Getting To Yes! William Ury - Part 2

Summary

The video script explores effective negotiation strategies, emphasizing the importance of brainstorming to generate options, using independent standards to resolve conflicts, and separating people issues from the problem at hand. It illustrates how to handle emotional and perceptual challenges, advocating for active listening and empathetic acknowledgment. The script also highlights the significance of knowing one's BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement) to navigate the decision between walking away or signing an agreement.

Takeaways

• 📝 Importance of Brainstorming: The script emphasizes the value of brainstorming to generate a wide array of options without initial judgment or commitment.
• 🔑 Seniority and Job Guarantees: Maintaining seniority and ensuring job guarantees are identified as crucial issues to keep on the negotiation table.
• 🗣️ Voice in Training: The necessity for workers to have a say in their training processes is highlighted as a significant point of negotiation.
• 🤝 Flexibility in Bargaining: The dialogue suggests the importance of flexibility, not committing early to proposals, to maintain bargaining power.
• 🤔 Evaluating Options: After brainstorming, it's essential to evaluate options based on their potential to meet the underlying interests of both parties.
• 🏆 Use of Independent Standards: The script underlines the power of using independent standards to resolve conflicts and persuade both parties of the fairness of an agreement.
• 💰 Negotiating Fees: An example of fee negotiation illustrates how sharing rationale behind figures can lead to a mutually agreeable outcome.
• 🤝 Separating People from Problem: Successful negotiators separate emotional or personal issues from the substantive issues to handle them effectively.
• 👂 Active Listening: The script stresses the importance of active listening in understanding the other party's perspective and emotions.
• 🤝 Balancing Work and Personal Life: Addressing work-life balance concerns requires empathy and a willingness to explore options that respect personal needs without compromising professional responsibilities.
• 🤔 BATNA Importance: Knowing one's Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement (BATNA) is crucial in determining whether to continue negotiations or walk away.

Q & A

What are the three most promising options discussed in the meeting for negotiation with management?

The three most promising options discussed are: maintaining seniority, job guarantees, and having a voice in the training process.

Why is it important to keep seniority on the table during negotiations?

Seniority is important because it ensures that longer-serving employees are protected and their experience is valued, which is a key point that cannot be ratified without agreement.

What is the significance of having a voice in the training according to the transcript?

Having a voice in the training is crucial as it allows employees to be comfortable and have a say in their professional development, which directly impacts their job satisfaction and performance.

Why is it suggested not to reveal all options at the beginning of negotiations?

Revealing all options at the beginning can limit flexibility and bargaining power. It's better to keep some options in reserve to respond to the other party's proposals and maintain the upper hand in negotiations.

What is the role of brainstorming in the negotiation process as described in the script?

Brainstorming is a critical activity in negotiations that helps generate a wide range of options. It follows specific rules such as no criticism and no commitment, allowing participants to freely invent ideas that can potentially meet underlying interests.

How can the concept of 'embedding options' enhance a negotiator's power?

Embedding options enhances a negotiator's power by providing multiple avenues for resolution. The more options available, the better equipped the negotiator is to craft a solution that meets the interests of both parties effectively.

What is the purpose of using independent standards in resolving conflicting interests in negotiations?

Independent standards serve as objective measures that can help both parties assess the fairness of a proposal. They can be used to persuade the other side or protect one's own interests by referencing market value, precedent, or industry practice.

How can independent standards help in narrowing the differences between negotiating parties?

Independent standards provide a common ground for both parties to assess the legitimacy and fairness of their positions. By referencing these standards, negotiators can find a middle ground that satisfies both sides without compromising on their core interests.

What is the importance of separating the people from the problem in negotiations?

Separating the people from the problem allows negotiators to address the substantive issues without being hindered by emotional or personal factors. This approach facilitates a more objective and productive discussion, focusing on finding a mutually beneficial solution.

Why is active listening a crucial part of communication during negotiations?

Active listening is essential because it ensures that all parties understand each other's perspectives and feelings. It helps in building trust, showing respect, and creating an environment conducive to open dialogue and problem-solving.

What does the acronym BATNA stand for and why is it important in negotiations?

BATNA stands for 'Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement.' It's important because it represents the fallback option if negotiations fail. Knowing one's BATNA helps in evaluating whether to proceed with a deal or walk away, thus influencing negotiation strategy and confidence.

