i lost friends because of my glow up (post-glow up reactions)
Summary
TLDRThe video script discusses the profound impact of a 'glow up' on personal experiences and societal treatment. The speaker, having transformed from being perceived as unattractive to attractive, shares the mixed reactions from strangers, friends, and family, highlighting the shift in basic respect to superficial attention. The narrative delves into the darker side of beauty standards, the financial and social implications, and the emotional toll of changing perceptions. It calls for self-improvement not for validation but for personal growth, urging viewers to value internal qualities over external appearances.
Takeaways
- ๐ The experience of a 'glow up' can lead to a stark contrast in how individuals are treated by society, often resulting in both positive and negative changes in social interactions.
- ๐ฅ Popular media and online trends, such as shows like 'Queer Eye' and social media platforms like TikTok and Reddit, often celebrate and encourage the concept of a 'glow up'.
- ๐ The change in treatment after a 'glow up' is not always positive, with some individuals experiencing a loss of basic respect they previously received, highlighting the complexity of societal perceptions.
- ๐ The speaker documents personal experiences with the difference in treatment before and after their own 'glow up', emphasizing the emotional impact of these changes.
- ๐ค The script suggests that societal beauty standards can be harmful, affecting not only self-perception but also how individuals are treated in various aspects of life, including financially.
- ๐ฐ There is a clear indication that physical appearance can influence financial outcomes, as exemplified by the story of a server whose tips doubled after a 'glow up'.
- ๐ฃ The negative self-perception and lack of self-care during a 'glow down' can lead to a downward spiral affecting both mental health and social interactions.
- ๐ซ The speaker advocates for self-improvement and self-care, rejecting the idea that one should accept themselves without striving for better health and well-being.
- ๐ค The change in appearance can lead to different types of negative reactions from people who already knew the individual, including jealousy, snide comments, and even loss of friendships.
- ๐ The 'pretty privilege' concept is discussed, suggesting that those who benefit from it can use their position to help others and challenge societal beauty standards from within.
- ๐ฌ The power of words and self-perception is emphasized, with the speaker urging viewers to be mindful of the language they use about themselves and others, as it shapes how they are perceived.
Q & A
What is the term 'glow up' referring to in the context of the script?
-In the script, 'glow up' refers to a significant transformation, often in terms of physical appearance, that leads to being perceived as more attractive by others.
How does the script describe the change in treatment after a person experiences a 'glow up'?
-The script describes a mixed bag of reactions, with increased attention and positive treatment from strangers but sometimes negative or backhanded comments from friends and acquaintances who may feel threatened or insecure.
What is the 'ugly duckling syndrome' mentioned in the script?
-The 'ugly duckling syndrome' is a term used in the script to describe the expectation that people will be treated much better once they become attractive, similar to the fairy tale where the ugly duckling turns into a beautiful swan.
What impact does the script suggest a 'glow up' can have on financial aspects, such as in the service industry?
-The script suggests that a 'glow up' can lead to increased financial benefits, especially in the service industry, where attractive individuals may receive more tips, sometimes two to three times more than before.
How does the script address the issue of self-care and its relation to self-improvement?
-The script emphasizes the importance of self-care as a part of self-improvement, stating that taking care of one's appearance and health can lead to better treatment from society and is a step towards success.
What negative feedback loop is described in the script related to the speaker's past?
-The negative feedback loop described in the script involves the speaker feeling bad about themselves, leading to poor eating habits, lack of self-care, and a downward spiral in mental and physical health, which in turn affected how others perceived and treated them.
How does the script describe the treatment of the speaker by men before and after their 'glow up'?
-Before the 'glow up', the script describes the speaker as being largely ignored by men, feeling like an inconvenience. After the 'glow up', the speaker notes an increase in attention from men, but also mentions the discomfort of unwanted stares and advances.
What is the term 'negging' as used in the script?
-In the script, 'negging' refers to backhanded compliments that are intended to undermine or make the recipient feel worse, often used by those who feel threatened by the recipient's improvement or success.
How does the script suggest using 'pretty privilege' to help others?
-The script suggests using 'pretty privilege' to advocate for others who may be overlooked due to their appearance, such as helping a colleague get recognition at work or ensuring that friends receive equal treatment in social situations.
