrying about

how to pay my rent at the end of the

month so I'm in this constant stress

State as I increase this amount of

stress I start to worry more I become

sensitive to negative stimuli I have

difficulty sleeping I kind of feel bad

so this is what stress does to us it

makes it very hard to be happy when

we're in a stressful State because I'm

not sleeping I'm sensing of the pain

stimuli I'm worrying all the time the

mind of someone who has a bunch of

cortisol in their system is also looking

into the future so I can't enjoy the

present right I just paid my rent on the

first of the month and I'm already

worrying about the 30th of the month how

am I going to make my rent next month so

I can't even enjoy the 29 days that I

have to pay rent so we start to see that

from a physiologic and psychologic

standpoint stress and a lack of

Happiness are correlated so what does

that have to do with our discussion

aren't we talking about money and

happiness well let's try to understand

what a 100K buys us or what 150k buys us

because we know that this seems to be

the magic number and if you think about

what 100 to 150k buys you that 200k 300K

or 400k don't or that 50k 60k or 70k

don't right why is this number magical

the number is magical because that

amount of money buys us security so I

don't have to worry about paying my rent

usually if I get sick I can afford to

pay my bills I can afford food if my car

breaks down I can probably probably get

it fixed I may be able to travel some I

may be able to do some amount of

enjoyment I may be able to do some kind

of recreation I'm allowed to have sort

of recreational experiences at 100 to

150k so if we really look at what's

magical about that number what it really

provides for us is security what it

really does is that's the amount of

money that we need to lower our cortisol

levels right because now I'm not

stressed about making unless I'm

overextended and stuff like that and you

all may know people who make 150k who

are stressed out of their minds because

they're they're the you know they live

like multi-millionaires when they only

make 100K so you can absolutely get into

that situation but it turns out that

with the happiness researchers

discovered essentially was that this

amount of money provides security and so

now let's think about the monks for a

second right because I mean they're not

like you know what's their deal like

they don't have any money they certainly

don't have 100K they don't have 150k but

they seem to be pretty happy and pretty

chill so now I'm going to ask you all

the question do monks have security does

a monk need to worry about whether

they're sleeping at night does a monk

need to worry about where their next

meal is coming from does their monk need

to worry about getting promoted does a

monk need to worry about politics with

their boss maybe right depending on

where you're among but so this is what's

really interesting is we we sort of say

that monks are not materialistic but

what we also actually see is that monks

are actually very secure in their

day-to-day life for the most part like

people pay for their food through

donations they're like housing is

generally like accommodate most monks

don't have to worry about paying rent at

the end of the month there's usually

some kind of charitable organization or

something like that where like monks

will have you know they'll get medical

care and things like that like I I

haven't seen you know I've never seen a

GoFundMe from a monk trying to pay

medical bills you'll see GoFundMe for

from people all the time especially in

the United States but it's not like

monks are out there you know struggling

to make ends meet now some of them will

choose to be uh you know like poor and

essentially we'll take vows of poverty

and we'll then we'll also rely on the

charity of others but if you kind of

think about how can that develop as a

tradition how can I choose being broke

as a way of life because that's what the

monks do they're like my way of life is

I ain't gonna do [ __ ] and they're still

alive after 10 years 20 years 30 years

how is that it's because they actually

have their security provided for them

it's the first thing to understand is

that the happiness research in the monks

actually agree that the purpose of money

is security when it comes to happiness

the second thing to understand is that

if we look at happiness there's a

difference between gaining happiness and

losing happiness and especially with

what insecurity does is it takes

happiness away it doesn't give you

happiness but it makes it so that if you

have some amount of Happiness let's say

I have 50 units of happiness but then I

can't pay my rent at the month at the

end of the month I lose 30 units of

Happiness that's what stress does to us

it takes our happiness away it doesn't

directly give it to us so this is the

first thing right is now that we kind of

look at this once we understand how

stress Works once we understand what

money actually does for happiness and

even when we look at monks we start to

discover that actually all of these

things are aligned the purpose of money

in in terms of how much it deals with

happiness is essentially security now

even if we know that it still doesn't

really answer our original question

right because our original question is

like should I major and establish should

I become a stem person like electrical

engineering or like lawyer or whatever

or should I do what I love it doesn't

help us even this amount of information

doesn't help us make the choice which

one should I do because if you're saying

they're actually consistent I still

don't know how to pick and that's why

thankfully there's like way more

research on happiness this I'm going to

share with you all a little bit more so

the first thing it appears that a lot of

happiness correlates with something

called savoring so savoring is the

ability to enhance or extend a positive

emotional experience I take some issue

with the word emotional there but a

positive experience we know what it

means to savor something right but

essentially what happens is the more

that you're able to savor things the

more happy you are and we also know that

