my RED FLAGS in a GUY by a Psychology student 🚩..how to spot a clown 101
Summary
TLDRIn this insightful video, the speaker humorously addresses 'red flags' in dating, focusing on subtle behaviors that may indicate a potential partner's lack of genuine interest or care. From memory of important details to offering solutions and respecting boundaries, the video provides a candid guide for viewers, particularly women, to identify and navigate early warning signs in relationships. The speaker also touches on broader issues such as misogyny, communication, and personal growth, urging viewers to be discerning and not settle for less than they deserve in a partner.
Takeaways
- 😀 The video discusses 'red flags' in potential romantic partners, focusing on subtle behaviors that may not be immediately obvious but could indicate problems in a relationship.
- 🔍 Remembering important details you share is a sign of someone who cares; if they don't, it may indicate a lack of interest or concern.
- 🛠 Look for a partner who offers solutions to problems, not just someone who lets you handle everything on your own.
- 💸 Be wary if a potential partner is overly interested in your financial status, as it could signal a competitive or gold-digging attitude.
- 🗣️ Communication is key; if they don't reciprocate in conversation or ask questions, it might mean they're not genuinely interested in getting to know you.
- 🚫 Respecting boundaries is crucial; if someone pushes yours, it could be a sign of disrespect that may extend to other areas of the relationship.
- 💔 Talking negatively about exes can be a red flag, suggesting unresolved issues or a pattern of failed relationships.
- 🌬️ Avoid those who play games or are inconsistent in their actions and words, as this could indicate immaturity or dishonesty.
- 🧐 Pay attention to how considerate a person is, as small acts of kindness and attentiveness can reflect their character in a relationship.
- 🤢 Bad hygiene is a major red flag and could be a sign of a lack of self-respect or consideration for others.
- 👩👦 If a man has a strained relationship with his mother or is overly dependent ('mamas boy'), it could lead to misogynistic attitudes or an inability to form healthy relationships.
Q & A
What is the main topic discussed in the video script?
-The main topic discussed in the video script is spotting red flags in men, particularly during the early stages of dating.
Why does the speaker choose to focus on women in the video?
-The speaker chooses to focus on women because they have a predominantly female audience, but they clarify that the red flags discussed can be applied to both men and women.
What is the first red flag mentioned in the script about a potential partner's behavior?
-The first red flag mentioned is whether the potential partner remembers things you say, especially if they are important.
Why is it a red flag if a man does not offer solutions when you have a problem?
-It is a red flag because it indicates that the man may not be willing to add value to your life or help you with issues, which is an important aspect of a supportive relationship.
What does the speaker suggest about a man who brags about finances but does not follow through?
-The speaker suggests that it is a red flag if a man brags about finances and future plans but does not follow through, as it may indicate dishonesty or a lack of commitment.
Why is it concerning if a man is overly interested in how much money a woman is earning?
-It is concerning because it may indicate that the man is insecure and wants to compete with the woman, which can lead to a toxic dynamic in the relationship.
What does the speaker mean by 'reciprocity in conversation' as a sign of interest?
-Reciprocity in conversation means that the potential partner is actively asking questions and showing interest in getting to know the other person, which is a sign of genuine interest and care.
What is a red flag if a man does not respect boundaries, such as not wanting to drink alcohol?
-A red flag is if a man does not respect boundaries and tries to persuade the other person to do something they are uncomfortable with, as it shows a lack of respect for the other person's wishes and autonomy.
Why is it a red flag if a man talks badly about his exes?
-It is a red flag because it may indicate that the man has unresolved issues with his past relationships or a tendency to speak negatively about others, which could be a sign of a negative attitude or inability to maintain healthy relationships.
What does the speaker suggest about a man who does not make plans?
-The speaker suggests that a man who does not make plans could be a red flag because it may indicate a lack of initiative or interest in contributing to the relationship, potentially leading to an imbalance of effort.
What is the speaker's advice on giving someone a chance in a relationship?
-The speaker advises not to give someone a chance if they do not already possess the qualities you are looking for in a partner, as it is easy to become attached and end up in a relationship with someone who may not be a good match.
Outlines
🔍 Spotting Red Flags in Relationships
The speaker introduces a discussion on red flags in men, based on personal and friends' experiences. They clarify that these are not obvious signs but subtle behaviors that may indicate a lack of care or compatibility. The first red flag is a man's inability to remember important things you say, which might suggest he doesn't care. The speaker also mentions looking for a partner who offers solutions to problems, rather than leaving you to handle them alone. They warn against those who only talk about finances without action, and those overly interested in a woman's earnings, which could indicate insecurity or competition. The importance of reciprocal conversation and respect for boundaries is also highlighted.
