How to get what you want every time: Harvard negotiators explain

Summary

The video script from 'Getting to Yes' by William Ury and Roger Fisher emphasizes that negotiation is not about winning or splitting things evenly, but finding a solution that satisfies both parties without damaging the relationship. It introduces a four-step framework for effective negotiation: focusing on interests, using fair standards, inventing options for mutual gain, and separating the people from the problem. The script also offers strategies for dealing with dirty tactics, power imbalances, and personal attacks, highlighting the importance of understanding interests and maintaining a collaborative approach.

Takeaways

• 📚 The book 'Getting to Yes' by William Ury and Roger Fisher emphasizes that negotiation is not about splitting things 50/50 or insisting on one's own way, but finding a solution that satisfies both parties without damaging the relationship.
• 💡 Negotiation is not about winning or losing; if you're asking who is winning, you've already lost. The focus should be on interests, not positions.
• 🔍 To understand the other party's interests, ask 'why' and try to see things from their point of view. This helps in finding underlying interests which might be hidden or vague.
• 🤝 Open communication about interests can lead to better listening and understanding, which is crucial for successful negotiation.
• 📏 Use fair standards or objective criteria to resolve conflicts, such as market prices, legal requirements, or mutually agreed standards, instead of arguing back and forth.
• 🚀 Invent options for mutual gain by brainstorming all possible solutions without judging them initially, and then refining the most promising ideas.
• 🧩 Differences in negotiation can lead to creative solutions. Embrace these differences as a source of innovation rather than a problem.
• 👥 Separate the people from the problem. Be soft on the person but hard on the problem to avoid damaging the relationship and to focus on finding a solution.
• 🤝 Building a relationship with the other side before the negotiation can increase the success rate significantly.
• 🛡 Develop a BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement) to increase your power in the negotiation and to have a clear understanding of what a minimally acceptable agreement is.
• 💪 Use negotiation jujitsu to sidestep personal attacks by understanding the other party's interests, asking for their advice, or inviting criticism to learn more about their perspective.

Q & A

What is the central theme of the book 'Getting to Yes' by William Ury and Roger Fisher?

The central theme of 'Getting to Yes' is that negotiation is not about splitting things equally or insisting on one's own way, but rather about finding a solution that satisfies both parties' interests without damaging the relationship.

What is the significance of the window argument in the library example?

The window argument in the library example illustrates the importance of focusing on interests rather than positions in a negotiation, leading to a creative solution that satisfies both parties without compromising their core needs.

How does the cake-sharing example demonstrate the importance of fairness in negotiation?

The cake-sharing example shows that using an objective standard, such as having one person cut the cake and the other choose first, can lead to a fair outcome that both parties accept, thus avoiding disputes over perceived unfairness.

What is the key takeaway from the orange argument between two kids?

The key takeaway is that understanding the underlying interests of each party can lead to a solution where both parties get 100% of what they want, instead of just 50%, highlighting the importance of communication and understanding in negotiation.

What is the four-step framework proposed in the script for effective negotiation?

The four-step framework includes: 1) Focus on interests, not positions; 2) Use fair standards to resolve conflicts; 3) Invent options for mutual gain; and 4) Separate the people from the problem to maintain a good relationship while addressing the issue at hand.

Why is it important to focus on interests rather than positions in a negotiation?

Focusing on interests allows negotiators to understand the underlying needs and motivations of each party, which can lead to creative solutions that address those needs without being constrained by rigid positions.

How can using objective criteria help in resolving conflicts during a negotiation?

Using objective criteria, such as market prices or legal requirements, provides an unbiased basis for decision-making, which can help both parties agree on a fair outcome and avoid personal biases or opinions influencing the negotiation.

What does the term 'BATNA' stand for and why is it important in negotiations?

BATNA stands for 'Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement.' It is important because it gives a negotiator the power to walk away from a negotiation if the terms are not satisfactory, thus increasing their bargaining power.

