How To Be Yourself - Become Your Authentic Self Right Now

Summary

In this video, Leo from actualized.org discusses the importance of being authentic and the challenges of overcoming people-pleasing tendencies. He delves into the reasons why individuals suppress their true selves and offers insights on how to embrace authenticity despite potential social costs. Leo emphasizes that seeking validation from others is not a path to true fulfillment and encourages viewers to recognize the sacrifices they make for approval, ultimately advocating for a life of self-expression and genuine happiness.

Takeaways

• 🌟 Authenticity is crucial for personal fulfillment and happiness. Leo emphasizes the importance of being true to oneself rather than living up to others' expectations.
• 🚫 Overcoming the fear of what others think is a significant step towards being authentic. Leo discusses the struggle of being a people pleaser and the need to stop caring excessively about others' opinions.
• 🤔 The script explores the reasons behind the difficulty of being oneself, such as negative beliefs and social conditioning that bury one's authentic self.
• 💡 Leo suggests that people who are comfortable being themselves often appear more grounded and less concerned with others' judgments.
• 🔦 The metaphor of a 'shining beacon' within each person is used to illustrate the authentic self that is often obscured by layers of conditioning and beliefs.
• 🔑 The mental image one has of how they appear to others is identified as a major obstacle to authenticity. This self-consciousness can be stifling and prevent self-expression.
• 💊 The script describes the pursuit of approval as a 'drug' that can be psychologically addictive and ultimately unfulfilling.
• 💔 The realization that seeking validation, love, sex, money, or approval from others will not lead to true inner fulfillment is a key insight.
• 🛑 Leo advises shifting the balance from being overly empathetic to others' opinions to a more self-expressive stance, without advocating for disregard of others' feelings.
• 📝 He encourages viewers to write down areas of life where authenticity might incur costs, to assess whether the current sacrifices are worth the pursuit of being genuine.
• 🔄 The final takeaway is the practice of mindfulness to observe oneself 'whoring out' in subtle ways, to become conscious of the moments when one is not being authentic for the sake of others' approval.

Q & A

What is the main topic of the video by Leo from actualized.org?

The main topic of the video is about learning how to be yourself and your authentic self, and overcoming the challenges of being a people pleaser and worrying about what others think.

Why does Leo suggest that people often bury their authentic selves?

Leo suggests that people bury their authentic selves because of layers of negative beliefs, limiting beliefs, social and religious conditioning, and bad parenting that cover the 'shining beacon' of their true selves, preventing their light from breaking through.

What does Leo mean by 'whoring yourself out' in the context of the video?

In the context of the video, 'whoring yourself out' means acting inauthentically, not being true to oneself, and sacrificing one's values and opinions to gain approval, love, money, or other perceived benefits from others.

What does Leo identify as the core reason people care about what others think of them?

The core reason people care about what others think of them, according to Leo, is because deep down they believe that others can offer something of true and lasting value, such as approval, which feels good and becomes a psychological need.

How does Leo describe the illusion of seeking happiness from external validation?

Leo describes the illusion as chasing after shallow things like approval, love, money, and assistance, which can never provide true inner fulfillment, and instead, one should seek happiness from within.

What is the practical exercise Leo suggests at the end of the video to help viewers become more self-aware?

Leo suggests a practical exercise where viewers write down a list of all the ways and areas in their life where being authentic might incur costs or create friction, and then to consciously observe themselves 'whoring out' and notice these behaviors without judgment over the next day.

What is the potential downside of being your authentic self according to Leo's discussion?

The potential downside of being your authentic self, as discussed by Leo, includes the possibility of people disliking you, losing relationships, or even facing professional consequences, as not everyone may react positively to your authenticity.

How does Leo define 'pretention' in the context of the video?

In the context of the video, 'pretention' is defined as holding back your true opinions and acting in a way that you believe will be perceived positively by others, rather than being true to who you are.

What does Leo argue is the key to personal fulfillment and success in life?