What is the script's final message regarding the importance of appearance and self-worth?
-The script concludes that while appearance can influence how one is treated, it is the least interesting part of a person and should not be the focus of self-worth. It encourages viewers to decentralize appearance and not let others' opinions define them.
Outlines
๐ Personal Transformation and Society's Reaction
The speaker discusses their personal experience with a 'glow up', a significant positive change in their appearance and lifestyle. They describe the stark contrast in how they were treated before and after their transformation, noting a shift from a lack of basic respect to receiving a lot of attention. The speaker reflects on the mixed reactions from strangers, friends, and family, and how societal perceptions and treatment can change dramatically based on physical attractiveness. They also mention the impact of body positivity and fat acceptance movements, sharing anecdotes like a server whose tips doubled after a glow up. The speaker emphasizes the importance of self-care and self-improvement, and the realization that societal treatment is often superficial and linked to appearance.
๐ The Struggles and Irony of Being Overlooked
This paragraph delves into the irony of the speaker's college years, a time typically associated with physical attractiveness, but for them, it was marked by being overweight and unattractive, especially in the eyes of college-age men. The speaker recounts the lack of interaction and the feeling of invisibility, contrasting with the experiences of their friends who received attention. They discuss the impact of these experiences on their self-worth and views on dating. The speaker also touches on the idea of self-acceptance versus the pursuit of change, highlighting the superficial nature of societal treatment and the importance of self-improvement for personal growth rather than seeking external validation.
๐ค The Complex Dynamics of Change and Perception
The speaker explores the complex reactions from acquaintances and friends after their physical transformation. While some people were supportive, others reacted with jealousy, snide comments, and even attempts to undermine the speaker's self-esteem. The paragraph highlights the speaker's realization that some relationships were based on superficial factors and that their glow up made them a mirror reflecting others' insecurities. The speaker also discusses the loss of friends due to their transformation and the decision to focus on self-improvement rather than engaging in competition or seeking validation from those who do not have their best interests at heart.
๐ Embracing Change and Advocating for a Better Society
In the final paragraph, the speaker reflects on the isolation and loneliness they initially felt after their transformation but ultimately comes to terms with the fact that they are not the problem. They advocate for self-care and the importance of speaking positively about oneself and others. The speaker looks forward to making new friends in supportive circles and encourages others to enjoy their 'pretty privilege' while also using it to help those who are not as fortunate. They stress the importance of focusing on internal qualities over external appearance and the need to challenge superficial societal standards. The speaker concludes by urging viewers to disregard unkind opinions and to use their influence for good, promoting a more equitable and understanding society.
Mindmap
Keywords
๐กGlow up
๐กUgly duckling syndrome
๐กSelf-care
๐กPretty privilege
๐กBody positivity
๐กFat acceptance
๐กGlow down
๐กInsecurity
๐กSocial interaction
๐กSelf-worth
๐กToxicity
Highlights
The experience of a 'glow up' can lead to a stark realization of how one's attractiveness affects social interactions and self-perception.
A significant change in appearance can result in a dramatic shift in the level of attention and respect received from others.
Media and online trends, such as TV shows like 'Queer Eye' and platforms like TikTok, celebrate and popularize the concept of a 'glow up'.
The contrast in treatment before and after a 'glow up' can be emotionally complex, affecting relationships with both strangers and acquaintances.
The term 'ugly' is used as an adjective to document personal experiences without intent to insult.
The importance of self-care is emphasized as a means to improve both one's physical appearance and mental well-being.
The pursuit of success often intertwines with the desire to improve one's appearance and the societal benefits that come with it.
Body positivity and fat acceptance movements are critiqued for potentially causing harm by not addressing the real-world consequences of appearance.
Anecdotal evidence suggests that attractiveness can significantly impact financial outcomes, such as tips for service industry workers.
The narrator's personal 'glow up' journey involved overcoming negative self-image and developing healthier habits and routines.
The change in appearance led to a sense of alienation from previous social circles and a reevaluation of what constitutes true friendship.
The newfound attention after a 'glow up' can be both flattering and uncomfortable, with increased leering and unwanted advances.
Some acquaintances and friends may react negatively to a 'glow up', manifesting in jealousy or backhanded compliments.