🚫 Recognizing Toxic Behaviors and Incompatibility
This paragraph delves into additional red flags such as a man talking negatively about his exes, which might indicate unresolved issues or a pattern of failed relationships. The speaker questions why someone would have many exes and suggests it could imply a problem in their approach to relationships. They also warn against people who gossip or speak ill of others, as they are likely to do the same about you. Other flags include playing games, showing a lack of consideration, poor hygiene, and having a strained relationship with their mother, which could lead to misogyny. The absence of close friends might signal an inability to maintain healthy relationships. The speaker emphasizes the importance of politeness and respect for all people, regardless of their social status.
🚷 Avoiding Manipulative and Disrespectful Behaviors
The final paragraph addresses more red flags, including love bombing, which is a manipulative tactic where someone showers another with affection and gifts in an attempt to form a quick attachment. The speaker advises caution with those who express 'I love you' too soon or constantly seek their partner's company, as this may indicate an inability to be alone. They also mention the importance of not tolerating disrespect, such as being interrupted during conversations, as it may persist throughout the relationship. The speaker concludes by urging viewers not to give chances to those who do not meet their standards, as it can lead to regret and feelings of foolishness. They express excitement about upcoming video projects and ask viewers to share their own red flags, while maintaining a respectful and inclusive comment section.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Red Flags
💡Clown
💡Reciprocation
💡Validation
💡Boundaries
💡Misogyny
💡Love Bombing
💡Change
💡Communication
💡Respect
💡Insecurity
Highlights
The video discusses red flags in men based on the creator's experiences and common experiences of friends.
Red flags are subtle behaviors that may not be immediately noticeable but can affect the relationship.
A man not remembering important things you say can indicate a lack of care or interest.
Offering solutions to problems is a sign of a supportive partner, as opposed to one who lets you handle everything alone.
Bragging about finances without action can be a red flag, especially for women earning more than their partner.
A man's interest in a woman's earnings can be a sign of insecurity or competition, which are red flags.
Reciprocating questions in a conversation is important; a lack of it may indicate disinterest or poor communication skills.
A partner should validate and show interest in what is important to you; a lack of validation is a red flag.
Respecting boundaries is crucial; if a partner pushes them, it can indicate a lack of respect.
Talking about exes unnecessarily can be a sign of unresolved issues or a lack of relevance to the current relationship.
Having many exes might suggest an inability to maintain a relationship, which is a red flag.
A partner who talks badly about others may also talk badly about you, indicating a negative perception.
Playing games in a relationship, especially after a certain age, is a sign of immaturity and a red flag.
Consideration in a relationship, such as noticing if you're cold, is important for a caring and attentive partner.
Bad hygiene is a major red flag and a sign of a lack of self-care and respect for others.
A man with a bad relationship with his mother or being a mama's boy can lead to misogyny.
Lack of close friends can indicate an inability to maintain good relationships, which is a red flag.
If a man doesn't make plans, it could be a sign of a passive personality that may lead to an imbalance in the relationship.
Being rude to service staff reflects on a person's character and can be a sign of a lack of respect for others.
Misogyny can be subtle but signs like interrupting and not letting you speak are red flags.
Frequent partying and getting drunk can indicate a lack of maturity and commitment to a relationship.
Love bombing is a manipulation tactic that can lead to quick attachment and potential toxicity.
A partner promising change early in the relationship may not follow through, which is a red flag.
It's important not to give someone a chance if they don't have the qualities you're looking for to avoid regret.