Leo argues that the key to personal fulfillment and success in life is to be your authentic self, as authenticity makes you magnetic and attractive, leading to more genuine relationships and opportunities.

What is the role of empathy in the discussion about caring too much about what others think, as presented by Leo?

Leo discusses that while empathy is important, being overly empathetic and reactive to what others think can be detrimental. It can lead to a loss of self and an excessive need for approval, which ultimately does not lead to true happiness or fulfillment.

What is the significance of the 'shining beacon' metaphor used by Leo?

The 'shining beacon' metaphor represents one's authentic self. Leo explains that when this beacon is covered by layers of negative beliefs and conditioning, it becomes obscured, preventing the individual from shining and being their true selves.

Outlines

00:00

🧘‍♂️ Embracing Authenticity

Leo from actualized.org introduces the topic of authenticity, discussing the struggle to be one's true self and the challenges of overcoming people-pleasing tendencies. He shares his personal journey and the impact of societal and personal conditioning that can bury one's authentic self. Leo emphasizes the importance of unearthing this inner light to achieve success and fulfillment in life, suggesting that being genuine is key to personal magnetism and happiness.

05:01

🤔 The Paradox of Empathy

The second paragraph delves into the issue of being overly empathetic to the point of self-neglect. Leo explains that caring excessively about others' opinions can lead to a loss of self-identity. He argues for a balanced approach, suggesting that a shift towards self-expression and less concern for approval is necessary for personal growth. The core issue is identified as a psychological need for validation, which can become a crutch and prevent true happiness and fulfillment.

10:01

💸 Selling Out for Shallow Gains

In this paragraph, Leo addresses the concept of 'whoring oneself out' for superficial gains such as approval, love, sex, money, or assistance. He criticizes this behavior as a form of self-betrayal, where individuals sacrifice their authenticity for temporary satisfaction. Leo challenges the audience to reconsider the value of these pursuits, pointing out that they do not lead to lasting fulfillment and can trap individuals in a cycle of seeking external validation.

15:03

🚀 Accepting the Costs of Authenticity

Leo acknowledges the potential costs of being authentic, such as negative reactions or even the loss of relationships and jobs. However, he argues that the benefits of being true to oneself outweigh these risks. He encourages the audience to accept that not everyone will like them and that striving for universal approval is futile. Instead, he suggests that authenticity attracts the right people and opportunities, leading to a more stable and fulfilling life.

20:06

📝 Practical Steps to Authenticity

The final paragraph provides practical advice for embracing authenticity. Leo instructs the audience to identify areas of life where being genuine might incur costs and to write down potential consequences. He then asks them to reflect on whether these costs are worth it, encouraging a decision to be authentic despite the risks. Leo also suggests a mindfulness exercise to observe and call out instances of self-betrayal, promoting self-awareness and conscious decision-making.

🌟 The Wisdom of Being Yourself

In the concluding paragraph, Leo emphasizes the timeless wisdom of being true to oneself, suggesting that this principle has been supported by centuries of philosophical and psychological thought. He invites viewers to subscribe to his newsletter for more insights and resources on personal development. Leo offers exclusive content and the chance to win free coaching sessions, positioning actualized.org as a platform for mastering the mind and achieving desired life outcomes.

Keywords

💡Authentic self

The 'authentic self' refers to the genuine, true personality and desires of an individual, unfiltered by societal expectations or the opinions of others. In the video, the concept is central to the theme, with Leo discussing the importance of embracing one's authentic self to achieve personal fulfillment and happiness, rather than living under the burden of people-pleasing or societal conditioning.

💡People pleaser

A 'people pleaser' is someone who prioritizes the needs, desires, or opinions of others over their own, often at the expense of their own well-being or authenticity. The script describes the struggle of being a people pleaser and how it can hinder personal growth and self-expression, as the individual constantly seeks approval and fears negative judgment.

