The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works) | Mel Robbins

Summary

In this insightful script, Mel Robbins addresses the reality of fear and its impact on life's experiences. She debunks the myth that fear isn't real, explaining that fear and excitement are physiologically identical, differing only in perception. Robbins introduces her '5-Second Rule' and 'anchor thought' techniques to reframe fear into excitement, sharing personal anecdotes and success stories to demonstrate their effectiveness. Her approach empowers individuals to take control of their thoughts and actions, transforming fear into a catalyst for achievement.

Takeaways

• 😨 Fear is a very real and limiting emotion that can prevent individuals from experiencing life fully.
• 🏃‍♂️ Fear and excitement are physically identical states in the body, differing only in the brain's interpretation.
• 🧠 The brain's response to a situation determines whether the physical state is perceived as fear or excitement.
• 🚫 Traditional advice like 'feel the fear and do it anyway' or 'think positive thoughts' is ineffective in overcoming fear.
• 🔄 Ignoring or suppressing fear can actually intensify it, as can relying solely on positive thinking.
• ⏱️ The '5-Second Rule' is introduced as a strategy to combat fear by reframing it into excitement.
• 🔗 An 'anchor thought' is a specific, contextually relevant thought used to anchor oneself during moments of fear.
• 🤔 The process of counting 5-4-3-2-1 activates the prefrontal cortex, interrupting fear and allowing for control.
• 🎯 After using the 5-Second Rule, the anchor thought is employed to reframe the mind from agitation to excitement.
• 🛫 The technique has been successfully used to overcome various fears, including fear of flying and public speaking.
• 💪 Fear is controllable through the conscious decision of what to think and how to act, empowering individuals to face their fears.

Q & A

What is the main argument presented in the script about fear?

The script argues that fear is a very real and physical experience that can limit one's life experiences, but it can be managed and transformed into excitement using specific techniques.

Why do the physical symptoms of fear and excitement feel the same?

The physical symptoms of fear and excitement are the same because both states activate the body's 'fight or flight' response, leading to increased heart rate, sweating, and a heightened state of awareness.

What is the key difference between fear and excitement according to the script?

The key difference between fear and excitement is the interpretation by the brain. While the body reacts similarly, fear is perceived as a threat, whereas excitement is seen as a positive anticipation.

Why does the script suggest that trying to calm down or think positive thoughts alone may not work to overcome fear?

The script suggests that trying to calm down or think positive thoughts alone may not work because fear creates a state of high arousal that is difficult to counteract with low arousal activities like calming down, and research shows that ignoring or suppressing fear can actually intensify it.

What is the '5-second rule' mentioned in the script and how is it used to overcome fear?

The '5-second rule' is a technique where one counts down from 5 to 1 to interrupt the fear response and awaken the prefrontal cortex, allowing for control over thoughts and actions. It is used in conjunction with an 'anchor thought' to reframe the fear into excitement.

What is an 'anchor thought' and how does it help in managing fear?

An 'anchor thought' is a specific, positive thought related to the situation that one is afraid of, which serves as a mental anchor to maintain control over thoughts and actions. It helps in managing fear by providing a positive context that the brain can associate with the situation, thus reframing the fear into excitement.

Can you give an example of how the speaker uses the '5-second rule' and an 'anchor thought' before going on stage?

The speaker uses the '5-second rule' by counting down from 5 to 1 to interrupt the fear of going on stage in front of 7,000 people. The 'anchor thought' is the excitement of sharing the '5-second rule' with the audience, which helps reframe the nerves into excitement.

How does the script suggest dealing with the fear of flying?

The script suggests dealing with the fear of flying by creating an 'anchor thought' related to the trip, such as a happy memory associated with the destination. Then, using the '5-second rule' during moments of turbulence to reframe the fear into excitement.

What is the significance of the '5 4 3 2 1' counting method in the context of the script?

The '5 4 3 2 1' counting method is a part of the '5-second rule' that helps to interrupt the fear response and refocus the mind on an 'anchor thought'. It is a tool to switch gears in the mind and assert control over thoughts during moments of fear.