The narrator advocates for using 'pretty privilege' to uplift and support others who may not receive the same benefits from society.
The video concludes with a message that external beauty is fleeting and should not be the sole focus of self-worth or identity.
A call to action for viewers to share their own experiences with 'glow ups' and societal reactions in the comments section.
Transcripts
The change up
people do after you
glow up is totally wild.
You know how some people will
go through a massive glow up,
then they'll realize
how differently
they have been treated
now that they're attractive.
I feel that times like a thousand.
No one could have prepared me
for what
it's like going from a medium
ugly guy to now.
Like now I get a lot of attention,
but all that basic respect
that I got as a guy, gone.
You've seen it in
movies, TV shows,
TED talks,
the ugly duckling syndrome,
the fairy tale expectation
is that everyone magically treats
you much better than before
when you were ugly.
There are many popular
TV shows
celebrating the glow up
like Extreme
Makeover, Queer
Eye and glowing up is a huge online
trend, especially popular on
TikTok and Reddit.
The truth is the way you're treated
before versus
after isn't always roses.
It's a mixed bag,
especially when
it comes to strangers
versus friends and family.
As always, with these videos
I want to preface a few things I'm
not insulting anyone
when I'm saying the word ugly.
I'm using it as an adjective.
In fact,
I'm actually documenting
my personal experience
with the difference of treatment
with different groups of people
before versus after my glow up.
There have been
multiple times in my life
when I glowed up
and also when I looked down.
The glow down,
honestly, is not by choice.
It's more like I let myself go.
And those points of my life
were the lowest points of my life,
which is why I advocate self-care
so much.
The pursuit of success
of becoming better
also involves looking better
and taking care of yourself more.
And I want to see people
become successful.
I'm here to help you gain
more self-awareness, regardless
of how you feel about
what people think about you.
Because it does not affect
how other people perceive you.
I know for a fact
that you create your own reality,
but when you have to interact
with society,
sometimes you need to take
those rose tinted glasses off
and get a reality check
because things like body
positivity and fat acceptance
is actually harming people.
And I will die on that hill.
I saw on Reddit of this girl
who works as a server,
and ever since she had a glow up,
her tips literally doubled.
Which, by the way,
if you haven't seen my video,
about how looks matter,
especially if you're fat.
Go watch it.
Because I literally talk
about how society penalizes you
when you're fat,
especially financially.
It literally affects
how much you make.
And this becomes super obvious
when you're pretty
and you work in the service
industry,
you literally will get like 2
to 3 times more tips
and sometimes there's no way
to be subjective
about the whole thing.
And it is what it is.
Overall
the treatment that I received
when I glow up changed dramatically.
I feel like a different person
in a lot of ways.
The hardest thing for me to accept
is that society 100%
sees me as a different person
now compared to where I was before,
and it actually hurts me
to realize how much my appearance
before had actually affected my life
in ways
I couldn't
even see when I was that person.
Especially financially,
especially socially.
I really hope that more people
can open their eyes and see things
for what they really are.
So when I was at my worst,
I was about 50 pounds fatter.
I had terrible skin issues
because I was eating like s_.
I wasn't drinking enough water,
I wasn't taking care of myself,
wasnโt washing my face correctly.
I didn't have
a very good skincare routine
and sometimes I even wear
a ton of makeup to hide my issues,
I would even dress
like I didn't
care about my body shape
rather than dress for my body type.
In turn, my weight
affected my facial features a lot.
Also,
my hair had been bleached for years,
which made it super
fried and brittle.
And not only that,
when you have super bleached
platinum hair
like you can't even grow it out
because it's like impossible.
You can't have long hair like this.
I also had like a bad nail
chewing habit
which affected my jawline,
and then the bad nails
I would have to like hide
with gel nails,
which actually made my nail health
even worse and even more brittle.
And I was stressed.
I was depressed,
which made me not want to eat right.
I wanted to turn to comfort food
so you can see how this is like
a negative feedback loop.
And I felt so bad about myself,
which affected
how other people felt about me.
Because I can tell you this
when I felt bad about myself,
I would project my insecurities
on other people, which was terrible.
Literally.
I never want to go
back to that point
and never want to put anybody down
like it's the worst.
Like I was almost spiraling.
Actually. No, I was spiraling.
