This Harvard Study Showed That Doing THIS Keeps You Healthier | Mel Robbins Clips

Summary

In this insightful podcast, Dr. Robert Waldinger, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, shares the profound findings from an 86-year study on what makes a good life. The key takeaway? Strong, warm relationships are the most significant predictors of happiness and health, both mentally and physically, throughout one's life. The study reveals that those with better social connections live longer, healthier lives, emphasizing the importance of nurturing and valuing our relationships for a thriving life.

Takeaways

• 📚 The Harvard Study of Adult Development, started in 1938, is a long-term study that initially focused on two groups: privileged Harvard undergraduates and underprivileged boys from Boston's poorest families.
• 🔍 The study aimed to understand what helps people thrive and transition from adolescence to young adulthood, examining both privileged and underprivileged individuals.
• 🧬 Over time, the study expanded to include spouses and children, and utilized new scientific techniques such as DNA and mRNA analysis, and brain imaging with MRI scanners.
• 💖 The most significant finding from the study is that people who have more and warmer relationships tend to live longer, stay healthier, and be happier.
• 🌟 Relationships not only contribute to happiness but also have a profound impact on physical health, reducing the likelihood of diseases like coronary artery disease and type 2 diabetes.
• 🧘‍♂️ The study suggests that good relationships act as stress regulators, helping to calm the body's stress response and preventing the long-term negative effects of chronic stress.
• 🔮 Researchers found that by examining individuals at age 50, they could predict who would be healthy and happy at age 80, with the quality of their relationships being a key predictor.
• 🌱 Loneliness is a signal of a need for more connection, and recognizing this can help individuals seek out and cultivate more fulfilling relationships.
• 🤝 Simple steps like expressing a desire for more connection or making positive suggestions for spending time together can help improve relationships and reduce feelings of loneliness.
• 🌟 Engaging in activities that one is passionate about with others can be an effective way to form new connections and friendships.
• 🌈 It's important to remember that not every attempt at forming connections will be successful, but persistence and a positive attitude can lead to meaningful relationships.

Q & A

What is the primary focus of the Harvard Study of Adult Development led by Dr. Robert Waldinger?

The primary focus of the study is to understand what contributes to a good life, particularly looking at factors that help people thrive and make a successful transition from adolescence into young adulthood.

When did the Harvard Study of Adult Development begin, and with which groups of individuals?

The study began in 1938 with two groups of young men: Harvard College undergraduates, representing a privileged group, and boys from Boston's poorest and most disadvantaged families, representing an underprivileged group.

How has the Harvard Study of Adult Development evolved over the years?

The study has evolved by expanding its initial focus to include spouses and children of the original participants. It has also incorporated new scientific techniques and tools, such as DNA and messenger RNA analysis, and brain imaging with MRI scanners.

What is the most significant finding from the 86-year-long study according to Dr. Waldinger?

The most significant finding is that people who have more and warmer relationships with others tend to live longer, stay healthier, and are happier compared to those who are more isolated and do not prioritize relationships.

How do relationships act as stress regulators according to the study's findings?

Relationships act as stress regulators by providing a support system that helps individuals calm down after experiencing stress. This ability to recover from stress is linked to better physical health and a reduced likelihood of developing diseases associated with aging.

What was surprising about the study's findings regarding the impact of relationships on physical health?

The surprising aspect was not just that relationships improve happiness, but that they also have a significant impact on physical health, making it less likely for individuals to develop conditions like coronary artery disease and type 2 diabetes.

How can the study's findings on relationships and health be applied to improve one's life?

The findings suggest that individuals should prioritize nurturing warm and supportive relationships, as these connections can contribute to better physical and mental health, and overall well-being.

What did the study find when looking back at participants at age 50 to predict who would be healthy and happy at age 80?

The study found that the strongest predictor of being healthy and happy at age 80 was the happiness in one's relationships at age 50, rather than factors like cholesterol levels.

How does the experience of loneliness relate to the study's findings on relationships?