How can the techniques discussed in the script be applied to other areas of life besides public speaking and flying?

The techniques can be applied to any situation where fear is a limiting factor. Whether it's asking for a raise, starting a business, or approaching someone attractive, the '5-second rule' and 'anchor thought' can be used to reframe fear into excitement and take control of the situation.

What is the final call to action for the audience in the script?

The final call to action is for the audience to use the '5-second rule' and 'anchor thought' technique to overcome their fears, celebrate their successes using the hashtag #5c rule, and reach out for advice or questions to [email protected].

Outlines

00:00

😨 Understanding Fear and How It Holds Us Back

The speaker begins by addressing the misconception that fear isn't real, arguing that fear indeed exists and impacts various aspects of our lives, from travel to public speaking and business ventures. They emphasize how fear prevents us from experiencing life fully and introduce the idea that fear and excitement are physically identical states in the body. The difference lies in how the brain interprets these states. The speaker then highlights the importance of using this knowledge to our advantage and promises to share a secret weapon to overcome fear.

05:02

🎤 Transforming Nerves into Excitement Before a Speech

The speaker takes us backstage before a speech to demonstrate how they use the same strategy they are about to teach. They describe their physical state—racing heart and sweating—which mirrors both fear and excitement. By telling themselves they are excited, they redirect their brain's interpretation of these physical cues. This reframe helps them manage their nerves and perform confidently. The technique is scientifically backed and involves replacing fear-driven thoughts with excitement-driven ones, preparing the mind for positive outcomes.

10:03

✈️ Conquering the Fear of Flying with an Anchor Thought

To further illustrate the technique, the speaker shares their personal experience with overcoming the fear of flying. They explain the concept of an anchor thought—a positive, related image or memory that helps ground them in moments of fear. By combining the 5-second rule with an anchor thought, the speaker interrupts fear and replaces it with excitement. This method transforms their flying experience, making it manageable and even enjoyable. The speaker encourages listeners to apply this strategy in various fearful situations.

🏆 Real-Life Success Stories Using the 5-Second Rule

The speaker shares testimonials from others who have successfully used the 5-second rule and anchor thoughts to conquer their fears. Dana, who previously feared flying, remained calm during flights. Sarah, who was terrified of flying, enjoyed a helicopter tour in Hawaii. Carol overcame her fear of public speaking to give a speech to her nursing colleagues. The speaker reiterates that while fear is inevitable, our response to it can be controlled. By using the 5-second rule and anchor thoughts, we can reframe fear into excitement and take control of our actions.

Keywords

💡Fear

Fear is an emotional response to a perceived threat or danger, characterized by physical and psychological symptoms such as a racing heart, sweating, and anxiety. In the video, fear is presented as a real and tangible force that can limit personal experiences and opportunities, such as traveling, public speaking, and career advancement. The script emphasizes that fear, while real, can be managed and overcome.

💡Excitement

Excitement is a positive emotional state often associated with anticipation or enthusiasm for an upcoming event or experience. The video script highlights that excitement shares the same physical state as fear, but the difference lies in the interpretation by the brain. Excitement is framed as a constructive way to channel the arousal state that fear also induces.

💡Physical State

The term 'physical state' in the video refers to the bodily reactions that accompany emotions like fear and excitement. These can include a racing heart, sweating, and a sense of hyper-awareness. The script explains that the physical manifestations are identical for both fear and excitement, differing only in the cognitive interpretation.

💡Arousal

Arousal, in the context of the video, is the heightened state of alertness and physiological activation that occurs in response to stimuli. It is mentioned as a common element in both fear and excitement, where the body is 'amped up' and ready for action, but the interpretation of this arousal state determines whether it is experienced as fear or excitement.

💡5-Second Rule

The '5-Second Rule' is a technique introduced in the video as a method to combat fear by interrupting the automatic response and re-framing it into excitement. It involves counting down from 5 to 1 to awaken the prefrontal cortex and assert control over one's thoughts, thereby switching the mental state from fear to excitement.