Outlines

00:00

🤝 Union Negotiation Strategies

This paragraph discusses a union negotiation scenario where the focus is on identifying promising options for discussion with management. The union aims to maintain seniority and job guarantees while seeking a voice in training. The importance of brainstorming without commitment is emphasized, as is the need to evaluate options after brainstorming. The paragraph highlights the power of having multiple options to negotiate from and the use of independent standards to resolve conflicts of interest.

05:00

📊 Utilizing Standards in Negotiation

The second paragraph illustrates the use of independent standards in negotiations to resolve conflicts and persuade parties. It provides an example of a consultant negotiating fees with a client, where both parties use standards such as market value and industry practice to justify their positions. The dialogue shows how standards can serve as both a persuasive tool and a protective measure, helping to narrow differences and find a mutually acceptable solution.

10:00

🧐 Dealing with People Issues in Negotiation

This paragraph delves into the human element of negotiations, discussing the challenges of managing emotions, perceptions, and communication. It emphasizes the importance of separating people issues from the substantive issues of the negotiation. Techniques such as active listening, acknowledging emotions, and understanding differing perspectives are highlighted as essential for dealing with people problems effectively, turning confrontations into collaborative problem-solving.

15:01

🤔 Navigating Emotional Negotiations

The fourth paragraph presents a scenario where an employee is asking for a raise, highlighting the importance of separating personal relationships from professional negotiations. The employee emphasizes the value of their work and the desire for fair treatment, while the manager acknowledges the relationship but focuses on the business aspects of the negotiation. The dialogue demonstrates the challenge of balancing emotional connections with the need for objective decision-making.

20:01

👩‍💼 Balancing Work and Personal Life in Negotiations

In this paragraph, a professional discusses the struggle to balance work demands with personal life, specifically the need to care for a child. The manager acknowledges the employee's concerns and the importance of motherhood, while also considering the company's needs and the perceptions of other employees. The conversation explores the dilemma of maintaining fairness among staff while addressing individual needs, highlighting the complexity of negotiating work-life balance.

25:07

🤷‍♂️ The Dilemma of Walking Away or Signing an Agreement

The final paragraph addresses the common negotiation dilemma of deciding whether to walk away without an agreement or to sign an agreement that may be regretted later. The solution presented is thorough preparation, including knowing one's best alternative to a negotiated agreement (BATNA). Having a clear BATNA provides a benchmark to measure the success of the negotiation, guiding the decision to either accept or decline a proposed agreement.

Keywords

💡Negotiation

Negotiation is a process where two or more parties discuss and resolve issues to reach an agreement. In the video, negotiation is central to the theme, focusing on strategies such as brainstorming options and using independent standards to resolve conflicts. For example, the script discusses the importance of having multiple options on the table to enhance a negotiator's power and the use of market value as an independent standard to justify fee increases.

💡Brainstorming

Brainstorming is a creative technique used to generate a large number of ideas for the development of a project. The script emphasizes the importance of brainstorming in the negotiation process, where team members are encouraged to invent options without criticism or commitment to explore potential solutions that meet underlying interests.

💡Interests

Interests refer to the underlying concerns, needs, or desires of the parties involved in a negotiation. The video script mentions that negotiators should focus on interests rather than positions, as understanding the interests can lead to creative solutions that satisfy both parties, such as providing training in areas where employees have expressed a desire.

💡Options

Options are potential solutions or alternatives that can be proposed in a negotiation. The script discusses the value of having multiple options, as it enhances the negotiator's ability to find a solution that meets the interests of all parties involved. For instance, the concept of 'voice in the training' is presented as an option that could satisfy the interests of employees.

💡Standards

Standards are established criteria or norms used to measure or judge quality, performance, or value. In the context of the video, independent standards such as market value or industry practice are used to justify proposals and to persuade both parties that an agreement is fair. An example from the script is using the average fee from other clients as a standard to negotiate a consultant's fee.

💡BATNA

BATNA, which stands for 'Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement,' is a concept that refers to the best option a party has if they were to walk away from the negotiation. The script highlights the importance of knowing one's BATNA before entering into negotiations, as it serves as a benchmark to determine whether to accept or reject a proposed agreement.