💡Social conditioning

Social conditioning refers to the process by which individuals are influenced by societal norms, values, and expectations, often leading to the adoption of behaviors that align with these standards. In the video, Leo talks about how layers of social conditioning can bury one's authentic self, likening it to a 'shining beacon' covered in grime, preventing the light of one's true nature from shining through.

💡Approval

The term 'approval' in this context relates to the validation or positive regard one receives from others. The script explores the idea that seeking approval can become an unhealthy need, leading individuals to suppress their authentic selves to gain favor or avoid conflict, which ultimately detracts from personal fulfillment.

💡Empathic

Being 'empathic' means having the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. While empathy is generally seen as a positive trait, the video suggests that being overly empathic can lead to self-sacrifice, as individuals may become overly reactive to others' opinions and feelings, thus losing touch with their own needs and desires.

💡Self-expression

Self-expression is the act of conveying one's thoughts, emotions, and individuality. Leo emphasizes the importance of self-expression in the video, stating that when individuals suppress their authentic selves, they become less expressive and less able to attract and connect with others in a meaningful way.

💡Fulfillment

Fulfillment, as discussed in the video, refers to a deep sense of satisfaction and contentment that comes from living in alignment with one's true self. The script contrasts the shallow, temporary satisfaction derived from external validation with the profound, lasting fulfillment that comes from being authentic.

💡Pretension

Pretension in this context means the act of presenting oneself in a way that is not genuine or authentic, often to impress others or fit in. The video describes how pretension can lead to a loss of self-respect and a disconnect from one's true identity.

💡Inner fulfillment

Inner fulfillment is a state of contentment and satisfaction that originates from within an individual, rather than being dependent on external factors. The script argues that true happiness and fulfillment cannot be achieved through external validation or material success, but rather through embracing and expressing one's authentic self.

💡Assertiveness

Assertiveness is the ability to stand up for oneself and express one's thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in an open, honest, and self-assured way. The video suggests that individuals who are not true to their authentic selves often lack assertiveness, as they are more concerned with pleasing others than with advocating for their own needs and opinions.

💡Mindfulness

Mindfulness, as mentioned towards the end of the script, is the practice of being fully present and engaged in the moment without judgment. Leo encourages the viewer to practice mindfulness to observe their tendency to 'whore themselves out' for approval, to become more aware of their authentic reactions and responses.

Highlights

The video discusses the importance of being authentic and the challenges of people-pleasing.

Leo shares his personal struggle with being a people pleaser and its impact on his life.

The analogy of the 'shining beacon' within us being obscured by layers of conditioning is introduced.

The difficulty of success and fulfillment when one's authentic self is buried is highlighted.

The concept of being overly empathetic and its detrimental effects on self-expression is explored.

The idea that caring too much about others' opinions can stifle personal growth is presented.

The video suggests that the need for approval is a psychological crutch that can be harmful.

The false belief that external validation leads to true happiness is debunked.

The notion that one must sometimes sacrifice social acceptance for personal authenticity is discussed.

The video challenges the audience to consider the real costs of not being true to oneself.

The practical exercise of listing potential costs of being authentic in various life areas is suggested.

The importance of accepting that not everyone will like you when you are being genuine is emphasized.

The video posits that being authentic can lead to more meaningful and stable success.

The mindfulness exercise of observing oneself 'whoring out' in daily interactions is proposed.

The final call to action encourages the audience to sign up for Leo's newsletter for further personal development.

The video concludes with a reminder that being oneself is a key to mastering one's mind and life outcomes.