Let's talk about how men treated me
while I was fat.
I wouldn't know
because they didn't interact
with me.
Here is a picture of me
from four years ago
when I was plus sized
throughout my entire college career.
I was in a plus size body.
It's pretty ironic
because a lot of people's
college years
are their hottest years.
I think I look
amazing all the goddamn time,
but in the general public I was fat,
which made me unattractive,
especially to college age men
when I tell you
they didn't interact with me.
I'm not joking.
At that point in my life,
I would feel lucky
if a man even looked
in my direction.
Typically,
they would just turn their heads
and pretend like I didn't exist.
Coming of age as a plus sized woman
and seeing all of your friends
be flirted and head on by men
and in turn being treated
like a second class citizen.
To me,
I think
that experience
has really impacted
how I view my self-worth and dating.
I don't know.
There's just so much
I can say
on the subject point
being when you're fat, men
will not look in your direction
until they're fat too.
In the past,
I felt like I was an inconvenience
and I felt awkward
in most places that I went.
And when I was at my fattest,
sometimes I feel like I would
even get like rude stares in public.
Or maybe not,
but like I would at least
like I would be imagining it.
And I felt uncomfortable literally
doing literally anything.
My existence felt
shadowed by my appearance,
if that makes any sense to you.
And then I realized
that there are two paths
from here on out
that you can take here
you can either accept yourself
for who you are,
but then you're going to continue
living life on hard mode
because nothing's going to change
even if you accept yourself
like you're still going to feel bad
and maybe you might feel
a little better,
but it's just kind of a Band-Aid.
It's not a permanent solution,
and you're still going to be living
in that uncomfortable existence,
or you can assert the power
that you have to change things
about you.
And I think that
the attention you get
can be very addictive.
For someone who grew up ugly.
People actually
treat me
like an actual person
with thoughts and feelings
now, not just the comic relief girl,
not just the chubby girl, like,
you know what was bad?
I would literally, literally catch
my bosses, laugh
at me
like they were literally like
get together and make fun of me.
Like, I swear to God,
sometimes I get nightmares
thinking back on like them.
Like finding a really unflattering
photo of me
and, like, laughing at me.
And this one thing
that happened to me
that was super eye opening. Okay.
There was one time
when I was introduced to this,
kind of famous and really beautiful
singer backstage,
she straight up ignored me.
Imagine
being introduced to someone like,
Hey, so-and-so, this is so-and-so.
And, they wouldn't even
look at you or say a word to you.
It was super hurtful.
And then I look back
and I Googled the singer and saw
that, you know,
she wasn't all that pretty
when she started.
And I'm like, b_,
you were there too.
Like, Why are you so mean?
Oh, anyway,
it's so bizarre, the
difference in treatment
that I get that
I feel sorry for my old self
and also for people
who are still struggling, especially
especially for stubborn
people who don't want
to improve themselves.
Like, sure,
you can say that
like, oh,
I reject everything,
I reject beauty standards,
but honestly
you're subjugated by it.
Why do you want to live life
on hard mode I don't understand.
Like, obviously
it doesn't sit
right to me
that people treat you differently,
like just based on your looks.
Nobody deserves that itโs terrible.
Which is why now that I glowed up,
I swear to God,
I swore to myself that,
I would never treat anyone
like that.
Now
on new people.
When I first meet someone new,
the effect was extremely positive
to the point where I found it
so disturbing.
It actually caused me
a bit of an existential crisis.
I'm not talking about
like Hollywood style stuff,
crashing cars and like people
falling over backwards, rich guys
coming to me with free gifts
and stuff and like,
not really,
I'm just being treated
like an inherently good
and impressive person.
And even if I screwed up somewhere
or if there's rumors about me
or whatever,
when you're prettier, people
tend to assume the best of you,
even if you're not inherently
or necessarily
a good or a kind person.
People in general
just go a lot nicer.
Strangers would smile at me.
I would get treated
nice guys
would open the door for me.
I get more free stuff,
people offering to do things for me
even when I don't need to ask.
But the one thing I
did find annoying is that like men
would literally
trying to hit on you,
everywhere you go or stare at you
like a leering way.
And it's not really flattering
always.
And it's like,
no offense, it's
usually not the kind of guys
you want anyway, but it's true.