Transcripts
how do you spot a clown i'm a clown
hello ladies and genitals actually you
know what i'm not going to say genitals
this video hello ladies and gentlemen
and gays and non-binary today we're
going to be talking about my red flags
in men now the reason why i didn't want
to say genitals is because i got a damn
comment that was like oh you're making a
video on red flags you're like a
man-hater and i'm thinking dog i'm not
saying like if a man breathes here's a
red flag these are literal red flags
which like hear my explanations out
first of all before you judge secondly
they can be applied to both men and
women but because i have a
literal 90 female audience well i'm
going to cater towards women obviously
but this is part one because kathleen
and i have a lot of red flags and we
will make a part two when i'm in perth
so how do you spot a clown i'm a clown
[Music]
this is based on my experience and
common experiences i've had with my
friends these aren't like the obvious
red flags where you're like oh he
follows a lot of girls it's more like
when you first started dating
very subtle
behaviors that they do which you might
not even pick up but they would
definitely translate throughout the
relationship now this is my first one
does he remember things you say
especially if they're important if
they're like very minor things more
points to him but we're talking about
major things here if he doesn't remember
them he doesn't care now you might say
oh he's really busy like i'm sure like
throughout the relationship he'll care
more if a guy likes you to begin with he
will make an effort to remember these
things otherwise it might actually just
be like a characteristic of him where he
doesn't really care much about other
people obviously this is unique to every
single person so don't be in the
comments going my man we never drew this
not all men yeah obviously not all men
but this is just something to look out
for something me and my friends have
experienced okay it plays out little
subtle things like that now if you have
a problem does he offer a solution or
does he just let you handle it yourself
this is something to look out for super
important especially at the beginning
steve harvey even talked about this in a
video but but you don't want to be with
a man that literally just lets you
suffer alone you want someone to
actually add value to your life to help
you with things and sure you can't put
all your problems on them but if they're
like literally just letting you deal
with everything alone even if it's a
very masculine thing they can help with
like helping you move house they let you
deal with it alone
to bounce if he doesn't offer solutions
you gotta bounce you need someone that
actually helps you if he's all talk and
no action he's a freaking clown also a
lot of guys love to like brag about
finances and like the things they're
gonna do
a lot of the time it's absolute cap
don't believe anything until you see it
this is a huge one especially for my
ladies who are earning
more money than your man
if he is way too interested in how much
money you're earning that is a red flag
in my opinion you know maybe a gold
digger but not really he may just like
feel insecure and want to compete with
you masculine energy doesn't care about
how much money you're earning so if a
guy seeing you as competition that is a
huge red flag because you don't want
someone to compete with you you want
someone to help lift you up and likewise
you want to do the same for them and it
just gets a little toxic
if you're competing with each other
constantly
now i have to say when i talk to my man
this is one of the things i notice first
is he reciprocating the questions i'm
asking
how does he carry a conversation and you
see like so many tick tocks like why do
guys think talking to a girl like an
interview like they don't ask anything
back this is usually what it means
number one if he's not asking you
questions he probably doesn't like you
but i know men i've talked to men who
are really interested in you but they
just don't ask you any questions they
literally don't care about getting to
know you
so this can mean a number of things
number one he's genuinely just a bad
conversationalist number two he actually
is just not inquisitive not curious
doesn't really care about other people
number three he maybe just wants you for
your body
doesn't care about your mind or your
past or your future whatever number four
he genuinely just doesn't care and this
says actually ties to one of my other
points about caring if things that are
important to you they don't care about
red flag you want to feel validated in
your relationship especially early on
like can they not fake it a little bit
as well you always want to validate
someone else's interests and things that
are important to them so if they're not
doing it huge red flag if they push your
boundaries
you're like i don't want to sleep with
you and they try to get you to do it
that's an extreme but it will happen in
like more subtle ways like maybe you go
on a drink i don't want to drink i don't
want to drink alcohol i'm like no no i
just have one treat just have one drink
you may see it as like a light-hearted
thing like oh okay i'll just have a
drink but he right there and there
didn't respect your boundary
you best believe it's going to happen in
other areas as well you know how i know
i'm a clown been there done that [ __ ]
all of these been there done that here
are some more like generic things i also
look out for if he talks about his exes
why are you talking about them like are
you not over them
don't bring up an x unless it's actually
relevant to the topic like if i'm
talking to someone i will not bring up
my ex unless it's relevant to the topic
and even then i don't want to bring it
up because i don't want them to think
that i'm thinking about them if they
have a lot of x's
why do they have a lot of x's why can't
they keep a relationship and i had one
rebuttal to this that was like someone
remember like some people just date a
lot of people you can date people sure
while you're dating that person you can
figure out if they're like the right
match for you so these people are
actually getting into whole ass
relationships there's something wrong
there like how did you not suss it out
during the dating stage i highly doubt
you met 15 people that you think you're
matching with
there's something not quite right there
i can't remember if i've said this
already but if he keeps on saying things
and they're not happening come third