for example money can negatively impact

savoring so if I buy there's literally

people that studies on this right so

there's a causative this is a causative

study by the way not correlation which

is a huge difference so people would

give someone like a nice expensive

chocolate and they'd ask them to eat the

chocolate and what we sort of found is

that if you eat the chocolate just by

itself and you really sit down and you

enjoy it it actually like brings you a

lot of Happiness if you tell people how

much the chocolate costs or especially

if they have to pay for it it reduces

the happiness now this is a really

important finding okay because what this

means is that if I'm rich and I buy

something nice and I think about how

much I paid for it it will actually

reduce the quality of savoring this is

what in in scientific research is called

kind of the Dual nature of money and

happiness which is that money will allow

you for certain possessions and things

like that we'll get to that in a second

but the more that you think about money

the less you're actually able to savor

things and so this is a really important

thing to understand is when we're really

talking about what is happiness we're

sort of really zeroing on on this

quality of savoring there are a couple

of other really interesting things that

we discovered from happiness research

the first is that spending money on

experiences is worth more than spending

money on possessions okay so like if you

have some amount of Happiness doing

stuff with it as opposed to getting

stuff with it will actually make you

more happy so let's say taking trips or

like going white water rafting or going

to a museum like paying tickets for a

museum is worth more happiness than

let's say a micro transaction in a video

game so getting more stuff and being

able to do things doing stuff is

actually worth more happiness than

getting stuff second really interesting

thing is that savoring experiences that

are ordinary or extraordinary leads to

about the same amount of Happiness so

that sort of means is that it's not like

a 15 cup of coffee is more enjoyable

than a five dollar cup of coffee or a

three dollar cup of coffee or a ten

dollar cup of coffee the experiences

that we go through you don't have to

visit the best museum in the world you

can just visit a decent Museum that sort

of prioritizing experience is important

but it's not like extraordinary

experiences are worth more than ordinary

experiences so I can go climb to the top

of Mount Everest which maybe that's an

experience but or I can hike for an hour

and that's a certain degree that there's

a lot of happiness in both of those so

it's not like the fancier stuff that

gets posted on social media with the

really epic Vistas in the tallest

mountain in the world is is better than

the second tallest mountain in the world

like if you climb to the top of any

mountain and you look out it's going to

be really enjoyable so it's not like the

extraordinary is actually greater than

the Ordinary second really and really

interesting thing third thing that's

also kind of novel from happiness

research is that generally speaking

spending money on other people brings

more happiness than spending money on

yourself so this is kind of interesting

as well so we see it like a lot of the

value of altruism whereas like if I work

hard and I give something to another

human being that actually makes me

happier than having stuff myself and so

if we look at some of these novel

discoveries about the nature of money

and happiness we discover a lot of

things that are also actually very

consistent with monks so the first is

that a monk can Savor a simple cup of

tea right like especially if you go to

like with this monasteries and stuff

they'll have like

um you know barley tea or green tea or

something like that and they'll sit

there and they'll like enjoy like a

simple cup of tea and it's in the

enjoyment of the simple thing the ACT

that's really where the happiness comes

from and that's really what monks train

to do right right because if you think

about okay what is meditation if you

look at like these Zen Masters being a

monk is a formal training in savoring

being a monk is a formal training and

extracting as much happiness as we can

out of any experience and so the cool

thing about being a monk is the more you

level up your savoring skill the more

that you are able to actually extract

positive enjoyment out of even seemingly

neutral or negative experiences and

that's really where the monk training is

is really valuable but as we end up

discovering you know now we get a little

bit closer to the answer to our question

which is a lot of people will say like

okay so should I should I go down this

career path even if it doesn't make me

happy because I'll get money because

money buys happiness right up to a

certain point well no that's not really

how it works money provides Security

money also gives us the opportunity to

create experiences money gives us to a

certain degree the ability to help

others which will make us happy so

that's what money does but the basic

problem is that we think that the Choi

is what's going to make us happy right

because that's what really screws us it

was like should I pick a or should I

pick B and the real lesson to take away

from all this stuff is that the choice

is not what brings the happiness it's

the way that we experience the choice

that brings happiness so it's not about

picking the right major it's how do you

live your life with a particular major

right so even if I pick a major that I

don't like and I work in a way that you

know I don't find it doesn't really

attract me but I can still enjoy lots of

things about it right so I've had this

experience myself where like you know

you can still really enjoy a cup of

coffee in the morning even if you hate

your job and you can really enjoy the

feeling of relief when you're done with

your job that you hate and then the

other really wild thing is that even

parts of your job once you learn how to

savor there are parts of your job that

you used to dislike which you can start

to like so what we actually discover is

that like the monks and all the

happiness we search are actually