You get more leering
and more creepiness.
However, on people
who I already know,
I felt that
the results were almost opposite.
On most people.
It did not change anything,
but some people
it was kind of extreme.
Dang, Jessica.
Jessica, you look so cool.
What is everyone
freaking out about Jessica
got a glow up.
No way, Jessica.
Oh, my gosh.
You look so pretty.
No she doesnโt.
Oh, hey, Jessica, girlie!
Come sit with me and Lilly.
Hey, you, um.
Did you get eyelash extensions?
Yeah, I did. Yeah, I could tell.
Maybe next time,
you should tell your lash technician
to do a more natural set
because you don't want people
to know you have eyelash extensions.
It's.
It's just not a cute look, Chloe.
She looks good.
Yeah, she may look good, but
it's all makeup.
Here, use one of these. Jessica. No.
Use one of these.
Also like another little tip
is if you're going to wear makeup,
you should
probably clear your acne first
because you'll look really cakey
and bumpy.
No offense, I just want to help you.
I mean, I know
you're not like, as lucky as me
and Lilly to be naturally beautiful,
but that's what boys like.
They don't like catfishes.
I noticed that after losing weight,
which had a huge impact on the way
it affected
my facial features, people
that I used to be close
to, especially girlfriends,
actually treat me worse.
I have to say, most people
no difference in treatment.
On the people who treated me worse.
It's like really weird
because my personality
hasn't changed.
I'm still the same person
on the inside.
I would get snide comments
or I would get negging,
which is kind of like
backhanded compliments.
And it's usually done
to make me feel worse.
Like they would say Oh,
you look thin today.
Like, did you skip breakfast?
Or or they would ask me
like how I would have
all of the energy to like do
all of the things I did.
Some of them
like to make jabs at me,
especially in regard
to my weight
loss or that I'm being vain
or that my eating disorder is bad.
They're almost purposely
trying to hurt me,
or that I think I'm so perfect,
which I don't.
And they always say something
along the lines of,
Oh, where did you get that
new wardrobe from
How did you have all that money
to buy Like nice shoes
and nice bags?
But honestly, I'm at the point
where I don't care anymore.
I literally don't care anymore
about what they think of me.
And if they don't want
the best for me,
they're out of my life.
I literally lost friends
because of my glow up.
I'm honestly to focus on myself,
to care about competition.
Maybe they view me as a competition,
but I don't.
There's zero
competition between me
and my friends,
and I wish that some of them
see this.
The only true
competition is yourself.
Everything else is not real.
It's actually a projection
of their own insecurity.
I actually lost one of
my best friends
because she got
jealous of how my glow up
made her feel.
It was almost like
I'm like a mirror to them
and not a friend.
Sometimes.
Let me tell you, like,
some people think that glowing up
makes you
like a perfect person
or and honestly,
that's kind of like
what self-improvement is about.
It's well, it's not always
about being perfect,
but it's about becoming
a better person.
Even though on the inside
I'm like the sort of
same chaotic person
that I used to be,
but I just learned to develop
better systems to work on things,
and I have better habits
now and better discipline
and better systems of maintenance.
But my exterior
looks have permanently changed
the way people think of me
and how people feel about me.
I'm literally
no longer the person
they think they knew.
Maybe it's because to them
I'm no longer the ugly friend.
I'm no longer
the fat friend, I'm
no longer the lazy,
less successful
sidekick And literally,
the fact that I have like more main
character energy
now like literally
would piss them off
and now me
realizing what I've been to them all
along is a very sad and very rude
wake up call. Wow.
So many of these people
are actually not my friends.
They only keep me around
because I make them look good.
And now I'm
catching up in the physical ratings.
They feel threatened by me
literally, some of my acquaintances
actually stop giving me compliments
whenever I see them.
Like in the past,
I will usually get things like,
Oh, your hair looks good today.
Like, I love your
your nails and like,
I like your outfit today.
These days
I get more like up and down looks
and like more like double takes,
especially when they think
I'm not looking.
They would, like,
literally stare at me.
It makes me so uncomfortable.
Okay, this other thing
that's weird with acquaintances,
some of them have actually started
idealizing me
and putting me on the pedestal,
which is really weird
because I've never gotten
that from them before
and I'm still the same person.
