Why self improvement is ruining your life

Summary

The video script discusses the allure of self-improvement and the feeling of mastering interests, yet critiques the online culture that treats it as a panacea for life's struggles. It argues that true success comes from deep expertise in a field, not just self-improvement. The speaker humorously recounts personal experiences with obsessive self-help and recommends 'An Astronaut's Guide to Life on Earth' by Chris Hadfield, emphasizing real-world experience over theoretical perfection.

Takeaways

• 😀 The feeling of personal growth in areas of interest is incredibly rewarding, such as seeing physical progress at the gym or mastering a skill like piano playing.
• 💪 Strength and new achievements, whether in fitness or other skills, are significant motivators for continued effort and enjoyment.
• 🏠 Competence in skills makes individuals more valuable to themselves, their families, and their communities, contributing to a better world.
• 🌐 Online communities often promote self-improvement as a standalone hobby, suggesting it as a cure-all for life's problems.
• 🤔 While self-improvement is a positive pursuit, it can be destructive when it's presented as the solution to all life struggles, leading to a conditional happiness based on self-improvement.
• 🚀 Successful individuals often achieve their goals by excelling in a specific area rather than general self-improvement obsession.
• 📚 Reading books on social skills is less effective than actual social interaction, highlighting the importance of experience over theory.
• 🛡️ Being overly focused on self-improvement can lead to missing out on real-life experiences, akin to a knight sharpening his sword while ignoring the battle outside.
• 🗡️ It's better to 'hack and slash' through life with a 'dull sword' (less perfect skills) than to never venture out due to a focus on perfection.
• 📚 The speaker recommends 'An Astronaut's Guide to Life on Earth' by Chris Hadfield, a book that exemplifies the value of experience over self-improvement obsession.
• 🎧 Audible is praised for its selection and service, offering a monthly credit for any audiobook and keeping the library even after canceling membership.

Q & A

What is the main idea of the video script about self-improvement?

The script discusses the concept of self-improvement, emphasizing the importance of pursuing competence in specific areas of interest rather than treating self-improvement as an end in itself or a solution to all life's problems.

What does the script suggest about the feeling of getting better at something you're interested in?

The script suggests that the feeling of getting better at something you're interested in, such as getting stronger at the gym or improving piano skills, is inherently rewarding and contributes to a sense of competence and usefulness.

How does the script describe the culture of self-improvement on platforms like Reddit and YouTube?

The script describes a culture where self-improvement is seen as a standalone hobby, often prescribed as an antidote for various life struggles, which can be both beneficial and potentially harmful if it becomes an obsession.

What is the potential issue with viewing self-improvement as the answer to everything?

The script argues that viewing self-improvement as the answer to everything can stem from a place of insecurity and conditional happiness, leading to an unrealistic expectation that self-improvement will solve all life's problems.

What does the script say about the most successful people and their approach to self-improvement?

The script suggests that the most successful people did not achieve their status by obsessing over self-improvement but rather by being exceptionally good at something specific, such as Bill Gates with coding.

What is the script's stance on reading self-improvement books about social interaction without practical experience?

The script criticizes the approach of reading self-improvement books about social interaction without actually engaging in social activities, likening it to an alien trying to learn social skills in isolation.

What is the script's advice on the balance between self-improvement and real-world experience?

The script advises that while self-improvement can be useful, it should not replace real-world experience. It encourages getting out, making mistakes, and living life while continuously learning and improving.

What book does the script recommend that is not about self-improvement?

The script recommends 'An Astronaut's Guide to Life on Earth' by Chris Hadfield, which, despite its title, is not a self-improvement book but a narrative of experiences and lessons from the life of a Canadian astronaut.

How does the script describe the metaphor of a knight sharpening his sword within castle walls?

The script uses the metaphor of a knight sharpening his sword within castle walls to illustrate the futility of focusing solely on self-improvement without engaging in real-world challenges and experiences.

What is the script's final message regarding self-improvement and living life?

The final message of the script is to encourage viewers to live life actively, embracing experiences and mistakes, while also continuing to learn and improve, rather than being consumed by self-improvement alone.

