this has all gone way too far

Summary

In this emotional video, the creator addresses the overwhelming impact of recent events and the spread of misinformation online. They discuss the difference between harmless gossip and damaging defamation, and express their fear and regret over past actions that contributed to negativity. The creator reveals the truth about a past relationship, 'Valentine,' who was real and had a wife, contrary to audience speculation. They express a desire to break free from the negativity and consider stepping back from YouTube, reflecting on the personal growth and the toll the online environment has taken on their mental health.

Takeaways

• 😔 The speaker is feeling overwhelmed by recent events and feels misunderstood regarding legal terms like slander and defamation.
• 🗣️ They express frustration with people not understanding the difference between gossip and outright defamation.
• 🚫 The speaker has decided to address the situation despite their initial reluctance to do so, due to fear and the potential repercussions.
• 💔 They feel a sense of regret for past actions, particularly during their early YouTube career, and the negative impact it has had on their current life.
• 😢 The speaker is struggling with emotional distress, feeling triggered and upset by the current state of their online presence and community reactions.
• 🤔 There is a contemplation of stepping back from YouTube, which is causing fear and uncertainty about the future.
• 🔒 The speaker feels trapped in a negative cycle that is difficult to escape, despite efforts to change and grow.
• 👥 They mention a past relationship with someone named Erica, who was misrepresented as 'Valentine', and the emotional toll that has taken.
• 📈 The speaker acknowledges their struggle with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and how it intensifies their emotional experiences.
• 🏠 Moving to Oklahoma and living alone was initially a positive change, but the speaker now feels they are regressing.
• 🤯 The speaker is at a loss and feels unheard, with the situation taking a significant emotional toll, leading to a potential breaking point.

Q & A

What is the main concern expressed by the speaker in the video script?

The speaker is overwhelmed by the recent events and feels that they are being defamed and slandered, which is affecting their personal and professional life.

Why does the speaker feel that they are being defamed and slandered?

The speaker believes that people are spreading false stories about them, which they consider to be defamation, and they feel misunderstood and misrepresented.

What does the speaker plan to do to prove their innocence?

The speaker intends to reveal screenshots and other evidence to prove that they are not lying about the situation.

How has the speaker's past behavior as a 'troll' affected their current situation?

The speaker regrets their past behavior and believes it has contributed to the negative attention they are receiving now, as people may be less inclined to believe them.

What impact has the situation had on the speaker's desire to continue with YouTube?

The situation has made the speaker consider stepping back from YouTube, as they feel it is ruining their life and they are no longer enjoying it.

What is the significance of the name 'Valentine' in the script?

Valentine is a person the speaker was involved with, and they clarify that Valentine is real and not a fabrication for entertainment, as some people believed.

Why does the speaker feel that their audience and the reaction channels are not changing with them?

The speaker feels stuck in a negative space and believes that their audience and reaction channels are not evolving with them, which is causing them distress.

What is the speaker's struggle with BPD and how does it relate to their current situation?

The speaker has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), which can cause intense emotions and relationships to consume them. This struggle is exacerbated by the current situation, making them feel overwhelmed.

How does the speaker describe the impact of the situation on their personal growth and happiness?

The speaker feels that they are losing sight of the positive person they tried to be, especially after moving to Oklahoma, and the situation is causing them to backtrack on their personal growth.

What is the speaker's view on the role of reaction channels and haters in their life?

The speaker believes that reaction channels and haters are only interested in creating drama and fake stories for views and money, without caring about the real-life consequences for them.

What is the speaker's final stance on the situation and their future actions?

The speaker is hurt, lost, and confused, and they are considering drastic changes in their life, such as stepping away from YouTube, but they are also determined to prove the truth about the situation.

Outlines

00:00

😔 Overwhelmed by Accusations and YouTube's Impact

The speaker begins by expressing their emotional turmoil due to recent events, feeling overwhelmed by the amount of content they have to process and respond to. They address the misuse of legal terms like 'slander' and 'defamation', and assert that they have been a victim of such actions. The speaker admits to past behavior that invited negativity and regrets it, reflecting on their growth and the challenges they face in changing their image on YouTube. They express fear and a sense of being trapped in a negative space, considering stepping away from YouTube due to the impact it has had on their life. The speaker also discusses their relationship with a person named Erica, revealing that Erica had a wife, and they provide evidence to dispel rumors about the authenticity of their past relationships.

05:00

😖 Struggling with Public Perception and Personal Growth

In this paragraph, the speaker continues to express their struggle with the public's perception of them and the impact it has had on their content creation. They mention feeling criticized for the lack of excitement in their videos and their perceived lack of effort, attributing this to personal issues. The speaker talks about their move to Oklahoma and the changes they experienced, both positive and negative. They express concern over losing their positive outlook on life and the pressure they feel from the audience and reaction channels. The speaker also discusses their struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), which amplifies their emotional responses, and their frustration with the lack of understanding from others. They conclude by emphasizing the real-life consequences of online actions and the need for empathy and understanding.