💡Emotions

Emotions play a significant role in negotiations, often influencing perceptions and communication. The video script advises being aware of one's own emotions and being sensitive to those of the other party. For example, recognizing and acknowledging feelings such as anger or frustration can help in resolving conflicts and finding common ground.

💡Perception

Perception refers to the way individuals interpret and understand information or situations. The script discusses how different perceptions can lead to conflicts in negotiations, and the importance of understanding and validating the other party's perspective to move towards a resolution, such as recognizing that employees may feel they are being treated unfairly compared to their peers.

💡Communication

Communication is the exchange of information, ideas, or feelings. The video emphasizes the importance of active listening in communication, suggesting that understanding the other party's point of view is crucial for effective negotiation. It also points out that communication involves more than just speaking; it requires acknowledging the other party's feelings and perspectives.

💡Flexibility

Flexibility in negotiation refers to the ability to adapt and consider various options or proposals. The script mentions the importance of maintaining flexibility, as it allows negotiators to explore different possibilities and find creative solutions that meet the interests of both parties, such as considering different training options for employees.

💡Commitment

Commitment in the context of negotiation refers to the agreement or obligation to a particular course of action. The video script advises against making commitments during the brainstorming phase, allowing for the free flow of ideas without the pressure of having to accept them. This approach encourages the generation of innovative options that can later be evaluated and potentially accepted.

Highlights

The importance of brainstorming in generating negotiation options without criticism or commitment.

The concept of keeping 'seniority' as a key negotiation point to maintain its value in discussions.

Job guarantees as a promising negotiation idea, highlighting the need for security in employment.

The necessity for a 'voice in the training' to ensure comfort and participation in professional development.

The strategic use of asterisks to denote important points without revealing one's hand too early in negotiations.

The ground rule of 'no commitment' in brainstorming to encourage open idea generation.

The exploration of co-design as a negotiation option, allowing for collaboration and mutual benefit.

The potential for older employees to train younger ones in technologies where they have expertise.

The idea of in-house training for certain technologies as a cost-effective solution.

The use of independent standards in negotiations to provide a fair and objective basis for agreement.

How to use market value and industry practice as independent standards to persuade and protect interests.

The power of standards to help both parties persuade their constituents in a negotiation.

The importance of separating the people from the problem in negotiations to address emotions and perceptions effectively.

Active listening as a key communication technique in understanding and addressing the other party's emotions and viewpoints.

The dilemma of walking away or signing an agreement in negotiations and the role of BATNA in making this decision.

The strategy of being 'soft on the person, hard on the problem' to maintain relationships while negotiating tough issues.

The concept of disentangling personal relationships from business negotiations to ensure fairness and objectivity.

The use of empathy and understanding in negotiations to address emotional concerns while maintaining a focus on the problem at hand.

The role of BATNA in preparing for negotiations and providing a clear alternative in case the negotiation is not successful.