Outlines

00:00

🏋️‍♂️ The Joy of Self-Improvement

The paragraph discusses the intrinsic satisfaction derived from self-improvement in various fields such as gym workouts and playing the piano. It highlights how gaining competence and seeing tangible improvements can enhance one's confidence and usefulness. However, it critiques the culture on platforms like Reddit and YouTube where self-improvement is often treated as a standalone hobby, detached from specific goals or interests. This can lead to an unhealthy obsession with self-improvement as a cure-all for life's problems, which is portrayed as a misguided approach.

05:00

⚔️ Living Life vs. Self-Improvement Obsession

This paragraph uses the metaphor of a knight sharpening a sword within castle walls while a war rages outside to illustrate the pitfalls of excessive focus on self-improvement. It emphasizes the importance of practical experience and learning through real-life challenges over endless preparation. The narrative shifts to promoting the value of making mistakes and gaining firsthand experience as a more effective means of self-improvement. The paragraph concludes with a recommendation for an Audible book by astronaut Chris Hadfield, advocating for practical engagement with life over theoretical self-improvement.

Keywords

💡Self-improvement

Self-improvement refers to the process of enhancing one's skills, knowledge, or personal development. In the video, it is portrayed as a cultural phenomenon often seen on platforms like Reddit and YouTube, where it is sometimes viewed as a standalone hobby or a cure-all solution for life's problems. The script critiques the notion that self-improvement can be an end in itself, rather than a means to achieve specific goals, and suggests that it should be balanced with real-world experience.

💡Competence

Competence is the state of being adequately qualified or capable to do something. The video emphasizes the importance of feeling competent in various areas of life, such as physical fitness or musical ability, as it contributes to a sense of self-efficacy and usefulness to oneself and the community. It is highlighted as a positive outcome of personal development, but not the sole focus.

💡Insecurity

Insecurity is a feeling of vulnerability or a lack of confidence. The script suggests that an excessive focus on self-improvement can stem from a place of insecurity, where individuals seek to improve themselves to the point of avoiding life's struggles or achieving conditional happiness.

💡Charisma

Charisma is a personal quality that makes someone attractive, persuasive, and able to influence others. In the video, charisma is mentioned as one of the attributes that people might believe they can achieve through self-improvement, leading to universal admiration and acceptance.

💡Obsession

Obsession refers to a persistent preoccupation with a particular idea or desire. The script uses the term to describe an unhealthy fixation on self-improvement to the extent that it becomes counterproductive, as it may lead to isolation and a lack of practical experience.

💡Cerebralizing

Cerebralizing is the act of intellectualizing or overthinking something to the point where it may lose practical relevance. The video uses this term to describe the process of reading books on social skills without actually practicing them, which can hinder real-life social interaction.

💡Experiential Learning

Experiential learning is a process where knowledge is created through experience and reflection. The video emphasizes the importance of gaining real-world experience over theoretical knowledge, suggesting that practical engagement is essential for true self-improvement.

💡Perfectionism

Perfectionism is the pursuit of flawlessness and setting extremely high standards for oneself. The script criticizes the idea that self-improvement can lead to a perfect life, pointing out that it's more beneficial to engage in life with a 'dull sword' and improve along the way rather than striving for an unattainable ideal.

💡Hobby

A hobby is an activity done regularly in one's leisure time for pleasure. The video discusses self-improvement as being treated by some as a hobby, detached from specific interests or goals, which can lead to an unbalanced approach to personal development.

💡Obsessive Self-improvement

Obsessive self-improvement is an excessive focus on self-betterment to the point where it may interfere with other aspects of life. The script uses this term to describe a scenario where individuals spend too much time on self-improvement activities, neglecting real-life experiences and challenges.

💡Real World

The 'real world' refers to everyday life and its practical aspects outside of theoretical or virtual environments. The video encourages viewers to engage with the real world, suggesting that true self-improvement comes from active participation and learning from life's experiences, rather than from theoretical knowledge alone.

Highlights

The feeling of getting better at things you're interested in is one of the best feelings.