Transcripts

hey this is Leo for actualized.org and

in this video we're going to talk about

how to be

yourself all right so let's break into

this one how do you be yourself how do

you be your authentic self how do you

stop

acting for other people

how do you stop being a people pleaser

and how do you honor who you really are

this is something that I've actually

struggled with for pretty much most of

my life and it's been a really tough

journey and that's held me back in a lot

of ways always being a people pleaser

and always worrying about what other

people thought about me I have other

videos uh I have a great video up there

that talks about how to stop caring what

other people think about you so you

might want to check that one out as well

but here let's talk about how to be

yourself so what I want to go into is

some of the reasons of why you're

behaving this way why you're having

difficulty being yourself and I want to

give you a couple of ideas about how to

start to turn that around so that's what

this video is going to be about real

quick basically you can probably notice

that there are people in the world that

are comfortable being who they are

they're very grounded they're very solid

it's almost like they don't give a [ __ ]

there's that type of person maybe you

have friends that are like that or

you've met people like that and then

there's the other type of person which

is the type of person that is always

living afraid living afraid of what

other people will think of

them and what they do is they take their

authentic self and they bury

it and their authentic self it's like

this uh this Shining Light that's inside

of them right picture like a little sun

inside of you this shining Beacon of

light but what happens is that you put

layers and layers of uh negative beliefs

and limiting beliefs and social

conditioning religious conditioning uh

bad parenting you put all that on top of

it until that that that shining Beacon

is so covered in Grime and dust and mud

that literally none of the light can

break through just maybe in little

places where you have a crack here or a

crack there and what you've got is

you've got this uh very unilluminated

unilluminated Beacon and that's what's

fueling you and that's how your life

your life is coming from that from that

place and if you come from this place

it's hard to be successful in life it's

also hard to be truly fulfilled and

truly happy because your authentic self

is buried and you've got all this logic

and reasoning and beliefs around why it

should remain buried and so unless you

go in there and start to dig around

really you're not going to fix it what's

going to happen is that you're going to

keep it buried for the rest of your life

and you're not going to be

self-expressive the way you want to be

you're not going to be your glowing

radiant self and you're not going to be

magnetic and so people will not really

be attracted to you as much as they

should be and you're going to have

trouble in your relationships you're

going to have trouble in business and

career you're going to have trouble with

communication skills with uh speaking to

people with uh personal fulfillment too

so it's not just about how you interact

with others but your personal

fulfillment you're going to lack

fulfillment on a deep level because

you're not able to express yourself so

let's talk about what some of the things

that are holding you

back the biggest thing that's holding

you back is that you've got this mental

image you've got literally a mental

image or even a movie that you play of

what you look like from other people's

points of view right it's as though

you're being watched I can speak about

this very articulately because I'm

talking from my own personal direct

experience here is that I have this and

I've had this for a long time i' I've

really numbed it down lately over the

last 5 years I've really worked a lot of

those issues out but I still I still

have that lingering and I'm still

working through this is that I still

when I'm you know when I'm just walking

through a crowd or I'm at of Starbucks

or I'm at the gym or even when I'm

sitting at home it's always as though

I'm being watched through a camera I

kind of have that sense it's like a six

sense and on some level this can be nice

there could be maybe some advantages to

that you're a little bit more reflexive

you kind of you're more aware and

conscious of what you're doing but it's

also stifling because you're always

looking at yourself as you were looking

and judging yourself uh as a third

person right and you put yourself into

other people's shoes and you ask

yourself well what does that person

think of me you know how did how did

this play off how did what I say affect

them how did that affect their mood

their

feelings and that whole game you start

playing this game of what other people

think about you and you tell yourself

that this is actually okay that this is

the right way to live and you tell

yourself that the reason you do this is

because you're an empathetic person

because you actually care about other

people

and that's what I told myself as well uh

the problem is that you're too

empathetic like everything in life there

has to be a balance right and the

problem here is that you're overly

reactive to what other people think

about you I'm not telling you to be a

dick I'm not telling you to be an

[ __ ] or a [ __ ] what I'm telling you

is that if you

are having difficulty being yourself and