💡Anchor Thought

An 'anchor thought' is a specific thought or image used to maintain control and prevent escalation into panic or fear. It is a cognitive tool that helps to reframe the emotional response from fear to excitement by providing a positive and contextually relevant focus. The script gives examples of using anchor thoughts to manage fear of flying and public speaking.

💡Public Speaking

Public speaking is the act of addressing an audience and is often cited as a common fear due to the potential for judgment and exposure. The video uses public speaking as an example of a situation where fear can be a limiting factor, but also where the application of the 5-Second Rule and anchor thoughts can transform fear into excitement and enable successful communication.

💡Turbulence

Turbulence, in the context of the video, refers to the颠簸 or instability experienced during air travel, which can trigger fear, especially in those with a fear of flying. The script describes how using the 5-Second Rule and an anchor thought can help manage the fear response during turbulence by refocusing the mind on positive anticipation.

💡Control

Control, in the video, is the ability to manage and direct one's thoughts and actions, especially in the face of fear. It is emphasized that while one cannot control the initial feelings of fear, they can control their response to it through techniques like the 5-Second Rule and anchor thoughts, thereby gaining control over the situation.

💡Prefrontal Cortex

The prefrontal cortex is a part of the brain involved in higher cognitive functions such as decision-making and self-regulation. The video script mentions awakening the prefrontal cortex as part of the 5-Second Rule process, suggesting that this activation helps in taking control of one's thoughts and emotions during moments of fear.

💡Bucket List

A 'bucket list' refers to a list of experiences or achievements that a person wants to accomplish in their lifetime. The video uses the concept of a bucket list to illustrate the transformative power of overcoming fear, as exemplified by a person who conquered their fear of public speaking to achieve a life goal.

Highlights

Fear is a very real and limiting factor in people's lives, affecting relationships, work, and personal growth.

Fear and excitement are physically identical states in the body, distinguished only by the brain's interpretation.

The physical symptoms of fear include a racing heart, sweating, and a heightened sense of awareness.

The difference between fear and excitement lies in the brain's response to the body's state of arousal.

Traditional advice like 'Feel the fear and do it anyway' or 'think positive thoughts' is ineffective in overcoming fear.

Ignoring fears or using positive thinking alone can actually exacerbate the fear response.

The speaker introduces the '5-Second Rule' as a secret weapon to beat fear, combining it with an anchor thought.

The 5-Second Rule is a technique to reframe the mind from agitation to excitement, using a count down to awaken the prefrontal cortex.

An anchor thought is a contextual image or idea that helps maintain control and reframe fear into excitement.

The technique has been used by the speaker for years to transform high-stress situations into opportunities for excitement.

The speaker shares personal backstage moments to demonstrate the application of the 5-Second Rule before a major speech.

Individuals have reported success in overcoming their fears of flying and public speaking using the 5-Second Rule and anchor thoughts.

The technique can help individuals feel calm during activities they previously feared, such as flying or public speaking.

The power of reframing fear into excitement lies in the brain's ability to reinterpret physical sensations.

The speaker encourages the use of the #5SecondRule on social media to celebrate successes in overcoming fear.

Fear is controllable through conscious thought and action, despite the body's physiological responses.

The speaker offers ongoing support and advice for those looking to conquer their fears through her website.