perfectly aligned and I think the best

example of this that I'll leave y'all

with actually comes from the world of

dating so right now everyone is out

there they're looking for the perfect

partner and that was the promise of the

dating apps right is that you tell us

exactly what you want and we will find

it for you we will look amongst all

these billions of people on the planet

you give us a checklist of everything

that you're looking for and we'll match

you with the perfect person because

that's what's going to lead to happiness

right it's getting everything that you

want whereas I come from a culture that

it traditionally has arranged marriages

and if you kind of think about it having

an arranged marriage you don't get to

pick [ __ ] you don't get to pick any of

it someone else picked it for you and so

if picking what we want is the way that

we get happiness then it should follow

that everyone who does online dating

should be perfectly happy and that no

one who has an arranged marriage will

ever be happy right because they have no

choice because the choice is what

determines the happiness but what we

actually discover is that if you look at

arranged marriages it's people who

change their experience within the

marriage it's not the choice itself it's

how they live in the marriage it's how

they learn to love someone it's how they

learn to accept someone it's how the

other person learns to love and accept

them that you can have incredibly happy

marriages so the pro problem that we

face when we're trying to think okay

should I do a or should I do B which one

will make me happy first of all there's

no there's no dispute between the

happiness researchers and the monks we

all actually agree that you need some

amount of security and then the rest of

it is determined by how you live your

life that you prioritize experiences

over possessions that you try to use

your money to help other people as

opposed to yourself but you need to be

able to have the money to help other

people and still pay your rent and the

more that you you begin to realize that

then you'll start to realize that it's

not the choice that brings happiness

it's what you do with it it's how you

live after it's how you learn how to

savor whatever comes after the choice

that will ultimately bring you the

happiness oh yes people are asking love

can be learned 100 so if you want to

understand why there's so little love in

the world it's because we forgot that

learn love is a skill that you can learn

and we assumed that it was something

that was pre-packaged perfectly formed

and then you go find it so this is like

we're like a society who thinks that

chairs can be found on the street

instead of being built and now we're

wandering around the whole society is

wandering around looking for chairs

because in your household there were

chairs so he stopped learning how to

love and instead we started looking for

it so Dr K confused about picking

between Pro gaming and CS major what

should I do so I can't tell if you're

trolling or not but let's assume that's

a serious question because that's a

common concern for a lot of people

trying to think about sincere interest

in Pro gaming so I'm going to share

something okay don't read too much into

it I've worked with about seven or eight

Esports teams let's say and sometimes

what happens after a team has trouble is

they think about should I switch this

player out or not should we find a new

new player they think which is the right

choice should we stick with what we have

or should we find a new player and

that's where like my answer to them is

there isn't a right choice or a wrong

choice it's that whatever you pick is

going to require work all that's

different is the kind of work that it's

going to take after your choice see we

think that making the right choice

creates the right result but it's not

the choice that that creates the result

it's what you do after the choice so

I'll say this a lot also like in in

medical school where people are like

okay well I love surgery and I love

Psychiatry which one should I pick which

one will make me happier and that's

where I think people are losing the

point they're like thinking like if I

pick something it'll make me happy and

that's why those people wind up unhappy

because they think that the happiness

comes from the choice it's created

afterward and as long as you think that

a particular thing is going to make me

you happy and you strive for that thing

and then you get it and then what

happens those people aren't happy you'll

get that this is why people who look for

happiness outside of themselves never

find it and I don't mean that in like a

here's my spiritual tweet for the day I

mean like literally think about it right

if I think that because they think that

happiness is just like something that

you acquire right it's like you open a

treasure chest and Boop here's the

happiness I found it now I'm good it

doesn't work like that it's created this

is why the research on savoring is so

important what we discover is that

prioritizing experiences and learning

how to savor is actually what we leads

to happiness and so you can go and this

is what we end up with right like I want

this thing this thing will make me happy

and you get that thing makes you happy

for like a day then you want something

else you're so excited to play this

video game this video game is so great

so great oh my God it's so much fun and

then you finish and then what how long

does the happiness from the video game

last if video games actually made people

happy the industry would be dead we

wouldn't need any more because we'd be

done so this is what it means it's not

like some profound like oh like

happiness comes from women like

literally it's not like some weird

spiritual metaphor it's like you can eat

as many [ __ ] cookies as you want to

in life you can eat a cookie today

you're gonna want one tomorrow you can

eat one tomorrow you're gonna want one

the next day you get tired for them for

a little while then you'll want

something else and then you're gonna eat

that and you'll be happy for a little

while and then a month later you're

gonna want a cookie again this is not

some profound spiritual realization this