Loneliness is an experience of feeling less connected to others than desired, and the study suggests that addressing this feeling by seeking and nurturing connections can improve well-being and potentially physical health.

What advice does Dr. Waldinger give to individuals who feel lonely or disconnected in their relationships?

Dr. Waldinger advises individuals to first understand the reasons for their loneliness or disconnection and then take steps to improve their relationships, such as having open conversations about their needs, seeking therapy if necessary, and engaging in activities they are passionate about alongside others.

What is the significance of the study's approach to understanding the long-term impact of relationships on life satisfaction and health?

The significance lies in its longitudinal design, which allows for the observation of participants over their entire lifespan, providing a comprehensive understanding of how early life relationships and experiences can influence long-term outcomes in health and happiness.

Outlines

00:00

📚 Introduction to the Harvard Study of Adult Development

The podcast begins with an introduction to Dr. Robert Waldinger, the director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, a psychiatrist, professor, and Zen priest. Dr. Waldinger is celebrated for his work on the good life and is set to share insights from the long-term study. The study, which started in 1938, initially focused on two groups of young men: privileged Harvard undergraduates and underprivileged boys from Boston. The goal was to understand what helps individuals thrive and transition into successful adulthood. The study has since expanded to include spouses and children, and has followed participants through various stages of life, using a range of methodologies from medical exams to psychological interviews.

05:02

💖 The Power of Relationships for a Good Life

The second paragraph delves into the most significant finding of the 86-year study: the importance of relationships in contributing to a long, healthy, and happy life. The study reveals that individuals with warmer and more frequent relationships tend to live longer and healthier lives compared to those who are more isolated. The surprising element is that relationships not only improve happiness but also have a profound impact on physical health, reducing the likelihood of conditions like coronary artery disease and type 2 diabetes. The discussion suggests that relationships act as stress regulators, helping to mitigate the negative physiological effects of stress.

10:03

🔮 Predicting Health and Happiness at Age 80

In this segment, Dr. Waldinger discusses the study's ability to predict health and happiness at the age of 80 based on factors observed at the age of 50. Contrary to expectations, cholesterol levels were not the strongest predictor; instead, it was the happiness and satisfaction individuals derived from their relationships. The reanalysis of data confirmed this finding, which has been corroborated by other studies, pointing to a scientific truth about the profound impact of relationships on long-term well-being.

15:03

🌐 Addressing Loneliness and Relationship Struggles

The fourth paragraph addresses the issue of loneliness and the challenges in relationships. Dr. Waldinger emphasizes the importance of understanding the reasons behind dissatisfaction in relationships and the feelings of loneliness. He suggests that recognizing and addressing toxic or abusive relationships is crucial, but also acknowledges that most relationships have room for improvement. The paragraph encourages open communication, acceptance of others, and working through disagreements. It also highlights the importance of viewing loneliness as a signal for the need of connection rather than a personal failing.

20:05

🚀 Overcoming Social Anxiety and Building Connections

The final paragraph of the provided script touches on strategies for overcoming social anxiety and building connections. It suggests that engaging in activities one is passionate about alongside others can facilitate new friendships and connections. The paragraph also advises on the importance of not being disheartened by unsuccessful attempts at connecting with others, drawing an analogy with the success rate in baseball. It encourages persistence and highlights the potential for positive responses from others, emphasizing that occasional rejections are a normal part of social interaction.

Keywords

💡Good Life

The 'Good Life' is a central theme of the video, referring to a life of fulfillment, happiness, and well-being. It is defined by the quality of relationships and the ability to thrive emotionally and physically. The video suggests that the key to a good life is not material wealth or social status but rather the warmth and number of relationships one has, as illustrated by the long-term study findings.

💡Harvard Study of Adult Development

This is an ongoing longitudinal study that began in 1938, aiming to understand how people develop and thrive over time. The study initially involved two distinct groups: privileged Harvard undergraduates and underprivileged boys from Boston. It has since expanded to include their spouses and children, providing valuable insights into factors contributing to a good life.