Transcripts

let's try an asterisk three that we

might bring back into the joint meeting

with management what are the three most

promising options here on the list what

would you say you've got to keep

seniority on the table

okay so seniority you want to obviously

we couldn't get ratified without it okay

also job guarantees of some kind job

guarantees that's a that's a very

promising idea okay but I think we need

a voice in the training I don't think

there's any question without a voice in

the training why we aren't comfortable

okay voice in the training okay but I

don't I don't think we want them to know

do we didn't give asterisks close do we

well let me ask you this how see

bargaining yet it can wait you're taking

our flexibility with oh you're not

making Lisa's proposals well these are

these are just options you're willing to

talk about is there any option here that

you're not willing to talk about I think

that the concern is it yeah well we if

we offer up an idea they're gonna climb

onto it great if we proposed it right

you need to know that the first time

they glam onto one of those and say boy

we'll buy that we're walking out you've

told us these are just things we're

going to talking sure I'm gonna be on to

them long before you walk remember the

ground rule is no commitment I'll see to

it that that ground rules maintained

once the union team focused on the task

of inventing options they were able to

come up with quite a few it is a very

important activity to brainstorm the

rules of brainstorming are quite clear

you set aside a time no criticism no

commitment just invent ideas however

short the time you have is a good idea

to have some segments of time in which

people are asked to explore let their

mind wander and think of things that

might meet the underlying interest so

let's continue there are some

interesting options put up here how

would you improve on these how could

they better be developed to meet your

interests where do you see some overlap

Frank if you're are serious in looking

at our option on co.design I have the

feeling that we can work some

than out on your first item management

discussion with improved early

retirement I'm simply saying that

without any commitment to it but it

seems to me there's something we could

do there because we could provide an

opportunity then for our older people to

be involved and in some areas we could

have the older employees train the

younger employees in those technologies

where they're expert and then in the

newer technologies why we'll look to

some other source of training we may

actually be able to do that training

in-house and then for those technologies

which we're going to require more we can

send that to the Community College and

we might be able to pay for that also I

like that idea cuz a lot of people have

told me they want training in areas

where we don't presently offer any

training these options down because it

sounds like you're really getting

somewhere now we've got a lot of

possibilities why don't we start to

flesh some of these out embedding

options enhances their negotiators power

if I have a lot of options on the table

I am better able to work out a solution

that meets your interests in mind I'm in

a stronger position for more options I

have often options will simply solve the

problem you will have a good solution

that meets the interests of both parties

not all options are created equal

you have to evaluate them and evaluation

as you saw it comes after the

brainstorming session we do not evaluate

during the middle of rain storming in

some cases their conflicting interests

that cannot be solved by inventing

options there we need other methods in

the next segment we look at the power of

independent standards as a way of moving

toward agreement segment three standards

sometimes interest conflict and you

can't find a creative option that

satisfies both sides often when that

happens the parties end up in a contest

of will where one side or the other has

to back down that kind of contest is

costly it rewards stubbornness and

deception and nobody likes to back down

and so they don't and the process takes

forever

a better way to resolve conflicting

interests in most situations is to use

independent standards for example but

I'm negotiating with a client it's much

more effective for me to explain that

the fee I want is what I've been paid by

a dozen other clients and just to say

well that's how much I want it's hard to

back down to the other side it's much

easier to go along with an independent

standard such as market value precedent

or industry practice standards can be

used as both a sword to persuade the

other side and as a shield to protect

yourself as a sword standards allow you

to explain to the other side why your

proposal would be fair for them as well

as for you as a shield standards allow

you to explain why their proposal

doesn't doesn't feel fair to you

wouldn't be appropriate according to

some objective standards or precedents

standards aren't created equal you can

look for the standards that are the most

relevant the most appropriate to the

situation you're talking about and some

standards will seem more persuasive and

others let's watch in this next

negotiation how the standards can be

used on both sides to narrow the

difference and the differences between

the parties in this situation I am

coaching a consultant and their client

in a negotiation about the consultants

fees Tom we've been holding down fees

now for four years you know we've been

working with you every time you run into

a difficulty the time is coming we need

to pay back this year we need a 13%

increase that's how rageous it's too

much

we were thinking 4% of walking in here

maybe it's time we need to talk to the

competition it's already tense and the

reason is all they've put out on the

table is a position a number they

haven't even begun to explain where that

number might have come from what's the

rationale the legitimacy that lies

behind it Chuck maybe it would help if

you explain where that 13 percent came

from

all right Tom if you raised your fees to

us by 13% they would equal the average

fee we get from our clients across the

country and Tom what about you where did

that 4% figure come from you seem pretty

strong on that you know we've just gone

through a long negotiating process with

unions and the whole nine yards on

salaries and we've come with

across-the-board 4% increase I might say

our internal increases look like 10 to

11 percent for management look at that

and soon if they get out with single

rationale from one side or the other

they can begin to discuss well it's that

the most appropriate standard for this

situation and then they can begin to

have a dialogue let's keep going he's 4%

for your managers as well

no no upper level management weight and

a half or something yeah how about your

lawyers what do you pay your lawyers

well we paying by the hour 225 an hour

but 13% is - hi Chuck

this is st. Louis well you're right it

is st. Louis but Tom even even in st.

Louis I mean you'd have to raise your

rates to us by or I'm sorry your fees to

us by at least nine percent if you were

going to pay us the average we get for

clients in st. Louis well what does nine

percent mean in terms of your hourly

salaries across the board um average it

out well first of all kind of break out

expenses me I'm done in the past but

take expenses out and if you combine

that the highest hourly rate and the

lowest hourly rate and we've got a team

working with you various assignments

would be about a hundred and twenty-five

dollars an hour and you said that's the

lowest hourly rate of anyone in your st.