How can one deal with personal attacks during a negotiation?

One can deal with personal attacks by using negotiation jujitsu, which involves side-stepping the attacks, asking for the reasons behind the other party's positions, seeking their advice, or inviting criticism to better understand their interests.

What is the story of the frisbee in Hyde Park meant to convey about the nature of negotiation?

The story is meant to convey that negotiation is not about winning or losing, but about working together to find a solution that satisfies both parties' interests, much like playing a game of frisbee for enjoyment rather than competition.

How can building a relationship with the other side before a negotiation increase the success rate?

Building a relationship allows for better understanding and trust between parties, which can ease the negotiation process, making it more collaborative and less adversarial, and thus increasing the likelihood of a successful outcome.

Outlines

00:00

📚 The Art of Win-Win Negotiation

This paragraph introduces the concept of negotiation as presented in the book 'Getting to Yes' by William Ury and Roger Fisher, founders of the Harvard Negotiation Project. It emphasizes that negotiation is not about splitting things evenly or winning at all costs. Instead, it's about finding a solution that satisfies both parties without damaging the relationship. The paragraph provides examples, such as the library window, cake-sharing, and the orange dispute, to illustrate the importance of understanding underlying interests and using fair standards to resolve conflicts. It also introduces a four-step framework for effective negotiation.

05:01

🤝 Focusing on Interests and Fair Standards

The second paragraph delves deeper into the first two steps of the negotiation framework: focusing on interests rather than positions and using fair standards to resolve disputes. It explains the importance of discovering the underlying interests of all parties involved and communicating openly about them. The paragraph also discusses the use of objective criteria such as market prices, legal requirements, or mutually agreed-upon standards to make decisions that are unbiased and fair. It highlights the need to shift the focus from personal demands to what the rules or standards dictate, turning a clash of interests into a shared goal.

10:03

💡 Inventing Options for Mutual Gain

This paragraph discusses the third step in the negotiation process: inventing options for mutual gain. It suggests brainstorming with all parties to generate a wide range of potential solutions, emphasizing the importance of not judging ideas too early and allowing for creative thinking. The paragraph uses the example of the orange to illustrate how differences can lead to creative solutions when both parties' interests are considered. It encourages seeing differences as opportunities for innovation rather than obstacles in the negotiation process.

👥 Separating the People from the Problem

The final paragraph focuses on the fourth step: separating the people from the problem. It advises treating people with respect and addressing the problem with determination. The paragraph stresses the importance of building relationships and understanding the other party's viewpoints to prevent personal issues from affecting the negotiation. It also provides strategies for dealing with difficult situations, such as recognizing and addressing dirty tactics, developing a BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement) to increase power, and using negotiation jujitsu to deflect personal attacks. The paragraph concludes with a story about a frisbee game to illustrate the collaborative nature of successful negotiations.

Keywords

💡Negotiation

Negotiation is a process where parties discuss and resolve disputes, conflicts, or areas of disagreement to reach a mutual agreement or settlement. In the video's context, negotiation is not about winning or losing but rather about finding a solution that satisfies both parties' interests without damaging the relationship. The video emphasizes that traditional approaches to negotiation, such as splitting things 50/50, may not always be effective.

💡Interests

In the context of negotiation, 'interests' refer to the underlying needs, desires, or motivations of the parties involved. The video stresses the importance of focusing on interests rather than positions, as understanding the true interests can lead to creative solutions that satisfy both parties. For example, the video mentions the story of two men arguing over a window, where focusing on interests (fresh air and avoiding wind disturbance) leads to a solution that benefits both.

💡Positions

Positions are the specific, clear, and often rigid stances that parties take during negotiations. The video illustrates that an overemphasis on positions can hinder the discovery of underlying interests and creative solutions. For instance, the two men arguing over the window's status are initially focused on their positions (open or closed) rather than their interests (fresh air and avoiding wind disturbance).