Transcripts

you know I've heard a lot of experts say

that fear isn't real that is such a

bunch of baloney fear is so real in fact

there are probably things that you're

afraid of doing right now in your life

in your relationships and work and the

fact that you're afraid that's robbing

you of all of the experiences that you

want to have in your life I mean if

you're afraid to fly that's going to

limit your ability to travel and see the

world or go visit friends if you're

afraid of public speaking that's going

to really limit your ability to express

yourself and share your ideas if if

you're afraid of talking to your boss or

asking for a raise that directly impacts

how much money you make or what if you

are dreaming of starting a business or

you've already started a new business

but you're afraid to talk to people and

you're afraid to share your business

with people I mean fear is something

that stops us all and that's why I'm

here to talk to you because it doesn't

have to fear is real but I am going to

share a secret weapon that I have used

for years to beat every single fear that

used to stop me now first before we get

into this secret weapon I just want to

cover a few facts about fear What It Is

What It Isn't and some things that you

may may not know about fear so first

thing fear is a physical state in your

body that is exactly the same as

excitement let me say that again fear

and excitement are the exact same

physical state your heart races you

might sweat a little bit you might feel

tightening in your chest you might feel

a pit in your stomach uh you have a

surge of cortisol it's basically the way

that your body goes into a hyperaware

State because it's readying for Action

Now what's the difference between fear

and excitement really simple the only

difference between fear and excitement

is what your brain is doing as your body

is all agitated if you're excited your

brain's going oh wow this is going to be

so cool to ride this roller coaster if

you're afraid your brain's going oh no

way there's no way I'm doing that this

is dangerous get out of there don't do

that it's saying something different so

what's critical about understanding this

is that we're going to use the fact that

your mind is either working for you for

excitement or against you with fear to

your advantage and I'll tell you about

it in just a minute how you're going to

do that second thing I want you to

understand is that you may have heard

the advice Feel the fear and do it

anyway you may have heard the advice oh

just try to calm down think positive

thoughts

it doesn't work does it and there's a

reason why it doesn't work so let's go

back to fact number one when you're

afraid your body is in a state of

arousal and agitation and your heart is

racing and you're all like amped up and

you're hyper aware of what's going on

and you're freaking out a little bit

what is it like when you're

calm you just kind of chill right you

got like this low arousal State very

very difficult to go from a state of

agitation of being all jacked up and

excited and weirded out and to

a kind of state it doesn't work it's

like trying to stop a train by throwing

a boulder on the tracks it's going to

make the train jump off the tracks it's

going to cause a disaster in fact

they've proven in research that when you

try to ignore your fears it actually

makes them worse and they've also proven

in research that positive thinking alone

also can make your fears wor worse so

what do you do what do do you do when

you're about to go talk to your boss and

you feel afraid what do you do when you

have to get on a plane and you're

actually terrified of flying what do you

do if you got to give a presentation and

you are afraid of public speaking here's

what you're going to do you're going to

use a strategy the same one that I use

that has helped me beat every single

fear and turned me into somebody that is

terrific when it comes to a high stress

situation this is how you do it you're

going to use my 5-second rule in

combination with what I call an anchor

thought and that is going to

reframe what your mind is doing so that

your mind goes from feeling agitation

and making you afraid to reframing it

from agitation to excitement it works

like magic now I have used this

technique for years literally for years

and one of the ways that I want to

introduce you to it is I want to take

you backstage I want to take you back

stage to a speech that I delivered this

year and what you're going to see is

you're going to see me behind you know

the major set I'm about to walk out you

can kind of hear the crowd roaring my

introductory video is playing my body is

in a state of arousal I am literally my

heart is racing my arms are sweating

like it's like you're going to see this

I'm going to tell you about it and

you're going to watch me use this same

technique I'm going to teach you to

reframe my nerves into excitement check

this out all right I'm about to go on

stage there are 7,000 people out there

and it's so exciting because what they

don't know is they're about to learn the

5-second rule and their lives will never

be the same again now I got to tell you

my heart is racing um my armpits are

sweating I have the exact same

physiological feeling as when I'm afraid

but I'm not afraid I'm excited

excitement and fear is the exact same

thing in your body it's just what your

brain calls it here's a trick that's

proven by science that I use every time

I speak when I start to sweat when I

start to have butterflies when I start

to have my heart race I say I'm excited

I'm excited to get out there I'm excited

to talk to these people I'm excited to