Louis office that's correct

average who do you have to sell this fee

to my board would it help if you could

say that that's the lowest hourly rate

any client is getting in the st. Louis

area

yeah I think it's important for us all

to feel that we are

being given the best rate in town I mean

after all we've got to be one of your

largest clients certainly here that's a

lot less than what you're paying your

lawyers to yes it is

lawyers offer specialized services well

maybe I can look at that it sounds as if

I could sell it if you can provide me

with something I can take to the board

to convince them that indeed this is the

lowest I can I can go back to the office

and verify that but I'm confident that

that would be equal to the lowest

average rate paid by any st. Louis

client and I can provide you with a memo

that would be you Dearborn yeah what

about you chuck

you said that'd be a 9% increase could

you live with something like that well

it's not as much as I had hope for

you're gonna have to talk to your other

partners presumably right however I

think it's probably going to be the

largest increase of any client in our

office and if that's right

it ought to satisfy my partners so here

by looking at the rationales the

standards that lie behind the positions

the ideas the options that the parties

have been discussing you not only get

some new options on the table you narrow

the gap between their differences and

note in the solution that they've come

up with so far they haven't even had to

agree on any single standard one side is

going to portray it to their

constituency as the lowest hourly rate

available to any client in the

geographic area while the other portrays

it to his partners as the highest

increase anyone has come into the office

and gotten from their clients so both

should be happy both should be able to

live with it that's the difference think

where they started

13% 4% bear numbers on the table by

looking to standards rationales

legitimacy and talking about which

standards are more appropriate they

found an option that can both live with

as you've just seen one of the most

powerful uses of independent standards

is to help the other side persuade their

constituents and of course they may help

you persuade your

as well when interests conflict and you

can't find a creative option that

satisfies both sides be prepared to use

independent standards to persuade both

parties that an agreement is one that

treats them fairly interests options and

standards are a great way to deal with

the substantive issues in negotiation

but negotiators are people first dealing

with the people issues in negotiation is

the subject of our next segment

segment for people constantly in a

negotiation you're trying to focus on

the problem you're trying to look at the

interests or the options or the

standards and the people get in the way

their emotions their egos their

different ways of seeing things their

communication patterns constantly you're

focusing on the problem that people get

in the way people make two assumptions

either they assume that look I've got to

be soft on the people I need this

relationship and that means being soft

on the problem giving in making

concessions or they make the opposite

assumption I've got to be hard on the

problem I need to get this I need to get

this from my organization or for myself

if that means being hard on the people

well that's that's real life well in the

world of business we're not holding

hands what we find successful

negotiators doing is rejecting both

those assumptions what they do is they

separate the people from the problem

almost like drawing a line in their

heads between the person and the problem

in order then to simultaneously be soft

on the people hard on the problem in

fact the harder you need to be on the

problem the softer you need to be on the

person if the person is not going to get

in the way of dealing with the problem

first part about emotions I think is to

be aware of your own be sensitive to

where they are feel them and then be

sensitive to the emotions of the other

party try to acknowledge them see if you

can't understand how they're feeling

we've sometimes think we're taught as

children it's naughty to be angry it's

nothing wrong with feeling anger it's

like feeling hot or feeling cold it's a

feeling how you deal with anger or

something else people have a tendency to

believe that it when they disagree about

something in negotiation one side has to

be right or the other side and somebody

has to be wrong usually that's not true

if people feel strongly about an issue

it's much more likely that they have

facts you don't have that they see the

situation in a different way which is

perhaps partially valid perhaps even as

valid it's the way that you see it

before you get into a heated argument

back and forth about who's right it's

better to say how do they see is there

some piece of what they see that if I

knew would make a difference to me so

what I've heard

their emotion problems as people

problems there are problems of

perception the fact that people see

things differently right and the third

category is communication problems most

people think of communication is my

telling you we think of the

communication industry broadcasting of

great communicators or people who talk

and tell people things I would say if

communication is the problem half of the

problem is listening in fact the more

important half is listening because

unless I hear you unless I understand

where your head is we're to thinking and

feeling I'm shooting it in the dark I

don't know what so listen active