💡Relationships

In the context of the video, 'relationships' are interpersonal connections that contribute to an individual's happiness and health. The study found that people with more and warmer relationships tend to live longer, healthier lives. The script emphasizes the importance of nurturing these connections as a cornerstone of a good life.

💡Stress Regulators

'Stress Regulators' refers to the role that relationships play in managing and reducing stress levels. The video explains that good relationships can help calm the body's stress response, thereby potentially reducing the negative health impacts of chronic stress.

💡Loneliness

'Loneliness' is described as the feeling of being less connected to others than one desires. The video discusses how loneliness can be a signal indicating a need for more social connection, rather than a personal failing. It is positioned as a barrier to a good life that can be addressed.

💡Thrive

'Thrive' in the video refers to the ability of individuals to grow and develop positively, especially from adolescence into adulthood. The study sought to understand what factors help people thrive, with a focus on the role of relationships in this process.

💡Physical Health

Physical health is one of the key outcomes measured in the study, and it is closely linked to the quality of relationships. The video suggests that good relationships can have a protective effect against certain diseases and contribute to a longer, healthier life.

💡Mental Health

Mental health is another critical aspect of well-being examined in the study. The video implies that relationships can significantly influence mental health, with positive connections potentially contributing to greater emotional stability and happiness.

💡Developmental Paths

'Developmental Paths' refers to the trajectories individuals follow as they grow and mature. The study was initially designed to understand what helps people make a successful transition from adolescence to young adulthood, with an emphasis on the role of relationships in this development.

💡Isolation

'Isolation' is presented as a state of being alone or disconnected from others, which can have negative effects on health and happiness. The video contrasts isolation with the benefits of having warm relationships, highlighting it as a factor to avoid for a good life.

💡The Good Life (Book)

The book 'The Good Life' by Dr. Robert Waldinger is mentioned as an international bestseller that encapsulates the findings and insights from the Harvard Study of Adult Development. It serves as a resource for understanding the secrets to living a fulfilling life, as discussed in the video.

Highlights

Introduction of Dr. Robert Waldinger, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, psychiatrist, professor at Harvard Medical School, and Zen priest.

Emotional impact of discussing 'what makes a good life' and the significance of the topic on personal well-being.

The Harvard Study of Adult Development began in 1938, focusing on the transition from adolescence to young adulthood.

Study initially involved two groups: privileged Harvard undergraduates and underprivileged boys from Boston.

Expansion of the study to include spouses and children over time.

Long-term follow-up with participants through questionnaires, interviews, and medical exams.

Inclusion of modern techniques such as DNA and messenger RNA analysis, and brain imaging with MRI.

The biggest takeaway: People with more and warmer relationships live longer, healthier, and happier lives.

Surprising discovery that relationships not only affect happiness but also physical health.

Hypothesis that relationships act as stress regulators, impacting the body's physiological response to stress.

Findings that predict health and happiness at age 80 based on relationship satisfaction at age 50.

Addressing loneliness as a signal for the need for more human connection rather than a personal failure.

Advice for those feeling lonely or disconnected in relationships, emphasizing positive communication.

Recommendations for building new relationships through shared interests and activities.

Understanding that not every social interaction will be successful and that's okay.

The importance of recognizing and addressing social anxiety as a barrier to forming connections.

Encouragement to persist in attempts to connect with others despite occasional rejections.

The profound influence of the study's findings on personal and societal understanding of well-being.