Self-improvement is often seen as a standalone hobby detached from any particular interest or goal.

There's a culture on Reddit, YouTube, and bodybuilding forums that promotes self-improvement as an antidote for a crappy life.

Improving yourself is a noble and worthwhile aim, but it shouldn't be seen as the answer to everything.

Internet self-improvement communities often sell the idea of reaching a point where life struggles are minimized.

Obsessive self-improvement can stem from insecurity and dissatisfaction with where you are now.

Successful people often get where they are by being really good at something specific, not by focusing on self-improvement.

Practical experience and living life are more important than obsessively sharpening skills without real-world application.

Reading social interaction books without actually socializing can be counterproductive.

Self-improvement is helpful only if it complements real-life actions and experiences.

People often realize it's better to engage in life with imperfect skills than to perfect skills in isolation.

Chris Hadfield's life demonstrates the value of pursuing a goal with practical experience rather than obsessing over self-improvement.

Audible offers a vast selection of audiobooks and a convenient credit system for monthly selections.

Audible memberships allow users to keep their library of audiobooks even after canceling.

The speaker emphasizes the importance of living life fully and not getting trapped in endless self-improvement cycles.

Transcripts

- One of the best feelings in the entire world is

the feeling of getting better

at the things that you're interested in.

If you're starting to get into the gym,

it feels really good

to actually see yourself getting stronger.

Whether that's visually,

or the fact that you can bench more pounds.

Getting stronger and hitting new records

is at least half the fun

if not all the fun of going to the gym.

If you're a piano player

and you've been practicing your improvisational skills,

it feels really good

to be able to just make a banger of a melody

in like five minutes.

It feels good to walk around life

with a certain level of competence.

You've put in the work,

you're better at certain things than most people

competence makes you more useful to yourself,

to your family,

to your community,

and it kind of makes the world a better place

if you think about it.

But if you've spent pretty much any time

on the internet whatsoever

you've probably noticed that

there's a culture that exists on Reddit

and on YouTube,

and on bodybuilding forums

that sees self-improvement

as its own standalone hobby

detached from any particular interest or a goal.

And it's used almost like a

widely prescribed antidote for a crappy life.

You feeling down in the dumps,

try self-improvement.

Oh damn! your dog died.

There's this self-improvement book

that I heard is really good.

You should go pick it up and read it.

Damn, that sucks dude,

your wife left you?

There's this bald self-improvement YouTuber

that gives really good advice.

You should give him a try.

And that's either a good thing or a bad thing.

I don't think you can really bash the sentiment

because improving yourself

is obviously a noble and worthwhile aim.

Like what else are you gonna do?

Do like get worse?

But one thing that I do think is destructive

is that these internet self-improvement communities

seem to either intentionally or unintentionally

sell this idea of self-improvement

kind of being the answer to everything.

They sell this idea

of being able to improve yourself to a point

where you don't really have to deal with life struggles.

You can eventually improve yourself

to a point where,

everybody loves you

because you're so charismatic,

you have such a rocking body,

everyone's just impressed with your matte DIA Vela biceps,

I'm not ripping on mat DIA Vela

those things are huge.

You'll eventually make so much money that,

you can pretty much buy anything you want.

And all this stuff sounds really great,

who wouldn't want all that stuff.

But as soon as you say it out loud,

it becomes pretty clear that

this type of thinking

almost stems from a place of insecurity

of conditional happiness.

It comes from a certain dissatisfaction

of where you are now.

Self-improvement therefore

becomes kind of like a vehicle

that will take you towards this fantasy,

this perfect life that you've always dreamed.

But if you look at some of the most successful people

on planet earth,

I can guarantee you they didn't get to where they were

by just being really into self-improvement.

Usually they get there

by being really fricking good at something.

Bill Gates was obsessed with coding.

Billion Musk, What's he not into.

If you look up to these types of people

and you want to be somewhat like them,

you have to realize that they're not obsessing

over their perfect morning routine

and figuring out how to like stack certain vitamins

so that you can see through walls

and unlock some sort of third eye of truth or something.