Keywords

💡Slander

Slander refers to the act of making false statements about someone that can damage their reputation. In the video, the speaker mentions 'slander' in the context of people making false accusations and spreading lies about them, which is a central issue they are addressing. The term is used to emphasize the severity of the situation and the emotional impact it has had on the speaker.

💡Defamation

Defamation is a legal term that encompasses both slander (spoken defamation) and libel (written defamation). The speaker uses 'defamation' to describe the broader issue of false statements being made about them, which could potentially have legal implications. It is tied to the theme of the video as the speaker is grappling with the consequences of these false statements on their personal and professional life.

💡Gossiping

Gossiping is the act of casually or maliciously talking about other people's private affairs. The video script contrasts gossiping with defamation, indicating that while gossip might be hurtful, it is the outright lies and defamation that the speaker finds particularly distressing. The term is used to highlight the difference between minor talk and serious harm caused by false accusations.

💡YouTube

YouTube is a video-sharing platform where users can upload, share, and view content. In the script, the speaker mentions YouTube as the platform where these issues are unfolding, affecting their life and career. The term is integral to the video's theme as it represents the environment in which the speaker is experiencing the challenges they discuss.

💡BPD

BPD stands for Borderline Personality Disorder, a mental health condition characterized by unstable moods, behavior, and relationships. The speaker discloses their struggle with BPD, which adds a layer of complexity to their emotional response to the situation. The term is used to provide context for the speaker's intense feelings and reactions throughout the video.

💡Valentine

Valentine appears to be a significant figure in the speaker's narrative, who was previously thought to be fake by the audience. The speaker clarifies that Valentine was real and provides evidence to counter the rumors, showing the impact of public scrutiny on their personal relationships.

💡Anxiety

Anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. The speaker mentions experiencing anxiety about revealing certain truths, which is tied to the overarching theme of the video as they navigate the emotional turmoil caused by public misconceptions and accusations.

💡Amberland

Amberland seems to be a term used by the speaker to describe a negative space or environment they feel trapped in. It represents the speaker's struggle with the consequences of their past actions and the current backlash they are facing, which is a central theme of the video.

💡Reaction Channels

Reaction channels are YouTube channels that focus on creators reacting to various forms of content. The speaker expresses frustration with these channels, suggesting that they contribute to the drama and misinformation surrounding their life, which is a significant aspect of the challenges they face in the video.

💡Haters

Haters refer to individuals who express dislike or contempt, often without constructive criticism. The speaker acknowledges the role of haters in amplifying the negative aspects of their situation, contributing to the overall distress they are experiencing.

💡Proof

Proof in this context refers to evidence or validation of the speaker's claims. The speaker is determined to provide proof to counter the lies and accusations, showing their commitment to truth and their desire to clear their name, which is a key point in the video's narrative.

Highlights

The speaker expresses feeling overwhelmed by recent events and the misuse of legal terms like slander and defamation.

A distinction is made between gossiping and outright defamation, which involves making up false stories.

The speaker admits to previously engaging in trolling behavior and now regrets this aspect of their past.

A personal struggle with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) is mentioned, affecting the speaker's relationships and emotions.

The speaker feels that YouTube and the community's actions are negatively impacting their life and considering stepping back.

A fear of discussing personal matters publicly is expressed due to potential backlash and anxiety.

The speaker clarifies that 'Valentine' is not fake and is a real person named Erica, who had a wife.

Screenshots are promised as proof to counter the disbelief surrounding the existence and identity of 'Valentine'.

The speaker's emotional turmoil and the impact of the community's skepticism on their mental health are highlighted.

A reflection on past behavior and a desire to break away from a negative online persona is expressed.

The speaker discusses the difficulty of stepping away from a job and the need to figure out next steps privately.

The speaker feels that their audience and reaction channels are not changing or growing with them.

A plea for understanding and an end to the entertainment of others at the expense of real lives is made.

The speaker acknowledges the consistent negative impact of reaction channels and haters on their well-being.

A sense of being at a loss and the struggle to maintain a positive outlook despite the challenges is conveyed.

The speaker expresses a strong desire to prove the truth about 'Valentine' to counteract the narrative of lies.