listening listening acknowledging your

feelings acknowledging the other side's

feelings putting yourself in the other

side shoes

none of them involve making a concession

to the other side we deal with the key

point is to deal with people problems

with people techniques and then deal

with the problem on its merits in the

next negotiation john nathan is being

asked for a raise by a talented young

associate of his john wants to avoid the

raise in fact he wants to avoid

discussing the problem by threatening

the relationship by indicating the

relationship is at stake he is

deliberately although maybe not

consciously mixing up the relationship

for the substance and tim asking for the

raise is fairly good and saying that the

amount of the raise should not depend on

the quality of the relationship let's

watch

i've been here for 18 months i've been

working really hard I came to this firm

because I value your advice and what

you've taught me so much and I think

that now I'm looking around I'm seeing

other people in the firm coming in

hiring laterally at higher salaries than

I'm getting I'm wondering perhaps you

know is a reason for this reason I'm not

being paid Copley to other people in my

position you're saying you know that

we're flying still a little low to the

ground we're trying to take this thing

up to the 40,000 feet we think they'll

be flying out of Europe doing a lot to

help us get there but you and I you know

we haven't been we haven't talked money

much we knew coming in that we didn't

have a lot of money to spend except on

the projects and other stuff that we're

doing that are making us feel like we're

contributing to some making a difference

out there money brought up between us at

this

it seems inappropriate somehow I am

uncomfortable about it

in what way I'm sorry it's there you

know I began to say I'm proud of you and

I did feel corny about it I mean I do

feel like your uncle or your dad and I

brought you along I think I think you'd

say that you've learned quite a bit for

me absolutely if I in any way implied

that the relationship was not important

to me or was not the most valuable thing

I am sorry about that it is I've learned

so much from you and it's line that no

matter where I work or whatever I do

what I learned from you is gonna be so

important to me but I think we need to

separate that but somehow our working

relationship and the work I do for this

firm need to go to it separately and my

salary requests are really for what I

think I can contribute to the work of

this firm okay so you just want to talk

money basically yes money in terms of

what I can do for the company what I can

do I talk - people all day long you've

heard me talk money

half of the business is talking money

that's the part of business you know

that I like least the part of it is I

like most of what we do together

fine we're gonna become merchants

basically for the next ten minutes and

have a conversation about dollars and

says that what you're asking me to do I

don't know if I would use the word

merchants in the sense of that angle

basically it's a hey you could be a

fishmonger I could be a housewife I I

even hack I don't like the word haggle

that much either I think what I would

like to do is to say yes I am very

committed to this company I would like

to see on a work-based relationship

something that is comparable salary wise

and I don't want to bring in our

relationship the reasons I came to this

firm what I've learned from you is

combine is trying to keep them separate

okay how much do you want well I look at

the other people you've brought in

recently who are in my position who are

how laterally hired who are about

$40,000 in that reason I think it's fair

for the work I do they're being paid

$32,000 Mountain 32:5 mm-hmm and you're

asking for a sieve and a half a vanilla

raiser now right I need to hear one

thing clear if you are we can all tomato

mode here are you saying pay

the $40,000 give me the seven half

thousand dollar raise today or I'm gone

I'm out of here I'm up the next step on

the ladder is not where we are

absolutely not John I would never leave

you today I would never walk out on you

that is something that I just would not

do and purely because we value our

friendship so much I would never do

anything like that to you all I want is

to be treated fairly all I ask is that I

be treated for my work the same way

anyone else in your firm is treated Tim

was good there it's amazing every time

John would bring something up he'd

reaffirm to John how much the

relationship meant and then say but how

much I'm paid is just a question of

what's fair in the office I don't want

to feel ripped off it's almost like when

someone says trust me that's right you

should answer of course I trust you and

common business practice would suggest

that I run this by my lawyer now let's

watch a negotiation between a

professional and a manager the

professional is concerned about her

schedule she doesn't think that she has

enough time at home with her child her

perception plays a role the manager has

a very different view of the fairness of

the professional schedule let's watch

Irma I I'm having trouble doing this job

and taking care of my child I came home

last night after being on the road for

seven days and my daughter didn't even

know who I was she wouldn't have

anything to do with me and I I'm at my

wit's end this is so crazy I feel like

you have scheduled me week after week on

the road I feel like I've done my fair

share

I do work really well and I'm really

going crazy this is really difficult I