That stuff is useful,

but it's only useful

if you're already doing something.

One of the funniest examples of

self-improvement being super counterproductive or unhelpful

is people who read a lot of books about social interaction.

And I'm totally not speaking from experience.

It seems like common sense

that the best way to get better at socializing

is to socialize.

To go out on a Friday night

instead of spending your time playing video games.

But there was a point in my life where

I didn't really socialize at all,

and all I did was read books like

"How to Win Friends and Influence People"

and "The Likes Switch" and "Models" by Mark Manson.

And it's almost like I was an alien

trying to learn how to socially interact with people

while I was locking myself in my house,

not getting any exposure to people.

It's like the perfect example

of obsessive self-improvement

not doing anything to help me improve.

The very thing that I was trying to improve

was being sabotaged by the fact that I was

cerebralising it, theorizing about it,

instead of just getting out there

and getting experience.

Now, the books that I just mentioned

are helpful and I've recommended them on the channel before,

but they're only helpful

if the vast majority of your time

is spent out there in the real world, just living.

If all you watch is self-improvement videos,

every book you read is a self-improvement book,

and self-improvement is your main hobby,

it's almost like you're a Knight in the middle ages

and you spend like your entire life

deep within the castle walls,

obsessively sharpening your sword

and optimizing your equipment,

meanwhile, there's a war raging on

outside the castle walls

and the kingdom really needs your help,

maybe the princess got captured by a dragon

or something like that,

but you're just sitting there inside

making sure you have like the perfect equipment

and you're doing tons of pushups and stuff

and making sure you're in shape,

but you have no clue

how to fight any of the monsters out there.

You've never been on an adventure before.

So it's like you have the sharpest sword in the world,

but no idea how to use it.

And you're running out of time.

And what most people who eventually break out of this

self-improvement obsession,

eventually figure out

is that it was far better to

hack and slash their way through life

with a dull sword

than to spend your entire life inside with a sharp one.

Now it would obviously be pretty stupid

if you never sharpened your sword.

If you never picked up a book

that suggested a different way of doing things,

if you never questioned your current lifestyle

and what you can do to improve it,

but get out the door,

go make some mistakes

go try some things,

go live life,

and sharpen your sword along the way.

This video was sponsored audible.

And I really wanna use this opportunity

to recommend a book

one of my favorite books

that has absolutely nothing to do with self-improvement.

And that is "An Astronaut's Guide to Life on Earth"

by Chris Hadfield.

And even though it has the word guide in the title,

but it's not a self-improvement book at all.

Chris Hadfield is a Canadian astronaut

and the former commander of the international space station,

and his life is a great example of the fact that

he didn't spend a lot of time

obsessing over self-improvement

he just had a goal and a dream

and an obsession.

He was out there in the real world gaining experience,

making mistakes, failing, trying again.

I really think it's a worthwhile read

and he narrates the whole thing himself

on the audible version,

so it's definitely well worth it.

Not only does audible

have the largest selection of audio books

on the entire internet,

but every single month

they send you one credit,

which you can spend on an audio book of your choice

regardless of cost,

and they also send you two audible originals.

And one of the best things about audible

is that if you decide to cancel your membership at any time

you still keep your entire library of audio books,

including the audio books that you got for free

using their credit system.

Audibles is one of my favorite sponsors on this channel

because I use them all the time.

I listened to more audio books

than I read physical books.

So to sign up for your free 30 day trial

click the link in the description below

or text "betterideas" to 500-500.

Once again, to sign up for your free 30 day trial,

click the link in the description below,

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which could potentially help them out,

help them snap out of a self-improvement obsession

and start living life to its fullest

that sounded a little bit cheesy

but it's true.

If you're lurking here

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Yeah. I don't know.

The link to my second channels in the description below.

Other than that,

thanks so much for watching,

there's plenty of great content coming up very soon

I'm gonna be posting two more videos

within the next 20 days or so,

so it's gonna be a real hoot.

It feels good to be back

and those new videos will be in my brand new place

'cause I'm moving out of this joint.

Thanks so much for watching

and we'll catch you in the next video.