Transcripts

I don't know why I'm so moved by what

we're about to talk about because we

haven't even had the conversation yet um

we're answering the question what makes

a good life it is an absolute honor to

introduce you to Dr Robert waldinger

he's the director of the Harvard study

of adult development he's also a

psychiatrist a professor at Harvard

Medical School and a Zen priest he's the

author of The Amazing book and the

international bestseller The Good Life

and he is here to share all of the

research the secrets and some very

surprising takeaways and I am certain

that by the time you're done listening

your life will not be the same I hope

you share this profound conversation

with everyone you know and love because

we all deserve to live a good life so

please help me welcome Dr Robert

waldinger to the Mel Robbins podcast I'm

so glad to be

here have you ever had anybody else cry

during the

not during the opening no for me it

means so much because you you get what

we're doing and you get why it's why it

matters like you know that you really

get it and it's like wow what could be

better for somebody who just wrote a

book really if you think about it so

thank you thank you for getting choked

up you're welcome you're I mean I mean I

didn't do it like I literally am just so

moved by what you're doing and I really

mean

it um I guess I spent so so much of my

life causing myself a lot of unnecessary

heartache yeah and it's because I didn't

know any

better and you're not alone I mean so

many of us myself included caused so

much heartache just by what we imagined

was true that wasn't really true about

life true and also chasing the wrong

things and I just know that this really

matters and so let's talk about first

this study

so that the person listening has context

for why this study is so important how

it is different and the impact that it

can make on their life so can you just

tell us about the study sure first of

all nobody would ever have dreamed when

the study began that we would still be

going today it started in

1938 and it started with two groups

of young men first um Harvard College

undergraduates so a very privileged

group and boys from Boston's poorest and

most disadvantaged families a very

underprivileged group and then

eventually we expanded to spouses we

expanded to children but initially it

was a study of thriving uh the question

was what helps people make that

transition from adolescence into young

adulthood on good developmental paths

and of course you know with Harvard

undergraduates we think well they've got

their lives all set up they're they're

privileged but with the inner city boys

and they were on average about 12 when

they entered the study the question was

how do some children from really

disadvantaged homes manag to stay on

good developmental paths and grow up

into healthy happy adults so both both

groups were studied with the question of

what helps us

Thrive and how did the study work so you

started in 1938 you've got a group of

two very different people right or

that's the Assumption because they come

from very different backgrounds and how

did the study actually work well the

Harvard group consisted of

268 young men and the inner city group

456 we started with uh medical exams

psychological interviews we went to

their homes and talked to their parents

and sometimes their grandparents and the

workers made notes about like

disciplinary style in the home and even

what was being served for dinner in

1938 and then they were followed all the

way through adolescence into adulthood

some famous people John F Kennedy was

part of of the Harvard group Ben Bradley

who was the longtime editor of the

Washington Post The Boston Strangler was

part of the inner city group but most

people were not famous they weren't

Infamous they were just living their

lives and then how did you follow them

because it didn't end with just this

sort of one series of interviews no and

most studies do end that way or most

studies that try to follow people over

time stop before 10 years are up because

too many people drop out so this

study followed people year after year

with questionnair how's your life going

interviews every 10 years where we went

to their homes and sat down with them

and talked about their lives medical

exams um getting their medical records

from their doctors and then and this is

the coolest thing eventually we brought

in new techniques so we studied the same

big things like you know physical health

mental health work life relationships

but we started bringing in new

techniques as science developed them so

now we draw blood for DNA and messenger

RNA those things weren't even imagined

in 1938 we put people into the MRI

scanner and look at their brains and how

they light up when we show them

different images again people would have

thought this was like something from

Outer Space if we had told you in 1938

we could put you in a scanner and look

inside at your brain so it's a really

exciting way to see how we can bring in

the new tools of science to look at the

same questions about

well-being what is the biggest takeaway

from this 86 yearl long

study the biggest takeaway is that the

people who live the longest stay the

healthiest and are the happiest are the

people who have more relationships with

other people and warmer relationships

with other people that the people who

literally saw more people in in a given

week um the people who felt happier with

their relationships actually lived years