Transcripts

hey guys so I originally had a different

video that I was going to have go up

today but I just feel like a lot is

happening and it's super overwhelming I

don't I don't know like I'm only one

person over here and it's just like so

much is being said and I know legal

terms love to be thrown around like

slander defamation nine times out of 10

people don't really know what they're

talking about but I feel like in the

situations that have been happening

recently there is a lot of slander there

is a lot of defamation like there's a

difference between like gossiping versus

like downright straight up defamation

lies completely making up stories that

aren't true at all I told myself I would

never talk about this to protect

myself because it is scary because

there's a lot that goes in it but like

if I can somehow prove that I'm not

lying that I'm going to do that I

shouldn't have to I shouldn't have to

stand here and do this like I honestly

feel pathetic I feel triggered I feel

just like YouTube is ruining my life

like truly ruining my life and I have

gone through a lot with YouTube I have

gone through a [ __ ] lot I have had

some serious High highs and I've had

some serious low lows but something

about everything that's been happening

it has hit different it has affected me

differently than anything else ever has

and seeing what a large chunk of

whatever this community is doing seeing

what you guys are doing has made me just

not want to do YouTube anymore and that

scares me because that means I'm about

to drastically change my life if I

choose to take a step back I really

don't want to stand here and cry and be

whiny I don't want to do any of that

because I do take partial credit into

all of this years ago I became a [ __ ]

troll a huge troll I almost asked for

the negativity especially like

2019

2018 2017 I almost asked for it any

attention was good attention for me even

if it was bad even if it made me feel

like [ __ ] but as someone who's going to

be 34 years

old I regret

that I regret that side of me but we do

[ __ ] in our 20s that we regret

unfortunately it's like this is just

staying with me as much as I grow up as

much as I try to change whether that

just be in my personal life or on

YouTube you guys won't change with me

you guys aren't changing with me and I'm

just I'm just like stuck in this

weird girl world like Amber verse

negative just like horrible space and I

want to break up with it I don't want to

be a part of it anymore and I just don't

know what to do stepping away from any

sort of job is hard and it takes time

and thought and you need to figure out

like okay so if I step away what are my

next steps I have to figure that out and

I need to do it in private but that's

not what this is about I'm scared I'm

scared to talk about this I am so many

of you thought Valentine was fake that

was the

biggest thing Valentine isn't real

Valentine isn't real and I accepted it

for what it was I was like they don't

want to believe me that's fine I'm

actively having so much [ __ ] anxiety

for what I'm about to say like

Valentine's name is Erica and Erica had

a wife I'm about to reveal screenshots

that I could find because this is the

only way that I'm going to prove it here

is me not making time for my friends

because I am literally always always

giving every single part of me to Erica

you guys know I struggle with BPD so one

of those things is when I get into a

relationship my partner literally

consumes me whether they try to or not

do you guys remember that night when my

mom stayed the night with me and we

colored like children and people were

like oh my God they're such children

yeah that was when I was breaking up

with Erica here's my friend Alexis just

being Alexis and to top it all off

here's a screenshot of me telling Alexis

that Erica's wife called me while I was

at a birthday party remember that

birthday party I went to when I was

outside it was super hot it was at a

park it was that day you guys went from

believing Valentine was fake to them

believing Valentine was my most recent

ex all for entertainment while actively

ruining people's lives Valentine was

real I have never lied so many times

people be like why don't you ever talk

about her like why don't you ever show

her why don't we ever hear because of

this amberland why are your videos so

boring like why aren't people in your

videos because of this amberland why

don't you show up at your job

more why don't you put more effort into

your videos because of this why do you

like have an attitude towards reaction

channels and to your audience because of

this still through it all I have been

able to manage a positive outlook on

life whether you guys see that or not I

try my hardest in my real life to be

happy bubbly and positive

but I feel like I'm losing sight of that

person like the person that I tried it's

so hard to be especially once I moved to

Oklahoma and moved in by myself like I

felt myself changing and being better

and improving in multiple different ways

and now I just feel myself backtracking

and that scares me and I don't want to

be in that position it's just like

everyone in this situation is [ __ ]

hurting and feeling the gravity of it

while hundreds of people get to just sit

back and watch it as if it's

entertainment these are real lives being

messed with real lives and I can't sit

back and let it happen and watch it

happen I can't support it I can't

condone it never would and I know a lot

of you don't either like I'm getting so

many messages on Instagram every single

day of people that are literal even

haters that are like this isn't right

like what you're going through is not

okay something I have very strongly

learned and I have known from the

beginning reaction channels don't care

about me neither do the haters all they

care about how many views I can get how

much money they can make and the only

way they can do that is by disliking

every single thing that I do nitpicking

every single thing that I do creating

drama and fake stories around every

single part of my life and doing it

consistently and that consistently has

been wearing at me for years and years

and years and this is finally the straw

that broke the camel's back and I'm

personally hurt and I'm lost and I'm

confused and I don't know what to do

from here on out I struggle with BPD so

like everything that I'm feeling is

normal and I know that in my rational

side but like I'm feeling it at a

magnitude that like normal people don't

feel I don't even know what I'm saying

at this point I just know that whatever

I say like it just feels like there's a

large amount of people that are just

deaf to my words but if I can

prove that Valentine isn't someone that

you guys think it is there's your proof