you care a lot about what other people

think about you then you need to shift

the scale to the other side a little bit

towards the un caring side don't worry

you're not going to go overboard it's

going to be too hard for you to become

totally cold and heartless you're not

going to ever get there so but we do

need to start to shift you so basically

you have to stop caring about what other

people think about you anything that

will get you to stop caring is going to

improve your function in life is going

to make you more

self-expressive I think the core of why

you care about what other people think

about you is because somewhere deep down

inside of you you feel like what they

offer you can have true and Lasting

value now really think about this

because this is a deep

idea somewhere deep down inside you tell

yourself that this person that you're

interacting with whether at work or in

your relationship in your family with a

friend that this person can give you

something and that something is is so

meaningful is so valuable that you need

it and therefore you will do whatever it

takes to get

it now this could be a tangible material

thing like money but in most cases it's

not that it's more ethereal what you're

actually after is you're you're after

approval what you want is approval and

approval feels so good right when your

self-image is validated by other people

when people tell you that you're a nice

person when people compliment you on how

you dress on how you look on how sexy

you are on how masculine you

are on how confident you are when people

tell you how good a provider you are how

much money you're making how much status

you have how cool your car is how good

you're doing at work how excellent you

are how proud they are of you right all

of this all these things uh are

basically uh ways of lavishing you with

approval and it might sound on the

surface like well what's wrong with that

you know what's wrong if someone tells

me that they love me what's wrong if

someone tells me I did a good job when

in fact I did do a good

job what's wrong with someone giving me

a compliment on how dressed if I really

put in a lot of time and effort and

dressed really nice shouldn't I get

complimented for those

things I mean there's nothing really

wrong with that as long as you're not

going overboard the problem is when you

start to need it psychologically it

becomes like a crutch it literally

becomes like a drug a drug for approval

and it can be really difficult to wean

yourself off of this and what you're

telling yourself deep down somewhere

unconsciously is that actually this

approval is is something valuable it's

something like unique you want it it's

so it's so important right either that

or something tangible that you're

getting maybe it's the the sex that

you're getting from your relationship

you're telling yourself that well that's

something I want that's something that's

valuable to

me that money that you're getting maybe

from your parents or from someone that's

supporting you or even from your job you

know you tell yourself well I really

need that

money or that love that you're getting

in a relationship or with your friends

or you know wherever that support that

you're getting the assistance that

you're getting maybe somebody is helping

you with something and so you feel kind

of indebted to that person a little bit

obligated you don't want to rub them the

wrong way you know what if you say

something honest to that person and then

because of that they think that you're

some sort of weirdo or they think that

they no longer want to associate with

you you know that might affect your work

relationships maybe that affects your

business prospects maybe that your

clients will think poorly of you maybe

it'll get back around to to to your

Social Circle so you have all these

kinds of thoughts and because of this

you think that this is like all these

things sex money love assistance

approval all these things are valuable

and what you're going to discover if you

really delve into personal development

is you're going to discover that they're

actually not valuable at

all and what I mean by this is that they

can never give you true inner

fulfillment these are all things that

you can chase and these are all things

that are very illusory and will make you

feel like you're getting it you know

like oh if I could just get a little bit

more money a little bit more sex a

little bit more love a little bit more

uh you know support from my friends a

little bit more approval from the people

at work or from my boss then I will be

happy but that's a big big trap it's uh

a misunderstanding of really how

happiness and fulfillment work and

really what you're looking for is you're

looking there for stimulation and

excitement rather than true happiness

this is too deep of a topic to cover

here if you're really interested in what

true happiness is I have a great video

on that it's called what is happiness go

ahead and search for it there I talk

about some very Advanced deep Concepts I

go further into this idea of of What

happiness is and that it's not what you

think it is but for now you're just

going to have to Teck me at my word that

these things are really not going to

make you

fulfilled and so really what you're

doing is uh when you're kind of playing

up to somebody else you know when you're

holding back your opinions when you're

trying to act so that you're perceived

in a good way that's basically