💡Fair Standards

Fair standards are unbiased rules or criteria that both parties in a negotiation agree upon to resolve disputes. These can include market prices, legal requirements, expert opinions, or mutually agreed-upon criteria. The video uses the example of dividing a cake to explain how using fair standards can help avoid disputes and ensure a fair outcome for both parties.

💡Mutual Gain

Mutual gain refers to the concept of finding solutions in negotiations that benefit both parties, rather than viewing the negotiation as a zero-sum game. The video provides the example of two kids fighting over an orange, where a mutual gain solution could have been discovered if the interests of each child were understood (one wanted the fruit, the other the peel).

💡BATNA

BATNA, which stands for 'Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement,' is a concept that refers to the best option a party has if the negotiation fails. The video explains that developing a BATNA can provide power in negotiations and help determine a minimally acceptable agreement, thus avoiding settling for less favorable terms.

💡Dirty Tactics

Dirty tactics are unethical or manipulative strategies used by some negotiators to gain an advantage. The video suggests recognizing and addressing these tactics directly, such as by pointing out when the other side is playing 'good cop, bad cop,' which can help neutralize their effectiveness.

💡Negotiation Jujitsu

Negotiation Jujitsu is a metaphor used in the video to describe the technique of using the opponent's force or tactics against them. It involves side-stepping attacks, understanding their interests, and inviting criticism to learn more about their perspective, thus turning a potentially negative situation into a more productive negotiation.

💡Relationship Building

Relationship building in negotiations refers to the process of establishing rapport and trust with the other party before or during the negotiation process. The video suggests that getting to know the other side can increase the success rate of negotiations by 25 to 30%, as it makes future interactions easier and more productive.

💡People vs. Problem

The video emphasizes the importance of separating the people from the problem in negotiations. It suggests treating people with respect and focusing on resolving the problem, rather than attacking the individuals involved. This approach helps maintain a positive relationship while still addressing the issues at hand.

💡Creative Solutions

Creative solutions in negotiations are innovative approaches that go beyond traditional compromise to meet the underlying interests of all parties involved. The video illustrates this with the example of the orange, where instead of a simple split, understanding the different interests of each child could have led to a solution where both got 100% of what they wanted.

Highlights

Negotiation is not about splitting things 50/50 or insisting on one's own way, but finding a solution that satisfies both parties without hurting the relationship.

The importance of focusing on interests rather than positions in negotiations, as illustrated by the window argument example in a library.

Using fair standards, such as market prices or legal requirements, to resolve conflicts instead of personal opinions.

Inventing options for mutual gain by brainstorming and considering the interests of all parties involved, as shown in the cake-sharing example.

Separating the people from the problem to maintain a good relationship while addressing the issue at hand.

The significance of understanding the underlying interests of the other side by asking 'why' and showing empathy.

The role of communication in making the other party feel understood and valued during negotiations.

How to turn interests into real options by considering what actions you would want the other side to take if they agreed with you.

The strategy of using objective criteria to decide on disputes, such as the cake example with fair division.

The benefits of focusing on fair standards to transform a clash of interests into a shared goal.

The creative process of inventing mutual gain solutions by brainstorming and considering the differences as a source of creativity.

The importance of being soft on the person but hard on the problem to avoid damaging relationships during negotiations.

How to deal with dirty tactics in negotiations by recognizing and addressing them directly without personal attacks.

The concept of BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement) and its impact on negotiation power.

Handling personal attacks in negotiations by using negotiation jujitsu to sidestep and understand the other party's interests.

The story of the frisbee in Hy Park to illustrate the collaborative nature of successful negotiations, rather than a focus on winning.

The practical application of the four-step framework for becoming an effective negotiator, as outlined in the book 'Getting to Yes'.