time he says something not happening you
best believe he's a clown if he talks
[ __ ] about his exes or he talks [ __ ]
about other people in general this is
like something i look out for in
everyone actually not just within the
dating world but
you don't want to be with someone that
talks badly about other people because
they will talk badly about you they also
have a very negative perception on other
people then you don't want to be with
someone like that
also if he's saying his exes are crazy
are you sure you're not the problem like
i'm maybe you've had like a one or two
crazy exits but all of them a lot of the
time i really think it's the guy driving
the girl crazy like i know some crazy
girls but
i also know some girls who are very
level-headed
excellent high-value women and their
answers drove them
crazy if he plays games with you
if you're in high school whatever but
once you hit 18
20. once you hit 20 this man's playing
games with you go on
get out of there you also want to look
out for like how considerate they are
with you like if you're walking and it's
cold will he notice that
you want someone to like notice things
trust me like if you're constantly
bringing up everything in a relationship
it can get really really tiring and it's
nice for someone to just be considerate
and caring towards you if you notice you
have goose bumps you don't have to say
oh i'm cold he notices you're cold
he realizes you haven't eaten today such
like basic things like that bad hygiene
huge freaking red flag
need i say let's need i say less
kathleen and i can get into this in a a
whole video mama's boy or he has a bad
relationship with his mom both lead to
misogyny usually if he hasn't worked
through that trauma if he doesn't have
any close friends same with girls like
like i said you guys a lot of these can
have been applied to women as well and
even in the friendship arena if they
don't have close friends why don't you
have close friends are you unable to
have good relationships with people
what's going on here if a guy doesn't
make plans i can kind of see that as a
red flag because it makes me wonder if
throughout the rest of the relationship
am i going to be the one initiating
making plans i'm not talking gender
norms here we're just in general talking
about what they're like as a person
like we all have that friend that goes
out she makes all the plans so he makes
all the plans he's got the itinerary and
then we have the other friends that kind
of just come along for the ride
you don't want to be with someone that
comes along for the ride because you're
going to be doing a lot of work in the
relationship but if you like that then
sure
sure like i said this doesn't apply to
everyone don't [ __ ] leave a comment
going my man would never do this i don't
care
this is a general thing okay is road to
the waiter i notice this and everyone if
you're rude to the waiter you're done
you're done
i don't care if you haven't had customer
service experience
you be polite to everyone especially if
they're like a little well-off see how
they treat the people below them
misogynistic undertone need i say less i
will get into this with kathleen but
misogyny sometimes it really goes under
the radar
i feel like i can spot it pretty well
now
but if he interrupts you and he doesn't
let you speak
you best believe it will happen
throughout the rest of the relationship
he may not respect you or your opinion
he doesn't want to hear it he just wants
to talk about himself parties a lot and
gets drunk every weekend need i say less
i think if you're like a college kid
it's fine
like very very early 20s but at some
point
men and women need to get out of the
party stage love bombing love bombing
especially at the beginning of the
relationship manipulation tactic also
it's the people who love bomb that get
attached so quickly that it fizzles out
just as fast and it can turn incredibly
toxic so be careful for people who love
bomb because they are probably also
looking for something outside of
themselves i bet you they can't be alone
which is why that is constantly waiting
for someone saying i love you really
quickly bombarding with gifts affection
he wants to be with you like non-stop
you might think this is like pure true
love
it's
all the oxytocin and the dopamine going
crazy in your brain that's it if the eye
will change starts happening really
early in the relationship you need to
dip the change won't happen
i've fallen for it we've all fallen for
it at one point
but the change doesn't happen he will
not respect you she will not respect you
if you stay because they're basically
like subconsciously with a mortal over
them they will stay it's like the boy
cried wolf type of thing you know and
lastly something i want to say
is don't give someone a chance if they
are not
what you're looking for because it is so
easy to fall for someone and get
attached to them and get attached to the
wrong person like i was talking with my
friend about this today girls especially
we get attached through closeness
good conversation comfortability if you
if they don't have the qualities you
want like you're literally [ __ ]
because
it is easy to get
very attached to somebody and you don't
want to end up in a relationship with
someone that you gave a chance to you
knew they were a clown you thought they
were going to change because those are
the worst it makes you feel like
so stupid a trillion times worse
only give someone a chance if they have
what you're looking for okay also you
guys i'm going back to perth
in literally five days so i can't wait
to film so many fun videos with kathleen
then the past like two months i've said
this so many times but i just haven't
really been like into doing youtube i've
been focused on other things but i'm
very ready to start making fun videos
again anyway let me know what your red
flags are in a woman or a man
no misogyny no misandry allowed in the
comment section seriously if i get any
comments
you're done
by getting negative comments get on we
know it doesn't apply to everyone we
[ __ ] know everyone's different
general reading okay remember if this is
a tarot reading take what resonates
leave what doesn't if it's meant for you
you will get it if it's not
leave it alone period okay
i hope you have a great rest of your day
i love you guys go follow me on
instagram goodbye
the world would be a better place to
live
[Music]
my kindness for weakness
i know that but jesus cannot grow just
to the
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