I just look better now.
I still have to say, though, that
majority of people didn't
have a reaction.
Maybe they look past the looks
and they actually see me
for my personality and who I am.
But sometimes no
reaction is also a reaction.
Maybe they felt like bringing
things up like weight
loss is kind of a sensitive topic,
which I understand
maybe they felt like it was rude.
Most importantly though,
like my own self
improvements for myself
is not for them and who cares?
I'm not going to lie.
When it first happened to me
it was really quite
isolating and lonely
and I feel bad about it.
But then
I realized that
I wasn't the problem.
When you take care of yourself
and you glow
up, you're
not in any way
obligated to explain yourself
to anybody
or to make people feel better
by putting yourself down.
Who are they to make you feel
any type of way?
Words are very powerful.
They are magical.
They're like spells.
You speak into existence.
You should be very careful
about how you speak to yourself
and also to other people
about yourself.
It literally forms
their whole perception of you.
Honestly, with my new lifestyle,
my new habits, I'm definitely
looking forward
to making new friends
and being in more supportive
circles of people
who actually get it.
People
who have the same interests me,
who want to better themselves
rather than hang out
with toxic people
who are not worth my time
and energy these days,
I literally say
thank you universe
and like literally thoroughly
enjoy all of my pretty privilege.
And I hope you feel comfortable
owning it
and taking advantage of it too.
And take advantage of it
for as long as you can,
because eventually
literally everyone gets old and lose
some of their looks.
I used to be ugly
and even as I got prettier
I realized I still couldn't win.
Here are my credentials.
This was the favorite.
Yep.
When I was ugly I got made fun of.
I got asked that as a joke.
I was treated like I was invisible,
but I was still taken seriously.
People automatically
assume that due
to my lack of appearance,
I had something else going for me,
which was true.
I was smart,
but I didn't get any less smart.
As I got prettier
and in pursuit of better treatment,
I started working my appearance,
I started working on my hygiene
and I got that better treatment.
But the intention behind
said treatment
was much more superficial.
And the closer
I got
to the conventional beauty standard,
the more my appearance
would validate who I was internally
and also diminish it.
People would take my opinion,
consider it,
but suddenly meant less
because of the mouth
I came out of as a woman.
No matter how lovely or intelligent
you may be,
if you are attractive
in any way,
your appearance becomes
your most valuable attribute.
And for the longest time,
I was obsessed
with working on external factors
because I thought
it would bring light
to who I was internally.
But the opposite is true.
There's no winning.
It just attracts the wrong people.
It's like getting plastic surgery
in pursuit of finding love.
The people that are attracted to
you are just there
for the wrong reasons.
To any young woman hearing this,
and I cannot stress this enough,
your appearance is the least
interesting part about you.
If you think working
on what you look like
will win
you genuine respect
or care from other people,
you're wasting your time.
Any connection
you make based off of those
superficial factors
is worth nothing.
Decentralize appearance in your life
because I promise
it will only destroy you
in the long run.
And no matter what, insecure
people will always have
something unkind to say about you
and will always have something
mean to say
because they want you
to doubt yourself
and they want you
to feel insecure about yourself,
just like how they feel
about themselves.
Ignore and disregard
the opinions of someone
who does not matter to you
or aspire to be like.
I think something else
you can do with
your pretty privilege
is to be like a princess
and like help others
who don't have it.
For example,
if you know a girl at work
who was getting passed
over for a promotion
because of their appearance,
you can step in
and like gas her up and talk her up
some and people will listen to you
because you're pretty.
Guys Want to buy you a drink?
Sure, you'll be happy to accept it,
but only if he also buys a drink
for your friend.
Obviously
you want to be sensitive about it
because it can also
be really frustrating
to know that someone's
only trying to help you
because they feel bad for you.
At the same time.
Like it is not fair
after all that like pretty girls
get special
treatment and regular
or ugly people don't
You're in a position to help people,
so you should be a princess
and do something about it
and actually destroy the system
from within.
Thank you guys
so much for watching this video.
I really hope this is helpful to you
or that you learn something from it.
And I definitely want to hear
about your experience
in the comments, so let me know.
I am very grateful
to all of you, as always,
and I'll see you in the next video.
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