pretention we might call that pretention

and ultimately what you're doing is I

want you to realize this is that you're

you're whoring yourself out you're being

a [ __ ] very

literally what does that mean that means

that you're acting you're not being

authentic to you you're not being

yourself somehow you're sacrificing that

so that you can get a positive reaction

from somebody

else right and this happens everywhere

in life and it can happen in very very

subtle ways I mean literally you could

be whoring yourselfself out when you go

to to a Starbucks

right you go to a Starbucks and there's

a long line and you're standing in line

and you're about to go up and place your

order and all of a sudden someone like

kind of cuts in front of you as though

they had an order before you but you

know that they're like they're trying to

to get their way in there so they cut in

front of you but you say to yourself

well what should I do like I really

don't like the fact that they cut I

should call them out on it but on the

other hand I don't want to like cause

this whole Ruckus and I don't want to

like impose myself right I don't want to

be perceived as being the jerk like I

don't want that guy to think that I'm

being rude or something and so you kind

hold yourself back right and you just

stand there and you're like well I'll

just let him go it's not a big deal but

see what happened there even though

that's like a very small insignificant

seeming thing the significance of that

is that you weren't you weren't being

yourself you weren't being authentic

there because authentically you were

upset at that situ at that person at

that situation and you felt like the

right thing to do uh was to call them

out on it but you hesitated you held

back and the reason you held back was

because uh you didn't want you know

there was there was something that you

were whoring yourself out for

so in this case it just might have been

you didn't want him to think bad of you

that person that cut you didn't want him

to think bad of you and so you just let

it slide and if you do that at Starbucks

I can only imagine where else you do it

in your life in your intimate

relationships in your business at work

at the gym right it just um it's it's a

philosophy that you have and I know

because I've come from this place and so

you lack assertiveness you lack

confidence and you basically sacrif

yourself and your own values but more

than that you sacrifice your um your

soul basically you're basically selling

your soul for a little hit of approval

you're selling your soul for a little

hit of of love or sex or money or some

of that assistance that you're getting

um in your life somewhere so I want you

to recognize that is that that's what

you're doing so maybe that sex you might

tell me Well sex has value to me I

really enjoy sex and love has value for

me I need love in my life and I you know

I need money what's wrong with money how

am I going to pay the bills if I don't

have money and you know what's wrong if

I need somebody to assist me you know

people need assistance from other people

well there's nothing wrong with it but

uh you know is it worth the cost of

selling out your soul is it worth the

cost of all the Fulfillment that you're

sacrificing that you're laying on the

table because that's what you're doing

and the worst of it is is that not only

are you whing yourself out in both

subtle and big ways but you're doing it

for something that will never make you

fulfilled so I understand if you hoard

yourself out for something that would

actually last would be of actual lasting

value to you but that's not the case

here

right someone's opinion of you is not

going to make you any more fulfilled if

everybody in the world loved you that

would not make you more

happier than anybody else really it

wouldn't go and penetrate deep in here

it would look nice on the surface and it

might make you happy for a few days or

for a few weeks or maybe even a month or

so but it's not really going to make you

satisfied and having all the money in

the world being the richest person in

the world in and of itself is not going

to make you any really more satisfied

not on the inside it'll look nice on the

outside and same thing for you know the

love that you're getting from a

relationship and the same thing with uh

any kind of approval you're getting from

your friends or your boss or your

co-workers it's just not it's not going

to work because the happiness is is got

to come from inside out rather than from

outside in

so you're whing yourself out really for

something that's actually very very

shallow too so that's the worst of it is

that you're whing yourself out for that

so what's the solution well the solution

is to accept that there are real costs

to being you there are costs to being

you right there's a cost for standing up

to truth sometimes people might think of

you

badly sometimes you might get fired for

that right sometimes maybe you'll even

get thrown in jail for that certainly a

lot of cases in history of famous

figures uh who that's happened

to certainly your uh your spouse might

actually leave you and your girlfriend

or boyfriend they might break up with

you if you actually are your authentic

self so those are the costs there are

costs I'm not saying that those are

necessarily going to be the costs that

you incur but those could be some of the

costs of being

you now you know what's the flip side of

this well the flip side of this is that