longer and they stayed healthier they

didn't develop the diseases of Aging as

soon if they developed them at all

compared to people who were more

isolated who didn't care about

relationships what was the most

surprising the surprise was not that

relationships keep us happier cuz sure

if we have warmer relationships we're

going to be happier the surprise was

that they keep us physically healthier

so how could relationships get into the

body and shape our physiology so that

good relationships make it less likely

that we'll get coronary artery disease

they make it less likely that we will

get type 2 diabetes how is that even

possible so in the last 10 years that's

what we've been studying in our

laboratory how is it possible well it

turns out so the best hypothesis we have

with good data is that it has to do with

stress that relationships are stress

Regulators so if you think about it

we're stressed at different times all

day long right like I might leave here

and an hour from now something really

stressful might happen and I I can

literally feel my body rev up my heart

rate revs up my breathing gets faster

all that right fight ORF flight response

what we know is that if I can go home

and talk to somebody if I can call

somebody on the phone or talk to someone

at home I can literally feel my body

calm down and that's what the body's

meant to do so it's good that the body

gets all revved up in response to

stressors to meet a stressor but then

it's meant to calm down and what we

think happens when we don't have good

relationships is that we stay in a kind

of lowlevel fight ORF flight mode where

we have higher levels of circulating

stress hormones higher levels of white

blood cells ready to fight off danger

and that those things gradually break

down multiple systems in the body over

time one of the things that I thought

was really interesting was that in the

study that you could determine and

predict who was going to be healthy at

the age of 80 based on certain things

you could see in the present can you

tell us about that yeah so we had

studied everybody out to age 80 and we

thought okay we have all this

information about them year after year

after year let's look back at them in

middle age so we picked 50 let's look

back at everything we know about them

and say what are the strongest

predictors since we know what they look

like at age 80 what's the strongest

predictor of who's going to be healthy

and happy at age 80 when we look at age

50 and when we looked it wasn't their

cholesterol levels it was how happy they

were in their relationships initially we

didn't believe it we reanalyze the data

because we said this can't be true and

then other studies of different groups

of people began to find the same thing

and that's how you know you have a

scientific truth not when one study even

our study shows something it's when many

studies point to the same thing so Dr

waldinger can you talk directly to the

person

listening because there are so many

people that write in and listen to the

show around the world who either feel

super lonely or they are not happy in

relationships what is your message to

that person about what's

possible for them yeah well you know if

if you think about it there are many

reasons why you might not be happy in

your

relationships and there are many reasons

why you might be lonely so let's start

with your current relationships what are

the reasons for not being happy so at

the worst end there are really toxic

relationships there are abusive

relationships relationships where we

might feel afraid of a partner those are

relationships where when we can we need

to step away if there's violence if

there's terrible emotional or physical

or sexual abuse okay that's at the

extreme end but most of our

relationships aren't troubled in that

way most relationships have difficulties

you know I've been married for 38 years

years do I ever have disagreements with

my wife of course I mean any

relationship with friends or family

that's of any importance is going to

have disagreements so then the question

is are those relationships worth the

work of working out difficulties and in

many cases they are worth the work so

then the question is can you work it out

can you in fact first of all accept

other people for the things you don't

like as well as the things you like uh

just as we hope they'll accept us for

the ways that I'm annoying and don't

even realize it maybe but then can you

also work out differences can you talk

about what you care about what's

difficult for you in the relationship

and see if you and the other person can

come to a better understanding many

times that's possible tell tell us about

what you learned based on this study and

the experience of being lonely you know

one of the things we've learned when we

study loneliness is that the causes of

why we're lonely are many and so again

the first step is to think about why do

I feel lonely so remember loneliness is

that experience of feeling less

connected to other people than I want to

be so I could be lonely in my marriage I

could be lonely in a crowd it doesn't

necessarily mean being alone on a

Mountaintop the can can I just stop you

right there because I think I just got

something I just probably five years ago

was struggling profoundly with

loneliness I was extraordinarily busy

but I felt very disconnected from my

husband Chris I felt like I never saw my

friends I didn't feel connected to the

community that I lived in and even