is just like just pay attention to

yourself for like all of five minutes

and you will discover this that the

happiness doesn't come from the object

itself it comes from your experience of

the object so should you major in CS or

should you become a pro gamer that

depends on how you live your life after

after making the decision there isn't a

right decision or a wrong decision

should I take job a or should I take job

B well job a has these benefits and

these weaknesses job B has these

benefits and these weaknesses so whether

you're happy or not is not which job you

choose it's which way are you going to

play the game after you pick a job am I

going to take advantage of a b and c and

am I going to supplement and deal with d

e and f that are the weaknesses if the

answer is yes you will be happy in your

job so what we've done is a society of

we have seeded control of our happiness

to the outside world we've given up

we've given up on our relationships

because finding the right person I met

the one it's the search for the one

which implies that the happiness from

the relationship comes from the other

person and boy when we surrendered our

happiness in a relationship to the other

person that's when we get [ __ ] because

they're responsible for it now and

whether we become happy or not depends

on their behavior we lose control of Our

Lives same thing is happening in work

this job will make me happy as soon as

as I get to the end of the rainbow I

will be happy and then you're not happy

so what do you do you go find another

rainbow and then you grind towards the

end of it and then you're not happy for

long enough so you look for another

rainbow this promotion next promotion

next promotion 50 Grand more 100 Grand

more 200 Grand more that'll be happy

right and all y'all are like if you

don't make go 200 Grand a year 300 Grand

a year like of course that'll make me

happy think about all the crap I'll be

able to do it there's research that says

that after 150k it doesn't do anything

we've seated control of our happiness to

the outside world and boy has the

outside world loved taking it from us

right oh yeah

yeah I'm gonna make you happy yeah you

want happiness I can give you happiness

5.99 this DLC 2.99 this micro

transaction you need more lives on this

level of jelly whatever crunch 99 Cents

I'll give you I'll make you happy just

just give me a dollar give me two give

me five give me ten give me a hundred

give me a thousand I want to be happy I

need I need a a diamond in order to be

happy in this relationship I need a

diamond that's worth fifty thousand

dollars without the diamond I'm not

gonna be happy this is what I need to be

happy I I deserve it I deserve the best

because I have self-esteem and in that

moment what you're doing is surrendering

your happiness to literally a chunk of

carbon and we wonder why no one is happy

today because we gave it up and there

are people who are happy to profit off

of it they're like great you go girl you

want a 50k let me show you ads for 60k

diamonds and we wonder it's not a knock

against women by the way men are the

same for men it can be I need my

significant other we're assuming a

heterosexual relationship to have tits

that are this big

same thing

sports cars whatever so if you're

wondering what should I do so here's

what I'd say start by prioritizing your

security learn how to savor and

prioritize experiences over possessions

and spend your money on other people at

least some these are the four things

that'll make you happy in life easy ah

this is great so this is a wonderful

question how does the experience of

going to a museum differ from the

experience of gaming beautiful so the

main difference is one is easier to

savor and one is harder to savor so

remember the ability to savor is the

ability to enhance and extend a positive

emotional experience so gaming is only

fun while you're gaming and then the

second you're done with a match what do

you have to do to continue having fun

you don't save her at all you just jump

right in so the difference between a

museum is a museum is more conducive to

savoring and then people may say but

hold on a second Dr K I've savored some

of my video game experiences as have I

and those are the video game experiences

that I love and don't regret for a

moment that's what being a healthy gamer

is about savoring your game I still

remember ladder matches from Starcraft 1

on island maps when I was playing

protoss like I still remember Dungeons

and dragon sessions I still remember a

couple of Epic comebacks in Dota I still

remember playing Unreal Tournament those

are the experiences that are worth

saving but what I think is actually like

worse about gaming is that gaming itself

is not monolithic there's some games

that could be savored like I think Eldon

ring is moving in that direction right

you can Savor Elder ring you don't have

to micro transact your way to anything

it's not about winning or losing it's

like there isn't a best weapon and a

worse weapon the best weapon is what

people like what kind of armor do you

want to wear it's like fashion Souls

like forget about best I'm gonna create

an experience and even if you're a video

game designer and this is where like

we've done Consulting for video game

companies what we Advocate is this is

that we think about video games is evil

they're not evil parents think about

them as evil whether they're evil or not

depends on how we make them so like even

if you're playing a video video games

savor it I know it's kind of bizarre

after you play for a little while go for

a walk think about how much fun you had

today because one of two things will

happen either you'll savor it and it'll

be just as fun to walk as it will to

play or if you're like me at one point

you'll make a shocking discovery which

is that actually you didn't enjoy it and

actually you feel like you're waking up

from being passed out from drinking too

much and you're hungover from playing

way too much and that's when you know

you're an unhealthy gamer if you can't

savor it don't play it savoring is the

ability to enhance and prolong or extend

a positive experience

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