you don't need everyone to like you and

in fact it's not even possible to make

everyone like you even if you do

everything perfectly so you have to just

accept that certain people will not like

you and that it doesn't really

matter in fact your best strategy in

success chances at success in life

chances at fulfillment and chances at

most the most people liking you is to be

yourself because when your yourself your

authentic self you're magnetic you're

attractive people want to be near you

maybe not the same people that want to

be near your fake self right now so

acknowledge that I'm not saying that you

can maintain everything in your life as

it is and still be yourself you might

need to make some sacrifices there might

be some costs because chances are right

now You' hoard yourself out and now you

have some social debts right and when I

tell you to stop uh caring about other

people and start being authentic well

you're going to come up with all sorts

of reasons about why that's too costly

for you you're going to say well then my

boss will say something bad um my job

might be in danger uh my relationship

might be in danger something else might

be in

danger well what's more important to you

is it more important to you for you to

be getting those shallow things or is it

more important for you to be

self-expressive to really be yourself to

really be fulfilled inside and then to

act from that and to live your life from

that and to create a business from that

place to create a career from that place

to create a nice relationship from that

place what's more

important I mean you can still keep

whoring yourself out if you want to but

in the end being a [ __ ] is not a good

way to to go through life so my

suggestion is to to bite the bullet on

this one and be yourself despite the

costs in fact what I'll have you do is

uh we're going to wrap with this

something practical I want you to write

down a list of all the ways and all the

areas in your life where if you started

to really act yourself really honest

with yourself

and expressing yourself honestly where

you might incur some costs where there

might be some friction and some tension

what are those debts that you're now

kind of sunk into I want you to write

those down at work in your relationship

you know in any kind of interactions

you're having with other people um any

any area of Life write them down maybe

you think that you'll have strain in

your marriage maybe you'll think you'll

have strain at work so write those down

and be specific about what the costs are

and then when you survey the whole list

of costs I want you to

say am I satisfied with these

costs or am I going to decide to be my

authentic self despite the costs [ __ ]

the costs be

yourself you're going to be much happier

and ultimately you're going to be more

successful too it just might take a

while for you to recreate your life a

little bit because some of those things

might actually fall off your you know

off uh out of your life and when they do

you have to be okay with it because you

have to recognize that when you are your

authentic self now people it's going to

be better it's going to be more of a a

stable success because now people that

are going to be attracted to you and

situations that you're going to be

involved in those are going to be more

authentic they're going to be aligned

with you right rather than being the

Sham that they are right now so you got

to stop living this uh this sham kind of

life and the final exercise that I'm

going to wrap on is is the following is

I want you to uh observe yourself over

the next day in very subtle ways I want

you to see how you're whoring yourself

out and I want you to call yourself out

on it so for example if someone sends

you a simple little email and you want

to reply to it but then all of a sudden

you kind of stop yourself and your

natural reply you want to kind of uh you

know you want to soften the edges of it

you don't want to be coming off too

impolite or too rude or you're worried

about what that other person is going to

uh how he's going to interpret your

response and you kind of dumb down your

response on that email make it kind of

sweet and polite well notice that notice

what you're doing there is that you are

whing yourself out to get a positive

reaction from that person and at that

point I don't want you to judge yourself

this is kind of mindfulness I also have

a video on mindfulness you want to check

out this is a practicing mindfulness is

you just you just observe yourself whing

yourself

out and you don't judge yourself you

don't say this is bad or good you just

let it be and you just follow through

carry it through hoard yourself out but

be conscious this time do it consciously

and I want you to do that for the whole

day and notice the subtle little ways in

which you're doing it kind of like that

Starbucks example that I gave you all

right so this is Leah I'm going to be

signing off be yourself don't be a [ __ ]

all right you're going to be much

happier not being a [ __ ] trust me on

this one uh this has been uh well proven

through uh through hundreds and

thousands of years of uh of wisdom books

and knowledge that have been written on

this stuff so it's definitely a solid

principle to follow is to be yourself

and pay the costs I'm signing off post

me your comments down below please like

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same kind of principles apply and

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