though I was surrounded by people all

the time and on planes at work even

standing in the kitchen with my husband

Chris I felt this deep sense of

disconnection but I read it as something

is wrong with me

as just this sort of indictment that

I've done something and the way that you

just said it I had this little Epiphany

where I was like oh wait a minute what

if when you feel lonely it's just like a

signal sort of like hunger or thirst

that there's something that you want

there's nothing wrong with you other

than the fact that you need human

connection you need this this feeling of

belonging in your relationships so I

just wanted to make sure that as you're

listening that I highlighted that and so

one takeaway already is in those moments

where you find yourself lonely catch

yourself on that default making yourself

wrong and go oh wait a minute I remember

from this interview that I heard that

this is actually a signal that there's

something to do exactly that is perfect

you know and and that moment of making

yourself wrong or making the world wrong

that if we can get out of the mode of

blaming anybody but just say oh this

means I want connection it can be so

helpful and actually when couples come

into therapy and they're angry at each

other often what you get to help them

see is that underneath what they're

yearning for is I want to be closer to

you and that once they get that oh my

gosh everything changes so once we stop

blaming ourselves or anybody else and we

just say oh I'd like more connection

what's making that difficult right now

and then we start looking at the the

things that we might be able to do to

make more connection so if you were to

take that and turn it into something

that somebody can do so if you're

listening and you do feel lonely or

you're listening and you're like oh I

relate to what Mel just said like

feeling very disconnected from your

partner is a simple step to Simply go up

and say I've been feeling very lonely

and I miss feeling connected to

you yes although that could feel like

blame to a partner but many partners

will be okay with hearing that some

Partners may just need to hear I'd love

to spend a little more time could we go

for a walk after dinner tonight making a

positive suggestion might be a place to

start I feel like I just got really good

advice because I tend to go to Chris and

just vomit the problem

Chris like but making a positive

suggestion for connection yes yes

because often when we vomit the problem

which I do too at times um when we vomit

the problem the other person is like

well what do I do about that right but

what if we come with a suggestion of

something that would help me feel more

connected and it can be small it can be

you know taking a walk it can be could

we plan a night just the two of us to go

out to dinner this week something very

specific that's not hard to say yes

to to try that first

now what if you're lonely and what you

realize is that I get scared when I'm

with other people like I'm afraid of

being rejected so that's something

that's possible to work on there are

first of all books you can read about

getting through social anxiety there's

therapy for it the perhaps you have a

trusted friend or a family member who

you could talk to about what it's like

to walk into a room and realize that

you're afraid that people aren't going

to like you because many of us have that

feeling so social anxiety is one common

reason why we hold ourselves back from

people sometimes it's that we need to

put ourselves in situations where

connection is easier the way to do that

they've actually studied this in

research the quickest way to make

friends is to do something you care

about or something you love to do do it

alongside other people and do it again

and again with those same other people

so let's say you love gardening let's

say you love pickle ball let's say you

love fighting for cl I'm a protection

right anything that you love or that

you're passionate about put yourself in

a situation where you can do that

activity with other people because first

of all brings you in contact with new

people it also puts you in a situation

where you share something we both are

worried about climate change or we both

love bird watching so you have an

immediate place to start conversations

if you're feeling awkward well how do I

talk to this stranger and so that turns

out to be the quickest way to make new

relationships the other thing that's

worth remembering when you're thinking

about talking to someone new is it's not

going to go well every time and that's

okay think of it more like being up to

bat in baseball like if you hit the ball

one time out of three you are doing

amazing and chances are you're going to

get a friendly response from a stranger

many more times than one out of three

most of the time people are going to be

kind to you and going to respond well

but don't worry if somebody doesn't it

might mean that they're just having a

bad day or they're not in the mood to

talk

so remind yourself that it's okay to try

multiple times to talk to new people and

that sometimes it's going to go well I

don't even know if I can get through the

opening of this I literally am so

excited for today because

[Music]

over and over and over again living a

good life is about the things that are

right in front of you that you're not

seeing yeah what's the strongest

predictor of who's going to be healthy

and happy at age 80 when we look at age

50 and when we looked