can't keep it up with the quality of my

work as well as being mother which I

never get a chance to do because you

always have me on the road it's been

really difficult I think you can

understand this Irma your mother you

understand what it's like it's been

really really difficult for me can you

help me well I certainly understand as a

mother what what you must be feeling if

I came home and my child didn't

recognize

me I'd be very upset and I would like to

help you I want to help the company too

so there may be some conflicting

interests there let's talk more

well isn't motherhood the most important

thing in the world I mean child's

welfare I think that's very important

and this is a very critical time in your

daughter's life and that's a priority

question and I think that's one of the

questions you and I need to talk about

where are your priorities right now well

I want to be a good mother and I want to

be a good employee of this company I

want to keep my work at the level that

it's at and I feel if you put me on the

road as much as you do I can't be good

at anything other than my job okay so

you're feeling like there's not enough

balance in your life right now well

Francine one of the reasons we put you

on the road is you're one of our best

employees and we've got a lot of demand

right now and more than that we're

hearing and I'm hearing from other folks

how come Francine isn't on the road as

much as we are and I said well let me

tell you I thought that was ridiculous

too so I pulled together the data and I

looked at it I said you know actually

you are doing about 80 percent of what

other people are doing and that's been

because I've been trying to the extent

that I could to minimize the amount of

time you have on the road 80 percent

about 80 percent yeah so they're right

in other words they feel like you're

getting a break that they're not getting

so when I'm standing in my shoes trying

to understand what it means to be a

mother I'm also hearing this voice of 24

people over here saying hey is this fair

and I'm frankly facing the dilemma of

saying Francine maybe you should do more

and you're now coming in saying you got

to give me less yeah you got to give me

less okay

I have several responsibilities one is

to keep you and those other 24 people

happy productive but I also have to make

this company work and I have to make

sure our clients are happy this is our

busiest season there's no way at this

point I can reduce the workload I think

we can talk well yeah I know that's

especially after what happened to you

last night

I'm sure this is not good news I can't

reduce it right now but maybe we could

talk about some options long-term that

could give you some relief in the future

so you're willing to work with me on

this I'm willing to talk about it and to

see what's possible because I don't want

to lose you if there's a way to keep you

treat others fairly and keep our revenue

stream where it needs to be I'm willing

to work with you bill what did you think

of hermas performance there what do you

see

I thought urban did a beautiful job of

separating the people from the problem

being soft on the person while we

remaining hard on the problem keeping

the company's interests in mind though

she certainly able to be firm and

friendly at the same time it really

makes a difference when you can do that

it's not just the words it's the tone

it's the spirit it's the intent that lie

behind the words well all of these

techniques are more than just you know

words or formulas that you memorize they

don't work as formulas you really have

to mean it and that's why you know

that's why dealing with people is hard

you have to make this part of you and

really make it work but if you can it'll

make a big difference in every

negotiation there are people problems

when these loom large when they become

important you want to get the first

basic point disentangle the people

issues from the substantive ones of

price terms conditions whatever you have

just take them apart deal with the

substance on its merits but don't try

and buy the relationship don't give in

on the substance in order to improve

their personal relationship deal with

the substance disentangle it and then

turn to the people problems deal with

the people problems using people

techniques acknowledge your emotions and

theirs without blaming one side of the

other listen actively put yourself in

their shoes and understand how they see

it those are the techniques that allow

you to make them feel respected and well

treated above all turn a face to face

confrontation into side by side

problem-solving so you're both sitting

on the same side of the table facing the

problem you're attacking the problem

jointly not the people

segment five alternatives in every

negotiation there's a dilemma shall I

make risk the mistake of walking away

without agreement or risk the mistake of

signing an agreement I wish I had to

sign regretting it every negotiator

feels uncertain is this deal good enough

should I walk should I knock if I walk I

let me get to the door look out and

discover it's awful if I stay at the

table I may sign an agreement when there

was a better deal around the corner the

answer to this dilemma the solution

again is preparation before you sit down

at the table know what you will do if

you walk away what is your best

self-help alternative we call this your

Batna your best alternative to a

negotiated agreement and I want to have

that in my pocket I want to know just

what I'm going to do that is the measure

of the success of any negotiation unless

it's better than that I ought to walk

away