Transcripts

William Yuri and Roger fiser are the

founders of the Harvard negotiation

project they've written a book together

titled getting to yes I recently read

the book and want to share with you the

key lessons according to the book

negotiation isn't about splitting things

50/50 or insisting on your way or my way

it is definitely not about winning or

losing if you're asking who is winning

you've already lost so what is a

negotiation about then let me give you a

few examples and you'll see two men

argue in a library one wants the window

open for fresh air the other wants it

closed to avoid the wind blowing his

papers so what do you do do you leave it

half open a bit open or closed the

librarian listens to both and then goes

and opens the window in another room

bringing in fresh air without disturbing

the papers this leaves both sides happy

another example two people want to share

a cake but can't agree on how to divide

it fairly regardless of how you cut it

they will both complain that the other

side got a bigger piece so what do you

do well you ask one person to Cut the

Cake and the other chooses first since

the person cutting knows that the other

side picks first he will split it evenly

to avoid getting a smaller piece one

last example two kids argue over an

orange the parent takes the knife cuts

the orange 50/50 and gives each kid half

one kid eats the fruit and throws away

the peel while while the other uses the

peel to bake a cake and throws the fruit

into the trash if the parent had asked

why they wanted the orange both kids

could have gotten 100% of what they

wanted but they only got

50% as you can see from these examples

negotiation is about finding a solution

that leaves both sides happy without

hurting the relationship so how do you

do it how do you find those wise and

practical Solutions like the ones we

just saw here's a four-step framework

that will make you a M negotiator step

number one focus on interests not

positions remember the story about the

two men arguing over a window in the

library it illustrates a common problem

in negotiations where people focus too

much on their positions instead of

arguing about positions shift your focus

to interests the benefits of focusing on

interests are obvious but doing it can

be hard positions are clear and specific

interests might be hidden or vague so

how do you find the interests of the

other side simply ask why why do they

want what they want try to see things

from their point of view once you

discover their underlying interests talk

about them openly people listen better

if they feel understood they think those

who understand them are smart and kind

if you want them to listen to your

interests start by showing you care and

understand theirs of course you need to

communicate your interests as well the

other side might might not know them to

turn your interests into real options

ask yourself if they agree with me

tomorrow what do I want them to do step

number two use Fair standards no matter

how well you understand what the other

side wants conflicts will always pop up

you want lower rent but your landlord

wants it higher instead of arguing back

and forth use objective criteria to

decide recall the cake example when two

men couldn't share a cake having one man

divide it and the other choose first is

based on a fair standard objective

criteria are unbiased rules that don't

depend on personal opinions examples of

this can be market prices legal

requirements expert opinion or Fair

standards that you both agree on in

negotiation often people resist agreeing

because they feel like you're demanding

it but if you say let's check the rules

or regulations it shifts Focus from what

you want to what the rules say suddenly

it's not you demanding it but the rules

for example if your house Construction

contract doesn't specify How deep the

foundations should be and the contractor

suggests 2 feet while you think 5T is

the standard don't just compromise

instead say look Maybe I'm Wrong maybe 2

ft is enough does the government have

standard specifications for these soil

conditions what is the earthquake risk

here where do you suggest we look for

standard to resolve this

question here is how you can apply this

principle effectively before you start

figure out some Fair standards together

with the other side for example say you

want a high price and I want a low one

let's figure out what a fair price would

be what standards should we use by

focusing on Fair standards you can turn

a clash of interests into a shared goal

step number three invent options for

Mutual gain recall the example of the

kids fighting over an orange instead of

splitting at 50/50 they could have found

a way for both to get 100% of what they

wanted this scenario highlights the

importance of inventing options for

Mutual gain in

negotiations so how do you invent

Creative Solutions then here's how

simply get together with your side or

with the other side and brainstorm about

all the possible solutions let the ideas

flow freely don't judge or pick any of

the ideas in the first stage separate

the brainstorming from the collection

session for brainstorming choose a few

participants change the environment

design an informal atmosphere Define the