share the 5-sec rule and what that does

is it sends a message to my brain that

tells my brain why my body's all

agitated and excited and that way I

don't feel afraid remember excitement

and fear exact same thing in your body

the only difference is what your brain

calls it that's why you want those go

get now I want to give you one more

example just to make sure that you

really get how you can use this so a lot

of you have written to me about your

fear of flying and I can really relate

to that fear because I used to have the

exact same fear but I use this same

strategy to conquer it here's how you're

going to do it so first things first if

you've got to do something that really

makes you nervous or that you're afraid

to do before you're about to do it come

up with an anchor thought what's an

anchor thought well an anchor thought is

something that's going to Anchor you so

that you don't escalate any situation

into a full-blown panic attack or into a

situation where you screw things up it's

a way for you to Anchor yourself so you

maintain control over what you're

thinking and how you behave so here's an

example with flying it's important when

you're creating an anchor thought to

pick something that is in the proper

context of what you're afraid to do so

for flying pick an anchor thought that

has to do with the trip that you're

taking so if I'm boarding a plane to fly

back home to Michigan an anchor thought

might be a picture in my mind of my mom

and I walking on the shores of Lake

Michigan where I grew up that's a

thought that makes me happy it makes me

excited and it's also related to the

trip that I'm taking if you have a

conversation that you need to have with

your boss pick an anchor thought about

how you feel after having that

conversation maybe it's you picking up

the phone and calling somebody that you

you love and saying oh my gosh it went

so well or you know you walking out of

the meeting and feeling like yeah I

survived that conversation I feel pretty

good about myself so now that you have

your anchor thought you're ready to beat

the

fear how you're going to do it is this

so let's go back back to the example of

the plane I'm on the plane I'm flying to

Michigan we hit

turbulence my body's going to start

getting agitated right I'm starting to

get nervous my heart starts to race one

of two things can happen I can't control

how my body might feel but I can always

always control what I'm thinking about

and I can always control how I act and

so can you so when I'm on a plane and

the turbulence hits 5 43 2 1 that's step

one and it's essential and the reason

why using the 5c Rule 5 4 3 2 1 is

essential is because that is how you

switch the gears in your mind you awaken

your prefrontal cortex and you trigger

your brain that you're now in control of

your thoughts you've interrupted the

fear you've settled your thoughts and

now your brain is ready for that anchor

thought so then what I do after I go 54

3 2 1 is I insert the anchor thought

that I've already come up with before

the flight I start thinking about

walking on the beach and being with my

mom and my dad and I start telling

myself I'm so excited to walk on the

shores of Lake Michigan I'm so excited

to see my parents now something

remarkable is going to happen in your

brain because you've interrupted the

fear and because you've used the

5-second rule to assert control and

awaken your prefrontal cortex and

because you have an image that

contextually makes sense to your brain

because you're flying to Michigan you

know your brain does your brain goes

huh Mel's excited to go to Michigan

because my body is in a state remember

the first fact fear and excitement exact

same thing what's the difference between

fear and excitement what your brain is

saying using the 5-second rule and an

anchor thought you can actually switch

the gears in your mind and reframe the

thoughts of fear into thoughts of

excitement and because you have a vision

that makes sense based on what you're

doing your brain buys it you just

tricked your brain now Dana used this

technique she says she's never been so

calm when she's been flying and Sarah

used it too now Sarah wrote to she was

petrified of flying but utilizing the

5-sec rule and 54321 with an anchor

thought check out this photo of her on a

helicopter tour in Hawaii Not only was

the tour amazing but here's what's

really amazing if fear stops

you this will change your life and for

those of you that are afraid of public

speaking check out this photo of Carol

she also had a fear of public speaking

and by using this technique that I've

just explained to you 5-sec rule anchor

thought reframe your thoughts from Fear

to excitement something incredible

happened she was able to beat her fear

and give a speech to her nursing

colleagues and that was something that

was a life goal and also something she

checked off her bucket list

fear is real you can't control the

feelings that are going to rise up in

your body when you're on a plane or when

you're talking to your boss or when you

see somebody that's attractive and you

you really want to go over and and talk

to that person but you can always

control what you think and you can

always make a decision about the actions

you're going to take so the next time

you feel afraid

54321 go to to that anchor thought tell

yourself you're excited and that my

friend is the power of how you beat fear

in 5 seconds flat and don't forget I'm

here to help you however I can make sure

you celebrate your successes on social

media using the #5c rule tag me and if

you ever have a question or you need

advice you can always reach us at hello

melrobbins.com