purpose after brainstorming start with

the most promising ideas then discuss

ways to improve them people often assume

differences in negotiation create

problems yet these differences can lead

to Solutions remember the orange example

A wise solution was possible because

each side wanted different parts of the

Orange it's absurd to think your

differences lead to the problem it's

actually the differences that lead to

Creative Solutions step number four

separate the people from the problem

before starting a negotiation visualize

a vertical line splitting a person down

the middle on one side is the person and

on the other side is the problem always

put the person first and the problem

second negotiators are people first your

goal in negotiation is to soft on the

person but hard on the problem often we

are soft on the person so we end up

being soft on the problem as well and we

don't get what we want or we're hard on

the problem but also end up being hard

on the person damaging the relationship

be soft on the person compliment

whenever you can and appreciate the

effort at every negotiation stage ask

yourself am I paying enough attention to

the people problem people have different

viewpoints they're egos are easily

threatened they see the world from their

perspective often confusing their

perceptions with reality they frequently

misinterpret your words and fail to

communicate their true intentions

remember you must deal not only with

their problems but also with your own

your anger and frustration can block

agreement as well your perceptions may

be one-sided and you might not be

listening or communicating effectively

one of the best ways to prevent people

problems is by building a relationship

with the other side before the

negotiation starts negotiating with

someone you know is easier than with a

stranger so arrive early to chat and

stay a bit afterward get to know their

likes and dislikes these informal

interactions make future negotiations a

lot easier multiple studies show that

simply getting to know the other side

increases the success rate by 25 to

30% okay now you might say all these

four steps sound fair and nice but what

if the other side isn't playing by Fair

rules what if they use dirty tactics

what if they are more powerful or what

if they attack me personally here's how

to deal with each of these situations

let's start with dirty tactics people

lie and use various pressure tactics

recognizing these tricks often

neutralizes them mention it directly Joe

it seems like you and Ted are playing

good cop and bad cop if you need a break

to get on the same page just ask

mentioning the tactic makes it less

effective and may make the other side

worry about losing you just raising a

question can be enough to end it however

be careful avoid personal attacks focus

on the problem not the person instead of

saying you put me facing the sun

deliberately say the sun of my eyes is

distracting can we adjust the schedule

and meet later I can't concentrate like

this

what if they are more powerful if the

other side has big guns don't turn the

negotiation into a gunfight the best

thing you can do is to develop your

batna best alternative to a negotiated

agreement think how you would feel

walking into a job interview with no

other offers think how difficult the

salary negotiation would go now contrast

that with how you would feel walking

into an interview with two other job

offers the difference is power the more

easily you can walk away from

negotiation the greater your power

developing your batna not only enables

you to determine what a minimally

acceptable agreement is it will probably

raise that minimum always develop your

Batum before negotiating don't say let's

negotiate first and see what happens

without batna you're negotiating

blindly what if they attack you

personally when they attack you instead

of the problem things get tough you want

a fair solution but they tear down your

ideas it's natural to defend yourself

but that leads nowhere you push they

push back and soon you're stuck so what

do you do use negotiation

Jujitsu sidestep their attacks here's

how one look behind their position when

they say what they want don't just say

yes or no ask why they want it

understand what is really important to

them two if they keep rejecting anything

you say then ask for their advice if you

were me what would you do they will put

themselves in your shoes and give you

the

solutions three invite criticism instead

of Defending Your Ideas ask them what's

wrong with them this will help you learn

about their interests I would like to

conclude this video with a great story

that explains what negotiation truly is

in 1964 an American father and his

12-year-old son were playing frisbee in

Hy Park London few people in England had

seen a frisbee before so a small crowd

gathered after a while a man approached

and asked sorry to bother you I've been

watching you for 15 minutes who's

winning in negotiations asking who's

winning is like asking that in a

marriage if you're focused on winning

you've missed the point the real goal is

working together and finding a solution

that satisfies both sides interests I

hope this was a useful video thanks for

watching thing